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“So you really never got the chance to go on vacation?” Ratio asked with a frown.
Aventurine smiled at him in return. His childhood was all about survival, and slaves do not exactly possess the right to ask for holidays. “Well, maybe if you count in our trip to Penacony?”
The gaze Ratio gave him in return could not have been described as anything but deadpanned: “It was a business trip in the first place, and you almost got yourself killed. Unless you’re not a die-hard fan of extreme survival vacation trips - no, this definitely doesn’t count!”
The answer made Aventurine snort, but Ratio had a point. Overall, his time in Penacony had not been very relaxing…
“Fine.” Ratio sighed. “Then it is decided. Make sure you are free next month, we will go on vacation together.”
Well, that was a surprise. Aventurine liked the idea of spending some days abroad with Ratio - of course he did - but he would not have expected the man to be a fan of vacation in the first place, and that was what he also told him.
“You’re not wrong about this, gambler.” Ratio told him. “But I still think that it is an experience everybody should have made at least once in their lives. Also, you have only just recovered from the things that happened to you on Penacony, and as a medical doctor I cannot help but be worried about your health.”
So the doctor - his beloved doctor - was worried about him and wanted to spoil him? No way he was gonna let that opportunity slip. “I’ll apply for vacation right away!” he let him know with a wide grin.
And so it was settled.
***
It was Ratio who made all the arrangements for their vacation, and he kept them a secret until the day before their trip. He might have even kept the mystery a little longer, but Aventurine needed to know what he was supposed to take with him, so Ratio had informed him about the climate and environment of their destination.
He had chosen a blue planet, famous for its beaches and the warm and sunny weather because apparently, seaside vacations were the most popular ones. Aventurine could understand his reasoning, but he was not really sure how he felt about the decision. It was a little tricky, for one reason or another…
However, this was nothing but his own fault, because he had kept a little secret from the doctor. It was something he knew he could and should have told him a long time ago, but for some reason, he had never managed to do so. So if this was going to become his punishment, he probably deserved it.
The planet Ratio had chosen was truly fascinating. Aventurine had never seen a place like this before. His home planet had been a desert, and the places he had been to afterwards had mostly been younger artificially colonized planets where everything was made of materials like concrete and steel. But this place… The colours here were so vibrant! There were huge areas of big, green trees and the sky was beautifully blue. There were also areas with the typical boring concrete buildings, but most of them were nothing but ruins, already reclaimed by the nature around. Ratio told him that this planet used to be the place where humankind was born eons ago. However, for some reason the climate had changed, and those who had been able to afford it had left the planet for new settlements in space. Just recently, several amber eras later, the planet had been re-discovered, and now it truly seemed like a paradise.
For the time of their stay, Ratio had borrowed a car. Aventurine, who did not own a driver’s license, already knew that he was going to pester him about letting him try to drive later, but for now, he was just content watching him behind the wheel. They rarely needed a car at home, and this was a shame given how cool the doctor looked while driving one. He was wearing sunglasses against the blinding sun, and the way the muscles in his upper arm showed from being stretched out and holding the driver’s wheel was just divine…
Like this, the car ride passed much too quickly and they arrived at the cabin Ratio had booked for their stay. It was a cute little wooden cabin, completely different from their modern apartment at home, but Aventurine loved how cozy it looked. There even was a fireplace, and this seemed so romantic that Aventurine was tempted to use it at least once even if it was definitely too warm for something like an open fire.
On this first day, they took their time to explore the environment around the cabin. There was a little forest behind it and an area of dunes in front of it. If they passed through the dunes, they would reach an ocean, but they agreed to spare this destination for the next day, much to Aventurine’s relief. He still refused to tell Ratio, but he was a little afraid of this ocean. He had his reasons for this reluctance, but neither did he want to talk about them, nor did he want to disappoint Ratio who had chosen this place so carefully.
The first evening of their vacation was sure to soon become a precious memory for Aventurine. They shared a simple dinner with bread and cheese, drank some fine wine and went on a little nightly stroll afterwards. Aventurine would never forget how they stood there, watching the foreign stars above them and listening to the unfamiliar sounds around. Ratio had wrapped his arms around him from behind, warming him against the nightly chill and told him stories about the constellations they saw. At one point, a shrieking sound made Aventurine flinch, and Ratio told him that it was an owl. Aventurine liked owls. To him, they were Ratio’s birds, and he would have never expected to ever hear one for himself, just like he would have never expected to ever stand on a beautiful foreign planet like this, safely wrapped into his lover’s embrace, just enjoying life. It seemed like a miracle, and he was eternally grateful.
Unsurprisingly, they did not find too much sleep during this first night. They both had a busy schedule in their usual lives, so it was rare for them to have so much time together, and Aventurine was unwilling to waste an opportunity like this. They took it slow, taking their sweet time to playfully discover everything their bodies had to offer. And why stop with only one time? There was no pressure to get up early the next morning, after all.
