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Buck huffed as he ran down the long hallway, finally spotting the blonde hair of the doctor he was told to find. “This is what you needed, right?” He thrust a large blue ice box her way.
The doctor raised a perfect eyebrow, dropping her clipboard to her hip as she looked Buck up and down warily and gently opened the lid of the box, peering inside. “Oh! And you have a human heart… why?”
He huffed and gestured to himself from chest to toe. “Uh, I’m a firefighter? I ran here just for that. Thought you were in urgent need?”
“And you just happened to have one spare? Where’s the rest of your team?”
“Back at the station. Dropped me off on the way, didn’t need all of us for a delivery,” Buck replied with a shrug. “Didn’t anyone call ahead and tell you that a donor died?”
“Yes, but not that it was going to be delivered like…” She trailed off with a sigh, giving him a tight-lipped smile as she took the box from him and her eyes flitted over his nametag. “I’ll take your word on it, Firefighter Buckley. Thank you.”
“No problem,” he grinned, waving at her and the heart before skipping off towards the elevator. It began to close just as he rounded on it and he broke out into a sprint, reaching out for the door as he yelled, “Hold the door!” A hand broke through the slim gap, effectively holding the door in place, and Buck had only a second to realise he knew that hand before it was too late. “T-Tommy… uh, hey!”
Tommy’s eyebrows jumped up in surprise. “Buck.” Despite the evident surprise on his face, his voice was monotone as if they’d never been more than acquaintances. And hearing him call him by his nickname again hurt more than he thought it would. It felt like a stab to the heart.
Glancing between Tommy and the door, Buck jabbed his thumb over his shoulder. “You know what, I’ll just… get the next one.”
Tommy shot him one of his classic are-you-for-real looks, tilting his head to the side as his lips thinned. “Buck, we’re both adults. It’s fine. We can stand in the same elevator for a few seconds.” He had a point, Buck realised. He always had a point.
Any hope that someone else would join and be their buffer was crushed as the doors slid shut with a soft thud. Buck squeezed his hands into fists, the rough edge of his nails embedded in his palm almost comforting as it distracted him from Tommy’s presence momentarily. From the corner of his eye, he could see that Tommy was glancing between him and his phone periodically, typing away to someone. A flush ran up his neck. Was he checking him out?
As if reading his mind, Tommy cleared his throat and said, “I’m not checking you out.” A beat, his mouth creasing with worry. “Just… is everything okay? You being at the hospital in your work uniform is never a good sign.”
Buck looked down at himself. “Oh! Yeah, no, yeah everything’s fine. No one’s hurt, I mean. I was just dropping off a heart. So I guess… I guess he was hurt. He died. But no one from the team is dead, I mean. Just that poor donor guy… who died.”
“Oh…” Tommy opened his mouth, clearly wanting to ask more, but stopped himself, shaking his head with a small laugh. Buck’s heart skipped a beat–he never thought he’d hear that sound again. “Y’know what, not even gonna ask. That’s a very… you thing, Evan.”
Evan. He called him Evan. Just like he used to. Back before…
Shaking away that thought, Buck squinted at him. “What? Dropping off a heart?” And then it clicked. It really was a him thing. “Yeah,” he chuckled. “‘Suppose you’re right.”
“Always am.” Tommy cringed the moment the words left his lips. “I didn’t mean…”
“I know.”
“I…”
Buck gave him a pained smile. “I know, Tommy.”
“Yeah,” Tommy sighed, avoiding his eyes now. Then he glanced at the door with a confused look. “Shouldn’t we be on the ground floor by now?”
“Huh?”
“We were only on floor five. Doesn’t take this long to get down there.”
A jolt of worry hit Buck as he realised he was right. Again. “Do you think we’re stuck?”
Tommy pocketed his phone and stepped toward the door, his arm brushing up against Buck’s causing a flustered Buck to duck his head to the side, and jammed his finger against a few buttons. “Hope not. Could be a technical issue.”
“Could be,” Buck replied, taking a quiet step back so that their arms weren’t touching anymore. He couldn’t deal with it–having him right there, so close he could feel his warmth, and knowing he couldn’t reach out and hold him. Or kiss him. It was a nightmare. Worse than a nightmare, really, because he knew he’d never wake up from this one. “Old hospital, old elevator. Probably don’t clean the doors as much as they should. Or the chains holding us up.” He leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest to further the distance between them. “Are we stuck between floors?”
