Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

COLD OPEN

FADE IN:

EXT. PENTAGRAM CITY - BREAK OF DAWN

Screams of anguish and pain fill the air as the camera pans over the freshly destroyed ruins of Pentagram City. Slowly, an untouched oasis of blue and gold, contrasting starkly with the pink and red hues of Hell enters the frame. It is the V Tower. As we zoom in towards the floor-to-ceiling windows of the V Tower’s penthouse, which reflect the carnage of the extermination outside, VOX steps out of the dark interior into view. We look up at a wicked, satisfied cyan smile spanning the length of his television face. His hands are clasped behind his back. In the reflection, he seems to be a Giant standing triumphantly over the remains of the city.

INT. VEE PENTHOUSE MAIN ROOM

Cut to over Vox’s right shoulder. The screams of hell are noticeably dampened and now accompanied by the dull hum of Vox’s electricity. We look out onto the blazing skies of Hell from Vox’s perspective- his smile, now a reflection itself, becomes softened by a foreboding anxiety. His gaze is fixed on the Holy Clocktower as shadows fly up into its halo from below- the Exterminators are finally departing the city through its halo-like portal.

Vox’s eyes follow the last angels disappearing. His smile dims like the light of Heaven outside.

Vox lets out a shaky breath before turning his attention to his vphone, which he brings out from behind his back. 

Vox thumbs a green icon, opening Mammon’s banking app. His company’s debit is only just now ticking back up from the negatives into the positives.

We look up at Vox’s concerned frown as he stares at his phone. He sighs, closes his phone with a click, and slips it into his breast pocket. As he turns around, he stretches his back muscles with audible cracking- he’s preparing for another long day at work.

Piano notes begin to ping over a slow violin chord as Vox, rim-lit by the window light, walks towards the camera and begins to sing.

VOX
(singing to the tune of “I'm Always Chasing Rainbows”)
At the end of the hustle, there's capital.

Vox reaches the camera and it swings to keep up with him, following him in profile as he walks down the hall lined with framed magazine covers and advertisements of himself, Valentino, and Velvette.

VOX
(singing)
And to find it, how often I've tried…

Vox fixes his lapels as he crosses under the fluorescent lights dotting the room towards the elevator.

VOX
(singing)
But my life is a waste, a mundane rat race…

Cut to Vox lifting one arm into the air, striking a dramatic pose, in front of the elevator doors at the end of the hallway.

VOX
(singing)
And my loans have all been denied…!

The elevator arrives on his floor with a ding.

Vox steps into it- his employees flatten themselves against the walls with worried and scared expressions. 

VOX
(singing)
Why have I always been a failure?

VOXTEK EMPLOYEE #1
Err- 

VOX [INTERRUPTING]
(singing)
What can the reason be?

VOXTEK EMPLOYEE #2
Well-

Voxtek Employee#3 slaps a hand over Voxtek Employee #2’s mouth.

VOX
(singing)
I wonder if the world's to blame…

Everyone in the elevator nods enthusiastically.

VOX
(singing)
I wonder if it could be me…?

The employees shake their heads vigorously as Vox steps out onto his office floor. The music swells and Vox pirouttés.

VOX
(singing)
I'm always chasing moolah~

Vox ballets down the hall decorated with surveillance monitors.

VOX
(singing)
Watching customers buy~

The monitors capture shoppers fighting for goods in the aisles of the Vee’s department store. Signage shows he’s holding a “Survivor’s 5% Off” sale.

VOX
(singing)
My schemes are just like all my dreams…

Vox slides to a stop at a large round door. He raises his chin and his arms as it opens onto his office.

VOX
(happy bellow)
…Of white collar crime!

An extended instrumental plays as Vox two-steps down the bridge over his shark tank. As he reaches his desk, he jumps into his chair with enough force to spin it around and face the symphony of monitors.

VOX
(singing softly)
Some fellows look and find the sunshine…

On one monitor, demons celebrate surviving another extermination under Charlie Morningstar’s fireworks.

VOX
(singing softly)
I always look and find the rain…

On another monitor, blood rains down on Sinners as the desecrated bodies strung up on balconies slowly bleed out.

VOX
(singing softly)
Some fellows make a winning sometime…

On yet another monitor, Husk stumbles out of a casino and face-plants on the city street. 

VOX
(singing to speaking)
I never even make a gain, believe me…

Vox takes out his phone as he sings and side-eyes his bank account once again.

