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Adam shaded his eyes with his hand. He was standing on the side of an empty road in a forested area. “Was the sun always this bright?”
“No,” Michael replied seriously. “While we were gone, the angels multiplied the sun's power by adding smaller stars to it, so humans would see it as an omen of the rapture.”
He looked up again. “Wait-”
“Yes, it’s the same. You're just not used to it.” Michael rolled his eyes. Adam punched him lightly in the shoulder and smiled.
“Do I want to know how you got the car?” He asked, pointing at the blue pick-up in front of them.
“It’s not like we have any of your currency to exchange for one legally.”
He raised his eyebrows. “You stole this?!”
“…not technically.” Michael unlocked the driver door and climbed in. “It’s the best we can do, since I’m not sure my powers are strong enough to teleport us there.” Adam went around to the other side and sat down next to him. “And it’s easier to change directions.”
“Whatever, it’s nice.” Adam opened the glove compartment and dug inside. “And you know how to get there?”
Michael nodded. “I can faintly sense which direction Heaven’s portal is.”
“Internal GPS, pretty cool.” They backed out of the parking space, only a few miles from where they had left Hell. Adam pushed the window button up and down. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
He didn’t look away from the pavement ahead of them. “You think it’s a bad idea.”
“I just…I don’t know if going to Heaven and talking to the angels again would be the best thing for you to do. We just got out, and we basically have forever to do everything.” Adam shrugged uneasily. “It might be too soon, is all I’m saying.”
“I know.” Michael said as they slowed down at a crossroads, pausing to think before turning to the left.
“At least the nature is pretty here.” They were currently driving on an empty road in a sea of trees. The tall pines outside the window became infested by stumps until there were only a handful of trees at a time. “Kind of.”
Michael relaxed slightly. “You humans and your obsessive resource gathering.”
Adam put his hands up. “Hey, don’t blame me for deforestation. It wasn’t this bad a decade ago.” He could tell they were getting closer and closer to a city. The cars passing by them definitely were newer models.
“What does it look like? The portal thing.”
He glanced over at Adam. “They might have changed its appearance, but the last time I was there it was-”
“A huge glowing golden gate with religious statues and ancient inscriptions?”
“-a playground.” Michael continued.
He tried to imagine that. “Oh. That’s not as…dramatic as I thought.”
“You should see the inside.” Michael laughed. “It’s nothing like in the movies.”
Adam pressed his forehead against the window pane. Everything was a green blur and gray blur. “Where are we right now?”
“The sign ahead says ‘Greenville 10 Miles.’” He watched it pass by them.
“Greenville…Greenville…yeah, never heard of it.”
“Based on the vegetation, I’d say we’re somewhere in a northern state.”
“I wonder how far it is to Wisconsin.” He didn’t see the look Michael gave him.
They drove in silence while he traced a speck of dirt on the glass.
“Wanna put on some music?” Adam fiddled with the knob, shuffling through stations. Loud pop music played, some new song he hadn’t heard. He changed it again, pausing at the sound of a talk show host oozing through the speakers.
“-right you are, Richard! Now, can anyone tell me which company’s stock price dropped by-“ Adam groaned and turned it again. The next station was a sporadic mixture of classic rock, alternative, and the odd Britpop song.
“You know, I used to play guitar.” Adam said during a long commercial break.
Michael glanced at the fuel gauge.“Were you in a…band?”
“For about a month during junior year. We broke up because of ‘creative differences.’” He shrugged. “It was more like a hobby for me. My real interest was biology, you know, science shit.”
“Was that what you were studying in college?”
“Yeah.” Adam closed his eyes. “…It’s probably too late to pick up where I left off. Everyone thinks I’m dead, and it’s not like I can access any of the money saved in the bank.” The years before he died felt far away, like the memories were someone else’s and he was watching them like a movie.
“You have to pay to learn the knowledge and skills necessary to pursue specific careers?”
He nodded.
“That’s moronic. It’s a miracle your species survived this long.”
“Trust me, I agree. Student loans suck.” Adam lifted his head up. “Hopefully they haven’t messed up too much while we were gone.”
Michael grinned. “You’d be amazed what humans can destroy in a couple years.”
By now they could see buildings over the horizon. Based on the height of the buildings, Greenville wasn’t a city, just a town. It was late afternoon, and Adam could see the inhabitants. For some reason he didn’t feel like exploring, he was glad Michael had control over the body right now and they couldn’t see him.
