Archive of Our Own

Mike was going to tell Will he’s in love with him.

Now, that was definitely not what he intended on doing tonight—or anytime soon, really, but the more Mike keeps it in the more he feels like he’s going to explode. 

It’s funny, really. Will was talking to Lucas, drink in his hand and waving it around as he spoke passionately about whatever it was he was talking about—his eyes lit up the entire room, there was a rosy tint painted on his cheeks and a huge smile plastered all over his face. And then it just….hit. How much love had just been building and building and building for Will all these years, and all he could think about was that he loved him and he needed to tell him—just once. Just one time, that’s all. 

It’s also graduation night, which is the first step to fresh starts, and new chapters and, unfortunately, adulthood. 

So he might as well do it now, right? This is the last secret he needs to tell before he goes off and conquers the rest of his life. The last thing he needs to do, so he can close this chapter and begin a new one—with Will by his side, preferably. And years and years of telling himself no and denying anything he’s ever felt—the only way to a fresh start is to embrace it, head on without fear holding him back.

He thinks…he hopes that Will might feel the same. Over the last few years, things have changed. They’ve gotten closer, Mike’s definitely instigated some not-so-friendly flirting on his part, and Will has seemed to take it well enough and likes it enough to reciprocate the action. Mike’s had a lot of time to think and reflect about things, discover new things, and figure things out. About Will, about himself, amongst other things. And now he’s ready to say it. All of it.

Currently, Will is sitting outside on the back porch, which isn’t that surprising to Mike. Things like this can overwhelm him, especially with the fact that this is a huge change for the entire party—Mike panics for a moment. Should he do this? What if this makes things worse for Will? What if—

No, he has to do this. 

So, with a booming heart and a quick breath, Mike walks over to where Will is sitting.

Here goes.

“Hey,” Will greets, smiling up at him as Mike comes to sit next to him on steps, he hopes Will can’t hear his heart or notices the fact that he can’t stop shaking.

“Hey,” Mike says softly, “How’s it going?” 

“Good,” Will answers, and Mike wonders if that’s the full truth. “Especially since I keep beating your ass in Mario Kart,” Will says with a teasing grin, and Mike wants to blurt ‘I love you’ right now, he bites the inside of his cheek to stop himself.

“Yeah,” Mike chuckles nervously, although his mind is the farthest from Mario Kart. He doesn’t want to talk about Mario Kart. He doesn’t really care about Mario Kart. “I still think you’re cheating by the way,” is what he says anyway, mentally yelling himself to stop stalling.

Will rolls his eyes at that. “Or maybe you just suck.”

“Okay, that’s probably true—but seriously?!” He questions, he’s surprised he can even manage a sentence with how loud his heart is beating over his racing thoughts. “First place eight times? That’s just blasphemous.”

“Accept it Mike,” Will responds, gently nudging Mike’s shoulder with his own. “I’m just a Mario Kart God.”

I love you I love you I love you

Mike scoffs playfully, “oh please.”

“I mean—you said it yourself! I got first place—my rightful position, might I add—eight times, just accept it.”

Mike rolls his eyes, “fine.” Mike pauses for a moment, and this is when he knows if he doesn’t say anything he probably never will. He shifts in his seat, nervously playing with his hands, and God he hopes this goes well. “Hey, uh…can I talk to you about something?”

“Ah, did you wanna play me again?” Will asks teasingly. “Because there’s really no point in you trying to beat me, but we can go inside, feeling kinda good tonight.”

“No, it’s just um—“ he starts softly, getting a little bit lost in Will’s eyes, dancing around them searching in hope for something that tells him Will knows what he is going to say. Any evidence that there’s a chance Will feels the same.

Come on, say it

“I’m in love with you,” and when the words finally leave his lips—a weight is lifted off his shoulder. He feels free, but still trapped. The nervousness still consumes him, because whatever Will says next will change everything.

Will’s eyes go wide, and his smile falters. Mike swallows hard, and prays to a higher power he’s not quite sure he believes that if this is going to go badly that Will can at least let him down gently and they can pretend this never happened.

“What?” Will asks, and Mike’s heart completely drops into his stomach. Will is going to reject him. Will is going to say no. But worst of all, this is going to ruin everything. Their friendship, their Party, Mike’s entire life.

Mike blinks, opening his mouth for a moment, before closing it and swallowing, unsure of what to say that won’t end in him sobbing his eyes out. “I’m really sorry if that’s…weird for you to hear or something but I just…I needed you to hear it,” Mike ends up saying, and he thinks about what tonight is, what tonight means and how this is a huge change for all of them and how this was a completely, stupid idea. “This is…probably really bad timing I know that—“

“What are you doing?” Will asks, and Mike flinches. What is he doing? Ruining everything just because…just because of some feelings? Putting everything at risk just because he felt like it?

“I mean what do you…what do you expect me to say to that?” 

And that feels like a stab in the chest, that hurts. He doesn’t…he never expected anything from Will, not when it came to this. He doesn’t really know what he wants Will to say—something, anything. A “I’m sorry, but I just don’t feel the same way.” Or a “I only see you as my best friend.” Or at least a “Can we still be friends?” But maybe Mike was being selfish with that train of thought, only thinking about what he wants and needs instead of Will.

Mike looks down at his lap, biting down on his lower lip. Don’t cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. 

He swallows his tears down, they can flow right out of his eyes later. Finally, he looks back up at Will. “I just needed you to know, once,” he says, hopefully Will knows what Mike really means. Hopefully, he knows that Mike doesn’t expect anything from him in return. Not a I’m in love with you too, not a kiss, not anything.

Hopefully he knows Mike is just tired of hiding, tired of lying.

“Well I um…” Will pauses, and Mike mentally prepares himself for the official rejection. For Will to say Mike, I am so sorry but…I just don’t feel that way about you. Or I don’t think we can be friends anymore. Or You’re my best friend, but I don’t think we can be anything more. 

“I can’t.” And there it is, the thing that single handedly shatters Mike’s world like it’s made of glass. I can’t he says, but there’s more that’s said than what comes out. I can’t, because I don’t feel the same. 

He wonders if Will can hear his heart shattering, if his heart physically aches as much as Mike’s does, if this is the worst pain Mike thinks he’s ever felt. Which is saying something, considering what has all gone down in the last six years.

“Yeah,” Mike says expectantly, looking down at his lap once more, fingers anxiously dancing against his thighs. This time, he doesn’t fight it. He lets the tears brim his eyes. He lets one fall right onto his lap.

“Mike…”

“Stop,” Mike says immediately, his own voice sounds so broken it’s almost embarrassing. He doesn’t want to look at Will just yet, afraid if he does the tears will start pouring too much to stop.

He knows what Will is going to say, and Mike can’t hear that right now. His heart aches too much, he feels sick like…like he’s going to throw up.

“Mike…listen to me, please…you…you don’t even know—“

“Don’t do that.”

“—how much our friendship and you mean to me—“

“Will,” he says softly, his voice so broken it might be mistaken for a voice crack. Finally, he looks back up at him. Will looks nervous, too. His eyes are glossy just like Mike’s and maybe…maybe this does hurt him as much as it hurts Mike. And for a split second, Mike wants to take what he said back, though it’s too late. This is too much to ever take back. “Stop. I don’t…I don’t wanna do that,” he finds himself saying.

Will blinks, “what does that mean?” He asks.

“I can’t just be your friend,” Mike says, and it leaves his mouth before he can stop himself. He—fuck, he always does this. Gets too emotional and says things he doesn’t mean, because the truth is he would take a lifetime of just being friends with Will if it meant they would be in each other’s lives forever. He’d live through boyfriends, and…and weddings, and whatever else Will wanted in the future if it meant Mike would always be his best friend.

Unfortunately for Mike, his mouth keeps running. “I…I want more. And maybe that’s selfish but I just…I can’t do this anymore, Will. I can’t.” His voice breaks for what feels like the millionth time tonight, and the tears once again form in his eyes and he is not—going to cry. Not here, and not now.

“I’m…I’m really sorry if you misinterpreted things,” Will says after a moment, and that—that may be the final breaking point for Mike. He has to leave, he thinks if he stays out here any longer he’s going to lose his damn mind. “Probably my fault.”

Mike shakes his head at that, Will didn’t do anything wrong. Mike was the one who misread everything. Mike was the one who decided on a whim to confess his feelings. Mike was the one who decided to ruin everything. “No, not your fault. No I uh…I’m sorry I misinterpreted our friendship.” 

As quickly as he can, Mike rises to his feet, wiping at his face and walking back inside the house and chooses to ignore the choked sob coming from behind him.

With blurred vision, he runs up the stairs and slams his door shut, and thanks the universe that nobody else is home.

He sits on the edge of his bed, looking at his hands. Before he finally lets it all out, sobbing so hard that his eyes begin to feel sore. “Fuck,” he says, bringing his hands up to his eyes and falling backwards onto his bed. 

How could he have been so stupid? He should’ve just stayed quiet, and he could’ve gotten over Will on his own and things would have been fine.

Who is he kidding, he could never get over Will.

He calms down after a bit, attempting to regulate his breathing and looks over to his left, and sees the painting Will had given him so many years ago. He wants to tear it down, because he can’t stand looking at it. It reminds him of everything he can’t have. He wants to keep it up forever because the words that Will attached to them makes him feel important, they make him feel worthy, they make him feel loved—

Wait.

Mike sits up, he always knew that the painting and Will’s words to go along with it always made Mike feel better than anyone or anything else, though he’d never been quite able to put his finger on it. Now it all makes sense. 

If she’s pushing you away it’s probably because she’s scared of losing you

Well I um…I can’t.

And see…the thing is, Will is his best friend. And Mike knows him more than he knows anyone. And he knows Will gets a little panicky and scared with huge changes, he knows that Will has always felt like he was undeserving or unworthy. So maybe…maybe he did feel the same way as Mike did, and maybe he just panicked and got scared.

But if Mike can prove how he feels, that everything will be okay and Mike will always be there so that things are less scary then surely everything will be fine. If Mike just proves that he really, truly does love him, then Will will have to believe him and then they’ll be happy together.

So, without a second thought, Mike opens his bedroom door and scurries down the stairs. He hopes Will hasn’t already left, but if he has then Mike will just hop in his car and go find him.

He ends up finding Will in his basement, talking on the phone. He looks up at Mike when he sees him, eyes widening a little bit at the sight.

“I have to go,” Will says into the phone, still not tearing his eyes away from Mike. “I will,” Will says quickly, before immediately hanging up. “Listen, Mike—“

Mike doesn’t let him finish that thought, because before he can stop himself, his hands are on Will’s waist and crashes his lips onto Will’s. He pours every emotion, and all of the passion and love he has for Will. He hopes this works, and that Will will get it now, just how much Mike actually loves him.

