Work Text:
Winter of 1943 was chaotic, half the people didn't know what the fuck snow was.
Those people were hilariously afraid of the snow at first.
Because they have never seen it before, but after some guidance and a pep talk from Stormy they were converted from being afraid to excited about snow.
So Hambone prepared for the next winter, he wrote in his fabulous handwriting a little booklet.
And for the entire year he kept it buried in his footlocker, until the first snowfall.
Then he purposely left it in the mess so everyone could read.
So lets go through it shall we.
Number one: It's just snow breathe, it can't hurt you.
Number two: If you have no idea what the fuck snow is, what the fuck is wrong with you for one? And two go talk to Stormy, he'll explain it to you.
Number three: Don't lay face down in the snow, you'll give Kidd and Harding a heartattack.
Number four: Buck and Bucky stop fucking in the snow, that is mine and Douglasss thing.
Number five: Snowballs are to stay outside, Red got upset last year when we pelted him.
Number six: Make your snowmen as creepy as possible, it freaks Kidd out.
Number seven: Jeep Ice Hockey is prohibited, but I give permission just make sure the lake is very very frozen before driving a Jeep onto the ice.
Number eight: Pilots are not allowed to drive in Jeep Ice Hockey, except Bucky he knows how to drive on ice very well.
Number nine: Dickie and Curt are hosting the secret Santa if you celebrate Christmas, if you get Douglass please trade with me. I already got him a present.
Number ten: We don't have a Christmas tree, we have an all inclusive tree, just please nobody set it on fire this year.
Number eleven: Helen makes the best hot chocolate, be patient with her it's worth it.
Number twelve: DeMarco and Brady are hosting the Meatball hunt, it's where you give them something your watch, your dog tags, anything really. They bury it in the snow, and then Meatball go finds it, it's absolutely hilarious to watch in deep snow.
Number thirteen: Bubbles will make sure your good and layered, so if your not sure go see Bubbles.
Number fourteen: Whatever you do don't touch Buckys sheepskin, trust me.
Number fifteen: Smokey makes the best chicken noodle soup ever, like you'll kill someone for it but please don't.
Number sixteen: Crosby is a giant bumbling klutz, so someone please keep an eye on him. Because he'll slip and die at least a hundred times this winter.
Number seventeen: If your gonna slip, just be a man and slip, don't take anyone else down with you.
Number eighteen: Quinn for the love of everything holy, stop making the pathways wet with Babyface, so they ice over its not funny to watch your friends fall on their ass.
Number nineteen: Rosie does book readings in the library twice a week, believe me you want to be there.
Number twenty: Don't eat any different colored snow, because Smokey will laugh at you and ask how old are you.
Number twenty one: We include Ken and Winks in everything, don't leave them out because they keep us in the air. It's pretty easy to just forget a part, and we die. So include them in everything.
Number twenty two: Curt and Dickie make the best snow forts, you can't beat them.
Number twenty three: Snowball fights get violent, so fair warning. Blakely almost killed someone last year.
Number twenty four: We aren't allowed to fly in heavy snowfall, mostly after the incident involving Buck and Bucky, and a historically old tree.
Number twenty five: Puppy piles are mandatory this time of year, if you don't want to take part. Then go freeze your ass off, don't go complaining to Harding or Kidd. They'll just laugh in your face.
Number twenty six: Baking is mandatory, don't listen to the people in the mess, make cookies. I need cookies.
Number twenty seven: I can leave out milk and cookies for Santa, I know he's not real. But Babyface doesn't and a few others.
Number twenty eight: We are well aware that Babyface thinks Santa is real, it's cute okay. Please please nobody tell him the truth.
Number thirty: Bucky I don't know where you got reindeer last year, but please bring them back this year.
Number thirty one: Meatball will be dressed like Rudolph the red nose reindeer, don't even question it.
Number thirty two: Don't be afraid of the glowing red light in the dark, thats just most likely Meatball wandering around.