VOX
(singing wistfully)
I'm always chasing fortune…

He opens a text from his assistant- the text shows that Charlie Morningstar has scheduled a meeting seven days from now.

VOX
(singing wistfully)
Waiting to find some small peace of mind in vain…

As Vox finally plugs himself in for another long day of work, we zoom in on the large central monitor as it displays the counter on the Clocktower flip back to 365.

SCENE TWO

EXT- THE FRESHLY DILAPIDATED STREETS OF PENTAGRAM CITY

Alastor’s hooves clip-clop on the hot molten surface of the inflamed city streets. 

He watches as a metal blimp in the sky groans forebodingly before its helium ignites in a magnificent explosion- signaling the beginning of the post-extermination turf wars.

ALASTOR
(quippy)
The more things change, the more they stay the same!

Alastor strolls by posters on a brick wall reading, “BEWARE THE RADIO DEMON.” He takes the opportunity to summon a pen and sign his name across one.

ALASTOR
It’s nice to know I still have fans!

As he turns from the wall in a jolly trot, he quickly comes across a crowd gathering in front of a menagerie of T.V.s displayed in the front window of “The Radio Shack.”

Alastor, curious as ever, steps into a parting in the center of the crowd and sees that 666 News is currently playing. 

KATIE KILLJOY
Coming up next, we have an exclusive interview with the daughter of Hell’s own head honcho- who’s here to discuss her brand new passion project! All that and more after the break! Suck it up you little b-

As the television cuts to commercials, Alastor has a disinterested expression on his face.

ALASTOR
(unimpressed)
Hum.

He half turns around- ready to walk away- when the T.V. display suddenly casts a brilliant cyan blue on his face, and a familiar but unplaceable voice pulls his curiosity back.

MASCULINE UNKNOWN VOICE (VOX)
Every single one of you has something missing deep down inside… I know you do!

Alastor’s ear twitches and he steps closer to the display to investigate. On the T.V. a television demon is lounging across a piano as a goofy-looking hammerhead shark steps into the piano’s seat and begins to play. 

ALASTOR
Certainly, that can’t be…

Quick cuts flash between the T.V. and Alastor’s growing realization as Vox smiles to the camera and begins to sing.

VOX
(singing to the tune of Inside Of Every Demon Is A Rainbow)
I have a sin, a brand new vice-

Vox stands and poses on the piano.

VOX
(singing)
Purchase a wonderful, fantastic new device!

As Vox steps down from the piano, he transitions to a powerpoint presentation with a laser pointer.

VOX
(singing)
Yes, it's one of a kind, right here in Hell! Catering to a specific clientele…!

The crows around Alastor, “Oooooos,” as Alastor visibility cringes.

VOX
(singing)
Inside of every gizmo is a rainbow! Inside every gadget is a shiny smile!

Vox shuffles quickly through many strange and fantastical-looking inventions.

VOX
(singing)
Approved for every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac-

Vox’s presentation pans to the left and Vox slides into frame to wrap one arm jovially around a maniac. With the other arm he reaches to his left and drags a young child in from off stage right.

VOX
(singing)
And this jolly, happy, cupcake-loving child!

Vox leaves the visibly terrified child with the maniac and zaps into the camera so that his face fills in the entire T.V. screen.

VOX
(singing)
Don’t change the channel! For home use or travel! 

Vox pulls back from the screen to reveal the pretty, gleaming V Tower behind him. Doves fly out from behind it, trailing rainbows.

VOX
(singing, putting a lot of effort and over-emphasis “Mall”)
Shop, eat, dance or brawl- down at the V Tower Mall!

Alastor rolls his eyes so far that they roll around completely and come back up from the bottom. He backs up to leave, but is surprised to find the crowd has filled in behind him. Backing up had pushed him into someone, and that demon retaliates by shoving Alastor closer to the Radio Hack’s window- though Alastor is too shocked, disgusted, surprised, and enthralled by Vox’s display to retaliate back. 

VOX
(singing)
So, all you junkies, freaks and weirdos, creepers, fuck-ups, crooks and zeroes- And downfallen superheroes, help is here!

The advertisement picks up into a faster pace as Vox jumps between disparate scenes at a breakneck pace- all reflected in Alastor’s eyes.

VOX
(singing)
All of you cretins, sluts and losers, sexual deviants and boozers-
And prescription drug abusers, need not fear!

Alastor shakes his eyes free of the offending images.

VOX
(singing)
For limited time! Ten percent off thyme!
Discounts for all, buy a new shawl!
You’ll have a ball at the V Tower Mall!

