Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first couple weeks after the Preeminent’s defeat were calm on the bounty, and Jay found himself falling into a comfortable normal after the battle in Stiix. It had been such a stressful period, and Jay could tell that Cole and Lloyd were still having their fair share of difficulties readjusting. However, he was glad to see that Cole was slowly getting accustomed to his ghost form, and Lloyd’s anxiety seemed to have mellowed somewhat since his possession.

Jay himself had a few strange experiences in Stiix, but the things that didn’t make sense in his mind, he decided to ignore. The stress of it all probably just had him frazzled in the moment anyhow.

A knock sounded at Jay’s bedroom door. They didn’t state who was there, and Jay couldn’t discern whose knock it was from the pattern. “Come in,” he said, but there was no response. The knock sounded again, and Jay grumbled as he got up from his bed to let them in. 

However, when he opened the door, nobody was there to meet him. Jay took a step out of his room with a raised brow and looked around. The hall was empty. Kai seemed to be in his room with the door cracked, but all the other doors were wide open, which usually meant the others were in a different part of the ship.

“Hello?” Jay called out questioningly as he looked around.

A shuffle came from Kai’s room. Then he opened his own door all the way to find out what had caught Jay’s attention. 

“What are you doing?” Kai asked him.

Jay continued to search around himself and shrugged. “I swear I heard a knock on my door,” he said. “That wasn’t you?”

“No dice. I haven’t moved in like an hour.”

Jay’s brow furrowed in confusion as he looked to Kai. “Did you hear anyone knock?”

“Um, no?”

It didn’t seem like Kai was fibbing, and Jay didn’t like the look Kai was giving him. Perhaps it was best to drop the conversation. This was probably just a poorly executed prank. He could tell off the culprit later. 

“Well, let’s just forget about it then,” Jay eventually said. His eyes stayed off Kai because he could still feel that disbelieving gaze on him.

The two retreated back into their rooms, and Jay shut the door behind him. He didn’t want to think that his ears were playing tricks on him again, but Kai would have heard the knock too since his door was open just across the hall. The whole team had given Jay that same look of doubt in Stiix. 

Taking a seat on his bed again with a sigh, Jay thought back to the day of that final battle. Although he had heard footsteps trailing behind them — and he'd been certain of it — everyone insisted they heard nothing. Even after Jay brought it to everyone’s attention a second time. The next few minutes, the team had been extra cautious and alert since Jay seemed so sure, but they never caught anyone trailing them and nobody ever ambushed them. 

At the time it made Jay feel foolish. Not even Zane had heard anything. Maybe he’d have felt better if some unexpected tail did eventually show up, but nobody had. Yet Jay was positive he’d heard the footsteps clear as day… Perhaps he did hear something, but after he agreed nobody had been tailing them, it just made him wonder what exactly he’d heard.

Jay was pulled out of his thoughts as another knock sounded on his door. This time he wasn’t going to entertain the prankster. Staying as light on his feet as he could manage, he walked over to the door and swung it open quickly. “Ha!” A wide smile took over his face, thinking he’d caught the trickster, but it fell immediately when he saw the doorway was empty again. 

“Oh, come on!” He scoffed in a huff, and his voice grew louder. “I don’t know who’s behind this, but it’s a lame trick! Who knocked on my door?” Jay looked around himself again, and his movements were exaggerated in the face of his frustration. He saw Kai come out from his room again, and this time Jay really didn’t like the look Kai gave him. 

Hesitance and concern made their way into Kai’s expression as he moved closer. “Dude, chill out. What’s wrong?” Kai asked. 

His expression only made Jay feel more on edge. That kind of expression was meant for Nya and Lloyd. Why was Kai looking at him so worried? He just said what was wrong, and Kai’s willful ignorance wasn’t appreciated. 

Jay continued to gesture wildly as he spoke. “Really, Kai? There’s no way you didn’t hear that knock this time.”

“What knock!?” 

“Oh, be real! You’re probably just trying to help the others prank me.” Again, he looked around himself for someone that wasn’t there. “Where’s Cole? He can turn invisible now. He’s gotta be the one pulling this prank.”

Just as it seemed Jay was about to speed off in search for Cole, Kai grabbed him by the arm. Then he shifted his hold to Jay’s shoulders to make the two stand face-to-face. He didn’t like how Jay was acting, and he searched his brother’s eyes as he spoke. “Jay. There wasn’t any knock. Cole and Lloyd are out getting groceries. And Nya’s with Zane working in the mech room.”

Jay shook out of Kai’s hold. “Someone knocked on my door,” he said assuredly. “If it wasn’t Cole then it had to have been you. You’re the only other person who’s been in the hall with me.” Though, when he said it, Jay didn’t quite believe his own words. He just wanted things to make sense.

“Like I said, I haven’t moved from my room for like an hour now. I can show you what I was working on if you want, but it wasn’t me. I didn’t hear any knocking either.” Kai could see the frustration and anxiety starting to overwhelm Jay. Things weren’t making sense, and Jay was starting to realize that. The way sparks danced along Jay’s fingers was testament enough, and it let Kai know that he needed to calm Jay down before he worked himself into an anxiety attack.

“Hey, hey,” Kai hushed, while squeezing Jay’s shoulders. “Take a breath. Try to calm down.” He saw Jay trying to follow his prompt. “I don't know what you heard, but getting worked up will only make you feel like crap. You know that.” 

Jay nodded along trying to manage his growing anxiety. 

“Let’s move to the living room,” Kai suggested. “We can wait for Lloyd and Cole to get back, and I can beat you at a video game or two to pass the time.”

Jay focused on the feeling of Kai’s hands and struggled to rationalize with himself. “You won’t beat me at a video game,” he said in a detached tone that didn’t quite match the sentiment, “but we can go to the living room, I guess. That… that works.”

When he finally got the courage to meet Kai’s eyes again, they still burned him with a look of concern, and Jay hated it because he didn’t know what he did to warrant it in the first place. He knew there had been knocking. Why didn’t Kai hear it, too?

Jay wasn’t able to untangle his thoughts as he let Kai lead him away from the hall and towards the television room. He took the seat offered to him, and he watched silently as Kai rummaged around the cabinets. Although he expected Kai to pull out a game based on his suggestion from moments ago, Kai opted for a movie instead. The unexpected change honestly made Jay feel thankful. Focusing on a game didn’t feel very possible at the moment. Maybe Kai had picked up on that. 

It took a few minutes for the two to get settled, and Jay sat with his knees drawn close. He was handed a cup of tea and began sipping it as the movie he’d seen probably a hundred times started playing. 

At first, Jay could tell Kai was glancing at him every few minutes, but eventually, Kai fully shifted his focus to the movie. Only then was Jay able to let himself do the same. As long as Kai was calm, that meant he could be calm, too. It meant the commotion from the hallway was over with.

So for maybe ten minutes, the two watched the movie peacefully. Jay’s pulse slowed, and he was able to find solace in the form of Fritz Donnegan. It was obvious Kai had chosen a movie considering Jay’s preferences over his own, but he’d probably never admit it if he were asked.

Jay took another sip of tea, but then his blood went cold. There was the knocking sound again. He stayed silent, and looked to see if Kai would react. But he didn’t. Kai didn’t seem fazed at all. Then Jay thought about the room they were in. There wasn’t even a door to get in this room. Nobody would ever have a reason to knock.

His pulse grew quick again, and he sat the mug on the end table. Then he spared one more look to Kai, who this time picked up on the change in Jay.

“You good, man?”

A humorless chuckle left Jay’s mouth as he forced his attention back on the television. “Oh, um, yeah. Never better.” 

There was no point in checking the doorway behind them. Jay knew he sounded unconvincing, but it didn’t matter to him in the moment. All that mattered was that Kai didn’t hear the knocks and that his mind was definitely lying to him. Even so, what if scenarios played in his mind. Cole and Lloyd should be home any minute now. Maybe it was them setting down a can or something? But he knew Kai would have gone to help the two unload the instant they returned to the Bounty. There had to be some explanation.

“You don’t look okay. What’s up?”

Jay shook his head. “Nothing. Don’t worry ‘bout it.”

“Did you hear that sound again?”

And for a second, Jay indulged the delusion that maybe Kai had heard it this time, but the frown that showed on Kai’s face once he saw Jay’s hopeful eyes was enough to let both of them know the truth.

“You heard knocking again,” Kai commented simply, his tone was level but disheartened. “When’s the last time you got sleep?”

Jay hesitated upon answering. “I think I’ve gotten enough sleep lately. I slept pretty okay last night, too.”

An uncomfortable silence fell over them.

“Maybe you should still take a nap, Jay. Maybe it’ll help. You don’t usually hear phantom sounds like this, do you?”

Jay shook his head to say no. He thought back to the battle in Stiix. He felt like there might be one other time that he couldn’t remember, but… this was just his brain playing tricks. It wasn’t like he heard things that weren’t there any more than the average person.

“I think you should try to sleep it off,” Kai said again. “Maybe mention it to Master Wu if it keeps happening.”

Biting his lip, Jay leaned his head back against the couch, head upwards and eyes closed. “You seriously can’t hear any of it?”

“Not at all.”

The room fell silent again. At some point, Kai had paused the movie.

“Fine. I’ll try to get to sleep. Can I stay out here though? At least, I know there’s not a door to this room.”

That last comment caught Kai off guard, and it only strengthened the uncomfortable feeling in his chest. It was good that Jay could acknowledge the knocking wasn’t actually there, but it made the surrealness of the situation fade very suddenly. This wasn’t like when Kai was sprayed by the venomari a couple years ago; this was Jay’s brain legitimately working against him. 

“Yeah, no problem,” he told Jay. “You want me to put Starfarer back on? I’ll get ya a blanket, too.”

“You can put the movie back on. I’ll get the blanket. I’m gonna grab Mr. Cuddlywomp.”

Kai got up before him, though. “Just stay here. I’ll grab him for you.” He pressed play on the movie, and before Jay had much of a chance to argue, Kai already left for the other room.

Upon returning with a blanket and Jay’s favorite stuffed animal, Jay tried to make himself cozy. It did take a while for him to feel any bit drowsy due to how much was on his mind, but eventually, with the sound of his favorite actor and the reassurance that Kai was in the same room, Jay eventually fell asleep, still in his position from earlier.

Kai had no other choice but to explain what happened when the rest of the team eventually came across Jay asleep in the living room. Things seemed a bit tense the following day, but after Jay assured everyone that he hadn’t heard any more knocking or other unexplainable sounds since waking, the team’s nerves faded relatively quickly. 

Nearly a week had passed and nothing like the knocking situation happened again. Jay was thankful, but still vaguely on edge because he didn’t have any explanation for what had caused him to hear those nonexistent sounds so vividly. Part of him still wondered if Kai had been the one whose mind was playing tricks on him. Hearing those knocks felt different from other phantom sensations. It wasn’t like he thought he had heard something; he knew it. Obviously, he hadn’t been right — in no world would anybody have knocked while they were in the living room — but the certainty he’d felt set the experience apart from any other.

The memories from Stiix stayed in his mind, too. Back then, he’d also had that same feeling of certainty that the other members on his team didn’t quite agree with.

It was getting harder to trust his senses lately. 

Jay did his best to let those thoughts fall to the back of his mind, and he instead refocused on the card game in front of him. Lloyd, Cole, Zane, and Kai sat around the table with him, and he saw Zane place down a card and gesture to him for the next turn. Jay took a look at his hand again, trying to figure out the best play since he had spaced out the previous round. After a moment of playing catch-up, he discarded and passed the turn to Lloyd.

“Don’t let Cole go out next turn!” Kai told Lloyd. “He’s definitely got the kings.”

“I mean, I’m not trying to let him win!” Lloyd said, sounding exasperated. He gestured to Cole. “Look at that smirk. He knows he’s going out next turn, but I can’t do anything to stop him.” 

Lloyd threw down a card in defeat, and not a second later Cole ended the game as the whole table groaned around him.

“Minus 30 points for me. I had two aces in my hand,” Kai grumbled.

The group went around counting their score and updating their tally. Then everyone handed their cards to Jay, who had the job of shuffling and dealing for the next game. 

Once he bridged the cards a few times, Jay started sorting them between players, then he flipped the first card in the deck to start the game. Before Jay even had a chance to properly look at his own hand, though, a buzzing sound flew past his left ear, much too close for comfort. The unexpected sensation made him jolt and swat at whatever bug had decided to bother him.

The sudden yelp and movement put the attention on him as he looked around to make sure the bug was gone. “Sorry, guys,” he said when Lloyd asked if he was alright. “It sounded like a bug flew by my ear. Stupid little insect or something.”

He shook his head again just to make sure the bug would stay away, but it did little to deter the flying nuisance. Jay didn’t even have time to grab his cards again before he saw it move directly in front of his face, and buzzing once again let him know the bug was much too close.

“Ugh!” This time Jay jolted up from his seat and moved a few paces away. “What’s a bug even doing this high up in the sky anyway?” He hollered.

He ruffled his hair with his hand in another attempt to keep the stupid insect away from him, and he saw Zane get up from his seat, too. He didn’t have the same frantic movements as Jay, however.

Jay looked for the bug again and saw it hovering around the center of the table. 

He saw Lloyd and Cole glancing around the room looking for the bug Jay had been talking about. It was almost as if they didn’t see it right in front of them. Just like when he told Kai-

“Where is the bug?” Zane asked him calmly. “Is it still flying around here?”

Jay looked back to the table. It was definitely still there.

“Yeah. It just landed on the draw pile.” Jay watched the fly closely as he spoke. He didn’t want it moving to another part of the room without him noticing. He didn’t catch Cole and Lloyd’s gazes shifting uncertainly to the draw pile and then back to him. Jay also didn’t notice how Kai’s focus stayed locked on him, seemingly understanding exactly what was going on.

“How big is it?” Zane asked.

“What do you mean? It’s a normal fly. Average size.” 

The bug’s wings gave a short burst as it moved to sit on the perch of Zane’s abandoned chair. Nobody’s eyes followed it but his. In fact, when he refocused, their eyes were all directed towards him.

Nobody said anything for a moment. 

“There’s no way you missed it,” Jay said meekly, though he was really starting to doubt himself again. He saw ambivalence and concern in everyone’s eyes, but there wasn’t that same panic from when he told Kai about the knocking last week. “You saw where it just flew, right? … Lloyd? It was right in front of you.”

Lloyd hesitated for a moment but told him, “I didn’t see anything in front of me.”

Cole and Kai gave the same response when Jay looked to them for backup.

At his side, Zane asked, “Where did the fly land?” At least, Zane seemed to believe him.

Jay’s eyes drifted to the back of Zane’s seat again to see the fly sitting atop it. “It’s on top of the back of your chair now, right in the center.” He put a step between himself and Zane as he turned to face the other. “Why are you asking this? It’s right there.”

Lloyd got up from his seat to move closer to Jay, and the other two followed suit soon after. 

Kai moved to where Zane’s seat was, but the fly didn’t seem bothered by someone a thousand times its size moving towards it. What surprised Jay more was that the insect didn’t rush away even when Kai put his hand on the chair mere centimeters away from it. He balked as Kai casually looked around the chair for another moment before shifting to look at him again. There was an expression in Kai’s eyes that Jay couldn’t place.

“How did…?”

Cole came up beside Jay and wrapped an arm around his back in a side hug. On his other side, Jay felt Lloyd take hold of his hand, and he returned the grasp gently, almost absentmindedly.

Something was wrong.

At his other side, Zane urged him to continue.  “What is it, Jay?”

His voice felt hoarse when he spoke.

“Kai moved the chair, but the bug didn’t fly away.” 

“Buddy?” Cole said calmly. “There’s no bug in here.”

A pit formed in Jay’s chest. He could tell that’s where this conversation was leading, but this was all so confusing! The fly was right there . He had heard its buzzing as it flew close to his ear. Jay looked at Cole, not quite believing him yet, then he looked to Zane. 

Zane seemed to believe him. He had sharper senses than all of them combined. If anyone would be on Jay’s side, it would be him.

“Cole is right, Jay. There doesn’t appear to be any insects in this room, and the majority of insects would not fly at this altitude regardless,” Zane explained evenly. “Do you still see the fly?”

Jay glanced back one more time, and of course, the insect was trying to taunt him by walking freely to the other side of the chair. All Jay could do was nod. He felt Lloyd grip his hand more securely.

“I believe it’s safe to say that you are experiencing a hallucination.”

And that made Jay want to puke. How was this a hallucination? It wasn’t nightmarish or anything. It was just a stupid fly! Not to mention that it was so clearly right there . He could hear and see it. How was it not real?

“A hallucination?” Jay parroted.

Zane nodded. “Yes. You seem to be experiencing a response to a stimulus that isn’t actually present.”

“Zane!” Lloyd chided in a harsh whisper.

He ignored Lloyd. “But your reactions to these perceived stimuli are real. Would you like to move to a different room, Jay?”

At some point, Kai had also come closer so that the whole group was huddled around him. 

Jay looked into Kai’s eyes, and he seemed far calmer than the last time they were in this situation. It made Jay feel slightly more stable in the moment. If Kai and Zane were calm — even Cole and Lloyd were decently composed — he could be calm, too. He was safe, and although this was terrifying and it felt like he was being gaslit, he tried to trust the people around him. He did his best to let them keep him grounded. He was safe. They wouldn’t lie to him about this. Even if his every thought screamed that the proof in front of him meant he was in the right.

Jay let himself be guided out of the room, their card game entirely forgotten, and they took a seat along the edge of the Destiny’s Bounty. 

For many minutes, Jay listened to his brothers’ voices without saying much of anything. He tried to regulate his anxiety, and he focused on the feeling of Kai’s warm arm around his neck that contrasted the cold wind hitting his face. At his other side, Cole continued to hold his hand as it rested in Jay’s lap.

Eventually, he managed to compose himself enough to say something. His question was directed to nobody in particular. “How quickly did you know it was a hallucination?” 

The first to speak was Zane. “I knew after I scanned for the bug you swatted at with no result.”

“I couldn’t tell that fast, but pretty immediately,” Kai admitted. “When you got out of your chair, I could tell what was happening.”

Cole was next. “When you said you saw it on the deck of cards.”

“I knew when you stood up,” Lloyd said. “I think you had the same hallucination in Stiix.”

Lloyd’s response earned him a bewildered look from Jay. “What do you mean the same thing happened in Stiix? All I remember from then was hearing those footsteps.”

"It was just after we got to the pier, before we all split up,” Lloyd explained while looking around Cole. “You said something about fireflies before trying to swat some. We were on the move pretty soon after, so I don’t think it happened again. But Stiix doesn’t have fireflies, and I’m pretty sure there weren’t bugs around us anyhow. Plus, you had your mask up.”

Jay gave a hollow laugh and tried to make light of the day’s revelations. However, his voice lacked the humorous tone needed to make the joke land. “Heh. So I guess my brain just produces its own movies now? That’s cool, I guess.”

A brief pause filled the air.

“This sucks,” Jay said despondently. His gaze drifted to clouds far in the distance. “I don’t even know if there’s other things my brain’s been lying to me about. I still don’t really want to believe you guys.”

Zane was the next to speak up. “If it’s any consolation, it is possible for some people suffering hallucinations to learn skills that can help identify and separate false perceptions from reality. Perhaps that isn’t possible for you at the moment, but being able to identify potential hallucinations may be beneficial to you. And it seems you might experience recurring hallucinations if what Lloyd said about Stiix is anything to judge. Learning to recognize those recurring sensations could very well be a helpful first step.”

Jay didn’t respond immediately. He looked stuck in his thoughts. “Why aren’t you guys acting like I’m coo coo crazy? I’m literally seeing things that aren’t there, but you’re acting like this is a normal Tuesday and Master Wu just told us to meditate on something.”

Cole gave a shrug at his side. “We don’t think you’re crazy. After what happened with Kai when you heard knocking, we were really scared for you because that was the first really obvious sign that something was off. You and Kai handled it well, though. Then that led to Kai and I talking about Stiix, and something like you hearing those footsteps was something we were all there for. I think that’s when we started to consider hallucinations as a real possibility, so we’ve been waiting it out to see if you’d have any more. We didn’t want to worry you if it was just a one-time thing.”

“So everyone knew my brain was making things up except me?” Jay asked.

He felt Kai place a few claps on his back before settling into a resting position again. Jay relished in the rare touch.

“We didn’t exactly know,” Kai told him truthfully. “We had suspicions, but for all we knew, it coulda just been us not being perceptive enough. It felt better to trust what you saw and heard until we had more proof that said otherwise.”

Lloyd built on Kai’s explanation. “And since you weren’t missing details that were real, that made it harder to tell if your brain was playing tricks on you or if you were just being hyper-perceptive.”

“Regardless,” Zane said, “we still wanted to prepare for this possibility. After what happened last week, I knew you’d had at least two hallucinations in decently close succession. Responding appropriately to any future ones felt essential if we wanted to help you react well. Us becoming panicked alongside you would likely only heighten your anxiety. None of us wanted to risk that, especially considering nobody knew whether these hallucinations would continue.”

