Work Text:
Imogen’s body ached and her skin burned where her lightning marks stretched across her limbs. She glanced at her bare legs and then the sheer blue dress under her vest, the damage done in battle the only indicator of what happened. The proof remained on her skin in the form of angry pink gouges, but she couldn’t recall the details.
Though exhaustion weighed on her, she dreaded falling asleep because she feared she would dream. Imogen hadn’t slept through the night in months because most of the time she woke up screaming, and she hadn’t slept at all in the past few days.
Despite having a better handle on her powers, Imogen almost felt like her dreams became more uncontrollable. It was as if becoming Exulted had strengthened Ruidus’ hold on her because that urge to delve deeper and give in only weakened her ability to resist its call.
For the years that Liliana spent saying nothing more than ‘Run,’ perhaps Imogen at last knew why. Giving in would perhaps be irreversible, and she believed her mother had found that out the hard way.
Why her, though, Imogen still did not know. She had guesses, of course, but couldn’t quite wrap her head around the fact she herself could be the key.
The last few dreams Liliana had been more distant, yet her words had held even more desperation, which was strange since Imogen felt like her mother had never been so close. She was thankful Liliana never showed, never physically presented herself in the dreams because Imogen didn’t know if she’d be able to look at her.
Not after what she’d done for Ludinus.
Not after what she’d done to that dark-winged angel who had appeared to save the Tempest.
Not after all the destruction Liliana had played a part in causing.
Imogen knew in her heart that her mother was not bad. She’d felt her mind, seen the core of her. Whether Liliana was being controlled or just misled, she was not evil.
That’s what hurt Imogen so much—her mother was serving an asshole like Ludinus when deep down, she believed her mother to be...good.
Imogen closed her eyes and sighed.
A wave of vertigo-laced exhaustion washed over her and Imogen placed a palm against the wooden wall. After it passed, she made her way outside.
With the warmer months here, she’d put up a hammock out on the deck so her nightly terrors would not be confined to the same room as the rest of Bells Hells. It helped, she thought, to sleep in the open. It was as if her brain could sense the freedom, so her anxiety didn’t spike as much.
She did, however, miss sleeping next to Laudna. She’d grown used to having her there, her cool presence comforting when fear threatened to swallow Imogen whole.
On the upper deck of the airship, Imogen found Laudna sitting in the hammock. Though dawn peeked over the horizon, none of Bells Hells had slept since they’d all just stumbled back to the ship after a hard-fought battle, and Laudna didn’t seem to be the exception. She rocked slowly back and forth, her long, thin legs dangling over the short end as though she sat on a tree branch. Her fingers idly stroked Pâté’s mangy hair as she hummed an airy, wordless tune.
Imogen leaned a shoulder on the nearest mast and reached out with her mind. Laudna’s soft, eerily beautiful melody of thoughts swelled toward her like an ocean wave. It climbed toward Imogen, soaking her in the music which soothed her soul, and like the tide going out to sea, pulled her in. As Laudna’s essence enveloped her, she tapped immaterial fingertips on the tether which bound them. Can I join ya?
Laudna blinked and glanced sidelong, her pale face lighting with a small smile. Hi. She patted the space beside her and Imogen almost managed a smile. You’re always welcome, darling.
Imogen took a wavering breath, but the air didn’t quite fill her lungs.
Laudna, ever observant, frowned. What’s wrong, darling?
Imogen shook her head as she eased into the hammock next to Laudna. Just tired.
“Imogen...” Concern filled that gentle whisper.
Another shake of her head. “I’m fine, Laudna.”
“Nothing else is bothering you?”
Imogen sank into Laudna and leaned her head on the other woman’s shoulder. Words took too much energy, so she thought, Just tired. Her eyes flitted shut as she settled in and Laudna resumed her gentle rocking.
The cool summer morning air played with her lavender hair, and the scent of fallen leaves met her nose—Laudna’s scent of fallen leaves, orchids, and persimmons.