The music suddenly slows as Vox takes on a more serious register. In his programme, he is ascending on an escalator in the Vee Tower Mall with the same severity as though he was rising on a cloud to the heavens. Velvette descends on an escalator behind Vox, showing off a collection of her garments.

VOX
(singing)
There'll be design attire, and bleach-dyed jeans…

Valentino descends behind Vox next, posing seductively with various other products in his four arms.

VOX
(singing)
…and puppy dog jerky, and out-of-date vaccines…

Vox pulls a over-bred pug put out from his coat

VOX
(singing)
And huffy-puffy hounds, you're gonna be like, “Wow!”

At the top of the escalator Vox strikes a pose. 

VOX
(singing)
Once you check out with meeeeeeeee~

Vox’s advert zooms out from Vox onto a scene of the mall’s entire interior below the escalator.

Alastor visibly wants to disappear from the second hand embarrassment, but his shadow’s hands appear on his shoulder to hold him in place. It giggles at Vox like a schoolgirl from where the shadow’s face is cast onto a neighboring wall. Alastor throws it a cross look. The advertisement picks back up into the fast-paced jumble of scenes and colors.

VOX
(singing)
So, all your cartoon porn collections, vegan cats, and psych prescriptions-
Dinosaur hyperfixations sold right here!
All you monsters, thieves and crazies, cannibals, and crying babies-
Frothing mouth’s full of rabies, filled with cheer!

Vox becomes visibility out of breath and his show-boat smile becomes strained. He dances a charleston with a red-striped cane and matching 1930’s top hat.

VOX
(singing)
You'll be complete, it'll be so neat-
Our service can't be beat-
you'll be on easy street, yes-
Life will be sweet at the Vee Tower Mall!

Vox ends with a cheesy slide onto his knees and a hat-toss towards the camera as the commercial cuts to black. 

TOPHAT DEMON
Wow…
[pause]
That was shit.

The group around Alastor begins hacking up their lungs with laughter at Vox’s commercial. Alastor melts into shadow and sinks away from the group. He reforms a ways away with his head in his hands… but, he can’t help but give a little chuckle and look up with some small reverence towards Vox’s V Tower. His shadow on the wall looks between Alastor and the tower expectantly.

ALASTOR
(to his shadow, with a small note of sadness)
I suppose he was always rather… entertaining, in a way… wasn’t he?

His shadow happily nods in agreement.

ALASTOR
And I do need a safe place to stay whilst I regain a foothold in Hell…

The shadow smiles wide with glee.

ALASTOR
(relenting)
Alright, alright. 

Alastor spins his radio staff and rests it over his shoulder. 

ALASTOR
Perhaps it’s time to pay an old pal a visit!

As Alastor begins his journey to the Vee’s home-base, he walks forwards and passes behind the camera. The Happy Hotel, which was previously hidden behind Alastor, is now clearly seen standing alone. A letter in its neon sign falls off and careens down the side of the building before the sign’s lights go out completely.

SCENE THREE

EXT. PENTAGRAM CITY TURF WAR AFTERMATH

A Voxtech security camera follows Alastor from above. He walks carelessly through a battlefield, skipping over long-dead egg yolks from the morning's festivities.

As the footage of Alastor’s walk zooms out, it’s revealed we are watching Alastor from a monitor in V Tower- specifically at a desk in the Vee’s penthouse.

Valentino squints at the monitor, watching a glitch moving gracefully through bodies and rubble towards the tower.

VALENTINO
(under his breath)
What the fuck…

Val hums dismissively, deciding not to pay the glitch too much mind, and turns his attention back to his phone and places another call.

VALENTINO
(his tone begins sweet and with a Spanish accent)
Angel Dust, baby, I didn’t kick you out of the tower early just so you could hide away at that shitty hotel again… 

The sound of a door opening and closing plays, then a beat-up and yawning Angel Dust begins walking across the frame behind Valentino. He stops to check his phone, but ignores it. Valentino does not notice him.

VALENTINO
(his tone transitions into his harsher American accent.)
You’re lucky Travis pays me directly for his employee discount, otherwise I’d be sending the sharks after you again… You don’t wanna start the year off on my bad side, do you? Call me soon, baby, okay? Or I’ll make sure you fucking regret it…

Angel has exited, and Val turns from the desk to step into the shared living area of the V Tower penthouse. Vox is face-down on Valentino’s fainting couch, groaning, while Velvette texts away on the sofa adjacent to it.

VALENTINO
(American accent)
Angel Dust is such a fucking whore.