It takes a moment, but Will ends up kissing back, pouring just as much of everything into it that Mike did. His hands come up to cradle Mike’s face, gentle like he’s something precious. And everything about this feels right. Will’s lips are soft, and he can taste some of his strawberry chapstick, but most importantly they fit like they belong here, Mike never wants this moment to end. He’d do anything to stay here forever.

They finally pull away for air. And it seems their hands have minds of their own, because Will’s are trailing down from Mike’s face to his neck to his chest and landing in his own hands.

Mike can’t help the smiles that stretches on his face as he looks at their intertwined hands, God he’s wanted this for so long. And now, he can’t believe he finally has it, because if that kiss was any proof, then Will definitely feels the same. So, he was a little nervous, but that’s okay—it’s fine. In his defense, Mike just dumped that all on him, but what’s important now is that Will understands how Mike feels and Mike understands how Will feels.

It’s been…a long night to put it simply. He can’t help but let out a soft laugh. “You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that.”

“Me too,” Will says, “I think we’re just drunk.” And oh God, he totally forgot Lucas had decided to bring drinks earlier today—fuck, if Will is even slightly drunk than this is—really bad.

 “I’m not drunk. Are you drunk?”

“No.”

Mike smiles once again, and then feels a little stupid because from what he had seen Will had barely drank at all. He leans in to kiss Will again, craving the taste of his lips on his. It’s kind of crazy how addictive it is, he always thought he didn’t really like kissing when he was with El, but maybe he just didn’t like kissing her, because kissing Will feels like he’a on cloud nine.

Unfortunately, cloud nine doesn’t hold him up for very long. Will backs away, as Mike leans in, glancing up at him regretfully. “Mike…”

Mike’s face falls, and he watches as Will shakes his head ever so slightly, that if Mike wasn’t focusing all of his attention on Will he would have missed it. And then his heart shatters again, because yes, maybe Will does feel something for Mike…but that doesn’t mean he wants to be with Mike. And why should he? After the way Mike has treated him…of course Will wouldn’t want to be with him. 

All Mike has ever done is hurt him. Hurt him hurt him hurt him. All Mike has ever done is royally fuck things up and doesn’t know how to fix it, and right now he’s doing exactly that.

So why…why should Will give him a chance? How is Will supposed to trust that Mike won’t hurt him or do something stupid or fuck everything up if that’s exactly what he’s used to?

Why should Will give him a chance when there’s someone better out there for him. Someone who is everything Mike isn’t, someone who can treat Will the way he deserves.

Someone who’s not Mike.

“Okay,” Mike says softly, as if he’s coming to terms with this revelation even though that’s not even close to true. But if this is the way it ends then…Mike’s at least glad that it ended with no more secrets on Mike’s end, that he’s told Will everything he’s ever wanted to.

“See you later, Will,” he says, even if he’s not sure when exactly later is or if there will even be a later. Slowly, he kisses Will’s cheek, letting his lips linger there for a few seconds longer than necessary, soaking in the feeling of Will’s skin against his lips. He takes a few steps back, staring at their joined hands before finally letting go once they’re far enough apart. He turns away, walks up the stairs, and doesn’t look back.

It feels like he’s leaving everything behind.

Mike, decidedly, does leave everything behind.

“I want to go to New York with you,” Mike tells Nancy the next morning. Nancy came over for breakfast, and he’d asked if he could talk to her about something alone. He doesn’t know how much she knows. If she was in the car with Jonathan when he heard Will leave, if Jonathan explained the situation to her, or if she put the pieces together herself. 

He doesn’t know if he wants to know how much she knows.

Leaving…wasn’t exactly what he had intended. Mike didn’t have an exact plan of what would happen if Will turned him down. He thought maybe it’d be a little awkward, but all in all things would be okay.

But then Will said no, they kissed, and Will said no again. And that—that was crossing a point of no return. There was no coming back from this. Mike knows this.

And with the Party all going their separate ways at the end of summer anyway, he has nothing tying him here anymore—except for his mom and Holly, and in some weird way his dad too.

Objectively, he knows that he should be enjoying his last summer with his friends to the fullest and not in a completely different state. If things were different, he would stay. 

But staying means there’s Will. Staying means Mike’s heart is barely put back together just to shatter when he’s around Will. Staying means Mike is going to be reminded of what he had, what he could’ve had, and what he doesn’t have. What he destroyed.

“It’s um—only temporary,” Mike adds, just to be safe. “And I mean, I’ll pay for my plane ticket and everything…I just um, I need to not…be here,” he says, the last part quieter than the rest as he looks down at his feet. He feels the tears prick his eyes again when he thinks about last night, sitting on the back porch practically pouring his heart out and Will—

“You want to go to New York,” Nancy repeats, slowly like she’s trying to understand him or something. “Because you don’t want to be here?”

Mike swallows, blinking back his tears before looking up at Nancy, silently praying she doesn’t pick up on it. “Yes,” he tells her.

Nancy gives him a curious look, he can tell she clearly wants to pry and has about a million and one questions to ask him. He hopes that for once she’ll leave it alone, and he can explain everything to her when he doesn’t feel like his heart has been ripped from his chest. “Is…is everything okay?”

“I—“ he starts to say, and this right here is when the dam breaks, when everything comes flooding back to him, the look on Will’s face, the rejection, the initial heartache, all of it. His tears only fall harder when he realizes what exactly it is that he’s doing, running away from all of it—from Will. The realization that this is it, after he leaves, he’s not coming back. And even if he does it’s not going to be the same, not with Will at least. He’s finally done it, the final domino has fallen. He’s lost Will for good.

It feels like grief, even if Will is alive and, really, about two miles away. But Mike can’t help it anyway, because he knows what he’s grieving. He’s grieving a life he could never have. He’s grieving his friendship with Will. He’s grieving the fact that nothing is going to be the same ever again and there’s no one to blame for that but himself.

Almost immediately, Nancy rushes to wrap her arms around him, and he can’t help but lean into her comfort. It reminds him of when they were younger. He sobs into her shoulder which—is a little awkward now that he’s taller than her, but she doesn’t seem to care about that right now.

“Of course you can stay with us, as long as you want,” she says soothingly, rubbing his back. “Don’t worry about the ticket, I got it.”

She pulls away, as he desperately tries to regulate his breaths, lamely wiping at his eyes. She’s looking at him concerned, kind of like his mom in a way. “Are you sure you want to do this?” She asks.

“Yeah,” he sniffs with a nod. “I need to.”

“Okay,” Nancy says softly. “Our flight leaves tomorrow night, so you should talk to your friends. I’ll talk to Mom and Dad and get your ticket and everything.”

“Thank you Nancy,” Mike says sincerely. “Seriously I’ll—I’ll pay you back for the tickets and whatever else.”

“Sure,” Nancy says with a chuckle. “Well, I’m gonna call Jonathan and let him know. And we,” she gestures between the two of them, “will talk about this later.”

Mike’s eyes widen as Nancy leaves his bedroom. Fuck, he completely forgot about Jonathan.

Naturally, Mike waited until the last minute to tell the Party, mostly because he still wasn’t sure if he could be around Will without absolutely losing his mind. 

To save him some sort of peace, he told them to meet him by Lovers Lake just an hour before he’s supposed to leave for the airport with Nancy and Jonathan, and asked El to invite Will for him to avoid cutting his own wound deeper than he can handle.

He’d considered just writing letters to avoid seeing Will altogether, but as soon as his pen hit the paper and he started writing out Dear Will things seemed all too similar to a time all Mike did was miss Will, so he throws that idea out the window.

Mike got there about 10 minutes earlier than he was supposed to, for once in his life, pacing back and forth and going over his speech. 

I’m going to New York with Nancy for a little while. I know this is really sudden and I’m sorry but I just need to take a break from everything. I’m sorry.

He tried to tell himself that everything would be okay, that they’ll be understanding and supportive and right here when-if he decides to come back.

But still, Mike wonders what they would think they knew the true reason for his leaving. Maybe they’d think Mike was too embarrassed to ever come around ever again, which is partially true because Mike is pathetic like that. Or maybe they would think Mike is a coward who can’t handle dealing with the repercussions for his own stupid decisions, which is worse, but also the truth.

Because Mike is a coward.

Mike was brave for a total of about half an hour, maybe, two nights ago, when he stopped running away from the truth.

Now, he’s running away again.

I’m going to New York with Nancy for a little while. I know this is really sudden and I’m sorry but I just need to take a break from everything. I’m sorry.

I’m going to New York with Nancy for a little while. I know this is really sudden and I’m sorry but I just need to take a break from everything. I’m sorry.

I’m going to New York with Nancy for a little while. I know this is really sudden and I’m—

That speech doesn’t end up leaving his lips. It’s pathetic the way it happens. Everyone arrives in a group, and Mike panics. Especially when his eyes land on Will, and Mike feels like he can’t breathe all over again. His heart bursts with so much love but still crumbles, he wants nothing more than to hug him and kiss him but also maybe stay as far away as possible. He wants him to break Mike’s heart again if that’s what he chooses to do with it, after all it’s never belonged to anyone else anyway. And then he wants Will to fix it right back up.

“I’m going back to New York with Nancy for a little while,” he ends up blurting, leaving room for no one to say hi’s or hello’s or how are you’s or anything, mostly because Mike knows if he lingers around them for too long he won’t go at all. He knows that if Will says anything to him Mike will fall right back to square one and he’ll stay, cling onto Will hopeless and pathetic in the way it always has been.

He tries to keep his eyes off of Will, instead focusing on his friends wide eyes and agape mouths. Questions burning on the tip of their tongue. “I just…I need to figure some stuff out, I don’t know when I’ll be back, but I can’t stay here.”

He still doesn’t look at Will, and responds to the questions of What happened? And Is everything okay? nothings and yeah I’m okays But even though his eyes stray away from Will, his ears don’t. And all he can focus on is his silence.

Mike doesn’t tell them he leaves in an hour, though he supposed Will and El already know. He doesn’t really give them a chance to say goodbye or anything, because as soon as the purpose of this meeting is over he hops on his bike and leaves.

He doesn’t give any of them a proper goodbye, even if he might not see them again until the holidays. They probably won’t want to talk to him when they find out, anyway. How he’s slowly tearing the Party, again. 

He and Jonathan don’t speak to each other, not on the ride to the airport, not on the ride to the plane, and certainly not when they get to Nancy and Jonathan’s place.

Earlier he wondered if the Party would think he was a coward, he knows for a fact that Jonathan does. Mike can’t even be mad, Jonathan’s probably hated Mike for a long time, and for good reason too. And of course when Mike thinks that maybe, just maybe he could get his best friend’s brother to not hate his guts anymore—he goes and fucks it up, it seems that’s all he’s good at.

Mike begrudgingly follows Nancy into the living room, where she takes a seat on the couch and also Mike’s new bed patiently. He sets his bags down, and goes to sit next to her like a child in trouble waiting to get scolded by their parents.

