Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Fear wasn't a new thing for Shiro, as it was something that he had learned to deal with constantly. There were a numerous amount of times that he had felt the same underlying fear within his heart. When Adam had died, and the thought of Shiro not being there for his lover was quite devastating. Or when he was captive on a galra ship, although those were just a few examples of handling fear in his struggles.

But he had never felt fear like this before

Shiro's heart stopped the moment the lions hit the hard terrain

His mind filled with thousands of scary thoughts resounding around death. His feet remained planted on the hard floor, his breath stopped with a defeated thump.

And then it started again

His breath picked up with intensity, his mind went into overdrive. And he just couldn't breathe for heaven's sake! People moved around him, turned towards him, asked him what they should do. But Shiro didn't know what to do, instead he knew that fear was already impending itself into his heart.

It was destroying him piece by piece, taking away any happiness in his body. All the hope of seeing his wonderful paladins again dashed away faster than he liked. Than fire filled his veins, taking away any sadness within his fragile body.

He was angry at himself for not knowing that this could possibly happen, that a paladin could've died today because he wasn't prepared enough. There were many things that contributed to this sudden irritation, though nothing could've stopped it. The Shiro in that present moment was ready to fight any battle, to save anyone with a leading cause.

That's when he spoke, and action finally took place.

"We need all our medic's and doctors on duty," Shiro barked out. "As for the rest of us, we are going to split up into five teams. Veronica, you're in charge of going to retrieve your brother, Lance. Sam, you're in charge of going to retrieve your daughter, Pidge. Coren, you'll go get Allura. Matt, you're in charge of going to retrieve Hunk. And I'll go retrieve Keith. Is everyone clear of their assignments?"

A chorus of 'yes sir' rang out throughout the dark room. With not a moment to spare, Shiro and the others were running to their assignments. There were five teams of medic's waiting at the door, and Shiro called for a team to follow him with much haste.

He had seen where Keith's lion had landed, and for that he felt the most fear out of everyone. The desert was known for many things, and being soft was not one of those features. Instead, the ground was hot and unforgiving of any kindness to the sudden crash nearby. Though it was easy to tell how far the wreckage had gone with the stark contrast of the grey powdery sand against its hull.

Shiro couldn't have run any faster, though he wished that he had superhuman abilities at the moment. The wreckage was within sight, but it still seemed so far away. Or maybe that was because in a way, Shiro felt disconnected from his own body.

His senses were dulled to the max, and there was only one thought running through his frazzled mind.

'Please let Keith get breathing'

Maybe that was a plead to himself, or maybe it was directed to a god that he had never believed in. But if he ever chose to believe in a higher being, it would be then. In fact, Shiro was willing to do anything to let his brother keep on living life to the fullest.

And for him to be apart of it

Keith lived through him, and although the red paladin might've not believed him. But Keith saved him in more ways than one, and Shiro only wanted to do the same.

'I can't lose him'

The wreckage was so close now, though Shiro didn't know if anything could've prepared him for what he was about to see. Although Shiro had been very accustomed to blood, as it was a part of being a paladin of Voltron. There was still a small part lingering that warned him to breathe at this next part.

It was easier said than done

Shiro went running up to the black lion, silently begging for it to open its large mouth. It only took a few seconds before he was in, and for him to stop in his tracks.

He stopped breathing

Everything was dark, not a single voice was heard. As everyone stopped and mourned the depressed mood within the atmosphere.

"Keith," Shiro gave a strangled breath as he went to grab his brother. Time stood still, nobody moved unless told otherwise. The smell made a few leave, if the sight alone hadn't scared them off. But as it may be, a few medic's stood still to give a lending hand once told.

Keith was in a horrible state. It was clear that he had been thrown from the pilot seat and had hit his head on the console. There were streams of blood dripping down the sides of his head, mirroring the cuts on his face, or in the ripped armor.

The front shield of the black lion had luckily stood firm, though if it had shattered…Shiro shuddered at the thought. He carefully picked up Keith, and silently mentioned for the medics to come over.

Without any hesitation, the medics came over with the stretcher which Keith was set upon. Than it broke loose, for which Shiro lost at some point in time. All he knew was the medic's wrapping a piece of cloth around Keith's head, as they checked vitals.

"His vitals are unstable; we need to transport him now!" A medic – who was formally known as Becca - said in an urgent manner.

