Chapter Text
I’m Lying: A ‘Memoir’ by N. Wetskanky
In the 12 years that Nathan Wesenski was active, he, and the cult he maintained, were responsible for over fifty confirmed murders, with the actual number of murders estimated to be in the hundreds. Nicknamed “The Butcher of Baltimore” by friends, colleagues, and weirdos online, Wesenski was famous for his use of butcher knives and subsequent cannibalism of his victims. Once he was arrested after the murder of his wife, Mary Hatford, Wesenski was sentenced to death at the Chicago state prison. Survived by his reformed cult members and his only child, the story of Nathan Wesenski has gripped the nation. Now, years after the death of his father, the son of the Butcher breaks his silence; in a fake and upsettingly vague account of his childhood, N. Wetskanky doesn’t tell the story of life under one of America’s most notorious murderers.
eBook: $2.99
Paperback: $12.99
Hardback: pre-order $17.99
Audiobook: see options
im illiterate @monsterreview
@n.skanky i want my 2.99 back ur book sux
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
How did you read it if you’re illiterate?
im illiterate @monsterreview
osmosis
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
fair enough.
im illiterate @monsterreview
@n.skanky retribution
[screenshot of a Venmo transaction. The text on the screen reads
You Received $2.99 from (text redacted)
sorry you osmoted that ]
redhead protag >>>> @vixenmerissa
@n.skanky i didn’t like the book either do i get my money back
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
no
redhead protag >>>> @vixenmerissa
why not????
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
because i don’t like you
im illiterate @monsterreview
so why did I get one
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
charity. maybe a free book will help you learn to read
im illiterate @monsterreview
[middle finger emoji]
I’m Lying: A ‘Memoir’ review DRAFT.dox
Last edited yesterday
Word count 18
Welcome back to Monster Reviews, where I, the monster, review. I gave I’m Lying: A ‘Memoir’ 5 stars.
Goodreads review of I’m Lying: A “Memoir” by N. Wetskanky
1 star
By BookMama35
DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK!!!! Author makes a mockery of the true crime genre. I picked up this book, supposedly by the son of the Butcher of Baltimore, expecting a genuine account of the experience of living with a notorious serial killer. Instead, the book focused more on a fake sport and unrealistic organized crime (which there is NO PROOF of Nathan Wesenski being tied to). All of the figures of the book have been fictionalized to the point of being characters, and have been given annoyingly juvenile names and personalities. (There is no way that C Deez is truly that annoying, if he is indeed real.) The Butcher himself is portrayed as childish and cruel, not at all like the charming man prisoner and warden testimony describe him to be. I am deeply disappointed with the author, and suggest he doesn’t quit his day job to take up a career of writing.
reply from nskankyreal
Honestly, this is a better endorsement of my book than I could ever give.
and also kevin is here
kevin: neil. what is this.
kevin: https://buy /imlying:amemoir/nskanky.com
french man: what
gotta go fast: i see you found my website
kevin: neil.
gotta go fast: you haven’t even read my book yet have you
french man: what
kevin: the book shouldnt exist im not going to read it
gotta go fast: you really should it ive been told it’s terrible
kevin: how did you get permission to do this?
gotta go fast: don’t worry Ichirou loves me
gotta go fast: [image sent]
The image is of Ichirou Moriyama at the 2018 met gala. He is wearing a well tailored, if unimaginative black suit with a red tie. He is not smiling, and a woman in the background appears to be backing away from him. Above his head is a drawn on speech bubble. Inside is text that reads “i love you neil.” in all lowercase. It is an image Kevin and Jean regularly receive, much to their chagrin.
french man: we’re all gonna die and it’s all because you’re an idiot
gotta go fast: well at least I’m not french
french man: well at least I’m not Kevin
gotta go fast: lol
french man: lol
kevin: hey
Reel taken from @wildswildbooks
Caption:NON-SPOILER REVIEW!! For my full review visit my youtube!
