Work Text:
Gunwook didn't remember waking up from a nightmare.
His eyes immediately shot open, looking around desperately in his room for answers of this odd dream. The boy looked everywhere, including his schoolbag, books, shelves and even in his closet. But it lead him to a dead end.
He looked at the date of today, the 19th of november, it was Monday, the beginning of the week. Gunwook started shaking, his hands were trembling as he placed the phone down on his desk. It was present, not the past or the future just like he thought. It was just another day.
Maybe it was all just a dream.
Of course, it had to be one.
He was probably just imagining things.
He chuckled at himself as he threw his bag over his shoulder and walked downstairs. His parents weren't home, but it wasn't something new. They were at work and he was aware of that. Gunwook decided to skip breakfast as he put on his shoes and jacket. For a winter day, it didn't seem to be cold. No, not even a single breeze hit his skin. The sun was shining brightly, blinding his eyes. He could feel the light of it hitting his face and it felt strangely hot.
Gunwook felt his heart pounding against his chest, feeling small bits of fear building up into his body. There was silence, the only thing he could hear was the cars riding on the road and his own footsteps that was hitting the stone ground. He was sure it had snown yesterday, so why was the weather like it was spring? The sun was shining brightly as it wasn't even slightly cold.
He didn't like hot weathers, but somehow, it didn't seem to bother him.
As soon as Gunwook arrived at the school, he stopped to take a deep breath as he closed his eyes for a second. He didn't understand why he was feeling like his chest was tightening, it was getting difficult to breathe, as if the air surrounding him was thickening up. His hands started to tremble as he finally felt the soft breeze hitting his skin. The world was spinning around, everything was going too fast and too slow at the same time.
"When did you wake up?"
He froze when he heard the familiar voice ask him that. The boy held his sleeves tightly and turned around to see Gyuvin, who was smiling at him. The question almost sounded unreal to his ears.
No.
Gyuvin asked him that same question every morning, even when their classes started later during the day. So why did it seem so unreal to him? Especially that genuine smile the older had on his face.
It wasn't new, it was his habit. There was no day he would not ask him those questions.
"6 am." Gunwook shortly replied. He actually didn't even remember what time he woke up. He wasn't woken up by an alarm this time, and no sound had come from his phone that would normally cause him to wake up.
"6 am..." Gyuvin repeated to himself, softly whispering as a smile appeared on his face. When he walked towards the entrance, Gyuvin was following. Why did it feel so weird? So odd? So strange? This happened every single day, so why did it feel so...
Different?
The older sat down next to him as he threw his bag on the floor, already complaining about the 2-hour long math class they had.
As soon as the break hit, Gunwook immediately walked towards the library. He ignored Gyuvin asking where he was going and headed there. It was usually empty so he preffered to be there instead. The sweet melody of a guitar caused him to stop walking. It was that familiar song he couldn't get out of his head every time he looked at the music room.
But he never imagined he would be able to hear it again. Gunwook took a deep breath as he tightly held his pen in his hand. He placed on the cold door knob and pulled it down.
Gunwook held his breath as his feet hit the ground with each step he made. He recognized that one specific green jacket from miles away. The strings of the guitar were creating that song he always loved so much and that voice...
The music was filling up the emptiness of the room, it was all getting washed away. As the boy in front of him hit the last note, he let out a deep sigh as he placed the guitar on the chair next to him. He turned around to face the other boy.
That smile blinded his eyes and his heart felt like it was about to explode.
"Gunwook?"
Hearing his voice say his name so calmly, it caused him to tense up a bit. "Taerae?" He was wearing glasses instead of his lenses. He had seen him so many times with glasses yet he couldn't get used to the look of him now. "Did you like the song?" Taerae asked as he took a small step closer. Gunwook didn't ignore the shyness in his voice.
"You know I love that song, hyung."
Taerae let out a soft chuckle as he lowered his head for a second. "You know about my song?" His cheeks were slightly red. Knowing the older, the younger knew he felt shy and a little embarrassed.