Imogen breathed her in as they rocked, and sleep wrapped its arms around her. A flash of red wind and dust drew a sharp inhale from between her lips and she shook off sleep’s grasp.
Laudna placed a kiss on her head and said, Are you alright?
She nodded, cheek brushing softly against Laudna’s dress. Just tired.
You've said that three times already. When’s the last time you slept, darling?
Imogen didn’t have an answer. Along with all the voices around her, she felt like whatever tether she had to Ruidus tugged at her periphery constantly. There was nothing she could do to escape it. Some days that made her feel powerful, but most times it left her wary and drained.
You need to rest.
Imogen swallowed her trepidation as she tossed around what to say—how much to say. I don’t want to quite yet.
Darling, you can barely keep your eyes open.
Even as Laudna said the words, Imogen found herself fighting to keep the darkness away. She wanted to sleep, but that red storm loomed just around the corner. To occupy her mind, she fiddled with a bit of material on Laudna’s dress.
A gentle hand cupped Imogen’s jaw and pulled her gaze upward. Laudna’s eyes glinted in the blue morning light. “Imogen, I cannot read your thoughts, dear, but I know there is something wrong.”
Imogen wrung her hands, grimacing. “Is it ridiculous if I say I’m scared?”
Something in Laudna’s gaze shuttered. “No. Never.” She slid her hand in between Imogen’s and held them still. The contact was gentle, but firm—a reminder of her presence. “What scares you?”
She took a breath. “Sleepin’.” Then she tilted her head and clarified, “Well, dreamin’.”
Laudna glanced away, nodding slowly. She whispered, “Is that why you’ve been sleeping out here?”
Imogen nodded. “I feel guilty about wakin’ everyone up every time I dream, especially since it has become more frequent.”
“We all understand. Nobody holds that against you.”
“That doesn’t change the way I feel about it.”
Laudna inhaled deeply, which for someone who rarely had to breathe, drew Imogen’s attention. She was thankful for it because that warded fatigue off for that much longer. Another breath.
“I’ve missed you,” Laudna whispered. She shook her head after a beat and said, “I’m sorry. That was selfish.”
Imogen planted a kiss on Laudna’s shoulder. “That’s not selfish. It’s how you feel.” The ghost of a smile picked at her mouth. “And I’ve missed you, too. I miss sleepin’ beside you like we used to.”
Laudna gave her leg a squeeze. “Is it better? Sleeping out here?”
Imogen shrugged. “I don’t feel like I’m trapped as much out here, but I feel more vulnerable. I felt safe with you by my side.”
“Would you let me sleep out here with you?”
It took a few moments for the sentence to sink in, and when it did, Imogen chuckled. “I’m such an idiot. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that.”
Laudna shrugged. “You were just thinking of us and didn’t allow yourself to think about you.”
Imogen took a deep breath and did her best to keep her eyes open. She tried to speak but found her voice depleted like her quickly fleeting energy. She nudged her cheek against Laudna’s shoulder again and whispered, Please stay .
At that, Laudna seemed to sink farther into the hammock as she pulled Imogen closer into her side. Of course, darling. Silence fell as Laudna's long fingers caressed Imogen’s scarred hands. The pad of her index finger ran along the marked grooves which indented her flesh in streaks of purple lightning. Do they hurt anymore?
They’re sore, kinda achy, but not painful.
Good. That’s good. An hour ago, you could barely stand me touching you.
She hummed an acknowledgment. I don’t remember that.
What do you remember?
Imogen peered up at Laudna’s face which was drawn. Everything’s kinda blurry.
That was partially true. Imogen recalled flashes of blood, claws, and blades. Sections of the fight zoomed in, coming into focus with crystal clear clarity, but then other parts were unfocused and cryptic. It hurt her brain to try and root through each interaction and attempt to separate reality from imagined scenario.
Imogen laced her fingers through Laudna’s black-tipped ones and held their hands on her thigh. She was wary to ask but did anyway. What happened?
Instead of answering, Laudna shifted which caused Imogen to jolt from the brink of sleep. She lifted her eyes once more only to find Laudna’s dark eyes scanning her body. She touched a cool finger to the scars visible just under her sheer dress and something like a shudder went through her.
