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...anyone gifted with supernatural powers has something wrong with them inside...
His solitary entrance into the large, nearly vacant, dining hall hadn't gone unnoticed by the one who was already there waiting for him. He felt a little shameful in having arrived even the slightest bit late. But he knew he would have thought even less of himself if he would have shown up immediately, covered in the blood of his most recent target.
It would have been...
Impolite.
The man at the head of the table glanced up in Atsushi's direction from where he sat, and offered a fond smile. Atsushi couldn't claim that he found the man's physical appearance nearly as captivating as that of his subordinate and second-in-command, but he wasn't entirely without his looks. The man insisted on covering himself in a layer of medical bandages in order to cover up the evidence of his self-mutilation. But what was visible of his skin was a smooth, pale crème that contrasted nicely with the dark waves of hair that cascaded around his face to frame his lean features. And when he looked at you? His gaze was an intense caramelization of color that lingered somewhere between red and a rich, dark brown-depending on the light. And his smile...
...Atsushi could honestly say that the man's smile, in the rare moments he actually did smile, was one of the most beautiful things he'd ever seen...
“Welcome back.” This warm greeting filled the empty space between them. “How good of you to finally join me.” Atsushi paused in his approach to take a knee as he averted his gaze in order to give a reverent bow of the head.
...an invitation to join the boss for dinner was a privilege, and he'd wanted to treat it as such...
“My apologies for being late.” He murmured before righting himself and continuing his approach to the table.
“It's fine.” Dazai lightly chuckled towards this apology with the wave of his hand before looking Atsushi in the eye. “Were you successful in accomplishing the task I gave to you?” He asked with the slight cant of his head as Atsushi tentatively sat at the table in the place that had clearly been made for him in advance of his arrival.
“It's done.” Was Atsushi's simple reply as he avoided direct eye-contact with the man in order to take in the lavish meal that had been set along the dining table.
“Good work, Atsushi-kun.” This bit of praise from the man caused a reserved, fleeting smile to blossom along his lips before Atsushi quickly tucked it away behind the wide collar of his jacked.
As the two settled into a comfortable, familiar silence, Atsushi contemplated the nature of this invitation. Because he was keenly aware of how much the man valued what little privacy his position within the organization afforded him, and that Dazai almost always preferred to dine alone. Tentatively picking at his food-a meal he quickly noticed was his favorite, though he never remembered mentioning it-Atsushi began to wonder about the man's motives for this dinner.
“You should really try the wine...” He heard this softly murmured to him from across the table as he glanced at the drink. “It's quite good.”
Atsushi's heterochomatic gaze lingered along the glass of red wine before they slowly lifted towards the man sitting across the table from him. Dazai offered a slightly amused smirk towards Atsushi's hesitation before it was quickly smothered with the rim of his own glass of wine. Atsushi just sighed.
He didn't believe that this was a trap.
...but...
He also knew that-given the present company-there was much more to this than a simple meal and offer of some wine. Because Atsushi had quickly learned that the boss was clever in concealing his true motivations in most matters that appeared-at least on the surface-to be mundane and benign.
Taking stalk of this situation, admittedly Atsushi was a little slow on the uptake when he eventually noticed the bottle of wine strategically placed within the man's grasp.
“Is that a bottle of Chuuya's wine..?” Atsushi slowly questioned with the purse of his lips as the man placed his glass down along the table before passively regarding the bottle in question.
“Is it..?” Atsushi heard the man softly mumble through the makings of a slow-creeping smirk as he made a show of subtly inspecting the bottle for himself. “...oh dear...” He said with some feigned surprise before he took another brazen drink from his own glass. “It would appear so.” He faintly chuckled to himself as he all but confirmed Atsushi's suspicions.
“...why..?” Atsushi finally asked, though this simple question encompassed more than just the theft of wine.