Jay gave a slight smile at Zane’s unending formality, but he liked hearing what Zane had to say. It made the hallucinations seem less fear-inducing when he was able to respond so serenely. Not to mention Zane made it seem like his biggest priority wasn’t trying to deny that Jay was experiencing these things, rather his priority was making sure Jay could experience them in a way that was less likely to upset him.

That did just reinforce the thought that this was apparently something Jay had to live with now, though.

“So you don’t think this is just gonna go away?” Jay asked him.

“They may in time, but until we can figure out what’s causing you to experience hallucinations, there’s a good probability there will be more.”

There was still a certain discomfort in Jay’s chest, but this was starting to feel easier to process. He had his whole team to keep him in check, and all things considered, he didn’t feel like he had too many instances like this so far. Though he did have to wonder how many times he unknowingly experienced things that weren’t really there in the past few weeks alone.

Jay’s tone was lighter when he next spoke. “Man, so I’m probably gonna have to get used to seeing shadow men or something in the real world, aren’t I?” He complained. The joke landed this time, and he got a chuckle from Cole and Lloyd. “You’d think meeting my sleep paralysis demon is enough, but nope, I guess not.”

Zane asked him, “Have you had any hallucinations that you know of involving your fears?”

“Not that I can think of? Maybe I’m not the best judge of that, though. It’s insane how real it feels when it’s happening. Maybe sometimes I’ve heard bangs that aren’t there or something, but I can’t really tell what’s something that might have been… a hallucination.”

Jay tested the word on his mouth. It wasn’t the first time he’d ever said it, obviously. This wasn’t even the first time he’d said it today. The difference this time was that he actually tried to acknowledge that what he'd experienced were indeed hallucinations.

“That still feels weird to say,” he admitted.

Lloyd gave him a smile. “Yeah, that tracks. Honestly, given everything that’s happened with me and Cole in the past few months, I’d say you’re right on par with the rest of us when it comes to unthinkable changes.” He took a moment to gauge everyone’s mood, and when Lloyd felt confident enough, he addressed the rest of the group. “So do we think Kai is next on the list? I think Zane still gets a pass after coming back as the titanium ninja.”

Almost immediately, Kai answered, “I’ll pass, shorty. If my only options are possession, becoming a ghost, hallucinations, or self-sacrifice, I think I’m good.”

“Nah, you’ll get something else entirely unpredictable probably.”

Kai jumped up from his spot by Jay. “Oh, like hell that’s gonna happen,” he exclaimed as he pulled Lloyd in for a noogie. 

Fits of laughter broke out among the group as everyone watched Lloyd try to wriggle out of Kai’s hold. Then when Lloyd eventually freed himself, he couldn’t help but join in, too. He gave a quick look to Jay while running a hand through his now tousled hair, and the bright smile on his brother’s face made him feel calm. 

With a content sigh, he knew they would be okay.

Chapter Text

The frequency and intensity of Jay’s hallucinations became much more difficult to deal with following Nadakhan’s defeat.

Before the Teapot of Tyrahn was originally found, the team had fallen into their own version of comfortable normalcy. It was a way of living that meant Cole finally embraced the perks of being a ghost, that meant Lloyd rarely felt plagued by the way Morro had treated him, and that meant Jay’s hallucinations became easier for him and his team to handle. They were all troubled in their own ways, but everything was starting to become easy enough to live with. As for Jay, figuring out how to cohabitate with his more mundane hallucinations was something that felt decently manageable as long as he could stay patient with himself.

That was before anybody knew who Nadakhan was. 

Even before that point, Jay had experienced a handful of hallucinations that preyed on his fears. Those were anxiety-inducing and, oftentimes, it took longer for Jay to cope with the aftermath of them. These fear-based hallucinations were far more difficult to handle than the inane ones that blended into the background of his daily life.

However, once Nadakhan had rewound time, taking away everyone’s memories of the events that transpired during the djinn’s reign, hallucinations that mixed with flashbacks made Jay feel trapped in a very unique hell that nobody but him could fully understand.

Both Nya and Jay agreed early on that they couldn’t keep their fight against the djinn a secret. It wouldn’t have been fair to anyone, and it would only make the team worry about why Jay had become so much more prone to hallucinations than he had been up to now. It didn’t make coming clean about that disaster of a timeline any easier, but the admission did help the others more quickly recognize when Jay might be experiencing hallucinations based on those forgotten events.

Recently, tactile hallucinations had been the bane of Jay’s existence. They had been pretty rare in the past, but nowadays, they made him feel like he was going mad. He’d experienced a lot of “firsts” regarding hallucinations recently, and he hated it. It very quickly made Jay feel that living an even moderately comfortable life was no longer possible.

He didn’t want to deal with hallucinations anymore.

But it wasn’t like he had any other choice.

Sat around the dinner table, everyone helped themselves to Zane’s cooking. The only person who didn’t seem eager to indulge was Jay. He took a few bites of his food here and there, but by the time Kai started going for seconds, Jay hadn’t even gotten through half his plate.

Nya, who was seated at his side, was the first to catch onto his behavior. “What’s wrong, sparky? You’ve barely touched your food.”

Jay bit at his lip while spearing another chunk of potato with his fork. “I just don’t have an appetite,” he said dully. Still, he brought the fork to his mouth and convinced himself to eat.

Cole called out the excuse at his other side by saying, “You were complaining just an hour ago that you were starving and ready for dinner.”

The joking tone in Jay’s response didn’t quite sound genuine. “Yeah, but that was an hour ago. A lot can change in an hour, you know?” 

“Buddy, you were hungry up until about five minutes ago. You were the first one in the kitchen when Zane said food was ready.” 

Nya took note of how Jay’s gaze fell to the plate in front of him, and she noticed their conversation was now the focus of the table. “What changed?” She asked Jay.

“Nothing.”

His body jittered slightly as he continued bouncing his foot under the table, and for the moment, Jay abandoned his attempts at trying to eat dinner. He had the fork in his hand, but it stayed resting on his plate. At his side, Nya shifted her sitting position to face him a bit better. 

“All of us can tell that’s not true. What’s got you anxious?”

“It’s just a hallucination. Don’t worry about it.”

At first, everyone in the room felt proud of him for being able to pinpoint one of his hallucinations, but one by one, the realization hit them that they hadn’t even noticed. Jay was simply doing his best to cope with it covertly.

Nya asked him, “What kind of hallucination is it?”

“I can smell something,” he admitted in a quiet voice. Finally lifting his gaze, he gestured to the full cup in front of him. “My drink smells like the ones Nadakhan spiked when I was on his ship.”

Across the table, Zane commented sympathetically, “You don’t frequently experience olfactory hallucinations. This is only the second one you’ve had, correct?”

Jay nodded in response.

The first time he’d experienced one, he’d been with Nya on a walk. He briefly caught the smell of a disgustingly expensive cologne, similar to the one Nadakhan always wore. The thought of that scent still made his nose scrunch to this day. His mother never wore anything so repugnantly fancy. But as soon as he mentioned the smell to Nya to make sure she wouldn’t have an allergic reaction, she came to the conclusion that there was nothing around them that would trigger anaphylaxis. She couldn’t smell it or notice any reaction to the scent Jay hadn’t been able to ignore.

Zane asked, “Do you want to get yourself a new drink, Jay?”

After a moment of hesitation, Jay pushed back his seat to do as Zane suggested. “Yeah. I think my appetite’s shot for the night, but water would probably do me some good.”

He poured the liquid in his cup down the drain. It was obviously not spiked. It didn’t even have the telltale purple color of Nadakhan’s drug, and it was the same exact water that everyone else had in their cups. Unfortunately, there was little he could do to turn off his brain’s paranoid self-preservation instincts. He grabbed a sealed bottle of water from their emergency supply and took his seat again.

His brain continued to be unhelpful even after breaking the bottle’s seal, but he made himself take a few sips.

Jay tried to convince everyone to go back to their meals and whatever conversations they’d been having before the focus shifted to him, but everyone found it difficult to ignore Jay’s obvious discomfort. He stayed abnormally silent, his leg continued bouncing under the table, he barely touched his drink, and the tension that wracked his body as he picked at the skin of his fingers was simply unignorable.

Just a few minutes later, Nya excused herself and Jay saying she’d be back shortly. Then she took Jay’s hand to lead him away from the dining table. 

In the living room, she took a seat on the couch and lightly pulled Jay down to get him to sit beside her.

Almost immediately the anxiety that Jay had let build up while in front of everyone started to spill over as his body shook and tears started to roll down his cheeks. Nya wrapped him in a hug, and he buried his head in her shoulder.

“Hey, it’s okay. Try to breathe,” Nya hushed as she rubbed Jay’s back. “What happened? Is it just the hallucination that’s getting to you, or is there something else?” 

She waited a few moments and got no response as Jay’s body continued to shake in her hold. If she couldn’t get him to open up, he’d continue his spiral and the conversation would go nowhere. With a soft pat on his back, Nya shifted to try and make Jay sit up again. Only when she caught his eye, did she speak.

“Breathe with me. Okay? Crying like this is only making it harder to breathe, and you know that. So copy me and listen to my voice.”

The two spent a while trying to get Jay to regulate. Nya counted breaths for him as he followed along, and she prompted him to focus on slowing his heartbeat. Although the first few minutes were difficult, Nya eventually was able to coax Jay into a calmer state. Fresh tears still pooled around Jay’s eyes and his sniffles didn’t fully subside, but his breaths hitched less often and speaking didn’t feel like such an impossible task anymore.

Jay kept a hold on Nya’s hand and said quietly, “Thanks for getting me out of there. I’m sorry about this.” He struggled to hold her gaze in the face of his embarrassment.

“You were overwhelmed and needed an out. Don’t worry about it. Now, what exactly happened back there? Was it the hallucination that had you on edge, or was there something else?”

Nya noticed how Jay worried his lip before responding. 

“Mostly the hallucination,” he admitted. “It triggered one thought that led to another and then another, and it’s just… They’re really hard to cope with lately, and every time I think there can’t possibly be anything else for my brain to throw at me, something like tonight happens. A lot of the time, I can’t even tell it’s a hallucination.”

Nya said, “Even recognizing this one tonight is progress. You haven’t had this one before, right? Doesn’t that mean it’s getting easier for you to distinguish them from reality?”

“You don’t understand, Nya. They are reality to me. And it can be terrifying! Like tonight. It’s not like I anxiously psyched myself into thinking ‘Hey, maybe my drink was spiked because it happened in the past and could happen again.’ It’s a lot more like ‘I can literally smell the same drug I’ve been roofied with before, and drinking it would be willingly poisoning myself.’ Nya- I just…” 

It seemed to Nya like the words physically caught in Jay’s throat.

“It’s just not fair that I can’t trust my own brain. Even when I’m not experiencing flashbacks, I gotta question everything I think I know. If I just had to deal with anxiety and paranoia, I could at least logic with myself that there’s no way to even get whatever djinnjagan drug the pirates used. With hallucinations, though, the proof is all right there in front of me. It’s so real. And I don’t know if I can explain it in any way that makes sense because I’m apparently the only one whose brain is so blatantly lying to them.”

Jay's hand slipped away from Nya’s, and he held them in front of him while staring them down, as if trying to understand what about him was so foreign. Without looking up, he asked breathily, "Nya, what the heck is wrong with me?"

Nya took a moment to simply observe Jay before responding. Something between fear and frustration leached into his every movement. “I don’t know why you started experiencing hallucinations,” she began. Saying that nothing was wrong definitely wouldn’t make either of them feel better. “But right now, especially after everything that happened in the other timeline, it makes sense to be extra stressed and paranoid. Zane said that alone could be a trigger.” 

She caught Jay’s attention again as he let his hands fall to his lap.

“I know my nightmares are difficult enough to deal with after everything with Nadakhan, so I can only imagine what it’s like for you with hallucinations on top of that… but things will get better. You’ll find ways to make dealing with them easier, and they might stop being as frequent or intense.”

“I hate this,” Jay said in a bitter tone. “This is insane. Not to be all ‘woe is me,’ but why do I have to be the only one to get hallucinations? At least when Zane was having them on Chen’s island, they stopped pretty fast. So what exactly did I do to deserve this?”

“You have every right to be frustrated, Jay. You have every right to be furious even. I really don’t think there’s a good answer to your question, but griping about it won’t get rid of them.” Her last sentence made Jay’s expression sour. “So what do you want to do right now?”

“I want these hallucinations to stop and to forget everything that happened with Nadakhan!” After realizing he had snapped and raised his voice, Jay quickly got ahold of himself and meekly let his gaze drop. “Sorry.”

Nya nodded, and she placed a pat on Jay’s knee. “Okay, cool. You got that out of your system. Now, what’s something you want to do that’s actually realistic? What can the guys and I do to help right now?”

A long hesitation preceded Jay’s words. “I really feel like I need to punch or break something,” he said. Only after admitting that, did he meet Nya’s gaze again, and he asked, “Do you want to come to the practice course with me? Actually, wait. You still didn’t finish dinner, right? You’re probably still hungry.”

Those questions were reassuring to Nya. Jay’s thoughts were scattered but not broken, and that was characteristic of his normal train of thought; it was a sign that he was starting to calm down. Nya could tell he was still in the throes of all the emotions his hallucination and subsequent spiral had stirred up, but he was starting to sound more like the Jay she liked to see. 

“I’ve had enough food for now,” Nya told him. “Come on. Let’s go burn off some of that frustrated energy. Maybe by the end of it, you’ll work up an appetite again, too. You should try to manage a real meal before bed anyhow.”

Nya was the first to stand from the couch, and Jay followed behind her. His eyes were still puffy from crying. 

Maybe she couldn’t do much to help control Jay’s hallucinations, but she knew how to throw a punch, and that’s what Jay thought would help for the moment.

Jay spoke from behind her, “We both can try to finish dinner after training. Okay?”

She smiled at him over her shoulder. “Sounds like a plan.”

With a quick stop by the dining room to update the team on their whereabouts, Nya and Jay headed outside for a few rounds with the training dummies. Maybe tonight wasn’t perfect, but as they settled into fighting stances and started throwing attacks, Nya felt glad to see the tension slowly leaving Jay’s body. For tonight, everything would turn out okay.

Jay just wanted to give up for the day. Sleepless nights led him to turn down the invite from his family to go for dinner at Chen’s Noodle House. Going into public meant having to look and act like a functional person, and right now he needed the freedom to be a lowlife. It had probably been too long since his last shower, and he was certain he looked like a sewer rat, but things were too difficult today for him to care.

 Staying home also meant he could use coping strategies that otherwise might not be acceptable while in public. Though to be honest, today had been a day of persistent triggers and hallucinations and he was extremely exhausted from dealing with them. The embarrassment of it all led Jay to feigning a cold. That’s why he hadn’t showered; that was why he didn’t have an appetite; that was the reason he didn’t particularly want to let Skylor see him. Because he was a little under the weather. Certainly not because he couldn’t trust his senses, or because he didn’t have the energy to try and figure out which hallucinations were real.

Normally, he’d have been honest with his family about how intense the day had been, but the shame he felt just thinking about himself was too intense right now. He probably looked homeless, and it felt pathetic to admit he didn’t even care to try coping anymore. That he didn’t particularly care for his own wellbeing at the moment. He just felt disgusting and embarrassed, and it was easier to hide rather than face it all.

With Mr. Cuddlywomp in his arms, Jay dragged himself to the kitchen and took note of the stain that sullied the wooden floorboards of the Bounty that he’d have to mop up later. Or maybe not. He should mop just in case; he’d gotten good at mopping thanks to his time on the Misfortune’s Keep anyhow.

In the pantry, he shuffled through the options available to him, begging for something to seem appetizing. He’d have probably been chastised if the others were aware of how little he’d eaten today, but it wasn’t his fault that every food item reminded him of the maggot-infested slop he’d been served while Nadakhan’s prisoner. How could he stomach anything when it seemed like insect larvae made their way into every meal? 

But that was okay. He could just choke down a glass of water and hope that left him feeling full enough for now. The food wasn’t going anywhere, so he could just eat it another time, when it seemed less volatile.

The hunger in his stomach didn’t feel very satisfied as dribbles of water spilled down his chin. It would have to do, though.

He took a seat in the living room, feeling miserable as he held onto his stuffed animal, but at least he could experience his misery alone without having to worry about onlookers. Only the occasional whisper was his company right now. Jay took a deep breath, and his thoughts led back to the large floor stain he had to pass again on his way to the couch. The traumatized part of him felt worried that if he looked down at his hands right now, they’d be covered in dirt or dried blood. Sometimes his body didn’t even feel like his.

A series of knocks sounded against the wall to his left. That wasn’t a pattern he recognized? It startled him, but he pushed it from his mind. He would just wait for any potential visitors to leave. He’d already committed to not letting anyone see him right now. It didn’t matter if any knocks were real because he wouldn’t be answering the door.

Jay ran his hands through his tangled hair with a heavy sigh, trying to get the knots out. If he couldn’t manage a shower, the least he could do was try to get rid of the knots. Unfortunately, the few strands of hair that caught in his fingers when he pulled his hand away felt somehow unsettling to look at. 

He didn’t want to think about it. 

Why did he even think he could relax? It was late enough in the day that he should have known better than to expect it to improve… Today was a day for anxiety and stress and he’d just have to get over it. The best he could hope for was dissociation to make the time pass quickly, then maybe tomorrow could be better.

Jay thought again to the stains in the kitchen. Maybe he should just clean it up now. He was already dirty from needing a shower, and anything else he thought to do was just inviting new terrors to plague him. 

He hadn’t had a day this exhausting in months. At least, he didn’t seem to be having any flashbacks. If those had been a part of the day, he definitely wouldn’t have been able to hide his struggles from his teammates. Part of him didn’t even know why he’d been trying to.

After filling up a bucket with soap and water, Jay set to cleaning the splotchy stain. Even if the blood-red tint probably wasn’t real, maybe the stain was. Either way, the floor could always use a good cleaning. It gave maggots less of a reason to show up. 

He set his tired body to work, trying to remind himself that he’d done this exact same task with far less energy in far worse conditions in the past. At least right now, he was alone. No pirates to mock him or get in his way. All he had to do was clean. Clean and listen to the sound of rapping on the doorway that grated his ears. He wasn’t planning on letting anyone in, regardless of how much banging there was. It sure was aggravating, though.

The scurrying of a rat caught Jay’s eye, and the sight caught him by surprise. The bounty never had rats. Sometimes a small mouse would stow away onboard, but never rats. He would have to let the others know if there was one on the ship. To test his theory though, Jay wrung out the rag that hung off the side of his bucket and threw it at the rodent. Ah. So that one was a hallucination. Good. At least, the ship didn’t have a rat problem.

He’d pick up the rag in a bit, but he focused on mopping the floor. He couldn’t tell if his scrubbing was making much of a difference, but he carried on. As he’d already determined, the floors were always in need of a good mop anyhow.

Jay felt tired as his stomach rumbled again. He didn’t pay it any mind. The next set of knocks startled him since they sounded much closer this time. He cursed under his breath for them to screw off as he took a pause from his diligent cleaning. His empty eyes stared into nothingness.

He felt miserable, but he knew sleep wasn’t an option. As much as he wanted it to be. 

Instead, he pushed onward as his shoulders started to ache. He tried to fend off lethargy with difficulty.

Maybe thirty minutes later, he felt like he’d done as much as he could to clean the worst parts of the kitchen, and he told himself he’d give the whole floor one last pass through before moving somewhere else. 

However, he didn’t get that far as he heard voices at the front entrance to the Bounty. Kai’s voice beamed loudly, and Jay knew the others were not far behind. He didn’t go to meet them, but Lloyd walked into the kitchen first with a bag of leftovers. Cole and Nya had their own bags, too.

Although Jay still wasn’t keen on being perceived, he hadn’t been able to clean up everything in the few moments since they had all gotten home. Plus, he didn’t want anyone to slip on the wet floors either. 

“Careful, guys. The floor’s wet,” he warned them.

Nya raised a brow, eyeing him skeptically, as Lloyd moved to put his food in the fridge. 

Cole asked, “I thought you were feeling sick? Something happen?” He plopped his bag of takeout in front of Jay. “And this is for you. We brought you back dinner.”

Jay accepted the bag and did look curiously to see what he’d been brought. His hunger still hadn’t subsided, and he was hoping it was a meal he thought he could stomach. “I just, um, couldn’t get to sleep, so I thought maybe I could tire myself out with cleaning or something.”

Of course, the takeout noodles wriggled as if they were worms in the container. Jay would just skip dinner tonight. The unfortunate part was that it smelled good. “And thanks, man. I’ll probably have it tomorrow. How’s Skylor?”

“She’s alright,” Nya told him. “She’s thinking of trying out weekly specials, but nothing new aside from that. She said she wants something to make the restaurant feel more unique to her, given that she’s been running it the same way ever since she took over the business from her dad.”

