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Twenty Days after the death of the Demon King.
The northernmost part of the Northern Territories, the city of Selbstlos in the Güte region.
As he was once again watching a handful of young children running around and enjoying the countless pleasantries of a local festival, seemingly without a care in the world, he couldn’t stop himself from wondering if he would ever grow tired of such a sight.
The answer was probably no, or at least not anytime soon.
Despite his grandiose, sometimes almost a little exaggerated reputation, Himmel the Hero was a man who was able to appreciate even the smallest benefits of simple everyday life to their fullest. It was one of his greatest strengths, he believed. So, it was highly doubtful that he would ever not be able to appreciate the sight of innocent people enjoying their lives and celebrating a hopeful future. No matter how often he got to witness it.
It hadn’t even been three weeks since he and his comrades had hopefully made that future significantly brighter with their already historic victory over the Demon King and his forces. The majority of people involved in such an all-out brawl might still be licking their wounds, recovering from the strains such a hard-fought battle had put upon them, but his party was built different.
As soon as they had retreated to the closest town and the news of their success started to spread around the lands, people everywhere began to celebrate finally being free from the tyrannical monster that had plagued mankind for millennia on end. Subsequently, they began celebrating the people who had delivered that victory as well, and so, the four of them, Heiter, Eisen, Frieren, and Himmel himself had found themselves in a seemingly never-ending circle of celebratory festivals and royal balls, wherever their travels back to the southern countries were leading them.
There truly didn’t seem to be any end in sight, but until now, that was far from a bad thing.
Each and every one of his friends had been able to enjoy this type of attention in their own unique way.
For example, he had never seen Heiter so drunk, so publicly in all of their time together, and that was saying something. Neither had he heard Eisen laugh in such a carefree manner either. Even Frieren, the epitome of a stoic mage had smiled more often than usual and had downright grinned when the major of Selbslos had presented her with the town's most precious local grimoire.
It hadn't been the first time he had seen the magic-obsessed woman so enamored with a new spell, but every single time he believed it to be a true sight to behold and one that Himmel would never regret carving into his memory.
…not to mention one he desperately wanted to see directed not at something, but at someone. And soon.
“You should stop wasting time, my friend.” The words of his oldest companion reminded him of the fact that his thoughts were clearly showing on his face more often than not these days. “For dramatic effect, it might have been preferable if you had opened up to her right after the battle was won, but I understand that you would prefer not to have your unrivaled looks be compromised by the strains of battle for such a momentous occasion. You are weirdly proud like that.”
Heiter was enjoying his fifth drink of the evening, and although that might have already been enough to knock out a featherweight such as Himmel the Hero, with the exception of his slightly red-colored cheeks and the betraying smell of his breath, the cleric of their party looked barely phased by the alcohol so far.
Practice truly made the master in this case as it seemed.
“You know, even if you don’t always say it out loud like a certain other person in our group, I can still tell when you are thinking rude things about me in your head.”
The fact that his friend´s face barely changed while accusing him, combined with the man already reaching for his next glass of alcohol made him chuckle.
“If you weren’t so perceptive, my thoughts wouldn’t be able to bother you, my friend.”
“True enough, but then how would I ever be able to tell when you start to doubt yourself once again, hm? Someone has to motivate the hero of this generation to find happiness for himself once in a while finally.”
Well, he really wasn’t doubting himself very often in his humble opinion. In fact, Heiter was normally criticizing him for being far too optimistic most of the time.
It was only this specific topic in which he deemed him to be a doubter. Not without reason of course.
“I´m plenty happy nowadays. Not many people in this world get to enjoy the hospitalities of every single town they go through like we can. It truly is a blessing. One might start to believe that defeating the Demon King was a completely selfish action after all.” He wasn’t very good at it, but he had to at least attempt to change the subject once, before relenting.
Surprisingly, it was Eisen who called him out for it this time.
“That is not what he meant, and you know it.” It must have been somebody's birthday because the sturdy dwarf was helping himself to the biggest piece of delicious-looking beef Himmel had ever seen. “She went into the forest to the west about half an hour ago. Said she had something to take care of in there.”
The warrior of their party pointed towards the sky as he took another hefty bite out of his unusual meal.
“It´s nearly a full moon. The sky is clear for the moment. You two could be alone together for quite some time if you followed her right now. I´d say, get a move on.”
Himmel couldn’t help but chuckle again in response. “I never took you for a romantic, Eisen.”
The dwarf only shrugged. “One doesn’t need to be a romantic to notice something so obvious. Nor to appreciate the good fortune of a friend. No, two friends. Now go.”
