Archive of Our Own

Morning trips to the market were starting to become a favorite of Stede’s. Maybe it was the lively atmosphere, bustling with so many different sights, sounds, and smells. Maybe it was the vast array of beauties and treasures, painting the little beach town with colors and sparkles and finery alike. Or maybe, just maybe, it was the fact that he could find something good for Ed, drawing out bright smiles and numerous kisses whenever he returned home.

Alright, probably the latter; it gave him the necessary push to show his face, to venture off alone in search of lovely little surprises. He could find new teas and be able to brew Ed a wonderful little cuppa for when he awoke. He could find exquisite jewelry and be able to compliment Ed’s beauty that much more. He could find delectable treats and be able to fondly laugh at the sheer strength of Ed’s sweet tooth.

The possibilities were endless, really. It wasn’t an if he was going to find something for Ed, it was when. It mattered not that the money from the inn was probably better suited for repairs, or food, or other more practical supplies. No—all that mattered was Ed’s smile, Ed’s happiness, and Stede would give the world for that.

Just as he had given a piece of his own.

And it was nice to have done so. It was simple, peaceful, and warm. Piracy provided adventure and travel and a chance to prove himself, yes, but it didn’t provide such stability, or safety, or such sweet domestic nothings. There were also far less chances to encounter harm, both physical and emotional, what with so many threats lifted off the table. Life was no longer hectic, or dangerous, or painful.

Life was just…beautiful instead. Life was easy. And life was filled with love, so, so much love.

Stede smiled to himself then, meandering his way through the various aisles and scanning through all that was on display. He just needed something good to further that love, something good to showcase it. Plenty of drying meat and fruit…No, that wasn’t quite it. A lot of exquisite bits of furniture and antiques…Well, yes, that was always needed for their space, but he could do better. Some various assorted fish on large racks…His darling fisherman could do better.

He fondly snickered at the thought and continued walking, only to finally have his eye captured by a particular display.

Now, that was more like it: flowers. So many wondrous flowers. It was something of a meadow on the market stand before him, absolutely overflowing with vibrancy, sweetness, and beauty.

Absolutely perfect for the man in his life who did the same.

Stede’s gentle smile easily grew into a delighted grin, and he trotted up, eager as ever.

“Good morning,” he just barely managed to get out before the excitement took over. “My word, would you look at all of these! These are just exquisite! I didn’t even know some of these were even in bloom right now. What do we even have here—some Lantana Bahamensis, yes. Ooh, and some Turnera Ulmifolia—lovely. Oh, and one can’t forget the Bougainvillea of course.”

It was like a tapestry of flora really, so many different shades of oranges, yellows, and pinks. He entertained the idea of making a bouquet, of bringing home the equivalent to nature’s firework—a representation of how Ed made him feel on a daily basis. But any and all thoughts melted away when he laid his eyes upon…

“Lignum Vitae and Jacaranda Caerulea?!”

Two absolutely magnificent flowers. Two absolutely magnificent, purple flowers. Two absolutely magnificent, purple flowers, almost as gorgeous and breathtaking and wondrous as his flower. Almost.

Yet they were certainly fitting, what with hues that reminded Stede so much of blossoming love, of beautiful beginnings. Of fuckeries, of treasure hunts, of celebrations…

“Oh, they’re perfect,” he breathed, delicately tracing some of the petals with a finger. “Looking for something to surprise my beloved with, you see, and these just so happen to be his favorite color. They bring a lot of lovely memories back, too. Quite the win-win, I’d say! So I hope they’ll be a real treat for him. I mean, hopefully!”

He was so caught up in his own little world, so lost in the excitement and future affections. He was talking to someone, maybe, but also no one in particular, simply chattering on and on because he could—because he could! No expectations, no threats, horrendous pressure. Just himself, and his darling Edward, and their lovely little life—

“You’re with Blackbeard, aren’t you.”

…And just a simple something that could absolutely shatter it all.

He almost didn’t hear it at first—the low murmur from the individual manning the stand. It was such a hard turn, such a strong right hook, that his happily buzzing brain struggled to process it. But once the question settled, once it burrowed into his skull and sank its teeth into the softness there…

His blood ran utterly cold.

“…Beg your pardon?” he asked, his voice markedly different than before no matter how hard he tried to keep it consistent.

“You’re with Blackbeard,” the vendor said again. “Like, dating and shit?”

On paper, it wasn’t a bad question. Anywhere else, anytime else, it wouldn’t have been a bad question. But with that life cut out of them, with that name dead…

It was threatening as all get out. It was a harsh serving of reality that Stede hadn’t been prepared to consume. He choked on it, the taste absolutely acrid in his mouth. Still, did he try his best to swallow it down, to shrug it off as though it were nothing.

“H-huh, what? N-no! No no no. You’ve got it all wrong. I am dating someone, yes, but his name is Jeff. We run an inn together.”

The vendor’s eyes narrowed and Stede’s heart hammered.

“Right,” they deadpanned.