#nwetskanky #imlyingmemoir #review #bookstagram #bookreview #suportblackbuisness
Video Transcript
I’m Lying: A “Memoir” by N. Wetskanky is a must have for your bookshelf. Weird, quirky, and an absolute jaw dropping reading experience. The way the author manages to create a cohesive yet confused narration alongside a scathing review of true crime as a genre is awe-inspiring. When I got to the part where Jacques Baguette had to order MquBurger I was laughing so hard that my husband came into the room to ask what I was doing. It made me laugh, it made me cry, and I can’t wait to see what else N.Wetskanky has in store! Link in my bio to buy from black owned bookstores in your area!
Pinned Comment
[alt text id
Dan Wilds is a black woman smiling at the camera. Her hair is pulled back into a bun, and she’s wearing a bright orange wrap dress and matching bandana. The bookshelf behind her is organized by color in a rainbow. She holds a copy of I’m Lying: A “Memoir” and is using it to gesture. The book itself is a nondescript white paperback with no identifying markings other than the title on the front, in orange Papyrus font.
end alt text id]
Top Comment
@bonnie_b this book was so fucking weird. it felt so fake. i was confused the entire time lol. there’s no way that the author is telling the truth. I just wish someone told me about the level of fiction in this ‘memoir’ before i bought it
likes 345
@monsterreview reply to @bonnie_b the book is called I’m Lying are you ignorant or just dumb
likes 3,067. This comment has been liked by @wildswildbooks
and also kevin is here
french man: NEIL I THOUGHT WE HAD AN OATH
french man: [image sent]
The image is a screenshot of a page from the Kindle mobile app that reads: “This was Jacques Baguette’s first time outside the Hive in America. He was shipped to America by his Goodfella parents as soon as he came of age in exchange for a singular crisp American dollar bill, which they as French mobsters coveted over all else. (What age he “came of age” Jacques Baguette never told me. I assume it was whenever he became annoying to Mr. and Mrs. Baguette, which could have been any age.) While most exchange students, or, indeed, children, learn to be alive by being outside in the real world, Jacques Baguette had never been in the real world. His life in France before, from what I can gather, mostly involved exy and the French mob, and I was there in the pit with him for much of his time in America. So, after the Wasps fell when the Emperor died, Jacques Baguette had to learn how to be a real boy. I thought he was doing okay; after all, out of the three of us, Jacques Baguette was the only one with an accent. There’s just something about listening to a white European man that just makes you assume he has his shit together. That was until I was painfully reminded that being a white European meant nothing in the gold ol’ village of red, white, and blue. The reminder came in the form of watching Jacques Baguette, once French and newly American, order from a fast-food chain that, due to personal reasons, I’ve decided to call MquBurger.”
kevin: you bought his book?
french man: NEIL DOES A MAN’S WORD MEAN NOTHING TO YOU
gotta go fast: i didnt tell *anyone* about the time you fucked up so bad at a mcdonald’s that they called the cops i kept my word
kevin: what
french man: THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS NEIL???
gotta go fast: i never even mentioned mcdonalds in the book. clearly this is a story about a nice young jacques baguette, a completely different french guy i know
french man: that CANNOT be a large group of people
gotta go fast: you don’t know that
french man: I literally read your book
kevin: What happened?
gotta go fast: sorry kevin i cant tell you. i swore an oath
kevin: do you guys just have your own adventures without me?
french man: yeah lol
gotta go fast: you can read about them in my book
french man: NEIL
im illiterate @monsterreview
@n.skanky what is this
[ https://youtube.com/watch?/ASMR-whisper-reading-im-lying ]
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
im going to assume that you know what youtube is. that is an asmr whisper reading of my book
im illiterate @monsterreview
why is it on your website
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
is this a trick question? its my book.
