Chapter Text
PINES PINES PINES PINES (Lost my marbles, Sir dipshit, and 2 others…)
<11:38pm>
Lost my marbles: helloooooo
Lost my marbles: this is my official thank u letter to grunkle stan for the alc
Lost my marbles: spiked mabel juice fucks hard
Sir dipshit: not if ur just dumping pink whitney into it
Sir dipshit: only plain vodka for me pls
Lost my marbles: ur so fucking lame bro
Lost my marbles: u never party with me
Sir dipshit: parties are loud and sweaty and anxiety inducing
Sir dipshit: id much rather get high in my room
Great uncle stan: Wow. They grow up so fast
Great uncle stan: I see no negative consequences to buying you guys substances!
Gay uncle ford: Stanley, why are you encouraging your great niece and nephew to partake in underage substance use?
Lost my marbles: LMFAOOO grunkle ford why do u still text like that
Lost my marbles: weve had this gc for like six years
Sir dipshit: IQ maxed out
Lost my marbles: OMG ur so right
Sir dipshit: also he was stuck in an interdimensional portal for thirty years with no proper sense of time or space and a sentient triangle chasing after him
Sir dipshit: and i think the metal plate he installed in his own head probably blocked all new knowledge from coming in
Gay uncle ford: I can still learn new things, Dipper.
Sir dipshit: then why cant u learn how to use a phone
Sir dipshit: new information bounces right off that plate like a ping pong ball
Lost my marbles: DIPPER LMFAOOOO
Great uncle stan: HAHAHAHA
Great uncle stan: Dipper you should make fun of Ford more often, this is a really great side of you. Why weren’t you like this when you were twelve.
Sir dipshit: blinded by admiration for the author of the journals
Sir dipshit: and now hes just my gay uncle
Gay uncle ford: What did I do to deserve this treatment?
Sir dipshit: remember when i was twelve and u told me about a rift that could cause the apocalypse and kill everyone i knew and then forced me to keep it a secret from my own sister
Gay uncle ford: I stand corrected.
Lost my marbles: didnt this exact plot happen in my hero academia
Sir dipshit: YES BECAUSE I SHOWED U THAT EPISODE FOR THAT EXACT REASON
Lost my marbles: oh yeah lol
Lost my marbles: ur so rihgt
Lost my marbles: lmaooo i forhot abt that
Lost my marbles: im drunk
Sir dipshit: omg thats so crazy im high
Sir dipshit: wendy says hi btw
Lost my marbles: HI WENDY
Lost my marbles: i love that u and wendy ft and just get stoned together
Lost my marbles: friendship goals
Sir dipshit: well i’d get high with you but ur always throwing ragers in our living room
Lost my marbles: mabel juice is the new jungle juice what can i say
Lost my marbles: everyone loves it
Gay uncle ford: I miss when they were twelve.
Great uncle stan: You knew them for one month when they were twelve
Great uncle stan: Besides you have to let them live a little
Great uncle stan: Better to get them drunk when they’re still under an adult’s roof
Gay uncle ford: Did the roof have to be our roof?
Great uncle stan: It’s the first summer we’ve been in town when the kids came since they were twelve and your ex-boyfriend caused the apocalypse. What was I supposed to do, NOT give them drugs???
Gay uncle ford: Yes???
Gay uncle ford: And don’t bring Bill into this.
Sir dipshit: PLEASE STOP REMINDING ME THAT BILL FUCKS
Lost my marbles: question
Lost my marbles: how exactly does a triangle fuck
Sir dipshit: ok so me and pacifica were actually talking about this the other day
Gay uncle ford: PLEASE theorize about this in a text chain that I am not in.
Great uncle stan: Dipper, why were you and Pacifica talking about Bill Cipher’s sexual history?
Lost my marbles: they talk abt a lot of weird stuff
Lost my marbles: although i do want to know more abt how bill fucks
Sir dipshit: ill tell u later
Sir dipshit: wendys curious now so i have to tell her
Lost my marbles: bro stop telling stuff to wendy that u talked abt w pacifica
Lost my marbles: u know how paz gets
Sir dipshit: ?????
Lost my marbles: jealous as fuck ?????
Sir dipshit: LMFAO PLEASE
Sir dipshit: AS IF
Sir dipshit: ur so drunk mabel wtf
Sir dipshit: thats literally crazy
Lost my marbles: bro she literally goes feral whenever u wear wendys hat
Lost my marbles: idk why tho wendy literally thinks of u as her baby brother
Lost my marbles: pacificas so robbiecore for that one
Sir dipshit: DONT EVER SAY PACIFICA IS ROBBIECORE AGAIN
Sir dipshit: im leaving this conversation
Lost my marbles: come downstairs dipperrrrr
Lost my marbles: i promise theres no rager going on
Sir dipshit: i can literally hear people
Sir dipshit: i think someones hooking up in ur room btw
Lost my marbles: oh thats my friend i sent her up there with this guy she likes
Sir dipshit: i miss gravity falls
Sir dipshit: take me back
Sir dipshit: fuck senior year i dont want to start school
Sir dipshit: mabel u were right summer forever is the right choice
Lost my marbles: LMAOOOO PLS u just miss paz
Lost my marbles: u dont gaf abt anyone else in that town
Sir dipshit: thats literally false ???
Sir dipshit: my best friend is there ?? soos and his child are there ??? grunkle stan is there ??? this weird dude who fucked a triangle is there ???
Gay uncle ford: What the hell.
Lost my marbles: whatever u say bro
Lost my marbles: but i know its just cause u miss ur girlfriend
Sir dipshit: BRO STOPPPP
Sir dipshit: she doesnt even like me like that that would be insane
Sir dipshit: like genuinely going against all the laws of the universe scientifically impossible i could write a theorem disproving the very notion insane
Lost my marbles: yeah nvm ur right
Lost my marbles: nobodys gonna fall for a fucking nerd like u
Sir dipshit: WTF
Sir dipshit: YOU DICK
Lost my marbles: what are u gonna do about it
Lost my marbles: ur too scared to come downstairs
Sir dipshit: im going to jump out of the fucking window
Lost my marbles: jokes on u thats still technically downstairs
Sir dipshit: OK FINE im coming but only bc youve annoyed me to the point where i kinda have to yell at u in person
Lost my marbles: YAYAYAYAY
Great uncle stan: I dunno Ford, I think they’re way more entertaining at eighteen
Great uncle stan: It’s nice that they can swear now
Gay uncle ford: This is what I get for missing their entire childhood, isn’t it.
Great uncle stan: Yep! It’s what you deserve.
Gay uncle ford: Well, if I remember correctly, YOU got me stuck in that portal in the first place.
Great uncle stan: well YOUR the one who let a FUCKING TRIANGLE SEDUCE YOU INTO MAKING THE PORTAL
Gay uncle ford: *YOU’RE.
Lost my marbles: oh no
Gay uncle ford: Grammar, Stanley.
Great uncle stan: YOU MOTHER FUCKER
Sir dipshit: im going to resurrect bill so he can finally fucking kill me