Work Text:
Chuuya walks into his apartment only to find a pair of shoes by the door.
“Ugh.”
He walks into the living room after locking the door.
“What the hell are you doing in my apartment?” he demands, glaring at Dazai, who is sprawled across his couch.
Dazai doesn’t respond, just flops over from his back onto his side. Chuuya raises one eyebrow, watching him closely. Then he rolls his eyes as he walks to his room to change clothes. After a short shower and a more lengthy pep talk, he heads out to deal with Dazai. Dazai hasn’t moved from his spot on the couch, except now he’s upside down. Chuuya makes a face as he walks over.
“What are you doing?” he asks as he puts the back of his hand against Dazai’s forehead. “You’re running a fever.”
“What? I’m fine.”
“No, I’m pretty sure you’re not.”
“Maybe being sick will kill me,” Dazai says brightly.
“Or it’ll be painful and hard. Then I’ll drag your stupid ass down to the hospital while you’re incapable of stopping me, and they save your life anyway,” Chuuya suggests, kneeling down to be on Dazai’s eye level.
Dazai gasps, startling Chuuya slightly.
“What?”
“Chuuya had to kneel down to my level. I think this is the first time this has ever happened!”
Chuuya glares at him darkly.
“Keep pushing me, and see what I do to you,” he mutters.
“Will Chuuya kill me?”
“No, but I am going to get Tylenol,” he says as he walks back to his bathroom.
Dazai is sitting up when Chuuya comes back in with two pills and a water bottle.
“Here, take this.”
“If I say no? Are you going to try to bribe me into eating it with snacks like you used to? That won’t work anymore. I have my own snacks.”
“Oh, bribe you? No, I won’t be doing that. That’s giving you too much credit. While I used to do that, I’ve changed too. If you don’t take it, I’m going to force it down your throat.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Yes, I would, and I will if you don’t just take it.”
Dazai shakes his head.
“I don’t believe you.”
Chuuya rolls his eyes. Then he sets the pills on the table, but still within reach. Dazai darts to his feet. Chuuya knocks him back over onto the couch. Then Chuuya proceeds to put his knee on Dazai’s chest, pinning him to the couch. He pries Dazai’s mouth open, almost getting bit in the process. Then he grabs the pills, drops them into Dazai’s mouth, and pours a little bit of water in his mouth. He forces Dazai’s mouth closed and holds him there until he swallows. Chuuya stands up at that point, ignoring the bewildered look from Dazai.
“You actually did.”
“I said I would,” Chuuya responds, glaring at Dazai.
He sits down in his armchair, pulling his phone out of his pocket.
“I’m going to tell Mori that I can’t come into work tomorrow.”
“Why?”
“I’m going to tell him it’s because I have a pest problem in my apartment, which technically isn’t wrong.”
Dazai somehow looks even more offended.
“No, I’m serious.”
“Because you came to my apartment while you were sick. As much as I hate you, and desperately want to turn you away, I know that I shouldn’t. You obviously came here in a moment of vulnerability, something that you don’t show often. So, you’re going to stay here until you get better. I’m going to call out of work until you’re well enough to go back to your own place. However, if you make this process any more difficult than it already is, I’m going to throw you out of a window.”
Dazai just continues to stare at Chuuya, who gives him an unimpressed look. Then Dazai just settles back against the couch, staring absentmindedly at the TV.
“What has no one ever been nice to you before? Actually, with your personality, that would make sense,” Chuuya mutters, setting his phone face down on the table.
He grabs his bag, pulling his paperwork out of it. He starts reading through it while Dazai comprehends what Chuuya said to him. He’s about half way through it when Dazai stands up.
“I’m going to see what you have in your fridge.”
Chuuya doesn’t respond, causing Dazai to pout.
“Why aren’t you paying attention to me? I’m going into your kitchen. Aren’t you worried that I’m going to mess something up?”
“No, because I don’t keep anything important or breakable in there. The worst thing you’re going to do is break one of my appliances, and I can just buy another one.”
“Did you move your wine collection?”
“Yes, and you better not search it out, or I will end your life. Those are worth more than you’re going to make in your entire life.”
Dazai walks into the kitchen, poking around to see if he can find anything that Chuuya would be mad that he broke. After searching for a while and not finding anything worth breaking, Dazai sulks back into the living room. He throws himself back onto the couch.