“Jeff’s Inn by the Sea?” he continued, using every ounce of control to maintain an even, strong tone. “You’ve never heard of it? Look us up sometime! Bound to be a parchment about us around here somewhere I’m sure. We’ve had many patrons walk out the door yelling about how they’d leave us the longest review!”

Still, they seemed unconvinced, leaning back and crossing their arms with a cock to their brow.

“You sure you’re not Stede Bonnet, then?”

Suddenly, it was like he wasn’t at the market anymore. Suddenly, it was like he wasn’t cemented in their happy, carefree little life.

It was like he was in the gloom of his own quarters, getting interrogated by none other than Chauncey Badminton.

It was like he was on a barrel in front of his crew, whimpering against the noose tightening around his neck.

It was like he was right back in the thick of things, of all they had tried to escape, of all he had tried to escape.

And Stede Bonnet wanted nothing more than to be away from it all, tucked back in his little bubble with his beloved.

But because he was back in it, he did what he had to do—he fought. He employed brevity and wit. He tried so very hard to hide behind the shield of fuckery, even as negative emotions shook him to his core.

“Positively!” he said, pushing himself to get that little chirp back in his voice. “He died in Barbados, last I heard.”

“Yeah, well, last I heard, he murdered Ned Low and then ran off with Blackbeard.”

It was very much like a noose around his neck, tightening, tightening, tightening.

Or like a knife held up right beneath his nose.

Or a shotgun pointed directly at his heart.

And for what? For what? Just picking a fight? Selling him out to the British? Selling them both out?

He was ill-equipped, caught unawares, made to feel naive—stupid, even. How could he have been so careless and stupid, his brain began to hiss. Why was he always such a damn fool.

He had no sword nor pistol. He had no way of defending himself. He didn’t have the crucial pieces of piracy because he wasn’t a pirate anymore. Only his tongue could serve as his blade.

“Well, didn’t you hear about the attack on the Republic of Pirates?” Stede asked, reaching to pick out flowers as though it was just a casual conversation. “Wouldn’t be surprised if their tale was cut short then. It was quite the calamity—I mean, so I’ve heard.”

“Yeah. Sounds like something that would drive two pirates into hiding.”

Stede gritted his teeth. Every strike he dealt was deflected. Every move he made was met perfectly. Part of him almost wanted to bellow, to whip out the Captain Voice and demand for the nonsense to cease. But then the ruse would officially be up, and the danger would only intensify, and the once-perfect little morning would rot that much more—

“Oh, piss off, Maria. So fuckin’ hellbent on stirring shit up. This is why we can’t get customers worth a damn!” snapped another vendor.

“Oh, really? It’s not because we’re selling fucking flowers, of all fucking things?”

“No! This guy was plenty interested before all your petty drama bullshit got in the way!”

“You don’t know shit, Martha. He could be worth more coin than any of this.”

Ah. There it was. Stede swallowed tautly.

“Neither do you! He could give us coin if you’d just shut the fuck up!” Martha snapped, before looking to Stede with what seemed to be sympathetic eyes. “Sorry about that, mate. Don’t know what she was on about, honestly.”

Yet Stede had never been so grateful for an abrasive interruption in his entire life. He couldn’t help but let out a long, cleansing breath, and the smile he had been forcing came a little easier.

“Quite alright,” he said. “I mean, I’ve been told we share a bit of resemblance, but I just don’t see it.”

“Yeah, for real!” Martha said before turning to her counterpart and gesturing back towards him. “Like, you really think he’d be with Blackbeard?”

Stede’s smile fell as fast as it had re-appeared and his heart stuttered something fierce.

“H-hey, I’m sure I could be, if I wanted to.”

“Oh, come on, mate,” Martha laughed. “Don’t think anyone here could be, let alone an innkeeper. I reckon Blackbeard’s partner would need to be as rough and tough as he.”

Stede stiffened, his nostrils flaring to boot. Words appeared on the blade that was his tongue, sharper than they previously had been.

Well, maybe you don’t know a damn thing about him, or what he wants. No one does. Everyone thinks they do. But no one does. So there.

And maybe you don’t know a damn thing about Stede Bonnet either. He’s tough. Yeah. Plenty tough.

But all he actually managed was a clench of his jaw.

“Dunno,” Maria said, narrowing her eyes again. “You seem to be striking a nerve.”

“Aw, what? That’s not—hey, sorry, nothing wrong with being an innkeeper, man! You’re just, well, flowery, y’know? Seems like you wouldn’t harm a fly! A big ol’ softie type thing.” Martha turned back to her fellow vendor. “Like, you really think he killed Ned Low? Come on now!”

Maria rolled her eyes, and Stede burned with unshed emotion.

God, it really was like he was a pirate all over again; minding his business on a prefect day, only to get unexpectedly jumped from numerous directions. Whereas before it had felt like a knife to his throat or a noose around his neck, those comments felt like a harsh flog to the back or a sword in his gut.

Hell, it was worse than the chaotic twists and turns piracy brought, because it was like…

It was like both of his old lives intersecting and crushing him right in the middle.