“Looks like it,” Tommy replied, peering through the tiny gap between the doors, drumming his fingers against the stainless steel door. “I can see people outside but I think we’re just below the first floor. Think I should bang on the door?”
“Or you could just press the help button.”
“You think I haven’t tried that, Buck?”
“Oh, it’s back to being Buck now?”
Tommy turned on him. “What?”
“You called me Buck, then Evan, and then Buck again.”
“I thought you liked being called Buck?” Tommy asked, but Buck could tell he knew that wasn’t the point he was trying to make. He was deflecting.
“You know what I mean, Tommy. I mean, who else have I let call me Evan? Huh?” He let the question hang in the air for a moment. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
“Now’s not the time, Evan.”
“You don’t get to call me that anymore.”
Buck regretted the words the moment they left his mouth, hurt flashing across Tommy’s face. He wished he could take it back, rewind time so that he never said those words. But if he could rewind time, he’d go back to before he got into this stupid elevator so that he could take the stairs instead. Maybe then he wouldn’t have that horrible pit in his stomach that he’d spent months overworking himself and baking to fill.
But why stop there, he realised. If he could go back in time, he’d return to when Tommy walked out of his apartment for the last time, back to when he broke Buck’s heart. He’d reach out for him or yell as he left--anything to make him stay. Anything to prevent the pain he’d been feeling.
Or maybe he’d go back to the very start, right to their first date. Instead of making a fool of himself, he’d talk about Tommy. Learn more about him. Talk about past relationships. Get everything out in the open.
But Buck knew that Abby wasn’t the real reason they’d broken up, even after he’d spent months blaming her and everything else under the sun. She was the catalyst. Everything after that revelation had been Buck and Tommy’s doing. In the end, there really wasn’t anything that could be done.
“Right,” Tommy nodded. “Buck it is. Not like it matters much once we’re outta here.”
Buck didn’t want to let him know how much that hurt.
***
“Is anyone coming?” Buck asked, checking his phone again. “What if we’re stuck here forever?”
Tommy shot him a look. “We’ve been here for forty minutes, Buck, not years.”
“Feels like years,” Buck grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Everything must feel like years to that hyperactive brain of yours,” Tommy replied, and even though it seemed like it was an insult there was a flicker of a smile across those beautiful lips of his. When Buck didn’t smile back, however, instead choosing to tilt his head in confusion, trying to figure out how he was supposed to react to that, Tommy smiled wider. “That was a joke, Buck. I was joking.”
“Oh.” Buck nodded, more to himself than Tommy. “Didn’t think we were at the joking-around stage yet.”
“We can be at any stage you want to be.”
Hope flared in Buck’s chest. “What–”
“Not like that. I mean… I know we said all that stuff earlier but… we can still be friends, right?”
Buck stepped closer, eyes scanning over Tommy’s face. “I thought you didn’t want that.”
“What makes you think that?”
“You walked out on me, Tommy. Told me I was gonna break your heart and leave you right back at square one. If you think that, why would you wanna be friends?”
“Buck–”
“If you like me so much that thinking I’m gonna be the reason you’re miserable and alone, then how would you be able to stomach watching me possibly finding someone else to love?”
“...Love?”
“Yes, Tommy. Love.” He took another step closer, dropping his arms to his sides. “I asked you to move in with me Tommy and you left me in the dirt. You didn’t even let me say anything. You just… threw everything away. You threw me away.”
“Ev– Buck.” Tommy’s face looked the same as it had that fateful day, twisting in fear and disappointment. He was scared. He was so scared and Buck just wanted to pull him into a hug and never let him go. Wanted to protect him from the world. From himself. “I didn’t… That’s not… I just…” He dropped his head, closing his eyes to steady himself. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“But you did.” Buck took his final step closer so that they were inches apart. He could feel Tommy’s breath on his chest. It was all too much. “And in the process you hurt yourself too.”
“I know,” he whispered, risking a glance up. “I thought it was for the best.”
“And now?”
“Now…” Tommy’s eyes met Buck’s. “Now I don’t know. I just… I don’t know.”