“So, how much farther?”
He braked at a red light and waited for a couple pedestrians to walk across. “Like I said, it doesn’t work like that. It’s mostly a vague pull towards the portal. To Heaven. I don’t know the exact location.”
Adam stared at the people walking by. He had forgotten how unique every person was. Hair, clothes, physical appearance. Part of him was used to how he looked. How they looked. But another was tired of seeing the same thing for centuries. Maybe later we can change things up a bit, he thought with a small smile.
“Do you want to stop and do stuff?” Michael asked. He paused, weighing the pros and cons.
“Nah.” Adam hummed along to the radio, some song his mom liked. He placed his hand on the middle of Michaels thigh, rhythmically brushing his fingers against him.
It’s funny, he thought, they had talked so much about everything they missed and wanted to do when they got back on Earth, and here they were driving through the middle of nowhere. It was nice. Peaceful.
~
Adam must have gotten lost in his head, because when he focused his eyes it was dark. Michael was still driving.
“How long have we been on the road?” Adam mumbled.
“A couple hours.”
He stretched. “Do you want me to take over, or…” Michael shook his head.
There were stars out, but he didn’t remember any of the constellations. He looked around the car for something of interest. After rechecking the glove compartment, doors, and cup holders, all he had found was a couple dollar bills and a receipt for printer ink from 4 years ago.
“We should stop for gas soon.” He said. Adam didn’t want to be stranded out here. Something about the woods seemed scary, but that was probably just the little kid who read too many horror stories in him.
Michael pointed behind him. “I saw a couple trucks going that way, so there’s probably one close by.”
Sure enough, a couple minutes later they saw the electric glow of gas station lights like one of the stars, only bigger and closer to the ground. There wasn’t any vehicle there except a van in the employee parking space.
Michael cruised next to a gas pump and got out. He inspected the machine while Adam leaned against the car door.
“I’m going to go look around.” He called. Michael gave him a thumbs up and continued trying to break the dispenser. Adam listened to the trees swishing while the wind picked up. It reminded him of when he went on a camping field trip in the 8th grade and saw what looked like a wolf in the trees. He peered into the dark, watching if anything moved.
His mom hadn’t wanted him to go on that trip. She had been worried about him and a kids' bored older brother being the chaperone. It had taken weeks for Adam to finally convince her that yes, he would be okay, yes, he’d be careful about getting lost, yes he would be careful in the dark, and about a billion other things.
“There we go.” Adam snapped out of his thoughts and turned back to Michael. He had given up on physical means and done some weird angel magic that made the gas pump think they had paid already. He walked over to the car as Michael filled up the tank.
“When you're done, can we go to the convenience store? I’ve got a couple dollars.” Adam pulled the crumpled green bills from his pocket.
“Remember, you don’t have to eat anymore.”
Adam shrugged. “I know, I just miss the taste of candy.” He finished with the car and nodded. Adam abruptly changed positions as he took Michael’s place. Now he was in control of the body, and noted how he could subtly feel the difference between that and what it was like before.
He strolled towards the door, cringing at the sharp bell that rang when he walked in. Adam saw Michael follow behind him, eyeing the bright bags and boxes of sugar. He counted the money and made note of everything he had liked before he died.
“Hey, they have new flavors now!” Adam pointed at the Skittles on the shelf. He grabbed a small green bag and looked at the cashier. It was a guy in his 20s messing with a tiny computer monitor in his hand. Michael was in the medicine aisle, reading the side effects warning labels on each drug.
Adam was aware of his heart beating faster as he took a step toward the counter. He shakily took another, focused on not having talked to anyone besides Michael in a thousand Cage years. He had had mild social anxiety before, but this was unparalleled. He could feel sweat under his arms and on his palms. Adam swallowed dryly, hating how sick to his stomach he was getting.
He was about 5 feet away now, and the guy hadn’t even looked up. His breathing became even quicker, barely getting enough air for his lungs. The tightening in his chest was getting worse and worse. He was being stupid and dramatic. He wasn’t even strong enough to say a couple words to some stranger. He was weak and sensitive and crying like a girl. If only his mom could see what he had become-
Adam swung around and practically ran through the door, bag of candy dropping from his hand. He couldn’t think as he dropped to the pavement outside the store and sobbed, getting angrier at every pathetic noise that escaped his mouth. Michael must have known there was something wrong, instantly appearing in front of him.
