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Varian watched as the fire crackled, slowly dying. Everyone else had already gone to sleep, leaving the inn quiet. They weren't camping that night—Nuru had insisted they splurge and pay for rooms after the difficult trial they had all gone through earlier (no one complained much, unable to let the lure of a real bed go). And Varian had tried to sleep, he really did, but the nightmares were just…too much. He couldn't shut his eyes without seeing visions of what could have been if anything had gone even a little differently. Behind the confident, cheerful front he often put up in front of his friends, Varian was scared . They all looked to him to lead, but he had no idea what he was doing. All he had to guide them was an old journal written in code that he struggled to decipher. What if he translated something wrong? How detrimental could a singular error be? What if his friends died and it was all his—
The rickety stairs of the inn creaked behind him. It was probably a maid or the innkeeper coming back to check something. Shit, how long had he been down here? It had to be past midnight. Varian debated getting up to return to his room…but he really couldn't stare at that ceiling any longer. The four walls were too close, boxing him into the mental spirals the darkness invited. Maybe if he stayed quiet, the innkeeper could grab whatever they needed and not notice him.
"Hey, Goggles, just a reminder—nighttime is when people usually sleep," the voice of the absolute last person Varian wanted to see right now cut through the silence. The teen glared at the fire harder.
"I could say the same to you."
Hugo appeared in Varian's eyeline, dropping into the chair next to him with an overly-dramatic sigh.
"Touche, Goggles. Touche." Unable to do literally anything like a normal person, Hugo swung his legs over one armrest and laid back against the other, sitting in the chair sideways and crossing his arms over his chest.
Tearing his eyes away from the hearth, the alchemist took in the other's state. He was wearing a thin undershirt that was somehow both baggy and revealing enough to show off his lean build. Used to seeing him with his jacket and substantial other layers, Varian felt like he was intruding on something. Hugo was all defenses—quick words and witty half-truths in retaliation to every attempt at creating a bond with him. Seeing the other without the armor of his carefully constructed self felt wrong. Oblivious to Varian's inner turmoil, Hugo looked up at the ceiling as if it had personally caused every issue in his life.
When the silence became too tense, Hugo raised his head to meet Varian's eyes, quirking an eyebrow as the younger tried (and failed) to look away before he was caught staring.
"What, is my presence interrupting your pity party?"
Varian felt the familiar heat of anger, a retort on the tip of his tongue before images from his nightmare flashed in front of him. Rocks falling as the trial fell apart around them. Yanking Hugo by his collar just as a boulder razed where he had been standing. The four of them sprinting to the exit, running out of time, trying to make it before—
"Can you just…not? Just for tonight?" Varian rubbed at his face, trying to dispel the visions from his head. As much as he wanted to strangle the blond menace, the threat of nearly losing him was too fresh. The four survived the trial by sheer dumb luck, somehow making it to the doorway before a falling rock could take one of them out. Not for the first time, Varian found himself questioning his quest. Was it really worth it? The trials were getting increasingly more challenging and increasingly deadly. The looming threat of someone trying to stop them was still on the horizon. How were they ever supposed to succeed anyway? Would Ulla even be in the library? What if she wasn't?
What if she was?
Who was he to force his friends into this mess? It would be his fault if they got hurt. If they died .
"Hey, we made it out, Hairstripe. We're all okay." Hugo was looking at Varian gently, eyebrows slightly pinched in concern. The teasing has dropped from his tone, coming out unusually genuine.
That's…new.
"But what if we weren't, Hugo? What if one of those rocks had fallen a fraction differently?" He didn't mean to bite out the words so harshly, but at this point, his emotional filter was gone. Risking a glance back at the other, Varian watched understanding dawn on him, followed by the familiar anger filtering back into his expression.
"You're not the only one with nightmares. Don't take it out on me."
Varian scoffed, rolling his eyes and repositioning himself in the chair, "Can you stop thinking about yourself for one second, asshole? You're all looking to me to guide but I don't have a fucking clue what I'm doing. I know just as much as you do. I can't ensure your safety because I'm always a step away from failing."
"Do you seriously think we don't know this is dangerous? We all signed up for this Goggles, we know having your mommy's journal isn't an instant immunity."
Ready to give up on this dumpster fire of a conversation, Varian prepared to stand up and return to his room. Spirling alone couldn't be worse than this irritating idiot.
But Hugo continued, the anger fading away as his voice dipped back into the soft quality of earlier, "You're not responsible for us. Sure you're translating the journal for Ulla's guidance, but we aren't mindlessly following you. Nuru has her smarts, Yong his…enthusiasm…and I have my skills, wit, charm, devilishly good looks—"
"Humility." Varian deadpanned.
Hugo cut off his tangent, glaring at Varian before glancing away, the corner of his mouth turning up in the ghost of a smile.
Huh.
It's gone as quickly as it appeared as he ran a hand through his hair. It was the first time Varian had seen it out of the signature ponytail, the alchemist realized. The strands fell messily around the blonde's head as his hand combed through. The shaved hair of his undercut barely peeked out as the hair fell into place. There was more of it in his eyes than usual, his glasses and face shaded. This messiness was so different from the assured composure of Hugo's typical persona. It felt more real. He looked nice.
What the fuck? No he didn't. Hugo was a bitch and every style choice he's ever made is the wrong one. Why did he think the undercut was a good idea in the first place? It certainly wasn't attractive. Seeing a more casual side of Hugo wasn't at all domestic and didn't make Varian's heart beat faster at all. That's just the nightmares still lingering. For sure.
He tore his eyes away and stared intensely at the wooden floorboards as his face burned. Why is his face burning???
"Well as I was saying, we know the trials aren't meant to be easy. If they were we wouldn't be on this clusterfuck of a journey because someone else would've already opened it back up."
Varian risked a glance back up at the blonde, meeting his eyes. The other's face was carefully blank, but his eyes betrayed just a hint of concern behind the typical mask of nonchalance. Varian had only ever seen Hugo display two emotions—annoyed and annoying. In the late hour, it felt like he was discovering a forbidden third. Behind the cunning thief is a teen with deeper layers, and Varian wanted to know them all. What was this curiosity?
"Regardless, I got you all into this. I can't let anything happen to any of you," the alchemist pressed his point, fiddling with his fingers. He wanted to run them through Ruddigar's fur, but his friend had looked so comfortable on the hotel bed that Varian didn't want to move him down here.
Something flashed over Hugo's face. Guilt? But that didn't make sense. Maybe the lack of sleep was starting to catch up with him—he never really had a sleep schedule to begin with, so he didn't have any reserves to fall back on.
"Always a hero," Hugo huffed out, rolling his eyes and letting his head drop back to show off the long panels of his neck. Varian quickly averted his eyes and cleared his throat.
"We should probably–uh–try to sleep..or something."
Hugo raised a brow at Varian's elegant delivery, his signature smirk very present. "Go ahead, Stripes, I'll catch you later. Try not to miss me too much."
Varian moved toward the stairs, feeling the fatigue finally sink in. Maybe he could get a few hours of rest in before the sun rose and they had to get up to start traveling. Reaching the doorway, the teen looked back toward the fire. From here the back of the chair restricted most of Hugo from view, but he could see enough to watch the other pull a folded paper from his pocket. He ran his fingers over the fold lines almost…apprehensively. Strange, Hugo was never anything but confident. Shaking his head, Varian turned to return to his room. The slight raising of suspicion was gone as his drooping eyelids won out, and he finally fell into a dreamless sleep.