At his lovely little market.

On a sunny, simple day.

Over flowers.

How?

When he inhaled to reply, his breath shivered. He suddenly felt small, all too small. He suddenly felt…wrong. He suddenly felt something he hadn’t felt in months, but something he had also experienced time and time and time again…

He wanted to go home. He wanted nothing more than to go home. He almost wanted to force a tight smile and croak out his pleasantries before running away but…

But Ed…

He still needed something for Ed. Yet even that felt poisoned by the interactions, his brain beginning to snarl that it wasn’t enough, that…that he wasn’t…

“See, look—you killed the whole fuckin’ vibe and cost us a sale,” Maria hissed.

“Oh, I did? You were the one slinging bullshit!” Martha snapped back.

“It’s not bullshit!”

“Oh, it’s not? You’re going to tell me I’m wrong?”

And as the pair got into it, as the two sides of his past lives clashed, Stede decided to pull one last bit of piracy. Because he had been a pirate. He had been tough—was tough. So he took advantage of the distraction, slipped a few flowers for himself, and ran.

Ran from the phantoms of pain.

Ran from the market.

Ran.

Just as he always had whenever things got to be too much.

Just as he always had…

Said-run quickly slowed into a walk, everything suddenly feeling far too leaden, far too weighed down. The feeling of wrongness intensified and then some. The sensation of thick discomfort worsened in his chest and sinuses. And the flowers suddenly felt toxic in his hands, like they stung his skin to hold.

He just barely managed to swallow around the growing lump in his throat, his free hand wringing and clenching as he stumbled on. Instinct carried him home—his heart carried him home, aching so, so terribly for his beloved’s touch and kiss.

But his brain…

It was like something in his brain had been unleashed, like something horrible had been locked in a cage and then released again. Or maybe it had never really been cooped up at all; just hidden for a while, waiting for an opportune time to strike once again.

And strike it did.

It very firmly told him that there was a point to everything he had just endured, that all of it was…correct. That he was weak. That he had never been a good pirate. That he had never been a good…anything.

That he wasn’t enough. That he had never been enough. And that he certainly wasn’t enough for the one so dear to him.

It began to replay things, too, just for additional fucking measure, it seemed. Aside from its insistence, he began to hear the insistence from others as well.

A weak-hearted, soft-handed, lily-livered rich boy. That’s all you’ll ever be, Stede Bonnet.

You were so fat, and soft, and weak. You were a plumper. And you cried all the time. And liked to pick flowers.

You’re a monster. A plague. You defile beautiful things.

You’re the worst kind. A mediocre man who thinks he’s exceptional.

Pathetic.

It was so much. God, Christ, it was so much.

So, by the time he glumly approached the stairs that led to the front porch of the inn, he found himself unable to climb them. He found himself unable to do much of anything. His emotions were high, too high. He was angry, and sad, and frustrated, and anxious, and…

And had eyes welling up with tears to boot.

God. No. No no no. No one could see him cry. Especially not after all that, after scars had been sliced back open into fresh wounds.

Especially not when so many told him it was wrong.

Still, he had a moment of looking upward through the glassy sheen, aching so terribly for his sweetheart who he knew was just inside. But his stupid fucking brain…

You’d be inconveniencing him. You’d be too much.

And perhaps worst of all: he deserves better.

That one, his brain hadn’t uttered in a long time. It was something he didn’t really believe—not after all they had both gone through together, and had both grown from.

…And yet.

It intruded just like the rest. It sank its fangs right into his soft vulnerability. It decayed everything that much more.

He couldn’t go inside the inn then. He just couldn’t. All the same, he couldn’t run away. Even with the maelstrom within, that was absolutely out of the fucking question. So he went with the next best thing: tucking himself away. Staying near, staying close, but isolating himself. The woods were a bit too far. The beach was a bit too open. The side of the inn was a bit too obvious. So he found himself stumbling down their little dirt path, poised to hide away amidst maintained shrubs and bountiful fruit.

It felt ironic that he’d go to their garden of all places, what with being surrounded by all he had just been mocked for. But as he slid down to the ground, as he safely deposited the flowers behind him, and as he brought his knees up to his chest, there was something of an odd comfort in it all.

Like a kiss from his beloved when he couldn’t get one.

The tears surged up that much more. He tried to fight them, just as he always had. He tried to shove back like he had earlier. But, just as everything else from the morning, it was too much, and he was not enough.

He was not fucking enough.

He curled into a tight, little, unassuming ball, and that really did him no favors; he felt like a child again. A child who had just received nothing but scorn, disapproval, and even physical contempt.

And so, just as then, did the tears begin to silently flow.

Silently, yes. Especially silently. It was bad enough that he was crying already—he’d be damned to hiccup or moan in emotional pain or anything of the sort. He didn’t need anyone finding him either, particularly not when he was in such a state. No—he just needed to sit alone and let things flow, like a miserable spicket with a finite amount of water. If he got everything out, if he wrung himself entirely dry like a towel, then he could think about trudging back to the inn. Only then could he show his face around—

“Babe? Did I see you running around out there?”

