Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Its after the charity gala.

At first Roy thinks maybe its just the breakup with Keeley and for a moment, he’s almost amused.

But he quickly realises its something more then that.

It starts small,

inconsequential really.

But Roy, he knows the signs. This isn't his first rodeo as Ted would say. That thought makes him curse beneath his breath. Sounds like something fucking Lasso would say. It makes Roy's blood boil a little. He hates that the fucking cowboy coach has gotten into his head.

But the point is, Roy notices. It's small but its there.

Roy notices the way Jamie tips back the protein shaker as he stands in the locker room laughing with the boys, but the liquid inside doesn't actually seem to go down.

He notices the way Jamie's hands sometimes tremble as he picks up his water bottle in the gym. Having pushed himself harder than any of the rest of them.

He notices the way Jamie jots down notes in a little pocket notebook at lunch. Roy doesn't see what's in it, but he'd bet his championship trophy that its that stats of whatever Jamie's eating at lunch.

Its not new. Everyone has macros to track, protein goals to reach. Carefully controlled carb intakes, but there's a darkness to Jamie's eyes as he scribbles hastily in his little notebook.

Roy knows that look, and a part of him wants to look away, pretend he didn't see it. Pretend he doesn't know the signs for what they are. He looks around the room, everyone is eating and laughing, they don't see what Roy is seeing.

Most of them barely even spare Jamie a glance.

Fuck. Fucking fuckity fuck it.

It has to be Roy, it can't be anyone fucking else.

*******


The thought follows Roy all afternoon. He keeps finding his eyes straying over to Tartt. Watching as the younger man parades around full of false bravado.

And Roy hates himself a little bit for not noticing sooner, because once he’s started noticing things its like he can’t stop, and how far was his head up his own arse to not see what was so clearly right in front of him?

Jamie Tartt is obviously a fucking mess, but its more then that. The kid clearly needs some fucking help.


***********


Roy spends the next few days watching Jamie, taking note of all the little things that seem so fucking obvious now.

He wants to say something. He knows he has to say something. As far as he can tell nobody else has noticed, not even Ted.

He waits around in the car park after training trying to catch Jamie on his way out, everyone else long gone.

He watches the younger man come out into the carpark, looking stressed and drawn as he talks resignedly into his phone.

Roy can’t help but listen in as he watches Jamie’s shoulders hitch higher and higher as the conversation goes on.

“Yeah, I know. I know.” Jamie says kicking at the loose gravel of the carpark “No, I’m not….” He sighs biting his lip so hard Roy’s surprised it doesn’t start bleeding. “No, I…I will dad.”

Roy frowns as Jamie closes his eyes “I know” He younger man says softly. “Like I could forget. Yeah. Okay. I’ll send it now okay?”

Jamie winces and pulls the phone away from his ear, looking at the screen before sighing and shoving his phone back in his pocket.

“Oi” Roy calls in a soft growl.

Jamie startles at the sound, eyes narrowing as they land on Roy.

Roy can see the moment Jamie’s cocky little prick persona falls off his face. Jamie goes pale and suddenly look quite ill, before a scowl quickly comes back over the young mans face.

But there’s no taking back the look of pure exhaustion that Roy had seen and suddenly he feels like an idiot for never seeing how put on the little prick act was before.

“You alright?” Roy asks stiffly nodding at Jamie. “Couldn’t help but hear….”

Jamie scowls. “I’m fucking fine grandad, surprised you can hear anything without hearing aids.”

A week ago that would have caused a white-hot rage to burn across Roy’s mind but now he sees the weak attempt at misdirection for what it is. He can see Jamie’s hands trembling as he tucks them up into the hem of his shirt.

Roy’s eyes narrow as he takes Jamie’s defensive posture, and his tired eyes before he’s nodding at his car, “get in” He instructs.

Jamie’s eyes go wide. “Fucking what?” He says dumbfounded. “What are you on about?”

“I’m making you dinner.” Roy says firmly “Get in the fucking car.”

Jamie shakes his head, and if Roy didn't know better, he'd say the younger man looked almost...afraid.

“Look mate" Jamie grimaces "I don’t know what the fuck kind of mind game this is, but I’m tired yeah, so can we call it a day?”

He does look tired, Roy notes with a frown, and pale.

“Its not a fucking….mind game” He growls softly “Its dinner, you’re looking a bit thin.”

Jamie stiffens “Fuck you” He spits ferociously turning to walk over to his car.