im illiterate @monsterreview
its under your audiobook options
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
i know. its my website
im illiterate @monsterreview
why
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
i feel like ive already answered this
im illiterate @monsterreview
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
thats ominous lol
Kevin Day @kevinday✔
@n.skanky why do you have a video of you whispering for 8 hours on your website
[ https://youtube.com/watch?/ASMR-whisper-reading-im-lying ]
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
does this mean you finally read my book
Kevin Day @kevinday✔
no
im illiterate @monsterreview
why does your face look like that
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
that’s just how kevin looks he can’t help it
Kevin Day @kevinday✔
i wish your dad had finished the job
I’m Lying: A ‘Memoir’ review DRAFT.dox
Last edited 1 hour ago
Word count 22
Welcome back to Monster Reviews, where I, the monster, review. I gave I’m Lying: A ‘Memoir’ 5 stars. I enjoyed that it
Tumblr post by @leatherfacesfatass
“I’ve never really been in love with anything. I don’t know what it feels like, and I don’t know if I ever will and I don’t care either way. But I have been in hate before; I’m in hate with the whole world. I hate the sunrise when I run, and I hate the sport my father sold me to, and I hate my friends almost as much as I hate my enemies. It's just how you survive.
The one exception is when I watched my father die. I insisted on being there in the prison, in a front row seat. Once it happened, I had never been so scared because for the first time, and possibly the last time, in my whole pathetic life I loved another person, and it was the person holding the syringe.”
—page 348 in im lying: a ‘memoir’ (source)
#n. wetskanky #im lying: a memoir #dark academia #literature #this is a nathan wesenski hate blog before it is anything else #clown and you will be blocked #yall when i read this for the first time i cried so hard #aromantic #asexual #abuse survivor
Replies: 42 Reblogs: 1,032 Likes: 2,498
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
@kevinday✔ lol [screenshot]
The screenshot is of a cropped TLC Headline that reads: “International Sensation and Soccer Star Kevin Day Threatens Debut Author and Cult Survivor”
Kevin Day @kevinday✔
well that seems excessive
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
i suspect i know the reason why they didnt include my name in the headline #skanknation #tlcowards
Kevin Day @kevinday✔
or it could be standard journalist practices
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
im blocking you #skanknation
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
[screenshot] yesssss #skanknation
The screenshot is of the Twitter trending page. #skanknation is the third highest trending, right above Kevin Day. The related categories under #skanknation are Kevin Day and #RISE .
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
On a more serious note i think i should probably clarify that @kevinday✔ and i are really close friends and have been for a really long time and you cant get mad at him for talking to me like one
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
Although. We would be closer friends if @kevinday✔ actually read my book
Kevin Day @kevinday✔
i hate you
im illiterate @monsterreview
relatable
Kevin Day @kevinday✔
who even are you
kevin days worst nightmare @monsterreview
guess
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
Mr.@monsterreview i think you might be my favorite illiterate stranger who’s mildly obsessed with me on the internet
kevin days worst nightmare @monsterreview
im not obsessed
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
oh really?
[ 3 screenshots of Twitter notifications. It shows that @monsterreview has systematically liked every single one of n.skanky’s tweets for the past month.]
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
lol
[screenshot of @monsterreview’s twitter page. None of his tweets are visible, because @n.skanky has been blocked]
and also kevin is here
kevin: neil i think we should investigate that guy who's obsessed with you
french man: what guy
kevin: there’s a guy on twitter who reviews books who’s obsessed with neil
kevin: he liked all of his posts and he replies in like every single one of neil’s threads and i think he might have any mentions of neil on notification because he does it pretty quick
french man: do we think he’s a threat? a plant? a spy?
kevin: maybe
gotta go fast: i really don’t think so
gotta go fast: hes harmless
gotta go fast: also he blocked me
kevin: that doesn’t mean he’s not a threat
french man: i mean yeah i block you all the time
gotta go fast: ^ my point
french man: hey
kevin: i just think that its better safe than sorry
gotta go fast: ok fine
gotta go fast: ill check
kevin: what?
french man: what?
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
can someone tell @monsterreview to unblock me i gotta ask him something
dm me pics of abs@sticky_nicky
yah hang on
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
cool thanks
kevin days worst nightmare @monsterreview
@n.skanky what do you want
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
wow that was fast
kevin days worst nightmare @monsterreview
ur talking a big game for a guy who’s block button is big and shiny
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
ok fine my friends want to know if you’re a threat to my life
kevin days worst nightmare @monsterreview
i am
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
do you know where i live?
kevin days worst nightmare @monsterreview
i could
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
do you tho?