She waits a few more moments, listening for Jonathan as he walks down the hall and closes the door to their bedroom. She looks at Mike, he swallows. “So,” she starts, “are you ready to talk about it?”

“Didn’t Jonathan already tell you?” He mumbles, a part of him secretly hoping that the answer is yes so he doesn’t have to redrown in this heartbreak like he’s been doing since it’s first crack.

“No,” Nancy says, he can tell she means it. “I mean I figured something was up when he went to pick up Will but…he wouldn’t say a thing when I asked.”

“I’m honestly surprised he agreed to let me stay here.”

“He doesn’t hate you, Mike.”

Mike scoffs. “Well, he definitely does now.” He pauses for a moment. “I…fucked up. Like really bad.”

Nancy nods comfortingly, “well….I’m sure you can fix it, right? Whatever happened I know you two can get thro—“

 “No, no I can’t fix it—there’s no way I…,” he pauses once more, letting out another breath and shifting his gaze to his lap. Fuck, he’s such a goddamn idiot. This was stupid. Pouring his heart out to the person he loves and leaving immediately, sitting on his own brother’s couch…this is a whole new level of pathetic.

“It’s okay,” Nancy says softly, reassuringly like she did when they were younger. “It’s just us.”

Mike wrings his hands, building up the courage to tell Nancy how much of a stupid, horrible friend he is. And if this goes bad…then, well, he guesses he’ll have to pack his bags again and go stay with Steve, Robin and Vickie in their apartment in Chicago which—is probably his last resort. “I told Will I loved him, twice….and he said no, twice, so,” he says. “It was my own stupid fault I mean…it was horrible timing and I probably could have done it better,” he feels the tears stinging his eyes again, as if he hasn’t cried enough about this already. 

“So I ran away, I guess. And now my friends are probably going to hate me and—“ he screws his eyes shut, because he’s cried quite enough about this whole situation. “I really don’t know what to do Nancy, I…I can’t fix this. He probably doesn’t….” He trails, not sure how he wants to end his sentence. Not sure if actually admitting that Will doesn’t want to see him at best and doesn’t want Mike in his life anymore at all at worst will break him all over again. He doesn’t want to take that risk.

“Oh,” Nancy breathes. “Mike…I’m so sorry…”

Mike shakes his head. “No, no it’s…it’s my fault,” he bites his lip hard enough to draw blood. “I don’t know why I thought he would….not after everything.”

Nancy is silent for a moment, the only sound that they can hear is Mike’s sniffles. She sighs. “Look, I’m not sure how this is going to work out for you guys,” she says honestly, “but I know that you and Will are best friends above anything else. And…he does care about you, Mike. So…he’s not going to let this change anything.”

Mike…listen to me, please…you…you don’t even know how much our friendship and you mean to me

“I know that,” Mike says, and it comes out a little meaner than he intended. “But I told him I can’t do that,” he says, quieter. That part was maybe his biggest regret—because while it was somewhat true, it was also a huge fat lie. He would take Will in any way that he good, but he was so hurt by Will’s rejection that in turn he’d rejected Will right back and lost everything.

“Well, maybe—“

“Can you please leave me alone?” Mike snaps, tears burning his eyes. This is too much, it’s all too much and he can’t deal with it. “You have no idea what it’s like to lose your best friend, you have no idea what I’m going through,” Mike says, and he regrets it as soon as he says it. Because Nancy flinches, and he can see the anger and hurt mixing in her eyes, and her jaw clenches, and Mike remembers years ago, when Will came back and Barb didn’t.

“Wait, Nancy, I didn’t—“

“Goodnight, Mike,” she says, and storms off to her and Jonathan’s room. 

Mike wakes up to a plastic wrapped treat thrown at his head. Which—is not the ideal way to wake up, not that Mike had gotten much sleep anyway. He’d spent the better half of his night trying to get comfortable, his long limbs not exactly fitting on his sister’s couch, and there wasn’t much room to toss and turn and spread out. The worse half was spent in silence, listening to the low buzz of the fridge in the kitchen and thinking about Will, about what they’d said.

Mike groans as he sits up, and picks up the Hostess Apple Pie that was so rudely thrown at him, and then looks at Nancy, who is staring at him expectantly. “Get up, and eat that,” she says, all bossy like she usually is. “We’re going out in an hour.”

“Do we have to?” Mike whines.

“Yes,” she replies with an eye roll. “I don’t want you sulking on my couch the entire time you’re here.”

Mike begrudgingly opens the package of Apple Pie, and takes a bite of it. “All I’ve done so far is sleep.”

“Yeah, I know,” she says evenly, walking into the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. “But I know you, and I know that when I go back to work tomorrow you’re just going to sit here all by yourself and drown in your own sadness.”

“Well, it’s not like I have much else to do,” Mike grumbles.

Nancy either ignores him or doesn’t hear him at all. “One hour,” is all she says before retreating back to her own room.

Mike sighs, and decides that he doesn’t want to finish the Apple Pie he only took two bites out of, he’ll finish it later. He’s not hungry.

As it turns out, he actually feels a little sick. One night in New York City and he still feels exactly the same as when he left—and a little more exhausted too.

Was this even a good idea? Was leaving the right thing to do? Because on the one hand, he doesn’t feel any better, he thought being here away from Will would be a good thing, just for a bit. Maybe space would help them both be able to properly handle all of this—but honestly? Mike just finds himself missing Will more. 

He hasn’t left his mind—ever, really. He’s been at the forefront of Mike’s mind for a long time but now it’s just…all consuming in the way that Mike doesn’t know how to explain. He wants Will here, but at the same time he thinks if he was near him Mike might explode. He wants to see him but knows if he does he might lose his mind a little bit. He wants to talk to him, to tell him all of this because who else would understand? But he can’t talk to Will about all this.

The ache of that night still lingers, like a broken bone or an open wound. It’s caustic, really. 

It's funny how Mike can never get these things right. Years ago, he didn’t tell El he loved her. Years ago, he lied to her about why. Now, he told Will he was in love with him. Now, he told the truth. 

And things still managed to crumble right in front of his eyes.

The universe has a cruel way of karma, or maybe it’s just Mike. Mike, who maybe just isn’t worth the fight. Mike, who ruins everything he touches, turning gold into stone. 

Finally, Mike decides to get up. Making up the couch as best as he can, and rummaging through his bag to find something to wear—and he’s now realizing that his options are limited. He had been in such a rush to just go that he grabbed whatever he could find and shoved into his bag.

Finally, he finds something decent and grabs some shower stuff too, and heads to the bathroom. Right as he gets there, though, Jonathan swings the door open, and blinks as he sees Mike. Wordlessly, he gives him a tight lined smile and steps out of his way.

He and Jonathan haven’t really spoken since Mike got here, he’s not exactly sure what he’d even say. He definitely knows that Jonathan wasn’t a hundred percent on board with Mike staying here, but he’s not sure on where he stands on the reason why. 

If he had to guess, he would say that Jonathan most likely feels the same way as Will, maybe a little angrier. He probably thinks that it’s ridiculous for Mike to just tell Will he loves him, now, especially after everything in their past. Probably thinks Will could find someone better, thinks Will deserves a better best friend that won’t throw away a thirteen year old friendship because he decided to say something too late.

Mike’s an idiot.

He eventually is out with Nancy, after showering and getting ready and makes them ten minutes off schedule, and gets a light scolding about it. Which is ridiculous because it’s not like they have to be wherever they’re going at a certain time, and Nancy doesn’t have work today anyway. But anyway—as soon as they’re out, and like, actually doing things Mike wants to go. The city is too loud, too busy, way too crowded—it’s a lot, which doesn’t help with taking the load off of Mike’s already full mental plate. 

“I’m sorry about um—last night,” Mike says, and Nancy raises her eyebrows at him. “What I said, it was totally out of line and I’m sorry. I mean—you’ve done, you’re doing so much for me, and I shouldn’t have said that at all. I’m really sorry, Nance.”

“I know you are Mike,” she says softly. “Thank you.”

“Thank you,” Mike says. “Seriously I—I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Nobody does,” she smirks, and like always, she’s right. He looks down at his plate of mostly untouched side salad that Nancy made him get, because he’s her responsibility until further notice and toys with it mindlessly. 

“Are you gonna call him?” She asks after a beat.

Mike glances up from his untouched plate, and sets his fork down before looking up at her fully. “No,” Mike says quietly. “At least not…not right now. I don’t know,” he mumbles the last part. He knows he should call Will, he knows he should want to call Will, but it’s only been two days since he kind of poured his heart out and he’s still not ready to clean up the mess.

She nods. “I get that,” she smiles weakly. “Are you going to call anyone?”

“Mom, so she doesn’t freak out,” he jokes, and makes a mental note to call her when he gets back to  Nancy’s place so she doesn’t worry herself to death. “But other than her, Lucas probably? I’m not sure.” Lucas is probably Mike’s best bet right now—Will is obviously out of the question, El probably isn’t the best idea, Max is going to berate him and ask ten million questions, and so will Dustin, except knowing him he’ll probably somehow let something spill that he wasn’t supposed to. So, Lucas is probably his top choice—at the very least, he knows when not to push and probably is the most level-headed about this whole thing.

Nancy gives him a look of pity. He wishes she didn’t. “You know nobody’s mad at you for doing this, right?”

“They don’t know why though,” Mike presses, a little bit loudly. “If they knew then they’d—“

“If they’re really your friends, then they’d understand,” she says, like a perfectly reasonable person. And he knows, deep down, that she’s right. He knows she is—but he can’t shake the thought. The thought of all of them hating him for ruining the only good thing they could cling onto for so long, how first he ruined it with El and now Will, how their leader is just a coward who runs and runs and runs.

“So, what’s your plan here then? Are you just not gonna talk to them again or what?” Nancy asks.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” Mike sighs, biting his lip in thought. “I know that I owe them an explanation, but…I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say, not to mention I don’t know what they’ll say so….maybe I’ll just…figure something else out, start over.” 

“Start over?”

Mike shrugs. Maybe he doesn’t mean this. Maybe he’s just talking, because his heart isn’t all the way in it. He’s not fully ready to leave his whole life behind for good, but at the same time going home just feels….weird. “Well, you know I—I mean I guess I could stay here—if that’s okay with you, I could get a job, take some community college courses, hopefully get my own place and…and then who knows.”

“Mike, you can’t be serious,” Nancy says with a laugh of disbelief. “You’re just hurting, Mike. I’m sure you won’t feel this way in a few months.”

“I don’t—I mean it’s not like I have anything keeping me tied back home besides Mom and Holly. This whole thing is going to blow up in my face eventually, not to mention I can’t go to college with Will—that’s just going to hurt too much, and I know he won’t want to do that either and I already left so it would be easier to just stay and let everyone move on.” He finishes now staring at his lap, and he can feel his throat getting tighter, and the tears swimming in his eyes, again.