Shiro didn't know what they were waiting for but nodded as he quickly ran beside his brother. Everything happened fast, there wasn't a moment to sit. Though there had been plenty of time to worry, to wonder what life would've been if he had found Keith in another state.

His story would've ended far differently, something that haunted him for years to come

But at that moment, Shiro only chose to wait for the results of Keith. It hadn't been hard to guess that the moment Keith had entered the garrison hospital, that many tests would take place. But he hadn't known the severity of what those tests were testing for.

Keith could have brain damage, or he could not

Keith could be blind, or he could not

Keith could be dead, but he is not

That was the most important thing. It didn't matter if Keith had any further issues due to this unfortunate crash, all that really mattered was that Keith was alive.

Even as Shiro sat in the white plastic chair, waiting for what felt like months for some serious results. Nothing mattered except seeing those blue eyes again. Because if Keith didn't wake up, Shiro would change. Everyone would change.

And Lance would kill him to a bloody pulp

"Shirogane?"

Shiro stood up, his heart pumping with the suspense

"I'm proud to say that Kogane is stable, but we don't know when he'll wake up. Only time will tell." The doctor said grimly. "But we do have high outlooks for his recovery. I promise to keep you updated."

Shiro gave a small nod. "Can I see him?"

"You may but be warned. Kogane is not in the best shape, and it will look uncomfortable. But I promise you that he is recovering, and every piece of equipment in there is to help him do that."

"I understand. Thank you for your time."

The doctor nodded and left the room. Which lead to an uncomfortable silence that Shiro was fighting against. The quiet was not something that Shiro loved, this was due to many reasons.

But even now as Shiro entered Keith's room, the silence killed him with its silent pleas. The doctor had not been joking when she said that there were a lot of machines. There had to be at least fifteen machines in that small hospital room.

Not to mention how pale Keith was, his skin color matching the pale white sheets. His breathing was shallow, not even audible for most.

It was terrifying

Shiro sat down with tears in his eyes, he went and held Keith's hand.

It was so cold, too cold for his liking

It was as if Keith was dead. The thought made Shiro shudder once again, though it couldn't end this way.

'Keith will be fine; the machines are here to help him'

That thought carried Shiro to tears, because of how true it was. And maybe it was the fear that Keith wasn't out of the woods yet, and that the future was unknown.

'Keith…please come back to me. I love you.'

Chapter Text

Time held no limits

There was a large diversity of time that Shiro hadn't learned how to use. While he could've been preparing his speech that he was due to give in a few days' time, instead, he was sitting in a hard plastic chair next to an unconscious Keith. The heart monitor was constant, Keith's vitals was constant, and the awareness was just the same.

The doctors had said that Keith wouldn't wake up

But Shiro said otherwise

Keith had always survived past the unimaginable, and if anyone could've taken such a hard beating, it would be Keith in a snap. Though there was still doubt littering his busy mind, as the constant beeping was a stark reminder of every-dying hope.

In fact, Shiro had snapped at many due to this fact. It wasn't internationally, nor did he mean to. But it had just slipped while in conversation with people who told him to fear the worst. Those people had also said to prepare himself.

But how could he prepare for death?

And what was he preparing for anyway?

Keith was going to live, Shiro had already decided that. It didn't matter if Keith took his sweet time waking up, or he happened to wake up at that very instant. Shiro would never leave his brother in his time of need, no matter how many people doubted the red paladins survival.

"Shiro?"

The black paladin looked up as his mind snapped back on his awareness. He sighed when he saw who it was, though he couldn't have blamed them. Shiro had really been slacking off on his duties.

"Yes Sam?"

Sam gave a sad smile as he walked towards Shiro, though he was cautious of the beast residing in the black paladin. As it was well-known information that Shiro had been snapping more easily.

"Hey Shiro, I hate to drag you from Keith. But you've been asked to come to the leadership meeting about reconstructing garrison and the neighboring towns." Sam said calmly, as he sat down next to Shiro.

But Shiro only shook his head. "Tell them that I'm busy, and I'll come as soon as I can."

"It seemed important Shiro, Iverson said it was essential that you are present at the meeting."

"Tell him that I politely decline."

"Iverson wouldn't be too happy."

"That doesn't matter. I cannot leave Keith while he is like this. He never abounded me and I'm not abounding him. So, you will march up to Iverson and tell him that I will not be at the meeting."

There was a moment of silence before anyone said something else. Both men looked each other in the eye with unfathomable grief as they listened to the stale beats of Keith's heart. Then, they looked away with irritation.

