Chapter Text
The searing pain stabbed into Finn’s heart and he opened his mouth to scream, but no sound came out. He strained against the leather restraints keeping him tied to the medical chair and tossed his head from side to side. A blinding white light hovered over his face, it was all he could see apart from the occasional glimpse of a figure silhouetted before the artificial brightness.
The smell of his own burning skin assaulted Finn’s nostrils and he slammed his head back against the padded headrest with a thump. He was shaking his head, pleading silently, eyes streaming with tears. No, no, no, please no. I didn’t even see it! I don’t even know who it is! Something deep inside was being torn to pieces. He felt like he was being dragged down into a bottomless black pit, he was clawing desperately at the sides but he was powerless. Down, down into darkness, into misery and hopelessness.
Finn gasped as the white hot heat was removed and he stared down at the burnt mess of the skin over his heart. Gone, it was gone forever, taken from him. He would never find his soulmate, he’d never even know their name. He opened his mouth again and this time his scream was loud and agonising. His visions blurred with tears.
“FN-2187, calm yourself!” The voice ordered him furiously but he barely heard the command. He thrashed and bucked against the restrains, his muscles straining and hands balling into fists.
“Enough, FN-2187!” He was struck hard across the face, his head snapped to one side.
“Finn!”
“FN-2187!”
“FINN!”
He bolted upright, gasping for air, sweating glistening on his dark skin. Poe was pressed against him, eyes wide and anxious. Finn shuddered and drew his legs up close to his chest beneath the blanket. He buried his face against his knees and tried to regain control of his breathing. It was not the first time this memory had awoken him in the middle of the night, nor would it be the last. Poe knew not to press Finn about the nightmare, it would only take longer for the pain to pass. Instead, the pilot moved till he sat behind Finn and the younger man was resting between his legs.
“It’s alright, Finn,” he assured him, wrapping his arms around him and pulling Finn back against his body.
“Poe,” Finn gasped, turning around in the pilot’s arms so he could press his face into the other’s neck.
Kissing Finn’s forehead, Poe stroked his arm gently and hugged him close. “I’m here, I’ve got you.”
Finn sat where he was, silent, listening to the steady beat of Poe's heart. His mouth felt dry and his scar was burning dully, almost itching.
"They burned it off,” he whispered, his voice sounding far away, “I never got to see it…”
“That’s not important, Finn,” Poe told him, not for the first time, “It doesn’t matter, we found each other anyway.”
Finn sniffed loudly and Poe gently took hold of Finn’s chin and tilted his head up. He lowered his head and kissed Finn deeply, hoping to assure him of his words. Finn pulled away and Poe watched him worriedly. How can I help him? The pilot thought, sadness and a feeling of powerlessness tying his stomach into knots.
“You are my soulmate, Finn,” Poe told him, softly placing his palm over the scarred skin on the ex-Stormtrooper’s chest, “I don’t need a mark on your skin to tell me that. I love you.”
Finn’s eyes swam with tears and he looked down at the pilot’s hand over his heart, “But I do, Poe. I know you love me, and I love you, till the day I die and after, but…”
“But, what?” Poe rubbed his thumb over the scarred skin, making Finn shiver.
“But, sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough for you, you’re so good, Poe, and I’m-”
“-I don’t care about your past, Finn,” Poe interrupted, “And I’m not perfect, believe me.”
“I just wish they hadn’t taken my mark from me,” Finn whispered, pulling out of Poe’s arms and lying down on the mattress, “I guess, I just want to have that...”
“Proof?”
Finn looked at Poe, shaking his head, “No, I didn’t mean it like that, I…I don’t know how to describe it, Poe. I just feel…incomplete.”
Poe laid down never to Finn on his side, prompt up on his elbow. His dark hair was tousled and there was a dusting of stubble on his handsome face. Finn found himself staring, transfixed by the pilot’s beauty. He loved him so much it hurt, there was a physical ache in his chest. How can I deserve you?
His breath caught in his throat as Poe leaned over him then down and skimmed his lips against his scar. His hand came up and he threaded his fingers into Poe’s hair. Poe kissed the scar lovingly and a whimper escaped him, “Please.”
Poe stopped and Finn tightened his grip on his hair, “Please, Poe, don’t.”
The pilot sat up and Finn’s hand dropped to the mattress. Panic shot through Finn and he was suddenly terrified, “I’m sorry, Poe, I didn’t mean –“ He broke off as the Resistance fighter got out of their bed. He watched the toned muscles of Poe’s back as he walked over to a draw and pulled it open. From the bed, Finn couldn’t see what Poe took from the draw and when the man turned back around, he held whatever it was behind his back.
“Close your eyes,” Poe told Finn, his voice perhaps the most serious the ex-Stormtrooper had ever heard it. His heart pounding loudly in his ears as he did as Poe said and waited.
Returning to Finn, Poe knelt on the mattress and pull the lid off the black pen. “Don’t move, Finn, and keep your eyes closed till I tell you.” Finn nodded and Poe couldn’t help put give him a chaste kiss to try and stop him from trembling.
Finn jumped when he felt something touch his scar. He almost opened his eyes but resisted at the last moment. Holding his breath, he concentrated on the sensation, trying to guess what it was but unable to. Poe leant back to examine his handiwork. Satisfied, he put a hand on the side of Finn’s face and guided him in for a tender kiss.
“Open your eyes,” he breathed against the younger’s lips, pulling back. Finn looked down and froze at what he saw. ‘Poe Dameron’ – the name was written over his scar, in the exact place where it should be, where everyone else’s soulmate marks were. He opened his mouth but was lost for words. With trembling fingers, he touched the name.
“Careful,” Poe warned him with a soft chuckle, sounding more like himself again, “It may smudge.”
Finn tore his eyes from the ink on his chest – it was such a simple thing in itself - to meet Poe’s eyes, “Y-you…”
“They might have taken your mark from you, Finn,” Poe said, his thumb tracing Finn’s cheek, “but you can always get it back. And if you need me to write my name on your skin for every day for the rest of our lives, then that’s what I’ll do.”
“Poe, I…” Finn couldn’t finish, he was so overwhelmed he could do nothing but stare at the impossible, incredible man knelling on the bed in front of him. “Thank you.”
The familiar smile spread like sunshine across the pilot’s face, “You’re welcome, Finn.”
They met halfway and kissed deeply, ending with their foreheads pressed together and breathing heavily against one another’s lips.