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It’s not something Tommy hasn’t seen before.
It’s not something Tommy hasn’t experienced before.
He was in the army, for god’s sake, he is in the fire department. He’s picked up his coworkers from the hospital multiple times; after a call went wrong and his fellow firefighters barely came out alive, landed a lift to their home after a huge disaster that left them shaking for a few days.
So, he knows. He knows it’s in the nature of his line of work.
And yet this time, it feels different.
It feels personal.
As Tommy brings his car from the parking lot to the exit of the hospital so Evan wouldn’t have to walk much while the other man signs his discharge papers and gets out, he feels this strange tightness in his chest that he’s not familiar with.
And it’s safe to say it’s a feeling he’s already not fond of.
It was Eddie who called him while he was on the shift, let him know that Evan was hurt— a not so mild case of smoke inhalation, that they were at the hospital, but overall he was okay and it wasn’t too serious; and between Tommy struggling to get a pass from the chief, gathering his stuff and leaving work, it was already past a few hours.
Thankfully, Evan managed to return to his calls while Tommy was on the road to the hospital— he sounded bad , but Tommy doesn’t want to dwell on it right now because finally he’s out of his seat and walking towards the door, to get Evan, and he knows better than to let the voices inside his head take over rather than seeing the real deal with his own eyes.
Thank god he doesn’t have to wait any longer because just when he gets closer, the glass doors slide open and there he is, the man himself— with his hunched shoulders, disheveled curls, and pale face; Evan, slowly walking towards the exit with Eddie’s supporting hand on his back, steadying him as he stays close by and carries Evan’s duffel bag on his shoulder, caring eyes fixed on his friend’s battered form.
And despite seeing the sight of his boyfriend manages to calm him down, it also does a great job at kicking Tommy’s concern up a notch at the same time, stinging his heart the slightest.
But it’s okay because Evan is here now, next to him, and that means Tommy can finally take good care of him.
“Evan.”
Evan’s head lifts up at the sound of his voice— shiver running down Tommy’s spine when he sees the younger man’s tired face clearly for the first time, but god, does Tommy melt at the way the other man visibly relaxes when his bloodshot eyes meet Tommy’s, as if the weight weighing heavy on his shoulders suddenly fade away, and something funny blooms in Tommy’s chest as Evan gets closer; Tommy can't stop himself from reaching out and wrapping a hand around Evan’s arm when Eddie lets him go, placing a tiny kiss on his temple.
“Hi.” Evan croaks out and, okay. He does sound bad like he did on the phone.
Worse, maybe.
Tommy turns to look at Eddie, and a grateful smile curves up his lips. “Hey, Eddie.”
“Hey, Tommy.” Eddie nods. “So the blood results came out good, no sign of poisoning, no damage to the heart or lungs.”
“Are they sure it’s okay to leave the hospital?” Tommy asks, lifting his brows. “It’s not too soon, is it?”
“I’m okay.” Evan interrupts, the tiniest hints of protest under his voice, and stares at him with a worn down expression. Tommy wants to kiss him better. “Just need some rest.”
Now, Tommy hasn’t experienced Evan’s obstinance first hand— not yet at least, but he can take a guess.
“They gave him the okay.” Eddie says, rubbing a hand down Evan’s back. “Under someone’s strict observation.”
“That would be me.” Tommy answers lightheartedly and flicks a soft glance at Evan, earning a shy smile from the other man.
Another look at his boyfriend, followed by checking his watch, Tommy lets out a sigh and clears his throat.
It’s getting closer to evening, and he notices Evan struggling to hold himself straight each passing second, and honestly Tommy can’t wait to go home and finally be alone with him.
“Okay.” He says, sliding his hand to rest it on the small of Evan’s back. “It’s time we should go.”
“Alright.” Eddie takes the duffel bag off, handing it to Tommy. “There you go.” He says. “I’m heading home, too, but call me if you need anything? Both of you?”
“I will.” Evan says, holding back the half cough trying to force its way out. “Th’nks, Eds.”
“Good night, Eddie.”
Before Eddie leaves, he gives one last pat on Evan’s back, squeezes Tommy’s shoulder and just like that, Tommy and Evan are alone.
Tilting his head to meet Evan’s eyes, Tommy’s eyes glisten with fondness, and he manages a reassuring smile despite the rush of emotions coursing through his veins.
When Evan gives him that barely there, small smile that makes Tommy’s heart skip a beat, Tommy has no option but to pull the other man closer by the waist and let him slump against his chest, nestling his chin on the crook of Evan’s neck. “Come here.”
Letting out a wheezy sigh, Evan closes his eyes and hooks his finger on the loop of Tommy’s jeans, holding loose.