Sam knew that Shiro was going through a lot at the moment, but if Shiro never got past his grief, nothing would change.

He laid a supportive hand on Shiro's shoulder. "You have to stop this Shiro, and I don't want to be the one to say it. But you have to know that you can't running from this, or any of your duties. There is nothing you could've done to prevent Keith from disaster, or any of the paladin's. Trust me, I've felt it and endured it with Pidge, and it-"

"Please don't talk about Pidge," Shiro sucked in a harsh breath. "Pidge is going to be fine, and you know that. And you know that she will wake in a few hours with nothing but a few minor injuries. But I don't know any of that, I don't know if Keith will be fine, I don't know when he'll wake up. And I don't know if I'll ever see his iris eyes again."

"You will see Keith's eyes again Shiro, I know it. But if you keep worrying about the what if's, nothing but grief will follow you around. Instead, focus on the positives. Think about how Keith is breathing, and stable, and that there is a large possibility that he will be fine."

It was impossible to know if any of that was true, and Shiro wanted to cling to his words. But every time his eyes strayed to the unconscious teenager, it seemed that his words were just words and nothing more.

How could he possibly hope for something that wasn't there?

"Can I tell you something Sam?"

Sam nodded. "Anything Shiro."

"How do you always have hope?"

"That's an easy one," Sam smiled softly. "I know that if I give into the negative feelings, my heart will only be filled with sorrow. Instead, turn it around."

"You already told me that."

"Well, you asked, and I delivered."

It wouldn't matter how much Shiro asked Sam about his secrets, because it would always be the same. But it seemed harder than he made it sound, or maybe Shiro needed more faith in Keith.

'Trust Keith'

"Ok," Shiro took in a deep breath. "I'll turn it around."

Sam only nodded as he glazed upon Keith's still form. He went over to look at Shiro but paused at the frown. "Is there more you want to discuss Shiro?"

"No, I'm just thinking about Lance."

"What about?"

"I haven't told him. Although to be fair, he's still unconscious, but I'm trying to formulate how to tell him."

It was common information that Lance and Keith had been dating for about a year. They were still madly in love with each other, and many said that it was quite cute. In fact, they were so close that they had decided to share a bedroom, as the beds were big enough for two. But there was quite a downside to all that.

Lance was very protective of Keith, and Keith was very protective of Lance. It was a two-way cycle, and it was quite miserable when one of them was injured.

Sam appeared to know that as he stood up. Facing Shiro, he gave a small pat on the shoulder.

"This is as far as I can help you. Good luck Shiro, I'll pray for Keith awakening."

"Thanks Sam."

"Anytime Shiro, I'm always here."

Chapter Text

Lance had known pain, as it was something he was very accustomed too. But it had always surprised him how wrong he was. He had taken bullet shots amongst many, gotten severe and harmless concussions. All of this not including all the other side injuries he had acquired over the last few months.

Though waking up was not always the most pleasant experience. His head pounded as Lance came too, his fingers gently gripping the white sheets. Moving one of his legs over an inch, he tested his head once more. It was a battle, but Lance was able to move it slightly to the left of his pillow. His body screamed for him to go back to that blissful heaven of warmness and tenderness, but he knew that time wouldn't stop for him.

Lance scrunched up his eyes before opening them, a white light immediately infiltrating his cornea. He blinked once more to get rid of the awful glare, but nothing soothed the pain. His body tensed from the sudden flood of light, as the monitors went wild next to him.

"Lance, calm down. Open your eyes." A voice soothed nearby.

He hadn't realized how his eyes had closed, nor that he was convulsing.

"He's having a seizure!" Someone cried out, its voice hurting his skull. His limbs were having a field day with movement, as he felt something holding his tongue down.

The convulsing stopped

Lance felt exhaustion seeping into his bones and planned to leave his body behind for others to find. But a voice tethered to his consciousness begging him to come back to her.

"Lance, please stay with us."

Its voice sounded teary, and weary with worry. Lance wanted to comfort it; he really did. But nothing was listening to his subtle commands. He wanted to hold it, and whisper sweet nothings to its soft voice, but the pain was making everything far more worse.

"How is he?" Another voice, far different from the first, reached his ears.

"He's stable, but they don't why he had a seizure. I'm worried."

"He'll be ok."

"I know. How's Keith?"

