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“You lying manwhore!” A woman yells at the other end of the store. A slightly quieter male voice answers her. Percy does his best to ignore it, and continues shopping for prenatal vitamins for his mom.
The voices continue arguing and despite himself, Percy looks over to see, “-Hermes?”
Percy walks over. “Is everything okay?”
“Percy.” Hermes greets him, looking frustrated and tired. “Hello. Everything’s fine. Now’s not a good time.”
“I'm fine.” The woman says. There’s a tremor of panic in her voice. She seems to realize that she's making a scene, and quiets down. “Who are you?”
“-I'm a friend of Hermes.”
“-He’s my cousin.”
“‘Hermes?’ I thought your name was Fred!”
“Only as much as your real name is Chantelle.” Hermes counters, lifting an eyebrow.
Not-Chantelle looks away. Her eyes drift to Percy's shopping basket, and linger on the prenatal vitamins.
Percy realizes what's going on. The Hermes cabin is full of Hermes’ kids that have art thieves for mortal parents.
“You're pregnant?”
“How did you know-” The woman glares at Hermes. “This isn’t the first time you’ve done this, is it? Helped with a heist and left some poor woman with your child. Manwhore.”
“Well you were pretty into it at the time-”
The woman looks livid, like she’s debating throwing nearby tomatoes at Hermes.
“Okay!” Percy intervenes. “If child support is the issue, he’ll pay.”
“Right.” The woman says sarcastically. “I’m a thief too. I know how it works; make promises and then skip town and disappear.”
“Chantelle, I wasn’t lying-”
“He can pay right now.” Percy cuts Hermes off and looks at him. “Right?”
“Yeah, I suppose.”
“For all eighteen years?”
“Sure.” Hermes pulls out his phone and taps away. A moment later the woman’s phone pings, and her eyebrows raise.
“... You have that much cash liquidated?”
“Do you believe I want to help, now?”
“...I guess. Thank you. I have to get going. I’ll call later?”
“I’ll be waiting.”
“The prenatal vitamins are on sale this week.” Percy tells her, and she flashes him a thumbs up before disappearing behind an aisle.
The woman leaves. Percy glares at Hermes. “Really?”
The look Hermes gives him is equally amused and tired. “You have no idea what just happened here, do you?”
“What?”
“I’m a thief. We make promises and then skip town and disappear.” Hermes quotes. “She's wanted for questioning by the mortals here. By the end of the week she'll be halfway across the world, and will probably be spending some of the money on getaway vehicles and bribes.”
“What? But-”
“I don't mind. Have you seen the conversion between dollars and drachmas? It's pretty close to the value of gold. I didn't lose much.”
“Wait. Connor and Travis charge two drachma for a 6-pack of Pepsi-”
“-And I'm very proud. You won't ruin their fun, will you?”
He's been scammed. Cheated. For years. By a scheme he's done himself when he was twelve. Percy walks away with Hermes's laughter in his ears.