“Well-” Dazai whimsically sighed as he began to passively swirl what little wine was left in his glass. “I figured that, since Chuuya insisted on roping you in to taking on his responsibilities before he left, you might as well enjoy some of the perks.” This came through the faint flicker of a smile and direct eye-contact. “You've earned it.” Followed by a moment of poignant silence-as the man slowly lifted his penetrating gaze from the glass.
So...
Dazai had finally found out that Atsushi had been commanded to guard him, along with who that directive had come from.
Though there was nothing subtle about Chuuya and his constant presence around the boss, when Atsushi had accepted the second-in-command's orders to watch Dazai, he'd at least tried to take a slightly more subtle approach.
But...
...apparently...
It hadn't been quite subtle enough to go unnoticed.
The man smiled at him over his utter lack of an emotional response to being caught.
“Well, well-” Dazai hummed in a pleasant tone. “you don't seem surprised, Atsushi.” The man declared when Atsushi hadn't reacted to having the purpose of his presence exposed.
“I'm not.” Atsushi monotonously replied-fully aware of the man's intelligence and powers of observation-as he stared his boss down with a pointed look to the man across the table before countering. “And you don't seem upset.” Dazai faintly chuckled with the faint twitch of his head.
“I'm not.” The man softly answered with an even softer, almost whimsical smile. “In fact-” He whispered, almost to himself as he gazed at his glass of wine. “I think it's absolutely adorable that the chibi went lengths to find me a babysitter while he's out.” Another faint chuckle came from across the dining-room table before their eyes met and Dazai directed his smile towards Atsushi. “Besides-” Dazai hummed as he regarded Atsushi with a lingering, critical gaze. “Chuuya could have done worse in his choice.”
Atsushi took this as a complement as he silently nodded in acceptance. A wave of relief washed over him: at least he didn't have to pretend anymore. And he reasoned with himself that he hadn't really been keeping anything from the man that Dazai hadn't already been well aware of from the very beginning.
But-
...it was a nice feeling to have everything out in the open, now...
Well...
Almost everything, that was.
Glancing down at his plate, Atsushi began to absently pick at his food with the purse of his lips and faint crease of his brows.
“...can I ask you something..?” He didn't look up, but waited for Dazai to answer.
“I've no fear of questions, Atsushi-” This came quietly murmured from across the table with a pause before the man added. “do you..?”
Atsushi gave the swift jerk of the head to this question as his gaze lingered on his plate of food, and his lips spread into a thin, taut line. Dazai already knew the answer to that question. Atsushi wasn't afraid of questions, or answering them. Because Atsushi wasn't afraid of anything.
...not anymore...
Dazai knew this-because it was Dazai who had helped him to overcome his fear.
Because Dazai Osamu was a good man.
He was kind.
He was patient with Atsushi.
Dazai was generous with the multitude of opportunities he'd offered him in order for Atsushi to prove himself. And he was a patient teacher while providing the lessons that he'd used in order to instruct Atsushi in ridding himself of his fear.
I think you're right.
You are a timid soul.
You use to be a cowardly boy. Searching for a way out, even with the enemy before your eyes.
But ever since that day, you changed.
...do you know why..?
Because it takes fear to drive away fear.
Since that day, you felt a constant fear.
One beyond what you can handle.
It never lets up for a second...
and it's taken your ability to react to any other fear.
Atsushi briefly recalled the one and only time he'd ever refused to follow one of Dazai's orders. Refused...out of fear. He remembered the look of utter disappointment along the man's face at how Atsushi had so completely failed him. He'd failed Dazai, because he'd been a coward-just as the man said. And the image in his mind of that look he'd received shamed Atsushi so completely that the mere thought of ever disappointing Dazai again became excruciatingly unbearable to him.
No! No, I...
I...
I'm not afraid...
Please, Dazai-san. Give me your orders, right this instant!
I will never turn my back on your commands again.
Never...
Ever...
Ever!!