Her head tilted. “Darling, why are these gouges still here?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mended your dress because his claws had nearly torn it to shreds, but—” Laudna’s beautiful dark eyes lifted and met Imogen’s. “Why haven’t you healed?”
“Letters didn’t have enough—”
Laudna shifted her entire body toward her and cupped both hands on either side of Imogen’s face. “Darling, are these from the fight against Extovass still?” Her gaze slid along the remnants of the injuries.
Imogen blinked, struggling to fight for authority over her movements since exhaustion tore all control from her. “We just got back from the Valley,” she said slowly, shaking her head. “I don’t understand...”
Laudna’s thumbs caressed her cheeks in soft, smooth motions, but her expression held panic and concern. “Imogen, darling, the confrontation with Extovass in the Grey Valley was two days ago.”
It took a few seconds for the meaning of Laudna’s words to sink in. She blinked. “What?” Imogen chewed on her lip. Blood, claws, and blades flashed through her mind again, but the details didn’t elucidate. Yet she was sure that had happened only a few hours ago. Imogen turned her face toward the edge of the airship, toward the endless expanse of sky, and tried to organize the timeline of events in her head, but whole gaps of time seemed to be missing.
“Look at me.”
Imogen wracked her brain for answers, yet all that appeared were glimpses of that impending storm. Flashes of vicious red replaced any memories she might have of battling Extovass and saving Orym’s sister and her compatriots. She knew it happened, but Imogen had no independent recollection of it happening.
“Look at me, darling.”
Weariness pulled at her. It was a soft, gentle tug like a parent tucking their child in at night.
Red—
Streaks of lightning—
Deafening, destructive wind—
That terrifying, ominous storm which reached its gnarled hands toward her—
Imogen jerked away from the edge of sleep she teetered toward only to find Laudna’s dark eyes flitting along her figure. Both her hands were clasped around Imogen’s, her cool skin tempering the warm scars. Laudna relented a hand to cup Imogen’s flushed cheek and brushed a thumb along her freckles.
Her voice was low and calm, as though she chose her words carefully. “Have you been forcing yourself to stay awake?”
Imogen’s mind could hardly put meaning to Laudna’s words, and it took every ounce of her will to focus, dissect the sentence, and then replied, “Laudna, I—”
“If you had rested, you would have healed by now, yet your body is still marred by these horrid claw marks,” Laudna whispered, hints of anger weaved throughout her worry. “Imogen.”
She couldn’t make her eyes focus.
“Imogen, have you been keeping yourself from sleeping?”
Imogen closed her eyes and sank into Laudna’s touch. She took a breath, then another.
Sleep called to her like a siren’s song.
She was so tired—
That red storm hurtled toward her, tearing at her mind, and threatened to cast her into cold darkness.
Imogen inhaled sharply and her eyes snapped open again.
This time, Laudna gazed at her with visible apprehension. She muttered, “You have.”
“I’m sorry, Laudna,” Imogen mumbled, laying her forehead on Laudna’s shoulder.
“Darling, why haven’t you come to me? Why haven’t you told me this?”
Imogen shrugged. She didn’t have the energy for words. After several moments of silence filtered by the gentle breeze, she said, It shouldn’t be your burden to bear.
Laudna released a breath. Then, she tilted Imogen’s face up toward her. How many times have you reassured me that I am not a burden? How many times have you seen the worth in me when all I saw was a dead end? Laudna continued before Imogen could decide if she wanted an answer or not. You are not a burden. These nightmares of yours are not a burden. They are part of you, and though I hate that you have to deal with them, I love you. I can hate those awful storms and love you, which I do.
Laudna reached an arm behind Imogen’s head and carded her fingers through her lavender hair. She said thoughtfully, Do you remember how you’d always clutch my hand whenever we’d take the cable cars?
Imogen almost chuckled. God, I still hate those fuckin’ things.
And isn’t that why you’d take my hand? Because they scared you?