A distant call. A beautiful one. And a voice that both warmed and cracked his heart.

Ed.

His Ed.

His Ed who would see him all pathetic and weak.

A pitiful sob did manage to escape Stede’s mouth then.

He tucked himself tighter, squeezing his legs and balling up that much more. He knew it would be for naught. He knew it wouldn’t take much for his brilliant tactician to find him. Their souls practically called to one another’s after all, like a lighthouse flashing to a ship in a storm. It was only a matter of time, really, before he’d have to face the music.

Especially as those footsteps and that voice got closer.

“Stede? Darling? Could’ve sworn I saw—“

An abrupt cutoff, and Stede winced. He heard Ed lurch forward, and his heart did the same.

“Stede—“

“I’m fine,” he choked out, reflexive yet feeble.

“You don’t seem fine.” Ed was by his side in seconds, his voice both breathy and tight. “Shit, babe, what happened? Someone hurt you?”

Stede’s lip wobbled.

“…No,” he said, even more pitiful than before.

And clearly, that wasn’t convincing in the slightest; Ed’s hand was upon him in an instant, gentle yet insistent. Stede felt it slowly traverse down and around his body, wherever it could reach, probably checking for some kind of physical injury. It was almost comforting—endearing, even. Almost; it would be if he didn’t feel so damn puny, so damn helpless.

“Stede,” Ed said, his tone a bit more serious. “You’re not hiding a stab wound or some shit, are you?”

“No. I’m not…I’m not hurt.”

“…Physically,” Ed finished for him.

Stede bit back another sob, holding himself even tighter.

“Ed, it’s not…it’s not something you need to be worried about—“

“‘Course I’m worried. Finding you out here alone like this is a little fuckin’ worrisome.”

“I’m sorry,” Stede croaked.

Sorry that I can’t pull it together. Sorry that I’m scaring you. Sorry that I let them get to me. Sorry that I’m a fuckup.

But even with all of that unsaid, it was like Ed heard the deeper meaning anyway. Of course he did. Of course he knew. Of course he could clock what sort of situation they were actually dealing with.

Stede felt the frantic hand slow, before hearing and feeling Ed let out a long, shaky breath.

“No, sweetheart, don’t be sorry. Nothing to be sorry for. Just…don’t like seeing you hurt in any kind of way, is all. Just want to help you—be here for you and all that,” Ed said, rubbing Stede’s back as softly as he spoke.

Stede drew a shaky breath of his own. That was a new thing with Ed, something he was still getting used to, despite all their time together; before him, no one had ever, ever wanted that. No one had ever cared to check on him. No one had ever been protective of him and his feelings.

It most certainly made his heart sing, at least. The mere concept flooded it with warmth, which was quickly pumped to the furthest tips of his body. It was sunny, it was wondrous, it was…soothing indeed.

But for that dastardly brain of his…

It was terrifying—letting someone in like that. For the entirety of his life, such a thing had been unacceptable. Especially, especially, with such vulnerable and pathetic emotions. It certainly didn’t make him into the man everyone expected him to be.

Again though, it was like Ed heard his innermost thoughts, his darling understanding him better than anyone else.

“You help me all the time, y’know,” Ed said. “Would love to do the same for you.”

Well, that was…

Hm.

That was true, wasn’t it. He did offer his hand to Ed—always without a lick of judgement. He dried his tears, rocked away the anxiety, and held him close, not questioning any of it for even a moment. It was just something that came naturally to him. It was because he loved him, and cared about him, and wanted him to feel better.

…But was he really deserving of such patience?

While his brain pondered that thought and got a bit stuck on it, his heart took advantage, piloting him to give the smallest of nods. And before his brain could scramble to take it back, he felt a single word fall off his tongue.

“…Okay.”

Immediately after, there came a bolt of anxiety down his spine, the difficulty of such admittance red-hot in his system. But Ed shone brighter beside him, working right alongside of his heart.

“Yeah?”

Stede somehow scrounged up another nod, and the mellowness he received back…

Hm indeed.

“Yeah. Okay. Good, love. That’s good. Just don’t want you to be alone in this, y’know? I know how that shit feels. It fuckin’ sucks, to put it lightly. And I don’t want you to feel like that, ever.” The hand on his back wandered upwards, up his nape and into his curls, stroking through them just how he liked. “Now then, my sweet darling. What can I do for you, hm? Can I see that pretty face? Give you a kiss or two…hundred?”

That was…a bit tempting, Stede couldn’t deny. But showing his face still felt a bit too raw, like it would crack him right open instead of chipping things away piece by piece. He gave a little shake of his head then, yet Ed didn’t seem deterred, his caresses not slowing in the slightest.

“Alright. That’s okay. Just want me to sit here with you for a bit?”

That was even better. But even so, that uglier inner part of him hissed. Would it be too much for Ed—to risk a sore knee, to get all dirty, to have to fend off “fuckin’ nature?”