The following day, Aventurine woke up from the rays of sun tickling his face. Ratio was already up and preparing breakfast, but he stopped to wish him a good morning when he heard him move between the sheets.
“I was just starting to feel this was more of a coma than sleep. Did we overdo it last night?” he teased him with a smug little smile on his handsome face.
“No way!” Aventurine replied with a cheeky grin on his face, ignoring the slightly wobbling feeling in his legs when he got up. “But I think I’m starving.”
When he came back from the bathroom a few minutes later, breakfast was already waiting for Aventurine. Ratio had made scrambled eggs, and judging by the amount and the tempo with which Aventurine ate, he really must have been starving. It forced them to readjust their plans for the day a little. The trip to the ocean was postponed and replaced by a visit to the nearby town, where they would stock up on supplies.
The town seemed to be one of those deserted places reclaimed by the people who came back to this planet. Some of the less decayed buildings had been patched up to house little stores. Some of them sold groceries, others typical tourist stuff. They even found an ice cream stall, and Aventurine did not accept Ratio’s objection that they had just had breakfast.
“Didn’t you say vacation was about having a pleasant time? And isn’t ice cream like… the definition of enjoying summer?” he had asked Ratio with wide puppy eyes, and the doctor had soon admitted defeat. Just a few minutes later they sat on a closeby bench with ice cream in their hands, their groceries waiting in the bags close to their feet.
“Can I have a taste from your ice cream, too?” Aventurine asked. He had chosen vanilla and strawberry, and he thought it was perfect, but he was also curious about Ratio’s taste.
The doctor next to him sighed a little dramatically, but held out his ice cream for Aventurine to taste it anyway. Chocolate and banana, he noticed. A completely different choice, but by far not a bad one.
“You have good taste, too!” he praised him with a smile, and Ratio snorted in return.
“Did you expect anything else?” he asked before stealing a bite of Aventurine’s ice cream in return.
“Same goes for you.” he told him, and as silly as it was, Aventurine blushed a little from the gesture. It surely did not help that Ratio looked adorable at that moment, wearing a beautiful smile, a little bit of Avenurine’s ice cream still caught in the corner of his mouth. There was no way Aventurine could have stopped himself from kissing it away…
However, even their trip to the little town inevitably ended sometime, and so there was no more reason to further delay the planned trip to the ocean.
The sight awaiting him was nothing like what Aventurine had expected. He stared at the ocean in awe. It was huge, no end could be seen no matter how far he looked. And it was also beautiful. The surface was blue, and the sun was making it sparkle like it was covered with diamonds. It was also loud. A steady wind was blowing, and small waves were hitting the beach time and time again. It was positively awe-inspiring, but it did not prevent the fear from creeping into Aventurine’s chest, making it just a little hard to breathe. It was still pretty easy to suppress though. After all, he did not want Ratio to worry.
Unfortunately, Ratio made that pretty hard for him. He was still fine when the doctor suggested they should take a barefoot stroll where the waves hit the beach. The sand under his feet even felt nice, reminding him of the better days of his childhood when he would always run around barefoot, as long as the ground did not get too hot for it. A stroll was also a nice excuse to walk hand in hand, and not only did he love walking hand in hand with Ratio, it also helped to ease his tension.
He was even still fine when Ratio told him about his plan to get on a boat to visit a remote island. The boat was so small that it felt like a nutshell, and Aventurine could feel every single wave under them, but he could easily blame the pale colour of his face on seasickness. Seasickness was something beyond their control, so it was the perfect excuse for not having to admit how scared he actually felt.
The first time on the island even felt nice, as long as he ignored the fact that there was nothing but water all around them. It was a fascinating place with animals Aventurine had never seen before. Birds looking like melancholic clowns and huge creatures galumphing through the sand in a clumsy, yet somehow cute way just to fall asleep on the beach.
Unfortunately, it all went downhill the moment the sky turned dark. Later, Ratio would explain to him that it was normal for the weather to change quickly at the sea, but to Aventurine, it came completely unexpected. Within just a few minutes they were surrounded by black clouds, and Ratio only managed to find them a little natural cave before the thunderstorm began. This was also the moment Aventurine could no longer keep up his little act.
It was so loud and dark around, and there was water everywhere, and he was unable to suppress how terrified he was. All the memories came back, crushing him under their weight, and all he could do was crouch down and hold his ears, trying to at least protect himself from what was happening around him right now.
The strong wind was carrying the rain into the cavern,slapping it right into his face, and although a part of him knew that it was by far not enough water for this, he felt as if he was drowning. The water seemed to be everywhere, just like all those years ago when he had to pretend he was just another floating corpse in order to save his own life, and he could no longer breathe. The thunderstorm did not make it better. All the time he almost expected to hear the muffled screams just like he did back then, and when one of the animals out there which Ratio had taught him were called ‘seals’ made one of its characteristic sounds, Aventurine felt like he was about to faint.