Of course he knew, Gunwook knew every single note, every single word, every single feeling. He sung it a couple of times to him, so how come that Taerae acted like he didn't know the song?
"Of course." Gunwook couldn't help but smile at the older. They both got distracted when his and Taerae's phone buzzed a couple of times. Out of curiosity, he grabbed it and opened his phone.
"Counterz?"
He read the name of the group chat. It felt so nostalgic, Gunwook somehow felt a comfortable feeling entering his body. It was the name of their friend groupchat. It was his idea, because he remembered how much he enjoyed watching the show 'The Uncanny Counter' with his friends. He remembered they binge watched the series instead of studying for their upcoming exams.
"Ah, it's just Zhanghao and Matthew fighting." Taerae said like it was a small joke, but Gunwook didn't see it as a simple joke.
"Fighting?"
That feeling of comfort suddenly disappeared and was replaced with fear instead. Gunwook's heart sank into his stomach. He felt his body tense up again. His hands were sweating as the color on his face went pale. A shaky breath escaped his mouth.
Oh no.
This wasn't good. No, he had to stop it. Matthew and Zhanghao couldn't fight, he didn't allow it to happen. Everything would be shattered like a fragile mirror falling into thousand pieces.
Not again.
"Gunwook? Are you okay?" Taerae sounded a little confused, probably not understanding why he was panicking so much. "They're just teasing each other. It's not a big deal." He tried to reassure him as he placed a hand on his shoulder softly rubbing it.
Gunwook felt like he was going insane. He wanted to tell Taerae that it was a big deal and that he shouldn't act so calm about it as if it was nothing. But all he did was stare at him as if he saw a ghost.
"Taerae-" Before he could finish his sentence, the schoolbell had cut him off. The older just smiled a little as his worry slowly disappeared. "I'll see you after school." He patted him on his shoulder before leaving him alone in the music room.
Gunwook's eyes followed him until he completely disappeared into the crowd.
He took a deep breath.
Instead of heading towards his class, Gunwook followed the path that lead him to the outside of the school. He closed his eyes for a moment as he slowly walked, but as soon as he opened them, he was in that secret hide out again.
It was almost like an abandoned building, but it had been decorated by him and his friends. The grey walls were filled with bright stickers, colorful drawings and happy posters, making it more alive. There was a movie projector that pointed directly against the smooth white wall. The couch looked less ruined than Gunwook had imagined and his eyes landed on the desk.
He remembered this place like breathing. Thinking about it for too long made it difficult. Everything here looked intact, just like Gunwook wanted it to look like, but it wasn't the way he remembered.
Noticing the papers on the desk, he walked towards them and reached out to touch the old and dusty papers. It looked like no one had used the desk for a very long time. It was the only thing that was covered in dust and slightly ruined, which made no sense to Gunwook. He grabbed the paper with his hands and tried to read what it was saying.
But he couldn't. It was almost like gibberish. Not even a single word was written correctly. Heck, it weren't even words, just random letters placed together. He let out a deep breath and placed the paper back on the desk and took a few steps back as he inspected the entire room. He started to think about this whole place.
Everything seemed too perfect to be real.
Why couldn't he remember? Was all he experienced before....
Just a bad dream?
No. It was not possible. Gunwook knew that something was wrong and that he might be slowly going insane if he didn't get the answers he wanted. Taerae acted differently when Gunwook told him that he knew about that song, Gyuvin asked him when he woke up, Matthew and Zhanghao...
"They're just teasing each other..." Gunwook repeated the words Taerae told him. It was unbelievable when he said that it was just like a small joke when it was clearly something bigger than that. Why? Oh why couldn't Taerae see that this was a big deal?
The tall boy got dragged out of his thoughts by a loud thud from outside. It was so close, as if something fell. Or someone.
Without any hesitation, Gunwook ran towards the door and swung it open as he walked outside. There was a group surrounding a situation and heard faint screaming and yelling. Gunwook felt his heart drop on the hot ground and froze for a second before he sprinted towards the scene.