“Jamie wait!” Roy calls reaching out to grab Jamie by the shoulder.

Jamie flinches back, eyes going wide. Roy sees the flash of fear and he immediately feels like a colossal arsehole.

“Jamie….” Roy says softly, immediately letting go and holding up his hands slowly. “I’m sorry.”

Jamie shakes his head “No” He mutters, a red blush dusting across his pale cheeks “Don’t have to be sorry, stupid innit? Look Roy I gotta go.”

“Please let me make you dinner” Roy says softly “We don’t have to talk or anything if you don’t want….Look I’m not trying to be a dick but you are looking kind of thin Jamie.”

Jamie flushes. “Been a bit stressed is all.” He looks up at Roy suddenly, eyes wide “You ain’t gonna say nothing to Ted are you? Its nothing Roy honest, just been a bit off.”

“I won’t tell him if you come with me and let me make you dinner.” Roy says firmly. “You’ve been off since the charity gala”

Jamie shrugs picking at his nails. “Keeley dumped me that night.”

“Don’t lie to me Jamie.” Roy says shaking his head. “You don’t have to tell me what’s going on, but don’t insult my fucking intelligence yeah?”

Jamie flushes redder. He looks over at Roy with his best prick smirk. “Well what are you going to make for me then?”

 Roy rolls his eyes, unlocking his car and nodding Jamie towards it. “Get in the car and you’ll find out won’t you?” he says walking towards his car.

Jamie hesitates, looking back over his shoulder at his car for a minute before slowly nodding to himself and following Roy.

************************


At first, its top five one of the most awkward meals Roy’s ever had.

Sitting at his dining table across from Jamie Tartt, watching as the little prick pushes his chicken pasta around on his plate.

“You know” Roy says swallowing a mouthful “my niece says she loves my chicken pasta”

“Oh yeah?” Jamie mutters softly

“Yeah, reckons its one of her favourite things I cook her for.” He says conversationally. “Always cleans her plate when I make it.”

“That’s good” Jamie shrugs. “Its…its great.”

Roy raises an eyebrow at him “How would you know?” He asks “Jamie, you’ve not had a single bite”

Jamie looks ready to argue, he opens his mouth, but a look Roy can’t quite place falls across the younger mans face and he snaps his mouth shut.

“Sorry” He mutters, tugging at his hoodie. “M'not really that hungry, big lunch.”

“You had half a protein shake for lunch” Roy points out.

Jamie’s eyes snap up to look at Roy and the anger is back. “You’ve been fucking watching me?” He says irritably. “Didn’t realise you were me fucking nutritionist Roy”

“I’m not” Roy says calmly. “But if you don’t start eating properly, I’ll have to tell the nutrition team. You could really hurt yourself Jamie, you know how important all this shit is, its drilled into us from day one.”

Jamie goes from angry to looking frightened so fast. “No!” He cries dropping his fork. “You can’t say anything! Please Roy, looks mate its just….just I've been a bit stressed yeah? I mean I’m eating, obviously. Swear down.” His eyes are boring into Roy so intensely “Please don’t say anything to anyone.”

Roy frowns at Jamie. “The nutritional plans are important Jamie.” He says softly.

“I know” Jamie nods “I’ll do better. I haven’t been slacking off in training or at games or nothing though Roy.”

“I’m not worried about your performance you Muppet.” Roy says softly. “I’m worried about your health, about you.”

Jamie flinches, tugging his hoodie cuffs over his hands, shaking his head “You ain’t gotta be, I’m just being a little bitch, I’ll do better, honest.”

Roy frowns. “I don’t think you’re being a little bitch Jamie. I do think somethings bothering you though.”

“Its not.” Jamie whispers, looking down at his plate. “Can you just leave it? Please?”

Roy sighs. “Eat your dinner.” He instructs softly.

He doesn’t say anything when Jamie leaves half the plate untouched, watching with morbid interest as Jamie drops one hand down to rub at his stomach with a small wince of pain after he’s pushed his plate away with a sigh.

“You alright?” He asks softly standing up

“Fine” Jamie says curtly

Roy raises an eyebrow and Jamie sighs and rolls his eyes at Roy, “I’m a bit bloated grandad s’all don’t have a fucking connery”

“A coronary” Roy corrects

“Whatever” Jamie huffs under his breath, “can I go home now?”

Roy shrugs taking Jamie’s plate “If you want too, but you’re welcome to hang around.” He walks off into the kitchen and he's not surprised when he hears Jamie's surprisingly soft foot steps follow after him.

