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It was hard to describe what the aftermath of Cursed Speech felt like. Even harder when one’s communication was limited to rice ball ingredients. Toge gave up on allowing his peers to understand his technique long before he even met them— it was a simple fact to him: no one would understand, unless they had experienced it.
His classmates were less convinced.
“Just tell me what it’s like!” Maki’s boots clattered noisily onto one of the unoccupied metal chairs beside her. Toge gave her a sidelong glance before taking another bite of his sandwich. Kiwi and whipped cream, a slightly less sugary take on the classic strawberry version. The soft crumb of the bread, moistened by the juice of the kiwi and the cream, was also easy on his throat. Toge had all but stopped eating crunchy food in recent months, a casualty of his increased skill level (and thus, usefulness for various missions).
He would usually avoid food without significant nutritional value, but there had been slim pickings at the conbini they had stopped at after their mission. The fluorescents above them crackled in and out every few minutes and there was an ominous dripping coming from somewhere, but the food was edible and cheap. They were lucky that there was at least indoor seating, neither of them wanting to make the trek back to Jujutsu High on an empty stomach. It was too short to warrant a driver but still a decent walk, arduous for already weary legs.
“C’mon, seriously,” Maki tried again, “It cannot be impossible to explain!”
Toge rolled his eyes. As an ally in combat, Maki’s persistence was one of her virtues, but when it came to everything outside of curses or fighting, her stubbornness could be taxing. He set down his sandwich and pulled out his phone, typing up a quick entry in his notes app and handing it to her.
how would you explain the color blue to a blind person?
Maki paused and, to Toge’s surprise, seemed to actually consider the question. She leaned back in her chair, legs tipping off the floor ever so slightly. Toge took full advantage of the momentary lull, managing a few more bites of the sandwich before he had to put it down. He liked the tangy flavor of kiwis, how they undercut the sweetness of the cream, but even their slight acidity was proving too much for his throat. He coughed wetly, grimacing as his mouth filled with the telltale taste of iron. He swallowed it down, wondering if there were any 24-hour pharmacies within walking distance. Toge supposed he could wait it out until he was back in his dorm. His lovely, cough medicine–filled dorm.
“I’ll get back to you on that, Inumaki.” Maki broke the silence with an answer that Toge had, in all honesty, not thought was coming, snapping forward in her chair so she was no longer dangerously tilted. Toge raised an eyebrow at her— the question’s answer was obvious: it was impossible. They would never understand a concept that they had no basis for. It was like trying to explain the third dimension to two-dimensional characters or perhaps if a mantis shrimp tried to describe the colors it could see to a human. Toge felt rather sympathetic to the plight of the mantis shrimp.
Luckily, Maki neglected to press the issue further; the two of them finished their meal and retreated back to campus. Toge could only hope that he had presented her with a problem that she would find too tiresome to solve.
Unluckily, Toge had, not for the first time and certainly not for the last, underestimated Maki’s tenacity. Even worse, she had looped Panda into the conversation.
“I have an answer for you.”
Toge stirred at the noise, eyes blinking away remnants of sleep. Two figures came into focus: Maki, standing with one socked foot on his bed and Panda behind her, looking somewhat confused. Maki was dressed in her pajamas, an oversized shirt with English lettering on it and shorts. Her hair was down and sticking up in odd directions, a sharp contrast from her usual put-together appearance. Toge wondered if she had come straight from bed to his room.
“Kelp?”
“Yes, hello to you too,” Maki waved him off, “Your question, ‘how do you explain blue to a blind person’, I have an answer for you.”
Toge gestured questioningly to Panda, who shrugged. “Maki told me to come here.”
“I thought it would be helpful in demonstrating to you that other people can understand what you’re going through if you just tell them.”
“Panda is a panda, not a person.”
“Panda…” Maki trailed off, pinching the bridge of her nose underneath her glasses. “Anyway. Can I sit?”
She sat on the edge of his bed before Toge could respond. Panda shuffled forward, scratching the back of his head with his claws. Toge made a frustrated noise but didn’t protest further, just scooching upwards so that he was propped up by his headboard.
“Close your eyes,” Maki instructed, folding her arms, “Seriously! Close ‘em.”
Toge sighed, but complied. Behind Maki, Panda also closed his eyes but peeked one open. Maki turned and glared at him and he complied quickly, covering his eyes with his furry hands.
“Blue is not just a color,” Maki began, “It’s also a feeling. A sensation. Blue is the feeling of jumping into an ice bath, the smell of the ocean. The sound of heavy rainfall or crashing waves. It tastes tart and sweet and refreshing, but not acidic. Blue is cold, blue is calm, but blue can also be magnificent.”
Toge opened his eyes.
“What do you feel?”
He raised his right hand, palm flat and facing towards him, and dragged his fingers from his chin to his ear in a quick, swift motion. Blue.
Maki grinned. “I told you. Your turn now.”
With a sigh, Toge turned and felt around on his bedside table for his phone. Maki and Panda stayed silent as he typed, leaving only the sound of fingers tapping glass and the occasional yawn as ambience. Eventually, Toge passed the phone to Maki, who began to read aloud.
“When I use my technique, it feels like my throat is being scalded and frostbitten. It’s too hot and too cold at the same time. But afterwards it is worse. In the moment there is adrenaline and I can ignore the pain, but when it’s over, I can’t ignore it anymore. Think about when you burn your tongue on hot coffee. It hurts for a bit but then it goes away. My throat feels like that all the time.”
Maki paused and looked up at Toge, concern displayed clearly on her face. He nodded for her to continue, sinking deeper into his pillows.
“Every time I eat or drink or swallow at all it is agony. It feels like knives in my throat. I taste blood all the time now because I cough it up so often. The throat medicine helps, but it still hurts. After some missions I cannot sleep for hours because it hurts too much to swallow my own spit. I still think that you cannot understand the full effect of my technique, but I should at least try to explain it. Maybe now you…”
Maki trailed off and looked back up at him before finishing the last sentence, “...can see how I feel.”
Toge bit his lip, shifting uncomfortably. He suddenly felt quite vulnerable and exposed, and not just because he was in his pajamas. Maki and Panda wore sympathetic expressions and he worried for a moment that they would press more, but instead, Maki leaned in and gave him a hug. Then she pulled away and smacked him upside the head.
Toge rubbed at the back of his head and shot her a confused expression, to which she just laughed. “Idiot. You could’ve said that a while ago. You’re right that we don’t fully understand, but now at least we know more.”
Panda, who had moved to the side of the bed, reached over and ruffled his hair. “Thank you for telling us, Inumaki.”
Toge smiled and motioned for Maki to hand his phone back. He typed something quickly on the screen and turned it around for them to see.
thank you for asking.