He could not bear this. Ever since that day, Aventurine had been scared of open water. Terrified, even. He knew that it was irrational. He knew how to swim, but the panic could easily become so overwhelming that he had to fear drowning anyway. Water was associated with nothing but bad memories. He had been swimming in this lake of blood and corpses and had been too young to hide his fear afterwards. Later it had only helped people figure out that waterboarding was the perfect way to get him to do what they wanted from him, making him go through the painful feeling of drowning again and again. They were all dead now, but Aventurine had promised himself to never let something like that happen again, so he had made his fear his biggest secret. He had not even made an exception for Ratio, so even the love of his life had no idea that he could not even bear being in a fully filled bathtub if it was not together with him.
He only remembered that he was not alone, when a pair of strong arms pulled him into a tight embrace. Right , he thought. Ratio is here . He wanted to press himself as close to the man as possible, but at the same time his foggy brain informed him that he had just spilled his secret and that he should come up with an excuse. However, Ratio did not let him proceed. He held him close and soothingly stroked his back while speaking of sweet nothings to him:
“It’s alright. The storm will pass. Don’t worry, we’ll soon leave this place. Everything will be fine.”
Those words were completely out of character for him, but they still helped. Aventurine’s mind would not have been able to process any information about the average duration of a thunderstorm and the minimal risk of them getting injured in any form right now, but words of comfort combined with the safety of a warm embrace were just right. His panic gradually vanished, and so did the thunderstorm, and the exhaustion finally sent Aventurine into a merciful slumber.
When he woke up the next time, Aventurine was confused for a moment. He was wearing his pajamas and lying in a warm and comfortable bed. The sun was shining and everything around him was quiet and peaceful. It took him a moment to realize that he was in their cabin, and another moment to notice Ratio sitting in a chair close to the bed, reading one of his many books in silence.
Had all of this been a nightmare? he wondered, but the aftermath was still much too tangible in his body. He could smell that his hair had been wet from rain not long ago, and his muscles felt somewhat weak. Also, Ratio’s worried eyes once he had noticed that he was awake confirmed his suspicion that all of this had really happened. Damn it.
It took Aventurine several minutes to reassure the doctor that he was really alright, and he could sense his impatient curiosity about what was behind this incident. So he decided that it was time to finally tell him the truth - but on one little condition.
“Join me here in bed, will you?” he asked Ratio, who agreed without hesitation. Snuggled close like this, Aventurine finally told his partner everything. It was tough talking about all of it, and of course Ratio did not spare him a good scolding. But it was also a relief to know that there was now somebody who understood his feelings.
Naturally, Ratio promised him to keep this a secret between the two of them, and he also offered to readjust their vacation plans to remove everything he had been planning for them to do at the ocean, but Aventurine refused.
“This place is beautiful, and you chose it for our first vacation, so I don’t want to be scared of it forever. No boats and no swimming for me, please, but I was not scared when we made our stroll, so if you promise to not let go of my hand, I think I do not want to avoid the sea at all costs…” he told him, a little sheepish.
At first, Ratio seemed to be reluctant, but in the end, he agreed. For the rest of their stay, they made it a habit to take little strolls at the beach, and the doctor made sure to not even let go of Aventurine’s hand when he suddenly bent down to pick up a pretty shell.
On the final day of their vacation, they even decided to make a farewell picnic at the beach. They chose a spot close to the dunes, where they were safe from the wind and far away enough from the water for Aventurine to take in the sight without getting too tense.
“I still wish I had known about your phobia before.” Ratio confessed. Aventurine could not shake off the feeling that he felt a little guilty for causing him a panic attack. To him, this was nonsense.
“It was stupid of me, and nothing but my own fault. Still, I cherish every day we spent here.”
They fell silent for a while, lost in their respective thoughts. A few minutes later, Aventurine took the floor again: “He, Ratio - can I ask you to promise something to me?”
The request seemed to pique the doctor’s interest: “And what could that be?” he asked him, looking him over with his intelligent eyes.
“Promise me that we will come back here when I have overcome my fear. I wanna do all this cool stuff I cannot do right now. Go swimming with you. Play water ball, or frisbee or something like this!”
He was a little bit embarrassed by the childlike excitement in his voice, but he really felt this way.
Luckily, Ratio did not make fun of him. Instead, he gave him a warm smile before answering: “I’ll gladly promise that. Just make sure it won’t take too long. We’re not getting younger, and I don’t want us to suffer from lumbago from catching said frisbee.”
The thought made Aventurine laugh: “I did not plan to take so much time for us to become old men in the meantime!” he snorted before leaning closer and kissing Ratio.
“But I certainly like the idea of us still coming to this place when we are old. I really do.”
With that, he playfully pushed Ratio down into the warm and soft sand before kissing him once again, this time more intense: “But for today, let’s enjoy the here and now where we still can do certain things without having to worry about the state of our limbs afterwards, shall we?”
As expected, Ratio did not object.