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"Roman, this is a bad idea." Virgil sighed, fiddling with the sleeves of his hoodie. He glanced in the rear-view mirror, eyeing the trailer attached to the car with the two four-wheelers.
"Nonsense, my star! It will be fun! Remus and I go every year, and we've never had any trouble." He took one hand off the wheel and held it out to Virgil, who took it. "Well, as little trouble as you can get into when Remus is around."
"I guess..." Virgil said, but he still wasn't convinced. There was just so much that could go wrong. Roman knew what he was doing, but Virgil didn't. What if they got separated? And then Virgil's four-wheeler would end up malfunctioning. And then he'd get stranded in the middle of nowhere and probably end up eaten by wolves. Or the four-wheeler would malfunction, and they'd get hurt. Or Virgil would crash into something. Or he would crash into Roman, and both of them would end up hurt. Then Roman would hate him, and then he'd be injured and single.
He felt something squeeze his hand. His head jerked up, and he looked over to Roman. "Hey, my love." He said softly. Virgil almost cried at the amount of pure love shining in his eyes. "None of whatever is going on in your head will happen. We'll take all the safety precautions, and it will be fine. But if it makes you more comfortable, we can just cut out the four-wheeler part of the trip. I will be happy to spend time with you either way." He hummed, punctuating the words with a kiss on the back of Virgil's hand.
"No, it's okay. We can still go. I know you've been looking forward to it." He squeezed Roman's hand.
"I have, but any time spent with you is time well spent, mi amor. I would be happy to do anything with you." He rubbed the back of Virgil's hand with his thumb as he spoke. "If you'd like, you can ride on the same four-wheeler as me for the first half of the day so you get more comfortable. Then, after lunch, we can switch to riding separately."
"Yeah, I think that should help. Thanks, Princey."
********
Virgil watched as Roman unloaded one of the four-wheelers from the trailer. He could have helped, but Roman said he had it covered, and Virgil wouldn't pass up the opportunity to watch his husband. Especially with the way his muscles flexed as he worked. Unfortunately, the muscle use was short-lived, and soon Roman had the vehicle unhooked and was backing it down the ramp.
"Like the view?" Roman teased, catching Virgil eyeing him.
"Eh, it's okay," Virgil said, feigning indifference. "I've seen better."
Roman laughed as he swung one leg over the four-wheeler and hopped off. "I guess I'll just have to give you a better view." He walked towards Virgil. "Y'know, to change your mind."
Roman grinned, and Virgil was all too familiar with what that specific smile meant. "Roman, don't even think about i--" Before he could finish the sentence, Roman scooped him into his arms and threw him over his shoulder.
"Actually, this view's not bad." Virgil hummed in thought, not bothered by how he was dangling upside down. Roman rolled his eyes and repositioned Virgil, carrying him princess-style. Virgil met Roman's eyes. He reached a hand up and softly traced over the features of Roman's face. "I think I like this view the best."
"I thought I was supposed to be the romantic one." Roman huffed, kissing Virgil's nose.
"Can't let you get too comfortable. I've got to give you a run for your money at some point."
Roman laughed and carried Virgil to the four-wheeler. He set him down on the back, grabbed helmets for the two of them, and then positioned himself in the front. Once he was settled and they both had helmets, Virgil scooted closer and wrapped his arms around Roman's waist. Now that he was actually on the vehicle, he felt his anxiety rise again. He tried to ignore the pounding in his chest and keep his breathing under control.
"Ready?" Roman asked. Virgil pressed his face against the back of Roman's shirt. He breathed in deeply. He was with Roman. Everything would be fine. Roman knew what he was doing. Roman wouldn't let him get hurt.
Virgil nodded, and Roman eased forward smoothly. Virgil held onto him tighter, ignoring Roman's chuckle. He knew this was a bad idea. They were going to die. Or get injured. Or break up. Roman stayed at a slower pace, driving around in lazy circles. As they continued to ride, Virgil began to relax. It wasn't that bad. He loosened his hold on Roman and peeked over his shoulder, looking at the path ahead.
It was actually kind of fun. Virgil watched the plants on the side of the path pass by, but instead of freaking out, he smiled. The wind in his hair felt nice, and he could see why Roman enjoyed this so much.
