Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It all started with a little cough after a battle against some mercenaries. It was nothing new for them, everyone wanted them dead, but it was still a surprise. It had been a while since they had a street fight. They were more…refined now. Fighting dragons wasn’t even close to street fights. 

It was a dry, painful cough, but he was busier dodging the woman trying to stab him. When the fight was over he coughed again, but he associated it with some battle injury. Pike reached to him after healing the twins, who were the two who had taken the most blows. 

“Are you alright, Percy?” Pike asked, bringing his hand up to his arm, where the most noticeable wound was. A small stab wound. 

“Yeah, I'm fine.”

She healed him, the bright light forced him to look again. Suddenly, he coughed dryly again. 

“Are you sure?”

“Relax, Pike, I'll be fine” The gnome didn’t seem quite convinced, but she ended up muttering something  he didn’t quite understand, but eventually walked away.

Percy watched her turn to Scanlan, who had also been injured. The interaction was rather awkward, but it was fun to watch. He coughed again. Maybe he should let her- No. No. No. 

Being the only human made him the hardest to heal. He didn't want to tire Pike. He stood up with a sigh, coughed one last time and rejoined the group. He supposed the coughing would go away in time.

But it didn't go away. 

He noticed it again when he stood with Keyleth drinking at a bar while Grog and the others had a drinking contest. They had agreed not to let Keyleth drink, so he was keeping an eye on her. Then, the coughing returned, but this time it was accompanied by a small flower petal, but he didn't recognize the flower. 

“By the gods, Percy, did you just cough a flower?” she asked, worried. 

“A-Apparently?” he mumbled, confused. He shouldn't have tried the tea Keyleth offered him. 

“Maybe Pike should check on you.”

“No, I'll be fine.”

“I insist.”

“What's the matter, Kiki, you want me to leave so you can get drunk?” he said jokingly, as he wiped his mouth with his handkerchief, throwing the petal on the floor. 

“...Maybe” Keyleth muttered, with a guilty expression. 

“You're a terrible liar.”

They both laughed. It was a stupid subject. They didn't mention it again.

Each time the petals were more frequent. But that was it, he just coughed them and went on with his life. Was there much more that he could do? It couldn't get any worse, could it?

Yes, it could. And it did get worse.

As the weeks went by, the coughs became more frequent and even more painful. During a fight, a coughing attack caused him to miss several shots, which almost resulted in Vax's decapitation. Luckily, he was able to aim in between all the choking feeling and slightly blurred vision. After that fight, he received a cold stare from Vax, while Pike looked at him with concern. 

He was really, really sorry..

Chapter Text

The first time he noticed the blood, he was with... her. 

They were in the castle of Whitestone. It had been a hard day. Planning to defeat the dragons was draining, but at the moment, Percy only cared about Vex's reaction when he held a custom arrow, powerful and… Well, he had made it just for her. 

Vex smiled widely, taking the arrow. It was handmade, like all the gifts Percy gave her. She ran her fingers along the arrow carefully, admiring its beauty. 

“Oh my god Percy, it's beautiful!” She looked into his eyes as she ran her fingers over a small floral decoration. “This is...a bellflower? It’s my favorite flower! How did you know?” She looked up at him with that sparkling look, the one that made his heart stop. 

He hesitated a moment. 

He really had had to thoroughly interrogate the whole group to get that answer. He preferred not to ask Vax, as he still resented what happened at the Matron's tomb (he didn't blame him. He shouldn't forgive him. He didn't deserve it).

Scanlan wasn't a good choice either, as, winking at him, he had suggested a “deal”. He told him and Percy gave him a favor. And he'd rather not risk owing Scanlan a favor. 

Neither Pike nor Grog knew that. They looked at each other and shrugged surprisingly in sync. 

In the end, it was Keyleth who, somewhat, drunk and giggling, told him about how much Vex loved the bellflowers. She asked him why he asked the question, and he, slightly red, mumbled something, looked away, got up from the table and left.

“...I have my secrets.” He winked at her and she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. As she left the room, he followed her with his gaze.

That's when it all started.

Percy began coughing violently. He managed to make it to the bedroom bathroom, where he looked in the mirror and saw himself coughing up blood, and before long, vomit. 