“Roy?” Jamie asks softly after a moment of hesitating in the doorway “Why are you doing this man? You hate me.”

Roy sighs, setting the plates on the counter and turning to face Jamie, who’s got his arms crossed protectively across his chest and what Roy can only describe as a hopeful scowl on his face.

He’s just a fucking kid

Roy thinks to himself as he watches the younger man fiddle with his sleeves.

“I don’t hate you.” Roy bites out uncomfortably. “I hate how you fucking act. You could be fucking amazing Jamie, but you can be such a little prick sometimes, and its like you know exactly what you’re doing when you fucking antagonize people. I can see it. Its on fucking purpose.”

“You think I could be amazing?” Jamie asks softly, amazed.

Roy sighs but he nods, looking Jamie in the eyes “I do” He admits. “You’re the best on the team, you fucking know that but you aren’t the only one on the team and you can’t win by yourself.”

Jamie nods “Yeah” He agrees softly “I know.”

“So why do you act like you can?” Roy asks softly

“Dunno” Jamie shrugs. “I…don’t know, I just…I’m trying to be tough I guess… you know what it’s like, guys like…like you and me” Jamie says looking at Roy, eyes wide, silently pleading for Roy to understand.

“Its like…Nobody ain’t never expected nothing from us yeah?…Lads like us, from the places we grew up. We have to fight harder then everyone else, prove ourselves again and again… Gotta dominate, show 'em all we belong.”

“On the field yeah” Roy agrees softly. “Not in the locker room, not to your teammates, or the coaches, or the fucking kitman”

Jamie’s eyes flash. “Is all this about fucking Nate-”

“No” Roy interrupts “Its about you, and the fact that you ain’t been fucking eating properly, and I know you’ve been doing extra workouts-”

“Being the best doesn’t just happen Roy!” Jamie explodes, “You KNOW that!”

“I KNOW that you’re hurting yourself you little shit” Roy says seriously “and I’m not fucking letting that happen on my watch.”

Jamie scoffs “You ain’t the boss of me mate, I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself.”

“Yeah” Roy shakes his head “that’s the thing Jamie, I’m not so sure you can.”

Jamie frowns at Roy “I’m not soft” He spits defensively, but there’s something behind it that grabs Roy’s attention.

“Needing help doesn’t make you soft” Roy says quietly “it just makes you fucking human Jamie.”

“I’m supposed to be better than that.” Jamie mutters “Stronger. Tougher”

“Why?” Roy asks softly

Jamie looks down at his feet and shrugs.

“Dunno” He mutters “Just am ain’t I? Nobody likes a-a pathetic weak little baby”

“Jamie” Roy admonishes softly “You’re a lot of things kid, but you’re not weak or pathetic”

“What about a baby?” Jamie jokes weakly

“Well you are a fucking baby” Roy says lightly “Fucking 23 aren’t you? Got your whole life in front of you.”

“Yeah” Jamie nods suddenly stoic again “guess so.”

“Come on” Roy says gesturing Jamie over to his living room, “sit down and pick something to watch and I’ll make you a tea to help with your stomach.”

Jamie’s hand clenches over his stomach as a faint blush rises on his cheeks but its like he’s run out of steam for arguing with Roy for the moment because he’s quick to just nod wordlessly and trail over to the living room as directed.

He's half asleep by the time Roy comes into the room with two steaming mugs

“Its peppermint” He says softly to Jamie as he sets the mug down on the coffee table in front of him “Its supposed to be good for digestion”

“Ta” Jamie mutters softly chewing anxiously on a finger nail.

On autopilot Roy reaches forward to gently tug Jamie’s hand away from his mouth.

Jamie flinches, its small, almost unnoticeable but it immediately makes Roy pull back.

“Sorry.” Roy says a bit embarrassed “Habit. My niece bites her nails all the fucking time.”

“S’okay” Jamie shrugs tucking his hands into the cuffs of his hoodie instead, looking down at his lap.

Roy clears his throat awkwardly, eyes straying to the tv “What are we watching?” He asks

“Uh bake off” Jamie mutters “First thing I found but you can change it, or I could call an uber and get going if you want I don’t want to-“

“Jamie” Roy interrupts gently “Bake off’s good”

“Yeah?” Jamie says softly glancing up at Roy “Good, cool, mint” He nods to himself, tense posture relaxing just a little as he eases back into the sofa.