“Look, you’re just not thinking straight right now. I promise. I mean, think about what you’re saying. You really want to leave your whole life behind?” He forces himself to look at Nancy, who’s looking back at him wide-eyed. Like she absolutely cannot believe what she’s hearing—he can’t blame her. He would have never even entertained this thought a few days ago, being separated from his life just felt so scary and awful but what choice does he have now? Hasn’t he ruined enough? Surely it would just be better off for everyone, right?

But maybe Nancy is right. Because what is Mike doing? Sitting in the middle of a cafe in New York City, on the verge of crying because his best friend doesn’t love him back and his friends probably hate him and he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do now. “I mean, it’s—it’s just, I don’t know. I—“ he stammers, desperately trying to swallow his sobs, he can’t do this. Not here and not now he can’t—

Nancy grabs his hand which doesn’t help in the slightest. “None of those things are true, Mike. Will cares about you so much, I’ve seen it. He’s not going to just stop because you have some feelings. And your friends accepted Will, right? So why should you be any different? And Jonathan—I’ll have him talk to you later, but I can tell you he doesn’t hate you. And if he has a problem with you being here, then I’ll kick him out and make him move in with Argyle down the hall.”

Mike nods, even though he’s not quite sure if he believes any of that. But he’s had about enough of today—he’s not sure how he’s supposed to move on from this. This kind of pain is worse than he’s ever felt, all encompassing. He doesn’t want to be here. He wants to be with Will, he wants Will to hold him and tell him everything will be okay—no, he wants to be with Will playing video games or, or just hanging out doing whatever, he wants Will to be smiling and happy and laughing. And he hates that he can’t do that—because he’d ruined it all, twice. And he’s not sure if he can ever fix it. “I’m sorry,” Mike croaks, taking his hand out of Nancy’s, and burying his face in them, lets hot tears soak the palms of his hands.

In a second Nancy is at his side, wrapping her arms around him and rubbing his back soothingly, and whispering that it will be okay.

He doesn’t know if he can believe that.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. It was nobody’s fault!”

“Exactly! So why are you being so weird about Mike staying here?”

“It’s just—I don’t know! You know? I mean Will is my brother and he’s hurting—“

“And you don’t think Mike is hurting? Will’s the one who rejected him!”

“That’s not fair—you don’t know how badly Mike has hurt Will in the past. Will doesn’t owe him anything.”

“And I’m not saying that he does! If Will truly doesn’t feel the same way then it’s fine, but what do you expect Mike to do?”

“Look, I don’t know—“

Mike decides he’s heard enough. Ever since the other day in the cafe Nancy and Jonathan have been arguing a lot more, mostly about Mike. It’s been abundantly clear that Jonathan isn’t thrilled with Mike’s staying here but tolerates it just enough—but also has a big enough problem with it to argue with Nancy about it.

Jesus, Mike can’t do shit right, of course he’d cause problems between his sister and her boyfriend.

Mike grunts, and throws himself onto the couch, staring blankly at the tv. His little outburst at the cafe seemed to make things worse for Mike as well.

He’d ended up calling his mom to let her know he is in fact okay, and got scolded for not doing so the second he got off the plane. 

Then he hesitantly dialed Lucas' number, and to no surprise Lucas had a bunch of questions and Mike answered them best he could. He’d basically just told him vaguely what happened—except he’d left out the it was Will part. 

He wanted to ask how Will was doing, the selfish part of him he liked to keep hidden wanted to know if Will was hurting as bad as Mike was. He wanted to know if Will regretted it. But the better part of him just wanted to know anything. What he did recently, how he was feeling, if he missed Mike at all—

He didn’t, though. As much as he wanted to hear about all of it, he’s not sure if he could take it. Because if Will was hurting Mike knows he would resolve immediately, and if it was the opposite—Mike can’t take that.

The door to Jonathan and Nancy’s room swings open, and Nancy storms out angrily. He hears the sounds of keys jingling, Nancy grumbling I’ll be back and the slam of the front door.

God, this is all Mike’s fault. Everything is falling apart and it’s in his hands. Maybe he shouldn’t have left at all, maybe he should have never said anything at all.

Will would know what to say about all this, funnily enough, he’s the problem.

It’s a little bit pathetic, how much he misses Will. So much that it hurts. Misses his laugh, his smile, his hair, his voice, his everything—that it aches in his chest, right above his heart. It’s impossible not to miss him, though. How can Mike not, when Will is consuming his every thought. 

There’s no way Mike can get over this, there’s no way Mike can move on from this. He’s not even sure if he wants to because who could take Will’s place?

Jonathan eventually comes out of his room, softly shutting the door behind him and treads to sit at the end of the couch where Mike’s long limbs do not occupy. “I don’t hate you Mike,” is what he starts with, which—is a great start to this conversation. “And I’m not mad at you, and I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. I know I haven’t exactly been the kindest lately…but I hope you know that you’re always welcome here.” He adds.

Mike blinks, and doesn’t say anything. He’s not sure what he’s supposed to say. Because it feels like Jonathan has every right to be acting the way he is, of course he would want to take Will’s side and defend him, and Mike can’t even be mad at that. What Mike did was—

Jonathan sighs. “I…know what you’re going through, and I guess I should’ve been more helpful, but it’s just—complicated, I guess.” He says, and Mike still doesn’t answer. He thinks of Will—who didn’t say he loved Mike back but also didn’t say that he didn’t. Who, either way, still told him no. Who, either way, still didn’t want him, wanted someone better, someone who was everything that Mike couldn’t offer.

Jonathan must’ve waited for Mike to say something, so when he doesn’t, he continues. “Nancy was with Steve and I just couldn’t take it. I mean…I lost it Mike. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t focus on anything…and weird stuff like food…it had no taste. It was awful,” Mike squeezes his eyes shut, because all of that is so painstakingly true—he couldn’t take it so he opened his mouth and told Will ‘I’m in love with you.’ He hasn’t slept because every time he falls asleep he dreams about Will, reliving the same night over and over and over again or worse, he dreams of a universe where Will said ‘I’m in love with you, too.’ He can’t eat because he’s so scared if he does he’ll get sick. It is awful but he doesn’t know how to stop it, he can’t stop it. “And that’s something that I wouldn’t wish on anybody, and that includes you.”

Mike sucks in a breath, finally gaining enough strength and energy to shift so he can glance up at Jonathan. “Listen Mike, Will thinks he’s doing the right thing, pushing you away…but I know that he’s also really hurting. And…and that isn’t your fault, okay? But when you’re ready and feeling more like yourself again, I think you two should work it out, like you always do.”

Mike wishes it could be that easy, but it isn’t. He lays back down.

“Just…just don’t be so hard on yourself, okay? You were honest with him, and that’s the best thing you can be.” He says, and Mike remembers how hard he had hidden himself away, how he had lied to everyone and himself about who he was. But now Mike had told the truth, and now he’s paying the price.

Jonathan sighs, and Mike reels the dip of the couch disappearing, hears soft footsteps getting farther and farther away. 

“Hey Jonathan?” Mike asks.

“Yeah?” Jonathan responds, stopping in his tracks and turning towards Mike.

“Were you ever going to talk to me about marrying my sister?” He says, and lightly smirks at the way Jonathan’s eyes widen and the brightening of his cheeks.

Mike leans over and opens the drawer of the side table and pulls out a ring catalog, before merely tossing it and watching as Jonathan scrambles to catch it. “Next time, don’t hide that so obviously. You’re welcome, by the way.”

“I’ll—be right back,” he rushes out quickly, and runs out the front door to what he assumes is Argyle’s apartment.

“—and I was like ‘it’s a car that runs on water man!’” Argyle says, and seriously Mike’s about to explode. Nancy and Jonathan are both working still, and Argyle had stopped by earlier. He said it was because ‘little Wheeler needs some cheering up man!’ Which couldn’t be farther from the truth, but anyway Mike believes that Nancy had called him over to babysit even though Mike is eighteen years old and if anything Argyle was the one who needed babysitting.

“I know,” Mike replies. “You’ve said that eight times already.”

“An octocar,” he says in amusement, “now that would be awesome.”

Mike throws his head back against the couch, “is there any real reason you’re here right now? Like did Nancy tell you to spy on me or something?”

“I’m a spy? And Nancy works for the government? Then what was the point of driving in that van for four days, man.”

“Argyle,” Mike says. “You don’t have to stay here.”

“Okay, honestly I was a little bit bored and wanted company, and I wasn’t going to say anything but I think it’s time to address the elephant in the room,” he responds, and throws an arm around Mike’s shoulders. “I was really rooting for you and Little Byers, man. I mean the love was real! The chemistry between you two was crazy when we were on the run and shit. But now you guys are broken up and it’s like—love’s dead man! So I was hoping I could help you guys work it out.”

“We didn’t break up.”

“You didn’t?” Argyle asked, shocked. “So then what are you doing here?” 

“Me and Will were never—we weren’t together, but I told him how I felt and he didn’t feel the same, so.” Mike says, and God he can’t believe he’s confiding in Argyle of all people but, lately too many wrences have been thrown into his plans. 

“Really? That sucks, man,” he says. “Maybe some Purple Palm Tree delight might help you.” Mike sighs, but unfortunately that might be the first thing Argyle has said since he got here that Mike can get behind.

“Maybe,” he says quietly.

“Radical,” he nods. “I have to stop at the store too so I might be gone awhile.”

“Fine by me,” Mike says with a smile, and watches as Argyle stands and leaves the apartment. Mike lets out a sigh of relief and is ready to enjoy some peace and quiet. 

His silence is almost immediately disrupted by the phone ringing. Mike trudges over to the phone, and really hopes it’s nobody important and he can hang up immediately.

“Hello?” Mike says into the phone, there’s a beat of silence on the other line, and Mike almost rolls his eyes and hangs up but then—

“Uh…hey,” the other line says, and Mike freezes, almost dropping the phone entirely. He hadn’t expected to hear from Will at all—especially in a phone call since they didn’t have an exactly great track record with long distance communication. He would’ve been surprised if he’d even got a letter. 

“Oh my god,” Mike says stupidly, and mentally cringes at the response.

“Hi,” Will says again, and Mike is mad. At himself, mostly, because he wants to be mad at Will. He wants to tell Will that this is too soon, this is too much. He wants to know what made him think that breaking his heart like that and calling him like everything is fine us okay. He wants to hang up the phone entirely. 

He wants to tell Will how badly he’s hurting and how much he misses him. He wants to tell him that he’s sorry he left and he’s a mess and they can both forget this ever happened. He desperately wants to know what Will has to say to him.

Mike has some self control left and doesn’t speak any of that out loud. 

“Hi,” Mike says, and anxiously picks at his nails. His mind goes to Jonathan, and Mike instantly feels like an idiot. Of course that’s why Will would call, why would he even want to talk to Mike. “Did you want Jonathan? ‘Cause he’s at work right now but I can leave a message—“

“No,” Will says before Mike can even finish his sentence. 

