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Relentless rain drummed against the windows of his apartment. Every single drop of it was a reminder of the cold that had seeped into his bones earlier that week, the reason for his current situation. The streets of Yokohama, usually bustling with life, were now eerily quiet and shrouded in a low-hanging mist under the heavy weight of the storm raging. Chuuya sat hunched on his couch a thick blanket falling past his shoulders to try and keep as much of the heat he produced inside, as he shivered through the onset of a fever he knew was coming.
His head was pounding, each throb a reminder of the last time he felt this way. The apartment didn’t help making him feel better either. It felt much emptier than usual, the shadows darker and seemingly longer, and the light dim, filling him with a devastating sense of helplessness. In times like these, he wished his life had taken a different turn, carrying him somewhere, where people showed care instead of casting him aside whenever he wasn’t deemed useful anymore.
Chuuya pulled the blanket tighter when his breath turned shallow and much more labored than before. There was no escape from his situation, he merely had to, sweat and wait it out. Able to feel the fever rise, getting worse with every single breath he took, Chuuya could feel his body start trembling from exhaustion. Maybe… maybe he should call someone for help as he wasn’t even entirely sure how he was going to make it into bed. On the other hand, asking for help - even just considering it - made the young redhead grimace and groan from the embarrassment of even thinking about it.
The mere thought of having to admit how bad his condition was and how weak he was truly feeling, went against his very soul. Therefore, he leaned back and pressed a hot, sweaty temple into the cushion behind his back, feeling the exhaustion take control of his body as he sagged, laying there. If Chuuya got lucky, the fever would make him pass out and he’d get over this silly little sickness without feeling it. Instead, he’d be blissed out, enjoying the sweet nectar of proper unconsciousness.
Outside the apartment, the rain continued to fall. It poured down onto the streets relentlessly without care for whom it might inconvenience. While the cold, wet outside world kept most sane people inside of their homes, one person seemed to have a clear destination in mind, their footsteps wading through puddles and dirt alike.
The night progressed quickly, leading to the fog getting thicker and even more impenetrable than it had been all day. The cold seeped through the cracks in Chuuya’s blanket, no matter how hard he tried to keep it tight and closed around his body. His face twisted in grimace whenever he moved as he tried to ignore his heart racing in his chest, setting a quicker rhythm than the rain against his window did.
While there was something generally dark and terrifying about feeling the body shut down, incapable of regulating itself anymore, to Chuuya that carried even more meaning. He felt hot, burning up underneath the blanket, letting out desperate, exhausted pants, all while his body was shivering with every single bit of air slipping into his cocoon. As if that weren’t enough yet, his skin, muscles and bones hurt whenever he moved, making it close to impossible to do anything apart from succumbing to his fate and suffering the consequences of a mission out in the storm.
The longer he laid on the couch, the more his ears started to ring and get stuffed too. With his senses failing him, Chuuya missed the familiar click of a lock being picked and a door opening. He was left fully unaware of wet footsteps reaching his hallways and a coat being hung over the rack by the door. Ragged breaths filled the living room as the door swung open and bloodshot eyes tried to recognize the figure standing in his doorway.
From his perspective, with the way there was barely any light illuminating the person watching him, it could just as well have been the Grim Reaper, arriving to take his soul into the afterlife with him, thus ending the misery Chuuya was suffering. Unfortunately, though, that wasn’t the case. The figure drew closer, their footsteps inaudible through the rain pounding against the window and the ongoing ringing in Chuuya’s ears. His breath quickened as he attempted to sort through his clouded mind, which, resembling the mist in the streets made it quite hard for him to grasp a single thought.
How was he supposed to defend himself when the mere thought of moving filled him with nothing but dread? A feeling that proceeded to spread, filling his body with the same cold as the storm had, leading to his demise. Gathering all his strength, he parted his lips, locking his jaw enough to keep his teeth from chattering and revealing the true state of his condition.
“Fuck off- I’m not in the m-mood for a fight.” It was a feeble attempt to get the intruder to rethink his actions and turn back. If he could just get him to leave this fight for another time it would be fine. Unfortunately, his body betrayed him, as his voice carried a trembling tone and a stutter too.
“My god, you’re burning up, Chibi…” A familiar voice spoke and finally, Chuuya knew who he was dealing with. A bold of lightning struck outside, momentarily illuminating the room enough for his gaze to match Dazai’s.
