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He never expected that the first words out of Chris’ mouth upon seeing each other for the first time in months is, “ What is on your face?”
It catches him off guard. It's not angry. It's sassy. It's his son.
“I am trying something?” he replies, “I guess I can put you into the nay votes.”
Chris just shrugs with a small smile before leaning back into their hug.
Something settles back into place in Eddie’s chest as he holds his kid. This kid who had shot up like a weed over the summer, as teenage boys seem to do. A moment passes before his own courage takes root and can ask, “Can we go to our lake, just you and me?”
And before the nerves can turn his stomach Chris grabs tighter and nods fiercely into his shoulder. He buries his nose in his son’s wild curls, breathing deep and kissing his head.
“Okay, I’ll pack us lunch. I love you kid,” he squeaks out just above a whisper, holds his breath, and it doesn’t come. He knows it will still take time.
“When are we going home?”
“I drove out here, so um, we can go whenever you’re ready. I just have to be back for work on Tuesday.”
Chris nods and slips down from the bed, pulling his suitcase out from underneath it.
An extreme market improvement from the painful attempt at a birthday party.
They pile into the rowboat together, cooler tucked underneath the seats. Eddie rowed them out to the middle of the lake, the late afternoon Texas sun bearing down on them.
Once they settled into a spot, each of them munching on a sandwich and sipping a soda. Between bites Chris speaks up.
“Can you tell me more stories about mom. From before me.”
Eddie smiles and remembers what it was like when it became real that your parents had a life before you. That the world didn’t begin the day that you were born. He thinks for a moment, memories playing through his head.
“You never told me that you were my age when you met her.” Chris shakes him out of the myriad of memories whirring past him.
The comment makes Eddie pause, he could have sworn he mentioned that, that and it hadn’t struck him that the fateful birthday party marked something significant. Realizations rush over him in this context. Chris really only knew as much as he had told him. That he had spared details, sugar-coated so that Chris could know his mother – what he had never meant to happen was that picture bleeding into his own subconscious. Maybe even protecting himself from the hurt that the relationship caused. Never wanting Chris to feel as though his existence was a source of regret or pain. What he knew was always true at the core is that he did and does love her. It has changed and evolved as any love does, but there were aspects that were maybe not the most healthy. Which is how he ended up here in the first place. How Chris ended up here, spending the summer away from home. And looking at his son, how young he is, how Eddie would burn the whole world down to protect him from any of what he himself went through. But maybe that wasn’t the most productive strategy.
“Yeah, I guess I never thought about it like that.” He bites his lip, waves of emotion roiling through his body. “I guess you are old enough to know more.”
So he tells Chris the whole story, the good, the bad and the ugly, within reason. How much he loved her. How they fought. The mistakes he made. The pain of losing her caused him. The pain that led him to the events with Kim. How he understood how that must have hurt Chris. How he has spent the time this summer that he wasn’t working, or in Frank’s office or doing some sort of therapy exercise trying to meet himself.
“Because Chris, I haven’t known me without expectations since,” he pauses, “even before I was your age. Being your dad is the greatest privilege of my life, but I didn’t realize I could be my own person outside of that, and other things, for a long time.”
“The mustache,” Chris responds with a smile spreading across his face, “You’re trying something.” He parrots Eddie's earlier words as if a puzzle piece is clicking into place.
“Yeah,” his voice cracks.
“I like it.”
For the first time Eddie notices something metallic glint from Chris’ neck, his hand instinctively landing on his breastbone as it had for the last several months. Chris’ eyes follow it there, and reaches into his shirt.
“I didn’t find it until two weeks after I got here. I didn’t wear it right away. Then for my birthday they showed me the photo album from when I was born, Abuelo told me about it, Grandma didn’t want to. He told me about how mom gave it to you. How she needed you to come home. How you promised.” he fiddles with the pendant, sliding it up and down the chain. “That’s when I knew I wanted to come home, I wasn’t ready yet, but that’s when I knew I would be someday. That if you could fight to come home, so could I.”
“God, kid.” he wipes a tear away with his thumb.
Chris looks serious for a moment, “Thanks for being my dad. I don’t know if I forgive you completely yet,” Eddie nods with understanding, “Thanks for telling me all of that. I know you would have never hurt me like that on purpose. Thank you for loving me enough to let me go and respecting my choice to go and figure it out a little bit by myself.” he’s staring at his shoes as he says it. And he sighs, it feels like something is both breaking and being repaired in the same breath. “Being a teenager is hard.” his voice is wobbling a little before he pitches forward gently into Eddie’s arms again. The boat rocks a little as it readjusts to the weight distribution.
“I know. Thanks for being my kid.” He buries his fingers in Chris’ curls, placing a kiss on his crown.
The sunset makes everything around them glow as the evening breeze whispers through their hair.
“You know, I have something to show you. Are you ready to get back to land?” Chris smiles and nods. Eddie rows them steadily to shore.
They dock not too far from the little picnic area underneath a Live Oak. Eddie circles the trunk, scanning the surface a few feet up, eyes catching what he is looking for.
“The night of our High School graduation we came out here and I spent hours on that,” he points to a S+E surrounded by a heart, it isn't elegant at all. Done with Eddie’s small swiss army knife that he had received for graduation. “I had no idea what I was doing, I got through the S and switched to our initials rather than full names. Your mom was patient, told me jokes the entire time.” He leaves out the part where they were slightly tipsy. He kneels down, “We also promised to come back someday no matter what happened in our lives,” he pulls out his knife and loosens up the dirt carefully. Chris stares at him a little, like he can’t believe that his dad would do something so brazen. He keeps digging around, fingers now covered in dirt and mud. He finally finds what he is looking for. Shannon’s old classic piggy bank. It had been the only thing they had that would last underground, Eddie had duct taped over the coin slot. He placed it on the picnic table. He wipes his hands on his pants, “You can keep it like that or we can open it, up to you.” Chris eyes it carefully then takes it in his hands, pulling at the plastic stopper on the bottom.
Of all the ways that Eddie had imagined the future that night, this was never one that had crossed his mind. That she wouldn’t be here. When they had been broken up briefly he had thought about coming back even if they had found different people along the way to someday. But never this.
Chris gently dumps the contents out. It’s mostly their collection of polaroids from throughout high school. One of Eddie smiling in his baseball uniform, Shannon’s arms slung around his neck, her head resting on his shoulder. There is one from when they had gone on a field trip, his face is barely visible from underneath his sweatshirt hood as he leans fast asleep against her shoulder, she has a soft smile on her face, attention split between him and whoever was behind the camera. There are ones from various dances and prom. Shannon’s dried corsage flower also tumbles out. And a worn friendship bracelet.
“She was my best friend for a long time. Attached at the hip. Always felt weird when we were apart, so she gave me this,” he picks up the bracelet, “So I could always have her with me. We put it in here because we thought that we wouldn’t be apart so much anymore.” it comes out soft and broken.
“You have me, so you will always have some of her around.”
“You have that part too,” he reminds Chris. “I love you so much.”
Chris lets out a small groan and rolls his eyes before leaning in, “Love you too Dad. Can we go home now?”
“We’ll start driving in the morning.” Eddie reassures him.
And they do. They drive together, Chris showing Eddie all his new favorite music, and telling stories about his friends. How much he did miss LA. Eddie tells him about the bees. And the harrowing plane rescue. They promise to talk about things more. They arrive home to balloons, and a repurposed banner welcoming Christopher home.