kevin days worst nightmare @monsterreview
no
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
ok cool thanks. you can block me again if you want
kevin days worst nightmare @monsterreview
i do. [middle finger emoji]
and also kevin is here
gotta go fast: see he’s harmless
gotta go fast: [image sent]
kevin: he literally says he’s a threat to your life how is that supposed to reassure me
french man: neil how are you alive
gotta go fast: he’s just some internet man we’ve all survived worse
french man: i bet ichirou is on the internet somewhere
gotta go fast: yeah but this guy isn’t ichirou
french man: how would you know
gotta go fast: me and ichie have a special bond. i would know.
gotta go fast: [image of the edited Ichirou’s 2018 Met Gala appearance sent]
kevin: we have to figure out what he knows
kevin: he has to know something i feel it
gotta go fast: hang on let me check
kevin: NEIL
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
@monsterreview have you blocked me yet
kevin days worst nightmare @monsterreview
yes
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
cool. my friends want to know what you know
kevin days worst nightmare @monsterreview
what
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
my friend says he feels like you know something
kevin days worst nightmare @monsterreview
is this friend real
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
i’d say so, yeah
kevin days worst nightmare @monsterreview
what do they think i know
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
unclear
kevin days worst nightmare @monsterreview
has anyone ever told u that ur irritating
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
yes. my friend actually.
kevin days worst nightmare @monsterreview
good
and kevin is also here
gotta go fast: [image sent]
gotta go fast: see? its fine
kevin: you are a walking headache
french man: i cant believe im saying this but im on neil’s side here
gotta go fast: thats bc im right
kevin: i just think we should be cautious!
french man: kevin!!! you cant say that!! you *know* neil doesn’t know what that means!!!
gotta go fast: hey
gotta go fast: i can be cautious
french man: neil the day you show caution is the day i know youve been replaced
gotta go fast: i was on the run a majority of my childhood! ive been cautious my whole life
kevin: yeah but you still got caught. because of a sport. that, let’s be honest, isnt really even a sport.
french man: ^
gotta go fast: fuck you guys
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
i hate all of my friends
kevin days worst nightmare @monsterreview
are these the same friends who want to know what i know
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
yes
kevin days worst nightmare @monsterreview
fuck them. i hate them too
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
you cant say that
kevin days worst nightmare @monsterreview
y
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
because im going to send my #skanknation to your location
the skanknation will fall@monsterreview
i would win that fight
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
you? against my whole #skanknation?
the skanknation will fall@monsterreview
yeah. i think i can beat all three of your fans
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
i do have to warn you one of them is french and really tall
the skanknation will fall@monsterreview
bring it
I’m Lying: A ‘Memoir’ review DRAFT.dox
Last edited 12 minutes ago
Word count 2
Fuck you
Goodreads quote :
“To my friends. I’m sorry I told the truth. And to you. I’m sorry I lied.” - N. Skanky
Tags
Memoir, Dedications, True Crime
Likes: 2,856
Quote retweet
professional arm candy @mattywild
my beautiful wife dropped a new video! Watch to see me cry over @n.skanky’s debut novel(memoir?)!!
Dan Wilds @wildswildbooks
Check out my newest video!!! There’s a hubbie cameo [side eye emoji] [side eye emoji]
https://youtube.com/watch?=I_Made_My_Husband_Read_My_March_Wrapup!/90298798
[The thumbnail is of Dan Wilds is a black woman wearing green circular earrings, a pair of overalls over a nondescript white shirt. She has her hair in twists. She is laughing and bent over. Her husband, Matt Wilds, is a black man with natural hair and a fade. He sits next to his wife and is visibly crying. He’s wearing a black button up with green stripes, the same shade as his wife’s earrings. The background has the cover of I’m Lying: a “Memoir” with black text in a speech bubble coming from Matt that says “It made me cry!”]