“Adam? Adam, what’s wrong?” He didn’t pay attention to what Michael was saying, just the hurt in his stomach making him want to throw up, to get all of this out. Michael gripped his hand, pulling it away from the clawing at his arm that left red marks. He grabbed on to Michael, collapsing into his arms. His eyes were shut as hard as he could.
Adam could vaguely hear Michael murmuring comforting words to him and holding his hand. The angel softly rubbed Adam’s arms.
“I can’t- I can’t do it.” He choked out. Michael shushed him and lifted him to his feet. Adam staggered on his feet and let Michael lift him onto the truck bed. He held onto the cold metal as Michael talked to him, calming him down. He sat down next to him and put his arm around Adam.
“It's okay. You’re okay.” He buried his face in Michael’s shoulder and breathed slowly, grateful for his touch.
Adam rubbed his eyes. “Can we leave now?” He said with as little emotion as he could. Michael nodded and they switched back.
He liked the indistinct feeling of weightlessness that washed over him. And, of course, that no one could see him but Michael.
When the two had escaped, they had quickly found that both of them couldn’t exist physically at the same time. One of them was controlling Adam’s body, and the other was in his head. But the lines blurred pretty often. They could feel each other's touch, no matter who was in control, and they could minimally affect objects in the real world.
Adam knew that most angels didn’t have an arrangement like them. He could remember what it was like before they fell into the Cage, when Michael was just using him as a vessel. He could see through his eyes and feel everything that happened, but that was it. From what he could remember, Adam had tried to talk to him, but his attempts were ignored.
It was only in the Cage that they really got to know each other. At first it was probably because there was no one else. However, the longer the years dragged on, the closer they got. One thing led to another, and now they’ve been together for years. He smiled at Michael.
He glanced at Adam. “What?”
“Nothing.” He shook his head, knowing he had a goofy facial expression.
“Want to tell me what happened?” Michael had that concerned look in his eye that meant he wouldn’t leave it alone, no matter how many times Adam told him it wasn’t a big deal.
He sighed. “I don’t know. I haven’t talked to a…normal person in awhile.” Adam shrugged. “I guess I got a little freaked out.”
Michael tapped the steering wheel, probably annoyed at him for some reason. “Would you rather take a break, go somewhere and stay there for a couple days instead? To get used to all this.”
Adam groaned. “I’m fine! This is important to you, Mike. I don’t want to delay your holy reunion or whatever.”
Michael rolled his eyes. “Just tell me when you're getting overwhelmed, alright?” He stared at Adam, waiting for him to respond. Adam nodded distractedly and looked out the window. Through the pitch black night, he could make out the shapes of tangled branches, reaching toward the moon like hands.
“I think we’re getting closer.” Michale said after turning onto a small gravel road.
He cringed and gave a thumbs up. The sound of the rocks against the car, pinging off the tires and crashing against each other hurt Adam’s ears. He turned the radio on again to drown out the sharp noise. What played was some sad song that was just guitar and vocals, one of those easy riffs he would have used as a warm up back then.
Michael slowed down at a fork in the road and waited a minute before getting out of the car. He stood in the clearing, walking in each direction before retracing his steps. One road was freshly paved with black asphalt, with a bright white line down the middle separating the lines. The other was more gravel, surrounded by gnarled trees. Roots clung to the dirt and sprouted through the road, covering it in thin branches. Michael got back in the car and turned to the Classic Halloween Movie road.
“Of course.” Adam grumbled.
~
The closer they got, the more on edge Michael looked. It got to a point where he had to pull over when they were no more than 20 feet away from the portal. Michael’s hands were pale with pressure as he gripped the steering wheel.
“Are you sure you’re completely ready?” Adam asked, breaking the silence. Michael didn’t respond, and mechanically turned the truck off. Adam watched him get out and close the door before rushing to follow him.
Even though Michael had warned him, the portal to heaven was underwhelming. It looked like a normal playground with a weird design in the sandbox. It even had some kid sitting on the slide and an adult watching them.
“Michael?” The kid asked, eyes wide.
“I knew I sensed a powerful grace’s presence!” Said the other person. Michael nodded, already standing up straighter. Adam paused, then uneasily moved closer to him when he realized they were angels, not people.
“How did you escape the Cage?” The one with the younger vessel hopped down from the brightly colored structure, landing on the ground in a way that would definitely hurt a human.