“Oh,” Mike blinks. He can’t really think m

of a reason that Will would be calling him right now. At least, not a good one. Maybe he has some of his own things to say. Maybe he wants to wonder why the fuck he did what he did. Maybe he wants answers. 

“Then, um…is everything okay?” Mike asks nervously, and thinks of all the things Will could say. ‘No of course not, what’s wrong with you?’ Or ‘how could you do that?’ Or ‘what were you thinking?’ 

“Yeah, ‘course,” Will says instead, easily like everything is going great. Mike isn’t sure if that’s good or bad. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I just didn’t…I didn’t think you’d call, that’s all,” Mike says. He hates everything about this conversation because it doesn’t feel like them. It’s weird and awkward and truthfully, a little bit painful—at least on his part.

“Oh,” Will says. “Well I just…I wanted to see how you’re doing, um—if you don’t want to talk to me you don’t have to, I get it. I…I really wasn’t expecting you to pick up.”

“No! No I um…I wanna talk to you,” Mike reassures quickly, and is immediately embarrassed by how easily he lets his resolve fade with Will, despite how hurt he might be. And that makes him angry, too. That even though Will has caused him so much pain and heartache, Mike can easily forget it all in a second when he hears Will speak. It’s not fair. “I’m—I’m doing okay,” which may be the biggest lie he’d ever told.

There’s a beat of silence.

“So—“

“So how are—oh sorry—“

“No, no it’s…it’s fine. Everything is kind of the same here, I guess,” he says, then almost immediately corrects himself, “Everyone’s…it’s a little different with you know—and everyone leaving soon. Um, what time is it there?”

“What time is it here?” Mike repeats, smiling a little bit. And curse that stupid lovable Will Byers charm that manages to affect Mike even in the tiniest moments. What time is it there? He’s so cute, and Mike is mad. What time is it there? Mike isn’t in the same place as Will. What time is it there? And it feels like Will is in California all over again. “Well I’m only an hour ahead of you, so it’s about six.”

“Oh. Right!” Will says, “of course yeah!”

“How far away did you think we were?” Mike asks, mostly joking. He’s not sure if he wants an actual answer. 

“I don’t know…felt far.”

“Yeah,” Mike says, and all two seconds of light-heartedness are gone and replaced with the ache that’s been present for days. But it’s true—nonetheless, ever since Mike uttered the words ‘I’m in love with you’ and Will had said no, the distance between them has grown and grown, what started off as what felt like miles now feels like light years. 

It’s pathetic, and embarrassing the way he misses Will so much that it hurts just as bad as the reason he left. The way he wants to hang up the phone and come back to him. To drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness for saying what he did, begging to still be friends and Mike will get over it in time. The way he’d let Will break his heart over and over again if that was the only thing Will could give him. He would take all of it.

“Um, are you—you’re not gonna, like, switch dorms are you?”  Will asks, and Mike feels his heart sink because oh.

That’s why Will called, of course he wouldn’t want to stay with Mike now. That….that makes sense. Mike understands, but he wishes Will would have waited just a little bit until the wound had at least stopped stinging.

“I hadn’t thought about it,” Mike says, biting the inside of his cheek to stop himself from letting the cry that sits in his throat rise to his mouth. Truthfully, he’d tossed around the idea here and there but it was mostly a thought in the back of his mind. He figured he’d worry more about that when it was closer. “Do you want me to?” He asks, and he braces himself for the answer—because Mike can’t entirely blame him for wanting to switch out. 

“No,”  Will says immediately, and Mike raises his eyebrows. “Or—um, you should do what you want.”

“Oh um…I’ll…I’ll think about it,” Mike says, and selfishly—he wants to keep Will around. Unselfishly he knows he shouldn’t, it’s the entire reason he’s here right now. He doesn’t want to let Will go for real. He wants to take a step back and move on. He wants to indulge in the feeling of waking up to Will and living together as much as he can while it lasts. He doesn’t want to live with the fact he can’t have that in the way he wants. He wants Will close. He wants to stay far away to protect his own heart. 

Then they start actually talking, and Mike can pretend it’s normal. That they’re just two friends talking and all that other stuff didn’t happen. Two friends catching up with each other.

Neither of them has been up to anything particularly exciting, he tells Will that he found out Jonathan is planning to propose and he should definitely talk to him about that—because it was a little rude he didn’t at least talk to Mike. 

And then Will tells him about how Dustin was cat-sitting for his mom and how he lost it, so he hauled his friends out of their houses and made them spend the whole day looking just to find it hiding in the house. Mike wishes he was there for that—just thinking about Dustin’s reaction makes him laugh.

They continue to talk about whatever, and it’s fine. It feels normal, but it doesn’t take that long before Mike snaps back into reality. “You’re gonna have to DM a damn good game Will,” Mike says, he was a little bit disappointed when Will told him the party had put DnD on the backburner. 

“Oh okay,” Will says, a little bit distantly. 

Mike furrows his brow. “Will?” He asks, “Will? You there? Will?”

“Bye!” Will says, more into the phone this time and it feels like a gut punch. 

“Oh,” Mike says, the realization of what this really is.

What this really is: An awkward conversation with someone who doesn’t love him back. Will calling to check up on him because that’s just who Will is, and it doesn’t change what happened. Mike is in New York, Will is in Hawkins. Mike left. Will stayed. 

“Wait no I was just—“ Will starts to say, but maybe it’s a good idea to stop talking now before things go the opposite again. Besides, Argyle will probably be back soon and begin his nightly smoke session with Jonathan and Nancy, and maybe Mike too. Lord knows he might need it.

“No, no I should probably get going. Nancy wants to take me to this restaurant—“ he says, whis is kind of a lie but a bit of the truth as well. Nancy had wanted an excuse to go there and Mike is the perfect one. 

“Oh yeah, for sure! I should probably get going to—“

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“you should come back home soon—I miss you,” Will says, and Mike sucks in a breath. I miss you replaying in his brain. Will misses him Will misses him Will misses him and it should be great to hear but instead it just hurts, and Mike is mad all over again. It’s not fair that Will can just say that without any feelings attached. It’s not fair that Will misses him in a different way that Mike misses him.

“Yeah…maybe,” Mike says, and he can’t bring himself to say he misses Will too no matter how much he does. He misses him like crazy. He misses him so much it hurts. He misses him so much that sometimes he doesn’t even know why he left in the first place. But then he remembers and that’s why he can’t say it, it might hurt more than just thinking it. To admit out loud that he misses him even though he broke his heart.

So he doesn’t know if he should go home, because it’s not really Hawkins himself and his house that he’s worried about, it’s Will. It’s Will who feels like home and Mike isn’t even sure if he’s allowed to say that anymore. Mike’s not sure what ‘coming home’ would even mean anymore. 

“Bye Will,” he says, quieter this time.

“Bye Mike,” Will says back.

Mike swallows and hangs up the phone, leaning his head against it and letting out a sigh. He can’t do this—he’s so angry. At himself for pouring his heart out and leaving. At Will for making it almost impossible to be mad at him—how ironic—at Nancy for saying that this was something to be fixed. At Jonathan for telling him that he should talk to Will. He’s just angry at everything and everyone. None of this is fair and he’s so mad that he isn’t even really mad at Will—not in the slightest even though he should be. 

He should be furious that Will made him think that there was a shot he felt the same. He should be furious that Will broke his heart. He should be furious that he called him like nothing happened.

Instead he’s furious at himself for looking too deep into things. Instead he’s furious that he said anything at all and ruined the best thing he’s ever had. Instead he’s furious at himself for not being able to keep his best friend his best friend.

“—runs on water man!” Argyle says as the door opens, and Mike doesn’t bother to look.

“That’s great buddy,” Jonathan replies with sarcasm—Nancy and Jonathan must’ve gotten home the same time Argyle got back and walked up together. Not that it matters, it just means there are more people to bother him.

“Mike,” Nancy says, and he hears her keys jingle against the side table. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Mike grumbles. 

“Don’t worry brochacho I got you,” Argyle says. “Purple Palm Tree Delight is always the solution.” 

“You aren’t giving my brother weed—“

“He asked for it—“

“I don’t care—“

“Argyle and I were the same age when we started—“

“Who’s side are you on—“

“Yours, sweetheart, always yours—“

Mike grunts, he doesn’t care about Purple Palm Tree Delight or Nancy’s vetoing or Jonathan’s neutral stance. He’s angry and it’s so fucking loud and he just wants everyone to stop talking. He stomps down the hallway and slams the door to the bathroom shut, locking himself in. Curling himself into a ball on the floor and burying his face into his knees. 

I can’t 

I’m really sorry if you misinterpreted things

Mike…

You should come home.

I miss you.

So fucking unfair.

“Will called,” Mike says, and it immediately gets quiet. Nancy stops drinking her coffee midway and peers at him above her mug, and Jonathan shoots him a look. “Last night.”

“Oh,” Jonathan nods. “That’s why you were so—“ Mike will never know how that sentence was going to end because Nancy lightly hits him on the arm. 

“Well, what did he say?” Nancy asks, after she puts her coffee down and immediately readjusts her attention onto him, unblinking like this is the most important thing she’s ever heard. He quickly glances over at Jonathan who’s looking at him with the same intensity.

“Goooood morning dudes and dudette,” Argyle says, bursting through the door, like he lives here which—he might as well be, at this point. “Yum, pancakes!” He says, walking over to the counter and helping himself.

“Well um you know,” he says anxiously drumming his fingers on his thighs. “We were just talking and stuff…and then he said he missed me and I should come home.”

“Mike! That’s great!” Nancy says happily. “Why were you so angry then?”

“Love is complicated, man,” Argyle says, taking a seat next to Jonathan. “I mean—he’s kinda going through emotional whiplash here,” and for once, Mike doesn’t think it's an absolutely ridiculous statement coming from Argyle. “I mean surely it’s gotta be rough to confess your love, get rejected—twice, from what I hear—completely shattering your heart like it’s nothing, going out of town and then getting a phone call from—“

“Okay, thank you,” Mike cuts him off sarcastically.

“I think you should go back home,” Nancy says. “I mean…I know that you’re sad, and angry, and…that’s okay but, Mike he’s your best friend. Forget you’re in love with him for a second, do you really want to lose that?” 

“No,” Mike swallows. “But I already said that wasn’t enough, and even if I didn’t, how am I just…move on, and pretend nothing ever even happened?”

“Trust me Mike,” Jonathan says. “It’s gonna be okay. I promise.”

“So true,” Argyle says, stuffing his face with Pancakes. “If you and Little Byers don’t make it then love is dead, no offense to Big Byers and Big Wheeler.”

“I can’t wait for you to stop calling me that,” Nancy sighs, taking another sip of her coffee.

Mike spends the rest of the day contemplating if going back is a good idea or not. He knew eventually he’d have to go back at some point—even if it was just to take the rest of things back to wherever he was going to go, but he definitely didn’t think he would be going back now.