The two sides sort of cancelled each other out that time around, Stede only offering a shrug of his shoulders. Ed tsked in response, before Stede felt him sit up a bit more.

“Ooo, actually, y’know what? Need to get something. I’ll be right back, alright? Promise you.”

And before Stede’s subconscious could even have a chance to intervene, he felt the most perfect kiss against his head before Ed was off like a shot.

Ed was gone.

He was alone again.

He expected his system to take comfort in that, to settle back into the familiar misery he had always known. He expected the tears to start burning again, to sink right back down into the gloom where he thought he belonged.

But…no. Not quite. Instead, he was surprised to feel…an emptiness, even in such a state. Something in him, despite all the loathing and doubt…felt hollow without that particular presence beside him. He still struggled with it. He still felt it burdensome. Yet…

Yet he found himself breathing a little easier when he heard those footsteps returning. And wasn’t that a thought. A different one. A scary one. But an interesting one, all the same.

He sighed a little less shaky than before and waited to feel Ed at his side again, only to be shocked by an entirely new sensation: something draped upon his back and shoulders. Something warm and wonderful and…familiar. Yes. Familiar—a familiarity to override the old, perhaps.

He shifted a bit, rolling his head against his arms to try and catch a glimpse of whatever it was. Through the gaps, he could see blue, and lavender, and floral patterns…

And the flowers behind him felt a little less thorny, too.

“Wh—is that…is that our robe?” Stede asked.

“Yeah. If it gets too hot, you can shrug it the fuck off. But, dunno—I find it comforting. Feels nice when I’m kinda all locked up. Like, grounding, or something. So, thought you might like it, too.”

Well, it was already a bit hot in the sun, yes. It was also rather heavy against his back. All the same though, Ed had been right with his description; it was grounding. Maybe because it was so hot and heavy, and stole thought power away from his head—a distraction of sorts. Or maybe because it smelled so much like Ed, and was something of an embrace from him. Or maybe…the way that it was soft and floral provided some sort of dissonance, and canceled some hateful things out.

Whatever the case, he sniffled, and managed another nod.

“It’s lovely. Thank you.”

“Yeah. That’s just the tip of the comfort-berg, though. Know shit still sucks. So, I can stay here and we can talk. Or, I can stay here and shut up. Or, I can give you some space, if you want. Whatever you want, hun.”

“Stay,” Stede said, surprising himself with how quickly he said it. “Please.”

“‘Course.” Ed settled back against him then, pressing their sides a bit more flush than before. “And what’ll be your side order with that? A serving of silence, or a pile of prattle?”

Stede was even more surprised when the corners of his mouth twitched up into a ghost of a smile. All the same—it became a little less surprising as to why he wanted Ed there with him.

“Prattle, please. Though, it’s…never so with you. I’d…very much love to hear you talk. Always do.”

Because that was love, wasn’t it? Those charming idiosyncrasies? Having it all come as easy as breathing, no matter what? Never annoying?

Never…too much?

Hm again.

He heard Ed softly huff and shuffle that much closer—impossibly closer. He felt another wondrous kiss against his head before Ed kept to his word, softly talking and tenderly caressing.

“Well, so, okay—first of all, if anyone’s sorry, I’m sorry, Stede love.”

“Wh-what? What could you possibly—“

“Sorry that you had such a shitty morning. Know going out there and looking at all the goodies makes you happy. So I’m sorry something had to come and fuck that up.”

Stede sniffled, but when he shook his head against his arms again, it wasn’t a compulsion.

“Don’t be. Wasn’t your fault.”

“Maybe not. Dunno what even happened. But y’know what I do know? Whatever or whoever upset you is a fuckin’ dick. Biggest fuckin’ dick there is. Well, I mean, maybe not quite as big as yours, but like, up there.”

And it was surprising, but also entirely unsurprising, when a noise between a sob and a laugh found its way out of his mouth. Ed wasn’t even done either, snickering himself and carrying on.

“And not good like yours either. Bad. A bad, big fuckin’ dick. Kinda weird that there’s a good version and a bad version, actually. Who even came up with that? Something so good but then it’s also an insult? Fuck, man.”

Ed scoffed and Stede felt his mouth miraculously turn up even more.

“Anyway, point being, someone or something is on my shit list. Wish I could invite whatever it is to the inn just so I could kick it the fuck out.” Ed leaned close and offered another kiss to Stede’s head. “Wish I could do that with your hurt, too. Wish I could just…reach in there and take it all out. Would if I could.”

“W-well, you’re still helping.”

“Nah. Not as much as I could be. Wish I could spool it on up like some fishing line. Or like, take it and turn it into some sort of flakes, to sprinkle it on a dish. It’d be like…invite the fucker over, give them the hurt flakes—a taste of their own fuckin’ medicine, then kick them out.”

Stede’s mouth quivered—more so from building mirth than leaking tears.

“Hurt Flakes? Is that the official name?” he asked.