Michael stared calmly. “It just opened.” The angels turned to look at each other.
“It must have been because of God opening the gates.”
Michael’s head snapped up, his illusion of apathy disappeared. “He’s returned?”
The angel looked away. “It’s complicated.”
“…what happened while in Heaven while I was gone?” He narrowed his eyes.
“A lot. We went through countless changes in management, were cast down to Earth, at one point almost went extinct…” They waved their hand to indicate there was even more.
“Who's your current Ruler of Heaven?”
They shared a look, having a silent conversation. “We don’t technically have one.”
He raised his eyebrows. “What about the archangels?”
“Well, Gabriel’s dead, Raphael’s dead, Lucifer is…again, complicated.”
“I’m sorry.” Michael flinched when Adam touched his shoulder. He didn’t respond, or react further.
“That’s why Heaven needs you.” The angel on the left said hopefully. “To be our leader.” Adam didn’t like where this was going, or that Michael seemed to be actually considering the offer.
“I’m sure we’d improve greatly under your rule. It might even be enough to get Him to notice.” Michael still didn’t respond. Adam watched his blank and calculating face, eerily reminding him of how he was before.
“Michael…?” Adam moved to touch him again, but thought better of it. Were promises of power and his fathers approval all it took to undo all the progress he’d help Michael make? Adam wrung his hands, hating what he thought of the only person he could trust ignoring him. This was exactly why he didn’t want them to go.
“What was it like being stuck in the Cage with a couple of inferior humans and The Devil for hundreds of years?” The angel on the right asked curiously. Adam’s face burned.
“Oh yeah, you were stuck in there with the Winchester and…”
“His useless half-brother.” The angel finished helpfully. “He was difficult to convince. A lot of work for some inadequate vessel you didn’t get to fight with.”
He turned to Michael desperately, trying not to lose his temper.
“Adam wasn’t ‘inadequate’.” Michael said at last. He tried to hide his relief.
One of the angels laughed. “They really messed you up in there, huh?” They smiled. “No matter. Some time where you belong will fix you.”
Adam groaned. “You're not seriously buying this, right?” He wondered how mad Michael would be if he dragged him out of there.
“I don’t recognize you two.” He said.
“That’s because we were created recently.” The angel paused. “Not by Him, if that's what you're thinking.”
Michael looked confused. “Then how?”
“Well, Lucifer had a nephilim kid, and he used some human…volunteers.”
“What?!” Adams' mouth opened.
He shook his head slightly. “How?”
“Extract a human soul, forge it into an angel.” They explained it like this was a completely normal sentence.
“Wait, so they just took human’s souls and turned them into angels?” Adam put his hands up. “That’s fucked up, right?!”
Michael crossed his arms. “How voluntarily?”
The angel shrugged. “Does it matter? We’re doing them a favor.”
“…how many did you create?” He said, voicing Adam’s concerns.
“A hundred or so. Just enough to get Heaven back on its feet.”
Michael glanced at Adam, who was finally quiet. “I’m guessing there isn’t a way to turn them back.”
One of the angels tilted its head. “You're correct, but even so, why would we?”
“Because they had a life before, you murderers!” Adam yelled.
Michael gave him a stern look and diplomatically moved on. “Also, what do you mean Lucifer had a kid?”
“He impregnated a human, but after it was born Castiel and the Winchesters took him and raised him before Lucifer could influence it or we could kill him.”
Adam spun to Michael. “Look, I know Heaven and the angels have done bad stuff, but this is crazy. You seriously want to go back for this?!”
Michael bit his lip, probably ignoring him again. Adam sighed.
“Remember all the ‘be your own person’ stuff we talked about? What happened to that Michael?” He rubbed his eyes angrily.
“I could fix Heaven.” He murmured.
Adam grabbed Michael’s hand, “Don’t do it because you think you're their last hope, or because it’s all you think you know, or because you think you need God's attention.” He slipped his fingers in between his. “Because you know that’s not true.”
Michael swallowed. “Adam, you don’t understand. This was my responsibility. My people. I can’t just abandon them.”
“That’s the thing, you can. They don’t need you.” He stepped in front of him, so they were eye to eye. “I don’t want you doing something- becoming something- you don’t want to.” Michael stared at their intertwined hands,
“Who are you talking to right now?” Both the angels were watching them. Michael blinked.