“That’s cool. New recipes coming soon then?” Jay asked dully, feigning interest. He placed the container of food he’d been brought in the fridge next to Lloyd’s, then he went to wash his hands again in hopes of getting rid of the feeling of grime that covered his palms and the underbed of his nails.

“That’s what she’s hoping,” Cole told him. 

Lloyd came to stand next to Jay at the counter, taking note of the steam rising from the sink. “So are you actually feeling any better? You look kinda rough.”

Jay didn’t realize how long he’d been scrubbing his hands until the water nearly burned him. He quickly shut off the faucet and dried his now red skin. With a quick glance to where the stain had been on the floor, he thought to himself that he must have done a good job scrubbing. The floor looked much better now. Then he caught sight of the stupid rat from earlier. He knew the one from before had been a hallucination since he tested it. He had to hope this one was, too.

“I feel pretty garbage, honestly,” Jay admitted. “Gonna head to bed again soon, I think.”

His eyes followed the rat as it rushed to a corner of the room he couldn’t see. He’d have to make sure there wasn’t a nest forming there later.

“What are you looking at?” Lloyd asked.

“Hm?” Jay turned to properly look at Lloyd, and that’s when he realized he probably shouldn’t have let himself be so obvious. It had been an off day; that’s why he’d been trying to avoid people in the first place. Jay knew he should have retreated to his bed when he had the chance. It was too difficult to decipher hallucination from reality, too difficult to play mind games right now.

“It seemed like you were distracted. Your eyes were following something. What did you see?”

This was alright. He didn’t have to admit to exactly how bad the day had been. With a nod, Jay said, “I thought I saw a rat in the corner. I know we don’t usually get them though, so we should probably make sure there aren’t more.”

Cole hummed and looked over to where Jay had pointed. “Well, we definitely don’t want those guys getting homey in here, but rats aren’t really common for us. Traps might be a good idea, but is there any chance it was a hallucination?”

“Maybe?” Jay said uncertainly with a shrug. He didn’t want to admit that he’d seen another one less than an hour ago. He just wanted to start fresh tomorrow and forget about today.

Nya pulled him out of his thoughts by saying, “We can just keep an eye out for now. Mice would be more likely than rats anyhow, so let's see if we spot another one before making traps.”

“Alright.” A break in the conversation came up, and Jay tried to ignore the cacophony in his ears. “I should try to get to bed,” he said.

“Did you get anything for dinner while we were out?” Cole asked.

“I snacked around,” Jay lied.

A suffocating feeling squeezed Jay’s chest as emotions from the day started to catch up to him. He just wanted to get away, to be a disappointment to himself in peace.

“Okay. Feel better soon, bluebell,” Cole said to him with a sympathetic smile. 

Lloyd wished Jay a quick goodnight, and Nya offered to walk him back to his room, but he turned her down.

Part of Jay felt nauseated at how he lied to everyone’s face, but another part of him felt disappointed that they fell for it. Maybe they didn’t. Maybe they were just being courteous and respecting his blatant facade. None of it mattered anyway. He just needed to get to sleep. Tomorrow would have to be better, right?

Now, if only getting to sleep were as easy as willing it into existence. Unfortunately, Jay knew very well that wasn’t how things worked.

Jay laid on his bed for who knew how long, but evening gradually turned to night, and Jay had nothing to show for it. How could he get to sleep when there were so many things to keep his brain awake?

He heard another knock and decidedly ignored it once again. Though he was surprised when the door to his room opened a few moments later. Oh. That was one of the few knocks of the day that had been real. 

Light spilled into his room, and Jay raised his head to see who had stopped by. Nya’s shadowed face come into view. 

“Still up?” She asked.

“Mhmm.”

“Can I come in?”

Jay thought to say no, and hesitation was audible in his response, but he let her in.

She took a seat on Jay’s bed as he stayed curled up on his side around her.

“Hard brain day?” Nya asked him. She got a silent nod as her answer. “Are you actually feeling sick?” He admitted that he wasn’t. “Lloyd asked me to come check on you. I’m kinda glad he did because I wanted to, but I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Lloyd asked you?”

“Yeah. I think he and Cole knew you weren’t really sick.” The room fell silent. “Why were you mopping the floors earlier?”

“I already told you. I couldn’t get to sleep earlier.” Jay wished he’d had the time to mop his room too. The paranoia of maggots collecting in his room was getting to him. That’s what had happened in his cell on Nadakhan’s ship, and he felt worried it could happen here, too. 

“You’ve been cleaning a lot more recently. Is it because of what happened in the other timeline?”

“Maybe.” 

Definitely, but it was also to help cope with the worst of his hallucinations.

“Can I ask something?” Nya said.

“… Can we sit in silence for now?” He was really tired, and even in the dark, his eyes tried to deceive him, making him see the bugs he dreaded accumulating near the corner of his dresser. He shut his eyes and took a breath, even though he didn’t expect it to help.

“Just one last question?” Nya insisted.

Jay really didn’t want to comply. He just wanted silence.

She told him, “I won’t pry. I just want to know the answer.”

“Okay. Just one question,” Jay relented.

“How bad have the hallucinations been tonight? On a scale from one to ten.”

He thought for a moment, and he felt uncomfortable at telling her his answer. “Eight.”

Then, true to her word, Nya didn’t ask anything further. Jay knew she probably felt bad for having left him alone tonight after knowing that, though. “Try not to worry about it.”

“We’re always gonna worry about you, dummy,” she said without malice. “If you’re okay with it, how about you scoot over so I can lay down, too? Let’s see if we can’t both get to sleep. I’ll fight your nightmares if you fight mine.”

The sentiment made the smallest smile tug at Jay’s lips. He made room for her, and he let her be the big spoon as they faced the wall. 

The night would still be bad, but maybe it would be less bad with Nya here.

Tomorrow would be better. 

Getting to sleep had become an unprecedentedly difficult task for Jay since his time on the Misfortune’s Keep. Even months later, Jay found it hard to fall and stay asleep. Especially since night often pushed his thoughts in a negative direction and, if his paranoia was bad enough, it would trigger phantom sensations and hallucinations that only doubled his resolve to give up on sleep. It was nights like tonight that made him physically jolt in bed at the feeling of hands touching his legs or bugs crawling on his skin.

His body felt unendingly tense at the fear of someone bursting into his room in order to yank him towards another beating, and no matter how many times he checked the lock on his door or used the moonlight to make sure he was alone, his trauma response just wouldn’t let up. He was so tired, but it didn’t seem like he would get any sleep tonight. Even if he did, there was a good chance he'd wake up only a few hours later from a nightmare. 

Jay took a shaky breath, trying to calm himself after he’d flinched away from the third bout of phantom touch for the night. Touch that felt too invasive for comfort. 

An unrelenting tightness clawed at Jay's chest as he cautiously swung his legs over the side of his bed. He didn’t want to be in this tiny room. Right now, it reminded him a lot of the cell he’d spent weeks in. It reminded him of the pirates that came in whenever they wanted to torment him, drug him, or even worse. He just needed to get out. In here, his eyes were playing tricks on him. But not in the way visual hallucinations would. More so in the way light reflected on dust particles to spook him or how an oddly shaped cloud would pass by his window and cast shadows that danced dangerously.

Before stepping into the hall, Jay cracked his bedroom door and stayed alert for any sign of movement. Not because he truthfully believed someone was walking the halls of the Destiny’s Bounty so late at night, but because his brain wouldn’t let him leave otherwise. 

He quickly made his way to the kitchen and turned on a light. It made him squint at first, but being able to see the open area clearly gave him peace of mind. Any semblance of calm was necessary right now to cope with the feeling of arms snaking around his waist or the sound of whispers and knocking in the distance.

It was so late at night that he didn’t know what to do. Thankfully, Nya seemed to be asleep. Jay would have seen her when he passed by the living room if she were having a hard night, too. Though, he'd been having far more of them than her lately.

He stood at the counter for a few minutes, trying to take deep breaths, and he kept his hands planted on the cool wood top counter in front of him. Maybe he should make some tea. It probably would help more than doing nothing. 

When Jay heard knocking again — a sound that was often one of his recurring hallucinations — he grit his teeth. He didn’t need this crap tonight. It made sense that his trauma responses triggered paranoia which triggered hallucinations which only further heightened the paranoia, but if his brain could choose between trauma-based hallucinations and ordinary ones, he would have really fucking appreciated it.

Jay tried to focus on the buzz of his element within his body, and he forced himself to follow grounding techniques that others had prompted him through in the past, but it was far easier said than done. They never seemed to work as well when he was doing them alone, but he tried anyway.

Another shaky breath escaped him as he heard footsteps.

The sound made his head jerk up to find its source, and he felt relieved to see a sleepy Cole coming into the kitchen.

“Oh, hey, buddy,” Cole said with a yawn. “I went to take a leak and saw the light on. You alright?”

After a moment’s hesitation, Jay gave a few quiet nods. “I’ll be fine.”

“I didn’t ask if you would be. I asked if you’re okay right now?” Cole went closer to Jay, standing on the other side of the counter. This wasn’t the first time in the past few weeks that Cole had caught him up in the middle of the night.

“Not really,” Jay admitted.

“So what’s up? Did you have a nightmare?”

Jay’s lips suddenly pressed into a thin line, and he hurriedly brushed off his pajamas near his torso. It seemed like a strange movement to Cole. Discomfort clung to Jay making him seem very tense, and Cole did his best to make himself feel more awake.

“I didn’t get any sleep yet,” Jay told him quickly. “I can’t stop feeling on edge.”

“How so?”

Cole noticed an unused tea bag next to Jay, but the kettle wasn’t turned on or steaming. After years on the Bounty, their master had drilled the idea into them all that a cup of tea was the first step to calming down, so Cole went to heat up some water since Jay obviously had been trying to.

“I don’t know if I can talk about it,” Jay said while turning to watch him. “It’s just a lotta stuff from the other timeline that's keeping me up. No matter what I do, I feel physically in danger, and the hallucinations have been pretty constant tonight, which isn’t helping either. Tactile and auditory. Because I know you’re gonna ask.”

“I know you’ve been having them a lot more frequently since the whole sky pirate thing. What made you realize you were hallucinating?”

Cole set the kettle to start then watched as his friend stared into nothingness.

After a moment of thought, Jay told him evenly, “Knocking is one of my recurring hallucinations, so I know to question other things I hear too, and the tactile hallucinations are ones that aren’t possible in this timeline… But it still feels very real.”

It had been harder for Jay to discern hallucinations from reality lately. For a while, Jay seemingly got quite good at it, but since that day atop the billboard, he had noticeably more trouble. That’s part of the reason why now, whenever Jay did successfully recognize a hallucination, this was a standard question to ask him. It made Jay more likely to recognize future hallucinations, and it helped the team pinpoint times when Jay might unknowingly be experiencing them, so they could bring it to his attention.

Cole said to him, “I know it’s rough. Do you want me to stay awake with you? Master Wu said tomorrow would be a recovery day, so we can watch a movie or stargaze or something.”

Jay seemed hesitant to accept the offer, but Cole could tell he wanted company.

“Once tea’s ready, let's go sit outside. How about it? It’s a bit muggy, but we can do something to take your mind off it. Do you think music would make the auditory hallucinations better or worse?”

A shrug reached Jay’s shoulders. “Probably worse.”

“Then what do you want to do? It’s up to you.”

The kettle went off behind them while Jay shook anxious energy from his hands. “I’m not sure. It’s kinda hard to stay focused right now.”

“What about if I doodle on you, or maybe paint your nails? You said the tactile hallucinations are pretty bad tonight. Do you think having another type of touch to focus on might be a good distraction?”

At first, Cole thought that was another suggestion Jay didn’t feel comfortable with, but his brother’s nod brought a small smile to his face.

Jay took hold of the mug he was handed and said, “I might be able to handle doodles, I think. I’m kinda interested to see what you’d draw actually.”

“Alright then. Let’s grab a paint pen and we can sit outside. What color do you want, bluejay?”

“Hmm, let's do purple.”

It probably would have been quicker for Cole to go alone and grab the pen, but he let Jay walk alongside him in the quiet halls. Cole thought he saw Jay reacting to one of his hallucinations, but he didn’t call it out. Jay knew what was going on, but he was low on sleep and feeling stressed in the midst of trauma. They’d be outside soon enough, and hopefully, that would help.

Taking care not to spill his drink, Jay took a seat next to Cole near one of the Bounty’s ledges on the ship’s upper deck. Cole let one of his legs hang down, and Jay faced him criss-cross.

When he reached for the hand that wasn’t holding the tea cup, Jay flinched back, and it caught Cole off guard, too.

Jay apologized quickly, but he only held Cole’s gaze for a second. “Sorry. I just wasn’t ready or expecting that, I guess. I should have been, but…”

“Hey, it’s alright,” he told Jay. “I should have warned you. You already said you’ve been dealing with tactile hallucinations, so I should have used my brain and considered that first. Are you ready now? Do you wanna try again?”

Cole held his hand out this time as an invite for Jay to meet him halfway. The hesitation in Jay’s response made Cole feel sympathetic and disheartened. He knew Jay hadn’t actually been scared of him, but that didn’t mean he felt solace at seeing someone he cared about flinch from his touch like that. 

As Jay placed his hand out too, Cole said, “I won’t ask anything else if you don’t want me to, but have some of your hallucinations tonight been about people touching you?”

Jay gave a slow nod that Cole almost missed as he uncapped the pen. In a quiet voice, Jay told him, “Yeah… In the other timeline, the pirates thought my personal space was really fun to invade. I’m sure you could tell just from what I’ve said about scrap n tap, but they were really handsy with me in general.”

Jay’s words made Cole frustrated that he couldn’t remember the sky pirates. Apparently, he’d been the one to find Jay when they infiltrated Nadakhan’s ship. If only he could remember how Jay had looked that day.

He heard Jay say, “Tonight’s just been a fun mix of flashbacks and hallucinations.”

Cole did his best not to let himself get too riled up as his lips pressed into a thin line. He focused on adding to the drawing he’d started on Jay’s hand, and he noticed Jay take another sip of his tea. 

Without looking up from his design, Cole told him, “Well, you got me here now. I can’t do much, but as long as it’s just us, I’ll make sure nobody even thinks to lay a hand on you.” He paused. “I’m sorry I can’t do something to help with the hallucinations, though.”

“You’re drawing on me,” Jay responded simply.

“Do you think it’s actually helping?”

Cole looked ahead to see Jay taking in each line with fascinated eyes. He looked more comfortable with having his hand in Cole’s than he did just a minute ago.

“Not sure yet, but I think so,” Jay said.

Hearing that made Cole feel thankful as he refocused on Jay’s hand. It was honestly a bit difficult to see the purple ink using only moonlight, but they were up high enough that it wasn’t too terrible.

A quiet overtook the conversation, and Cole eventually started to fill it with humming. He was a bit tired, but he’d rather be here helping Jay get through a rough night than let him struggle alone. Especially since training would be light tomorrow. Though his hope was to get Jay relaxed enough to eventually drag him to bed.

Before long, an intricate purple pattern overtook the majority of Jay’s left hand and it even trailed past his wrist and curled up some of his fingers. He seemed to really enjoy seeing how the drawing molded to his skin as he moved.

“Do you like it so far?” Cole asked.

A genuine smile covered Jay’s face for the first time that night, and he wiggled his fingers as Cole moved the pen away. “Yeah! It looks so cool. Like it could be a tattoo.”

“Do you still think this is helping?”

“It’s… actually helping more than I thought it would,” Jay told him. “I’m definitely still a bit off, but this is helping. Do you think you could do some more?”

Cole agreed with a laugh. “Sure thing, bud. I’ll do a little more so you can finish your tea, but we should try to get some rest soon. Zane and Nya are gonna thwack you with a pillow if they catch you staying up all night again.”

Jay gave his hand back to Cole and huffed,  “ As if I’m scared of Zane and Nya.”

The comment earned him an amused side-eye, but Cole went back to drawing. “Sure you aren’t. I’ll cover for your insomnia, but only if you try to get some more sleep once you finish your tea. Deal? We can share a bed or sleep on the couch if that’s easier, but you gotta try to get some sleep, man. You’re crazy if you think I’m gonna let you make a habit of sleepless nights like this. Any of us really.”

Jay’s gaze fell to the side with a grumble, but he did eventually agree to Cole’s compromise. “Alright, I’ll try again to get some sleep, but I want you to finish the design you started. Then we can head to bed. Any problems with that?”

Cole rotated Jay’s arm between them to see what still needed to be done. “Sounds like a deal to me. I’ll give you a quarter sleeve, then it’s off to bed.”

And thankfully, not even an hour later, the two were comfortably dozing off inside, and Jay had a new drawing tattoo that he could show off in the morning.

By this point, life was certainly far from predictable for the ninja team. After the sky pirates’ reign, Jay found that his days were turbulent more often than not. This was true for the team as a whole who had to watch their teammate struggle, especially when they had very limited options to help. But at the same time, Cole had managed to become human again, Nya had become fully comfortable in her role as the water ninja, and Lloyd was becoming more competent and comfortable as the leader for their team.

Considering how fresh Jay and Nya’s history with the sky pirates was, and taking note of how so many other things had been going right for the team as of late, everyone did their best to keep hopes high. 

Things would have to smooth over for both Jay and Nya soon enough. With a little more time and healing, everyone on the team would be able to fall into their own version of “normal” that they’d had before the Teapot of Tyrahn was ever discovered. Everyone would find a normal that meant each day would feel manageable. For now, they just had to persevere and derive hope from the many good things that had come their way recently.

With time, everyone would be okay. 

Even if the past couple months had been hell on earth for one ninja in particular.

Chapter Text

“Ugh! We’re never getting home!” Kai fumed while turning his back on the blasted transmission receiver. He heard Jay speak up behind him.

“So it doesn't work,” Jay said in a suave tone. “I'm telling you guys, I've been feeling so much better now that I've accepted our situation. This is our new home.”

His utter lack of care for their predicament earned him a glare from Kai, who continued pacing with tension wracking his body. He caught Cole’s voice next. 

“… You don’t sound yourself, Jay.”

Maybe Kai would have caught the concern behind Cole’s words had he not been wrapped up in his own head. There were probably a lot of things about this interaction that he would have noticed had the stress of being stranded in another realm not clouded his thoughts.

Jay laughed. “I'm just saying, you don't have to freak out about it. It could be worse.”

That was Kai’s breaking point. 

He went right up to Jay, and he couldn’t stop himself from raising his voice. “Worse?!” He hated the smirk on Jay’s face in that moment. “A strange tea lady just marooned us in the realm of oni and dragons. A realm, mind you, we know nothing about, with no hope of getting home and no clue as to what else is out there!”

“Uh, oni and dragon, duh,” Jay said without missing a beat.

Before Kai had a chance to bite back, Cole cut in. “Sure, Jay. We've all seen dragons, but aren't you the least bit concerned about coming across an oni? I mean, we hardly know anything about them.”

As Cole was speaking, it gave Kai a chance to finally notice that something seemed wrong with one of his brothers. It probably would have taken him longer to notice had Cole not cut him off from the conversation. 

There was something off about the way Jay carried himself. There wasn’t a drop of tension in his body as he made hand gestures that didn’t match the tone of the situation; his facial expressions shifted quickly, but only between ones that Kai had never seen on him before; and his eyes seemed partially lidded as his gaze wandered around, not staying focused on any of them. It made Kai realize there’d been something off with the tone he’d been speaking with, too. His voice sounded deeper than normal.

At the perplexing realization, Kai noticed he had missed part of the conversation. He’d been too busy observing Jay.

“I’m hungry,” little Wu complained from his spot below the ship.

Cole told him, “Sorry, Master, but I thought we told you. We're rationing our food.”

After a moment, Zane suggested to Wu, “Perhaps there is some useful guidance you could impart on us in this difficult time?”

And as the group waited expectantly, putting all their hope into a seven-year-old, Jay wandered to another part of the deck, seemingly not paying attention. Kai noticed this but kept his focus on Wu.

A drawn out pause filled the air, and everyone waited in anticipation. It crumbled to nothing when Wu only broke the silence to make the exact same complaint about being hungry, and it got a laugh out of Jay.

His laugh made a despairing feeling form in Kai’s gut. Something was definitely wrong. Jay was laughing at the prospect of them starving. However, this wasn’t in the joking way the whole group had been used to since day one. There was some disconnect. One that made Jay not internalize the reality of their situation at all.

"Jay, you should be freaking out right now. Like, really freaking out. That’s your whole thing, isn’t it?” Kai asked.

But Jay remained unfazed. “Kai, baby,” he started, “it's much easier coping with life's problems when you let go of hope.”

The response left him speechless as Jay kept rambling, and he could only watch on as Jay casually slid down the ramp from the Bounty to the desert floor. Kai felt torn between wanting to shake common sense back into Jay and wanting to utterly deflate at feeling confused and helpless. What the hell was happening to him? 

This didn’t seem like any hallucination Jay had experienced in the past. In a way, it didn’t seem like a hallucination at all. But something was very wrong, and Kai had no idea what it was.