“What do y-you want here?” The hoarseness in his voice mirrored the exhaustion he felt down to his bones, making his words come out much harsher and dismissive than he had planned them to.
“You’re sick and I know you’re an incredibly stubborn little slug. So I’m here to force you to accept my help since you have no choice but to do so, and as a treat, I’ll allow you to yell at me for a little.” The smirk on that bastard's face was a little too wide for Chuuya to expect no ulterior motive.
Still…
Help would be appreciated quite a lot. Sadly, Chuuya wasn’t going to accept it, not without fighting it at least. Therefore, it barely mattered how happy he truly felt within the depths of his heart, as he would never admit to that, ever. “You’re not supposed to be here… You’re n-not even supposed to know where I live, asshole.” Chuuya’s voice wavered, barely making it through the sentence before his jaw unlocked and his teeth started chattering.
“Well, that’s just something you’ll have to live with for now. I’ll touch you now, is that alright, Chibi?” Dazai asking permission before touching him was… odd but Chuuya welcomed it since it allowed him to clarify things.
“Why the fuck d- do you wanna t-touch me?” His head spun merely thinking about the reasons for that, many of them more than just unlikely, others unappreciated.
“Because you belong in your bed, not on the couch,” Dazai responded easily, opening his arms. “So I’d like to get you into bed for you to get some rest while I prepare a few things. May I?”
There was a fair bit of hesitation before Chuuya agreed with a huff. “Whatever.” He dismissed the other’s carefulness and turned his head away, barely able to keep it held up front like that for any longer.
It merely took a few erratic heartbeats for Dazai to sling his arms underneath Chuuya’s wrapped body, easily lifting the smaller man into his arms. The touch hurt his sensitive body, causing him to let out a soft groan as his heavy head fell against the man’s shoulder. No strength was left in him, he was a slave to his needs, a broken man destined to wait for everything to be over.
With one arm slung under Chuuya’s legs and the other holding his torso angled against Dazai’s chest, Chuuya could feel himself relax. It was somehow easier to let go in this position as it had been on the couch. As much as he wanted to kick Dazai’s head in on a regular day, as much as he wanted to hate him being here to take care of him; his body loved every moment of it, soaking it up like a dry sponge.
The short up-and-down movement turned into a steady back-and-forth now, as Dazai started walking. It made Chuuya feel dizzy, even though they weren’t moving for longer than a minute or two. It also didn’t help that he needed to keep his eyes closed since his stuffed ears in combination with the swaying would most likely end up making him sick too.
Fortunately for Chuuya, they quickly reached their destination - his bed - where Dazai set him down whilst eliciting a soft sigh. “Speaking about things one is not supposed to do or be…” Dazai chuckled as he glanced down at Chuuya, barely able to keep his eyes open anymore. “You’re not supposed to be alone when you’re not doing well. Who knows what could happen…”
Naturally, Dazai wasn’t wrong. But knowing that didn’t mean Chuuya wouldn’t go out of his way to ensure he fought him on it every single time. “Doesn’t matter to you though, does it?” Chuuya spat back, rolling onto his side with the last little bit of strength left in him before melting into the mattress. “I’m fine on my own.”
A beat of silence stretched between them although it was doomed to be broken from the very beginning. After all, neither of them were known for letting the other have the last word. “You know Chibi…” That stupid nickname had Chuuya groaning and pulling the blanket over his head in a feeble attempt to escape the other's words before he could speak them. “If you truly wanted me to go, I would go. However, you haven’t made me, so I’m staying.”
What an ass. Once again, Dazai was correct. Chuuya would be able to make the other leave if he truly didn’t want him to be there, but he didn’t need to say it out loud like that… Simply an unnecessary way of making Chuuya feel weak and dumb again.
While the rain was still hammering against the window pane, continuously trying its hardest to get past the invisible barrier and drench all of them down to the bones once more. Dazai, having successfully placed Chuuya on the bed, had turned to busy himself with all kinds of stuff. First, he built a little blanket tent spanning over the bed which provided even more darkness than before. After he did that, Dazai disappeared beyond the bedroom, leaving Chuuya to fend for himself for quite a while, doing god knew what.
On any other day, where he’d have the energy left to care, Chuuya would have followed after him, making a fuss about where he was going and what kind of dumb stuff he was getting into. Today though, he accepted his fate and curled up underneath the three blankets that were covering him now. He closed his eyes as he trembled his way through a new shivering fit.