After that fateful day, Atsushi swore to himself that he'd never fail Dazai again. With the endless opportunities he was afforded to prove himself after having made this unforgivable mistake, Atsushi devoted his every waking moment to doing everything within his power to aligning himself entirely with this philosophy. This principle that Dazai had presented to him. The idea the man had placed in his mind, that he could override and rid himself of his cowardice and fear with fear. So, from that moment on, Atsushi became what he feared most.
Pain.
Suffering.
...death...
And-just as he'd promised-Atsushi never again turned his back on Dazai, or anything that Dazai demanded of him. Because no one else cared about Atsushi the way that Dazai did.
Because Dazai Osamu was a good man-and had saved Atsushi from himself.
“Atsushi-” The call of his name caused him to lift his eyes from the plate of food as he met the man's gaze from across the table. “you wanted to ask me something..?” Dazai calmly prompted, seeming unbothered by the way Atsushi had momentarily lost himself in thought.
“Why did you send Chuuya away..?” Dazai gave the curious quirk of his head as his gaze narrowed at this question.
“He didn't tell you..?” Atsushi gave a twitch of the head in response as he held the man's intrigued expression. “Interesting.” Dazai passively hummed before glancing away as he refilled his glass and helped himself to more of the wine. “And here I'd just assumed the two of you were talking about me behind my back...” He lightly chuckled. “But then, you know what they say about assumptions...” As Atsushi scrutinized the man's expression-picking apart every single detail-it still seemed to him as if the man wasn't upset.
“He told me you were planning to send him away-” He subtly confirmed Dazai's assumption, because there was really no point in lying to the man. “but he never told me why.” Atsushi said, deciding not to add that Chuuya had never told him why because-by his own admission-the man hadn't known the reason himself.
Dazai took a slow, delicate sip from his now-full glass, seeming to savor the taste a moment before gently setting the glass back down and casting his gaze across the table.
“I sent him to deal with a concern that will greatly impact the interests and safety of the Port Mafia and this city.” Atsushi listened, refraining from asking any further questions when the man continued to speak. “But honestly?” Dazai paused in consideration before quickly beginning again. “I sent him away because lately he's been getting on my nerves.” Atsushi silently nodded, accepting this answer with little hesitation.
He didn't know what it was like to be under constant guard with so little privacy. But-at the very least-Atsushi could imagine that it would begin to place a tremendous toll on the one experiencing it. He also saw first-hand how volatile Dazai's relationship with his second-in-command had recently become. Even more-so than normal...
“Now it's my turn, Atsushi-kun...” Atsushi heard the man hum in a honeyed voice with a little smile and inquisitive tilt of the head. “Why did Chuuya order you to watch me..?”
An order...
There was no subtlety in his words.
Dazai knew that it had been an order...
And at first-as he stared at him-Atsushi wondered if the man hadn't actually been asleep when Chuuya had given this order the first time. But then, this was Dazai. And his ability to deduce situations and predict the outcome of events were well known and beyond reproach.
Atsushi quickly looked away from the man's probing gaze.
Dazai Osamu hadn't needed to be awake in order to know what had been said. He was just that good at figuring things out.
“Chuuya's worried about you.” Atsushi finally answered in a mumbled voice. “That's why he gave me the order.”
When Atsushi admitted to this, he didn't know exactly what he'd been expecting. But an airy chorus of chuckled laughter from the other end of the table hadn't been it. Glancing up, Atsushi caught sight of the man stifling his laughter with another drink from his glass before giving the amused shake of his head.
“Worried?” Dazai scoffed at the mere thought of this. “About me?” These words were forced out in a chortle of bubbled laughter. “Did he actually say that?” He asked, and Atsushi gave the twitch of his head.
“Not in so many words, no.” He finally admitted a bit flatly.
“No-” Dazai hummed in agreement. “he wouldn't have.” He said, holding Atsushi's attentive gaze. “Because Nakahara Chuuya hates me.” Dazai said this as if he'd given the man plenty of reason to do just that. “But he's an honorable man who loathes the act of betrayal. His principles and sense of loyalty are always getting in the way.” Dazai met Atsushi's confused expression with a pointed look. “Believe me-” His voice drew into a thin whisper with the slow fading of his smile. “he'd kill me in a heartbeat if he could.”