Buck slowly raised his hand, cupping Tommy’s cheek softly and brushing the pad of his thumb against his sharp cheekbone. Tommy sighed and leaned into the touch as if he’d been expecting it. “Tommy…”
And suddenly their lips were crashing together. Buck’s racing mind quietened as he let out a soft moan, pushing closer so that their bodies were flush. Tommy, despite being hardly an inch taller than Buck, towered over him, his large hands and warm fingers sliding into his hair and across his lower back. They stumbled backward, Tommy’s back hitting the wall-length mirror with a thud.
“I missed this,” Buck whispered against Tommy’s lips when he pulled back for a hit of oxygen. And God, he did. He really, really did. More than anything in the world. “I missed you.”
Tommy hummed and kissed him again, harder this time. Deeper. Enough to shut him up, keep him quiet. In the back of Buck’s mind, he knew that was exactly why he’d done it. Knew Tommy couldn’t risk talking right now or else he’d say something he’d regret. A part of Buck wanted to pull back and ask how he really felt but the other part of him, the part that completely stopped thinking at all and just wanted Tommy’s warm body against his, kept him from pulling away.
Warm hands tugged Buck’s shirt from his pants and teasing fingers slid under the fabric, drifting up over his stomach and hips. He didn’t know he could miss a specific touch so much. Buck slid his own hands up to Tommy’s shoulders and held as tightly as he could, scared he’d suddenly disappear on him again. They laughed into each other’s mouths, lost in the moment.
Tommy’s deft fingers sailed up Buck’s shirt, tugging at the buttons as if they’d personally offended him. A clatter on the ground made him pull back from the kiss and look down, Buck following his eyeline to see that one of his buttons was sliding across the dusty floor. “Oops,” Tommy said, voice deep with lust and not apologetic in the slightest, and crashed his lips to Buck’s again. “My bad.”
“You gotta replace that,” Buck breathed against his lips.
Tommy groaned into the kiss. “It was one button. Be quiet.”
Buck couldn’t argue with that logic. He trailed a hand down Tommy’s firm chest and landed at his belt, unbuckling it with one hand. It came loose and a surge of excitement overcame him and he laughed again, dropping his hand to Tommy’s bulge and relishing in the sound he made into the kiss.
A creak drew Buck’s attention and he pulled back with a sharp intake of breath, coming face-to-face with a startled Chimney peering down through the half-open doors. It was silent for a second as they stared at each other, the elevator filled with Buck and Tommy’s heavy pants, and another creak ripped through the air as the doors slid completely open.
Four pairs of eyes found his and Buck smiled awkwardly. “Oh, uh… Hi, guys.”
Hen raised her eyebrows, shooting a look between Buck and Tommy. “Guess this means we don’t have to hear you whining about Tommy dumping you again?”
Buck flushed even more. “I wasn’t whining!” He said, at the same time as Tommy let out a defensive gasp of “I didn’t dump him!”
Chimney placed a wedge between the doorway to prevent it from sliding shut. “Yes, you were whining, and yes, you dumped him.” He glanced between Buck’s bare torso and Tommy’s dangling belt with a grimace. “Guess we came at the right time, huh?”
“A couple more minutes would have been nice,” Buck retorted, pulling away from Tommy and buttoning up his work shirt half-heartedly.
Eddie groaned, face flaring in disgust, and waved a dismissive hand as he walked away from the elevator. “Didn’t need to think about that.”
“C’mon,” Bobby chuckled, reaching down for Buck’s hand. “Let’s get you two outta there and… somewhere else.”
Hen snorted. “I heard there’s a storage room in this hospital where the doctors… y’know… if y’all want us to give you some peace.”
Chim turned to Hen as Bobby lifted Buck out of the elevator. “And you know that how?”
“Don’t ask questions you don’t wanna know the answer to.”
Now it was Chim’s turn to look at her with a mix of disgust and fascination. “You amaze me sometimes.”
“That’s what Karen said when–”
“Alright, alright,” Bobby interrupted, clapping Buck on the back and reaching for Tommy, who was buckling up his belt and adjusting his clothes. Tommy cleared his throat as he reached for Bobby’s hand, doing anything but looking into his eyes, and Bobby smirked. “Let’s get this elevator fixed and let’s get outta here.”