Little Wu complained about being hungry once more, and Kai groaned at him. “We all are.”

It took a few more minutes for the group to convince Wu to go in search of food with Cole, and when they eventually left, Kai felt a small bit of relief. Between Wu and Jay, there was too much on Kai’s mind. He just needed a break. Cole and Zane probably felt the same way. 

As Jay lounged on the ground against a piece of debris from the ship, Zane was at Kai’s side trying to help him repair the radio transmitter. Not that Kai was much help. This kind of tech was way out of his league. This was a job better suited for Zane and Jay.

The thought made him frown. “This would probably be so much easier if the guy whose hobby is inventing things out of scrap parts would help us.”

“Agreed,” Zane said without shifting his focus. “But Jay is in no condition to provide reliable help at the moment.”

“But what’s wrong with him? This isn’t a hallucination. Right?”

Jay shouted from his spot on the ground. “Quit messin’ with my tunes, man!”

That was the second time he commented something about the music changing as they tinkered with the radio. Not that any sound was coming from the broken piece of machinery in the first place. 

On a normal day, Jay would likely be able to tell that the music he was hearing while stranded in a foreign desert was a hallucination. Auditory hallucinations were the ones he had the most success at identifying in recent months, and even when he misjudged them, he could always rely on his family for confirmation. Right now, though, Jay wouldn’t even believe them if they pointed out what was very obviously a hallucination.

“This does not seem to be like his typical hallucinations,” Zane said. “Jay’s temperament now is not in line with how he typically reacts to them either. It’s more likely that he is experiencing a larger-scale psychotic break with elements of hallucination. As far as I know, he’s never experienced psychosis for this long. Especially not with such intense delusions.”

“There’s a difference between hallucinations and delusions?” Kai asked him.

He tested the radio once more at Zane’s instruction, but there was no connection. He saw Zane reach for another set of wires with a furrowed brow. 

Zane explained, “Hallucinations involve the senses. Like how Jay keeps telling us to stop changing the music. The transmission radio is not playing music, but he hears it. Delusions involve false beliefs. Even after you scolded him about the dangers of being in this realm, he still does not acknowledge it as a possibility. I spoke with him earlier myself. He knows that we are stranded with very little hope of getting home, but he confidently believes we are not in imminent danger despite clear proof otherwise.”

“Do we know if he’s had delusions before?”

“Hallucinations and delusions often compound, so it’s safe to say yes. However, none of his delusions have been this persistent or troublesome.”

Zane’s handiwork came to a stop, and he seemed caught in his thoughts. 

Kai felt the same. He didn’t know what to think. Should they have been expecting this? Was this just par for the course once someone started experiencing hallucinations? He just didn’t know. It had been less than a day since crash landing, but never had Jay been this thoroughly detached from reality, and it was definitely scaring Kai. It was almost more frightening than the thought of being stranded in an unknown realm.

Sending a look Jay’s direction, Kai took note of the absent expression on his face. 

That was definitely still Jay, but any time he tried to talk with his brother it almost felt like speaking to another person entirely. There was something about the lack of understanding in Jay’s eyes that made them uncomfortable to look at, and everything about him screamed at Kai that this was very wrong. 

Part of Kai wished that he had gone with Wu in Cole’s stead. Not because he was off-put by Jay’s episode, but because seeing the state his brother was in made Kai feel overwhelmed and honestly scared for him. 

After taking a deep breath, he started messing with dials on the machine again to see if he could catch any frequency. Zane followed Kai’s lead and went back to his own task.

Kai said to him, “So what do we do? I dunno about you, but this is… honestly a lot. Maybe if it happened at home this would be okay. But right now — here in the middle of nowhere — this whole mess makes me nauseous just thinking about it.”

A long pause filled the air before Zane responded. “I don’t know what we should do.”

His words made Kai’s heart drop. That was the last thing he wanted to hear.

He turned towards Zane again, but the other wasn’t willing to look away from the radio in front of him.

All things considered, Kai didn’t blame him for not wanting to talk anymore. 

At some point, Jay had come up behind Zane without much warning. It was surprising, considering that Jay had seemed glued to his spot on the ground up until that moment. When he said he wanted to help and tried reaching for a live wire, though, Zane had yanked his arm away in a haste. It was quickly decided that Jay was not allowed near the radio for the time being, and he’d been led away with words of warning. However, the spike of anxiety shared by Kai and Zane over what happened was unsettling.

Unfortunately for everyone, that had not been the worst part of the afternoon.

That was merely a second of alarm compared to what the rest of the day had in store.

“Shut up!” Jay shouted at the top of his lungs. It ripped Kai and Zane’s focus away from their continued attempts to repair the radio. Immediately, the two ran to look over the side rails of their ship and find the source of the shrill scream. 

They saw Jay still on the ground, but he was knelt so that one leg was folded under him and the other was propped up so his knee was at his chest. He was leaned forward into the propped knee with anger written on his face. He looked ready to jump up, but irate eyes searched the area without finding what they were looking for.

Zane ran towards him with Kai close behind. They didn’t have a plan, but their friend was in distress at what was obviously a hallucination. They’d been able to help Jay cope with bad hallucinations before, but confidence was low due to how unrelenting their bad luck had been since even before arriving to this realm. Still, they needed to be there for Jay, just like they had in the past.

As Zane and Kai came closer, Jay took note of them, but he didn’t care to spare them any attention, still focused on whatever his mind had latched onto.

“What’s going on, Jay?” Kai asked tensely as he knelt next to his brother. He didn’t touch Jay, though. Especially after the issue with the sky pirates, everyone learned touch would likely only startle him when he was this worked up.

“He won’t shut up!” Jay snapped. His voice still sounded unnaturally pitched down.

Zane squatted, too, but once they were both in front of Jay, he quickly stood. Zane watched as he searched over their heads and Kai followed, but Zane himself didn’t want to move until he knew what Jay was thinking. 

“Who won’t be quiet?” Zane asked him. He needed to get a better sense of what Jay was experiencing. Denying that Jay was hearing things would only make him more anxious and distrustful.

“I don’t know!” Jay answered harshly. “I’m trying to find him, but he won’t shut up! Just listen.”

Both Kai and Zane saw Jay starting to work himself up. His breaths became quicker and shallower as anxiety made his upper body hitch. He let lightning sparks charge in his hand defensively as tension wracked his body.

Kai moved to stand in front of Jay again, but like last time, Jay shifted out of the way. “Hey, breathe,” Kai tried to tell him. “You’re gonna have a panic attack, Jay. You need to breathe.”

He saw unshed tears make Jay’s eyes glossy. Kai just wanted Jay to focus on him instead of the panic, and he struggled again to get Jay to look at him. However, Kai felt Zane grab at his sleeve from behind, effectively stopping him from moving forward again.

“He’s trying to find something,” Zane explained. “I believe us blocking him is only adding to his stress.” Zane pulled Kai back then spoke to Jay from his position to the side. “Jay. For right now, you are safe . Kai and I are here with you. What did you hear?”

“Someone’s here! I hear his voice. Telling me that I'm gonna get myself killed. That all I'm doing by staying on the team is putting everyone in danger, and that I'll get someone hurt by staying here. He says it’s either you or me, and I keep saying I'm gonna protect you guys no matter what, but he says the only way to do that is to leave. I'm dangerous here. And I need to run away before I get someone killed. And… and I think he's lying, but it won't stop no matter what I say! He's lying .” Jay looked around desperately again, taking a few steps forward. “Where is this guy? I’ll spinjitzu him to the ground! Show him who’s gonna get hurt.”

At the same time, Jay seemed scared to move much further in any direction.

Kai tried to answer Jay. He wanted to. But the way Jay became increasingly anxious and mentioned being a danger to himself made Kai struggle to stay rational. “Jay, buddy. Like Zane said, it’s just the three of us right now.”

“You’re wrong . Why won’t you believe me?” His plea sounded exasperated, but then he suddenly covered his ears and shut his eyes tight. “Just screw off already!” He didn’t seem to be speaking to Kai that time.

A stray tear fell from Jay’s eyes, and Kai wasn’t too far from joining him. This was too much. In that moment, Kai was reminded of what true hopelessness felt like, and it was hard to believe that they weren’t all going to starve in this realm while being forced to watch their loved ones deteriorate.

Zane, feeling overwhelmed himself, carefully raised his voice to ensure Jay heard him through his makeshift earmuffs. He asked, “Does who you’re hearing want to hurt you?” Staying calm was what mattered most, and Zane knew it.

“I don’t know!” Jay said through tears. “I… I don’t think so. I just know I’m not supposed to be here. I don’t want anyone else hurt because of me.”

Zane asked, “Do you think they want to hurt Kai or me?”

“I don’t think so. He said I’m gonna be the reason one of you gets hurt.” Jay took a few more shuddering breaths, looking very uncomfortable and alone. 

“Are you scared of this voice right now?”

“Yes!” He exclaimed without hesitation. “It won’t be quiet.”

Zane took a moment to think on his words as he focused on staying level-headed. It was hard to know what Jay might find calming when he was in this state of mind, but there had to be something that Zane could do to limit Jay’s anxiety until the worst of the episode passed. Even if he couldn’t make Jay break out of the delusion that a stranger was with them, there had to be something he could do to make it more manageable. For Jay as well as himself and Kai.

“Could you be scared of the voice because you don’t know where it’s coming from, or because it’s loud and patronizing? If it doesn’t want to hurt you or us, like you’ve said, then it’s not a threat, right? You also have Kai and myself here to protect you. With us here, you are safe, Jay.”

Jay thought for a long moment, ugly tears streaming down his face as he continued hiding his eyes and ears. Through tortured sobs and forced breaths, he slowly explained, “It’s loud and patronizing and it won’t stop. I don’t know who they are.”

“Do you feel safe?” Zane asked.

“… No.”

“Why don’t you feel safe?”

“I don’t know who’s saying this. Where are they?”

Zane didn’t have an answer for that. He tried to redirect Jay and give options that gave agency over the situation instead of indulging the hallucination. “Would me or Kai staying beside you offer enough comfort to help you calm down? We can ensure that nobody gets near you until you’re certain of the fact that it’s just us three here.”

Jay had opened his eyes again, but his gaze stayed downcast. “I don’t know. Can you find out where the person who’s saying these things is?” He kept his hands at his ears, ready to block out more sound, regardless of the fact that it likely wouldn’t block out the auditory hallucinations in the slightest.

“I can’t promise we’ll find anything,” Zane told him, “but do you want one of us to stay here with you until you don’t hear those upsetting things anymore? You need to tell us that’s what you want.”

Jay nodded in Zane's direction as he cringed. Then, under his breath, he chastised his hallucinations with a strained voice. “Go. Away.”

Zane took a long moment to observe Jay. He was still very distressed and clearly wasn’t going to calm down any time soon; however, he didn’t seem quite as reactionary anymore. Jay was still occasionally lashing out at his hallucinations, but he was able to follow the conversation and articulate his line of thought well enough to respond to Zane’s prompt questions. Unfortunately, the trade-off for these improvements left him visibly closed off and seemingly resigned to anguish for the time being.

Zane looked at Kai next. He still stood near Jay, but he looked understandably troubled, as well. It wasn’t often that anyone saw Kai cry, but the stress of being in the first realm had peaked, and a few tear trails stained his cheeks. His silence now only proved that he was at a loss. When he caught Zane staring, he tried to wipe away the evidence that he’d cried, then nodded a silent thanks for taking charge of the situation.

Focusing on Jay again, Zane asked, “Would you like to stay here, or would you rather go up to the ship? You can stay with us while we repair the transmission receiver.”

After a moment, he responded in a small voice, “Stay here.”

Zane looked to Kai. “Are you okay to stay with Jay?”

“You’re not going to stay, too?”

“I plan to first walk the perimeter to help put Jay’s mind at ease, but we can’t abandon our efforts on the transmission receiver yet. My skill set is better suited to keep working on repairs.” He saw Kai’s hesitant look. “Jay needs someone at his side right now. There’s little else we can do until this passes. You’ve helped him through similar instances before. You are capable of doing this.”

Kai gave a single nod and sighed. “You’re right. I know…” This was just a difficult situation that made him feel completely unprepared. He didn't feel like he alone would be grounding enough for Jay in this moment. Seeing Jay flinch at his side did little to calm Kai’s nerves.

“You are not alone in this,” Zane insisted. “I trust that you are capable of helping Jay stay calm, but I’m here, too. Should anything happen, I will only be a moment away. Please do not hesitate to call for my help.”

Staying quiet for a moment, Kai tried to share the faith Zane had in him. 

He honestly needed a break from working on the radio. He never had the necessary skills to be helpful with the repairs in the first place, but the thought of being dead weight while Zane labored away had made Kai unwilling to let him handle the task alone earlier. However, now, Zane was insisting that Kai could be useful elsewhere. He could help Jay feel safe, and that would allow Zane to go back to work uninterrupted. Not to mention that Zane had always been the type of person to work when troubled. Although Kai still felt uneasy, this was indeed the best option they had for the moment.

“Allow me to ask again. Are you okay to stay with Jay?”

Kai answered Zane with a bit more conviction this time. “I’ll be fine.” Looking to Jay — whose posture was still closed off and downcast — Kai asked him, “Is it okay if Zane walks the perimeter? I’ll stay next to you right here.”

Jay gave a silent nod in response.

“Is it okay to touch you right now?” He asked next.

Jay’s fingers curled tighter around his ears as his nails dug into skin, but he nodded again.

Kai finally gave Zane the okay to leave, and he guided Jay to sit down again. Kai’s heart continued thumping uncertainly in his chest as Jay continued to whimper. He lightly pulled at Jay’s fingers when they dug too deeply into his own skin, and all he could do was give hushed words of reassurance and redirect Jay’s bad habits as he heavily leaned into Kai despite the oppressive desert heat. If this was what Jay found most comfortable in the midst of his waking nightmare, Kai would endure it. Just like he’d endure the few shocks that Jay struggled to control in his riled up state. 

He knew Jay would take a burn from him if their positions were switched.

For the next couple of hours, Kai alternated between words of comfort, desperate attempts to keep Jay from lashing out at voices only he heard, and silent anguish of his own. Eventually, Jay’s hallucinations subsided long enough for Kai to get him to legitimately calm down, and at some point, Jay had exhausted himself to the point that he’d fallen asleep in Kai’s hold.

When Kai realized that Jay finally had tired himself, he laid Jay down in the sand once more with a bag under his head as a makeshift pillow. He thought to move Jay to the little shade that their wrecked ship provided, but knowing how reluctant Jay had been all day to leave this specific spot, Kai settled for moving Jay’s fringe out of his face and nothing more. With one last look at him, Kai noticed how sand clung to his hair and a layer of sweat stuck to his sunburnt skin. At this point, the heat had gotten to everyone. 

Kai left him to lay quietly as he made his way to Zane. He finally felt something reminiscent of calm now that Jay was undisturbed, too.

Jay’s worst hallucinations weren't something anyone wanted to deal with alone. As much as Jay himself would feel powerless in those instances, whoever else was witness felt their own type of powerless. Those hallucinations, when combined with such strong delusions, were terrifying and they never wouldn't be.

Kai hoped they'd never happen again. Both for his own sake and for Jay’s.

With a deep breath, he pulled Zane’s focus away from the task in front of him. He let Zane know that Jay had fallen asleep then said, “I’m gonna go look for Cole and Master Wu. The sun’s gonna go down soon, and we really should try to have everyone back at camp by nightfall.” 

Plus, he really just wanted a moment to himself.

Kai hated feeling useless, but it was all he could seem to do in this realm.

He hadn’t been able to find Cole and Wu even though it was well past sunset when he himself arrived back at camp. For now, he could only hope that the two were okay. Cole was more than capable of defending himself, but in such unknown territory, who knew what predators might come out at night.

Zane was still fiddling tirelessly with the radio when Kai got back. Perhaps getting the thing to work really was a hopeless task. If it wasn’t fixed by morning, he’d talk with Zane about finding some alternative that would get them to safety faster.

Holding his torch out as he looked over his shoulder, Kai saw Jay holding a plank of wood that had broken off their damaged ship. Jay handled it oddly while sitting with his legs crossed at the ankles. The dark of night almost made it look like he was using a handheld console. 

Kai made his way over and asked with nervous anticipation, “So… whatcha doin’, Jay?” 

Jay spoke quickly, his tone curt. He sounded far different from their last interaction. “It’s my new video game console. I built it myself.” It was as if Jay was too focused on a fight sequence to handle distractions right now. 

God, before being thrown into the first realm, Kai hadn’t realized how much he liked his brother’s typical squeaky and high-pitched voice. If Jay being in this state was the only time his voice had this more mature quality to it, Kai would be happy to never hear it again.

He hadn’t forgotten about Jay’s mental state while away from camp, but seeing him again made the surrealness of it all fade once more. It wouldn’t be lying to say Kai had hoped that Jay would snap himself out of psychosis by the time he arrived back at camp.

He looked to where Zane was, and suddenly, a strong static sound emitted from the radio they’d been working on. Kai’s face lit up for the first time since being stranded, and he ran straight to Zane’s side, pushing aside his thoughts about Jay. “Is it working?” He asked Zane eagerly.

“It’s working!”

Jay didn’t seem quite as excited when Kai shouted down the update from the deck of the ship. That wasn’t the best sign, but there was something more important to focus on right now. 

For a while, both him and Zane did their best to decipher the little they could hear from the transmission they’d intercepted, but the signal was weak and difficult to keep steady. 

It had taken a few more minutes for Jay to become interested. Perhaps he’d reached a stopping point in his “game,” but he came up behind Kai and eagerly asked if the message coming through was from Ninjago. This was the first time he’d seemed interested in going home. 

But the transmission they’d intercepted wasn’t from Ninjago, and dread took hold of Kai when Zane explained, “A mark is another way of saying target, and a waylay is an ambush.”

“They’re talking about us! We gotta get out of here!” He shouted to Zane and Jay. He looked around himself in a haste trying to catch sight of any of their attackers, but the dark fog of night did everything in its power to obscure his vision.

Without a plan, Kai abandoned the torch he’d been holding and started to sprint, but before they’d really even started fleeing, a dagger was thrown dangerously close to Jay’s head, just barely missing its mark. Given it was only the start of the attack, it was obvious they were surrounded.

“Run!” Kai yelled as he heard shuffling in the dark.

He spared a glance behind him to see Jay thankfully following him and Zane. He almost thought that the knife flying at Jay’s head had been enough to jolt him back to reality, but Kai’s heart skipped a beat when he saw Jay backpedal for the plank of wood he’d dropped when startled.

As much as he wanted to grab Jay by the wrist and yank him along, Kai couldn’t. They were the hunted, and in that moment, it was too dangerous to do anything but move forward. Everyone had to keep moving. 

“Where are they?” Kai panted as he ran.

“I do not have a visual, but- Ah!” A shout cut off Zane’s words, and with a glance to his side, Kai realized it was just him and Jay running. Zane was gone. 

Moments later, he saw Jay get lassoed at the ankle and pulled away by a chain.

And before he realized what happened, he was next.

“Get your mitts off me!” Kai shouted at the person pushing him forward.

He knew Zane and Jay were at his sides. He could hear Jay’s babbling and they were all practically shoulder to shoulder. However, it wasn’t much consolation since he was blindfolded, cuffed with vengestone, and forcefully ushered to who knew where.

Kai yanked his shoulder away from the hands of the stranger behind him, but he was shoved to his knees as Jay and Zane followed suit.

The blindfold was removed from his eyes without warning, and he blinked at the light as a gravelly voice he hadn’t heard yet spoke to them.

“Lost are we?”

Kai looked around as the three were shoved down even further until they were practically lying on their stomachs. They were surrounded by a crowd of people, none of them looking friendly and most of them bearing scars. The man who’d spoken had a malicious and eager smile to accompany the scars on his face and his two prosthetic limbs.

As the people who pulled off the ambush explained things to their leader, Kai tried to maintain a level head.

“They were building a fortification,” one of them said in a thick, indiscernible accent.

Jay cut the man off with a laugh, “That’s pretty generous. More like a rickety shack. But after losing everything, who am I to complain?”

How the hell was Kai supposed to stay calm when Jay was pulling stunts like that? Kai couldn’t even fault his brother as a pit of despair settled in his chest. Despair that only worsened when a foot harshly met Jay’s back to pin him to the ground even harder. 

“Did I say you could speak?”

Jay gave no answer. Kai saw him grimace at the pain for a moment before turning his head away, shielding the man from his vision with his hand. It seemed almost childish.

Kai couldn’t tell what thoughts were going through Jay’s head as he used the hand visor to hide himself. Jay looked subdued enough, but he had a blank expression that was entirely unreadable. He seemed to be thinking about something , but Kai had no idea what.

The leader of their captors circled them menacingly. With his walking staff mere inches away from Kai’s face, he asked, “Are there more of your kind?”

“No!” Zane hastily answered for them. “We are alone.”