“Well, I thought of Fuck Flakes, but that could mean something else. Fuckin’ double meaning again.”

“That’s true. Do love a good alliteration though.”

“Yeah. Tickles the tongue all nice. Unlike what I’d want the Fuck Flakes to do.”

When Stede made the noise again, it was closer to a laugh than it was a cry. Their usual back and forth was another distraction, and a very welcomed one at that. It was like Ed’s hand was figuratively outstretched, just waiting for Stede to grab it so they could both head to silliness. And of course it was an offer he couldn’t refuse.

“Would they be unbearably spicy or something then? Or maybe horrendously bitter?” Stede asked.

“Both. The absolute worst taste and sensation you can possibly imagine. A taste of vengeance.”

“That sounds like a good slogan. Fuck Flakes: A Taste of Vengeance.”

“Yeah, but maybe it’s a little misleading. Because it’s definitely not a taste of vengeance for the one eating ‘em. The provider, yeah, but the eater? Fuck no.”

“Ah, but therein lies the fun,” Stede said, lifting a finger even with his face still tucked away. “It’s a misdirect. They would never know what was coming.”

“Fuck yeah they wouldn’t,” Ed huffed, bumping their shoulders together.

Stede laughed—they both did, their floral corner warming more than the very sun above. The tears had slowed considerably, just mere trickles down his nose and cheeks, and it allowed him to see the situation with far better clarity.

My, what a thing anxiety was. What lies it loved to instill. Because there he was, an absolute and utter mess, yet there his darling was, too, willingly sitting in it right along with him. And talking him through it. And making him laugh. And pulling him up from the depths even when those depths seemed too ghoulish or ugly. Just as he would do right back.

There were still residual bits of pain and doubt, gnawing away at the inside of his skull. He still felt silly, and small, and…perhaps a bit undeserving, still. But the scales had definitely tipped in favor of trust, in favor of love.

So, with that, did Stede shift a tad, loosening his hold on himself.

“Ed?”

“Yeah?”

Stede drew in a deep breath as though he was about to make an icy plunge, but really, it was more like he was coming up for air.

He shifted just that little bit more, and finally, finally, revealed his face to the world again, blinking through the sunlight and tears.

“…I love you,” he whispered, slowly turning his gaze on his beloved.

And maybe it wasn’t the sunlight that he was squinting against, but the sheer strength of Ed’s love shining beside him. His expression was impossibly tender, impossibly affectionate, his brown eyes glimmering and his smile sparkling.

Good Lord, being lucky enough and worthy enough to be on the receiving end of that…

How on earth?

A few more tears fell, particularly when Ed leaned in to give the tip of his nose a kiss.

“Love you, too, sweetheart.” He moved to kiss right beside Stede’s eye, then pressed a soft kiss to his temple. “Really am sorry about all of this.”

“Don’t be. Wasn’t your fault. Was just…”

“We can talk about this later, if you want. Doesn’t have to be now.”

“No, it’s alright. I feel a bit better.” Stede fully lifted his head up, offering a small smile. “You make Stede happy, after all.”

“And you make Ed happy,” Ed said back, reaching up with both hands. He cupped Stede’s face gently, so, so gently, wiping moisture away with his thumbs before guiding them into a proper kiss.

Stede utterly melted, a few more tears squeezing out. It was what he had been craving all morning after all, particularly as things had gotten more and more painful. The taste of him, the feel of him, the way they were breathing the same air…

He whimpered and parted his lips, letting him in, letting him in. Far less scary as Ed’s tongue languidly brushed against his. Far less vulnerable as Ed eagerly drank him in.

They kissed, and kissed, and kissed, only breaking when they both had to come up for a breath. Still, they remained close, intertwined, panting against each other’s mouths and leaning their foreheads together.

“Hi,” Ed whispered.

“Hi,” Stede whispered back.

“Missed that face.”

“I know. I’m sorry—“

“Hey, no, still no apologies necessary, babe. Just happy you’re feeling a bit better. And was just…worried for you, is all. And angry for you. And hurt for you. And sad for you. And whatever else you need me to be for you.”

“I appreciate that.”

Stede said so earnestly, but there was a phantom or two still holding on. And it seemed Ed could tell. Of course Ed could tell—probably even more so with his face exposed. Stede could feel those beautiful eyes on his skin, scanning him, reading the smallest little intricacies of his expression like text on a piece of parchment.

“I’d move fuckin’ mountains for you, you know that? I’d drain the whole damn ocean for you. And I’d chase the fuckers who hurt you to the ends of the fuckin’ earth if I had to.”

“Well…”

“There’s no ‘well’ about it, man. I would. And I’m here for you. And I love you so fuckin’ much, no matter what.”

Ed gave him another light peck and Stede sniffled, opening up just that little bit more.

“Even as I’m here all weepy?”

“Especially when you’re here all weepy. Y’know the robe around your shoulders right now?”

“Yes?”

“I sorta unofficially officially named it my breakdown blanket. Like, it’s the go to for that shit.”