He looked at the sink. There was only blood and... flowers. Several petals. There were lotus flowers, jasmines and mimulus, a small orange flower. And blood, lots of blood.

However, there was one detail he didn't notice. Among all the vomit of blood and stained flowers, there was a small bright blue petal. 

Truth be told, to say he panicked is an understatement.

Percy stared at the sink in terror. 

Oh, gods, no . He thought. That wasn't normal. Maybe he should ask Pike.... 

However, Percival de Rolo decided to remain silent. He didn't want to bother the team anymore. He didn't want to be a liability anymore. 

He had brought the group nothing but pain. First, the demon that almost killed all of them and, fuck, he killed Vex! And now this? No. He couldn't keep hurting them.

As the weeks passed, he felt everything getting worse. There were times when he was out of breath and felt like he was choking, the vomiting was more common, and the flowers were always accompanied by blood. Whatever he was suffering, it was killing him.

But instead of asking for help, Percival de Rolo chose the stupidest option. He decided to deal with the issue on his own. And that's how he ended up studying all the books about flowers he could find. 

Chapter Text

 Hanahaki. 

1. Male name.

The term Hanahaki comes from the Japanese word “hana” (flower) and “hakimasu” (to vomit). It happens when someone's feelings of love are manifested physically through the vomiting of petals and flowers, which can have meaning.

Percy stared at the page as if that would do anything. At that moment, he coughed again, a little blood and a bright blue bellflower stained the page. 

He sighed. He had survived torture, vampires, psycho witches and scientists, dragons... and this was what was going to end his life. His stupid shyness. 

He read the definition one more time. In short, he was in love. But he didn't know who was the person who seemed to own his heart. 

(Of course he knew who it was. He knew it perfectly. But she deserved something better. Something better than a stupid boy.)

He did a mental review. 

There weren't too many candidates.

It had to be someone from Vox Machina. He didn't think he had fallen in love with a stranger. 

...It could be Pike.

She was kind, sweet, and she cared and trusted him, despite the thousands of times he had shown them he wasn't worthy of this. All in all, they could be a potential couple. But there wasn't that spark that differentiated a good friendship from a crush. 

It could be- no , no way it was Scanlan. It just couldn't be. He hummed. A one-night “fling,” maybe. He'd heard him brag about his skills in bed, but had no desire to… “experience” them, honestly. He also dismissed Grog. He was like his big brother. 

Then he thought about Keyleth.

Keyleth and him were... curious together.

When the group found him, he was laying in a cell, his glasses broken and his coat in a lousy state. And somehow, they “adopted” him. It took the group a while to get used to him. At the end, he was a stranger to the group, someone who barely spoke and kept to himself everything. However, Keyleth was always there. When they ate and he stayed away from the table, she would always offer him a piece of her food. She always talked to him even when he didn't respond, and as the months went by, they really became friends. But he saw her as a sister. As one of his sisters, precisely.

Keyleth smiled, and he, for the first time in a long time, laughed.

“Holy shit. Did you just laugh? Did I make you laugh?” She looked at him, expectantly, and he had no choice but to smile at her.

Keyleth looked a lot like Vesper.

“Apparently,” Percy answered her. 

Keyleth was very important to him. Really.

Could he have fallen in love with Keyleth? Well, it had a certain logic. She controlled nature in someway, so it made sense that she would make him grow flowers, didn't it?

He thought about her for a while longer, but came to the conclusion that it wasn't the Ashari that had stolen his heart. He saw Vesper in her, his older sister, and that was what made her so special to him.

In the end, there were only two people left. The twins.

...Well. Vax'ildan first. 

Percy admired Vax. To him she was what he never knew how to be. He never turned away from his sister, always protected her, something he regretted not being able to do. He was brave and daring, but somehow he knew how to fit into groups.

But Vax would never forgive him for what he did to Vex.

“Percy wait-”

And suddenly, nothing. 

He didn't know what was happening. He'd touched the grave innocently. And it had killed her. Her. Vex’halia. He watched the scene, away from the group, as Vax cried, as they all cried. Because of him.

He took a step back, his eyes never leaving her body lying lifeless on the ground. 

Suddenly, he heard that voice again. The voice of the demon that had ruined his life.