His phrasing, kind as it may be, sounded more like a command and less like a suggestion.
Today, for a change, he decided to obey such a command without questioning it. Especially since he couldn’t help but agree with him. The night was indeed beautiful beyond comparison and the atmosphere was a celebratory one. If such a setup wouldn’t give him the courage to finally confess, what would?
So, with a quick pat on both his companion's backs, Himmel the Hero made his way towards the stage of his next great challenge. One that could easily be considered more difficult than defeating the Demon King, especially if you took into account that he would have to master this task all by himself for a change.
The local forest was significantly darker than the city which was constantly brightened by the festival lights to such an overwhelming extent, you could mistake it for the middle of the day, but thankfully, the moon was kind enough to provide him with at least enough light to see where he was going. The countless sounds of nature all around him, combined with the dwindling tune of the music at his back made his nerves calm down significantly as he walked along. At least enough for him to rationally consider how he would proceed now that he had made up his mind.
Considering who he was attempting to talk to, if he wanted to get the message across, it was rather obvious he needed to be direct. Leave no room for any misunderstandings. This was easier said than done considering that the woman he wanted to open up to had accepted him putting a ring on her finger while being down on one knee with barely more than a surprised look and an honest “thank you” as her response.
This time, he needed to put what he was feeling into actual words so that even she would understand the meaning behind them.
No more grand gestures. No more hints. No more subtlety.
This time he would come right out and tell her what he felt for her. What he had always felt for her.
How he wanted their joined journey to continue far into the future despite them having achieved their ultimate goal. That he looked forward to being there every time she found another grimoire just so he could see the childlike excitement in her face when she opened it. He wanted to ensure her that she would never have to worry about a mimic ever again because he would always be there to pull her out of it.
That wasn’t all though. He wanted nothing more than for the two of them to get to know each other more intimate in an environment that wouldn’t put as much pressure on their relationship as their journey had so far. There were so many things they could discover about one another, he was sure of that, and he would enjoy every new secret he was able to unpack about this mysterious woman more than he did the last.
Never again should she be alone like she had been until they had found her.
Not as long as he had anything to say about that.
Simply put, he wanted them to spend more time together. So much more.
Because he loved her, and he would forever regret it if he didn’t tell her.
If he didn’t at least give them a chance.
At least, that’s what he thought.
Himmel found her at a clearing, somewhere at the edge of the forest. The first thing he noticed was that he passed through a barrier as he stepped out of the woods and into the open. He couldn’t help but wonder what kind of barrier it was that let him pass through it so easily. Had Frieren constructed it? Why?
After looking around a little, he caught a small glimpse of the person he was searching for in the center of the clearing, next to a cliffside.
If his feelings weren’t already embarrassingly overbearing, the unparalleled beauty of the sight that presented itself in front of him right now would have made them even more so.
Dressed in her classical white-golden attire and with her staff lying peacefully by her side, the elven mage was kneeling in a field of colorful flowers, her long silver hair shining brightly in the moonlight. Even in the simple black-and-white contrast of the night, it was obvious how beautiful this scenery was.
If he had any artistic talent at all, he would have immediately begun to convert this scenery into a painting, but alas, it wasn’t meant to be, so he would have to be content with engraving this picture into his mind instead.
Still, Himmel couldn’t help but ask himself why she was kneeling in a place like this, no matter how beautiful it seemed. Had this location any specific meaning to her? If so, why hadn't they visited on their initial travel to the Demon King's fortress? Perhaps she had believed them to be too busy for such a detour, but it felt like this place was important to her, so why didn’t she at least mention it?
As he stepped closer, he finally realized what the elve was kneeling in front of and his mood changed dramatically for the worse.
It was a gravestone.
A simple one, made out of stone, with nothing more than a name engraved in it.
“Flamme”
The name sounded familiar to him. It was the name of a legendary magician, the founder of all human magic if the tales were to be believed. Frieren had mentioned her quite a while ago. She had been her teacher.
He was beginning to understand.
Before he could reach out to her though, before he could even so much as address her, he heard a sound. A sound that felt completely new to him and one he didn’t recognize.
If he didn’t know any better, he would have thought it was a… a sob.
“Frieren?” Unconsciously, his voice had turned into its softest possible variant as he said her name. It tended to do that anyway whenever he talked to her, but most of the time he did it on purpose.
For a second, it seemed like she hadn’t heard him. The silver-haired mage didn’t respond, she only continued to kneel in front of the grave and now that he was so close, he could see that her hands were folded in front of her face. It was a gesture Heiter had taught her many years ago. One that she and Eisen had initially dismissed as illogical and pointless, but that they had come to increasingly appreciate over time.