An underling held up a diaper that must have been scavenged from their ship. “Then tell us, who do these diapers belong to?”

The accusation made Kai’s breath catch in his throat, but he managed a bluff in the moment and explained, “Uh, those are Jay’s! Tell ‘em, Jay.” Through sheer hope and luck, Jay thankfully piggybacked off Kai’s story. Then the room descended into laughter. 

Kai and Zane stayed deathly silent as the leader of their captors accused them of lying, monologuing about how deceiving was simply part of their nature. His words didn’t quite make sense until he exclaimed to the room, “Throw the oni into the pit!”

They were forced to stand with a yank on their cuffs’ chain.

“Wait! You’re making a mistake!” Kai yelled as they were dragged out of the room.

“We are not oni!” Zane added from behind him.

Nobody listened to them as they were yanked again, harder this time. And as they were dragged away from the building they’d been in, a number of people in the surrounding village stared at them with narrowed eyes or intrigue. It didn’t take very long for them to come to the conclusion that this community had built their entire culture on the exploitation of dragons for their elemental powers, and Kai wondered what fate would have befallen them had their own powers been discovered. The vengestone had originally made him think their captors already knew.

Kai asked in a hushed voice, “So what do they mean by Slab and the Pit?”

Jay rolled his eyes at Kai while turning around. There was still a spring to his step as he walked. “Duh. It's most likely an arena. A brutal tradition but exciting nonetheless!” A chuckle escaped him. “I for one can't wait!”

“This isn't good, Jay. It's bad,” Kai said harshly, “and it's only gonna get worse.”

“Aw, lighten up. We're in an exotic realm, discovering new cultures, meeting interesting people.”

“People who wanna kill us, Jay!”

Kai could tell that he was getting snippy. It was hard not to when they were likely about to be thrown into an arena to fight without their powers. Not to mention, if they had to fight with the cuffs, there was no chance of getting out unscathed. Especially not while trying to protect Jay from whatever enemy they were about to face. No matter how cohesive the three were normally, Jay was just too much of a wildcard right now to predict his next move. 

Kai wasn't mad at Jay, but he was beyond frustrated that they could never seem to catch a break. 

The three were brought to a subterranean building, and their creepy escort shoved them into a cell. Their cuffs had been removed, thankfully, and there was sunlight filtering in from the gaps of a wooden door far above them. 

“May the Pit swallow you whole,” Kai heard the man say darkly after he locked the door. 

A moment passed, then Jay wandered around the small cell, gesturing grandiosely as he spoke. “Out of the frying pan and into the fire.” He came closer to Kai and placed a hand on his shoulder.  “Can this get any better?”

Kai yanked his arm away and took a step closer towards Zane as his resilience wore thin. “Can you get any more nuts?” He retorted with a scowl.

He knew he shouldn't snap at Jay like that, but he couldn't stop himself. 

The sound of a cowbell ringing let everyone know someone else had entered the room. The twitchy man introduced himself as Chew Toy with a prideful and eager smile, then he made a movement that caused the floor underneath them to begin to rise up. The door above them opened in sync with the rising platform floor, and as Kai was raised upward, the stadium they'd be trying to survive in came into view.

“Now that,” Chew Toy said, “that's the Pit, and I’m sure Slab’s hungry.”

The crowd chanted wildly around them. There was so much to look at, both for the spectators and gladiators.  

Scanning the arena, Kai saw nothing that might be useful as a weapon was within reach. He only saw Jay with a wild grin, relishing in the attention they'd garnered as Slab’s next meal.

As anxiety built in Kai’s chest, the ringing of the Chew Toy’s cowbell only became more animated, and Kai insisted once more that they weren't oni. “Is everyone in this realm crazy?” He asked in exasperation while glaring at the man.

Eventually, the sound of the cowbell came to a stop, and Chew Toy came way too close for comfort. He gave some admittedly helpful advice about the fighting in the stadium, but he looked all too happy about their imminent demise. Then as he walked away, a series of loud bangs sounded from a door behind them. 

Kai couldn’t see their opponent yet, still trapped behind the doors, but there was no question anymore. They’d be facing a dragon. A gasp escaped him, and in a wavering voice he said, “I'm gonna go with that's Slab.”

“And here I thought we were at rock bottom,” Jay said. “This is so much worse.” 

That sentiment coming from Jay did catch Kai off guard. Jay’s tone was still far too jovial — even going so far as to stutter through his last sentence with a despondent laugh — but it was the first sign Jay had given of actually recognizing the danger they were in. However, Kai didn’t let his own hopes get too high. Jay continued wandering around the arena with curious eyes.

Kai heard an instruction yelled to open Slab’s cage, and as it crawled out from the darkness it was shrouded in, Kai and Zane found themselves face-to-face with one of the largest dragons they’d ever seen. It was taller and broader than their elemental dragons, and it had a viciousness about it that did not bode well for their fate. The jolt that ran through Kai’s body took his breath away when Slab lunged at Chew Toy, shaking him around by the scruff of his neck before discarding the man far into the stadium crowds. At least, the man’s name made sense now.

“Still don’t want to use our powers?” Kai said to Zane.

He was quickly shot down, but Zane sounded more confident in their ability to tame the dragon than Kai felt. He hoped desperately that Zane was right and told himself to keep a level head, as well.

That felt nearly impossible when Jay bolted in front of them towards the dragon in order to pick up the discarded cowbell that Chew Toy had dropped while being flung around. Even worse, Jay started shaking the bell in Slab’s face, as if trying to draw its attention.

“What are you doing ?” Kai shouted at him while taking a couple subconscious steps forward. They had to stop him.

Jay turned on his heel to face Kai, but he never stopped shaking the bell. He even continued walking towards the behemoth of a dragon. “If I'm going out, I'm going out with bells on,” he explained with a smile.

The crowd around them cheered at Jay’s extravagant performance while Zane and Kai could only stare in horror. They didn’t get to do that for long, however, because the dragon quickly became fed up with the sound of the cowbell and began its onslaught of attacks. Kai yelped as the first one flew towards him, and Zane had to somersault out of the way. 

Quickly, the fight turned into a game of cat and mouse with Jay ringing his bell by his brothers’ sides as they ran. Kai desperately wanted to yank the thing out of Jay’s hand, but if any of them stopped for a second, they would become food. Instead, he begged for any weapon the crowd had to offer as they ran, but anything that was thrown down to them was useless as a weapon at best or another obstacle in their path at worst.

He looked at Zane and Jay as he panted, “Guys, how do we get out of here alive?”

Jay laughed. “The sooner you realize we can't, the more fun it'll be.”

The three ran in hasty unison, only splitting up when it was necessary to dodge the dragon’s rapid attacks. The earthen spikes it created made staying together a difficult task.

Realizing they couldn’t keep up their evasive maneuvers for long, Zane said to Kai, “We need to find a way to subdue it.” He sounded much calmer than Kai felt, but his calm demeanor did nothing to help Kai come up with a means of counterattack.

The group was split up once again as Slab forced Jay and Zane to take cover behind a large, nearby rock. That made the dragon focus all its attacks on Kai. 

For a second, Kai thought he was about to be a goner as he found himself cornered. Taking the advice Chew Toy had given them before the start of the match, Kai played dead and pleaded in a strained whisper for anyone to help him. 

He heard Jay ringing the cowbell behind him, and Kai didn’t think he could feel so relieved to know Jay was making himself the target. As long as Kai could get back off the ground, this might still be salvageable.

As he rushed to his feet, Kai heard the clattering of a large chain, and as his gaze followed it up to the piece of equipment it fell from, a smile flashed across his face. He saw that Cole and Master Wu had been the ones to drop the chain for them. And although the two were making their retreat, there was finally a real chance for everyone to get out of this mess. 

“Time to get creative!” Zane exclaimed as he and Kai each took an end of the chain.

While Jay kept the dragon’s attention, Zane and Kai were able to entangle the beast and shackle it to the ground. In less than a minute, Kai went from moments away to becoming dragon fodder to feeling triumphant in their survival. 

They had won!

Jay cheered in front of the dragon alongside the crowd of spectators. He danced as the cowbell sang, and for the first time, it felt appropriate.

At least, it did until the dragon gave an unexpected grunt, still having some fight left in it. When Kai noticed bits of dust coming out of the elemental dragon’s mouth, time seemingly froze, and he knew the fight wasn’t over just yet. 

He pointed to the dragon and called out, “Jay!”

Without hesitation, though, completely going against what Kai could have planned for, Zane abandoned his end of the chain. He ran in front of Jay to defend him and used his elemental powers to freeze the dragon before it could unleash what would have been a deadly, point-blank attack. 

A hush fell over the stadium as the team faced a new problem.

“Oni don't have Elemental Powers,” the hunters’ leader called from his throne. “They are Masters of Elements! Hunt them down! A week's rations for the Hunter who brings them to me in chains.”

Kai got in another fighting stance as they were encircled once again, and he spoke without looking at his teammates. “Who’s ready for round two?”

At his side, Zane said in a calculating voice, “There are fifteen of them.”

“You with us, Jay?” Kai asked with a glance over his shoulder. His hopes were low.

“We're totally outnumbered,” Jay said. “They have weapons and we don't–” 

Kai looked back again with a raised brow. Jay’s cadence was different than it had been throughout the rest of the fight. Even as he continued talking.

“I haven't eaten all day, not to mention showered in a week.” 

Jay was rambling. And Kai could hear how his voice was pitched up. 

“Do you see there are kids in this audience? This level of violence is far too much for them to handle, let alone me!”

Kai had accidentally fallen out of his fighting stance due to the thought on the tip of his tongue. 

When Zane confirmed what Kai had been thinking by confidently stating, “He’s back to normal,” Kai smirked alongside his brothers and readied himself to fight once again. Finally, they were back in business. 

“Good. Now that our secret's out, let's lay down some heat!”

Unfortunately, thanks to the combination of being outnumbered and a sword that seemingly drew their elemental attacks away from the target, it didn’t take long for a particularly skilled hunter to wrangle them in vengestone. Leaving them essentially back at square one. 

“Power attracts power.” That’s what the head hunter had said.

Nobody knew exactly what was next, but the hunters wanted to use Kai, Zane, and Jay as the catalyst for a dragon hunt. That was all they’d been told. 

The three hadn’t gotten a chance to reconvene with Cole and Master Wu yet. However, Kai did catch sight of them driving one of the hunters’ vehicles. At least, the team wasn’t getting separated again. That must mean Cole had successfully taken up an undercover role as part of the hunters. 

All anyone could do now was be patient until the opportunity to come up with a plan presented itself. There was little to do but wait. Especially, since the captors and their prisoners were now en route to the hunting camp.

Although Kai, Zane, and Jay were prisoners once again, they finally had some semblance of a break from imminent death. They were in no way safe, but they weren’t actively running for their lives anymore. They could actually sit down and try to recover some energy. None of them had gotten food or water in well over a day and a half, but they could manage for a bit longer. 

As the cylindrical cage they were trapped inside rattled thanks to the uneven terrain, the three did their best to get comfortable. Zane and Kai sat opposite each other against the flat ends of the cage, and Jay was heavily slumped against the cylinder’s curve, lying down as much as he could.

Jay looked rough. They all were tired, but Kai and Zane didn't overlook how Jay’s body seemed to be dead weight. He leaned heavily into the wall, and it seemed as if his limbs were weighing him down as his eyes were closed. He could have passed for being in a deep sleep if not for the fact that they'd sat down just minutes prior.  

Yes, Jay had seemingly managed to break out of psychosis at the tail end of the previous fight, but he still didn’t seem to be faring well. The group had to talk about what happened, and this might be their only chance.

“Jay?” Kai called out to him.

He answered with a tired hum, not moving or opening his eyes.

“We gotta talk about what happened back there. Are you alright?”

Jay took a moment, and his hands, which had been resting on his stomach, rose and fell in time with a deep breath. Kai noticed Zane’s eyes flicker as he conducted a quick body scan of their struggling partner. 

“I’m good,” Jay managed to mumble. “Just exhausted. Adrenaline's worn off.”

He still barely moved and didn't open his eyes. A rough patch of land jostled him, but he didn't seem too bothered. He very obviously wanted to be left to rest.

Kai looked to Zane for his input and got a nod in return. Thankfully, Zane took the role of initiative this time. 

“Kai’s right. We do not know when we’ll get another opportunity to talk like this without risk of being attacked. It wouldn't be wise to waste this chance.”

Again, there was a pause before Jay responded, but he eventually pushed himself into a seated position that wasn't as reliant on the cage for support. Instead, he sat criss-cross, leaning his elbows on his knees. He sent a glance to Zane then Kai, then he lowered his gaze once more. 

“I honestly don't remember a lot of what happened,” Jay said tiredly. “My memories of everything are super scattered and fuzzy.”

That made Kai’s brow quirk. “What do you remember then? You've been out of it for over a day. That's a pretty long time.”

“Gee, thanks,” Jay said while giving him a side eye, but there was no real anger behind it. “I don't really know. From when we used the traveler’s tea until we were in that arena, it's really hard to pick out anything. I remember us running from something in the fog, I’m pretty sure someone stepped on my back at some point, and um, I think I maybe remember playing with sand. Maybe? I barely even remember you guys being there.”

Kai looked to Zane asking, “Uh, it’s probably not a great sign that he can’t remember yesterday, right?”

Zane looked to Jay, and he explained, “For an episode of that caliber, it makes sense that you’ve experienced some memory loss. It’s obviously not ideal or something we want to happen again, but as far as I know, memory loss isn’t necessarily unexpected for what you experienced.”

“But what did I even experience? What happened?” Jay asked him. A shrug reached his shoulders as he went on to say, “And I don’t know about you two, but I’d actually like to keep my memories! I… I honestly don’t really even understand what’s going on now because I feel like I’m missing a bunch of context.”

When Jay admitted that, it made Kai and Zane feel a bit dense for not having considered the possibility of Jay being confused. Then with an apology, Zane told him, “You were experiencing an episode of psychosis. I don’t believe you’ve had any prior experiences with episodes of this intensity, but it has passed, and you are safe.”

Jay looked at his hands and seemed very troubled. Understandably so. He shifted to pull his knees close to him and he rubbed his eye with the palms of his hands. 

Without uncovering his eyes, he asked, “What don’t I remember? And what’s with Cole and Master Wu? Why aren’t they prisoners, too?”

Kai didn’t exactly feel eager to tell Jay about the things he had missed, but he wasn’t going to lie. “Cole and Master Wu went in search of food not too long after we crashed,” Kai started. “Zane and I were trying to fix the broken radio while they were gone. By nightfall, Cole and Master Wu still weren’t back at camp, but we were ambushed by these guys and taken prisoner. They thought we were oni, so they tried to feed us to the dragon from the arena for entertainment.”

Letting his hands down, Jay rested his head on his knees. “What did I do while you and Zane were working on the transceiver? And I still don’t really understand what happened in the arena. Good ol’ adrenaline is the only thing that kept me going there, I think.”

Kai wanted to answer Jay’s question, but his mouth opened and shut uselessly, realizing he didn’t know what to say. After a moment, he came to the conclusion that, no, he did want to be the person to explain. Zane might put it a bit too bluntly if the explanation was his. 

“You weren’t exactly in the best headspace to help with repairing the radio, Jay. You did try once, but you nearly zapped yourself on a live wire.” Kai explained uneasily. “I think you were having more hallucinations than you let on, but you were pretty happy keeping to yourself away from the ship.”

“My memory of playing with the sand. Did that actually happen?”

Kai nodded to him. “Yeah.”

At the other end of the cage, Zane hopped in to say, “And our fight in the arena was chaotic even with context. Once we halted the dragon, it tried to surprise attack you despite being restrained. When I was forced to use my elemental powers, our captors stopped believing we were oni, and I expect they now want to drain us of our powers like they do to the other elemental beings in this realm.”

Jay tilted his head on his knees to look out at the scenery they were driving by. “Thanks guys.” A moment of hesitation filled the air. “Kai?” He asked.

“Um, yeah?”

“Is there something you’re not telling me? About everything that happened yesterday. It kinda feels that way.”

The accusation made Kai freeze. Especially, since he’d been the one called out. Still, he pushed himself to be honest. With a sigh he admitted to Jay, “You’re right… You were just really out of it, man. There were things you did and said that made us scared for you, and at one point, you had a really bad hallucination that was hard to calm you down from.”

“What did I do to scare you?” 

“Well, there was one point, you thought one of the broken wood planks from the bounty was a game console. You even risked taking a dagger to the face to get it back when we were attacked. Then, in the Pit, you ended up running towards the dragon and taunting it with a cowbell that was lying around.”

Jay stared at him wide-eyed.

“And the hallucination that hit you hardest seemed to be auditory. I don’t know if it was just auditory, but you heard a voice threatening you and were convinced there was someone with us when it was only you, me, and Zane.” A sorrowful smile tugged at Kai’s lips. “I’m pretty sure that was the worst of it, but as a whole, seeing you so clearly not yourself… That was hard to watch.”

After Jay looked to Zane for confirmation, a weary chuckle escaped him. In an uncertain voice, he said, “The funny thing about this is — now that you mention it — I actually think I remember using the wood as a console. I wonder what else I did.” Jay curled in on himself tighter. “Ugh, I really am just insane.”

Kai’s brow furrowed slightly at seeing Jay so dejected. Zane wasted no time shuffling towards Jay to place a comforting hand on his back. However, moving to a different part of the cage had been awkward and difficult due to its shape and the fact that they were attached to a moving vehicle. Kai moved a little closer himself but didn’t touch Jay.

“You are not ‘just insane,’” Zane told him. “You had a psychotic episode. It was an intimidating and ill-timed experience for all of us, but you are still a strong member of this team and our brother. Next time, you can pick one of us up when we have fallen.”

Jay wasted no time trying to rebuke him. “Zane, you know-”

But Kai didn’t let him. “He’s right. I’d really rather not have a repeat of this either, but you’re part of this team, too. We’ll carry you today, so you can carry one of us tomorrow. Got that?”

Finally, Jay raised his head again and looked at Kai. They were all seated near the dip in their cage with Jay in the center. It was easy to see the despondence in Jay’s glossy eyes.

With a silent nod, Jay placed his forehead back on his knees and did his best to suppress the wave of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. He wouldn't let himself cry. Not when the other ninja must have overworked themselves in order to compensate for Jay’s uselessness the past couple days. But he felt confused, scared, tired, and physically exhausted. Somehow things always managed to become worse than he could have imagined. 

At some point, Kai moved around and prompted Jay to uncurl and lay down in the dip of the cage. He told Jay to use his lap as a pillow. They still didn’t seem to be anywhere near their destination, and it had been obvious even before this conversation that Jay was exhausted. Without a proper headrest, there’d be no way in hell Jay would get any quality sleep.

Kai himself was overtired, but he would find a way to manage a nap despite the circumstances. Admittedly, he did feel a bit jealous of Zane at the moment for not needing sleep, but if he could stay awake and alert, all the better. 

They all just really needed a chance to recover before being thrown to whatever obstacle was next in their path.

And they had to hope that Cole could devise a solid enough plan to get them out of there.

The resistance never quits! The resistance never quits! The resistance never quits!

After the hunters’ failed attempt at using the three ninja as dragon bait the night before, Jay blearily awoke to a staticky radio-frequency voice reaching his ears. Still, he could clearly pick out that it was Lloyd, and his heart caught in his chest as he hastily stood to move closer to the sound. The cage rattled as he tried to keep balance and not trip over Kai or Zane, but he ran to the grate facing the driver’s seat.

That was Lloyd’s voice! He was okay! This was exactly the win they needed given Cole’s failed attempt at freeing and escaping with the ninja.

When one of the hunters caught sight of Jay looking in, a smile grew on his face. “Hey, wakey, wakey, ninja! Welcome back to the Dead's End.”

Jay wasn’t exactly sure where that was since he was still piecing together all the information he’d missed out on due to his memory loss, but right now, that didn’t matter. “Guys,” He said eagerly as Kai and Zane started to rouse. “Guys, I heard Lloyd! ‘The Resistance never quits.’”

“Looks like we lost Jay again,” Kai said with a skeptic frown.

“No, no, no. I'm not crazy,” Jay insisted. He’d even heard the driver guy comment on the broadcast while thwacking his radio. This was real. “I really heard him. On the radio!”

Kai still seemed a bit unsure, but even in the midst of a potential hallucination, Zane had always been one to believe the things Jay perceived until proven otherwise. Jay was relieved to hear Zane say, “If that's true, let's hope Cole can get us out of here.” It brought a smile to his face, and the sentiment seemed to have Kai reassessing his skepticism too.

Finally, luck came their way when, a couple minutes later, Cole and Wu walked up to the guards in front of their cage, with whom they'd managed to swap stations. For the first time since being separated, the five ninja finally had time to catch each other up to speed. 

“Tell me you have a plan,” Kai begged Cole in a whine.

“Well, um, it’s in the early stages.”

And Wu confirmed their fears, stating, “He doesn’t have a plan.”