“See? This is all your fault.” 

Percy couldn't look away from Vex.

“You destroy everything you touch, Percival. All the 'pretty' things end up broken because of you. You killed her, De Rolo.”

“She’s more than just a “pretty thing” He tried to answer, but he couldn’t speak properly. 

He felt the creature's (hand? Do demons have hands?) on his shoulder.

“All the trust you'd earned down the drain. Poor thing.”

The demon laughed.

And finally, after an agonizing time of waiting while Pike and Kash tried to resuscitate the woman, Vex breathed and Orthax vanished at last.  

When he saw her breathing again, the world stopped for him. 

All he wanted to do was to throw himself against her, kiss her and, in tears, tell her how much he loved her, stroke her hair gently and kiss her again, but he repressed the urge. He stood, watching her slowly get up. Percy hurried to help her. He didn't leave her side the whole way..Come on, he killed her. The best he could do is taking care of her. 

He sighed. What an idiot he had been.

Vax would never forgive him. He didn't deserve any forgiveness either.

Nor did he deserve Vex'ahlia.

“My heart belongs to someone else” Vex said, convinced, as she stabbed Saundor, who slowly fell apart. Once she was safe, Vax, Keyleth and himself rushed to her, trying to make sure she was okay. 

But Percy had something else on his mind.

“My heart belongs to someone else” That was exactly what Vex had said.

Who could it be?

Maybe...Keyleth? She was lovely, no doubt. Maybe Vex had fallen in love with Zahra again, or maybe there was someone he hadn't introduced to Vox Machina.

Maybe it was him. Maybe he was the one with Vex's heart.

There was no way. 

He didn't stand a chance. Vex was way out of his league. She was intelligent, sweet, lovely….She was perfect. And he was just…him. Nothing special .

He coughed violently, a bloody mimulus stained his coat. “Shit.” He hoped no one noticed the stain.

He went back over the list of people he might have fallen in love with.

Pike, no.

Scanlan, no.

Grog, no.

Keyleth, no.

Vax, definitely no.

And...

Someone was missing.

Her.

Vex'halia.

Vex was everything to Percy.

Everything.

“Darling, take off the mask” Vex whispered, carefully placing her hand on his cheek and dropping the mask.

Percy was crying. He didn't want to hurt her. But the demon didn't let him put down the gun. Was she even real? It could be a trick...

It wasn't the first time Orthax had tried to fool him with her. Sometimes he had seen her in dreams, dreams of all kinds.

There were times when Percy doubted what he was doing. Did he really deserve to sacrifice everything for revenge? He had a new family. Maybe he could-

And the same night he had those thoughts, the nightmares came back. The Briarwoods, murdering his family in cold blood, his brothers and sisters dead, Cassandra falling, hit by arrows and... in that dream there was something different.

Usually, these ended after the image of Cassandra falling down to the ground, hit by arrows, bleeding, dying... This time, however, the dream continued. 

He saw himself in his workshop, working on some project. At that moment, he heard the door open, and a woman entered.

…Vex'halia?

It was the first time she had appeared in his dreams.

Vex approached him, and murmured something to him that he did not understand. However, she spoke to him in a sweet tone, which made him feel loved. He turned to get up from the chair and... kiss her? He had a strange urge to kiss her.

However, he could not fulfill that urge.

Suddenly, a dagger slashed the neck of the half- elf, who tried to lean on him for some kind of help. He looked at her, terrified, paralyzed.

And when Vex fell to the ground, dead, there she was.

Anna Ripley.

She killed her. 

She killed Vex.

She killed Vex.

Revenge burned inside him again.

But finally, Vox Machina, his new family, managed to separate the demon from him.

He smiled slightly as he remembered those dreams. They were finally gone, though the nightmares of Vex'halia's death still haunted him.

Vex'halia...

He coughed violently again, feeling thorns tear his throat, and he spitted blood again. Shit, how he hated those sudden attacks. He struggled to get on his feet and, in the bathroom, vomited again. Again, the typical flowers, but this time he noticed something. The bellflower.

The bellflower is Vex's favorite flower....

Oh.

He coughed again. 

“Percy, are you all right? I heard-”

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Keyleth.