She was praying.
Feeling like an intruder in a very intimate moment, he had half the mind to turn around and leave her alone for a while. After all, he wasn’t in a rush, they would see each other again tomorrow, and the day after as well, he could easily talk to her a little later when she had completed her prayer.
Before he could turn around to leave though, she rose to her feet.
“Himmel.” Apparently, she didn’t even need to look at him to know who stood behind her. “I´m sorry, did I make you worry? I guess, I did not intend to stay here this long.”
She sounded one hundred percent collected as usual. He couldn’t detect any change in her always-so-stoic voice no matter how hard he searched for it.
Had he only imagined the sound from before?
“No, I´m sorry, I did not mean to-“ The apology he was about to give was stuck in his throat as Frieren finally turned to face him so that she was looking him straight in the eyes which promptly went wide in shock.
“Himmel?” The confusion in her voice was palpable.
She had difficulties expressing her emotions. He knew that. Better than anybody else in this world. But he also knew that this did not mean that she didn’t experience them just like any regular human would. It just wouldn’t be so easy to recognize them.
Which is why it shocked him so much to see her face at this moment. It had never been so clear in its interpretation.
Her expression was the same as always, not giving anything away, but, for once, it didn’t need to. The wet lines on her cheek were obvious enough.
“Is something wrong?”
How could she even ask that? His heart was bursting into a million pieces just looking at her. What was going on here?
“I believe that´s my line.” It took every ounce of restraint in his body to not reach out to her straight away. No matter how much he told himself that it was the right thing to do, the human thing to do, he anticipated that the woman standing in front of him might not appreciate such a gesture. “What happened?” He asked instead.
As if she only now realized what he was looking at, she rubbed her tears away with the edge of her sleeve before responding.
“I wanted to pay tribute to my master. Those flowers here, they were her favorite. She asked me to cast the spell that produced them around her grave before she passed.” Frieren began while gesturing at the wonderful field of flowers all around them. “Every time I visit her grave I renew the spell as well as the barrier that is protecting it. She never asked me to do anything like this, but it felt to me like she might appreciate it.”
Himmel could do nothing but nod. Even though that did very little to explain why she had been crying.
“From the moment she began to teach me magic, she was certain that it would be me who would defeat the Demon King. She always spoke so confidently about it, at some point, I started to believe her.”
He stepped forward so that he was now standing right next to her in front of the grave.
“After she passed away, that certainty I once felt in her presence slowly washed away. Without me noticing at first.” She continued. Her voice was still not betraying any emotion. “I continued to train as she had taught me, to be ready for when the moment would finally come, but after a millennium, even an elve starts to doubt if the time someone had prophesized was truly about to arrive.”
There was a pause in which the both of them were simply looking at the engraved name.
“A thousand years.” Even if she might not realize it, Himmel did. At some point, she had started to cry again. “At last, with all of your help, I was able to fulfill the expectations she had set upon me all these years ago. Flamme-sensei was always so sure I would succeed and yet…” For the first time, her voice betrayed her as it broke. Once again he could hear the sound of a hesitant sob coming from her. “She will never know that we did it. That she was right all along.”
Carefully, he reached out to her. Softly laying an arm around her tender shoulder. To his surprise, she didn’t flinch away. On the contrary, she wrapped her arms around his midsection in return without him having to push her to do so.
There was no doubt anymore. She was in pain.
Right now, the normally all but untouchable Frieren needed support.
Himmel was more than willing to lend it to her.
“I- I wish I could tell her. Aureole… it should be around here somewhere, but-“
Aureole? Was that a location? He had never heard of such a place before.
“If I tell her… if I tell her it took me over a thousand years… won't she be disappointed in me?” He wanted to protest, but Frieren was almost rambling now. “She saved me. When my village was destroyed, she helped me. Her strength… it protected me. She made me who I am today. Flamme-sensei was the greatest mage to ever live and yet today-“ Another sob. He tightened his arm around her in response. “Today, most people believe she wasn’t even a real person. Nothing more than a myth. On the day her dream had finally come true, no one was even able to realize it. I- I took too long…”
At last, she turned her head away from the gravestone and pressed it against his chest.
“I miss her.”
Slowly, he led both of them to sit on the ground. The powerful mage who had dealt the final blow to the Demon King was now clinging onto him for dear life while she sat in his lap. Her cries wouldn’t stop.