As soon as his eyes fell shut and his body started shaking, he could feel the world begin to spin as a means of adding to his misery. Being on a rollercoaster could be fun in the right mindset, but it definitely wasn’t great to feel it happen at a time when he had already fought nausea for a good moment. It truly didn’t come to anyone’s surprise that not only was there misery and aches joining him in his head but the nausea returned whilst Chuuya did his best to try and stay put, breathing through the mess.
Luckily for him, there was noise coming from the kitchen, that did a great job of mixing with the constant pitter-patter of the rain against the window. Two sounds, which, put together were aiding him to shut his mind off more with every breath he inhaled before exhaling. The nausea and headaches might prevail, however, he was no stranger to falling asleep with multiple pains still existing in his body as he did. Which meant it didn’t take much longer than a few minutes before his mind shut off as the shivers finally stopped.
As he opened his eyes, the same emotions and troubles were still everpresent, joined with so much more that only helped him want to curl up and cry. Where there’d been a nice darkness spreading its coat all around his body, Chuuya was now met with a sharp, bright light shining right into the little tent Dazai had built for him. To avoid the light from sending more piercing pains through his skull, Chuuya groaned softly and squeezed his eyes shut even more, turning his head to rub his face into the mattress below to ensure the light had no more place to touch him.
“Too loud?” Dazai’s voice rang from above his head, almost making Chuuya jump on the spot. Not surprising enough to make him look up though.
“Light…” He showed quite some grace for replying although Dazai didn’t deserve it. One big inhale led to an even longer and more relaxing exhale as he settled down again, deciding that taking another little nap wasn’t the worst idea ever. The longer he mulled it over in his foggy mind, the better it started to sound.
“I see… I can’t really dim it any further though. I need to see you to be able to feed you properly. Otherwise, I’d start dropping food on top of you and that would simply be something I’d like to avoid.” While the other was speaking a weight suddenly appeared on Chuuya’s back. One that had been there all along but was only now being recognizable as something not belonging to him. The longer it moved, the more Chuuya became aware of a vague outline of fingers and a palm.
Dazai was petting him. Stroking his back and everything.
Undoubtedly a good feeling, creating a nice relaxing feeling in him and thickening the fuzziness of his mind even more as he just succumbed to the pleasure of the feelings the other was creating within him. Melting further into the mattress below came with another surprising realization: said mattress had been moving all this time. Tensing and shifting, moving up and down with the rhythm of Dazai’s movements.
After another moment of gathering his strength to move and shift, Chuuya opened his eyes and recognized the lanky legs underneath him. He laid in Dazai’s lap, currently found snuggling up to the man’s thigh which was what he had assumed to be the mattress underneath him.
“Feed me?” Lagging a little behind in their conversation, Chuuya’s mind only now registered the words the other had said, momentarily distracted from where he was situated. In dire need of more information on what was happening, his eyes blinked a few times, attempting to adjust to the light a little more. Instead of a proper answer, a pair of chopsticks appeared in his field of vision, carrying a portion of rice alongside some seaweed.
“Feed you,” Dazai confirmed. “Open up, slug. Otherwise, I’ll end up dropping stuff on you after all.” The snicker originating from the man above and behind him - almost all around him considering there could be a point made of Dazai being in front of him too - had Chuuya debate whether or not he should smack that hand away. However, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to get the right aim down. After all, his arms and legs felt like heavy loads of jelly.
Not wanting to have any food dropping on him or the bed though, he put the thought aside and parted his lips instead, allowing the other man to feed him whatever he had made for him. The saltiness of the soy sauce mixed with the smooth taste of the rice and the sweet notes of the seaweed salad had Chuuya’s mouth begin to water rather quickly, yearning for more of the delicious meal. It only now dawned on him, due to his stomach growling, that he hadn’t eaten in over two days.
“There you go... Atta boy. And again.” Right above him, Dazai was holding one of Chuuya’s dark blue bowls, which he used to let food spawn on those chopsticks time and time again. If the food hadn’t been this delicious and Chuuya hadn’t been as exhausted as he was, he would have insisted on feeding himself. Admittedly, it felt good to be cared for this way. Even more so because it made him think about times when times used to be a little easier.