Roy relaxes back into the cushions as well, watching Jamie more then he’s watching the screen. He’s not at all surprised when Jamie’s eyes start fluttering 10 minutes in. After all the kid looks exhausted.

Roy doesn’t want to disturb him but he knows Jamie will be much more comfortable in the bed so reluctantly he lightly shakes the younger mans shoulder.

“Hmm” Jamie murmurs blinking awake and looking at Roy through sleep heavy eyes.

“Come on” Roy says softly standing up and gently pulling Jamie up with him “You’ll sleep better in a real fucking bed.”

Roy’s thankful that Jamie is clearly too exhausted to argue, instead the little Muppet lets Roy carefully lead him up the stairs to his guest room, he even tucks the little shit in.

Its not until he’s walking back downstairs, glancing at the clock that’s showing its barely 8pm that the gravity of the situation is hitting Roy.

“Fucccccck” He curses softly looking up at the ceiling where Jamie Tartt is sleeping soundly in his guest room.

Chapter Text

When Jamie wakes up he doesn’t know where he is at first. He knows he feels more well rested then he has in ages, and that the constant anxious thrumming that’s seemed to live under his skin the last few weeks isn’t as all-consuming as it has been.

He blinks himself awake looking around at his surroundings. He’s in an unfamiliar bed and while there’s times that would cause him panic, he doesn’t have that deep sense of panic now.

In fact, he feels oddly calm, warm and... something else that Jamie can’t quite put his finger on.

It takes him laying there for several long seconds to realise what he’s feeling is safe.

Its nice, for a moment.

and then the memories from the day before come to flooding to the forefront of his mind and suddenly that uncomfortable thrumming beneath his skin increases tenfold.

He’s at Roy’s house.

Roy Kent made him dinner and tucked him into bed.

Jamie groans hiding his face in his hands with a soft whine.

Roy must think he’s absolutely fucking pathetic.

Jamie reluctantly climbs out of the warm soft bed, taking a moment to look around the room.

Its pretty bare, a bed, a dresser and a soft looking chair in the corner of the room. Typical nondescript guest room, but it still manages to feel more homey then Jamie’s entire house, and if he were being honest with himself, a tiny part of him wants to just crawl under the bed and never leave.

But reality beckons and Jamie’s not some dumb scared little kid anymore.

(At least that’s what he tells himself)

He's hoping Roy’s still asleep and that he can just tiptoe out, pretend none of this ever happened but of course, why would the universe start helping Jamie out now?

Jamie can hear Roy in the kitchen before he's even halfway down the stairs.

He’s softly whistling to himself as the sound of cooking float up the stairs, the gentle banging of pots and pans.

Jamie takes a few deep breaths and tries to prepare himself for the worst before lifting his head up and pasting his best impression of a smile on his face.

“Morning” Roy greets him as he comes into the kitchen “Sleep well?”

“Uh yeah” Jamie says rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly “listen mate-“

“Sit down” Roy nods towards the breakfast bar “I’m making scrambled eggs, we can talk after you’ve eaten”

“You don’t need to do that” Jamie protests softly, he can already feel his face going red.

“Look I’m sorry about yesterday. It was fucking stupid. I was just being a little bitch. Please can we just…forget about it?”

Roy sets the fry pan down with a bang and Jamie flushes deeper when it makes him jump and he can tell by Roy’s frown that he noticed Jamie’s flinch.

“You weren’t being a little bitch” Roy says firmly “I don’t wanna fucking hear you say that again”

Jamie fiddles with his hoodie sleeve uncomfortably “Why?”

Roy’s eyebrows furrow and a look Jamie can’t quite name passes across Roy’s face.

“Because you shouldn’t talk about yourself like that” Roy says seriously.

“You do” Jamie mutters “you call me names all the time”

Roy’s frown deepens “Well I fucking shouldn’t” He says gruffly “I’m….I’m fucking sorry okay? I shouldn’t do that shit. It’s not okay, and I’m trying to be a better captain.”

Jamie’s eyes go wide as he just stares at Roy in shock until Roy rolls his eyes and points at the breakfast bar again “Sit down” He commands gently

Jamie drops down instantly, his eyes falling down to stare at the at the counter top with a soft petulant huff as Roy goes back to his cooking.

“What’s going on with you Jamie?” Roy says poking at his eggs after a moment of heavy silence.

Jamie sighs “Nothing” he says with a shrug “Really mate I don’t know what you think you know but you’re wrong.”