Yes, Imogen admitted. She focused through the fatigue and said, Nothin’ seems quite as scary when you’re at my side.
Laudna’s hand made another sweep through Imogen’s hair. Did it feel burdensome when you sought solace in me during those cable rides?
No. It helped—quite a bit, actually—knowin’ you were there and you weren’t scared. You anchored me, eased my anxiety.
And that’s all I wish to be for you—an anchor, Laudna whispered. The cable cars are something you fear, same as these dreams. You did not shy away from me when you feared those, so you needn’t feel like a burden seeking my help when you must face these dreams.
Imogen huffed a bit of air through her nose. These dreams are way fuckin’ scarier than the cable cars.
Laudna nodded. I understand that, but the situations are similar. I cannot ease your fear or prevent you from traveling into the storm, but I can stay by your side. I can hold you and help you through. She clutched Imogen’s hand. Your fears are not a burden. They are real, and they are a part of you, and asking for help does not make those fears any more invasive in our relationship. Knowing does not prohibit me from loving you, nor does it make you any harder to love.
Imogen laced her fingers through Laudna’s but couldn’t find words. She simply existed in the moment, feeling her presence, the coolness of her touch easing some of the heat of her marks.
I would do anything for you, Laudna said, grazing her thumb over the back of Imogen’s hand. I would gladly hold you every night if that meant you could sleep peacefully. You—along with all the fucking shit you face—are not a burden. You are a gift and a light in my life which used to be shrouded in darkness. You brought me back from death.
Though I didn’t fully know it, Imogen said, I loved you, even then. When you died, I felt like a part of my soul had been stripped from me. In those days you were gone, I felt so alone.
Laudna raised her right wrist, revealing the red thread bracelet and the serpent ring. I may not always be able to come into your dreams with you, but this bracelet is your reminder that you are not alone.
Imogen shook her head. Sometimes the dreams feel so isolatin’, you know? I get carried into the storm, and all that surrounds me is red dust and chaos. She took a shaky breath. I get so close to bein’ swept away. Then, a smile picked at the corner of her lips. Then I remember you and I latch onto the thought of you—your essence. You keep me from bein’ dragged under.
Don’t be afraid to fly, but know that I will always extend my hand if you fear you’ll come undone. Laudna rested her forehead against Imogen’s. As long as you need grounded, I will not let you go. I’ll hold fast to you in the storm.
Imogen smiled. Tethered hearts.
Tethered souls.
Another forceful wave of exhaustion washed over Imogen, and when red peeked through, she clutched Laudna’s hand tighter.
Laudna squeezed back, her slender fingers strong and steady. I’ve got you, she whispered. I’m right here. I’ve got you.
The storm’s been knockin’ on my door for days, Imogen breathed, teeth clenched.
You are not alone. You’re safe.
Laudna’s presence filled Imogen, and her beautiful melody of thoughts eased the panic within her like warm water on achy bones. Sleep called to her, and this time, its siren song bewitched her. It was Laudna’s song, and from somewhere at the back of her mind, her love hummed softly.
Imogen let herself be swept toward sleep, toward a long overdue rest, and as Laudna murmured the tune, her melody chased away the impending storm.
Her body relaxed; all tension that had built up trying to stay awake, melted.
Laudna was at her side, a gentle, steady reminder as her thoughts echoed, I am here. You’re safe. You’re not alone.
Like the clearing of the night sky after a storm, an endless expanse of stars greeted Imogen on the cusp of sleep. Laudna’s beautiful, dark melody was the expanse of space, and her words, carried on a gentle wind, adorned Imogen’s mind like the stars.
Part of Imogen feared the storm’s return, but she simply clung to Laudna.
She was not alone.
She would never face this alone.
I am here, Laudna said. Sleep, darling. I am right here.
Imogen let go—not of Laudna, but her fear—and allowed herself to be carried away by sleep’s outstretched hand toward the dark, starry expanse formed by Laudna’s music.
Tethered hearts. Tethered souls.
Dreamless at last.