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
@mattywild @wildswildbooks thanks for all your support for my book. I love engaging with reviews of my book. Usually it keeps me humble, but you guys are really inflating my ego (it’s a “memoir” btw)
professional arm candy @mattywild
oh wow oh wow oh wow hi
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
hi matt. sorry i made you cry
professional arm candy @mattywild
omg its no problem mr. skanky sir feel free to do it again
Dan Wilds @wildswildbooks
i can’t believe that @n.skanky stole my husband
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
what can i say. there’s a reason that ‘skank’ is in my name
professional arm candy @mattywild
there’s a reason ‘wet’ is in the name too [side eye emoji] [water drop emoji]
Quote retweet
professional arm candy @mattywild
i’ve been bisexual the whole time and @n.skanky is hot what do you mean by this
death to the atticus spider @brotherdorkus
I can’t believe hot man and professional husband Matt Wilds is having his bisexual awakening for author N Wetskanky of all people [spiral eye emoji] [mind explode emoji]
bookish brit @manchesterman
@wildswildbooks you good with this? Some dude is taking your man
Dan Wilds @wildswildbooks
That’s his man now
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
why is my name trending with #bisexual?
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
oh
Twitter personal messages
professional arm candy
hey! we decided we needed to get into contact with you to make sure that neither of us made you uncomfortable in any way. If so, let us know and we can apologize and reroute some funding your way from our reviews of your book
Wetskanky was his real name
I wasn’t uncomfortable at all. Thank you for reaching out though. Not a lot of people do that.
Dan Wilds
It’s common courtesy, you don’t have to thank us. We just wanted to check in. Matt and I have an understanding in our relationship about commenting on others, but that doesn’t mean that we should have in such a public space
Wetskanky was his real name
No really, it’s all good. I’m not bothered by it at all.
professional arm candy
let us know if that changes at any moment.
Wetskanky was his real name
Man you guys are really nice
Private Message 12:37 pm
Matt
I don’t like how nervous he is
my darling wife
Me neither
Matt
Why is he so nervous
my darling wife
I don’t know
Matt
You don’t think that…
my darling wife
Regardless of whether or not his memoir holds more truth than we thought, he obviously still had a bad childhood.
Lets not jump to conclusions
We should befriend him regardless
Matt
You’re right as always
We deserve to have a hot and mysterious friend
my darling wife
[winking emoji]
New York Times
Organized Crime Ring on Edgar Allen Campus Goes Up in Flames
Published [seven years ago]
By Janice McCarrey
When officials arrived on the scene earlier this morning following an anonymous tip, they expected to find a hazing incident gone awry. What they actually found was much more disturbing; in the basement of the soccer stadium at Edgar Allen University was evidence of years worth of drug, weapons, and human trafficking all burnt to a crisp. Administration released an official statement claiming to not have any involvement or awareness of the ring that was found, and promised cooperation with the federal investigation the fire launched…
Sorry! You’ve used all your free articles for this month. Sign up here to read more.
Edgar Allen University@edgarallenofficial✔
Today we remember the loss of Riko Moriyama, the youngest son of the illustrious Moriyama family, who was found today seven years ago in his dorm after committing suicide. Edgar Allen University will be holding a white candle vigil on the main quad to fundraise for suicide prevention. #mentalhealthawareness #suicideprevention
[photo of Riko Moriyama, a young Japanese man, standing in front of an expensive hotel. He is wearing a white button up and pressed black slacks. His shoes are the shiniest thing about him. He is not smiling.]
Private Message 2:04 pm
Neil
How’s Kevin doing?
Jean
Exactly how you’d expect.
Neil
Drunk?
Jean
Drunk.
Neil
Do you need me to come over early?
Jean
I think I can handle Kevin. I’ve been handling Kevin before you even met us.
Neil
Let me know if you need to tap out
I mean it
I don’t want to be in this meeting
Jean
Will do lol
Unfortunately I think I’m okay
Neil
Dammit
Jean
Happy escape day Neil.
Neil
Happy escape day.
See you soon
Private Message 3:45 pm
Kevin
Wwhy’s you do it
Neil
Do what?
Kevin
You klilled hinb
Neil
Kevin what are you talking about?
Kevin
Jean wont say it but I know it was you
I know wah t you disd
Neil
Kevin are you drunk?