Gunwook clenched his fists when he saw Matthew and Zhanghao. There was nothing, just screaming. They didn't raise a single hand, but their words did worse than a bullet would.
"Maybe if you weren't such a disgusting fag, you wouldn't feel this way." Matthew's eyes were filled with disgust and fury, as Zhanghao only stood there, watching his movements very carefully. He could hear some students gasping and some were even filming this whole situation. Anger was building up into his chest as he felt his hands getting sweaty and his knuckles started to turn white from all that pressure he put into his fists.
"You're the one that likes Hanbin." Zhanghao's words were almost too quiet to be even heard, yet it was clear enough for him to understand. Gunwook noticed that Matthew looked surprised from Zhanghao's comment, but he didn't seem to be happy with it. The shorter took a small step closer to the taller. "Excuse me? Say that again." He demanded, his eyes threatening him.
He knew what was going to happen next and he didn't want to remember it, or relive it. He wasn't insane... but this was just a nightmare... a memory that he was reliving in a stupid, bad dream.
"You're in love with Sung Hanbin. Deny it if you want, but I know you love him."
A loud punch echoed through his ears as he watched Zhanghao fall onto the ground. "Shut up you piece of shit!" Matthew raised his voice, trying to overpower him even though it didn't seem to work. Zhanghao let out a chuckle, almost mocking him as he got off the ground. But Gunwook knew what was going to happen. He wanted Zhanghao to shut up, to not say anything else, but all he could do was watch it happen.
"You're the one that is disgusting. No wonder why your family left you here to rot and die. You should be grateful you even have friends. But we all pity you. It's pathetic. You're pathetic."
Zhanghao touched a subject he should have left alone and never look at, but he hit it instead and broke it completely. Matthew didn't hesitate even for a second before throwing another harsh punch. But instead of allowing Zhanghao to get up, he got on top of him and kept punching him, allowing his anger to control him instead.
Gunwook panicked as he ran over to Matthew and tried to pull him off Zhanghao, but he was too weak due to the panic inside of his body. "Let go of me Gunwook!" Matthew screamed in fury but he refused to let go, until Matthew pushed him onto the ground.
He couldn't get up as his head hit the ground hard. His vision went blurry for a second as he tried to stand up.
"What about you, eh?" Matthew let out a low chuckle as he glared at the Chinese boy. "Your parents send you here to study, but you're on the same page as me. Except I actually have people around me, but you? You hardly make a living!" Gunwook got off from the floor, his head was a little dizzy and pushed Matthew away. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" Matthew's piercing scream hurt his ears, but he didn't care.
"You're taking that rat's side? For real, Gunwook?!" He felt too vulnerable to even respond to Matthew. He took a deep breath as he tried to think of words to say, but the shorter was before him. "I thought you were my friend. But I guess all you do is betray everyone around you. That's what you are good at. Like you covered up for your brother's crime but you turned him in? Gunmin still doesn't know it was you, does he? He needed that money to live, he asked you and trusted you to not tell anyone but you were too scared. It's pathetic."
Gunwook let out a small gasp. He froze for a second, but he took a step back after a few seconds. People started whispering and talking. Gunwook felt sick in his stomach and felt like he was about to throw up after hearing Matthew expose him in front of his whole class-- no, that didn't bother him.
But his whole friend group was there, watching the three boys.
"I'm sorry." It was very faint. It was still Matthew's voice, but his mouth didn't move not even by a centimeter as he heard his apology. "Gunwook I am so sorry." Still the same voice that kept apologizing, but his lips were still shut tight.
What was happening? Had he officially lost his mind? Gunwook felt like he was slowly going insane. He closed his eyes as he felt himself getting overflowed with emotions. His head hurt, his body was shaking and opened his eyes. He saw the scene unfolding in front of him, but he couldn't intervere in any way. He just stood there like a statue ready to be broken down.
"Do you think he will forgive you, Matthew?"
Gunwook slowly remembered. This wasn't a dream, this was his reality. How everything fell apart. How everyone started to hate him. How the bullying started. How he started to hate himself for everything that happened.