Roman grinned at the change and increased his speed. Virgil held on tight, but this time, he was laughing. Roman continued to accelerate, letting out a whoop of enjoyment. Virgil rolled his eyes at him but was smiling just as wide. It was exhilarating. As they picked up speed, he could feel the wind on his face more, and he loved every second. Seeing the world zip by him felt freeing. He felt like his anxieties had been left behind, and they could never catch him now.
"I told you this would be fun!" Roman shouted over the roar of the wind, glancing over his shoulder to meet Virgil's eyes.
"Yeah, yeah, don't let it go to your head," Virgil yelled. "And keep your eyes on the road, dumbass."
Roman just laughed, but he did turn his attention to the path ahead like Virgil said. He steered the four-wheeler towards some hills. "Ready for the really fun part?"
Virgil nodded. "Hell yeah!" Roman grinned and sped up, driving up the first one. Virgil tightened his grip around the other's waist as the four-wheeler tilted up, feeling a spike of anxiety at the thought of falling off. Once he realized that wouldn't happen, he relaxed again. They got to the top of the hill, and before Virgil could prepare for the descent, Roman was driving down the other side. "You're insane!" Virgil laughed as they sped down the hill, weaving around the bigger rocks and weeds.
********
Virgil lay on the picnic blanket they had laid out with his head on Roman's lap. He stared at the clouds as Roman lazily played with strands of his hair. "Oooh, Roman, look at that one." He pointed up at the sky. Roman followed the direction of his finger.
"What could you possibly think that one looks like, my dear?" Roman asked.
"A cloud."
Roman rolled his eyes. "I don't think that's how the game works."
"Sure it is. You try to find shapes in the clouds. A cloud is a shape, so, therefore, it counts."
"Well, that one looks like a dragon." Roman lifted his hand from Virgil's hair and pointed to a different cloud. Virgil looked at it, tilting his head to different angles.
"No, the fuck it doesn't." Virgil laughed. "How are you seeing a dragon?"
"If you tilt your head at this angle and squint a little, that main section is the body. Then there's the bit of cloud that stretches out from the middle; that's the wing. And there's a tiny cloud at the top; that's the fire it's breathing." Roman hummed, pointing to each part as he explained.
Virgil studied the cloud in silence for a moment before speaking. "Yeah, it's definitely not a dragon, but I can somewhat see where you're coming from." As he spoke, he grabbed Roman's outstretched hand and returned it to his head. Before Virgil let go, Roman guided their hands to his lips, kissing the other man's palm. He smiled at the slight redness creeping over Virgil's cheeks. Despite the years of marriage, Roman could still occasionally fluster him with small gestures like that. He let go of Virgil's hand and let his own drift back to Virgil's head to massage his scalp.
"Would you like to try four-wheeling by yourself now?"
"Mmmm, in a little bit. This is nice."
Roman hummed in agreement. He leaned down and kissed Virgil's forehead. "We shouldn't wait too much longer. The sun will set eventually, and I want to have time to drive around for a while." Virgil said nothing, only nodding in response. He let his eyes drift shut, content to relax with Roman for now.
He must have drifted off because the sun was no longer immediately overhead when he opened his eyes. It was still high in the sky but had drifted closer to the horizon. "What happened to not waiting much longer?" Virgil questioned, looking up at Roman.
"We have plenty of time left before sunset, and you looked so peaceful. Letting you sleep a little longer didn't hurt anything."
Virgil sat up. "Thanks, Ro." He leaned over, his lips brushing against Roman's. Roman leaned forward to meet him, returning the kiss before pulling away. He stood up, scooping Virgil into his arms as he did so, laughing at the yelp that escaped Virgil's mouth.
"Asshole," Virgil muttered lightheartedly. "Are you going to set me down now?"
Roman walked in a lazy circle, pretending to think. "Hmmm, nope. I don't think I will." He walked with Virgil to where they parked the car and the four-wheelers. He gently placed Virgil down, kissing the crown of his head once he was steady on his feet.
"You do realize we're going to have to walk back to pick up our food and blanket?" Virgil asked, already making his way back.
The tips of Roman's ears reddened slightly. "I, uh, forgot about that part."
********
Virgil watched Roman's back as he threw his head back and laughed. His hair was blowing in the wind, and the pure joy emanating from him had Virgil transfixed. He loved seeing Roman like this. It usually showed itself when he was performing or working on some project he was passionate about.
Maybe Roman was onto something when he suggested they ride separately. He loved being close to Roman and being able to just be along for the ride, basking in his presence. But seeing his beauty from afar was something Virgil loved just as much. Plus, he could stare as much as he wanted, and Roman wouldn't notice or think anything of it.