“Uh-”
“Wait, wasn’t Adam the name of that half Winchester?” Mused the angel with the little kid vessel.
“The one that was his vessel? Yeah.” The other nodded.
“Are you talking to the body you're occupying?” They waited to be proven wrong, disbelief turning to displeasure. “Really?”
“I think we should get higher authority down here.”
Michael looked pale as the sandbox glowed, letting go of Adam’s hand. He turned around and blinked against the light, turning his eyelids a bright red.
“So,” An angel with a female vessel and white suit said as she stepped regally into the grass. “The great Michael has returned.”
“And you are?”
She smoothened a crease in their vest. “Kerubiel.” She turned to the angels who were guarding the portal. “What was the purpose of calling me here?”
“We thought you’d want to know of his arrival. And…” They glanced at the other, somewhat timidly. “And we thought he would be a prime candidate for becoming the new Ruler of Heaven.”
Her gaze grew cold as she surveyed the two angels. “And why is that?”
“Because he’s an archangel? And he-”
“And he was doing such a great job before.” Kerubiel finished sarcastically.
They looked at each other in alarm. “We just-.”
“Heaven is searching, not desperate.” She smiled thinly, like a threat. “We don’t need a pathetic excuse for an angel of His descent. He failed us and our Holy War. Michael is of no use to us, much less welcome in Heaven.”
Michael opened and closed his mouth. Adam waited for him to defend himself, or use his crazy divine powers or whatever to disintegrate her. Instead he just stood there.
Kerubiel spun around. “And you have also failed me.” The guards had only a few seconds to realize what was happening before she slit both their throats in one swipe of a long metallic knife. Adam watched in horror as the angels choked and fell to the ground. They exploded with an intense light, leading them to collapse with their eyes burned out, and imprints of wings on the ground.
“You’ve grown weak and foolish from your imprisonment.” Kerubiel continued. “Coming back here after your stunning defeat was a mistake. I hope you were not seeking forgiveness. Because you will find none.” Michael flinched as she hissed the last word.
Kerubiel stalked over to him, a dangerous gleam in her eyes. “Perhaps it would be more beneficial if I just absorbed your grace and led them myself.” He gaped as she slithered closer, Michael frozen like those statues of him in combat, sword aimed at a demon.
Kerubiel stopped inches from him, sneering widely across her face. The sickening turn in Adam’s stomach multiplied the longer Michael didn’t do anything.
“Did you really think we would welcome you back to Heaven with open arms? Your faults cannot be forgotten so easily. I am glad Our Father cannot see you like this, so fragile and broken.” She declared, probably enjoying this. “You are a fraction of the angel you used to be.”
“…are you going to do anything?”
Michael’s glistening stare flitted to Adam before returning to his feet. “I deserve this.” He mumbled feebly. Adam took a deep breath and focused. As if Michael was barely paying attention, or too lethargic to care, he was suddenly in control again.
“Shut up.” He growled, backing up so Kerubiel wasn’t so close. She noticed the change immediately.
“The human speaks.” Kerubiel smirked. “Michael, this is a new low, even for you.”
“You don’t know anything about him. The Cage made him stronger, not weaker.” Adam looked over at him, still standing still. He probably hadn’t even noticed a difference.
Kerubiel still stepped forward. “Then why is he treating you, a mere bug beneath our feet, as an equal?” She hissed. “Michael has become tainted with humanity.”
“His feelings about me haven’t ruined him. Heaven did. You guys really messed him up, and he was improving until you had to destroy all of the progress we made.” Adam glared at her.
“So, the little human thinks that an angel is his friend? That's cute. Too bad it’s not true. How could a divine being that’s been alive since the dawn of time feel anything towards a lowly creature like you? Maybe the two of you ‘bonded’ in the Cage, but now that he’s free, he’ll come to his senses and you’ll only be a vessel to him.”
Adam clenched his hands into fists. “That's a lie. We’re closer than that. Michael cares for me more than you would understand. He wouldn’t do that to me.”
“You think he’s…in love with you?” Kerubiel narrowed her eyes. “Either you're delusional, or he’s more of a freak than I thought.”
“Stop saying that stuff about him!” He yelled.
Kerubiel cocked her head. “Are you getting emotional? Yet another thing that's rubbed off on Michael. How far he’s fallen…” She reached out a hand. “If you can hear us, I want you to know,” She said with synthetic sweetness. “No one misses you.”