“Are you okay?” Tommy asks into Evan’s shoulder. He smells like fire and smoke and his skin feels warm against Tommy’s, but Tommy is grateful nevertheless.
Now that he gets to embrace the younger man, soak in his presence, Tommy feels relief settling in, but the tension inside him isn’t gone all the way.
Evan gives him a tiny nod, and presses himself deeper against Tommy’s chest. “I— I’m okay, I promise.” He mumbles. “Can we go now? I really wanna get out of here.”
“Okay.” Placing a kiss on top of Evan’s shoulder, Tommy pulls away, quickly but carefully glancing up and down at the other man to see if there’s any injury or anything else the doctors might have missed just in case — there isn’t any, and moves his hand to link his fingers with Evan’s. “Let’s go.” Nodding towards the open lot. “The car isn’t far.”
Tommy throws Evan’s bag onto the back seat while Evan makes himself settled on the passenger seat, then hops in himself, when he makes sure everything is all good, meaning Evan is comfortable, Tommy starts the engine and drives.
Evan dozes off on the way home, his head keeps lolling until eventually he loses the fight and drifts, head now resting against the glass and eyelids fluttering close; quiet wheezes leave his parted lips with each rise and fall of his chest and Tommy locks one eye on his slouched figure throughout the ride. He stays silent, lets the radio fill the car with its low volume, and occasionally brings his hand to rest on the other man’s thigh, stroking his thumb back and forth just because.
Until they make it home, and it’s time to wake Evan up.
Turning the engine off, Tommy turns to his side, fingers combing his boyfriend’s dirty curls away from his forehead, and plants a soft kiss on his temple. “Baby.” Whispering. “Wake up, we’re here.”
Evan’s chest rises and falls on a steady rhythm, face slack, and he keeps sleeping.
And god, he looks fucking adorable that Tommy’s heart twists a little, but it’s time to go inside, so he removes his hand from Evan’s hair to rest it on his thigh, and gives his boyfriend a gentle but firm squeeze. “Evan.”
Tommy watches Evan sleep, starts rubbing his hand up and down his jeans and finally, Evan’s breath hitches in his throat, his eyes flutter, and he startles awake.
His brows knitted, Evan squints his bleary baby blues and glances around as he sluggishly blinks once, twice, a minute of silence, and a sleepy, disoriented sound tears his throat. “Wh— ‘t’s not my loft?”
“We’re at my place.” Tommy quickly assures to soothe the confusion dripping from his boyfriend, another reassuring squeeze on his thigh. “It was closer.”
Just like that, the invisible tension pressing down Evan’s form disappears, and he lets out a sigh as he gives Tommy a barely there nod.
He’s still a little out of it, Tommy can tell this much, and as much as he wants to keep it that way— get Evan inside, put him to bed and make sure he gets some rest, it’s still important that Evan comes to himself enough to have something to eat, drink some water and even take a shower. So while Tommy’s going to be trying to get everything done on his imaginary to-do list, they have to get inside the house and get changed first.
Tommy watches Evan as he closes his eyes, drops his head and pinches the bridge of his nose with a groan, and then once his boyfriend looks more or less awake and lifts his head to stare back at him, the warmest smile curves up Tommy’s lips and he nods at the door. “Let’s go inside.”
Despite Evan’s protests, Tommy convinces him to take a quick shower— he washes Evan’s hair, rubs his scalp as the other man rest his forehead on Tommy’s shoulder, he scrubs the smoke and dirt off of his skin and helps him get into a loose pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. Eating takes a little less time, mainly because Evan doesn’t feel like eating but Tommy brings him to take a few bites anyway, and by the time they finally finish everything— the dishes and all that, his boyfriend looks seconds away from collapsing.
“Ready for bed?” Tommy runs his fingers through Evan’s curls, his heart doing a summersault when the younger man’s eyes flutter at the touch.
He is an affectionate person on a good day, he likes to keep his loved ones close, but for some reason he can’t take his hands off of Evan today.
Slumped on the kitchen chair, Evan shrugs. He looks bone deep tired.
“Not really.” He croaks out, sighing. “Can we watch something instead?”
“You know you should get some rest, right, Evan?” Tommy arches his brow, though there is no bad intention behind his words, just genuine care.
“I— I just—” Evan licks his lips, baby blues looking at Tommy with a puppy stare. Looking at Evan, Tommy sees vulnerability flashing across his face, and he wants to reach out and caress his boyfriend. “I j’s want to spend time with you.”
And who is Tommy to say no to that?