“Yes!” He coughed violently, spitting up quite a bit of blood. He was shaking. “Don’t worry, I'm fine...”

At that moment his legs failed him. He fell to the ground, where several flowers were laid. He was about to faint, and his vision was blurry. He could only distinguish the blood and the flowers.

“Percy, what was-” The Ashari entered the room.

“Keyleth...” muttered Percy, his mouth and the collar of his shirt completely stained with blood.

“FUCK!” The half-elf ran to him, grabbing him by the shoulders. “Wh-what-what the hell is this, Percival?” 

That's when she noticed the flowers.

“...This is Hanahaki...”

He could barely nod before he threw up again, several yellow chrysanthemums falling to the ground, staining Keyleth’s suit too. Keyleth looked into his eyes. They were watery. Throwing up flowers that sometimes had thorns on them was destroying him, both outside and inside. 

“ Percival, why didn't you say this before? How long have you been like this? A person with Hanahaki doesn't last long, and this, without a doubt, is already an advanced case” She muttered, panicking.

“I... I didn't want to disturb you...”

“You'd rather die than ask for help?!

“Something like that...”

That was the last thing he could say before he lost consciousness altogether, fainting and falling against Keyleth.

Chapter Text

...Vex'halia?

“No, idiot. It's me.”

“Cassandra?”

His sister looked at him, clearly exhausted. 

“Surprise, yes. It 's me. Keyleth brought you here after you passed away. She explained everything to me. So Hanahaki, huh? The disease of the stupid lovers.” 

Percy tried to sit up, but a dry cough made him lay again. He looked at his hand. Blood. It hadn't gotten any better.

“Keyleth felt that instead of forcing you to confess we should have a talk. You're lucky, if it had been me, I would have locked you up with Vex until you two talked. Yes, he told me about Vex, even though it was pretty obvious.”

He chuckled lightly. His throat was sore.

“So, Vox Machina knows I'm here?” 

He asked, a bit worried. 

“Don't worry, little brother. Keyleth told them that something had come up with the dragons and that your presence was required. They don't know anything about you being on the verge of death because you can’t confess to the girl you’re head over heels for.” She explained.

He looked around. It was his parents' old room. It was incredible that the Briarwood's had kept it as it was.

“But seriously now, brother.” Cassandra looked him in the eyes. “I've already lost all my siblings. I don't want to lose you too because you're afraid to talk to a girl” She was being sincere. I could see it in her eyes.

“...I'll try” He muttered, unconvinced.

“No. You won't try. You will, "she said, dryly.

“All right, all right, I will.” He managed to stand up, and kissed her cheek. “Don’t worry about me, Cass.” He got his coat. “I’ll be fine”

She wasn’t really convinced.

------

That same afternoon he was already back with Vox Machina.

He already planned everything. He would try to talk to the rest of the group as little as possible. He was quick with lies and excuses, so it shouldn’t be a problem. Then he'd find Vex, pull her away from the group, and tell her. And that was it. If she said yes, fine.

If she said no...

He shook his head, avoiding the thought. He had nothing left to lose. 

He went into the living room, where they stared at him. He didn't look good, lately he couldn't sleep because of coughing, so he had big dark circles under his eyes.

“Fuck, De Rolo, you look bad, what the hell was that meeting about?” Scanlan asked her, in his usual tone. Keyleth was quite uncomfortable, clearly worried, but she didn't dare say anything to Vex, who was also looking at him with the same expression. 

“Oh, it was nothing interesting. It would bore you. Don't worry. It's just that I've been having a hard time sleeping lately” He preferred to evade the subject.

“Last time you had trouble sleeping you were possessed by a demon” Pike replied, frowning.

He chuckled. “Relax, Pike. I'm fine. It's just the stress of everything that's been going on lately.”

Pike sighed but relented. Scanlan shrugged and returned to his discussion with Grog. He crossed eyes with Keyleth, who pointed at Vex with her gaze. 

He took a deep breath and approached her.

“Vex'ahlia, could we talk? I need to tell you something.”

Need?? That sounds so desperate. You're ruining it, De Rolo.

She smiled slightly.

“Sure.”

She got up from the table and followed him. They went for a walk in the woods. He opened the door for her, to which she responded with a giggle.