Adam smacked her hand away, only to find the point of a blade against his throat.
“That was a mistake, human.” Kerubiel pressed it deeper to his skin. “Don’t think I won’t kill you or Michael in a second.”
Adam could feel his legs shaking slightly. Was this how they were going to die? Before they even had time to do anything they had planned, before they even had a minute to enjoy it. He caught Michael in the corner of his eye, lost in his head.
“Mike, we should go now.” Adam waited for him to move for a few seconds before slowly backing away from Kerubiel, warily keeping track of the blade. Once he felt safe enough, he grabbed his arm, pulling him towards the truck. He could feel her watching them leave, and that the slightest impression of a threat would set her off.
Michael stumbled, nearly motionless besides the gravity of Adam dragging him. Adam practically shoved him in the passenger seat before backing out, eager to leave.
~
Once they were a few miles away, Adam let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. His heart was still pounding from having a blade against his throat. While he wasn’t sure if she really could have killed them, he wasn’t taking any chances. Adam looked over at Michael.
“Hey, you alright?”
He didn't answer, just shrinking further into himself. Michael hadn’t moved much since they had left the playground, Adam wasn’t even sure if he was hearing him.
Adam pulled off into a vacant campsite’s parking lot, glad the muscle memory from years ago was still fresh. He had been a little rusty, but as long as no one else was on the road and he didn’t have to do any tricky maneuvers, they would be okay. He turned the key, watching beams of white from the headlights disappear.
“It’s obvious the things she said are bothering you.” Adam poked Michael’s arm. “Tell me about it.”
Michael shook his head. “I’m fine.” He said robotically.
“Really? You were basically comatose for half an hour.” His eyes strained to see his face in the darkness. “C’mon, you know you can talk to me.” There was an eerie silence while he waited, the absence of bugs or any other living thing unnatural.
“I thought that-“ Michael cleared his throat. “I don’t really know what I thought would happen.” He looked at his lap. “Not this.”
Adam offered his hand, palm facing upwards. He tried not to show his relief when Michael accepted it. “Were you actually considering going back?”
“I want to think I was. I definitely thought the offer was genuine.” He tipped his head back. “But I’m not sure if I would have taken it. Perhaps Kerubiel was right, I have changed for the worse.”
“No you haven’t.” He said forcefully. “Don’t listen to anything she said. She just wanted to get under your skin.”
Michael shook his head again. “I’m not sure about that. There was some truth in them.” He closed his eyes. “I’m not the archangel I used to be.”
“And that’s good. What is it with you angels and thinking that feeling emotion is a weakness?” Adam brushed his fingers back and forth against the top of Michal’s hand. “Do you remember what you were like back then? Because I do. And I have to say, you’ve improved a lot.”
“You mean I’ve become more human.” He peered at Adam.
“…in a way.”
Michal snapped his fingers without excitement. “See? Even you know she’s right.” He sighed. “I cannot imagine being anything to Heaven in this state. I don’t blame them for their reaction.”
“So you want to go back to how you were? A cold, emotionless killer whose only purpose is to serve God? I don't believe that.”
“Without Heaven, who am I? The angels are the closest thing to a family I have, now that my brothers are dead.”
Adam stopped. “You still have me.” He drew in a shaky breath. “You’ll always have me.”
Michael buried his face in his hands. “I don’t know if that’s a good thing either.”
“Oh.” Adam paused before retracting his hand. “Okay.”
They sat there for what felt like an hour, neither saying anything. He finally turned the car back on and continued driving. Adam didn’t really know where he was going, but he felt the need to do something. To have something to focus on other than the angel in the seat next to him.
Adam tried to follow Michael’s stone-faced example. Every thought hurt in a different way, jumping from one to another like they were melting pieces of sea ice threatening to melt and drown him. Part of him thought Michael was just upset, and wasn’t thinking clearly. Another kept insisting that Kerubiel was right. Adam wanted to punch that part of him in the face.
Once the sun started to rise and he could recognize the places, he followed the signs to somewhere familiar. He was pretty sure they were close to his hometown. Too many memories cycled through his head.
He knew that it was early morning, meaning that people would be waking up for work and school and whatever other stuff they had to do. Stuff he would never be able to do again. He couldn’t just return, a decade after he’d died, looking exactly the same.