“I don't understand...” Atsushi replied with the furrow of his brows as Dazai shook his head and looked away.
“Don't worry about it, Atsushi.” He lowly whispered into the silence in order to wave away this concern. “It's been like that between the two of us since before you joined.” Atsushi looked away with the little crease of his brows, and at his own glass of untouched wine.
When they'd been alone together in Dazai's room while he slept.
Atsushi had seen the fleeting look on the man's face.
The exact moment when Chuuya had told him that Dazai was planning on making him leave.
...that look...
It didn't seem at all to Atsushi as if Chuuya wanted Dazai dead.
The furrow of his brow deepened some.
It had seemed the complete opposite, in fact.
But then-
...what did he know..?
“What about you, little tiger...” Atsushi heard the man ask, drawing his gaze upward towards the fond, little smile Dazai offered him. “Are you worried about me?” Atsushi gave a wordless nod to this question as the man tilted his head to him in curiosity. “Why?”
“Because something's wrong with you, Dazai-san.” Atsushi quietly voiced this concern from under the veil of his collared jacket-knowing he wouldn't be reprimanded for addressing the man so informally when it was just the two of them-as Dazai just snorted a little laugh at him.
“Well-” Dazai pondered this answer as he touched the glass to his lips. “anyone burdened with an ability automatically has something fundamentally wrong with them inside.” He said before his piercing gaze lifted towards Atsushi. “...wouldn't you agree..?”
Atsushi thought about this for a moment. Perhaps Dazai was right. He seemed certain of this statement, and Atsushi saw little evidence to the contrary. So he simply nodded in agreement.
“Now, then-” Dazai continued with a more pleasant smile along his lips. “are you going to make me drink alone?” He asked. “Or are you going to try some of this wine with me?” Atsushi pursed his lips, but decided to humor the man.
Though he wasn't much for drinking, It wasn't as if Atsushi never tasted alcohol before. But Chuuya's more refined taste in wines had always been just a bit puzzling to him. Atsushi had never been able to understand the man's interest in purchasing expensive bottles that he refrained from actually opening. Someone once described the man's wine-collecting behavior as a 'hobby', which only confused Atsushi more, because the whole thing seemed rather pointless to him.
But then...
He wasn't the one spending his money on wine he wouldn't drink.
Raising the glass in front of him to his lips, Atsushi took a small sip as he'd seen Dazai just do, and as the wine touched his tongue his heterochomatic eyes widened in surprise. Swallowing the liquid down, Atsushi stared at the drink in wonder.
“That's-” He exclaimed, then stopped himself because he was truly at a loss for words.
“Really smooth?” Dazai finished this thought for him before laughing. “I know, right?” Atsushi nodded before eagerly taking another sip, just to taste it again. “The man's sense of fashion is absolutely appalling.” Dazai said. “But even I have to admit he knows his wine.”
“I thought he hid all of his best wine in his private quarters...” Atsushi mumbled before glancing up at the man, who held an amused smile.
“Oh, he does.” Dazai confirmed this. “Where else would I have found it?” He laughed before raising his glass in a toast and gleefully declaring in triumph. “To the theft of the century!”
“But won't Chuuya be mad about this..?” Atsushi asked, though bringing up this valid question didn't exactly stop him from enjoying this ill-gotten bounty as Dazai smothered another chuckle with the rim of his own wine glass.
“Well, I'm not going to tell him.” Dazai said with some caustic amusement to his words before glancing up towards Atsushi with a devious little smirk. “...are you..?”
“No.” Atsushi snorted out with the twitch of his head-because he wasn't about to set himself up to be murdered by Chuuya-before taking another drink of wine as he heard Dazai affectionately hum.
“And that's why you're my favorite, Atsushi-kun.”