“Your apartment is so boring, Chibi.”
“How so?” Chuuya asks, flipping the top page over. He keeps his eyes on his work instead of looking at Dazai.
“Because there is nothing fun. No dinosaur cups or something I can chuck out of the window.”
“What? I do too have dinosaur cups, but you’re not allowed to throw them out of a window.”
“I would never throw those out of the window. Those are sacred. The very first cups I bought for our apartment. Oh wait, were those race car cups?”
“Those were race car cups. I bought the dinosaur cups. Since then I’ve also bought dinosaur shot glasses too,” Chuuya says, setting his pen down. He stands up, stretching.
“Those are probably amazing. Dino shot glasses. I should look to see if I can find some. Also… never mind. Thought better of it,” Dazai says, stretching a bit on the couch.
“If I get you a dinosaur cup will you drink the water I give you?”
“Yeah, sure. Water sounds nice right now, I think I’m dying of dehydration.”
“Seriously? Dude you are useless.”
Chuuya walks into the kitchen. He rummages around his cabinet for a while before pulling out a green cup with scales on one side, making up the handle, and a dinosaur head on the other side. He fills it up with water then heads back into the living room. He puts it in front of Dazai before dropping back down into the armchair.
“Ooooo.”
Dazai takes the cup and drinks some water, then puts it back down.
“Sorry I showed up here. Probably didn’t really think it through. Still can’t really think it through.”
“Shut up, would you? Your voice is annoying.”
He grabs the TV remote, then tosses it into Dazai’s lap.
“Turn something on.”
“I didn’t know my voice was annoying. I just thought that everyone was messing with me,” Dazai says as he turns the TV on.
He just flips through the channels, not actually watching anything. Just a second of audio before it flipped to a different channel. He lands on a static channel and just stares at the screen and listens to the static sound, his eyes slightly unfocused. Chuuya eventually looks up with a confused look.
“Are you ok? You’re not having a stroke, or something, right?”
“Considering I’ve never had one of those, probably, I wouldn’t know what that feels like. On the other hand, I should probably change from the static because Mori used to use static as a form of punishment. It always makes me dissociate now.”
“Wow, trauma, big shocker. I’m going to make you some food.”
Chuuya stands up, heading back into the kitchen. He grabs himself a drink before getting started on some soup.
“I’m not really hungry, Chuuya,” Dazai says as he changes the channel. “Oooo. Pandas.”
“I don’t care. You’re going to eat something unless you’re going to throw it up,” Chuuya says, sipping his bottle of beer.
“I don’t think I’m going to throw up. Let me ask the dino though.”
Chuuya can’t hear what Dazai says next because it’s too quiet.
“Dino said that I won’t, so I guess I’ll eat.”
“And he’s delirious,” Chuuya mutters.
He doesn’t say anything else until the soup is done. Then he takes it back into the other room, offering the bowl to Dazai. Dazai takes the bowl, then starts quietly eating the soup.
“What soup is this?”
“Chicken noodle. The same one that you always eat when you’re sick. Now can you please shut up? I’m trying to play games on my phone.”
“Sure thing,” Dazai says.
Dazai keeps his word, until he’s done eating the soup. Then he goes back to watching the TV while humming a random tune. Chuuya ignores him while he finishes up the paperwork that he neglected to finish earlier. Once he’s done, he turns the TV off.
“You should get some sleep. I’ll wake you up when you need to take more medicine.”
“Sleep? Yeah, I probably should do that. I don’t remember the last time I did that. I just can’t die. I promised Atsushi that I’d take him to the park or something. I remembered when I promised it, probably. Sleep, how do you do that again?”
Dazai flops around on the couch for a minute, then settles down and closes his eyes. Chuuya gives him a weird look, but lets him sleep without saying anything. Chuuya lets him sleep for a few hours until eleven. Then he wakes him up to take more medicine.
He moans and whines about it until Chuuya finally says, “Alright. I really don’t have the time or patience for this. I hate myself for this, but I will give you something fun for breakfast in the morning and your juice in another dinosaur cup if you just take this medicine without me having to shove it down your throat.”
Dazai’s face lights up.
“Alright.”
He takes the medicine, and Chuuya drops into his armchair.
“What the hell am I doing with my life?” he mutters, putting his head onto the arm rest.