Chapter Text
“Your soulmate is not someone who comes into your life peacefully. It is someone who makes you question things, someone who changes your reality, someone that marks a before and after in your life. It is not the human being everyone has idealized but an ordinary person who manages to revolutionize your world in a second. ” — Unknown
The first time Nick Nelson dreamt about his soulmate, he was seven years old. He couldn’t see what they looked like or hear them talking. He just knew that his soulmate was there and that their heart talked to his heart. He told his mum about it, of course, because he told her everything. But David overheard and made a nasty comment about it being his imaginary friend and that he’s a mummy’s boy, starting a row with Mum. By the time the dust settled, with David slamming his door and Mum taking her cup of tea out in the garden with a heavy sigh, the dream was all but forgotten.
The next time Nick dreamt of his soulmate, he was ten. Once again, he couldn’t see any distinct features, but this time he saw a vague outline standing next to him. The only thing he could latch onto was that his soulmate was smaller than him. They didn’t talk, but he felt the connection pulse between them regardless. It was warm and comforting and made him very happy. He told his mum again, but made sure David was nowhere around before he did. She smiled and told him it’s nice that he’s dreaming about a future soulmate. She didn’t realise that he’s talking about his actual soulmate, not some generic idea of one, but he didn’t correct her. There really wasn't much to tell about them anyway. Soon after, Nellie pawed and borked at him to play and he put it out of his mind yet again.
By the time Nick was thirteen, he was having lots of a new kind of dream and hadn't really thought about his soulmate in quite a while. So it came as a bit of a surprise when he found his dream self standing by the sea, water lapping at his toes, with an indistinct figure at his side. He knew instinctively that this was his soulmate because their heartbeats synced up and he felt a warmth flood his whole body.
He turned to them and tried to make out their features, but it’s like someone had taken an eraser to them. All he saw was smudges and very faint hints of colour. Once again, his soulmate was shorter than him, but not by all that much. They were slighter than he was and if he squinted really hard, he thought they maybe had dark hair? He might have been making that up though.
He tried to speak but found he couldn't. Instead, he concentrated as hard as he could and thought “hi” at his partner. There was a pause, then he felt “hi” wash across his skin, rather than hear the word out loud. He felt a deep sense of peace before he was jarred awake by his alarm clock. He woke up with a smile on his face.
He had never heard anyone talk about seeing their soulmate in their dreams before they met. He considered mentioning it to his mates, but that felt… unsafe, somehow. The only time the lads said anything about girls, soulmates or not, it was usually suggestive and vaguely disgusting. He twisted and bent himself to fit in sometimes, but he vowed never to talk about his soulmate, or about anyone, that way. Lots of people dated other people before they met their soulmate and if Nick did, he would speak to them and about them with respect. His mum has raised him to be considerate, and besides, it was just the right thing to do.
He sometimes felt like he didn't fit in with his friends. It might be more accurate to say a lot of time? He wasn’t sure how to make other friends, though. He spent all his time in school or playing rugby. There wasn’t much time for anything else. He stuck with his rugby mates because it was easy, even if it didn’t feel all that good sometimes.
The weeks turned to months turned to years and before he knew it, he was fifteen. He’d been eager to dream of his soulmate again, but it hadn’t happened in a long time.
A few weeks after his last soulmate dream, he went to a school disco and ended up kissing a pretty girl called Tara. It was nice but he didn’t feel fireworks or anything. He could see himself being friends with her, but they went to different schools and would probably never see each other anyway.
At the annual family Christmas party, David slipped him a few sips of beer. He and David still didn’t get on, but David had gone off to uni by now, and seemed like slightly less of a dick with distance and time apart. They even laughed together a couple of times. It was weird, but he appreciated it anyway. By the time he collapsed into bed late that night, he was feeling fuzzy and a little wobbly. He fell into a deep slumber almost immediately.
He was by the sea again, but there were more details this time. In addition to the ocean waves lapping at the sand, he was aware of seagulls in the sky and the vague chatter of people off in the distance. He turned, hoping to get a clearer look at his soulmate, but what he saw nearly stopped his heart. His soulmate was once again blurred out, but this time the outline around them was dark and swarming like angry bees. His soulmate was hunched in on themselves and looked small and miserable. Nick tried to reach out, to hold them and comfort them, but the distance between them stayed the same, no matter how hard he tried to reach out and touch them. He desperately tried to send a mental “hi”, but he knew that the message wasn't going through.