Lance perked up at the name of his lover, but also became worried about Keith's health. Keith had also crashed with the same velocity, goes forbid, even worse of a fall. He tried to open his eyes even more, but his body was still too weak with exhaustion.

"He's…I'm scared Veronica. Keith isn't showing enough brain activity that shows he'll wake up. I don't know what to do with myself."

"I'm so sorry Shiro. Though I know that Keith is a fighter, he wouldn't stop until he wakes up. But until then, don't forget that we are all here for you."

"Thank you, Veronica."

Keith might not wake up? Lance felt immediate desperation to wake up at that point, his lover was hurt, far more than him. He couldn't handle it if Keith didn't wake up, he might just die at that point. But his body told him otherwise.

'Gotta wake up'

'Keith is hurt'

'KEITH IS HURT'

'He might not wake up!'

'WAKE UP'

'WORK!'

No command worked or had any effect on his movements. Instead, it only aided his exhaustion, and eventually laid defeated when Lance was consumed by darkness.

VOLTRON

It took longer to come back to earth than Lance would've liked. The worry from before was still playing a key part in his awakening. He had to see Keith for himself, had to know that his lover was going to be ok in a larger sense.

Time went far too quickly, and death was imminent. Especially in their field of profession. But Lance had hoped for a few good years with Keith, that's all he asked. He would give anything for things to be alright, for things to go back to how they were.

But life was not as giving as he hoped

VOLTRON

Three hours was what it took for Lance to flutter his eyes open. His mouth was quite dry, with his whole body feeling like a spark in a fire. Lance was quite permanent in his bed at the time, though it was far from being comfortable.

It didn't take long for him to realize he was in the Garrison hospital wing. The familiar smell ran up his nose, the colors blending with his memories. Every room had the same structure, color, and anything that could've been named. It was generic and simple, just like the Garrison.

Lance hadn't been in the hospital wing as much, which was a good thing, but also left gaps. There had been only two times that he had been admitted to the hospital wing, though he couldn't remember one of those times. He had hit his head in the simulation and woke up a few days later with a severe concussion. The other time was less mild, only resulting in a sprained ankle that healed quite nicely.

But he was getting ahead of himself. Placing himself in the past wasn't going to fix his original problem of being stuck in his head. It took his whole body to respond to the people in his room, his muscles tensing up from the lack of movement.

"Lance?" A person to his left started to move towards him. They reached out their hand to touch his face, but he moved before they could.

It was instinct to move away from strangers, if space taught you one thing, it would be that. Space also taught the heart to pound no matter the situation, or maybe that was the war. Regardless, Lance still moved his head to the left.

"It's ok, Lance. I'm not going to hurt you." Their voice reached his ears, its sweet frequencies soothing his tense muscles.

The voice sounded strangely familiar, though Lance still couldn't place it to a person. He hesitantly brought his face to their hand. The hand cupped his cheek, bringing a new sense of comfort that he had known, but forgotten.

A name popped into his fevered mind

"Veronica?" His voice rasped out, clearly lacking hydration.

Veronica smile. "Welcome back to the land of the living. Do you need anything?"

Lance didn't need to reopen his eyes to picture her frowning. He opened his eyes a few times to eliminate the awful glare of the sun. Looking over, he saw the familiar frown he had known for many years.

"I'm fine. All I need is you." It was a sentimental statement, but it rang true. Being unconscious was exhausting, and quite lonely. Plus, Lance was naturally a social person, and often needed those interactions to stay stable.

"How about I do you one better?" His sister grinned. "Would you like to see the rest of the family?"

"They're here?"

"Every one of them."

"Then, yes!" He prepared himself for the bombardment as his sister went to open the door. Once the door was open, everyone came running in. And all worries of Keith immediately faded away.

Chapter Text

A broken touch

His lips against mine, his arm's encircling my waist. Calling my name with his sweet tongue, feeling weightless against the world. Wind flowing through my hair, easing my whole body to a fitful rest.

I am broken

I am nothing but darkness

Whispers call my name, plead me to wake up. But I'm nothing. I'm unreachable. My whole life story remembers him. Only him. And for that, the whispers only get louder. I'm darkness, I'm nothing but the cloth underneath me.

I'm a wisp to what I was

A fragment of a larger puzzle

His name, his wonderful name. I could say it all day, and he wouldn't hear me. I could lay my whole heart down, and he might never know. His hands, his lips on my own. A paradise. To something that I wish to stay in for all eternity.