After a while, Chuuya stopped readily opening his mouth to accept more food, taking longer breaks in between, before he finally turned his head away. His stomach was filling up and keeping his head up was getting more and more exhausting as well. “What? All done already?” Even though it sounded like Dazai wasn’t happy about it, the man was already setting the bowl aside on the nightstand and out of Chuuya’s field of vision.
Huffing softly in return, Chuuya let his head drop against the other’s thigh again, too tired and void of energy to move around. “I feel like I ate three times what I should in my condition.”
“Well, it depends… You ate half the bowl, which I’d consider a good amount for now. I’ll make you eat the rest later though. YOu need the energy to recover. But don’t worry I’ll ask you again in a few hours, not minutes.” The way Dazai said it showed that there was little to no room for discussion on the topic which clarified two things. Firstly, Chuuya would have to eat the rest of the bowl later; he knew how annoyingly persistent that lanky bastard could be if he wanted to. Secondly and… almost more importantly: It meant that Dazai would stay here until then.
“You know…” Even though he could feel his body beg him for some more sleep, he felt good enough to keep talking just a little bit. “You never really answered why you’re here.”
“Actually, I did.” Instead of an annoying answer, a concerned face appeared in Chuuya’s field of vision as Dazai leaned forward to take a proper look at him. “You remember our conversation, don’t you?”
The concern on the man’s face and in his gaze was a little too much for Chuuya. “Of course I do, fuck off.” His hand shot up to push that cute stupid face away. “Just don’t believe that you do anything without having an ulterior motive. Not that you’d ever actually admitted to it, I want you to spit it out now. I have the right to know. Else I’ll make you leave.”
There it was again, that beat of silence spreading between the old friends, waiting for one of them to break it as they just stared at one another. A gaze of concern and worry that was so very unusual to see meeting one of frustration and annoyance - much more usual. The silence persisted for a moment before the worry and concern vanished. Though one could think it was replaced by the wide smirk in its place, Chuuya knew better. Chuuya knew that it was hidden instead.
“Oh Chibi… As if you were able to make me do anything in your current situation. You can barely raise your head without me helping you keep it upright.”
Before Chuuya had the chance to prove him wrong - and he surely would have been able to Dazai already pulled him up and against his chest, folding his arms around Chuuya’s body, effectively caging him in and rendering him fully immobile. “I mean it though.” he continued on. “I’m here to help because I know you’d never even consider asking for it, no matter how bad you need it. Also… because I haven’t been here for a while and I know how much my Chibi misses me~”
Letting out a dry chuckle at that, Chuuya shifted ever so slightly, adjusting to the new seating arrangement until he was comfortably slotted into the other’s chest. “I don’t fucking miss you, bastard. I see you every other week at work where you make life a living hell for me. That’s already enough of you, trust me.”
A lie. A proper one and yet Chuuya was sure that Dazai was able to see right through it. Like he always did.
“Of course you don’t,” Dazai snorted out, humming his next words. “You don’t miss the way we’re sitting right now, don’t you? Don’t miss feeling me so close…”
“No I fucking don’t.” It was harder and harder to focus on the conversation, his head aching from the light and all the stimulation coming in. Just like his heart was overwhelmed with the onslaught of feelings, mercilessly rushing through him as he tried to keep them away. Keep them bottled up.
“Then tell me.” Now Dazai’s voice sounded muffled, warm breath fanning against Chuuya’s scalp right where the man pressed his face into sweaty red hair. “Why did you mutter my name while you were sleeping? Shuddering and shivering whenever I stopped touching or speaking to you?”
Chuuya’s breath stalled.
“Why did you almost start crying when I needed to leave you alone for a moment because I forgot the chopsticks?”
While Chuuya’s face had been flushed from the fever and sickness all day long, that was in no way comparable to the color of his cheeks listening to Dazai’s words. Unable to tell if Dazai was lying or if he’d done what the man said, he could only deny that it happened, no matter how plausible it might be.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Tilting his head even further down and therefore away from the other man, Chuuya huffed to himself. “You’re just trying to piss me off because you’re an ass. So shut up and stop it, it won’t work either way.”
“Actually~ I’m not.” That sincerity found in Dazai’s voice stole Chuuya’s breath right out of his lungs, leaving him hopelessly breathless, struggling to concentrate. “Not joking, pulling your leg or anything else like that. I am simply happy that no matter how much and how loud you bark at me, you still trust me all the same. Just like you always have.”