His heart was aching in his chest, feeling his soulmate’s anguish and his own inability to help. He tried to call out, but as usual, no sound came out. Just as he felt he couldn’t take any more of the pain, his soulmate faded out of existence and Nick woke with tears streaming down his face.
Early the next morning, he found his mum sitting at the kitchen table. She looked up with a smile and offered a cheerful “Good morning, Nicky!” but her smile fell when she saw Nick’s face.
“Nicky, baby, what’s the matter?” she said. When Nick didn’t say anything, she got up from the table and came around to hug him. As soon as his mum’s arms encircled him, Nick dissolved into sobs. She swayed them slowly from side to side, rubbed soothing circles on his back, until he was finally able to calm down.
She leaned back enough to look into his eyes and wiped the tears off of his cheeks.
“Why don’t you sit down. I’ll make you a cup of tea and then we can talk, yeah?” she asked gently. Nick nodded and she bustled over to the kettle.
A few sips of the hot beverage did Nick some good and he took a deep breath when she asked if he was ready to talk.
“I feel like I have to go back a bit. Do you remember me telling you that I dreamt about my soulmate when I was a kid?” he asked.
She looked a little puzzled, but nodded.
“It’s happened a few times since then,” he informed her. “And before you say anything, it’s not a generic “soulmate”, it’s my soulmate. I feel it in my heart and in my soul. It’s them.”
Sarah regarded him carefully. She must have seen sincerity because she nodded and said, “OK. Go on.”
“The first time it happened, I couldn't see them or hear them. It was more like our souls talked to each other, and I just knew,” he explained. “Every time it’s happened since, there’s been a little more detail. The last two times, we’ve been at the sea.” He paused to sip his tea, collecting his thoughts.
“The last time, I mean before last night, I think I was 13?” he said, considering. “It’s only happened a couple of times, many years apart. But when I was 13, we were at the sea for the first time. I could hear the waves, but nothing else. When I looked at them, all I could see was a smudgy outline. Like a silhouette?”
He looked up and Sarah nodded to keep going. He took another fortifying sip of tea, then continued.
“I could see that they were a little shorter than me, and definitely a smaller build. And maybe dark hair, but it’s hard to say for sure. I still couldn’t talk to them, but I concentrated really hard at sending a greeting to them,” he told her, staring down at the table in thought. “I swear, I felt them say “hi” back! And I do mean feel , like, it washed all over me, not like I heard it in my head or anything.”
He looked up at his mum, half fearing she was looking at him like he’s crazy, but she just looked interested and concerned.
“It was really nice, that time,” he explained with a gentle smile. “I felt more connected, like the bond was more…real. It felt like progress with these dream meetings, like each time it would happen, we’d get to see more of each other.”
A shudder ran through Nick when he thought of last night’s dream. His eyes welled up with tears again and he looked into his mum’s kind eyes for the next bit.
“I dreamt about them again last night,” he said quietly. “At first it was great. I could hear more this time, like seagulls and people having fun in the distance. It was almost like tuning into a TV show and the sound getting clearer, if that makes any sense?”
Sarah nodded and Nick braced himself for the hard bit.
“But when I turned to my soulmate…” Nick’s breath hitched. “It was like before, with just an outline and the blurry middle, but Mum, the outline was all dark and scratchy. It was moving in frantic movements, like someone was drawing angrily around them. And they were in so much pain!”
He couldn't help it and the tears began again.
“I tried to reach out to them but I couldn’t reach them,” he said, helplessly. “I tried sending them “hi” again, but I just knew it wasn’t getting through. I could feel how sad and upset they were. But there was nothing I could do to help them. And then….then they just faded out, and I was standing on the beach, all alone.”
“Oh, baby,” Sarah said soothingly. She got up and came around the table, before sitting in the chair next to him. She wrapped him up in her arms again and let him cry.
He finally calmed and asked her, “Have you ever heard of people dreaming about their soulmate? I mean, not just generically, but like, actually meeting them in their dreams?”
“No, Nicky, I haven’t,” Sarah replied, “but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Maybe it does but it’s rare enough that you don’t hear about it?”
“Maybe,” Nick responded, deep in thought. “I know it sounds ridiculous, but I promise, I know it’s them. My heart knows it’s them.”
“I believe you, sweetheart,” Sarah said soothingly. “Maybe you could look it up online and see if it’s happened to anyone else?” she suggested.
That seemed like the best idea. Nick did love a good Google session. “Yeah, I’ll do that,” he replied. “I just wish I knew how to find them and help them. They’re hurting so much.”
All Sarah could do was hold him tight and give him as much comfort as she could.