VOX
(muffled)
You would know.

Valentino raises an eyebrow at Vox’s ridiculous, butt-up position.

VALENTINO
(Sweet spanish accent)
Taking a break already, papito?

VOX
(defensive)
You try nailing a choreographed commercial musical number in one take, jackass.

Val smiles and chuckles softly

VALENTINO
(Suggestively)
I know what’ll cheer you up, old man…

Velvet interjects without looking up from her phone.

VELVETTE
Ew.

Vox smiles excitedly but before he can respond, the doorbell rings. An ominous vibe descends on the room.

Vox sits up on the couch and takes out his phone. Valentino silently cozies himself up to Velvette. She smiles, but doesn't look up from her phone as she continues typing.

Vox brings up the doorbell camera app up on his phone to see the glitchy face of the Radio Demon.

ALASTOR
(distorted from the doorbell microphone)
Hel-

Vox snaps his phone in half; a shocked and harrowed expression frozen on his face. His eye twitches.

As Val opens his mouth to inquire about it, Vox takes Val’s phone and opens the app again.

ALASTOR
-lo!

Vox snaps the phone in half again.

VALENTINO
[a mothy squeak of anguish]
What was that for!?

VOX
Hey, teeeeeeeaaaam?

VELVETTE
(dismissive)
Wot?

VOX
That fucker is back!

Vox mimed a smile on his face, drawing it on with his fingers before pointing down towards the ground level where Alastor is waiting.

VALENTINO
That’s all? I could have told you that.

VOX
(yelling)
Then why was that not the first fucking thing you told me!?

Velvet finally looks up from her phone. 

VELVETTE
Who’s back?

Valentino flicks his wrist dismissively.

VALENTINO
Just some cabrón hijo de perra who owes us more than money. But we don’t have to worry about some pompous cheesy talk show shitlord because there’s no way Vox is gonna let him in.

As Val speaks, Vox grabs Velvette’s phone and speed-dials the front desk. 

VOX (INTO PHONE)
Let him in.

VALENTINO
(shocked)
You can't be serious!?

VOX
Let's just hear what he has to say! Maybe he's here to… apologize?

VALENTINO
(groaning)
Ay, Dios mío…

Velvette snatches back her phone from Vox before anything can happen to it.

Vox visibly steels himself by pulling down at the bottom of his jacket. With a stern expression starts to walk across the room, towards the hall where he plans to greet Alastor at the elevator. Al, instead, materializes from a shadow boiling up from the floor in front of Vox, near the entrance of the main room.

ALASTOR
(demonic shadow distortion)
May I speak now?

VOX
Err… You may…?

Alastor pops into full color and immediately dons a jovial and overbearingly expressive demeanor. He grasps a concerned and apprehensive Vox’s hand and shakes it in greeting.

ALASTOR
Voxander! Pleasure to be re-making your acquaintance, old pal!

Valentino looks back over the sofa with a face of disgust. Vox gives a strained, polite, but cautious smile.

ALASTOR
Excuse my sudden visit, but I saw your little fiasco on the picture show, and I just couldn't resist! What a performance! Why, I haven't been that embarrassed since… well, never!” 

Alastor lets go of Vox and brushes past him. 

ALASTOR
[chuckles]
Sooooo many morons...

Alastor is stopped in his tracks as Valentino cocks a beautiful pistol with a heart-shaped barrel in Alastor’s face.

VALENTINO
Not so fast, cariño. I know what you are: you’re a deal-maker, such as myself- and I'm not gonna let you hurt my papito or my hijita.

Alastor steps forwards and places Valentino’s gun flush with his forehead.

ALASTOR
(increasingly distorted)
Darling, if I wanted to hurt anyone here... 

The room turns dark and staticy as Alastor’s form changes into a horrifying monstrosity.

ALASTOR
(garbled static)
I would've done so already!

Vox, eyes wide, steps between the two of them and moves Valentino’s gun up to not point at Alastor.

VOX
Woah woah woah, let’s not be hasty. We’re all gentlemen here…

VELVETTE
(yelling from off screen)
And gentlewomen!

Vox turns to address Alastor specifically.

VOX
Before I kill you, can I ask what the fuck are you doing here?

ALASTOR
I'm here to help with these ridiculous things you're trying to sell! This capitalist dystopia! I want to help promote it!”

Alastor walks past Valentino into the penthouse living room proper. Vox follows him.

VOX
Ex-fucking-scuse me?

VALENTINO
Why???