Stede huffed and looked down at the soft fabric, idly tracing down the seam with a finger.

“Point being,” Ed continued, “if I have enough breakdowns to dedicate a fuckin’ robe to them, I’m not put off by seeing some tears, hun. Quite thankful, actually.”

“T-thankful?”

“Yeah. Cuz you’re getting all that shit out. And it’s even better for me to be here with you through it.”

“You shouldn’t have to be,” Stede admitted.

“I want to be.”

The earnestness behind Ed’s voice was enough to hush Stede into silence, to draw hazel back into brown. And God, there really was no judgement there at all, was there. There really wasn’t the slightest drop of scorn, or distaste, or anything else that had been triggered by his tears in the past—by his so-called weakness.

Just understanding.

Just support.

Just love.

With another ghost bested by Ed, Stede couldn’t help but lean in for another kiss, and nestle his head against Ed’s shoulder when they were through. He sighed in both draining fatigue and growing comfort, particularly when Ed nuzzled his cheek against his hair. But with the two of them wringing everything out, together…

“It was the market,” Stede said, quietly, tautly.

“Hm?”

“It happened at the market. I ran into this merchant who…seemed to recognize me. Like, actually see through the ruse and know who I am. Don’t know if she was a past pirate herself or someone a bit more nefarious. Either way, it…scared me.”

“Shit,” Ed said, reaching around to rub Stede’s back again. “What’d you do?”

“Deflected her as long as I could. Fortunately, her co-merchant cut in and got her off the trail. But…unfortunately…” A big push, a large leap, a scary admittance. But with Ed right there with him, with Ed there…Stede took a breath and continued, “She did so by, uh, saying I was too…soft. That there’s no way I could be Stede Bonnet because I’m too…soft.”

Even with all the forward progress he’d made, he still tucked his face into Ed’s neck, partially hiding himself away again. But the soft skin and scent of his darling was a welcomed change from before, as was the incredulous scoff he gave.

“The fuck does she know? She doesn’t know what makes Stede Bonnet ‘Stede Bonnet,’ that’s for sure. You know what does?”

“What?”

“Being the sweetest thing on the seven seas. Being a fuckin’ lunatic. Being the best damn storyteller and an even better performer. Being a captain, and a friend, and a lover.” Ed paused, before snickering. “Being an absolute Zaddy—“

“Edward.”

They both shared a laugh before Ed quietly continued, “And yeah, even being soft, but being so fuckin’ strong all the same.”

Stede wanted to glow from it all, and he did, mostly. But his mind still got hung up on certain bits, causing him to let out a more despondent sigh.

“Yes, well…The thing is, I’m not sure I want to be thought of as soft, Ed. I’ve been ridiculed for being soft all my life. I want to be someone people think is strong. Capable. Worthy.” His breath stuttered; the worst admittance was there, right there. But with Ed holding him so, with Ed anchoring him down…It had no choice but to spill out with the rest. “Worthy enough to hold Ed Teach’s heart the way he deserves.”

There it was. And beside him, Ed stiffened something fierce, even going so far to lift his cheek off Stede’s head to look at him.

“Wait…What?”

Stede sniffled and tucked himself tighter, a few new tears appearing and dripping down his face.

“S-sorry, I know. I know, I know. It’s just…It’s not even the first time someone’s called said worthiness into question and I j-just…” It was too much. It was too heavy. It choked him up all over again. “I just want to be…enough, Ed. My entire life, I don’t…I don’t think I’ve ever been enough…”

He hiccuped again. He almost hated that he hiccuped again. But then Ed was tugging on him, pulling him up and into his lap as he softly interjected.

“Hey, hey, Stede, sweetheart…”

Those wonderful arms locked protectively around him, their bodies pressed entirely flush, and Stede relented. Stede gave into it all. He allowed himself to cry, allowed himself to be held, allowed himself to be gently rocked, everything that he had tried to deny himself earlier. He was cracked open after all, everything laid entirely bare, yet Ed was right there, willingly there.

Ed was there.

He soothingly shushed him, and kissed him, and allowed him the proper space before he gently spoke up again.

“Stede, listen to me. Listen, my darling. Do you remember the night that I died?”

Stede’s lip wobbled anew.

“I try very hard not to,” he croaked out.

“Okay, well, do you remember that you came to me? As a mermaid? A merperson?”

“Yes…”

Ed made a little hum of assent before leaning back—leaning them both back, just enough to make eye contact. He reached up with a hand to cup Stede’s face again, and held there as he spoke—spoke right into Stede’s soul.

“Well, even though you were a mermaid, it was still you. Golden, and orange, and sparkly, but you. You weren’t all larger than life or some beastly thing. You weren’t wielding anything or fighting for my hand—well, I mean, you were holding a trident, but I think it was just to look mermaid-y as fuck. You didn’t have to, like, maim the shit out of anyone or anything like that. It was just…you. All that I fell in love with. And seeing you again is what…made me want to swim back up to the surface. You didn’t have to do anything to impress me. You were just…you. And that was enough. It always is.”