Was he ready to see Will again? Pick up the pieces of the mess he’d left for everyone he cared about? It sounded like a hefty task, and he wasn’t sure if he could handle it. His emotions are still all over the place and he doesn’t know if he should still be depressed or furious or numb or what, and he’s afraid if he sees Will that it will either be all of that at once or nothing at all. Which opens another can of worms because Mike wants to feel depressed and furious and numb because this sucks and Mike hates every bit of it, but the thing about Will is he makes it incredibly difficult for Mike to feel all those things towards him.

But Will asked him to come home, claiming he missed him and Mike would be the biggest liar on the planet if he said he didn’t feel the same way. Mike wants him in his life forever, despite saying the opposite, so he would be kind of an idiot to reject the opportunity to have it back. He’d already messed up so many times before, it’s a little bit shocking that Will is allowing him back into his life again.

Does Will even deserve that? Mike comes back into his life, after ruining things between them time and time again, especially this time. He’d made it almost impossible to fix, and even if they somehow miraculously did it’s not going to be the same again. Never. Jonathan of all people told him that it wasn’t his fault and he didn’t do anything wrong, but how could that possibly be true? How can that be true, when Mike doesn’t have a best friend anymore and is in New York City all because he told Will I’m in love with you and I can’t just be your friend. 

But Jonathan also said that Will thought he did the right thing, he also said that Will is hurting. And if Mike knows anything about Will, it’s that he’s probably blaming himself for this whole situation right now. Oh God. Maybe this was a mistake, and maybe he should go back home because it’s not Will’s fault he doesn’t feel the same, it’s not Will’s fault that Mike had hurt him so much in the past, it’s not Will’s fault that Mike is an idiot.

So, without a second thought, he buys a plane ticket, and calls Lucas to tell him that he’ll be back this Friday. 

Maybe Mike should have waited a bit longer before coming back. 

He realizes he’s made a mistake as soon as he walks into the Byers house—the whole thing itself isn’t the problem, but Mike thinks he’s maybe jumped into something he hadn’t exactly been ready for.

It’s fine when he initially pulls up to the familiar house he’d spent so much time in. It’s fine when he walks up towards the door, opens it and takes in the scent. It’s fine when he hugs his friends, and indulges in their small talk and rambles about how much he’d been missed when he was gone. 

What’s not fine, is when his eyes land on Will, and it’s like the wind is practically knocked out of him. It feels like his heart is breaking all over again but in the best way. It feels like Will is carefully picking up the pieces, not yet putting it back together—just holding them, and figuring out what exactly to do with it.

But then Will is smiling so brightly at him—Mike’s not sure if that hurts worse or instantly brightens his mood. Will’s smiling at him and practically bouncing over to him.

Mike tries to make a joke, maybe ease back into this—

“Hey. I’m Mike, I was invited to this party but I don’t know anybody—“

—it didn’t work.

“Oh my God, it’s really you,” Will laughs, wrapping his arms tightly around Mike. And it’s—well, he doesn’t know. It’s a good kind of pain, is the best way he can describe it. 

Nevertheless, Mike laughs—mostly out of confusion—and hugs back for about three seconds. Anything more is too much and he’s not sure if he can handle it. Maybe this was too soon, maybe he should’ve waited longer. “I was just making a joke there about how we never met.”

“I know,” Will says, “I don’t care.”

Well that’s—okay, whatever.

“Oh—awesome!” Mike says, “Good to be back,” his eyes glance up to Will’s head, finally taking notice of the change. Will no longer has a bowl cut which—alright, okay it’s—it doesn’t matter. It does matter actually, because it looks so fucking good. Fuck. Mike is going to fold again immediately. He can’t do this, he’s not going to—“your hair looks…really good.”

“Thanks, I thought it was time for a change,” Will replies easily, “It’s really good to see you.”

“Yeah, you too,” he says, giving him a smile, instantaneously missing the feeling of Will’s lips—fuck, this was a bad idea. Too soon, he’s not ready. He still loves him, still feels the ache of knowing that Will doesn’t, it’s all boiling inside. 

He wishes it wasn’t like this, if he hadn’t said anything at all they wouldn’t be standing here like this—awkward, and nervous and whatever else. He wants to cry, he wants to beg Will to just forget about all of it, to tell him that they can go back to being best friends and pretend that it never happened—

But no. He’s not going to do that, even though Mike had royally fucked up everything, he was done with the lying and the hiding—maybe not the running—he needed to be honest, he needed to tell Will the truth. That was the least he could do for him, and maybe Will didn’t like it, but he still deserved to know.

So as much as he wants to take it back, and beg for forgiveness and to pretend it was nothing, he won’t. He made a choice—three choices actually, and now he has to own them. The only thing he can do now is take the blame.

Mike is then dragged away by the rest of his friends, snapping out of his own little world with Will. He’d forgotten there were other people here than just the two of them. He’d almost forgotten how easy it was to get lost with him in the middle of a room, drowning in his eyes. He misses it, and somehow he missed it even more in that moment.

Will saves him a seat next to him on the couch, offering him a smile, which Mike looks away from immediately and opts to sit next to Lucas on the arm-rest. It’s easier that way, this is still…a lot. And the wound is fresher than he thought, the scab was picked at when he got here. And besides, if he was going to talk to Will at all he’d rather it be alone so he can say what he needs to. 

He tells the Party about New York, which he really doesn’t have a lot to say about other than he mostly watched tv, and hung out with Nancy, Jonathan and even Argyle most nights. Tells them that Jonathan is probably going to propose and very rudely did not inform Mike about this whatsoever.

They share some of their stories too, which are a lot more interesting than Mike’s are. Apparently, they felt too weird using the basement when he wasn’t here—which makes zero sense to him, because they’ve done it before, but whatever—so Lucas’ house became the temporary hangout spot. He pulls at his sleeves, feeling a bit left out—they seemed to have a fine time without him. They seemed to be doing perfect without him. So, maybe leaving for good wasn’t such a bad idea. 

They don’t get another moment alone until the end of the party, and Mike is a little bit grateful for that, but also a little bit disappointed as well. Heartbreak is really messing with his head, and it’s really annoying.

“Hey,” Will says.

“Oh hey,” Mike replies.

“Enjoying the party?” Will asks—and Mike really thinks he can’t do this, it’s all too much like a breezy summer night, when they were both outside and Mike had said—

“Yeah,” Mike nods, “you—you did good. I wasn’t expecting anything when I came back.” I really don’t deserve this. “Thank you.”

“Well, we had to do something special for our party leader’s grand return,” Will smiles, and Mike ducks his head, he’s smiling because it’s Will—but he knows that all of this shouldn’t be happening to him. Not when he’s the one who threw it all away, when he’s the one who’s about to ruin their entire friend group, when he’s the one who left because he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to handle being in love with his best friend who doesn’t feel the same.

“Come on Byers,” Mike says softly. “I’m sure you guys weren’t that  miserable without me,” he says, because it seems to be true. They never really needed him, so why should he stay? 

It’s silent for a moment—Mike’s words hanging in the air, neither sure what do with it. 

Then, Will clears his throat, “hey uh did you…maybe want to hang out…or something? You know just the two of us?”

“Oh,” Mike says, wincing internally, almost panics at the idea of him and Will alone. Like, a date or something even though that’s not the case, has never been the case, and will never be the case. He wasn’t ready for this. “Um—I don’t know, I might be busy—family stuff.”

“Oh yeah that’s—fine,” Will says, a little disappointedly, and Mike fights the urge to take it back.

Mike opens his mouth to say something along the lines of I’m sorry or I really missed you, too or Forget what I said, can we go back to being friends again? But instead he doesn’t say any of that, maybe it’s fear or whatever else that stops him. He looks away quickly, before tilting his head to the door, “I should probably…”

“Oh yeah, of course,” Will says sadly. 

He can feel Will following him to the door, what he wished he would do when Mike walked away that night, but this isn’t the same. He wonders if Will is going to ask him to stay like when they were kids, but Mike guesses that’s wishful thinking. He’d probably shoot the idea down anyway.

No, he wouldn’t.

Mike stops at the door, feeling deja vu from graduation night, and he needs to tell Will that none of this is on him. Everything that happened was on Mike, everything. He’s the one who said something and he’s the one that left, no matter how all over the place Mike’s feelings are right now, it doesn’t change the fact that Mike is the one that did this to them. He turns around to face Will, “Um before I go—I didn’t…it’s not your fault I left.”

Will blinks. “What?”

“You weren’t…you didn’t do anything wrong,” he says, swallowing. “I just…I didn’t know what else to do. But don’t…don’t feel bad or guilty or anything.”

 It’s probably my fault

No, sorry I misinterpreted our friendship.

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry that I left like that,” Mike says, eyes landing on his feet instead of on Will, too scared that if he looks at him he’ll start crying and take everything back in an instant. 

“I get it. I mean…it’s…it’s cool,” Will says, and it’s definitely not. Nothing about this is cool. If anything this is weird and painful and it sucks. “You’re…you can do whatever you need to do. We’re friends. We’ll always be friends.” 

You have no idea, how much your friendship means to me.

Mike feels a pang in his heart at the reminder of what they are, always were, and maybe, if he’s lucky, always will be. He quickly collects himself before looking back up at him, slightly nodding. “Right. Friends.”

“Friends.” Will repeats, and Mike really needs to leave. He can’t stay here any longer or he’s going to lose it.

“Well uh…” Mike says after a moment, opening the front door before turning back around. “Goodnight, Will. See you around.”

“‘Night Mike,” Will says, leaning against the door. “I’m glad you’re back,” he says, and Mike really has to go—

“Yeah,” he gives Will a small smile, and surprises himself when he says, “me too.”

Mike hates family dinners. 

It was fine when it was him and Nancy, and Jonathan and hell, even Argyle, but now it’s back to the awkward silence with the occasional small talk and scraping of cutlery against plates.

His parents are talking about boring shit—taxes or promotions or gossip at the office about how they’re convinced the receptionist is cheating on her fiance with one of the salesman and aerobics class, Mike doesn’t know. He’s not really listening.

Holly clearly gets bored of it too, because she immediately asks him, “did you get me anything in New York?”

Mike rolls his eyes, “there’s a chocolate bar in my backpack if you want it.” 

Holly grins, and looks at their mom but she immediately gives her a stern look. “You can have that after you finish your dinner young lady.”

Holly groans and slumps back in her seat, and toys with her food.

“Speaking of New York, how was it, son,” his dad asks. According to Nancy, she had told them the truth but left out important details. The details being Will. Which, Mike is of course grateful for, but his parents are likely going to assume that he was in love with a girl and got rejected by a girl. 

“Fine I guess,” he responds. “I didn’t really do much.”

Ted hums, taking in Mike’s response. “Still moping around?” 

“Ted, please.” 