ALASTOR
Why does anyone do anything? Sheer, absolute boredom!

Alastor pretends to faint onto Valentino’s empty fainting couch. 

ALASTOR
I've lacked inspiration for decades. My work became mundane, lacking focus… aimless! I've come to crave a new form of entertainment… so I thought I might finally try… television!

Alastor opens his eyes to look at Vox with a sly and taunting smile.

VOX
(sarcastic)
Yeah…

Vox punctuates his next sentence with sarcastic jazz hands.

VOX (CONT.)
(mocking Alastor)
Because, after all, the world is a stage and the stage is a world of entertainment.

Vox crosses his arms. 

VOX (CONT.)
You’ve used that line on me before.

Velvette continues not paying attention.

VALENTINO
(accusatory)
He’s just looking for a free place to stay like the little leech he always was…

Alastor jumps off the couch.

ALASTOR
Heavens, no! I intend to earn my keep! I’ve always been a man of my word, haven’t I, Voxxy?

Vox’s eyes narrow.

ALASTOR (CONT.)
Consider my help an investment in ongoing entertainment for myself!

Alastor steps in from off-screen next to Vox, covering an impossible distance (to Vox’s surprise) and wraps one arm around his old friend. He uses the other to gesture for emphasis.

ALASTOR
I want to watch the scum of the world struggle to climb up the hill of artificial trends only to repeatedly trip and tumble down to the fiery pit of planned obsolescence!
(quietly teasing)
They just don’t make ‘em like me anymore, I’m sure you’re aware.

Vox gives Alastor a done-with, almost offended look, but Velvette hums as though she’s thoroughly impressed with Alastor’s grasp of modern economics.

Valentino drags Vox out of Alastor’s grip and into a quiet corner.

VALENTINO
(whispering)
Vox, listen to me. You can't trust this creep! You remember what he did to you? To us? He's a traitorous sack of shit- And is most likely only here to destroy everything we've built together since he betrayed us the first time!

Vox sighs and looks over his shoulder to Alastor, who is inspecting the slutty posters on the wall with a mix of confusion and disgust. 

VOX
(whispering)
You’re definitely right, but… he’s the most powerful demon in Hell! This could be the advertising opportunity of a lifetime!

VALENTINO
(exasperated)
Vox! 

Valentino lifts his little television off the floor in two hands to speak directly into Vox’s face.

VALENTINO (CONT.)
Whatever you do, do not make a deal with him!

VOX
Relax, Val.

Vox rolls his eyes and smiles reassuringly.

VOX
I’m not a fucking idiot.

Vox turns to pure electricity and zaps into a looming security camera above before zipping out of Velvette’s phone, into the center of the living room, behind Alastor. Alastor turns to face him.

VOX
Alright, Al. You’re sketchy as fuck and you clearly still think I’m just a fucking joke to you-

Alastor’s laugh track plays briefly before Vox’s furious, sour expression cuts Alastor off.

VOX (CONT.)
But I’m not. I’ve got a fantastic business going here, and it can only go up. So, I'm taking your offer to help- on the condition that if you want to fuck with us-

Vox steps closer to Alastor, filling Alastor’s vision with his stern, challenging look.

VOX (CONT.)
You fuck with us by my rules, got it?”

ALASTOR
So, it's a deal, then?

Alastor lifts a hand to shake as the walls begin melting in the green hue which Alastor’s wicked smile summons.

VOX
What did I just say?

Before Alastor can respond, Vox summons a digital stylus in a spark of light and slaps it into Alastor’s open hand. 

VOX (CONT.)
This- 

Vox pulls up a work agreement on his digital face. 

VOX (CONT.)
-is a completely kosher sponsorship arrangement. As an honorary Vee, you’ll receive full room and board here at the penthouse, plus an allowance of 300 soul per week-

Vox scrolls the agreement by flicking his finger on his face. 

VOX (CONT.)
-in exchange for one hundred seconds of prime airtime on your infamous Radio Show, seven days a week, exclusively for Voxtek and our sister-company products. But, as a freelancer, you’ll be responsible for managing invoices and filing your own taxes. You can quit at any time, but I can fire you at any time, too, got it?

Alastor fiddles with his monocle as he looks over the agreement.

ALASTOR
I’ll need assurances that my family-friendly broadcast won’t be advertising anything… 

Alastor looks over to Valentino and eyes him up and down.

ALASTOR (CONT.)
…FCC noncompliant.

Vox’s Clippy-sona on the document rolls its eyes. Vox speaks with hand gestures.