It looked like a dam had been broken. Like emotions that had been stored up over countless years had finally bubbled to the surface.
Himmel considered himself relatively adept at providing comfort, but even as he began to gently stroke her hair and carefully rub her back, the normally all too emotionless elve didn’t stop crying.
“You fulfilled her dream, Frieren.” He tried to ensure her. “Maybe nobody else thought about her at that moment, but you did. All those years you never forgot her. Not for a single moment. Her hopes and dreams lived on in you. For centuries. If anything, I´m sure, she would be proud of you.” It was nothing but the truth in his mind and yet, it did little to console her.
While sitting under the clear night sky, with the stars and the moon bright above them, Himmel let his love cry. In a sense, he felt guilty. It was almost a relief to see her so… human… and yet, at the same time, he finally started to realize why she behaved so distant toward most people.
It wasn’t because she was heartless, a trade of which she got accused regularly by people who barely knew her, but a theory she had disproved long, long ago with her actions. If anything, it was the opposite, she cared too much. Someone who could cry so deeply for a loved one who had died over a thousand years ago simply couldn’t be heartless.
No… maybe she didn’t care more than any regular person. Maybe she simply had to deal with a lot more loss than any regular human would during his lifetime and couldn’t figure out a suitable way to deal with it.
…
Perhaps, it was he who was behaving heartlessly then. Selfish even.
He understood that she would long outlive him. That the time they had together would only be but a grain of sand in the sheer endless ocean that was her life. If he confessed his feelings for her, and if luck would have it, she actually accepted, if not returned them, would he not condemn her to even more pain and suffering in the future?
Would approximately fifty years of happiness, for which he would no doubt give it his all, really be able to make up for another millennium of mourning? Was he not indirectly cursing the love of his life, exactly by calling her that?
If so, would it not be kinder of him to let their relationship continue the way that it was?
In his lab, Frieren had calmed down a little. She was still crying, but her shivering had stopped and it appeared as if she would be able to compose herself soon enough.
His selfish mind betrayed him once again as he longed for more time like this. He wanted to be there for her, to give her strength, to gift her joy, just as she so effortlessly gave to him. Unfortunately, it felt like all of these desires would come at a price too high for him to pay.
As he made his decision, he knew what it would mean all too well.
Most likely, he would lose her. Was it even possible to lose something or someone if you never truly had her, he wondered.
Once they were home, she would move on straight away if he didn’t stop her. Without any obvious attachments, nothing was holding her in a permanent place. She would go on searching for spells and grimoires for decades without ever noticing how much time had passed. Just as she had long ago before they had met.
It was entirely possible that Himmel might never see her again once they parted ways.
There was nothing he could imagine that would pain him more, and yet, he had come to the conclusion that he would let it happen all the same.
He would do it for her.
If it would result in lessening the burden that nye immortality had pressed upon his all too innocent friend, he would gladly be miserable for a time.
“Himmel?”
Her voice, just as always, was able to reach him even in the darkest places of his mind.
She had finally stopped crying and was instead looking up at him with wide eyes. To his surprise, she had never even attempted to let go of him or move out of his embrace.
“Why are you crying?”
Oh.
It seemed she wasn’t the only one who could shed tears without even noticing it.
“I´m afraid I just lost something.” He said with a strained smile.
Before he knew it, her palms were touching his cheek, gently whipping away the tears that had been there only moments before. He did the same to her in kind, while her beautiful eyes, green like the grass, were seemingly only looking at him.
Both their hands lingered for a moment too long and he knew that if this was continuing, his resolve would falter quicker than he might have wanted to admit.
“Do you want me to help you find it?” It was such an honest question that his heart nearly skipped a beat.
For a second, he imagined a future in which she asked him to accompany her on her next adventure.
A future in which she would make it clear that she might yet be happier with him by her side.
A future in which the painful feeling of regret would not befall him, because she would save him from it.
He swore to him then, that if such a chance would ever present itself, he would not hesitate to take it.
However, as long as that wasn’t the case…
“No.” He answered grabbing one of her hands and, in a last act of selfishness, softly placed a kiss on the ring he had gifted her many years ago. “I believe, it might be better if it remained lost.”
No matter how much he wavered, he was a hero after all. Himmel the Hero.
When she thanked him for being so helpful while entangling herself from him only moments later, he responded with a smile and even a small joke.
They parted ways as they always did, with a look that lasted a little too long and his heart in disarray, and yet, when they continued their way home the next morning, everything was the same as it was before.
Except for him, nothing had changed.
And yet, for a selfish man, it turned out everything had changed.