Stede’s eyes widened, quickly filling to the brim with new tears and overflowing.

“E-Ed…”

“And hey, listen, if you want to be a badass? Like, you feel the need to be all heroic and sexy and shit? Then you can. But only if you want to, not because you feel like you have to. You definitely don’t have to for me. Because, you know…” Ed smiled, the warmth of their entire relationship backing its brightness. “I love everything about you.”

Stede hiccuped on another sob then, but it was…happy. It was overcome, and awed, and awash with all sorts of other emotions, too, but…happy.

“Love being near you,” Ed continued with a snicker, pressing a kiss to the side of Stede’s face that wasn’t cupped by his hand. “Breathing the same air. And I love you, Stede. Every little thing that makes you you. Wouldn’t have fallen otherwise. You’re the strongest, softest, sweetest, sexiest, most beautiful, most insane, most incredible man. And you are a fuckin’ mermaid. You’re my fuckin’ mermaid. Just as you are.”

Something in Stede broke away then.

Something dark, something deep, and something damaging.

A chain, perhaps, that had had him ensnared for so long, so fucking long. Or a dagger, maybe, that had been lodged inside him for the entirety of his life, hurting whenever he moved a certain way. Or even something poisonous, that had been ingested in his childhood, slowly eating away at him over time.

Whatever the case, it had been shifted. It had been moved. And like a large dam breaking that had once held back so much, a deluge of emotion came along with it.

Stede sobbed with the sheer intensity of it all, with the sheer amount of pent up pain that was released.

But he also breathed.

He loved.

And he existed, just as he was.

Just as Stede Bonnet was, and always had been. And God, he was loved for it right back. How incredible and precious that was.

He cried himself utterly dry, letting everything out to the point of pure exhaustion. He drooped against Ed’s chest like a wilted flower, but a beautiful one. A lovely one.

A perfectly soft one that was regarded for being such.

“Ed…” he eventually managed.

“Hm?” Ed murmured, combing his fingers through Stede’s hair.

“I don’t…I don’t even know what to say.”

“Don’t have to say anything, sunshine. You love me, too, I know. I know that.”

“I do. God, Ed, I do.” Stede sat up a bit then, easing to look back in Ed’s eyes. “With all that I am. With every ounce of my soul. To the point I can’t even properly describe. I love you so, so, so fucking much. And I’m so thankful for you.”

“So thankful for you. Wouldn’t even be here without you, y’know,” Ed said, beginning to lean in.

“Nor I without you,” Stede replied, following.

God though, he wished he had something more than a kiss, something more he could give, something that much more tangible—

“Oh!” Stede exclaimed right as their lips were about to brush. “Ed. Behind us!”

“H-huh, what?” Ed said, suddenly looking alarmed as he whipped his head around. “S’there some kind of fuckin’ nature—“

“No!” Stede laughed. “Well, yes—sort of. Not like that though. Flowers. For you, darling. I got them this morning. Consider them just…a fraction of my love and gratitude for you.”

“Wh—Stede…” Ed sighed, incredulous but fond. “You’re telling me, that you endured all that bullshit, but still brought these home? You are a fuckin’ lunatic. You didn’t have to do that for me.”

“I most certainly did, Edward,” Stede said in his matter-of-fact-type tone. “I’d move mountains for you too, you know. Especially after how patient and lovely and just…exquisite you’ve been through all of this.”

“Nah, babe, come on. Just me loving you.”

“And just me loving you right back.”

They both giggled before easing back for the missed kiss, gingerly and sweetly exchanging that love indeed. Stede could have stayed there all day—for the rest of his life, even, relishing in everything that they had, together.

Well, that was, until another interruption reared its head.

“Ed?”

“Stede?”

“I’m, ah, really…quite fucking hot in this robe, actually,” Stede said sheepishly.

“Fuck yeah you are.” Ed laughed before giving his eyebrows a bounce. “Zadd—“

“Hush with that!” Stede laughed, giving Ed’s chest a playful push. “From the heat, you nut!”

“Yeah, mhmm, the heat you’re giving off, babe.”

“Oh, I swear…”

They both laughed more and shared a sillier, lighter kiss, before Ed broke away to grin and brush an errant curl out of Stede’s face.

“Alright, well, whaddya say we go down to the beach and take a cool dip? Then maybe, if you’re not too wiped, we can walk back and find some more flowers to make, like, a bouquet or something? Give you the chance to tell me all their funny sounding names and everything, too. Missed that this morning, after all. Then, like, a shit ton of cuddles when we get home? And those additional two hundred kisses?”

Stede beamed. He was already quite exhausted, yes, wrung the fuck out and left to dry. But…

But he wanted that. He safely, securely, truly wanted that. Being silly with his Ed. Being soft.

Just…being, again.

Just himself, and his darling Edward, and their lovely little life.

So, with an another kiss, a brush of a flower into Ed’s hair, and a smile, Stede finally spoke his truth.

“Think I’d love that, too.”