Kevin
no
Neil
I’m not talking to you while you’re like this
Kevin
F duck you
Private Message 3:50 pm
Neil
Get Kevin some water
I’m almost home
Jean
He’s in the bathroom right now
Neil
How long has he been in there
Jean
Not long
I’m outside the door
He’s too drunk to lock it so I’m not worried
Neil
Ok
Jean
He got to his phone didn’t he
Neil
Yeah
Jean
And I thought I did a better job hiding it
Neil
I told you you should have let me do it
Jean
The last time you did it we had to buy him a new one
Neil
But it worked
Jean
I think you need to rework your definition of ‘worked’
What did he say to you?
Neil
Oh just the usual
That he blames me for the anonymous tip
Riko’s death
Y’know. Like Riko deserved to live
Like he was more important than us. Y’know, just the people who patched him up every time.
The people who *really* loved him
But no we need to mourn Riko’s death today
And not celebrate living past eighteen
Jean
Ouch
Neil
Yeah
Jean
I’m sorry
I would say that he's drunk but that’s just an excuse
Neil
It’s okay
I know he’s just grieving or whatever
I just wish that our lives could mean more than what people did to us
Private Message 4:10 pm
Neil
Can you let me in?
Private Message 12:26 am
Jean
You didn’t have to apologize
Neil
What?
Jean
You said that you were sorry for telling the truth
In your book dedication
Neil
I’m not apologizing for what I did
I did what I had to for all of us
Jean
I know
I used to wish you would apologize for it
It felt like the end of the world
But I think I know why you won’t
I don’t think I realized how hard it was for you to do all of that
I didn’t realize how much you noticed about me and Kevin
Neil
I didn’t want you to
Jean
I’m glad I know now
I’m glad I read your book
Neil
That’s why I published it
Jean
You should have just told me instead of risking Ichirou
Neil
I didn’t know how to
I’m a once and forever liar
Jean
Now we just need to get Kevin to read it
Neil
Truly an impossible task
I’m not sure if he knows how to read
Jean
He certainly knows how to climb though
Jesus Christ I need to sleep for forever
Neil Liked this Message
Neil
Goodnight Jean
I’m Lying: A ‘Memoir’ review DRAFT.dox
Last edited 4 days ago
Word count 0
Entertainment Weekly Podcast
Interview with N. Wetskanky, Baltimore’s Most Eligible Liar
Hosted by Katlyn Ferdinand
[transcript exerpt]
Q: So, for the ladies, gents, and other beauties in our audience is there a special someone in your life?
A: I mean… There are my two cats. They’re pretty special to me. Their names are King and Sir.
Q: That’s adorable! But I meant special in the romantic sense.
A: I thought I made it pretty clear in my memoir–erm. Novel. That I’ve never really done anything like that. I don’t really “do” romance.
Q: Never?
A: Never. I’m firmly on the aromantic and asexual spectrum. Pretty gray in both areas, but… I dunno. I’m not really looking for anything.
Q: So, let’s say you were asked out on a date. Where would you go?
A: Nowhere. I’d probably say no.
Q: How cold! What about–
A: Listen, Kate-can I call you Kate?-I understand that it is your job to get a tasty scoop on the most recent up-and-coming nobody that recently made the notoriously difficult New York Times’ Best Selling list, but we both know that in a week no one will notice or care about a memoir written by someone who was lying the whole time so let’s cut to the chase. When I say I’m on the aro/ace spectrum, I mean that I am on the aro/ace spectrum . I have never done romance, and I have never been particularly interested in romance, and that is okay. So many people think that romance is a missing factor and that another person is their answer, but that’s just not true. No one is anyone’s answer. I have all I need in my life. I am not a cold person because I don’t experience attraction, and I say this with heavy air quotes Kate, in a “normal” way. I am a cold person because I had a serial killer father. I can’t predict the future so I can’t say I’ll never be interested in a relationship, but I can say I am done with this line of questioning. My personal business is my own.
Q: Oh.
A: Is there anything else?
Q: Yeah-uh-yeah. Where can our audience get your book?
A:Wherever you get any of your books really. Oh, also, if you enter “N.Skank ASMR” into youtube. Do not, and I mean do not, comment anything about my book under that video. My publishers have no idea what asmr is, and I plan to keep it that way.
Q: Oh-uh Okay! And that wraps up our interview here with N. Wetskanky, Baltimore’s most eligible liar, at Entertainment Weekly!