The group brainstormed for a few minutes, dreading that Cole was right when he said breaking them out would be nearly impossible with how many hunters were constantly milling about. But eventually, Zane mentioned the mother of all dragons, Firstbourne, and an idea popped into Jay’s head. One that was a bit far fetched — one that just might be impossible — but it also just might be what could break them out of captivity. And the thought reminded Jay of the words Master Wu once said to him when he’d been faced with the idea of an impossible-to-complete invention in the past.

Under his breath, Jay muttered, “We're only confined by the walls we build ourselves. Build the impossible.” It was a sentiment that had gotten Jay through multiple of his most ambitious projects, and he knew it would be relevant again now.

Young Wu chuckled and said, “Yup, sounds crazy.”

The insult harshly drew Jay back to the conversation. “Those were your words!” He berated Wu with a frown, and honestly, Jay didn’t appreciate the jab at his sanity. Especially so soon after Kai had questioned him about hearing Lloyd on the radio.

“What are you getting at?” Kai asked.

“If we can't wait for the mother of all dragons, we can build it.” Then as he went to explain himself, he was cut off by a groan from Kai.

“Now I know you've lost it.”

And that was Jay’s breaking point as he looked to Kai with a glare. “Can we not do this?” He snapped in irritation. “Sure, I don’t have all the context for yesterday, but I’m coherent now, so let’s try to act like I can add something to the conversation without making a jab at me. Got that? Zane can do it, so why can’t you?“

The short outburst threw off the discussion and took Kai, Cole, and Wu by surprise. 

Kai’s gaze flickered off of Jay for a moment in embarrassment, and he admitted, “Sorry, man. I guess I’m still on edge and worried that we could have a repeat of yesterday, but you’re right. I’m being shitty, and I shouldn’t say those things in the first place.” He paused for a moment, and asked, “What do you mean we can build the mother of all dragons? And how would that help us?”

Before Jay could answer though, Cole hijacked the conversation, “Wait a minute. What happened yesterday while me and the Little Master were gone? Did things get worse after we left?”

Jay grumbled and shook his head as he held onto the wire fence of their cage. “No time for context, but I went a little crazy and was dealing with some pretty intense psychosis. I don’t remember much, but we can talk about this later when we aren’t a thousand leagues deep into hunter territory. Capiche?”

Cole gave a hesitant nod, and so did Wu at his side. “Alright, but I want the details later. Now, tell us about this genius plan of yours.”

With a nod, Jay smiled and said, “Okay, here’s what I got.”

And now that everyone was all on the same page again, surely it wouldn’t be long before they’d be free. Then, after that, it would only be a matter of time before they’d find a way back to Ninjago. A way back home. And a way back to Lloyd, Nya, and everyone else. 

They’d made it through everything they’d encountered up to this point. 

Now, all they needed was faith.

Chapter Text

Nobody quite knew how to handle Nya becoming one with the sea. She wasn't exactly dead, but nobody had seen or heard from her in months. Not to mention, the vigil that had been held in her honor felt reminiscent of a funeral. Nya was certainly alive somewhere in the world, but everyone knew it was likely they’d never see her again.

Initially, the guys tried to stick together and uplift each other through their grief, but as weeks turned to months, there was a certain fracture that formed between them which had never quite mended. This was especially true when people started moving out of the monastery. 

Kai had been the first to leave. At first, he'd only been teaching one or two classes a week at a dojo downtown, but he picked up more lessons as time went on and spent more time away from home. One day, he decided it would be best for him to get an apartment in the city, and there was little that anyone could say to convince him otherwise. Especially not when teaching the kids actually seemed to help him manage the emotional rut he’d been stuck in.

Soon after, Lloyd followed in Kai's footsteps. After taking up a part-time job, it wasn't long before Lloyd saw the benefits of getting away from the monastery which only reminded him of the people he’d lost. Jay had begged him not to leave, but he eventually let Lloyd go without a fight because he knew it was only due to his own selfishness that he wanted Lloyd to stay. But his little brother was grown up, and it wouldn't be fair to stop him when he’d finally found stability and independence in a way he never had before. Even if it was brought about by grief.

Zane stayed at the monastery, and he said he had no plans to leave. Cole and Jay were thankful for that, but he'd been distant ever since Nya’s sacrifice. When Jay eventually asked him about it, Zane explained that he had switched off his emotion meter. It apparently increased productivity. 

Jay wasn’t sure that was why he did it. 

Yet he couldn’t fault Zane for his decision when the sentiment was all too easy for him to empathize with.

“Can I ask you something, Zane?” Jay said to him not very long after that conversation. It was intimidating to know that Zane wouldn’t try to spare his feelings while his emotion meter was turned off, but that's part of why Jay wanted to broach the topic in the first place. He'd been putting off talking to Cole about it.

“Of course. What do you want to know?” 

A blank stare reached Jay as he sat on the work counter in the mech room, and it made him hesitate on his question. “Do you think I should leave the monastery, too? I know you and Cole want to stay … but I think I need to get out of here.” 

Although Jay kept his eyes averted, he felt Zane's dissonant, calculating gaze pierce right through his body. He tried to focus on the glass of water in his hands as he listened to the response.

“I think it depends on where you would move to after leaving the monastery. Based on your mental state lately, I would not advise isolating yourself more.”

“I’m not isolating myself,” Jay said assuredly. Nya had been his constant conversation partner as of late, and he was okay with that.

“That is not true, and your emotions seem to have impaired your judgment about that fact.” The accusation made Jay cringe, but Zane continued. “I presume you mean you would move into the city like Lloyd and Kai have?”

“Well, not exactly.”

“Then where to?” Zane asked.

His question made Jay pause as he looked at how the water in the glass distorted the image of his fingers. “I’m thinking of moving into Doctor Julien’s old lighthouse,” he admitted.

“That certainly classifies as self-isolation, and I would strongly advise against it. There is no logical reason for you to relocate somewhere as removed as the lighthouse.”

“But hear me out, Zane-” 

However, any explanation died on the tip of Jay’s tongue as he went to speak. He knew it sounded bad. He just… really wanted to hear Zane agree with him.

He took a deep breath, hoping to gather his thoughts. “Kai and Lloyd seem to be better off outside of the monastery, and I think maybe that's the right call for me, too. But I’m no teacher like Kai or a good worker like Lloyd. Being in the city would just make me anxious. But the lighthouse could give me a place to clear my head.” Being surrounded by the sea would also bring him closer to Nya, but he knew that reasoning would be too emotionally charged for Zane to sympathize with right now.

“A lighthouse is not an easy place to live, Jay. Things like food, heating, and plumbing all require diligent work to acquire and maintain in such a place. In addition, prolonged isolation — especially in the presence of grief — can cause intense hallucinations in even the most commonplace individuals. Given your history with psychosis, the lighthouse could be a dangerous place for you to live. There is no reason for you to stay there.”

Zane’s candor was what Jay had originally been hoping for with this conversation, but hearing his idea shot down so thoroughly was hard to hear. Much more so than anticipated. He just had been hoping Zane would see his way. Instead, a certain tightness began to tug at Jay's chest.

He asked, “So you think moving into the city is the only option? That sounds really terrible honestly.” The lighthouse was the only place Jay wanted to be, and simple visits no longer felt like they were enough. 

Still, Zane's voice stayed monotone as he spoke. “I did not say that. There are plenty of places to live outside the city. You could also move back in with your parents like you did before I was rescued from Chen’s island.”

“I… don't think living with Ma and Pa is the right call this time,” Jay said. Living in the desert was the last thing Jay wanted; he needed to be close to Nya. He sheepishly admitted, “I don't think living at the lighthouse would be that dangerous. I think I could do it.”

“I have already explained there are substantial risks that come with living at the lighthouse. Especially for you, a mix of grief, hallucinations, and isolation could potentially be life-threatening. Outside help would be difficult to attain should you need it, and even if you can survive there, it is not a place you can thrive. You are not thinking clearly, Jay. There are better places in Ninjago to live if you would like to leave the monastery.”

Frustration left Jay feeling choked. He knew Zane was saying nothing but facts, but it felt entirely wrong to hear. Some gut feeling within Jay assured him that it was possible to live at the lighthouse. He’d be with Nya! Not to mention, he’d camped there for over a week in the alternate timeline. He could fish for food and provide his own electricity and he could stay warm enough somehow. Plus, he’d dealt with hallucinations long enough that maybe he'd even have an advantage compared to the average person since he could better deal with them.

But Jay looked again into Zane's thousand-yard stare, and he knew he wouldn't be able to sway Zane's views on any of this. 

With a heavy sigh, Jay looked at the glass in his hands again, and he told Zane in a disheartened voice, “Maybe you're right. Maybe there are better places in Ninjago. I guess I should just stay at the monastery for now.”

“That would be the best course of action until you can find alternative accommodations that are safer than Dr. Julien’s lighthouse.”

Jay fell silent and his eyes stayed downcast. He’d had enough of Zane keeping his emotion meter off. Right now, he just wanted his brother back. Quirks and all. But he couldn’t ask that of Zane when he understood all too well why it had been turned off in the first place.

Zane asked, “Is there anything else you’d like to inquire about?”

And it almost pained Jay to say no as he made his way out of the mech room with the remnants of Nya in his hand.

Cole knew something had been wrong with Jay. With everyone really. Cole was the person on the team who had the most experience with loss, and although he also had his less-than-healthy coping mechanisms, he liked to think he was handling Nya’s sacrifice better than those around him. Though admittedly, he was impressed with Kai for trying to direct his grief towards something as beneficial as teaching. 

He was certainly a bit worried about Lloyd, who was living on his own as a civilian for the first time ever. He also felt concern for Zane, who seemed to go through the days in a dissociative autopilot. But for the moment, Jay was the person who garnered most of his worry.

Cole had felt a sense of foreboding about Jay in recent weeks, and it made him anxious to think that disaster would strike and he’d be unable to stop it. 

Jay had become exceedingly reclusive and secretive over the past month, and it only got worse as time passed. When Jay thought nobody was looking, Cole would catch sight of his often disheveled appearance as he spoke to himself in hushed whispers. And though Jay tried to play it off, Cole could tell that he was having a harder time identifying hallucinations. He spent so much time in his room, and when anyone tried to visit him, he wasted little time in trying to shoo them away as quickly as possible.

Cole felt like Jay was a ticking time bomb, and he didn’t know what to do about it. He didn’t know how this would end, and he was frankly quite terrified to find out.

“I’m moving out.”

The day Jay said that, he looked more resolute and functional than Cole had seen him in weeks. An icy feeling clawed at Cole’s chest as the two stood in the hall. He felt like this was the culmination of the change in demeanor Jay had exhibited over the past month. This was the result of the foreboding feeling Cole had been holding onto.

“Jay, buddy, I think you need to reconsider this. I mean, this is pretty sudden. Shouldn’t you think on it some more?”

“I’ve been thinking about it for a month and a half,” Jay said impassively. He seemed to carry that glass of water everywhere.

Cole tried to consider that Jay had apparently been planning this for a while, but it didn’t sit right with him that the time frame for these thoughts lined up almost perfectly with the uptick in Jay’s alarming habits. “A month and a half? Why didn’t you say anything? Are you planning to move back in with your parents?”

But Jay only answered the final question. His eyes drifted off Cole as he explained, “No. I’m... planning to move into the city. Dareth knows a place.” 

Still, something within Cole shouted at him that moving out would be a mistake. The dread in his chest insisted that Jay was making a wrong choice. Cole took note of the way Jay’s hair frizzed slightly in the presence of his element and of the quiet taps Jay made with his finger against the glass in his hand. Jay was trying to stay composed even though his eyes flickered to something Cole couldn’t place. 

“Where in the city?” Cole pressed. He needed to get more information from Jay. Anything that could suggest that maybe this wasn’t a terrible decision.

“I promise I’ll tell you eventually, but right now, I really just need a place that’s mine and mine alone. Someplace only I know.” He gave Cole a smile, hoping to provide some sense of reassurance, but the effort fell short. Jay said, “I'll be going somewhere fully furnished, so I really only need to grab some essentials before heading out, but tonight’s gonna be my last night in the monastery. I didn’t wanna just leave without letting you know.”

“Then why didn’t you say anything earlier? Jay, I’m worried about you. I don’t think this is a good idea.” 

Jay hesitated to admit, “I didn’t know how you’d react, but I was pretty sure you wouldn’t like this plan. Heh, Zane didn’t either, but he’s known that I’ve been thinking about this. I guess, I just didn’t want to worry you before I had to.”

“Does Zane know where you’ll be staying?”

“Not really,” he said with a shrug, “but I’ll be alright. I see that silly furrow in your brow that says you’re worried, but don’t be. Kai and Lloyd managed to get back on their feet after leaving. I got this. And it’s not like I’ll be completely alone.”

“So you’re staying with someone? Who?” Cole asked.

“Someone you know.”

“Is it Dareth? You said he’s the one that knew a place.”

“Not Dareth, but I can’t tell you who.”

The tight, icy feeling in Cole’s chest didn’t fade as their conversation continued. He didn’t trust the way Jay couldn’t keep eye contact, and every non-answer gave Cole another reason to not let his best friend — his brother — leave. 

Cole took a step closer and held onto Jay’s shoulders with a solid grasp, wishing Jay would look him in the eyes for more than a second. He said, “I really don’t like this. You’re being too secretive. Something’s wrong. Come on, talk to me. What’s really happening?”

“I told you. I’ll be fine. I finally have a chance for things to get better. So just… Please. Trust me on this one. As my best friend.” A pause filled the air. “Do you wanna help me pack before I leave? I’ll let you mother hen me one last time before I'm gone. Sound like a deal?”

To Cole, it didn’t sound like a good deal at all. Warning sirens still sounded in his body, and even if Jay seemed to believe his own words, Cole most certainly did not. As much as he wanted to be able to trust Jay, he couldn’t. Not when both his gut and reason told him this was reckless. It almost felt like trusting Jay now would be proof that he wasn’t a good brother. Even if Jay wouldn’t agree. 

Cole did his best to push down the panic inside of him. He needed more time to make sense of this, but he obviously wasn't going to get it. Letting go of Jay’s shoulders, he forced as level a tone as he could manage to say, “I'll help you pack a bag in a couple minutes. Just give me a bit to go to the bathroom. I'll meet you in your room?”

Jay agreed and they parted ways.

Once Cole could no longer see Jay, he allowed the full force of his anxieties to take reign. He needed to find Zane. He sprinted throughout the monastery and searched all the most likely places the other would be. Then when he found Zane, who hadn’t even been startled by the door slamming open, he started the interrogation.

“Did Jay mention anything about moving out of the monastery to you?” He asked quickly.

“Jay had mentioned a desire to move out early last month, but we haven’t spoken of it since.” Zane took note of Cole’s high distress levels, and he set down the tool he’d been holding. “Has something happened?”

“Did you know he’s planning to move out of the monastery tonight?”

Zane’s voice maintained its monotone as he spoke. “That I was not aware of. When he and I last spoke about this, I advised him that he should not leave the monastery until he can find someplace safe to stay in the city. I was not aware he’d been searching for dwellings still.”

With a grumble, Cole explained, “Apparently, Dareth hooked him up with a place. I guess that means you wouldn’t happen to know where it might be?”

“I do not.”

“How are you not freaking out about this? Aren’t you worried about Jay moving out at all?” Cole pressed. It felt like he was the only one left from the team that was able to rationalize.

“I am a nindroid. I'm more than capable of maintaining a level head,” Zane explained uselessly. “And I stand by my earlier assessment that Jay would be better off at the monastery; however, if he has found a safe dwelling in Ninjago City, we have no right to deny him the same privilege we granted Kai and Lloyd.”

“But how do we know it’s actually safe?” 

“What leads you to believe his new accommodations wouldn’t be safe?”

“I… I don’t know. Call it a gut feeling.” After a moment, Cole gave a full-body groan and insisted, "Oh, come on, Zane! You’ve seen how he’s been lately. And with how suddenly all this is happening, doesn’t something feel off about it to you? He didn’t even give us notice to let us know he was gonna be leaving.”

“It is cause for concern, but we cannot force Jay to stay at the monastery if he does not want to.”

“So you’re okay with just letting him walk out? Not knowing at all where he’ll be.”

“No. I am highly against this myself… Allow me to talk to him. There are certain things I would like to say and ask of Jay myself before he leaves.” Zane shuffled through a box of miscellanea. “Should I not be able to learn his address or dissuade him from leaving, we are ninja; we have more than one way to track someone.” In his hand, Zane held a small GPS tracking device. It was a simple rectangular gadget, no bigger than the size of a paper clip.

He moved to hand Cole the tracker. “Since he has not already departed, hide this in one of the monastery belongings, then offer it to him as a keepsake for when he moves out. While you hide the tracker, I will talk to Jay and attempt to gather more information.”

Cole examined the tracker in his hand.

He didn’t know what to feel. 

With a sigh, Cole finally relented and said, “Alright then. I’ll deal with the tracker. See if you can get Jay to talk enough, so we don’t actually have to use it.”

“I will do my best.”

Zane wasn’t sure what to expect when he made his way to Jay’s room. 

His door was left slightly ajar, which was abnormal given that Jay rarely even unlocked the door in the past month.

Pushing his way inside, Zane saw Jay dressed in outdoor clothes as he placed a roughly folded piece of paper into his drawstring bag. He analyzed Jay’s movements and expressions closely. 

“Hello, Jay. May I come in?”

Jay hummed and looked over his shoulder. “Oh, yeah, sure. Good timing actually. There’s something I need to tell you.” He wandered to another part of the room to grab a janky locket that Zane knew had been gifted to him by his parents. He threw it in the bag. 

“I assume this has something to do with why you’re packing a bag?”

“Did Cole tell you?” Jay asked him. “Snitch.” He glanced around the room then grabbed Mr. Cuddlywomp, setting him directly next to the bag. Jay explained, “I’m moving out tonight.”

“Why have you waited so long to mention this?”

“I didn’t wanna worry anyone or cause tension,” Jay said while still distracted by trying to figure out what to pack. Zane stayed at his spot in the doorway, observing the many glasses of water scattered around Jay’s room. 

“You are fully aware that I cannot experience heightened emotions while my emotion meter is disengaged. Why did you not tell me?”

“Zane, let’s not do this. I’m just forgetful and clumsy. You know that.”

“Assuming you’ve merely failed to mention this, would you tell me the address of where you’ll be moving into?”

Jay groaned. “Like I told Cole, I don’t wanna share the address right now. I just wanna be in a place that only I know. I’ll tell you the address in a few months.”

“Jay, it is not a wise idea to move somewhere for which not even your emergency contacts have the address. It is not safe.”

Frustration finally started to make its way into Jay’s words as he shoved a shirt harshly into his drawstring. “What part of ‘I’ll be fine’ don’t you two get?” 

“It is hubris to think that. You are not thinking logically.”

“I don’t even know what hubris means. I’m fine. I am thinking logically. Now, leave me alone while I finish packing. Where’s Cole?”

Zane refused to answer Jay’s question as he continued speaking. “Hubris means excessive pride. Arrogance. Cole informed me that Dareth was the person to connect you to this new residence. If you do not want to share your new address, I am willing to ask him for it. Your safety is my priority.”

“Go ahead. Ask him. I don’t care.” Jay grabbed another seemingly useless item and jammed it into his bag. He refused to look up at Zane.

“So you do not want to tell me, but you have no issue with Dareth being the one to do so?” Zane clarified.

“Sure. Whatever. Just go away.”

Zane’s brow quirked, but he was unfazed by Jay’s irritation. “Have you even grabbed your toothbrush or your weapon?”

“Oh. No. I should get those real quick.” Jay hesitated as he shuffled around the messy room for his kusarigama. “Don’t think I’m not still peeved at you, but thanks.”

Seeing Jay prioritize personal items like his stuffed animal over essential items did nothing but reaffirm to Zane that Jay was not thinking clearly. 

A knock sounded directly behind Zane, and Cole was there asking to come in. He had a black hoodie draped over his arm, and he held it out to Jay. “Hey, bluebell. Sorry I took so long. I just thought that I wanted to give you something of mine before you leave. Ya know, as a reminder of your best friend and the monastery.”

Jay stood up from kneeling in front of his bag, and he accepted the hoodie from Cole. For a moment, he just looked at it with a blank expression, but then a smile graced his face as his eyes stayed locked on it.

“Thanks. Stealing hoodies is more fun when I don’t have permission, but I'm not gonna say no,” Jay said. 

Jay’s thumb rubbed over the fabric near where Cole had hidden the tracker, and for a second, Cole feared that he didn’t do a good enough job at it. He’d only shoved the small gadget into the string hole found near the hoodie’s neck, thinking that it’d be nearly impossible to get out once it was lodged inside. 

But Jay must have missed it as he placed the hoodie at the top of his bag before closing it up.

Cole said to him, “You’re really not gonna tell us where you’re moving to?”

“Soon. Okay?”

Cole looked to Zane, not quite sure what to say, and he only got an ambiguous nod in response. Looking back to Jay, he asked. “You’re almost done packing?”