I'm water

Forever moving, adapting to what was laid before me. My arms laid waste at the free-form of a limp body. To what I was.

Darkness is quiet

And seemly so inviting

Its warmth encompasses nothing but me, its attention anything but vacant. When it says my name, I don't notice. I'm floating, floating between life and death. To who I was and yet to be. My mind is separate, trying to know where I would rather ponder.

Maybe it's nowhere

Just as I've always been

A fighter until the end, a ponder for years beyond. I'm death, or at least that's what I've come to know. All I've yet to see. I'm time, floating between a choice I cannot make.

So maybe the larger question is as it stands

Who will wake me up from the impenetrable darkness?

Or is it me? Who has to choose this fate?

-0-

Lance spent enough time for ages, his family doing everything to keep up the facade of not being worried. It never worked. Finally, after a leisurely amount of time, he looked at his mother with a deep question.

"How's Keith?"

The question in theory was easy, simple to announce. But the look on his mother's face was anything but simple. A variety of emotions passed through her, sadness, anger, and weirdly enough, desperation. His mother never showed being desperate, she always said it was a low judge of character.

But now?

Something was terribly wrong

His mother lifts her eyes to the sky, holding back what looks like to be tears. Ok…now he knew something is wrong. Lance's mom never cried in front of others without good or devastating reasons.

"Lance querido, ¿qué tal si descansas un poco más?"

Was what she asked

"Mamá, dime ahora. ¿Qué le pasó a Keith?"

Was what he said

"Lance….dear…"

"Now"

His eyes pierced hers, having enough of playing her game. He had to know, had to go see. Keith had to be ok, he just had to be. Lance couldn't do this without him. Couldn't go another day without feeling his arms encircling his heart, pleading but holding it tenderly.

"Mom…."

3 words

That's all she said

Yet, it felt as if a sentence enough couldn't be more to break his heart

"Keith's half-dead."

Heart broken, tears streaming. Lance wasn't there anymore, his body a useless vessel in that moment. Running across the beach, feet stomping against the wooden floor. Lance sprouting a third head at Keith's adoration for him.

Heart beating, hand's trembling. Chest rising, sinking, rising, sinking. Tears of the salty afterlife mixing in with the desperation of his new one. Hands trembling, trembling, trem….

Darkness

Peace

But not in this one. No, this was agony, pure fire in his veins. Agony, wasted time. Flicking images of him, just him.

How was he such a big coward?

Afraid of losing the one constant thing in his life, the only love he'll ever retain. The pain ran deep down past his bones, he feared he could never truly live again.

He didn't hear the sobs coming from his own throat. "I….I want to see him."

Veronica walked up. "Lance, I-"

"I WANT TO SEE HIM!"

The anger came out of nowhere, just as his many emotions that day. It was briefly-fueled, but the amount was staggering. He didn't know if he could stop, didn't even care if he couldn't. Without Keith, he was nothing but an empty vessel.

His family looked at him, shocked. But understanding. They hadn't had much time with the black-haired boy, but they heard enough to fill textbooks. Keith was Lance, and Lance was Keith. Two souls only separated by a sheer force of a body.

Was there a light at the end of the tunnel?

Lance's mom and Veronica grabbed his arms, lifted him up carefully and led him to his room. Every step in the right direction meant another moment to pull away. Lance didn't know if he was ready. Didn't know if his broken heart could take it.

But he had to try

The moment his eyes landed on his stunning, but pale boyfriend. He broke, a dam being withheld no longer. Climbing into Keith's bed, avoiding the wires. Lance touched his face.

"Keith? Sweetheart?"

No response

Lance went higher. "Keith? Come on, wake up love. Wake up!"

Tears ran down his cheeks in streams, his throat closing up by the minute. He shook him, looked at him, pleading to wake up.

"Is…Is he gone?" His voice clipped. "Please don't….."

Veronica bowed her head. "We don't know."

No

Please no

Death, take anyone else. Anyone, please!

"No, no!" Lance gripped the bedsheets, laying beside the man he called life. "Keith, please. NO!"

His heart pounded in his chest, staring at all the wires. If one came undone…..if only one….

That's all it took

Lance laid beside him, breathing him in. He was darkness, he was time. Lance was none of those things.

"I need you Keith, I need you"

The room became enveloped by silence, for the dead. Nobody knew. Keith was breathing, but on what terms? And would it always stay that way? Lance wish he knew.

But for now

He was broken