And there was the reason for his sudden breathlessness: the reminder of what they used to have. Something that Chuuya spent way too much time thinking about than he’d like to admit, yearning those times even more so now than usual. Chuuya’s gaze fell to the side, right onto the blue bowl half-filled with rice and seaweed salad as he tried his best to find something in his muddled mind to change the topic of the conversation. “You actually cooked that? I thought you weren’t capable of that.”
“Just because I never do it, doesn’t mean I’m incapable.” Laughing, Dazai shifted behind him, probably looking at the bowl as well, judging by the sound of his voice. “Started learning how to make easy rice bowls because they’re the favorite of someone we both know. Also because they’re nice and cheap.”
Rice bowls…
With his stomach so full, his body started to work on breaking down the easily digested contents of it. As good as it was, breaking down his meal in order to create strength from it, it took quite a bit of energy to do so. Something that was quite scarce within Chuuya, leading to the young mafioso yawning softly.
His thoughts slowed down too, getting increasingly hard to organize and focus on. The ones he was able to catch were quite useless too. An amalgamation of irrational needs and wishes. ‘Dazai is being nice’, ‘Why is he here?’, ‘That food was so good, I want more’, ‘Datai smells so good…’, ‘Does anyone else love rice bowls?’, ‘I love rice bowls…’, ‘Dazai feels so good-’, ‘So warm and… soft……’
“Your food sucked…” Chuuya muttered, his eyes falling shut once more, this time without him forcing them to.
“Interesting… the little moans in between the bites tell a different story, but I’ll take the criticism and will improve next time, I promise~” The little chuckle accompanying the other man’s words was making Chuuya smile no matter how much he tried to resist the urge. “Are you drifting off again, Chibi?”
Instead of a proper answer, Chuuya simply relaxed his head and leaned it back against Dazai’s shoulder with a soft little hum. A teeny tiny one that meant absolutely nothing.
“Alright then. I’ll be right here when you wake up, pretty boy.” Dazai’s voice already sounded so far away, as if the man was talking to him from a different dimension. “Rest some more. Relax for me. You’re safe and no one will touch you as long as I’m here, Chuuya…”
You’re safe.
That was the very first thing he remembered as he shifted back into consciousness, his mind still swimming with countless thoughts, his throat dry and the world itself out of order. Unable to tell where up, down, left or right were, Chuuya let out a soft noise of overwhelm as he tried to lift his head into any direction.
“Shhh… You’re okay, Chibi.” There it was again, this time a real instance of Dazai’s voice and not the floating memory of it. The sound of it, so clear and reassuring, eased Chuuya back into relaxation. Being given the space and time to think about why exactly the world felt out of order, had him realize that he was, once again, situated on top of Dazai’s body.
Only a few moments later, long arms wrapped around his slender, weak body and Chuuya had to admit that it felt rather nice, laying like this. When Dazai spoke, he could feel the man’s voice vibrate through his body, making the entire position even more cozy.
“You slept for quite a while… how are you feeling now?” Just like that, Chuuya had an easier time listening to the voice in Dazai’s chest than waiting for the words to come out of the man’s mouth. Almost as if he could feel what he wanted to say. Once more making him smile.
“Good…” he whispered right back, although that wasn’t entirely true. Chuuya felt hot and was still quite feverish. So much that he could actively feel his body be out of balance with itself. However, that mattered very little in comparison to how good it made him feel to be able to lay on Dazai like this. Feeling and smelling the man all around him. “Feeling good…”
“Alright if you say so…” The grin was audible in the man’s words, giving a foretaste of what was yet to come. “In that case, I can get up and busy myself with something else then?”
“No!” Chuuya immediately exclaimed, his hands fisting into the fabric of Dazai’s shirt, ensuring that the bastard wouldn’t move a single inch and destroy the good sensations all around.
“Oooh~” More humming ensued. “No moving then… how about I just lay here and watch you sleep some more, then?”
“Yeah…” Not a single cell in his body wanted to fight that. All Chuuya wanted was to enjoy this safety and happiness for as long as he could. Having gotten rid of the shivers and shaking Chuuya was only shuddering whenever Dazai’s hand reached his lower back before stroking up again.