“Yeah, I just gotta get my toothbrush and some water to go.”

“As well as your phone,” Zane interjected. 

“Right.”

The three of them gathered the last of the essentials that Jay needed, and neither Cole nor Zane failed to notice exactly how much Jay was struggling to stay on task and account for what was needed. They heard him talking to himself, and for a few minutes, Jay seemed completely distracted, not at all listening to his brothers’ voices.

Cole tried to remind himself that Jay had a tracker on him. They just needed to learn that where he was planning to stay would be safe.

With a final tight hug for both Zane and Cole, Jay reiterated, “I’ll miss you guys. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

“Just keep in touch. Alright?” Cole asked.

Jay gave a nod, and then with hopeful eyes, he set off.

Jay thought it was cute that Cole and Zane assumed that they could slip a tracker on him without being noticed. As soon as that hoodie was in his hands, he felt the buzz of electricity that powered the little bugger. 

He was glad he took the hoodie. It smelled just like Cole. And once he managed to force the tracker out of its hiding spot, he knew he only needed to plant it somewhere that wouldn’t draw suspicion. Admittedly though, Jay was having a hard time trying to keep his thoughts straight. Nya was waiting to reunite with him, and he felt eager about it. Yet he had to take this detour to plant the stupid tracker.

His heart beat fast in anticipation, and he focused on how the sloshing of the water in his thermos felt in his grasp. He focused on the humidity in the air. Nya had been able to draw water from the air before, right? Certainly, the humidity and sweat that clung to him was just another way Nya was reminding him that she was waiting at the lighthouse.

Forcing his brain to focus, Jay thought about what houses or apartments were near the pier. If he could place this infernal tracker in some building complex, he’d never have to worry about it again.

Nya giggled at him somewhere in the distance. 

“What’s so funny?” He asked.

“You are.”

“What do you mean?”

He didn’t get a proper response, but he heard her laugh again. He just wished he could see her… Soon enough, he’d be at the lighthouse, surrounded by her element. They both just had to be patient for slightly longer.

“Just wait for me, Nya. As soon as I find a place for this stupid GPS, I’m coming.”

“I am starting to believe we have reason for concern,” Zane said. He stood in front of one of the large display monitors in the former debriefing room. As he navigated between different menus and options, Cole watched from behind. “Although the tracker we planted on Jay indicates that he’s lodging in a skyrise near the boardwalk, motion indicators show he has not moved in two weeks.”

Cole felt the same, but he tried to play devil’s advocate for his own sanity’s sake. “Well, what if he just hasn’t worn the hoodie with the tracker out of the apartment yet? It’s been scorching hot the past few weeks, so it would make sense.”

“That may be so, but with how few clothes Jay took with him before leaving, I find it unlikely that he wouldn’t need to wear it at all. He said the place he’d be moving into would be fully furnished, but furnishing doesn’t account for clothing.” Zane turned away from the screen to address Cole. “I have speculated for a few days now, but I’m becoming increasingly convinced. I do not think Jay is living at the apartments indicated by the tracker.”

The admission made Cole’s brow furrow, and he urged Zane out of the way to search the computer files himself. “What do you mean? The tracker isn’t malfunctioning or anything. Why wouldn’t he be where the tracker says?”

“The tracker is not located inside of the building, firstly. I initially thought it was a precision issue with the tracker itself, but I think I was mistaken. In addition, Jay had no source of income when he left the monastery, yet the apartments indicated here are expensive due to their proximity to the seaside. I also do not believe Jay is staying in Ninjago City. Dareth confirmed that he did not provide Jay a place to stay, and two months ago, Jay expressed considerable discontent at the thought of living in the city. In fact, I think I know where he may be if not these apartments.”

“Where then?”

“Jay is at Dr. Julien’s lighthouse.”

There were honestly a bunch of reasons for the team to get back together, and Lloyd knew it despite not wanting to admit it. 

Living alone had definitely been helpful at first, but reality quickly set in that living alone could be, well, lonely. Ever since he was young, he’d lived with a bunch of other people, even at Darkley’s. So although the taste of independence and control had honestly been one of the best feelings in his life, the reality of his situation soon left Lloyd in a similar funk to how he’d been feeling before he left the monastery.

Not to mention the issue of Jay…  Also known as the reason that Kai, Zane, Cole, and himself were standing outside the entrance to Dr. Julien’s lighthouse.

Lloyd wished he knew what had happened. He wished that he had tried harder to be involved in his brothers’ lives these past few months. Because right now, all he knew was that Jay had apparently shown extremely concerning behavior in the months after Lloyd had left, and then a couple weeks ago, Jay up and left the monastery with no warning or explanation as to where he’d be. 

What had happened in that time? Had Lloyd's own departure from the monastery made things worse? 

Lloyd forced the questions from his mind as Cole knocked on the lighthouse door. 

Zane had warned everyone that he was not sure of the state they would find Jay in. He had explained the warnings he’d once given to Jay in the past about the lighthouse potentially worsening psychotic symptoms, and although Lloyd wanted to believe Jay was well, a very justified worry was at the forefront of his mind. 

The wooden door opened, and a gasp escaped everyone when they saw Jay. 

He looked haggard — in desperate need of a comb run through his hair, restful sleep, and honestly a shower. Not to mention, he’d let his facial hair grow out longer than Lloyd had ever seen it. The signature lightning pin on his pajamas also looked like it’d seen better days as Jay held a glass of water close in front of his chest. 

The sight of the glass didn’t give Lloyd and Kai the same feeling of unease that it did Cole.

Kai asked hesitantly, “Uh, what’s up with the beard, Jay?”

“Time ravages us all.”

That was the only greeting Jay gave as he turned around and headed back into the lighthouse. It took the four visitors a moment to realize that had apparently been their invitation to follow, and when Lloyd skipped a step to catch up with Jay, he took note of the gut feeling that Zane’s warning might have become reality. The summer heat shifted slightly colder once inside the stone building.

Nobody could hold off on questions as the group made their way up the many stairs.

“How long have you been staying here?” Lloyd asked him.

“Couple weeks,” Jay said simply. 

Lloyd saw Jay move the glass of water close to his ear for a moment, but he just quirked a brow and continued. He tried to make his voice sound more confident than he felt. “Well, aren’t you glad to see us? Everyone's here to visit!”

A hum was all Lloyd got in response, and it made his smile falter.

Then came Cole’s turn to pry. “Aren’t you wondering how we found you? I thought you might be mad when we showed up. How’d you even get here?”

“Mad?” Jay parroted stoically as he undid a latch on the door leading to the inner part of the lighthouse. “Not mad. But you’re here now.”

That wasn’t exactly an answer.

Varying levels of concern took hold of everyone as they made their way inside the living quarters. Multiple paintings of Nya were scattered around the room, having no way to be hung up, but that wasn’t what was worrying. Dozens of water glasses littered every surface of the apartment. In window sills, on side tables, on the ground. Seemingly every glass in the house had been repurposed to whatever this was. 

With confusion lacing Kai’s voice, he asked, “Hey, Jay? Why are there half-full water glasses everywhere?”

“They’re half-empty,” Jay corrected with a bite to his tone. He swirled the glass of water in his hand.

Cole couldn’t help but remember the few glasses that accumulated in Jay’s room back at the monastery by the time he moved out. The glasses he and Zane ended up having to take care of after the fact. He had to ask, “But why?”

“So I can talk to Nya.” Another wave of worry took hold of the group as Jay continued to speak, now becoming more animated as he showed them around to the glasses. “Nya became one with the ocean, remember? Which means she's connected to all water everywhere. Which means part of Nya is inside that water glass. And that one, and that one, and that one, and th⁠–”

Kai cut him off. “Okay, okay! We get it.”

Nobody else got a chance to speak before Jay hummed. He held the glass in front of him close. “Nya, the guys are here,” he said. A tense pause filled the air, and Lloyd couldn’t hide the guilt from showing on his face any longer. Jay spoke again, directly to the glass. “Oh, okay. I'll tell them.” Jay looked around to everyone with a smile and giddily told them, “Nya says hi!”

Jay turned to face the window again as Kai, Zane, Cole, and Lloyd huddled off to one side of the room.

“I think the cheese slid off Jay’s cracker,” Kai said with a heavy sigh. “Was he like this when he left the monastery?” He asked, looking between Zane and Cole.

“Do you really think we’d have let him leave in this bad a state?” Cole said, sounding a bit insulted. 

“Well, I don’t think he shoulda been allowed to just meander off in the first place.”

Zane tried to stop the bickering. “He was not left to ‘meander off,’ as you put it. As far as Cole and I were aware, Jay had safe accommodations within Ninjago city. It is not due to carelessness that we’ve found ourselves in this situation.”

“And aren’t you supposed to be the logical one? You should have known something was off,” Kai said with a grumble.

Cole narrowed his eyes. “Oh, yeah. Like you have room to talk. At least, Zane and I were still there to try and come up with a plan when it was needed.”

But Lloyd didn’t want to let this devolve into a fight. They already had a difficult situation on their hands and there was no need to add fuel to the flame by letting an argument spark up here and now. “Cut it out, guys! We are not playing the blame game now,” he said firmly. “Besides, all of us know by now that there really isn’t any blame to place. We were all just trying to cope, and psychosis isn’t something that any single one of us caused. Got it? So stop bickering, and let’s actually try to deal with this.”

The air between them stayed quiet before Kai broke it with another sigh. “You’re right. We’re done with the blame game. Zane, what was it you said in the first realm? ‘This is an ill-timed experience, but we’re still a strong team in spite of it.’ I don’t remember. Something like that.”

“It was something like that indeed,” Zane nodded. He glanced over towards Jay who nuzzled the glass in his hands. “I will attempt to reason with him,” Zane said to Lloyd before breaking away from the group. He called Jay’s name. “Nya merged with the sea. Those cups are filled with tap water. Thus they cannot be connected to Nya. Your grief is impairing your judgment, and you should return to the monastery.”

“No thanks,” Jay said, barely acknowledging him.

Even Kai had to cringe at how blunt Zane had been. “So much for reason…” Zane should know better than to expect such a cold, bold-faced approach to work. Especially, after all they’d been through in the first realm! He should–

Wait.

Kai watched as Cole and Lloyd moved towards Jay again, but he grabbed Zane’s wrist and pulled him aside. 

“You should know better than to take that approach with Jay when he’s like this. You were there in the first realm. You taught me how to deal with these situations, Zane. What’s up with you?” His gaze was sharp as he took in Zane’s seemingly muted features. He recalled all of the small changes he’d noted in his brother since they’d met up that afternoon.

“I fail to see what you mean, Kai?”

“Did you mess with your memory switch or your sensitivity gauge or something? Because you’re smart, but right now you’re acting pretty dumb.”

“I did not tamper with either of those. I quite like my memory.” Zane said, still very stoically. “However, I have had my emotion meter turned off since shortly after Nya’s merge with the sea.”

A groan escaped Kai. “Man, I get it, but this is not helping.” He looked between Zane and where the rest of his family stood. “Look, I can’t make you do anything. I get it. But if you wanna actually help Jay, maybe try to not hide from your humanity. Because right now, it’d be pretty damn helpful, I think.”

Kai placed a quick pat on Zane’s shoulder before going back to the main group. He was needed elsewhere. 

As he left Zane, Kai heard Cole explain, “The people of Ninjago need us. Somewhere out there, right now, a villain is plotting something with a ton of Vengestone, and we gotta stop him! What do you say? Don’t you wanna join the team again?”

Lloyd insisted, “Yeah, come on, Jay. A good mission is just what you need to get outta this funk.”

“ No thanks .”

A grimace passed over Kai’s expression. 

Jay’s voice wavered as he said, “I'm not going anywhere. Everybody else might have forgotten Nya, but not me.”

And Kai’s heart broke at that. He felt his own chest tighten, and his words were soft in understanding as he tried to remind Jay, “Nobody forgot her.”

“Yes, they did!” Jay yelled, but he quickly quieted down again. “It's only been a year since Nya disappeared, and it's like nobody cares anymore. They just… moved on with their lives, but Nya's still gone. And nobody even remembers!”

Lloyd’s eyes fell downcast. “Jay, we'll always remember.”

“Nya was my sister. I'd do anything for her.” Kai wanted his empathy to reach Jay. He really hoped it would. “But she's not here anymore.”

A tinny voice came from Kai’s side. “Please come with us.”

When Kai lifted his eyes to see Zane, some part of him felt relieved and proud as he saw the small smile Zane gave him. It was a smile that said ‘sorry,’ and it let Kai know that at least one of his brothers could be helped. So he returned the smile with the same compassion.

Jay sounded genuinely distraught when he spoke again. “I can’t. I’m sorry...” His hands clutched around the glass he held, and he stared at the small movements in the water like his life depended on it. 

Cole finally took the initiative to pull Jay in for a hug, and he took care not to knock the water between them. Jay shifted the glass to the side so he could better hug his best friend, but Cole could tell his attention was still divided. 

The room was silent as Cole melted into the hug with closed eyes, and he felt Jay bury himself in the crook of his neck. With a breath, Cole let his eyes slowly open again, and the sight from the window made him smile in awe. 

“Guys, you’ve gotta see this,” Cole said. He placed a couple pats on Jay’s back, prompting him to let go.

Everyone filed to the windows on the West side of the room, and in the sunset, the sight was stunning.

A bright smile shined on Kai’s face. “It's amazing!” He grabbed Jay’s shoulder to turn him towards the window, forcing his attention onto the new sight. Kai saw his expression immediately change, and Jay suddenly ran down the stairs to the shore. His right hand covered the top of his glass so none of the liquid would spill out.

All four of Jay’s brothers stood behind him as he knelt at the shoreline. Salty water and damp sand ruined Jay’s slippers, but he seemed unbothered as he reached for one of the lit lanterns that floated in the water. Each one with a message for Nya written by a Ninjago citizen on it. 

Zane came beside him and knelt down, too. “It’s beautiful, Jay. Is it not?”

Jay looked at him and nodded before releasing the lantern back into the water.

On Jay’s other side, Lloyd stepped on a large stone to reach for another lantern to hand to him. “All of these lanterns,” Lloyd started, “they were written by people who still miss Nya. Tonight, there was a ceremony held honoring everything she’s done for the people here, everything she was willing to sacrifice one year ago today.”

Kai grabbed a lantern of his own to read from a different part of the shore, and Cole stood by his side.

Jay released the lantern that had been handed to him, but before he could reach for another, Lloyd held his own hand out. “Nya wouldn't want us to quit,” he said with a smile. “If she saw us like this now, she'd kick all our butts and tell us to get back to work.”

He saw Jay’s gaze flicker between his eyes and his outstretched hand. Everyone around the two watched on hopefully, and Zane was still knelt at Jay’s side.

Nobody but Jay heard the familiar voice that chuckled, “Haha, Lloyd's right.”

But a weight lifted off everyone’s chest when Jay eventually took hold of Lloyd’s hand. Lloyd pulled him up from the sand, but Jay didn’t let go of the handhold right away. 

“So what do ya say, Jay? For Nya?”

Cole placed a hand on top of Lloyd and Jay’s. “For Nya.” He looked around for Kai and Zane to add their hands to the pile.

They were finally together again.

“For Nya!”

After they dispersed, Jay was more cooperative when the group made it to the top of the lighthouse again. He was still notably antsy about things that the other ninja struggled to predict, but they needed to tidy up the lighthouse and make sure Jay had any belongings before they headed back to the monastery.

Cole had taken the role of convincing Jay to change out of his now-dripping slippers and pajama pants. Zane was placing Jay’s paintings in an art transport bag that had been Dr. Julien’s. Lloyd gathered water glasses and condensed them into fewer cups so that they could be more easily dumped once Jay was outside. Finally, Kai was tasked with tossing trash and gathering the few of Jay’s belongings that were hidden around the main living area.

After about fifteen minutes, Cole noted that Jay was still hearing and even occasionally seeing Nya, but the group was ready to leave. They were together, and the worst of the distress seemed to have passed. 

Nightfall would surely arrive before they made it back, but that didn’t matter. 

Because they would be home.

They were back at the monastery, but things weren’t going as well as everyone had hoped. Maybe they had been too optimistic in the first place. Everyone still felt rough at different stages of the grieving process, and firsthand watching Jay interact with Nya when she very obviously wasn’t present was difficult for everyone.

That first night, Kai told Jay that he’d help mount the paintings of Nya that he’d finished at the lighthouse in the morning. Jay seemed eager, but Kai encouraged him to get some sleep.

Lloyd and Cole spent a couple hours simply sitting in Jay’s room with him after dinner, feeling honestly a bit too concerned to take an eye off of him. Lloyd couldn’t shake the idea that his own move from the monastery was a major contributing factor that led Jay to where he was right now, and Cole feared Jay isolating himself again and having a repeat of these past months, only worse.

In that time, they learned many of Jay's standard hallucinations hadn’t let up either. Even ones he often had success identifying in his right state of mind were causing him troubles for the moment. 

Eventually, Cole and Lloyd left for bed, and Zane came to replace them. It was for his own peace of mind just as much as theirs. He tried to calmly talk Jay out of his delusion, but all his attempts proved unsuccessful. This wasn’t something that would be resolved tonight. Zane’s main goal was to keep Jay from bringing every cup in the monastery to his room filled with tap water.

He did well, and he was glad when Jay fell asleep with exactly two water glasses in his room. One to keep Nya by his side and another for him to drink out of. Though Zane was certain Jay wouldn’t be drinking out of either. A cursory health scan when they’d got back to the monastery also indicated that Jay was dehydrated, indicating he’d been avoiding drinking water when he could. That’s part of the reason Zane made him keep some orange juice on his bedside table, too.

Zane was the last person to retire that night, and everyone hoped tomorrow would show even more improvement. Because it was certainly needed. 

It had been decided in the morning that they'd discuss the vengestone criminals after lunch, but the dynamic in the monastery was… not the usual, to say the least. 

Everyone had dragged themselves out of bed for training in the morning. Despite the fact that training started an hour later than it normally would have, each person felt tired and out of practice. It didn’t get any better when Jay had been dismissed from training because he wasn’t able to fully focus. His insistence on talking with Nya also only served to make the group feel mournful and ill at ease.

Master Wu had also dismissed Cole. Partially because he’d kept up with training these past few months, and partially because he hoped Cole could be a grounding force for Jay.

Cole handed Jay a rubik's cube to solve as they sat in the living room together. Jay was slouched in his seat with his socked feet pulled up onto the sofa, and Cole kept an arm around his shoulders. 

“Have you heard Nya say anything since we came inside?” Cole asked as Jay toyed with the rubik's cube.

“She wasn’t dismissed from training,” he said plainly. 

Cole wasn’t sure how to ask if Jay was experiencing visual hallucinations of Nya as well, but he needed to know. During training, it seemed as if he had been. So in a questioning voice, he said to Jay, “I didn’t see her outside?”

“That makes sense. She merged with her element.” Jay locked a row of green on the cube as he spun another segment.

“Well, did you see her?”

Jay’s movements faltered. “No. But I can feel her in the humidity, and at one point today, it was like she was standing next to me, holding my hand. I know Nya is here because she talks to me and touches me and tries to take shape in the pond. That's how I know Nya's here with us... But I’m still waiting for her to really come back.” He looked around himself briefly before starting to panic when he noticed he didn’t have any water near him. “Where–”

His eyes grew wide, and when Cole realized what was happening, he took a calm hold of Jay’s wrists as the other held onto the rubik's cube.

“Hey, you’re okay. Nya’s okay. You’re looking for your water glass, right?” Cole got a nod in response. “I just moved it to the side table so that you wouldn’t spill water on the couch. Take a look.” 

A couple feet away from Jay was a clear glass of water, and when he saw it, he visibly started to relax. When he moved to reach for it, Cole slightly tightened the hold on his wrists, and Jay looked back in confusion. 

“You were doing okay before. Nya’s safe, and so are you. Why don’t you go back to your rubik’s cube? You know where the glass is now.”

“But…” Jay looked at the glass. “What if she feels left out?”

“Because you’re not holding onto the water glass?”

Jay nodded.

Cole thought on the fly and responded uncertainly. “Well, you need two hands to solve a rubik's cube, right? How about I hold onto this for now?”

“Her,” Jay corrected.

“Right. What if I hold onto her for a while? So you can finish up?”

For a drawn out moment, Jay eyed Cole silently, but he eventually agreed. Cole let go of Jay’s wrists and reached for the glass. Wrapping his right arm around Jay’s shoulders again, he kept his left arm and the cup he held on the armrest. Jay could still see it, but Cole kept the glass as far from Jay as he reasonably could without being called out.

Soon, Jay settled enough to finish solving the rubik's cube in silence, but after a few more reshuffles, his interest waned. Without warning, he said in a quiet voice, “Nya’s gone.” 

Cole looked down at Jay, who stared into nothingness.

“She’s here, but she’s not. The team’s never gonna be whole again.”