VOX
Nothing about your show is family-friendly, but fine… prude-approved products and services only.

ALASTOR
Seven days a week seems a little unreasonable…

VOX
It’s less than two minutes of work a day.

ALASTOR
Humm… fair enough!

Alastor shrugs and marks an “X” on the work agreement. It glitches red as the contract fades and Vox’s face reappears. He gives two thumbs up.

VOX
Cool beans.

Alastor hums and walks away to continue the inspection of his new living quarters near the large bay windows. As he passes Valentino, he stops and spies the moth’s furious expression.

ALASTOR
Smile, my dear!

Alastor reaches up and tickles the underside of Valentino's chin.

ALASTOR
You know you're never fully dressed without one!

VALENTINO
Vox! Do something!!!

VOX
(thinking)
You’re right, we should do something- this is a momentous occasion! Velvette! Take a picture of us to commemorate the beginnings of a beautiful new business relationship!

VALENTINO
(hurt and confused)
What?

Vox snakes an arm around Alastor’s waist and drags him close in front of the windows. The contact makes Alastor’s hair stand on end.

VOX
Put ‘er there, partner.

Vox grasps Alastor’s hand. Alastor smiles a strained smile as Velvette takes the photo.

When the shutter opens, Alastor is furious and has Vox restrained in a cocoon of tentacles.

ALASTOR
(distorted)
Never touch me again, thank you.

VOX
You’re the boss. Oh wait, actually, I think that’s me.

Alastor’s tentacles recede.

ALASTOR
In your perverted fantasies, maybe.

Vox follows Alastor as he trots out of the scene. Pan to Velvette.

Velvette is adding stickers and hearts to the Sinstagram photo. She reads for an audio caption out loud.

VELVETTE
Has Hell’s hottest Media Demon gotten back with his ex???

VALENTINO
No, he hasn’t! Delete that!

VELVETTE
Follow for updates to this continuously developing story!

Valentino screams.

SCENE FOUR

On the other side of the penthouse across the living room area, Alastor climbs up a spiral staircase in front of the kitchen and spies three doors at the end of the second floor balcony: the Vee’s bedrooms.

ALASTOR
So; in which one of these will I be staying? Probably yours, I presume?

Vox steps out from behind Alastor on his little tour.

VOX
(nonchalant)
What gave you the impression that I’m sooooooooooo obsessed with you?

Alastor’s eyes quickly flicker down and back up. Vox angrily blushes and ignores him as he steps through, in front of Al, and turns back to face him.

VOX
You'll be rooming with Val, obviously.

Vox opens the middle door for Alastor like a gentleman and gestures for Al to enter. Alastor steps in and looks out onto the sea of pink, mess of sex toys, and stench of sweat.

ALASTOR
Well, this just won't do!

Alastor summons his microphone staff. 

ALASTOR (CONT.)
I suppose I can cash in a few favors to liven things up…

Alastor snaps his fingers and the right side of the room opposite Valentino’s large, pink, heart-shaped bed is transformed into a swampy green space. There’s suddenly an old fashioned fireplace in the middle of the room, against the furthest wall from the door- with cushioned reading chairs in front of it. The right wall is lined with a desk and rickety old wardrobe, and a mattress floats in a pool of alligator-infested water. A small waterfall feeds the pool as Alastor’s headboard, above which a forest seems to extend out endlessly into what was once the wall. On the wall shared with the door appeared a bar with a disoriented winged cat stationed behind it.

HUSK
What the fuck is this?

ALASTOR
Why hello, Husker. Fancy meeting you here! 

Alastor leans on the bar and gives a manic little chuckle.

Husk facepalms angrily.

HUSK
What the hell do you want with me this time?

ALASTOR
My friend, I am doing a little freelance work at the moment, so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services! I hope that's okay?

HUSK
(angry)
Are you shittin' me?!

ALASTOR
Hmm... No, I don't think so!

Husk grasps Alastor’s lapels and gets into his face.

HUSK
You thought it'd be some kind of big fucking riot just to pull me out of nowhere?!
You think I'm some kind of fucking clown?!

Vox noisily pours himself a drink.

VOX
He thinks I’m a clown, too, if it helps.

Husk seems flabbergasted to see Vox. Alastor laughs and replies to Vox.

ALASTOR
Maybe!

HUSK
Well, I ain't doing no fucking charity job.

VOX
I’ll give you a standard hourly rate, just clock in your hours at the front desk.

ALASTOR
(looking confused)
Are you sure? Husker usually does anything for a bottle of cheap booze.