Roy turns away from the stove to look at Jamie with a raised eyebrow “What do you think I think?” He asks seriously as he puts some bread in the toaster.

Jamie blushes, absentmindedly tracing an invisible pattern on the counter with his finger “dunno” he mumbles “but I’m fine is the point”

“Yeah see” Roy says grabbing a plate and turning back to the stove poking at the fry pan with his spatula “I don’t think you are kid. Something is clearly bugging you.”


The toast pops and Roy butters it and sets in on a plate before scooping out some of the eggs on top of it and grabbing a knife and fork.

Jamie frowns as Roy walks back over to him sliding the plate in front of him

“My girlfriend just dumped me” Jamie points out “I’m allowed to be a bit fucking mopey”

he pouts at Roy’s back as the older man butters his own toast and scoops out the rest of the eggs onto another plate.

“Hm” Roy agrees with a hum sitting beside Jamie with his own breakfast “You are, but what I’ve been seeing? Bit fucking more than just a bit mopey Jamie. Eat” He adds after a moment of Jamie just staring down at his plate.

“I’m not hungry” Jamie shrugs pushing the eggs around the plate.

“I don’t see how.” Roy says firmly “You barely ate dinner, and you did three work outs yesterday by my count.”

“You fucking stalking me mate?” Jamie says snappishly

“I’m your captain you prick” Roy replies without any venom “Its my job to fucking notice.”

Jamie stiffens “never cared before”

“Yeah” Roy sighs “I know. I’ve been a fucking shit captain, like I said.” He says waving his fork around his head “Been all stuck in my own shit, haven’t been looking out for you boys like I should have been but I’m trying to pull my head out of my arse here.”

“Well that’s good” Jamie mutters nodding shyly “but really skip, I’m fine. You don’t gotta worry about me.”

Roy looks down at the plate Jamie still hasn’t touched. “Bit fucking hard not to when you’re not eating”

“I’m eating!” Jamie objects immediately shoving a forkful of eggs in his mouth “was just hot is all”

Roy grunts, clearly not believing Jamie. He watches as Jamie takes several long moments to chew his eggs, swallowing reluctantly before following it with a big gulp of water from the glass in front of him

“S’good” Jamie nods “thanks, for breakfast and…and fucking everything else but I really ought to get out of your hair.”

“Later” Roy says easily “you don’t have to rush off. Finish your breakfast first at least.”

Jamie glares down at the plate for a moment before seemingly remembering Roy’s watching him, he takes another bite, chewing and swallowing dryly before he turns back to Roy

“You don’t gotta babysit me man, really. I ain’t the best cook sure, but  I have a bunch of the frozen ready meals from the nutritionist at home. I’m fine.”

“One,” Roy says peppering his eggs “Those are fucking disgusting and we both know it. Two” he adds looking at Jamie “They only work if you actually fucking heat them up and eat them you Muppet”

Jamie stiffens “I do” He says tensely “I’m not a fucking child Roy. I can take care of myself.”

“Then why are you acting like one?” Roy says looking at Jamie.

Its very quickly clear to Roy that it was the wrong thing to say. The tightly wound string inside Jamie finally snaps

“Fuck you” Jamie seethes quietly getting up from the breakfast bar quickly and storming out of the kitchen.

Roy winces as his hears the front door slam a moment later.

“Fuck” He sighs picking at his eggs angrily.



***************************

At training later that morning Jamie won’t even look at Roy when he gets there.

He barely looks at anyone really, Roy notes with displeasure.

Roy had noticed that the kid had been uncharacteristically quiet lately but this was next level. Jamie wouldn’t even make eye contact with anyone.

Everyone else seems to pick up on the sombre mood, happily steering clear of Jamie as they went about getting ready for training.


Roy though, Roy couldn’t help but watch as Jamie stiffly pulls on his kit. The kid pointedly not raising his eyes up from the ground for a single moment like he’s wasn’t willing to risk any accidental eye contact.

“Ted” Roy says gruffly and suddenly causing the soft mutters around the room to abruptly stop “A word?”

Ted looks confused but he smiles at Roy “Course Roy, always happy for a word with our captain, my office?”

Roy nods and grunts walking past Ted into the office.

As he strides forwards he can see Jamie’s reflection in the office window. The younger man finally looking up from the floor to look at Roy's back with wide pleading eyes.

The silent message is crystal clear

Please don’t say anything.