“Before they start going at it like rabbits again,” Chim murmured.
“Which raises the question,” Eddie started, turning back to the group. “We know why Buck was here but what were you doing here, Tommy? Everything okay?”
Tommy turned on Chimney, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah, good question,” he replied, shooting daggers. “What was I doing in the hospital, Howie?”
Chimney suddenly became very busy, arranging things in his bag as he avoided everyone’s eyes. “I don’t know, Tommy, he was asking you.”
“Well it appears that someone-–not naming any names, of course–-told me that Evan here was… hurt.”
Buck jumped. “Chim, you planned this?!”
“No!” He said, standing up and looking at Buck. “I mean, yes, I hoped you’d bump into each other but I did not plan for you two to get stuck in an elevator!”
Hen snickered. “You’re telling me that stupid idea of yours worked? Again?”
“Again?” Bobby asked, looking between them with a raised eyebrow.
“Oh, Cap. Don’t even get me started.” Hen shook her head. “Just know that Chimney here is a matchmaker in the worst ways possible.”
“Hey, you should be thanking me!” Chim laughed, turning to look at Buck and Tommy who were standing inches apart, their arms brushing comfortably. “And so should you two! I got you back together!”
“All we did was kiss,” Buck said.
“I think that was more than kissing, Buck,” Bobby replied with a smirk.
“Whatever. You didn’t ‘get us together’, Chim.”
“Maybe he did,” Tommy murmured, almost too quiet for anyone to hear.
Buck whirled on him. “What?” With all his attention on Tommy, he hardly noticed the team smiling amongst themselves, backing away to give them space.
Tommy reached out for Buck’s arm and gently pulled him to the side. “I mean… Nevermind.”
“No, please say it,” Buck pleaded. “Don’t say something like that and then walk out on me again.”
“I… I want to try again.”
“Really?”
Tommy nodded, regret swimming in his eyes. “I can’t believe I was so stupid to let someone like you go.” Buck opened his mouth to reply but Tommy raised a hand to silence him. “Please, let me finish. I’ve been going to therapy since the… the break-up. And I figured out that I wasn’t ready back then for a relationship at all. I was so insecure. All I could do was give but I could never take. I was… afraid.” He took a deep breath. “Afraid of opening up. Afraid of letting you in. Afraid of letting myself be loved. So I left, before it got too real. But now I– I know my worth. Or some of it, anyway. I know that I deserve to be loved. And I know that I deserve to be loved by someone as perfect and brilliant as you. So, if you’d be willing to try again, then so am I.”
Buck stared at him in disbelief. He had to be dreaming, he thought. He just had to be.
“I’m, I’m sorry,” Tommy rushed out, taking a quick step backward. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I didn’t–”
“Shut up,” Buck whispered, surging forward to capture Tommy’s lips with his own. The kiss was soft, sweet, filled with regret and love and sadness and joy. Sadness of what could have been, joy for what still could be. “Of course I want to try again. How could you ever think I wouldn’t?”
Tommy shrugged. “Guess I haven’t fully worked on my insecurities.”
“Then we can do that together.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Really.”
“God, Evan, I…” He sighed, shaking his head. He couldn’t say it. Not yet.
“I know,” Buck smiled. “Let’s just take things slow again, okay?”
“Slower than last time?”
“If that’s what you need. I’ll do whatever it takes.”
“Look at you being Mr Mature.”
“You’re not the only one who’s been going to therapy.”
Tommy smiled. “So… are you free on Monday for coffee?”
“Make it Sunday and you got yourself a deal.”
“Great,” Tommy grinned. “I should go. I’ll see you then?”
“Yeah,” Buck grinned back, feeling like he was on top of the world. “See you then.”
Chim approached him and patted his shoulder with a grin that matched his own. “Get yourself off that cloud, Buck, we got another call. And you gotta fix that shirt of yours, man, all the buttons are wrong.”
“Right,” Buck nodded, snapping himself out of his daze. “And hey, thank you.”
“Don’t mention it.”
Buck stopped Chim walking away with a hand on his shoulder. “No, I mean it. Thank you for… Just, thanks.” He patted Chim’s shoulder and walked off toward the exit, grin still splitting his face. “But never do that again, ya hear?”
“Loud and clear, Buckley. Loud and clear.”