Not that he'd ever admit any of this to Roman's face. He didn't want to inflate his ego more than it already was. And he didn't want to deal with the inevitable teasing that would come if Roman found out he was being sappy.
Virgil followed Roman over some small hills and dunes before Roman slowed down at a relatively flat plain. Virgil pulled up beside him. Roman usually sped up when the ground flattened out, so his slowing down likely meant he wanted to talk to Virgil.
"Want to try that big hill up there?" Roman asked, gesturing to a hill not too far away that was steeper than anything they'd done that day. Virgil looked at it before nodding. It was a little out of his comfort zone, but Roman would be with him, so he didn't mind trying.
"Sure, but I'm following what you do. You know how to handle these things better than I do." The grin that broke out on Roman's face confirmed that this was worth it for Virgil. He'd do anything to keep that smile on his face. Roman sped up, pulling in front of Virgil again. Virgil followed behind, keeping a safe distance between them.
They reached the base of the hill. Roman found a less steep path and started up, Virgil following him. He watched Roman pause at the top before starting down. Virgil watched him descend, noting where he turned to continue riding over smaller hills. Virgil followed the path Roman had taken, albeit going slightly slower. Virgil's confidence grew as he descended the hill and over the smaller ones. He grinned as he drove over to where Roman had stopped to watch him come down.
"Let's do it again!" He called out, passing Roman to circle back around to the start.
"Yes, sir!" Roman laughed and followed.
Virgil took the path up the hill faster now that he was more comfortable. He kept going when he reached the top, only marginally slowing down before he started his descent. He laughed as the ground rushed past him. He felt so free.
Virgil heard Roman calling something and glanced back to see what he had said. Roman motioned frantically, but Virgil still couldn't understand what he was saying. He glanced back in front of him. He was much further down the hill than he thought he was. Too far down. He needed to slow down if he was going to make the turn.
Virgil squeezed down harshly on the brakes. His heart dropped as the four-wheeler jerked forward faster instead of slowing down. He had pulled the wrong handle. He quickly squeezed the other, but it was too late. He swerved to avoid hitting the large rock at the base of the next hill but wasn't fast enough. The front of the vehicle clipped against the rock, the momentum slamming Virgil forward. His head bashed against the handlebars before he was flung off completely.
********
Roman watched in horror as Virgil turned back to face where he was going. He was going too fast. Roman had wanted to warn him to slow down, but he only succeeded in distracting him.
It would be fine. It had to be. He still had a little bit of time to slow down.
But he was speeding up again.
What was he doing‽ Roman sped his four-wheeler forward and started down the hill, taking a different path than Virgil had. This wouldn't end well. He needed to get down this stupid hill as fast as possible.
He watched as Virgil tried to turn the vehicle with no success.
Watched his head slam into the handlebars.
Watched him get flung from the four-wheeler.
Tears blurred his vision as he reached the bottom of the hill. He jumped off his four-wheeler and ran. He was almost there. Virgil was touching his head. He could see the blood from here. Oh god, this wasn't good.
He fell to his knees beside Virgil, hovering over him. He gently touched his face, careful not to prod the wound. A gash had opened up across his face, and his nose was crooked and bleeding. Virgil stared up at him with vacant eyes.
"Virgil, can you hear me," Roman said shakily, trying to ignore the tears rushing down his cheeks. There was no sign that the other had heard him. "Oh god. Okay, I'm going to pick you up. We've got to get you back to the cars. I left our phones there. Fuck, why did I leave the phones there?"
Virgil just continued to stare up vacantly at him. Roman scooped him into his arms, being as gentle as he could but not missing the hiss of pain the other let out. At least it was a reaction. He couldn't be hissing in pain if he was dead.
"Virgil, can you hear me? Virgil, please. Virge, answer me, please. Are you okay? I'm sorry. Please be okay. It's okay. Virgil." Roman sobbed as he ran back to where he'd left his four-wheeler.
"It hurts," Virgil mumbled, barely audible.
"I know, my love," Roman sobbed harder, feeling the crushing mixture of pain and relief that he was hurt but at least okay enough to talk. "Are you alright? You scared me! It's gonna be okay. We'll get you to the hospital. It's going to be okay."