The rest of the dinner was spent in peaceful silence. Everything that had needed to be said had been said, and the two merely enjoyed the quiet pleasure of each other's company while eating and drinking together. It was nice, Atsushi had thought to himself, to experience this type of peace, because it was so rarely afforded to those within the mafia. This moment was a gift. He knew that, so he savored it.
After the decadent meal of crab and soba was done, Atsushi watched the man rise to his full height from the table and fondly gaze down at him.
“I'm feeling a bit sentimental this evening.” Dazai spoke in a soft tenor with an expression that was touched with that ever-present melancholy before extending his hand to Atsushi. “Care to join me on the rooftop to watch the sunset?”
Atsushi nodded, having no problem with catering to the man and accepting this latest request for his company. He'd been ordered to stay close, but the truth was that Atsushi wanted to stay by Dazai's side for as long as the man permitted. Standing from his seat at the table, Atsushi readily took the man's hand. The very second their hands touched, Atsushi felt the immediate effects of the man's ability wash over him. And it was so comforting to feel the affliction of his own ability lifted, for even a moment, as Dazai temporarily carried the heavy burden of his curse for him.
As the two left the hall hand-in-hand, and made their way together through the lobby of the main tower, their presence was silently acknowledged by a few reverent bows of the head of those they passed by before entering the elevator.
The ride to the top of the tower was done in complete silence. And through the glass, Atsushi could already see the beginning to what would no doubt be an amazing sight. When the elevator stopped on their floor, Atsushi dutifully followed the man out and onto the rooftop of the building.
The weather was mild, with the faintest breeze that tousled Atsushi's hair when he stepped out with Dazai onto the rooftop. And the view..? The view from the top of the tower was nothing short of stunning. Though-in this moment-Atsushi found himself more taken by the man beside him than the view of the city.
Because the way that the dying light filtered through the man's hair made it appear more of a warm, russet brown than black. And Dazai's gaze as it was illuminated by the setting sun was a breathtaking shade of dark ruby Atsushi had never seen before. In this moment, as Atsushi watched the man watching the sun set, he found Dazai entirely captivating in his appearance.
Fishing out a pack of cigarettes from his long, black coat, Dazai didn't even bother offering Atsushi one as he placed a cigarette delicately between his lips and lit it, because he knew that Atsushi didn't smoke. Taking a satisfied drag of the cigarette, Atsushi watched the man release it in a thin veil of smoke that was swept away along the evening breeze.
“I'm tired, Atsushi.” He heard this mumbled from between the man's lips as his brows furrowed in slight concern.
“We can go to your quarters if you need to rest.” Atsushi answered, which caused the man to faintly chuckle with the twitch of his head.
“That's not the type of tired I'm talking about.” Dazai replied, but didn't elaborate further.
As the silence between them drew on, Atsushi's gaze drifted from the man standing beside him, out onto the city landscape. This view truly was amazing, he thought to himself. And it was no wonder why Dazai had wanted to take some time to slow down and appreciate the view.
“There's something very important that I need to tell you.” Dazai whispered to him through another drag of his cigarette before continuing when Atsushi made it clear that he was intently listening. “As you know firsthand, I have the ability to nullify abilities.” Atsushi nodded to this, because the force and power of Dazai's ability had already been established on a very personal level. “And making use of that quirk, I managed to activate a singularity within myself.”
Atsushi stirred at this.
The man had created a singularity..?
What exactly was that?
...and...
What did that even mean?
Atsushi was stunned and confused by this, which clearly showed on his face. Yet all he could do was offer up a weak reply to this bit of news.
“...I didn't know you could do that...”
Dazai offered him a fleeting side-glance paired with a confident, smug little smirk-as if he enjoyed the fact that Atsushi was impressed by this. And that was all that he offered before continuing to divulge more sensitive information.
“Have you ever heard of 'The Book', Atsushi?” He quietly asked, and Atsushi gave the silent shake of his head as Dazai chuckled. “It's a book with blank pages that can form and alter the reality of a world-and those living in it-by anyone that writes in it.” He said, yet Atsushi was still a bit confused.