“It’s not the end of the world, Karen. He’ll find another nice girl to settle down with at some point,” Ted says, taking a bite of his food. “He already got lucky with the chief’s daughter, surely it can’t be that hard for him.” 

But it is, though

He doesn’t want to find a nice girl to settle down with, he doesn’t even really want to find another nice guy to settle down with. He wants Will, and nobody else. There is nobody else out there that was going to be his person. 

Mike has seen some attractive men and women in New York, but even still none of them were as beautiful as Will. He’d think about trying to talk to them or something, and he’d think of a million reasons not too. He’d find something to nitpick and compare it to every little detail of Will, even though all Mike has was their looks he could just tell that there was something they would say or do or wear or like or dislike that Mike would eventually find himself saying Well Will would say this instead or Well Will would do this instead.

“Alright, let’s talk about something else,” his mom says, giving him a smile. “You excited for college?” And he knows this is his mom’s attempt at helping him get his mind off of things, but it’s actually making it a little bit worse. Because college is with Will. In one tiny space. For months and months. For four years. And sure, at first Mike was excited but now it’s just…well he doesn’t know.

As painful as it is to admit, he still loves the idea of living with Will. Of crammed study sessions, and late night talks, and arguing over what they should get for dinner. He wants that, as mundane as it all is he wants that. 

And Will must want that too, in some capacity. He’d already told him that he didn’t want Mike to be roommates with anyone else. He’d already asked if he would, because maybe…maybe he was scared that Mike didn’t want that anymore. Maybe there was still a chance that Will has some sort of feelings for Mike.

Maybe that’s wishful thinking, or something. But it opens up a tiny window of hope for Mike. And maybe Nancy and Jonathan were right, surely if Will had needed to make sure that they were still going through with their future plans and asked him to come home and if he made the effort to get Mike back into his life then that should mean something, right?

So, Mike answers. “Yeah, I am,” and it feels like the truth.

“I sure am!” Holly says. “Now I can use the basement for gymnastics practice.”

Mike scoffs, “you wish.”

Holly sticks her tongue out at him in retaliation.

“You know, it’s not too late to go for a business degree or something you can make a career of,” Ted says, and Mike sees his mom roll her eyes and pinch the bridge of her nose. “English just isn’t practical.”

“Dad, I’m not changing my mind.”

“Alright,” Ted sighs. “But just so you know, Toby from HR’s ex-wife is a teacher and she barely makes any good money.”

Mike rolls his eyes, his dad has been trying to shut down the teacher idea since Mike mentioned it and really wants him to follow him to pursue business or something most of his graduating class does now. Things like Jim is the top salesman at his company now or David is a CEO or My boss is an absolute idiot and he still has his job so you really don’t even have to try or whatever else he says.

But Will had been supportive, and he’d said it would be the perfect career for Mike. He’d said that he’s always known that Mike had an instinct to help people, he was a leader at heart. And Mike giggled when Will joked about how maybe he would have to sneak a note until his lunch like their mothers used to do when they were little, and they would be super cheesy and say something like Good luck at school today, I know you’ll do great! :) -Will 

And then on those late nights they would talk about writing their comic book together on the side, and they’d eventually become rich and never have to work again, and Will had pushed the idea of playing games together for the rest of their lives.

“Mike?” His mom asked, and Mike glanced at her, humming. She looked concerned, and maybe he was totally zoning out but he couldn’t help it. “I asked you if you had a plan after college?” 

And it seems like he already did—and it was with Will. Everything that they discussed about their future he wanted. He wanted to wake up in the morning and for Will to be there, to eat breakfast and kiss him goodbye before he left. He wanted to find a cheesy note from Will in his lunch when he ate at work. He wanted to come home and talk about his day with Will over dinner and relax, before they started working on their comic. And he wanted to go to bed and then do it all again the next day.

And he knows deep down that Will does too, they planned this together. Even though Will told Mike no before, there were a lot of reasons he could have said that—fear, shock, maybe he was in the wrong headspace that night. Mike doesn’t know, but he does know that Will wants to spend forever with him in the same way Mike does. And Mike can’t just let that go, not again.

“I have to go,” he says, standing up out of his seat and throwing his napkin on the table. 

“Michael, where are you going?” His mom asks, Mike doesn’t bother turning around and instead walks towards the door and grabs his keys.

“Will’s,” is all he says before he’s out the door.

Mike takes a breath, and walks up to Will’s door. He can do this, and it won’t be anything like graduation. He can feel it, everything is going to be okay, and they’ll go back to being the team they always were.

And as Mike is about to knock—

“Mike,” Will says breathlessly. 

—Will’s already answering the door.

“Hi,” he says, with a small smile. “I um—I was thinking about what you said the other day at the party, about, um, us hanging out…just us, so I thought I’d take you up on it,” and he hopes it’s not weird—it’s nighttime now and Mike just showed up with no warning. Yeah, scratch that this is definitely weird—especially since he’s been so avoidant with him all summer, maybe he should go and come back tomorrow.

“Oh,” Will breathes, “Well I was just…coming to see you, actually.”

Mike raises his eyebrows at that, he hadn’t expected for Will to come and talk to him. Not after the way Mike has acted, certainly not after the party. “Oh.” 

“Um…come in,” Will says, stepping away and letting Mike in, he carefully takes a seat on the couch, unsure of what to do. This used to be his second home—but the tension between himself and Will makes it feel like he’s in a stranger’s house and he doesn’t know where anything is and doesn’t want to be disrespectful.

“Did you want a drink or something?” He asks as he closes the door.

“No,” Mike shakes his head. “No, I’m fine.” If he’s honest, he could use some water right now because of how nervous he is, but he can’t show it.

Will takes a seat next to Mike. They sit in silence for a moment and Mike hates this, he can’t do this. What if Mike was wrong again—no, no he wasn’t he needs to do this. He made the mess and now he has to fix it.

“You know…I didn’t think you’d come back until we had to leave,” Will says, breaking the silence, and it hurts Mike a little bit, especially because he had considered not coming back at all. Maybe he’ll talk about that some other day, but not today.

Mike laughs humorlessly, looking down at his lap, a little bit ashamed of himself. “Yeah…me neither. But then you called and said I should, Nancy thought it would be good too,” he raises one shoulder, like he didn’t absolutely drive himself crazy thinking about this. “Dunno, felt right I guess.”

They fall back into silence and this sucks. This isn’t them, they can’t even look at each other. God, what even has happened to them? Mike had been so worried about ruining everything that he let himself ruin everything. 

But he can’t do that anymore, if he wants things to go back to normal then he has to work for it. So, he finally says—

“I miss you,” they both blurt out at the same time, and it’s a little bit insane to Mike how even after everything they are still on the same page, and they still seem to know what the other is thinking.

“Sorry—“

“No, no it’s—“

“God, why is everything so weird between us?” Will laughs, and maybe it’s the easiness in his voice or just the fact that it’s Will and he’s laughing that make things feel a little bit more okay than they were before.

“Right?” Mike smiles, even though they both know why, but it’s a little bit nice to joke about with him. To reassure each other that they were both feeling thus awkward tension and something they were going through together. “It was never like this before?” Well, that’s Mike’s fault, but at least they’re talking now.

He wonders if he should bring it up. What he should say—well, first he should apologize, and then he guesses he should try and start to rebuild their friendship so it’s not in total shambles by the fall. 

“You were wrong by the way,” Will says, before Mike can even say anything. “About the Party being fine without you,” he clarifies, before continuing. “Because, I was a mess. And now…it feels like we’re not even friends. And I can’t stand that things are weird like this…and maybe it’s my fault,” and everything Mike thought of saying flies out the window.  He doesn’t even know what to say—he hadn’t even expected Will to start the conversation, let alone what he was saying.

“But I just…I miss you. We’re supposed to be best friends—but then you left and now I don’t know what we are. And I really, really, miss you,” he says, and all Mike can do is stare. Will really, really missed him. God, Mke is so in love. He’s never gonna make it out alive. 

“I shouldn’t have said no that night,” he says, looking down at his lap, ashamed almost. And Mike takes in a sharp breath, and his heart drops—this time in a good way. This is happening. Will feels the same. Everything is going to go back to the way it was and it’s better. If Mike wasn’t so focused on listening to whatever it is that Will has to say Mike would probably be jumping for joy right now.

“And there are a lot of things I’m scared of…but then I see you and none of them matter, because you make things not so scary.” And Mike might die. He was right, Will was just scared, and that makes sense. But, well, he doesn’t know. Knowing that he protects Will from all of that stuff makes him feel all warm and fuzzy, and he quickly tries to forget that he failed at protecting Will from himself. That Mike had put it all on the line and that scared Will, but he won’t dwell on that now. Not when Will is telling him all of this.”

“And I know that it’s probably too late—“ it’s not. “—and I’m not trying to win you over—“ you already did. “it’s not—that’s not what I’m—I guess I’m just trying to say that…I miss being best friends with you. The last few months…I just, I don’t know. It hurt worse than in Lenora, because I felt like I actually lost you, and I didn’t know how to fix it. But I’m fixing it.” He says, and Mike is honestly at a loss for words. He doesn’t know what to say now. He doesn’t know if he should say anything about what happened now, Will didn’t exactly say that he wanted to be with Mike.

But since they’re being honest, maybe Mike should be too. “Can I be honest?” He asks, and Will nods, like he’s dying to hear what Mike has to say. “Ever since I came home…I’ve never really felt like I came home,” he admits. He didn’t think he was going home when Will asked him too, and when he stepped into his house and then Will’s house it wasn’t a sigh of relief. It was just another place. “And when I finally got my shit together and left New York…I thought that maybe things would be different, but it isn’t. I still feel the exact same as when I left.”

“Well, I wish you would,” Will nods, and Mike looks at him. He is now, isn’t he? Will called, and Mike came running. And they’re on the same path that they’ve paved together for the last thirteen years.

Without thinking he pulls Will into his arms, and holds onto him like he’s going to float away. Will hugs him back and Mike finally comes back.

They pull away and are looking into each other’s eyes. Mike is certain now that Will loves him back. Whatever happened on graduation night is in the past and it doesn’t matter now, they both know the truth now and that’s all that matters.

Then suddenly, Mike feels lips on his for the second time in his life, and he’s in heaven. He missed the feeling so much, sometimes on his worst nights he’d replay that moment in his head and pretend that the context they were in didn’t exist—they were just happy.

Will pulls away all too quickly for Mike’s liking, and this time Mike isn’t going to leave. This time this is going to be for real and not something he could only hope for. He needs this to be real this time. He cups Will’s perfect face and brings him back in. 

Out of their three shared kisses so far, this is definitely their roughest. It’s messy, and their noses are bumping and their breaths are constantly mixing. Their teeth are clashing and they can’t stop giggling and Mike’s tongue can’t stop running around Will’s mouth. Will’s hands are in Mike’s hair, and the combination of Will’s own tongue on his lip makes Mike release a noise of contentment. 