An involuntary smile curves up his lips, heat spreading his cheeks— god, he’s not fifteen, get a grip, Tommy; and he places his fingers under Evan’s chin to tilt his head up, planting a kiss on his lips.
“God.” Tommy breathes out before he leans in for another kiss. “You’re adorable, you know that?”
Evan’s stare softens, and a low chuckle leaves his lips. “I’ve been told.”
They make it to the living room and pick a movie, then sprawl on the couch, Evan plastered against Tommy’s side; and when Tommy throws an arm around the other man’s shoulders, it doesn’t take a split second for Evan to melt into his embrace and rest his head against Tommy’s chest, his weight comforting.
It feels good, having Evan next to him, he fits perfectly, and Tommy’s insides burn with the want to hold him close, feel his presence, a desire impossible to ignore buzzing under his skin.
The feeling only grows bigger when the weight pressed against his side gets heavier, and Tommy tilts his head to see Evan fast asleep, curls tickling the crook of Tommy’s neck, brows furrowed even in sleep and face plastered to Tommy’s collarbone.
The sight warms Tommy’s insides just like that, soothes the bittersweet feeling that Tommy doesn’t know how to describe coursing through his veins, and he can’t stop himself from staring at the sleeping man in his embrace.
He knows Evan is younger, but he looks so youthful, so vulnerable, Tommy has to lean in to place a barely there kiss on his forehead.
Evan’s skin feels slightly warm under his lips— not hot enough to alarm Tommy but it’s still warm ; it’s probably the remnants of the fire, so for now, Tommy brushes the worry aside, and rests his chin on top of Evan’s head. His fingers slowly trail up and down the other man’s bicep, drawing nonsense, and Tommy listens to the steady rise and fall of Evan’s chest as he continues to watch the movie.
A while later, Evan shifts under his hold, a restless sound vibrating his throat.
Keeping his arm around Evan but disentangling himself just enough to see him clearly, Tommy’s face falls in a frown; he rests the back of his hand on Evan’s forehead, and that’s when Tommy’s brows gather, when his boyfriend’s skin touches his and it feels… warmer.
“You’re warm.” Tommy tsks, sliding his hand down to cup Evan’s cheek. “Are you feeling okay?”
His eyes closed, Evan drags his head up and nestles his face deeper into the hollow of Tommy’s neck, and lets out a distraught mumble. “ M’kay.”
“Are you sure?”
“Tommy.” Evan mumbles again, lips pouting. “ ‘m fine.”
He feels like he’s interrupting Evan’s rest— seeing how the other man refusing to wake up, Tommy feels like maybe he’s overreacting, Evan would tell him if something was wrong, if he was feeling bad, and his boyfriend looks like he really, really needs some sleep, so Tommy stares at Evan, looks at the way he’s curled against his side, and it’s not in him to be the reason for his discomfort if he ends up waking Evan up.
It’s just the fire, Tommy reminds himself, it’s normal.
It’s hard— he hasn’t felt this way for someone in a long time, the worry strong enough to override that rational part of his brain, but in the end Tommy lets out a sigh, his expression bordering on concern, and lies back against the cushions, tightening his hold around Evan as the other man sleeps.
Until Evan stirs again, this time his eyes slowly fluttering open as his brows knit and lips twist down in queasiness.
When Evan’s lashes drag against Tommy’s neck, followed by a low groan punched out from Evan’s chest, Tommy’s senses switch up just like that. He straightens himself up and turns to Evan, arms loose but still holding the other man.
“Evan?”
The sour expression on Evan’s face deepens as he pulls away and drops his head, jaw clenched tight; he shuts his eyes close and swallows as another whimper tries to make its way out of him.
“Evan.” Tommy places a hand on his shoulder, scooting closer. “Hey, what’s going on?”
“Fuck.” Another groan, Evan hunching forward and burying his face between his hands; before Tommy can understand what’s going on, Evan springs to his feet, rushes to the bathroom and the door gets shut with a loud thud.
The next thing Tommy hears is the painful sound of Evan throwing his guts up behind the door.
Fuck. Okay.
The tightness in Tommy’s chest makes itself more evident, a ghost hand squeezing his ribs; the retching sounds become louder and more heartbreaking as Tommy is gets up and makes his way towards the bathroom but his heart breaks all over again when he pushes the door open and sees Evan like that.
Next to the toilet, Evan is dropped on his knees, fingers gripping the sides of the porcelain with all the strength they have left, throwing up everything he had today— which wasn’t a lot to begin with.
But what gets to Tommy is that the other man looks so in pain— his battered form shaking and veins popping on his neck as he clenches his eyes shut and keeps retching, it’s probably the first time Tommy has seen Evan like this, and it fucking hurts , he doesn’t want to see him in agony ever again.