Dazai took another long, slow drag of his cigarette before releasing the smoke in a sigh before continuing.
“Because of my ability, I was able to forcibly connected the world's fragments through the singularity I created.” A faint pause fell along his words as his gaze lingered along the setting sun before he continued again. “And I know all this because I succeeded in reading the memories of the me outside the 'book'-” Dazai paused again. “that is, the 'real' me.”
Atsushi didn't understand.
Because none of this made any sense.
It was as if the man had truly gone mad, after all.
“So-” Atsushi's voice came slow and timid. “we're the ones living in this 'book'?” He asked. “And you're saying that none of this is real..?” That didn't make any sense.
He couldn't believe this. And Dazai just chuckled, giving the passive shrug of his shoulders as he continued to stare off into the distance.
“I've learned that 'real' is a bit of a subjective term.” He said, taking another drag of his cigarette before he continued in his thoughts. “There's an endless multitude of realities, Atsushi.” He said. “And the one we're experiencing right now is only one of them.”
Atsushi still didn't understand. And when the man dropped the cigarette and left his side, Atsushi began to feel nervous.
“Dazai-san...” Atsushi whispered out when he saw the man had finally made his way to the ledge of the building.
“This is the only world in which he lives, and writes novels.” He heard the man answer him in a hushed whisper, though Atsushi had no idea who Dazai was even talking about.
...none of this made any sense...
A magical book..?
Alternate realities..?
Infinite universes, and worlds within worlds...
Atsushi's body vibrated with nervous apprehension.
“And I can't let that world disappear.”
“Dazai, please...” Atsushi pleased with the man on the ledge of the building before Dazai turned on the heels of his black business shoes to look Atsushi in the eye with a smile as the evening breeze caught the end of his long jacket.
“You still don't get it...” Dazai gave a doleful sigh to this as he held Atsushi's perplexed gaze with a sad expression. “do you.”
Atsushi shook his head.
He couldn't disagree.
Because he didn't understand.
And...
He wanted Dazai to come off of the ledge of the building.
“Listen up, Atsushi-” Dazai said with the drop of his voice. “because now, you're my witness. Got it?” Atsushi swallowed hard-he didn't like the sound of that.
A witness..?
Why did Dazai need a witness..?
...a witness for what..?
The man gracefully rifled through his jacked in a fluid, elegant motion before retrieving the book Atsushi assumed he was talking about. Then he unceremoniously tossed it at Atsushi's feet from where he remained standing on the ledge.
“The book, and this world, are your responsibility now.” Dazai said, looking Atsushi in the eye. “I'll leave it to you.” Atsushi didn't make a move for the book, but when he approached to come closer to Dazai the man swiftly produced a gun-as if out of thin air-and pointed it directly at him. “Don't.” Dazai ordered in a low, deepened voice that caused Atsushi to instantaneously freeze in his tracks.
Without warning, his entire body had been seized by the crippling fear and cowardice he though he’d all but irradiated from himself. Because-in that moment-Atsushi realized that the man was completely serious about shooting him if he came any closer...
And Atsushi knew then that he very much wanted to live.
“As for my successor?” Dazai continued as he held the gun on Atsushi while he stood on the ledge of the building. “Obviously, I have to choose Nakahara Chuuya.” The man gave a humorless smirk to this. “Just tell that Chibikko-Mafia not to let it go to his head.” He said a bit caustically. “Also, tell him I said-” He paused in the delivery of his order. “try not to destroy the whole world when I'm gone.” Dazai ended this message with that same little smirk before sparing Atsushi a pointed look. “And one more thing.” He said as that smirk melted into the most beautiful smile that Atsushi had ever seen in his entire life. “Atsushi-kun, you're fired.”
...no...
Atsushi drew in a sharp, painful breath.
...please...
No, no, no, no.
“Please wait!” Atsushi screamed in horror with tears in his eyes, leaping forward as the man tilted back on his feet. “Dazai-san!”
No!
And just like that...
Dazai disappeared off of the building.
The End