Fuck, are you serious, you open the door for her? What are you, one of those rich aristocratic gentlemen? Bet she hates you now. Did you see her smile? She's uncomfortable! You don't stand a chance.

He wished he could quiet those voices.

“Well, what did you need?” she asked when they had already been silent for a couple of minutes. 

It was now or never. 

“Uh- I... Vex'ahlia I have to tell you something. I… I’ve developed some-”

A cough

“Sorry, I was saying-”

Another cough. Not now, please.

“I-”

He began coughing violently, as Vex looked at him in terror. His legs failed him, and coughing, he fell to the ground. He vomited up the same blood-stained flowers. The yellow chrysanthemums, the mimulus, the jasmine... and a single bellflower.

“Gods, Vex'halia, I'm so sorry...” 

He muttered, between coughs, as his gloved hands became stained with the blood he coughed up. Vex looked up at him with wide eyes. She crouched down in front of him, who had fallen to his knees, as she picked up the blue flower.

“Bellflowers…. Percival, this is Hanaha-”

“Hanahaki. I know. I've had it for… quite a while.” He murmured, trying to wipe the blood off his mouth. 

“Why... Why didn't you tell us? Why didn't you tell me?” she whispered.

“I...”

There would be no other time. He had to do it now. 

“Because I'm in love with you. These flowers are because of you. But... I knew perfectly  that it would never be reciprocated.” He muttered, looking away as he tried to wipe the blood from his mouth.

“So you decided... to simply die ? You'd rather die than tell me?” she asked slowly.

“Well... Why would anyone love me?” He asked. 

She slapped him, and then she hugged him.

“Fuck you, De Rolo. I don't know how you're so fucking stupid.” She had tears in her eyes.

Oh, those beautiful eyes... Percival was already rambling.

Vex put her hands on his cheeks, making him look at her. “Darling...Trust me. You are worthy of being loved. What made you think I would reject you if you confessed?”

“E-excuse me?” He was confused. “You said your heart already belonged to someone and-well, I thought that-”

She laughed lightly, wiping away tears. “My heart is yours, Percival.”

“Yes, but-” He went silent. “W-what-what-did you say?” 

“I said that you're an idiot. A complete idiot. And that I'm madly in love with you.” She finished, and before she could react, Percy leaned in and kissed her.

It was a soft kiss, the kiss of a man who has been craving it for a long time now, but at the same time it had passion and hunger. When they finally broke apart, Percy could feel how- he could...Breathe. It no longer hurt. He could no longer feel the flowers. Well-

He coughed once more, but only a small petal fell. He looked up at her.

“Vex'ahlia... you don't know how long I've been wanting this.”

She smiled, slipping her arms behind his head.

“I love you too, silly.”

Just as they were about to kiss again, a voice was heard.

“FINALLY!” It was Scanlan…Fuck.

“Shut up!” whispered Pike, as Keyleth, also hiding in the bushes, stood up and waved. 

“Heyyy...!” she muttered, uncomfortably, ”We were just... well...” She giggled, flustered, while Vex was completely red. If Percy wasn't so happy, he probably would have fainted by now, completely embarrassed.

“You guys took a long time. Good thing Vax didn't come, he wouldn't have liked the scene.” 

Scanlan simply said, followed by Pike, coming out of “hiding” as well.

“Gee, good thing you were 'completely fine', Percival.”

Pike approached him, somewhat annoyed. 

“Whenever I asked you if you needed healing you always refused, saying you were fine. And you had a near-fatal disease! Next time, no matter how minor the issue is, let me heal you.”

He smiled at Pike.

“I promise,” he said sincerely.

She pretended to frown, but soon after she laughed. Percy ruffled her hair playfully, as he used to do with his younger siblings. 

As Keyleth, Scanlan and Pike walked away, whispering something probably related to them, Percy turned and looked at Vex once more. 

“We should go back, dear” He murmured, stroking Vex's hair.

“Maybe we could stay a while longer.” She answered him.

They both laughed, and this time she was the one who started the kiss.

“I love you, Vex'ahlia.” He murmured. 

“I love you too, Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski of Rolo III” she replied. 

Percy smiled. It felt good to breathe again.