Kneeling next to Evan, Tommy rests his hand on his back, and starts rubbing soothing circles. “It’s okay, let it out.” Voice steady despite the worry sitting heavy on his throat. “You’re okay, baby, let it out.”
He slides his hand up to the nape of Evan’s neck, scratches his short, fuzzy hair, and his face falls in a sad grimace as Evan keeps emptying his stomach until there’s nothing but bile coming out.
After Evan spits the last of it into the porcelain bowl, letting Tommy know it’s over, a shaky whimper tears the younger man’s throat and he slumps forward, barely holding himself up by the hands resting on the toilet as he gasps out short wheezes.
“Hey.” Brushing Evan’s damp curls away from his forehead, a wave of emotions runs over Tommy when the other man’s eyes flutter close and he leans into the touch, tears slowly rolling down his flushed skin.
And he just can’t take it. With a troubled sigh, Tommy wraps an arm around Evan’s waist and pulls him close, letting Evan collapse straight into his chest.
“Come here.”
He tucks Evan’s face under his chin and runs a hand up and down Evan’s arm, trying his best to stop his shakes.Evan chokes out another groan between his wheezes, trembling fingers loosely holding the hem of Tommy’s shirt, and when Tommy slides his free hand under Evan’s shirt, the frown on his face deepens as he feels his boyfriend’s hot, tense muscles beneath his fingertips.
“God, Evan.” Tommy mumbles, planting a kiss on the top of his head. “You’re burning up.”
Evan’s skin feels hot— too hot, and tiny trembles run through his form and his half lidded baby blues aren’t even focused and— god, tears stream down his face and dampen Tommy’s neck and he looks so damn small , Tommy has to keep him close. He has to keep him safe.
He pulls away just a little to reach for the toilet paper, gathering a roll around his hand, and gently wipes Evan’s forehead, his eyes, his cheeks, and his lips, shushing him when Evan lets out the tiniest sound.
“You’re okay, baby.”
Evan’s breath hitches in his throat once again, and he leans forward to hide his face in Tommy’s chest as a cough builds its way up his throat, shoulders shaking.
“ ‘m s’rry.”
“Hey— no.” Tommy pulls him even closer, Evan’s limbs pliant under his embrace. “We’re not doing that.” Another kiss on Evan’s shoulder, Tommy turns his head to glance at the door, and back at Evan.
They have to get up soon, and Evan has to get rest in a real bed rather than these cold tiles.
Pushing himself up on his feet, Tommy keeps his arms secured around Evan as he nudges him up. “Come on.” He says. “Time for bed.”
It’s doesn’t take too much strength for Tommy to settle Evan in bed giving how weak his boyfriend is right now, he helps him get comfortable on the mattress, fluffs up the pillows, and drapes a thin blanket over him before he goes back to the kitchen to get a glass of water, a bottle of fever reducers, a bowl full of water and a washcloth.
When he comes back, he finds Evan how he left him. Half awake with his back resting against the pillows, eyes staring blank at the ceiling above as his chest rises and falls with an unsteady rhythm, face twisted and shivers wracking his form from head to toe.
A sad smile curves up Tommy’s lips, and he makes his way towards the bed.
“There we go.” Placing the tray on the nightstand and sitting next to Evan. He pops out two pills from the bottle, and turns to look at his boyfriend, a sweet look on his face. “My name is Doctor Kinard, and I’m here to make you all better.”
Evan’s eyes slowly meet his, a fond look on his face, and a weak, breathy chuckle vibrates his throat only to be interrupted by the quivering of his lips, and tears dwelling in his glassy baby blues.
“Evan.” Tommy’s eyes widen, mouth slightly parted, and he swears he can hear his heart shattering into millions of pieces. “Baby.”
He cups Evan’s face with his free hand, thumb stroking his cheekbone, and leans in to place a featherlight kiss on Evan’s forehead, closing his eyes.
It does something to Tommy, the way Evan stares at him, so vulnerable and fragile , penetrates right into his soul, and Tommy doesn’t know if he’e strong enough to not break into sobs right there, his insides swelling with an emotion Tommy can’t name.
He pulls away, only to plant another kiss on Evan’s lips, soft but short, and then hands the pills to his boyfriend, grabbing the glass afterwards. “Here, drink this.”
He watches Evan take the pills, then hands him the glass, but Evan’s hand trembles so much that Tommy puts his own hand on top of his boyfriend’s to steady him, and slowly brings the cup to his lips. “Easy, easy.”