Vox shrugs.

VOX
I sign the checks of Valentino’s pet, so it's only fair I employ yours.

HUSK
Oh, I get it…

Husk gestures with one hand to Vox and covers the side of his mouth with the other to whisper to Alastor.

HUSK
Is this guy now your sugar daddy or somethin’?

Alastor makes a horrified expression with his smile and Vox spit-takes his alcohol.

ALASTOR
Ha! No!

Vox’s face turns back into a fresh contract.

VOX
Just sign this work agreement before I change my mind!

HUSK
What? You think you can buy me with-

Husk squints as he reads the contract on Vox’s face.

HUSK
(reading)
- one point five Soul an hour, adjusted per quarter for inflation, three weeks of holiday pay a year and full health insurance with a copay below 200 Soul… 

Husk marks an X on the work agreement with a claw.

HUSK
...Well, you can!

As Vox’s face reappears, Alastor addresses him and gestures to the new room.

ALASTOR
So, whaddaya think?

VOX
This… is… amazing! I might have to spend more time in here.

ALASTOR
There's just one little thing I've almost forgotten… 

Alastor leaves the bar and walks over to his fireplace. He takes out the sooty body of a small, impish demon.

ALASTOR
This little darling is Niffty! 

Niffty shakes off the soot and puffs up into a little pink girly girl. Alastor drops her on the floor.

NIFFTY
Hi, I'm Niffty! It's nice to meet you! It's been a while since I've made new friends! Oooo, is that a bad boy?

Niffty zips onto the bar and into Vox’s face.

NIFFTY (CONT.)
Are you single?

VOX
(unsure how to answer that)
Err…

NIFFTY
I'm sorry, that was rude!

Niffty pauses to look around the shared bedroom.

NIFFTY (CONT.)
Oooh, man! This place is filthy! It really needs a lady's touch! Which is understandable because you’re all men, no offense. Oh, my gosh! This is awful! 

Niffty starts organizing Valentio’s dildos and pulls a messy sheet off his bed, revealing a mostly naked ANGEL DUST.

NIFFTY (CONT.)
(scream)
A bug!

Niffty’s scream awakens Angel Dust in a fright and he’s only just barely able to dodge the first needle’s stab into his pillow. Niffty had taken out a needle to dispatch the house-pest. She poked at him relentlessly, but Angel’s nimble body is able to deftly dodge every stab.

NIFFTY (CONT.)
Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nasty bug!

Alastor raises an eyebrow at the vulgar display while Vox laughs his ass off. 

Valentino then enters the room and shrieks.

VALENTINO
What have you done!? Mi hermosa habitación!

The gleam of Niffty’s needle flashes in Valentino’s glasses.

NIFFTY
(gasping)
Oh no! There's an even bigger, uglier bug!

VALENTINO
(yelling in fear)
Papito!?

Vox steps in front of Valentino as Niffty scuttles towards him.

VOX
(yelling)
Stop!

Surprisingly, Niffty does stop. Her eye gets small as a pin-prick and she loses the ability to speak. Her needle falls out of her hand. Vox gives a confused but concerned expression at what appears to be her severe stage-fright. Angel Dust covers himself back up in the bed sheets.

ANGEL DUST
What the fuck is going on in here!?

Alastor laughs and steps in between Vox and Valentino for a group hug.

ALASTOR
[laughs]
Something that’s going to be very entertaining!

Punchy musical instruments begin to play as a percussion band marches out of the fireplace, alligator pool, and forest. Angel Dust looks on at them in exhausted disbelief.

ALASTOR
(singing the reprise of Inside Of Every Demon is a Rainbow/ Inside Of Every Demon is a Lost Cause)
You have a scheme… you wish to sell…

Alastor magics neon retro 1930s garments onto everyone in the room.

ALASTOR
(singing)
And it’s just laughable, but hey, kid, what the hell?

Alastor takes Vox away from Valentino and spins him into a dance.

ALASTOR
(singing)
Cause you’re one of a kind, a charming television-
Now let’s make these burning fools pay our commission~!
Take it, boys!

Valentino looks around like, “What the fuck is going on?” as the room shifts and melts into neon colors. Vox begins to enjoy himself as he dances with Alastor.

ALASTOR
(singing)
Inside of every gizmo is a lost screw, ha!
But the one who’s really screwed here won’t be you!, (really screwed!)
No, we’ll market all this old junk with nostalgic retro flair,
And write a hundred thousand fake five star reviews (star reviews!)