This. This was what he needed. This was what he’d wanted, missed and longed for all these years. Unable to say it out loud, Incapable of gathering the courage to tell the pretty man he was laying on, just how much he enjoyed what was happening.
“What was that?” Dazai’s question had Chuuya blink and raise his head now. The sudden change of tone in it surprising the redhead. Blue, slightly hazy eyes met pretty brown ones. “I didn’t hear what you said, mind repeating it for me, Chuuya?”
“I…” Somehow, it came easy now. Without even thinking about it, without even knowing that he did in fact say something, Chuuya repeated his words. “I missed his.” Nothing but a soft whisper. “I missed you…”
Although the saying went ‘A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts’ that could very well apply to a feverish man as well. The hand that had continuously stroked up and down his back continued its path north and stopped on Chuuya’s cheek, cupping his face and aiding in keeping his head upright.
“I know you did…” The man muttered right back, a little playfulness remaining in his voice even though Chuuya was very sincere about this. “I’m simply irresistible.”
The man’s quip didn’t hit the way it usually did, after all, Chuuya’s mind was much too foggy to get upset with him now, so instead the young mafioso started smiling even wider. “You’re an ass…” His head tilted into the hand even more, enjoying the feeling of it against his sensitive, hot skin. “But I missed you so much…”
Reading Dazai’s thoughts was hard on a regular day. With the handicap of his head being this full and his mind being more than just a little distracted, it was fully impossible. He couldn’t tell what the other thought even if he tried to, but Chuuya knew one thing deep down in his heart: He didn’t want to miss this anymore. Much less so, since he hadn’t felt this happy for quite some time.
The only time he felt alive and well was when Dazai was with him, making his day an utter misery. Not that he’d ever admit that to himself of course.
When Dazai wasn’t with him, all he felt was the weight of the responsibility on him, all the pain resurging and the frustration of not knowing what to do with himself. Everything positive was reduced to nothing but a sad memory in the back of his head. The lighthearted banter, the security he welt while working and living with Dazai… it had all passed and left him just like Dazai did.
Even though having Dazai here with him when he needed him the most, made him feel happy, that happiness carried the memories of the past with it, making him feel the way he used to. The way he was supposed to.
Therefore, it really was no wonder that his gaze shifted and got heavier as his hazy eyes filled with tears where there had been none before. They fell quickly, his face resembling the window to the side of the room.
“Hey- Hey, Chibi!” Dazai was still smiling when he started talking again. “No need to cry about it like this? Do you miss me? That’s just natural, considering I’m such a great guy~”
“Are you going to leave again?” Chuuya had no time for his shenanigans, not when his mind was spinning in circles around that one thought. That one fear. He raised a hand to his face, wiping away the tears whilst shaking off the other man’s hand still cupping his face. His fever was getting worse with the whirlwind of emotions resurfacing. Moving his body felt like a good way to get some air and clear his head.
Luckily for him, Dazai didn’t seem to stop his endeavors but instead helped him out by giving assistance in sitting up and sliding off Dazai’s body in favor of leaning against the cushions. The little bit of moving already exerted most of his energy reserves and so Chuuya needed to sit and breathe for a little bit.
“Well… I am going to leave once you’re a little bit better yes.” Dazai finally gave Chuuya the answer he’d been waiting for. Even though it didn’t make him feel all that better as it was one he hadn’t wanted to hear.
“Wha- What if I don’t want you to leave?” Because he didn’t and Chuuya thought he had made it clear. Maybe he hadn’t been easy enough to understand?
“I think you don’t really have a choice but to let me go, you know?”
Something in Dazai’s tone was off, Chuuya could sense it. Could feel it in his soul; hear it through the thick cotton stuffing his ears. The more upset he got, the harder it was to follow their conversation and yet he just knew.
“I don’t want you to go.” He repeated once more, being a little firmer in his tone no matter the tears filling his eyes as his panic grew. “I let you leave once before- I-” A shaky breath left him before he continued. “I won’t let you leave again… Dazai- I- please… don’t leave me.”
His head was spinning, his body burning up and the thought of losing Dazai again was so palpable to him, it only made sense to him that he needed to plead. Luckily, the sense of urgency and the sheed need Chuuya was exuding seemed to be enough to hit home somewhere within Dazai, as the man’s lips curled up into a soft smile again.