After few sips when Tommy is satisfied that Evan’s hydrated enough, he puts the glass back on the nightstand, and patiently waits as the other man slides down the mattress to lie on his back and rests his head on the pillow with a half whimper, staring at Tommy with half open, unfocused eyes.
Eyes glistening with care, Tommy runs his hand through Evan’s curls, the tip of his fingers scratching his scalp, and watches him relax under his touch. He’s willing to break Evan’s fever, but first he wants to make sure Evan is calm and comfortable.
“How are you feeling?” Tommy whispers as he keeps stroking Evan’s hair.
Evan’s brows gather, eyes fluttering close before opening again, and he can only croak out between his raspy breaths: “N’t good.”
Not that Tommy was expecting anything else, but it doesn’t mean it hurts less.
“I know, baby.” Tommy leans forward to kiss Evan’s birthmark.
He places the back of his hand against Evan’s cheek, then slides it down to rest on the part of his neck where it meets his shoulder. Evan still feels too warm, his flushed skin damp and burning, and now that Evan is somewhat comfortable, Tommy can work on that.
Picking up the cloth, Tommy puts it in the water, letting it soak, and squeezes before gently placing the fabric over Evan’s forehead, pressing.
The other man’s breath hitches in his throat as his face screws slightly, brows gathering and lips twisting down; a loud mewl tears his throat and the rise and fall of his chest picks up its pace, his form flinching as his eyes open wide.
“Does it hurt?” Tommy asks worriedly.
Evan’s voice shakes as he manages: “ ‘s— ‘s cold.”
The tightness on Tommy’s chest feels heavier at the words, at how fragile his boyfriend looks, but he has to ignore the urge to throw everything that’s hurting Evan aside, this damn cold water in this case, and wrap his arms around the man instead.
His eyes soften as he looks at Evan, and brings his hand to caress the other man’s cheek.
“I know.” He says, tone apologizing. “But we gotta bring your fever down, okay?” He takes the cloth off of Evan’s forehead only to soak it in the bowl again, and says: “Close your eyes, baby.”
Evan doesn’t protest, too tired to fight back, his eyes flutter close, and once Tommy makes sure Evan’s breathing is back to normal, he places the cloth back on the other man’s face, and gently rubs it over his forehead, eyes, cheekbones and lips.
He takes his time with the process, watches Evan drift off as he soaks it in one more time and drags the fabric along his hairline, but when he finally reaches Evan’s neck, his boyfriend startles once again and his eyes open halfway, his whole body tensing up in a matter of seconds despite being a little out of it, baby blues unfocused.
“Shh.” Tommy shushes him, planting a kiss on his curls but not pulling the cloth away. “It’s okay.”
Thankfully, Evan’s eyes slowly close, he sags into the mattress, his breathing slows down, and Tommy keeps going.
Tommy only stops when Evan’s fever breaks a while later.
His boyfriend seems to be sound asleep, face slack and quiet wheezes leaving his parted lips; Tommy rests the back of his hand against Evan’s cheek, sliding it down to rest on the side of his neck, and he lets out a deep breath when the other man’s skin feels cool under his touch, a weight squeezing his chest suddenly feels much lighter.
Now that he’s done, Tommy puts the cloth back in the bowl and wipes his hand on his sweatpants, and when he slowly gets on his feet, a hand loosely wrapped around his wrist gets his attention, and Tommy turns his head to see it’s Evan, barely awake, staring at him.
“What’s wrong, Evan?”
Now that he got Tommy’s eyes on him, Evan closes his eyes, weakly tugs him closer— or at least tries to, and mumbles: “C’me to bed.”
And— god, Tommy’s heart bursts just like that.
Who is Tommy to say no to that?
A fond smile finds his lips, eyes crinkling, Tommy holds Evan’s hand and places a kiss on top. “Give me a second.”
He eyes the bowl for a hot minute— screw it, he’ll tidy up the place tomorrow morning when Evan feels better, and walks his way around the bed, and climbs under the covers.
Just as his head hits the pillow, Evan rolls over to face him, scoots closer, and buries himself against Tommy, melting into his embrace.
It’s like a second nature to Tommy for some reason, his hands and legs move before his brain can think; he tucks Evan’s face under his chin, legs sliding between the other man’s, and it feels so good, so right, Evan’s weight in his arms, Evan’s steady breath brushing over his skin, the smell of Evan’s curls under his nose, Evan’s arm draped over his torso, everything wrap him up as a whole and Tommy feels good .
He feels good.
And the rest, he can deal in the morning.
So that’s why Tommy slides one hand under Evan’s shirt, pulls him close, puts a tiny kiss on Evan’s shoulder, and closes his eyes.