Vox smiles at Alastor in a sweet and hopeful way.

ALASTOR (CONT.)
(singing)
With your Radio Star, I’m sure your plan’s no flaw
They’ll spend all of their Soul down at this V Tower M—

SCENE FIVE

A sudden explosion rocks the entire V Tower, cutting Alastor’s song short. Niffty is squashed by debris flying through the open door. Alastor and Vox shadow-teleport and zap respectively into the living room while Valentino runs out of his room to the railing of the second-floor balcony. We see over Valentino’s shoulder that the penthouse window where Alastor and Vox took their photo earlier has almost entirely vanished along with much of the floor. Velvette sits on the couch with her feet dangling over a 200 feet drop, totally unphased and still tapping away on her phone. Wind tussles her hair. Alastor and Vox strike a hauntingly well-choreographed fighting pose together, covering each other's backs as though they’ve done so a hundred times before. Rising into view beyond the gaping hole in the penthouse is a hastily repaired steampunk airship.

SIR PENTIOUS
Hah! Well, well, well. Look who it is harboring the striped freak! We meet yet again, Alastor!

Alastor cocks his head to the side.

ALASTOR
Do I know you?

SIR PENTIOUS
(visibily deflated)
Oh, yes, you do! And this time, I have the element of- 

He pulls a lever.

SIR PENTIOUS (CONT.)
-Surprise! Ahaha! I'm so evil!

Alastor snaps his fingers and a portal forms on the ground below Pentious’ blimp. As Pentious’ attack charges, a ginormous shark-like creature whose flesh is a writhing mass of tentacles leaps out of the portal like a whale breaching the surface of the ocean. Its wide-open maw slowly closes around its prey- its movements slowed by air resistance to its sheer mass. Many millions of teeth clench into the airship and the beast’s weight drags Pentious down into the portal from which it came. Sir Pentious’ screams are heard all the way down- until Alastor closes the portal on him.

Alastor smiles. Valentino blinks in shock. Velvette still hasn’t looked up from her phone. Vox is just annoyed.

VOX
Fucking show off.

Alastor ignores him.

ALASTOR
(happily)
Well, I'm starved! 

We watch from outside the gaping hole as Alastor turns from the open wound in the building to usher Vox, with an arm around his shoulder, towards the kitchen under the balcony. The camera slowly pans up from the view inside the penthouse to the Vee’s neon sign as Alastor continues speaking.

ALASTOR (CONT.)
Who wants some Jambalaya? My mother once showed me a wonderful recipe for Jambalaya. In fact, it nearly killed her! Hahaha! You could say the kick was right out of Hell! Ohoho, I'm on a roll! Yes, sir! This is the start of some real changes down here! The game is set! Now…

In a flash of lightning, Alastor adds his name to the neon VVV Sign above the penthouse.

ALASTOR (CONT.)
(sinisterly)
Stay tuned… ha ha ha ha ha…

TAG

Alastor washes his dishes in the Penthouse sink when Vox comes in with his empty plate.

VOX
Why are you washing the dishes? Isn’t that a woman’s job?

ALASTOR
Niffty seems too enthralled by your security cameras to work, so…

VOX
You don’t have to do that, let me help you.

Vox steps in close behind Alastor and dips his hands into the sink.

ALASTOR
No touching, remember.

VOX
I’m not.

Alastor hums as though he supposes Vox isn’t lying, exactly. They awkwardly clean dishes together.

ALASTOR
Always “give an inch, take a mile” with you.

VOX
Oh, I’ve got some inches for you, if you want.

ALASTOR
See what I mean?

VOX
[Pause]
No, not really.

Valentino throws his plate into the sink from up high, splashing them both.

VALENTINO
(sarcastically)
Whoops.

VOX
(annoyed)
What the hell, Val!?

Alastor wipes the foamy mustache off his face with a towel as Vox steps back and follows the pissed-off moth out of the kitchen. Before he leaves, he addresses Alastor with an apologetic smile.

VOX
Sorry, I gotta take care of this before he starts killing the decent employees, too.

Alastor hums an acknowledgement. His shadow appears on the wall behind him as Vox is leaving, giggling at Alastor’s soggy appearance.

ALASTOR
I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself, dear, but don’t go and start getting sentimental.

Alastor turns back to the washing up, his smile- but not his eyes- is reflected in the water.

ALASTOR (CONT.)
He’s nothing more than a means to an end- and you’d best not forget it.

A drop of water disturbs the surface.

CUT TO BLACK

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