Chapter Text
Everyone has some sort of dream.
Tatsuya couldn't relate, though. He walked through life aimless and unknowing, going through the motions as if he was on autopilot. Everyday was the same drag into the next. Sure he had his motorcycle to work on, and don't get him wrong he absolutely loved doing so but when you compare that to the multiple hours in one day, Tatsuya barely has a life. If he ever goes anywhere it's because Lisa dragged him along. It was tiring and needless and Tatsuya often wondered if he'd even make it past high school or would he be dead by age 20.
He harbored no dreams, no grand ambitions. The future loomed like an insurmountable mountain, each path obscured by shadows of doubt. Katsuya often pushed the idea of becoming a police officer, but it didn't seem all that appealing. He often humored the idea of a mechanic but part of him worried it wouldn't pay well and he'd live his life struggling to make ends meet. He didn't want that, but he wasn't interested in anything else. It felt like torture trying to decide how to live.
And it didn't help the constant feeling of emptiness he has.
Part of him is missing. He can feel it. Deep inside his heart he can feel a gap in his memory he can't put his finger on. For years he's constantly wondered what this piece of him was and why couldn't he remember? Any time he tried, his head throbbed and morphed into a terrible migraine, stumping his efforts.
All he wants is to know what's missing and maybe then he can figure out what he wants to live for. Maybe that's why he's so aimless.
All of this brings him to his room late at night, staring at his phone ready to make a call to his own number.
The Joker Game.. he's heard his classmates talk about it before, but he wrote it off as yet another baseless rumor. Alas, desperation leads people to unlikely scenarios. They say if you call your own number, Joker will appear and grant you your wish. Tatsuya wasn't expecting much, he wasn't expecting anything at all. Honestly? He was doing this as some sort of last ditch effort, maybe in a little bit of fun. Graduation is close and the hole inside him is still there, eating away at him until he's nothing.
He wonders, if he wishes to remember what he may have lost will everything make sense? Or has it never made sense?
It's too late to ponder, he already hit the call button. His ring tone in his ear as he sits on the edge of his bed, staring ahead into his wall as he waits for nothing.. only to be met with something.
A ball of energy appears before him, crackling with force. Tatsuya's eyes widen in shock as the energy materializes into a man. The first thing that catches his eye is the headdress. It looked like some sort of clown doll with a creepy smile and cyan eyes. The uniform it wore resembled that of one at cuss.. just white with some extra details. He was tall, probably above six feet and staring at Tatsuya with a look so intense, it kept him glued to his seat.
The figure began to speak, its voice overlapping over many others echoing within Tatsuya's small room. Part of him prayed it wouldn't wake Katsuya up..
"I am Joker.. the final trump card called by those anguished over their dreams.." He spoke. Tatsuya could swear he shook a bit when he did but not out of nervousness. The gaze he had on him sharpened.
"Tell me your ideal."
Tatsuya was prepared. He was definitely prepared. He had heard the rumors of what happened if someone didn't answer quickly enough and the fact this came true.. he didn't want to take chances with becoming a shadowman.
"I'm missing something– I don't know what but I think it's important." He spoke slowly, not used to using his voice. Tatsuya had always been so quiet, going without speaking for months at a time in some cases. "I want to remember what I lost."
He hoped it could be granted. He hoped in some miracle like the many that had happened today that the void could finally be filled.
The masked figure, Joker, was silent for a few seconds. Tatsuya wondered if he was thinking it over.. but why did it seem like he was shocked?
"You should know." Joker said in disbelief. "You should already know— you know why I'm here! You know what you did!" His voice was desperate and anguished, clinging onto something that the other wasn't aware of and he was met with the confused state of the aloof boy in front of him.. It didn't take long for that shock to rage.
One second Tatsuya was sitting on his bed, the next he was being held up by clawed hands digging into his neck enough to draw blood.
"You.." He began, his voice trembling with a fury Tatsuya couldn't describe. "You don't remember!?"
He was thrown to the floor, pain shooting up his body as he tried to stifle a cry. He was so confused.. Why did his wish make Joker so angry? Did he know what he had forgotten?
Joker paced, hands clawing at his masked face yet it snagged on his claws like skin would. "What worth is there killing you if you don’t remember..!?"
I want to remember what I lost.
Joker was struck with an idea. A terrible idea really, but his own desperation consumed him. He was asking to remember, a wish was made.. a commitment. He could make him remember. Make him understand. And as per the contract of making a wish.. he had to join his circle. And then.. then..!
He could make him suffer by his hands until he grows bored and kills him! Maybe he can even make him kill his precious friends— those traitors!