He watched the recognizable buildings get closer. Adam slammed his foot down on the pedal. The truck sped by, and he didn’t care how loud it was, he just needed to get out and as far away as possible. He kept the car at a sensible eighty miles per hour until they were out of sight. Maybe one day he could go back. Not today though.
Adam slowed down to a stop at the sight of a distinct bus stop. He hesitated before getting out and opening Michael’s door.
“I want to show you something.” They met eyes and Michael nodded.
Adam moved a tree branch out of the way and made his way through the dense forest. He followed an overgrown path, checking behind him to see if Michael was following him. The trail was barely discernible from the ground, and he wondered how long it had been since anyone had walked on it.
Adam used a stepping stone to get across the stream running through, noting the lower water level than he remembered. He stayed on the edge of the riverbed, having to hold back his laughter when Michael, who wasn’t used to the terrain, tripped.
When they arrived at the tree stump that marked the final destination, Adam had to squint to find the bench he remembered. Time hadn’t been kind, years of rain rotting the wood and covering it with moss. He tested the stability before taking a seat on one side. Michael sat down next to him, futilely attempting to clean it by peeling off some of the plants.
“What is this place to you?” He said carefully, conscious of the leftover tension.
Adam traced a symbol carved into the wood. “I came here the first time I skipped school. The only time, by the way.” He smiled. “I cared too much about my grades to do that usually.”
Michael observed a beetle scuttling on the rotten backrest. “Why would you ‘skip’ then?”
“A kid was going to beat me up after school, so I played it safe and took a bus here instead of going.” He shrugged. “I mostly just walked along the river and listened to music on my iPod. It wasn’t that boring. I don’t think I missed anything important, but my mom was pretty mad. Mostly ‘cause I lied about why I did it.”
He gave Adam a weird look. “Why was the child going to do that?”
“The whole high school knowing you were gay usually wasn’t fun.”
“Human adolescents are not known for making the best decisions.” Michael paused. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”
Adam looked up at the sky. “Me too.” The sun was fully out now, but the leaves created enough shade that it didn’t make a difference. The remaining light created ornate patterns on the ground.
“About what I said earlier…” Michael splayed his fingers in front of him, watching the twisting shadows they casted. “I wasn’t trying to- I didn’t mean it like that.”
He swallowed. “How did you mean it, then?”
“I’ve been having conflicting feelings. About Heaven, and Earth, and about my choices in the past concerning the two.” He flexed his hand. “But not about you. I just…shaken up from what happened. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
Adam sighed. “Yeah. I didn’t know you would be so…”
“Delicate?”
“Susceptible to doubting yourself. You know that she probably wasn’t speaking for all of Heaven, right? Actually, she seemed like a maniacal sadist who was out of control.”
Michael shrugged. “Angels are like lemmings. As long as Kerubiel has influence over them, they’ll all be like her and follow her orders.”
“Do you want to become their leader again? Just give me a straight answer. Please.”
“It’s the right thing to do.” Adam glared at him. “But, I don’t think I want to.”
“Wait, actually?”
He looked down. “Is that not the answer you wanted to hear?”
“No, no, it is. Believe me, it is.” He hid his smile. “I’m glad.”
“What do you suppose we do now?” Said Michael. He shrugged.
“Whatever we want, I think. It’s not like anyone else knows we’re back.” Adam rested his head on Michael’s shoulder. “It would be nice to have some time to adjust. Get used to doing our thing up here. Find a comfortable rhythm.” He laughed. “For once, I think I’d like boring.”
Michael nodded. “Something away from angels and demons and other supernatural beings?”
“Present company excluded.”
He smiled. “Of course.”
Adam flicked an ant off his arm and got up. “Okay, this bench is pretty gross. I swear, it was nicer 15 years ago.” He lightly held onto Michal’s hand as he walked ahead. Vague memories of following this path when he was younger guided him onward.
“Do you know where we are anymore?” Michael asked.
“…yes?” Adam looked around. “I mean, I don’t think it’s that much farther. Maybe.” He rolled his eyes.
“See, I told you so!” He exclaimed when the trail gave way to a sizable clearing of grass and flowers. Adam fell to the ground so that his head was cushioned by weeds.
Michael carefully settled next to a coarse patch of bluebells. He plucked one of them from its stalk and placed it on Adam’s chest. He grinned and tugged on Michael’s sleeve.
“C’mon, a little dirt won’t hurt you.”
He sighed. “Fine.” Michael slowly lowered himself down. He snuck his arm under Adam’s neck.
