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He drops the coffee cup in front of his best friend who's simply sitting at the table with his head pillowed on his arms.
“Thanks.” A hand reaches to grips the mug, fingers curling around the handle to pull it close. Buck's acting like the cup itself is a lifeline, the thing keeping him grounded right now. Eddie supposes that maybe it is. Something is obviously wrong, he just hasn't asked yet. He's learned over the years that a cup of coffee & time is what Buck needs to open up. And Eddie will give it to him every time.
So, he stands at the counter diligently lining up ingredients to prepare his own coffee as he watches Buck sip gingerly from his steaming mug. He'd stay like this forever, if it meant that he could be supportive of one of the most important people in his life. The mood is somber & Eddie knows that as soon as Buck speaks, it's going to be opening metaphorical floodgates.
“Tommy broke up with me.”
Eddie stops with the milk halfway to his own mug & sighs. This was the last thing he had expected tonight. “Buck I–”
“No.” Buck holds up a hand. “Don't say you're sorry. I can't take anyone else apologizing tonight.”
“What happened?” Eddie finishes his coffee & plops down across from Buck at the table, his own mug gripped tight. He's seen Buck post- breakup before. But, there's something about this that feels different. It's like the air has completely changed around the younger man. It's as if this wasn't just a breakup but more of a fundamental change of who Buck is. Although Eddie will always thank the things that help mature Buck, he doesn't like the way this feels.
Buck sighs before taking a sip from the cup in front of him. “He said I wasn't invested enough?” He phrases it like a question & Eddie feels his own eyebrows furrowing. “He said there was something in the way that was stopping me from being ‘all in.’ I feel like a failure.”
“But you're not,” Eddie reaches across the table, fingertips brushing over Buck's knuckles. “You're the most invested person I know. When you're in a relationship, that person is the most important thing to you. I don't see why he couldn't see that. I mean, what else did he want from you?”
Buck looks up from the table with shocked eyes & Eddie watches as he swallows hard & goes to open his mouth, but shuts it quickly.
Eddie sits & stares & waits. He knows when Buck gets like this to let his brain process through it before asking questions. So he sits, taps on the table top, sips his coffee… & waits. The air grows stale around them & Eddie is sure as the minutes tick by that the coffee in both of their mugs is definitely cool to the touch. 2 minutes turns into 5 & 5 turns into 15.
Eddie stares at the glowing numbers on his oven & sighs lightly. He's never seen his best friend like this before. It's like he's so deep in thought he's completely forgotten about who's kitchen he's sitting in or that he's with someone else at all. Eddie just watches as the other man stares at the wall, enveloped by complete silence.
Eventually Buck does speak. “He said that I was too invested in somebody else.” Is what he finally decides to say & Eddie still feels incredibly confused. “He said he couldn't be in a serious relationship with someone who has a kid,” he whispers the last part & won't look up to meet Eddie's eyes.
“Christopher?”
“Yea,” Buck nods. “I've told you before that nothing is going to come between Chris & I. I mean that. I just–”
Eddie cuts him off. “You wish other people could see that, understand it?” Buck nods again. “For what it's worth, Christopher will always adore you & at this point you're filling a parental role for him. I appreciate it & Chris does too. We'll never take for granted what it means for you to pick him.”
“Except I'm not just picking him, am I?”
Eddie breaths deeply. He can't lie, he knew they'd get here eventually. They've been playing this game for years, a back & forth where the two of them get too close before backing up at the last second. When Buck came out, he knew it was only a matter of time before the other man figured it out, began to realize that their relationship wasn't exactly the platonic best friend situation they'd been saying it was for the last 7 years.
“Are you? Picking more than just Chris, I mean.”
“I think maybe I am.”
And there it is, the closest either of them has ever come to admitting that maybe, just maybe there's more going on here.
Eddie leans over the table & watches as Buck's eyes track his every move. He grabs the empty coffee mugs with a hum & takes both of them to the sink. He can't look his best friend in the eyes anymore. He needs something to do with his hands.
It's too risky where they're at now, they're getting too close to the truth & it makes Eddie physically itch with discomfort. Not because of his feelings. No, he came to terms with those a while ago, but with what comes next. This is a bell that can't be un-rung & he knows it. Buck does too. Once it's out there, that's it. There's no turning back. He knows that's why they always seem to stop short of a true confession. They're scared of it, of what it means for their future.
He places the mugs softly in the sink & turns around to face Buck again, bracing himself on the edge of the counter. “I think we should talk about this later.” He watches as Buck's face falls a bit. “I just think,” he takes a step toward the table. “We need to think about what we want to say so there isn't any confusion, okay? Process what happened tonight & we'll talk when you think you're ready.”
“Okay.” Buck smiles softly. “I can do that.”
Eddie smiles back & takes a final step toward Buck to clap a hand on his shoulder. “Just so you know. I like that maybe you're picking more than just Chris.”
He thinks the look on Buck's face will be enough to carry him through whatever the next several days are going to look like.