Maybe if he didn't stop Matthew and Zhanghao, would it be fine? Gunwook knew the answer would be no. It was obvious that it was a no.
Zhanghao moved away, back to China. Matthew was still in Korea, but he changed into a person he would rather avoid. Hanbin stopped contacting everyone, probably because he wanted to avoid what had happened and he didn't hear a single word from him after that. He doesn't remember what Taerae exactly said or did, but he changed too. Gyuvin and Taerae both avoided Gunwook after people were beating him up daily. He became an easy target for bullying after that day.
He felt Taerae's eyes always on him, but he never did anything. He always watched from afar, but didn't say a word. He always looked at him with pleading eyes, begging him like a fool to come and save him from this hell, but he just stood there and watched him burn away.
As for Gyuvin, he once came closer after a beating. He didn't expect him to say a word and just stare down at him, but Gyuvin asked him "why did you do that to yourself?" as if it was his fault. Gunwook wasn't sure if he was blaming him, or asking him why he was hurting himself, so he remained silent and watch Gyuvin walk away after asking that. Gunwook closed his eyes and placed his hands against his face as he felt his eyes tear up. Seconds felt like minutes and hours felt like days, Gunwook hated living and couldn't bear being alive for another moment. He felt his lip tremble as he was fighting back his tears.
He hated crying, because it always made him feel so weak so he struggled hard to fight back his tears, not wanting to show any kind of weakness.
"Do you think he will forgive us, Matthew?"
It was Hanbin asking that. He always was looking out for everyone before everything fell apart. He was like a caring mother taking care of her children, making sure they were all alright and make up after every single fight. Gunwook sighed as he opened his eyes, but he couldn't find Hanbin. In fact, he couldn't find a single person. He was standing on a building, a very high one. He looked at his phone, but it was empty. Next to it, there was a small piece of paper. He opened it, but couldn't read any word. Except 6 words.
'I am so sorry for everything.'
Before he could think for another second, he fell off the building. Gunwook screamed in terror as he closed his eyes once again and waited for the impact to hit his body, but he felt nothing. Too scared to open his eyes, he silently listened to his surroundings, but all he could hear was soft breathing and a monitor that was beeping in a certain way.
It made Gunwook sure that he was in the hospital. As he opened his eyes, he saw himself. He saw himself sleeping peacefully in a bed, so innocently as if nothing bad had happened. So pure as if everything was perfect. Except the mask that was providing him oxygen and all those wires on his body made it look less pleasing to watch. He felt his eyes well up, but this time, he didn't hold back.
He broke down in tears and started sobbing.
His breath trembled as he cried. His legs were feeling weak but still kept standing, watching himself. Gunwook was listening to himself, but got distracted by something else. His eyes went to a window and he saw his friends standing behind that. He wanted to walk up to them, but it was no use. He just stood there, watching them.
They weren't doing much either. Hanbin was sitting in a chair as he had buried his face into his hands, as Taerae was standing and keeping his eyes on the sleeping Gunwook. Matthew was standing right next to him. His eyes looked empty, emptier than a vacant house. Heck, he looked like the most lonely and devastated planet he could think of with no stars to brighten up his world and no sun to provide heat or light. Or any kind of life. It was a weird sight to see, especially the last time he saw him, he looked like a furious fire that nothing could stop it from spreading.
Gyuvin was staring as he kept one of his hands on the window. He wasn't crying, but his eyes were so red and puffy, Gunwook was sure he had been crying for hours. He couldn't ignore the look in his eyes. The guilt was eating Gyuvin alive. It was silent as no one dared to say a word. All Gunwook could do was watch them, as he was starting to realize that his friends couldn't see him, besides his unconscious body.
He was waiting for them to say something, but the silence was deafening. It was almost too painful. Gunwook was waiting for the silence to shatter like a glass that had fallen onto the floor, but all he could hear was his own breathing and that heart monitor.
But someone did finally break that fragile silence. It was no one other than Gyuvin. He watched his mouth move as he was carefully listening to his words before the silence fell once again.
"When will he wake up?"