“Alright, Chuuya…” Hearing his name from the man’s lips, spoken in a tone that matched the softness of that smile perfectly, had tears rolling down his cheeks again. It was so hard to stop now that he had started letting them come and go this freely.
Unfortunately for him, the approval of his terms and conditions wasn’t enough to ensure Dazai would actually stay true to his word. Chuuya needed to add another pile of information to it to show Dazai that he wasn’t messing around here. That he meant it.
“I love you.”
And there it was again. That tiny beat of silence, spread between them as Dazai blinked at Chuuya, his face showing surprise, before the smile returned. “Oh, Chibi… I know you do.”
“You… know?”
Opposed to what one might think, hearing that Dazai knew actually made fireworks go off in his head as he uttered that surprised query. The satisfaction of being seen and his emotions being perceived by the other felt good, after all, there was no negative reaction to them at all.
“Of course I do.” Dazai’s voice kept that soft, caring tone. “I’ll do you one better though, Chibi. Ready?”
Sniffling in order to keep the waterfalls running down his cheeks at bay, Chuuya raised a hand to his head, holding the heavy thing. Yes… yes, he wanted to know before his head was about to explode from all the emotion continuously welling up in him.
“I have waited for quite some time for you to say it out loud. After all, you and I both know that I love you.” This time around the missing playfulness in the man’s voice wasn’t horrific, wasn’t making him want to cry. It had been replaced by that kind, warm tone. “I’ve always loved you and I always will.”
To Chuuya it never had been this obvious. Not ever since Dazai had left at least. Sure, he’d hoped that those words were the truth and that Dazai would come forward and tell him again, however, that never happened. Never once did he say anything and hearing the man act as if it was common knowledge definitely hurt a little. A little too much actually.
Just like it had back then when Dazai simply left him, despite _everything_. Despite them being the best match, the closest partners, the best team… And despite, in Chuuya’s eyes, them being perfect for one another…
“Why did you leave then?”
“Why I left?” Dazai repeated the question instead of answering it right away. “I left because I promised someone I would. Because…”
Chuuya’s eyes had filled with tears again already, his head spinning and hurting from how much he tried to think when all his mind was capable of was spinning in circles around his need to get back into Dazai’s arms to rest and relax and sleep and get better. He didn’t want to hate the other any longer, wanted to show him just how much he loved him instead.
“Hey… it’s okay. I-” Finally, Dazai seemed to realize that Chuuya was barely thinking rationally anymore. “I tell you what.” Arms reached out, grabbing Chuuya’s shoulders before pulling the redhead back into his arms. Chuuya immediately melted into the man’s form, enjoying how cool he felt against his own hot skin. “I won’t leave before you’re all better… And I’ll never leave that way again. Never again.”
“Why?” Chuuya whispered, his eyes instinctively falling shut as coziness and comfort washed over him. He might feel too hot and uncomfortable because of everything going on but none of that really mattered now that he could lean against Dazai’s frame and feel their hearts race in unison. He could deal with the fever…
“Because I needed to do it then. For several reasons. Not only was it the right thing to do at that time… for me to leave and change; but it also meant that you could grow and evolve without the need to adjust to me. Now though, I’m all changed, I’m done and now that I’m right where I want to be, the only thing missing is a slug to join me. Whichever way it is that he wants to.”
Dazai’s words were more than just too much as Chuuya wasn’t able to follow them even if he had really wanted to. The soft voice explaining difficult yet important things, wrapped around his scrambled mind, making it sway back and forth like the branches in the stormy winds outside. Chuuya didn’t need to think, since the only thing that truly mattered was that Dazai said he was staying. Staying with him because he did love him back.
It was all he could have ever asked for, so the redhead let out a soft hum, conveying that he paid attention no matter how little information got processed in the end. Not like it truly mattered now that he was capable of relaxing in the one safe space he had missed for the past four years.
“I love you…” he muttered a moment later, his tongue stumbling over the syllable; sounds coming out less clean and sharp than they were supposed to.
“I love you too, CHuuya. Now go to sleep for me. You need to relax, rest and gather all of your strength so that you can yell at me again tomorrow morning.”
Another hum and Chuuya felt himself drift away. A hand appeared in his hair just before he was fully gone, running through red strands, taking time to detangle them. It made Chuuya smile as he fell asleep, knowing that no matter what happened, he was being cared for.
Tonight.
Tomorrow.
And hopefully any time after that.