Joker broke into a manic giggle, Tatsuya's face shifting into discomfort as he scooted away from the insane masked man. "I know.. I'll grant you your wish. But you have to do something for me, Tatsuya Suou."
Tatsuya remained silent but nodded as if to say, "Go on".
"You have to take full responsibility for your actions.." Joker whispered, stalking closer to where Tatsuya sat on the ground. It suddenly became clear what sort of situation he was in right now. He kept his gaze firm but he couldn't deny the slight fear he felt looking at Joker. "..And accept any punishment."
But alas, Tatsuya nodded in agreement despite his better judgment.
Joker's cold hand pressed against his head, in an instant it's like the contact sent a stream of memories into his mind.
The shrine, the festival..
Michel,
Lisa,
Maya-nee.. Jun..!
Oh god.
The fire. The smell of burning wood and the sight of her charred corpse. His Persona standing behind him as he looked down at the scene, shaking with tears in his eyes barely registering the sound of Jun's screams.
What have you done, you monster?!
..Why did he do it? What possessed him that night to.. kill his own big sister? Even if they weren't related, Tatsuya loved Maya so much. So why? The memories were still foggy, the details fuzzy but the big picture was shoved in his face. He remembered.. he didn't want her to move away. He didn't want her to leave him.
So he killed her. He locked her in the shrine and killed her when she tried to escape.
All of them killed her.
Tatsuya sat there, face fixed into horror. He let out a shaky breath, clutching his chest before a scream tore from him. Tears welled up in his eyes as the horrible emotions slammed into him like an oncoming train. "Maya-nee..!"
The smell of the body, the rotten flesh, her dying screams and the subtle feeling of triumph over his victory of never letting her leave again!—
Tatsuya slapped a hand over his mouth, spewing the contents of his stomach onto the hardwood floor beside him.
He heaved, his entire body shook. And Joker only stared with a sick sort of pleasure watching the display.
"Do you remember now?" Joker's question was a cruel taunt.
Tatsuya looked up at him, his identity becoming clear in an instant. "Ju—Jun..!?"
Haah.. ahh..!
His mind blanked at words. What could he even tell Jun? What was there to say? Tatsuya could only shuffle away more, hitting his closet door and bringing his knees close to his chest.
"I'm so sorry— I'm so sorry I didn't mean to..! I swear I didn't mean to—" Tatsuya pleaded, though pleas fell upon deaf ears as Jun, or rather, Joker grabbed his hair and slammed his head against his closet door.
"Sorry.. you're sorry!? Sorry won't bring her back!" He roared. "You killed her! I should cut your blasphemous tongue off for uttering such a word!"
"I'll make sure every last remaining second of your sad pathetic life will be filled with the amount of anguish I have endured for ten years!"
It felt like Tatsuya couldn't breathe. He was in so much shock. Barely having time to process his memories. But did he even deserve that? Did he even deserve anything at all, even his life. It hurt. He had betrayed his best friend. His sister. And nothing he can do can take it back..
"Please.. I can.. let me make it up to you—"
What was he even asking for? He was going to die here. He deserved it. It should've been him in that fire. It should've been him who burned!
"I'll do anything—"
Joker was silent for another moment. Tatsuya knew Jun could never be convinced so easily. Not after what happened. It was foolish for him to even think so. But his mouth moved before his mind could catch up with it. He prepared himself for a blow, the feeling of blood sputtering out his mouth before he's left to bleed out alone In his bedroom like the sad pathetic piece of shit he is..
"Anything?" Joker crooned with a tilt of his head. The glee was palpable.
Tatsuya nodded frantically.
Joker pulled him forward, his lips inches apart from the grinning mask. "Prove yourself by joining my ranks. Repay your debt and repent for your sins via loyal service of The Masked Circle."
Call it a desperate attempt at revenge. A sick twisted long form of it. Or maybe he just wanted an excuse to be able to torture the boy any time he wanted. Either way, the offer was made.
It was an offer he couldn't refuse. And it wasn't a decision. If he truly wanted to make it up to Maya, to Jun.. he had to do this. He didn't care if he died, but if this could honor her memory and ease the pain Jun had suffered because of him. He'd do anything.
" I'll do it.. " He breathed, the grip on his hair tightening. Joker giggled.
"Good choice. " He let go, letting Tatsuya fall to the floor. " You'll make a good dog, won't you.. Leo?"
After all, someone as aimless as Tatsuya needed someone to tell him what to do with his life. It's what Joker despises most about him.
At that moment, Tatsuya Suou was crowned, not in honor, but in servitude—a willing pawn. A collar shackled to his neck bounding him to Joker and their deal forever. His punishment. What he must do to make up for what he did.. and if he breaks that deal?
There were more painful ways to die than fire.