Unfortunately, they do need to breathe so they pull away. But Mike will be making sure that he can kiss Will at every chance he gets—now that he's gotten a good one with no rejection attached, he’s addicted and he needs his fix. 

He leans his forehead against Will’s, content in this shared closeness with the boy he loves, now knowing that this isn’t going to end with a kiss on a cheek and a trip to New York. “Will?” He asks, breathless.

“Yeah?”

It’s ridiculous how absolutely smitten and overjoyed heis in this moment—he loves Will so much and he can’t even believe this is real. He can’t believe that after being so heartbroken just a few days ago, it mended just as quickly. And Mike knows they still have a lot to talk about still, but right now Mike wants to take this moment in. He bites his lip to prevent the grin that stretches across his face. “I think I came home.”

Will grins right back. “Good,” he says, before giving Mike another slower kiss. “I’m in love with you too, by the way,” he adds, and it makes Mike’s heart soar. He’d been dying to hear those words be repeated back to him. And sure it took a while, but he has it now. He hopes that Will never stops saying it. Says it to him every morning, every night, every conversation they have. He’ll never get sick of hearing it. God he’s so happy right now. “I’m sorry I didn’t say it back…but God, Mike you have to know. I love you so much, and sometimes it just scares me,” he says, and it’s the final weight lifted off of Mike’s shoulder. And like he mentioned earlier, there’s still a lot to discuss before they jump into anything—but this is definitely a step in the right direction.

“I love you too,” Mike says. It’s so freeing to say that knowing the other person feels the same. It’s so freeing to now add the too to the statement. It’s so freeing that he can share this feeling. “And don’t apologize,” he adds, for good measure. “I would wait a million years for you.”

“Sap,” Will teases, and this time they fall into comfortable silence, because now just being here together and enjoying each other’s company. Then, Will says, “please don’t find another roommate.”

Mike laughs, as if he would ever want one, and kisses him again. “Wasn’t planning on it.”

“I’m in love with you,” Will says again, maybe he’s trying to make up for lost time. Mike’s not sure, but he still loves to hear it. And he would be happy if Will just repeated the statement all night long.

Mike smirks at him, and asks, “What?” 

“You’re an asshole,” Will says, shoving Mike away as he starts laughing hysterically.

“You said it first,” Mike says, putting his hands up defensively.

“Yeah well,” Will says, pulling Mike back into him and leaning back onto the couch, causing Mike to let out a little yelp. “Shut up.” 

Mike sighs contently, as he buries his face into Will’s neck. “Okay,” he says softly, “but only because I love you.”

Mike’s had a rough summer, and now he’s ready to relax with his—what are they? Whatever, they’ll figure the details out later. Right now he’s just happy to be with Will.

——

They’ve been doing this thing for a little bit now, and it’s not really official just yet so they haven’t felt the need to tell anyone. It’s late, and they’re laying in Will’s bed after Mike snuck out to come see him.

This is what they do now, mostly. Hangout like normal with their friends even though they’re definitely suspicious of the two of them and what the hell happened over the summer. Which—he can’t really blame them, they kept a lot of the details fuzzy and under wraps. 

“I think we should keep us a secret,” Mike says, grabbing Will’s hand for comfort. “Just for a little while, I just—it’s been…a lot,” which feels like the understatement of the year. But there’s still a lot to figure out and Mike doesn’t want everyone adding their input. He wants to enjoy what he has with Will and for things to be calm for a little while before it gets crazy again in the fall.

“I agree,” Will nods understandingly, he gives Mike’s hand a comforting squeeze. “I think we both need to breathe, it hasn’t been an easy summer.” 

“Yeah,” Mike says softly.

“Tell me,” Will says after a moment, and Mike tenses. He knew Will would ask eventually, and even if he didn’t Mike would have to open up at some point anyway, but he hopes it’s not today. “I mean it was hard for me, but you were the one who got heartbroken.”

Mike looks up at him, giving him a small smile. “Don’t worry about it,” he says, kissing the back of Will’s hand. He hopes that he can forget about this for now, and maybe they can talk about it later. Mike had a lot of feelings and they were all bad, and he knows Will’s gonna be consumed by guilt for that. “It’s all over now.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to forget it,” Will swallows, taking his free hand and cupping Mike’s cheek, gently rubbing his thumb across. Mike leans into it, desperately chasing the warmth and comfort it provides. “I know I hurt you, and…and I’ve been dying to know how you’ve been doing since the second you left, so, please.”

Mike can see the plea in Will’s eyes—like he needs to know. And maybe he does—if he doesn’t this might never work. They can’t keep hiding things from each other like they did before, they just can’t. Mike sighs. 

“Honestly I…I don’t know, Will. I was feeling a lot of things, you know? I mean, I knew there was a chance you’d say no, but I also thought there was a chance that you felt the same way,” he closes his eyes and swallows. Remembers when he was so nervous he was shaking and sweating, how it took him all of his courage to go out and sit on those steps and say I’m in love with you. 

“But then you told me no,” he continues. 

What?

“And it was like—no matter how much I prepared for you to say no, no matter how much I tried to talk myself into being okay with it—“

I can’t.

“—it still was just—too much. And then when you said no the second time I just…”

Mike…

“I really couldn’t take it, Will. I mean at that point I’d thrown everything we had away,” he says—and he hates the way his voice cracks, but Will squeezes his hand once more, reminding Mike that he’s right here and it’s okay, and Mike takes a breath.

Okay, see you later, Will. 

“And I wanted to be angry at you, I tried to be angry at you but I don’t know, I couldn’t. I was more mad at myself than anything for being so…so stupid,” he admits. “I was mad that I’d treated you so horribly in the past, and I’d missed my chance because why would you still love me? Why would I expect you to still love me when I’ve been so—“ he takes a stuttered breath, trying his best to stay collected. But this is still a fresh wound.

“God, I was so angry at myself for telling you that we couldn’t just be friends. I wanted to take it back the moment I said it, because I would’ve been just your friend forever if it meant that—that I’d still have you,” he says. He still wishes he could take that one back—then maybe they wouldn’t be in the situation that they are now. He can’t change the past, and Mike has always let his mouth run before his head. “ And I’m really sorry for that, I am. I want you to know that…that whenever one of us hurts the other, it won’t change anything, it will never, ever change how I feel about you. And I definitely don’t want you to think I’m going to just pack up and leave. Because I love you, as my best friend or something more. So, yeah, um, that’s…that’s how I’ve been feeling.”

When Mike looks up at Will, he can see he’s physically fighting back tears, and that he’s going to draw blood with how hard it sits between his teeth. “Oh,” he says shakily after several moments, nodding like he’s processing.

“Hey,” he says softly, scooting closer to him and rubbing his arms up and down. “It’s—it’s okay, I mean it’s all over now.” 

“No, it’s—it’s not okay,” Will protests. “I really didn’t want to hurt you, Mike,” he says through a choked sob, and Mike does his best to wipe away the tears that fall down Will’s cheeks. “And it…it breaks my heart to know that you spent all of that time blaming yourself, when it’s not—you never did anything wrong that night. You didn’t. I mean, I was kind of a hypocrite, wasn’t I?” He lets out a wet laugh, Mike doesn’t know what he means by that but lets him continue anyway.

“I’d spent so long wanting you to be honest with me, wanting you to be close to me again and then you—you finally did and I pushed you away. That wasn’t fair to you, and I’m sorry,” he says, and Mike is almost shocked. He hadn’t expected an apology because he really didn’t put any blame on Will, and Mike really doesn’t know what to do with that because usually he’s the one that fucks up. 

“I thought that maybe you were—you were going to somehow see me for who I really am, just some fucked up closeted guy from Indiana, who’s whole life is going to be defined by what happened to him,” he admits, and his heart breaks. Mike would never see Will like that, never. Will was so much more than what happened and who he dates.

“But honestly, I…I can’t even believe that I ever thought that. You’ve been there for me through all of it, and—and never once treated me like I was different, or a freak, I was always just Will,” and for the first time since they started talking, he smiles. Mike’s heart soars and he presses a kiss to his forehead.

“And I’m sorry that I made you think that I didn’t feel the same because that’s the farthest thing from the truth—yes, you hurt me in the past and that wasn’t okay, but you’d made up for it and I’d forgiven you so long ago. And I’m not—you don’t have to be sorry for leaving, I know that you were hurting and you needed your space, I mean it sucked that you weren’t speaking to me but I understand why. I love you, Mike. I love you more than anything and I only want what’s best for you, so if that means you need some space or—or whatever, then I’ll be waiting for you. Always.”

Mike sucks in a breath. “Thank you, Will. That means a lot,” he says. “And I…I forgave you a long time ago, but I can’t guarantee that those feelings will entirely go away.” 

“I understand,” Will nods. “I didn’t think you’d forgive me for awhile, so.”

“C’mere,” he says, pulling Will into his chest, and running his hand through his hair. He can feel his shirt getting a little bit wet from Will’s tears.

“I’m really sorry Mike,” he says into his chest.

“I know,” Mike says, switching to rub his back instead. “I know, it’s okay I forgive you.”

Will sniffs. “I really don’t deserve you, I can’t believe I got so lucky.”

“If anyone’s the lucky one here it’s me,” Mike argues. “And I definitely don’t deserve you, I’ve done a lot worse than you have.” 

“I love you so much,” Will says, holding onto Mike even tighter. “I won’t ever let you forget.”

Mike chuckles into Will’s hair, “like I could.”

“Well, I just think that I owe you that much,” he says, pulling away a little bit so they’re facing each other. His tears seem to be drying now, and he’s smiling so that’s good. 

Mike kisses his forehead again, then  gets immediately attacked by Will pressing kisses all over his face, repeating I love you I love you I love you.

Mike laughs, lightly pushing him away. “Okay, okay,” he says. “I think you made your point.”

“Fine,” Will says, repositioning himself so he’s buried into Mike’s neck. Will, as sneaky as he is,  quickly presses another kiss to his neck and says, “I love you.”

Mike smiles. “I love you too,” he says. They lay like that for a little while, and Mike has never been happier. Everything he’s ever wanted is right here. He takes in every second of this moment so it can last forever.

Now that everything is out in the open, they definitely should become more. Like boyfriends or a couple, which makes Mike blush like crazy just thinking about it. Going out on dates, holding hands, getting called Will’s boyfriend or getting to say Will is his boyfriend. 

“Hey Will,” he whispers.

Will groans in response, burying himself deeper unto Mike’s neck, already close to falling asleep. Which is one of the things Mike loves about him, he can fall asleep so easily, and it’s so cute. It’s so cute when he’s alseep. Will is just so cute. 

“Are you free for dinner tomorrow?”

He can feel a smile stretch across Will’s face, and it must be contagious because Mike does the same. “Yes.”

“Cool,” Mike says, as calmly as possible, which is a pretty hard thing to do. “Then it’s a date.”

It’s a date.