A sad laugh escaped Cole. “Heh, I thought we went over this already, bud. If she were here, Nya would kick our butts if we let the whole team fall apart.”

Jay’s voice was disheartened, but he gave a small, “I know. She told me as much.”

Silence once again filled the room.

Cole asked, “So you’re still up for the discussion about the vengestone smugglers later, right?”

“Mhmm.” 

He gave a comforting rub to Jay’s upper arm and told him. “Just hang in there, bluejay. Things are gonna get better.”

Kai hammered another nail into the wall of Jay's bedroom, holding true to his promise to help Jay mount the paintings from the lighthouse. Although he’d been trying to get Jay to stay in the present by asking him to do assorted tasks like passing the measuring tape or picking places on the wall for each picture to go, keeping him engaged was difficult. Kai’s own tiredness mixed with the frustration of not being able to keep Jay’s attention was really starting to wear on him, but he tried to hold his tongue and just finish up quickly so he could get in a shower and a nap to hopefully calm down. 

He hadn’t felt this useless as a brother since back in the first realm, but truthfully, he didn’t have the emotional availability at the moment to deal with Jay’s grief on top of his own. He knew feeling clean and rested would do him a lot of good once he found the time for it.

“Jay, where’d you put the level?” Kai asked while drawing a small mark on the wall.

When he got no response, he looked over his shoulder to see Jay knelt in front of his bedside table looking at the two water glasses there. 

Kai retracted the measuring tape in his hand as he turned away from the wall. “Jay!”

The younger startled, but he looked over to Kai to see why he was being called. “What? You don’t have to yell.”

“The level? Where is it?”

Jay shuffled around the blankets on his bed until he found it and passed it to Kai before resuming his position from before.

Rather than go back to where he was working, Kai sat on Jay’s bed and looked down at him. To the back of Jay’s head, he said tiredly, “You know she’s gone. You should help me put up the paintings. Maybe you could make more. It’s better than just talking to water.”

“I’m not just talking to water. I’m talking to Nya.”

“It’s not like she can respond.” Kai caught himself only after he’d already spoken. lt wasn’t Kai’s fault that he couldn’t hear the things Jay did.

“She can!”

“Jay, she can’t .” Jay finally turned away from the endstand, and he glared at Kai from his crouch. Since Kai had already bitten the bullet, he went on to say,  “When you hear Nya, you aren’t hearing my sister. You’re hearing hallucinations. Can’t you just trust me on this one?”

Standing up, Jay now had the height advantage. “Well, maybe I can hear her because I’m the only one who cares to listen.”

“What?!” A dangerous expression showed on Kai’s face as he grit his teeth. He stood as well, keeping mere inches between them. “You think I don’t want to hear Nya’s voice again? That I don’t care? You’re acting like you’re the only one who misses her. But we all do. She was my sister! And right now, you’re being a selfish prick by implying you’re the only one who’s affected.”

An incredulous scoff escaped Jay. “I’m the selfish one? I didn’t ask to be here! I was just fine at the lighthouse, but you dragged me back.” He pressed his pointer finger to Kai’s chest. “Yeah, Nya’s not here anymore, but I’m not going to pretend things can just go back to normal. If you want to, you can just leave. I was better off at the lighthouse, anyway.”

Kai shoved his arm away and yelled, “Dammit, Jay. No you weren’t!”

“Screw off, Kai!”

Before Kai knew what was happening, he felt a swift kick to his stomach, and he was sent across Jay’s bedroom until his back hit the drawers of Jay’s desk. Kai’s grimace of pain quickly turned to pure fury as he got back on his feet. He heard a shout from Jay and a slam in the direction of the bedroom door. Then before he knew it, he felt two pairs of hands hold him back, which only served to make him more angry.

“Let me go!” He shouted at Zane and Lloyd as he tried to yank out of their grip.

When his angry eyes searched for Jay, Kai saw him being restrained by Cole. He saw small sparks emanating off of Jay’s body but knew Cole could handle it. The sight made him think of his own element and did his best to push down the surge of emotion enough to ensure that neither of the people holding him would be burned. That didn’t stop him from trying to pull out of their grasp, though.

Lloyd yelled, “That’s enough, you two! What even happened here?”

Kai spat out, “Ask the guy that just kicked me.” 

“Well, ask the guy that spent the past two minutes taunting me!”

“I didn’t do anything!”

It was Cole’s turn to cut them off. “Both of you need to chill out!” After a deep breath, he asked Kai, “Are you hurt?”

The question caught Kai slightly off guard, but he took a moment to evaluate himself, and it was more regulating than he thought it would be. “I’m good. Back’s sore because I hit the drawer handles of his desk, but I’ll live.” His tone must have been calm enough because he felt Zane and Lloyd loosen their grip. After another second he casually shook them off, feeling more tired than before.

Zane asked Jay the same question, “Are you hurt anywhere, Jay?”

His gaze stayed off of everyone, and he was still in Cole’s hold. Small sparks continued to jump around him. After a prolonged moment of silence, he said no. Then he asked for Cole to let go of him.

“You’re still sparking, Jay,” Cole told him. “If the shocks are still uncomfortable for me, I don’t think we want to take the chance of someone else getting shocked, too. You gotta calm down some more.” Though Cole did shift to a position that was less explicitly restraining and simply wrapped his arms around Jay’s torso from behind.

In all honesty, Kai really did not want to stay in that room, but he knew he shouldn’t leave.

Cole asked, “Can someone bring him like a stress ball or something?”

Lloyd quickly went to grab one from his own room and handed it to Jay, who wasted no time in putting it to use.

A few minutes later, everyone had migrated out of Jay’s room, and the five of them had taken seats around a table in the hangar bay.

Lloyd asked, “Is everyone calm enough now to talk about what the heck just happened?”

Each person gave a nod, though Jay barely lifted his gaze from the cup of water that sat in front of him on the table. At least, he looked up at all. Thankfully, he had managed to get his element under control, and he had traded out the stress ball for one of his own fidgets.

From beside Kai, Zane said, “I would like Kai’s side of the story first, considering you did not seem to throw the first hit.”

A heavy sigh escaped Kai and he explained, “I was exhausted and testy. I put my foot in my mouth when I called out his hallucinations tactlessly. Then he took it the wrong way and accused me of not caring about Nya, so I called him a selfish prick. He said he wanted to go back to the lighthouse, and a couple seconds later I got a back-kick to the gut. You guys came in before I got to throw a hit, but honestly, if Jay held out a bit longer, I’d have thrown the first punch myself.”

Zane then asked, “Jay, what’s your version of the story?”

“He called me selfish for wanting to talk to Nya, for not being able to just go back to our old life like normal. I told him that he was the selfish one since I didn’t ask to be brought back to the monastery and that he should just leave me alone. When he didn’t leave and just yelled at me again, I snapped. I gave him a warning, and when he didn’t take it, I couldn't stop myself.”

A brief pause filled the room before Zane asked Jay, “What would it take to make you believe that we care about Nya, too?”

At the question, Jay momentarily stopped fumbling with his fidget. He said, “I know that you all care. It’s just hard to remember sometimes.” A pause filled the air. “We’re all dealing with losing Nya differently, but I guess I’m just… not as good at it as you guys. Maybe you should have just left me at the lighthouse.”

Cole pulled him into a side hug. “That lighthouse wasn’t doing you any good. We’d all much rather you cause trouble here than be stranded in the middle of nowhere. At least, here we can watch out for each other.”

“You mean, you can watch out for me .”

“No,” Lloyd cut in, “he means all of us. We can watch out for each other. You aren’t the only one that really needed to come back to the monastery. Living in the city was nice at first, but being alone wasn’t doing me any good either.”

Everyone waited to hear Jay’s thoughts. 

“I’m sorry, Kai,” Jay eventually said. “For kicking you and for acting like a selfish prick… But I’ll probably do it again. Uh, the being a selfish prick part. Still working on that.” He finished his apology with an embarrassed chuckle as his thumb rubbed the outside of the glass in his hand.

Kai couldn’t hold back a tired smile at Jay’s blunt honesty. He told Jay, “And I’m sorry for not getting out when you said I should. I was an ass for being insensitive. I’ll probably do that again, too. Like you said, still working on it.” He held his hand out for a fist bump across the table. “No hard feelings?”

He got a fist bump from Jay with the hand still holding the fidget toy.

“No hard feelings.”

The sound of water filling the tub was comforting to Jay. He’d taken a quick shower to scrub down, but he wasn’t ready to leave the bathroom and face the others just yet. In front of the sink, in nothing but a towel, he splashed cold water on his face to try and center himself, and he tried to make sense of his life. He still felt bad for attacking Kai, but a part of him felt well and fully justified. It also felt terrible to think about how he couldn’t control his element enough to keep Cole from getting shocked in the heat of the moment. It was just thankful that Cole had some resistance to lightning since his own element was a poor conductor.

Jay looked at his reflection in the partially foggy mirror, and he didn’t like what he saw. He was clean, but his face looked a bit thinner than he remembered and he still had yet to shave or trim his hair. 

Life just didn’t make sense without Nya living in the monastery with them.

All of a sudden, Jay thought he heard a bubbling, gurgling noise mix with the sound of running water from the tub. When he turned away from the mirror, he saw the ripples in the water and watched as they became more and more pronounced. He went to turn the faucet off, but as he moved away again, his heart just about stopped at the sight in front of him.

Then he heard her cry out.

“Jay!”

“Nya!”

Nya was in front of him, looking the exact same as the day she had merged with the sea. Her appearance seemed to be constantly shifting slightly as a result of having merged with the water, but Jay still had no trouble telling it was her. His heart beat fervently in his chest. The urgency in Nya’s voice only made Jay more alert. She'd never sounded this agonized in the past.

Her voice sounded strained and wavering as she spoke, as if existing itself was painful. “Jay, I-” It seemed like Nya was willing herself to stay upright. “I need your help!”

The door behind Jay slammed, but he paid it no attention, his full focus on Nya.

“What can I do, Nya? Anything! Just tell me.”

In the background, there was a blur of shouting and footfalls rushing towards Jay and Nya, but right now, all that mattered was her. When Jay reached for Nya on instinct to help, his hand grazed right through.  

Nya struggled desperately to get the words out, but she said, “There’s… a way back.” It seemed like she was attempting to hold her limbs in place as they tried to drip back into a single puddle. 

“I need you to… drain away my powers!”

Every movement seemed frantic and uncertain to Jay, and the sight made him cry out her name in a plea.

“Before I… I lose my shape! Plea–”

Then, before Nya had the chance to finish her cry for help, before she disappeared again forever, she was frozen solid by a strong blast of ice that chilled Jay who was still in just his towel. However, feeling cold was the least of his concerns. 

He whipped his head around and saw Zane in a stance that let Jay know he was the culprit. Lloyd and Kai were in the background looking stunned, too, and Cole ran in just as Jay rushed up to Zane.

“What did you do?!” He asked accusatorily.

However, Zane maintained his calm and told him gently, “Apologies, Jay, but freezing her was the only way to maintain her form.”

The explanation thankfully made enough sense in Jay’s mind to keep him from further spiraling.

“Is she okay?” He asked.

“Indeed. As she is now, Nya should be perfectly safe.”

Kai spoke quietly, his voice utterly dumbfounded but full of emotion. “That was her. It's really Nya.” He never thought he’d see her again.

“She said she needed to drain her powers away,” Jay reiterated in a hesitant voice.

Cole slowly shook his head as he walked up to Nya and placed a hand on her frozen shoulder. “But that’s impossible. There’s no way to just drain her powers.”

Lloyd wasted no time to correct him though, and a hopeful smile took over his face. “No. It’s not! Aspheera can drain someone’s powers. Kai had his powers taken away. Remember?”

“Aspheera?” Zane questioned. “But she is currently incarcerated in Kryptarium prison.”

Jay nodded and reached for the clean shirt he’d saved for until after his bath. It could wait. He asked everyone, “Are you all thinking what I’m thinking?” He slipped the shirt over his head and ran his fingers through his hair like a comb.

The room fell quiet for a moment as each person sifted through their thoughts with bated breath and emotion. Zane was the first to break the silence, saying evenly, “I want to emphasize to everyone that releasing Aspheera from prison even briefly poses a great risk to public safety.”

But Jay insisted, “This is the closest thing we’ve ever had to a plan to save Nya.”

“And I agree,” Zane said with a smile tugging at his lip. “I only want it to be known that this is not a decision that should be taken lightly.”

Cole glanced around at everyone. “Zane’s right, this is a big decision. One we need to make as a team.”

“So I guess there’s only one question left,” Kai said. “Are we still a team?”

One by one, but in very quick succession, each person raised their hand, and the tally was final. They’d be willing to risk it all for Nya. And for the first time in over a year, it felt like their family could be whole again.

Kai turned to Jay after everything was set in stone, and he asked, “You think you’re ready for a mission, hotshot?”

With a single nod, he said determinedly, “Let's go get Nya back.”

Chapter Text

After Nya had her powers drained by Aspheera, there’d been no time for pleasant reunions, much less the serious talks that everyone had weighing at the back of their minds. The reappearance of the Overlord and Harumi ensured that. 

However, things were calm again now. There was no imminent threat, and this was the closest to normalcy the group would arguably ever get. Even if that meant not a single one of the ninja had their powers at the moment. But that was okay because Nya was back, and they’d been Ninjago’s heroes for long enough to know that true power is never lost.

Still, this conversation had been a long time coming, and the reality of facing it made Jay nervous.

He and Nya laid side by side on her bed, leaning into each other and staring up at the ceiling.

“I want to talk to you about something, Jay,” she started. “Something important.”

“Oh, um, what is it?” The anxiety felt uncomfortable, and not being able to feel the calming buzz of his element was a sensation he still wasn’t used to.

Nya reached over to grab one of his hands and rested the handhold atop their torsos. “I want to talk about what happened while I was away… I know me being gone was hard for everyone, but I’m really worried about you.”

Jay stayed quiet and let her continue. He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb.

“One day, one of us isn’t going to come home again. I really hope it’s because one of us dies of old age, but we’re still Ninjago’s protectors, and anything can happen any day. We both know that.” She turned her head to the side to see Jay. “If I’m the first one to go, I just want to know that you’ll be okay, but the guys told me about what happened with you after I was gone.”

Again, Jay gave her the opportunity to continue talking, but she made it clear she wanted to hear what he had to say.

“I really don’t know what to say,” Jay admitted weakly. “I know I didn’t handle you merging with your element well, but I… I don’t know how I could’ve made myself react differently.”

“You knew the lighthouse wasn’t safe, right? Zane said you didn’t even tell anyone you were moving there. He had to figure it out on his own.”

“At first, I think I knew it wasn’t safe. Zane told me as much. At some point though, it started to make more and more sense in my mind, and by the time the guys dragged me back to the monastery, I definitely thought I could safely live there.”

The air stayed wordless for a moment.

Nya asked him, “So you see why I’m worried, right?”

“Yeah…” Jay sighed and leaned his head to the side to rest against Nya’s. He thought about how much he missed simply existing next to her like this while she was merged with the sea.

“Can we try to come up with a plan then? For how to help you stay safe and cope better if something like this ever happens again?”

A whisper came from Jay’s other side, and he turned his head towards the noise. Nobody was there.

Nya asked him, “Did you hear something?”

“Yeah, a voice. Hallucination?”

“Mhmm.”

He laid back down. At least, he was able to identify certain hallucinations again, though they were still distressing at times. 

“We can come up with a plan,” Jay told her. “But for the record, next time, I’ll be the first to go. Okay?” He gave a halfhearted laugh at the uncomfortable topic, but this was definitely a conversation they needed to have.

“Noted, sparky,” she said, but he did get a small chuckle out of her. “Anyhow, I was brainstorming precautions. I know we’ve talked about it in passing before, but we need to actually talk about it for real. Do you think you’d be willing to try medicine to curb psychotic symptoms? Something to make them a bit more manageable. They already take up so much of your energy day to day. And I can’t help but wonder if me merging with the sea just pushed you past a breaking point. What if the initial hallucinations had been less intense? Maybe you wouldn’t have been sucked so far into delusions. If you’d gotten hurt at the lighthouse, nobody would have been able to live with themselves.”

The serious discussion made Jay’s heart skip a beat. Nya was right though, this was a conversation that was long overdue.

He hesitated in his response, but he told Nya, “I think I’m willing to try it.” He leaned further into her. “Every time we’ve talked about it in the past, I’ve had some excuse. Either the hallucinations weren’t that bad, or there was too much happening in Ninjago for me to want to try something new, or I just felt scared of change. But you’re right. Existing like this does take an insane amount of energy at times. And honestly… I’m just really tired of putting you and the guys in situations where my problems forcibly become yours because the symptoms are just too intense. I hate doing that to you.”

“I know,” she told Jay sympathetically. With a breath, she thought aloud, “Cole told me that watching you that final month before you left the monastery was like watching a ticking time bomb. He knew you were struggling and getting worse, but neither he or Zane had any power to help. And we’ve all heard the stories of what happened in the first realm. Reality breaks like that are something that just aren’t realistic for us to handle alone; not if we want to keep you safe.”

A remorseful frown covered Jay’s face. He wanted to apologize for being too much to handle, but he also knew that wasn’t the point Nya was trying to make. In fact, most of the time, the team did a pretty good job at helping Jay cope with all the crap his brain threw at him. 

“I should apologize to Cole again. But he’s also probably annoyed at hearing me say sorry for the ten bazillionth time.”

“I don’t think you need to say sorry again. He knows you wouldn’t have put him in that position on purpose. Don’t you think he’d be happier to see you less perpetually stressed instead? Because as much as hallucinations must suck for you, it’s also not fun for us to see someone we care about struggling.”

“He probably would appreciate that more than another apology, huh?” Jay stayed in his head for a moment. “I should probably talk to Master Wu about trying to find someone that can start me on meds then… Though it’s almost as anxiety-inducing as it is relieving.”

“Anxiety-inducing?”

Nya felt him shrug at her side.

“I’ve never been on an anti-psychotic. They can’t be much different than anxiety meds, but I don’t like the idea that they might make me feel like a different person. Or maybe some of the side effects are really different than anything else I’ve experienced.” He turned his head to look at her. “It is kinda scary if you think about it.”

“But if it works out, imagine how much more manageable your daily life could be.”

“I know. Even if the hallucinations were less, that would honestly make a big difference, I think.”

“Not right now, but do you want me to go with you when you talk to Master Wu?”

Jay thought for a second then shook his head, “No thanks. I can do it myself.”

The conversation came to a lull, and the two looked at the ceiling in a comfortable silence. Jay relished in the feeling of their heads touching and their interlinked hands, and Nya enjoyed the warmth of someone she loved at her side. 

Before the conversation came to a complete close, Nya asked, “Was there anything you wanted to suggest? Regarding the next steps forward? I don’t want it to just be me throwing ideas out there. This is your life, so you should have the biggest say in what changes you could make.”

“Can I suggest a lobotomy?” Jay teased.

Nya couldn’t help but snort at that joke. “Only if I can get one, too.”

“Deal!” A smile took over both their expressions, and it lightened the mood considerably. It gave Jay the courage to say, “I think nobody doubts the root of my hallucinations and reality breaks is at least partially trauma. I don’t think that’s the root of it, but it sure as heck isn’t helping my situation.”

Nya listened as Jay organized his thoughts.

“Maybe now that Ninjago isn’t falling to pieces anymore, I should try to — I dunno — unpack some of that trauma. But honestly, the idea of seeing a shrink sounds pretty terrible.”

Nya told him, “If we’re being honest, that would probably be a good thing for everyone in this building. Heck, even Master ‘Oh you all don’t need me anymore’ Wu.” Nya’s impression of Master Wu was amateur at best, but it got the point across. Then when she looked at Jay again, she said, “I’ll try it out if you do?”

The reality of actually going and having to hold up his end of a deal was a bit daunting, and he hesitated on his answer. He looked away from Nya and struggled to come up with a response, but he did not release their handhold. After a deep breath, Jay said, “Okay, but this stays between us for now.”

“Would you be surprised or impressed to know I already got Cole and Zane to agree to the same thing?”

“Really? Zane?”

Nya hummed, and her tone was joking but judgemental as she explained, “From what I heard, our loveable nindroid friend thought turning off his emotions was the best way to deal with me not being here. And thanks to everything in the Never Realm, he actually wasn’t that hard to convince.”

“Touché. What about Lloyd and Kai? You can’t convince me Lloyd is better off than Cole.”

“Hundred percent agree. He’s probably got more family trauma than all of us combined. Also a chosen one complex that could literally rival the FSM. Which is why I’m gonna talk him into it tomorrow. I’ll get Kai at some point this week. Because you boys are really predictable.”

“Hey! I’m not that predictable,” Jay countered.

Nya didn’t say anything to that, but they both smiled and knew how she felt. 

“How are you feeling, Jay?” Nya asked.

“I’m good. You?”

She let go of Jay’s hand and turned to hug him for real. They melted into each other, still lying on the bed, and she said to Jay,  “It’s good to be back. And to know things are gonna be okay.”