He wasn't sure what words were coming out of his mouth. Only that he couldn't stop them. He had to get Virgil to help. He couldn't lose him.
Roman gently set Virgil on the seat of the four-wheeler, getting into position behind him and supporting him as best he could. Virgil was back to not saying anything, which Roman hoped wasn't a bad sign. He took off in the car's direction, driving faster than he had the entire day.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid," Roman muttered, not taking his eyes off the path before him. "Why did I leave my phone in the car?"
He felt Virgil stir in his arms and glanced down to ensure he was okay. Virgil was looking up at him. His eyes were still hazy. He slowly shut them.
"Hey Virge, how are you feeling? Try to stay awake for me, mi amor. Please." He said softly, returning his eyes to the path. They were almost to the car. He would make it before it was too late. He had to.
********
Virgil opened his eyes, immediately snapping them shut again as the bright light stung his eyes. He opened them again, slower this time. His head was pounding, something was beeping, and everything felt sluggish.
As his eyes adjusted, he noticed a man with dark brown hair asleep at the foot of his bed. Virgil felt his heart skip a beat. The man was beautiful. The beeping sped up, and Virgil realized it was his heart rate monitor.
The man jerked awake. He looked around blearily, clearly disoriented. A ray of sunlight filtered through the window and hit his hair, revealing some slight red undertones. It was breathtaking.
"Virgil!" The man's voice was smooth and melodious. Virgil wanted to hear it for the rest of his life. "You're awake! How are you feeling."
"Will you marry me?" That wasn't what Virgil planned to say, but he hoped the man said yes. Who cares if this was his first time meeting him?
The man laughed. Virgil's heart stopped. How someone this perfect could exist was beyond him. "Very funny, Virgil. I'm glad you're doing well enough to crack jokes."
"I've never been more serious about anything in my entire life." Virgil stared, getting lost in his deep brown eyes. He wasn't sure if he'd ever find his way out. He was less sure if he even wanted to try. "I know we just met, but we could make it work."
The smile fell from his face. Virgil felt a surge of desperation to bring it back. "What do you mean we just met?" The man's beautiful voice sounded heartbroken. It made Virgil want to cry.
"I'm sorry. Have we met before?" Virgil asked. He was sure they hadn't. He'd remember seeing someone this perfect.
"Virgil, this isn't funny." The man looked scared. Something about it caused panic to rise in Virgil.
"I'm not joking." His heart started pounding. He heard the beeping of the heart rate monitor speed up. It brought him back to his surroundings. He'd been so focused on the man he'd forgotten where he was. "Why am I in a hospital?" The question was like a dam in his head bursting. More questions flooded his brain. "What happened? Who are you? How do you know my name? How did I get here?"
His lungs hurt, and his chest heaved as he tried to suck in the air, but he still couldn't breathe. He tried grabbing his hair, but bandages were wrapped around his head. Why were those there? What had happened to him? He felt a hand on his wrist and flinched away, tucking his hands close to his chest. He dimly heard someone calling his name, but he ignored it. He still couldn't get any air in his lungs. He heard a door burst open as his vision began to tunnel.
********
Roman stared at Virgil. He was asleep again. When he lost consciousness, the doctors rushed to ensure his anxiety attack hadn't caused any additional issues. They hadn't found any, and the last nurses had left the room a few moments prior.
Virgil looked so peaceful now compared to before. He'd looked terrified. Roman had been there for a lot of Virgil's anxiety attacks. It wasn't anything new to him, but it had been a long time since he had one that bad.
Roman didn't want to think about the other thing bothering him. How could Virgil not remember him? Everything seemed fine at first. There was some confusion in his eyes, but Roman just chalked that up to waking up in a hospital. But Virgil genuinely didn't know who he was. How could years of their relationship just be gone? What if he never got it back? Roman didn't know what he would do then.
Well, he did. Roman romanced Virgil into falling in love with him once. He could do it again. He wouldn't force Virgil into anything, and if he decided he wanted nothing to do with Roman, he would let Virgil go. All he wanted was for Virgil to be happy. He reached out and squeezed Virgil's hand. He ran his thumb over the back of Virgil's hand before gently bringing it to his lips and kissing his knuckles.
Roman lowered Virgil's hand back to his side. He glanced up at Virgil's sleeping face, jumping slightly when Virgil's eyes met his own. He was smiling softly.
"Virgil?" Roman asked hesitantly, scared to get his hopes up.
"Hey Princey."