“I’ve always wanted to own a house.”
“Really?” Adam tilted his head so they were facing each other.
“Yeah. Somewhere to go back to that’s yours. Where you can feel safe and welcome and…” Michael hunched his shoulder self consciously. “Y'know. That stuff.”
He chuckled. “Awww, the fearsome archangel wants to live in a quaint house in the woods.” Adam kissed his jaw. “I’m kidding. It would be nice to have a home together. With everything that’s going on it might take a while, but hey! Goals!”
“Why would it-“ Michael stopped. “Because of money?” He raised his eyebrows.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Flaws of human civilization and all that.” Adam exhaled slowly. “I sort of want to go back to college. I mean, that’s what I was doing before. But I don’t know. It’d be difficult.”
“So you’ve said. What would be the cost to enroll?”
He shrugged. “If I was a resident beforehand, ten, maybe twenty thousand for one semester.” Adam blinked. “You have no idea what that really means, do you?”
Michael shook his head.
“A lot of money which would take a lot of time to get.”
“It seems like our options are very limited.”
Adam kissed him again, on the lips. “We’ll start small.”
“I don’t suppose you can go back to the town you lived in before.”
“Nah. I don’t really want to, either. I think what we need is a fresh start. Preferably in a big city where no one would recognize us.”
Michael nodded. “Yes. With some nature. Do you have any preference for where?”
He hummed thoughtfully. “Maine or Minnesota. They aren’t that different. I refuse to go to the southwest. Way too dry.”
“Dryness means lack of bugs.”
“Hey, bugs are cool! Don’t tell me you think this little guy isn’t cool.” He exclaimed. Adam showed him the moth that had landed on his arm. Michael shuddered as it flapped its wings twice before flying away.
“Still gross.”
Adam groaned. “I guess they didn’t have animals up there. You're gonna have to get used to it, this place is crawling with ‘em!”
“What purpose do they serve other than to ‘freak me out?’”
“Okay, well first of all, they keep the soil healthy. Two, they pollinate plants. Three, they decompose dead things, and keep other insect populations under control. Bugs are really way more important than humans understand! They're a crucial part of every ecosystem, and-“ He paused. “I’m rambling, right?”
Michael smirked. “Yes.”
“You should’ve stopped me!” Adam covered his face with his hands and rolled over.
“No. I like listening to you talk.” Michael laid his hand on his waist where his shirt had ridden up. His cold hands were a welcome sensation, like a strong breeze. Adam shivered. Everything felt sharper now that they weren’t in Hell. He closed his eyes peacefully.
“Do you think we're…out of place?”
Michael slid his hand further onto his stomach. “What we are is certainly unorthodox, if that’s what you mean.”
“Sure. But lie, there has to have been some other angel who had a close relationship with their vessel.”
“If there was, they probably hid it from Heaven better than we did.” He said with a hint of disapproval.
“Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.” Adam grinned sheepishly.
“It’s fine. Hiding parts of yourself from others never ends well.” Michael whispered, voice low. He pulled Adam closer, so they were right up against each other.
“...yeah.” He said absentmindedly. Adam chewed on his bottom lip. “Do you think we have a chance?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like, are we really going to be able to do all this stuff without…bad stuff happening? It's not like either of us have had the best luck.”
Michael sighed. “I don't know.”
“Heaven isn’t known for not interfering with things, and they seemed pretty against us. What chance do we have that people are just going to leave us alone?”
“We have to try, Adam.”
He held his breath. “Can you just- promise me. Promise me that you won’t leave, or get coerced into rejoining the rest of the angels, or-”
“I get it. I understand where you're coming from, but…I still have a duty as archangel.”
“I need you to tell me you won’t. I don’t want to carve out a life that's just for us, only for it to be taken away because of God or Heaven.”
“You're being a little paranoid.” Michael said.
“And you're deflecting!” Adam shot back.
“...okay. I promise.”
“Thank you.”
He kissed the back of his neck. “What was she saying while I was…distracted? You seem pretty worked up by it.”
“I don’t know. Stuff about how you would leave me and that you didn’t really like me, y’know. The exact stuff that gets under my skin.”
“Kerubiel is very good at that.” Michael paused. “You know that stuff isn't true?”
“Yeah.”
“You know I love you, right?”
“Yeah.” Adam turned over and kissed him for a long time, savoring the frigid taste of his mouth. “I love you too.”