A: That better not be the title of this week’s epis–
[Outro Music, end excerpt]
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
You have got to be fucking kidding me
[link to: Entertainment Weekly Podcast–Baltimore’s Most Eligible Liar]
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
They didn’t even spell aroace right in their transcript :/
Quote Retweet
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
you guys can’t cancel me for idolizing serial killers my dad was literally the serial killer in question
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
when u try to fight allonormativity, but the allonormativity got hands
[image of Nathan Wesinski’s mugshot. Nathan Wesinski is glowering at the camera in murderous rage in both images, which is impressive considering that one of them is a profile shot.]
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
why are people pissed at ME for this? Entertainment Weekly did not send me questions in advance, nor did they listen to the answers I gave when I gave them [thread spool emoji]
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
I am on the aro/ace spectrum. This is not a fact that I’ve hidden from people. Anyone who had done even a little bit of research about me would be able to see it is in my TWITTER BIO [thread spool emoji]
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
Pestering anyone about their relationship when they don’t want to talk about it is not okay, but calling someone who isn’t allo cold for saying no to a date??? Are you fucking kidding me??? Next they’re going to start saying that maybe they can “fix me” or that my trauma did this to me [thread spool emoji]
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
Even if I WERE to be in a relationship, which I have no real interest in atm, my relationship wouldn’t look the way allos want it to. I will never be in a happy nuclear family allonormative relationship. Even if I COULD do that, I wouldn’t fucking want to. Fuck anybody who says otherise[thread spool emoji]
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
Last thing here. If you are in any way aro or ace or any combination of the two, I am here to tell you that you are valuable. Your relationships are valuable, and your boundaries deserve to be respected, regardless of what they are. You are allowed to be offended when people say offensive shit to you. (end [thread spool emoji])
Dan Wilds @wildswildbooks
The book community’s response to @n.skanky’s thread is honestly horrifying. Not only was @katlynferdinand✔ unprofessional by not providing questions beforehand, but made offhand remarks that anyone with working brains should be horrified by #allonormativity #EntertainmentWeekly
Dan Wilds @wildswildbooks
If you follow me and are offended by @n.skanky’s statement, frankly, I don’t want your support
I’m Lying: A ‘Memoir’ review DRAFT.dox
Last edited 2 hours ago
Word count 5
No one is anyone’s answer
Andrew’s unopened messages from the past month
Clone
What the fuck are you listening to
I can hear it from across the hall
Why are you listening to these whispers so loudly
I have a test tomorrow can you shut the fuck up
Unsaved Number
Let me know if you’re coming to dinner!
Hey! Call me when you can!
Dinner at mine 5pm [side eye emoji] [side eye emoji]
Some author on twitter wants you to unblock him. Is there something I should know?
Andrew, Aaron just told me you don’t have my number saved in your phone. Wtf?????
Roland
what r u doing tonite
or not i guess
stop writing poetry@monsterreview
New Review.
https://youtube.com/watch?=My_Most_Hated_Books_of_March /40687640037
[youtube thumbnail is of a drawn cartoon abominable snowman. The snowman is gray with black horns and red eyes. It has a deadpan look. The background is black with several romance and poetry books spanned across them.]
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
I’ve noticed that I’m not on this list
stop writing poetry@monsterreview
that’s because yours gets a whole video for everything i hated
Wetskanky was his real name @n.skanky
is that a promise?
stop writing poetry@monsterreview
it’s a prophecy
Kevin’s recent google searches
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what does it mean that my friends go to coffee without me
what does it mean that my friends go to coffee without me reddit
do my friends hate me
do i have a drinking problem
how to stop drinking
Private Message 5:34 am
Kevin
Hey
Can we talk
Neil
Who the fuck is awake at 5:30 in the morning
Kevin
Me
And you too, apparently
Neil
What’s up
Kevin
It’s about the anniversary
Of Riko’s death
Neil
Ah
Kevin
Can I call
Neil
Well its not like im doing anything else
Call Duration: 1 hour and 36 minutes
Kevin
See you at the coffee shop on 6? Foxhole?
After you get off
Neil
Yeah
See you then
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