Chapter Text
It all started with that comm from Rex.
They had found and liberated an imperial prison ship. And this ship was smaller and more discreet and it held only clones, specifically Howzer and a few of his men. The captain of the ship had killed himself as well that to be interrogated, and the commando on the ship had erased most of their records before being shot. It was clear that they didn’t want anyone to know where they had been, or where they were going.
But what had caught their attention specifically was the database. Because among the names that hadn’t been erased, Crosshair’s was listed. That worried him, because what was Crosshair doing on a high-profile prisoner escort? Tech had theorized that he may have been a guard on one of the ships, but from the info that they had, the only clones that they used to guard the prisoners were commandos. Which would mean that Crosshair would have been known that ship as a prisoner. And the only reason Hunter could think of why that was, was that Crosshair had defected.
But if he had defected, why didn’t he tell them?
Hunter already knew why; not like they had the best relationship nowadays. But still, what had Crosshair done to be moved to someplace with such high security? The question was what had them investigated alongside Rex into where these prison ships were going and why they had only clones in custody. But the one thing keeping them from investigating further was that they were waiting for a signal. A message from Crosshair. To see if he was in any real danger or if they were walking blindly into a trap.
The growing unease in Hunter’s stomach had felt like enough of a sign though.
It made it that much more of a relief when Rex finally contacted them with an update. They’d managed to witness a bounty hunter delivering his bounty to what seemed to be the people behind the prison transports, if the commandos were anything to go by. Rex had glimpsed who the bounty hunter had captured, revealing it to be a child. A toddler by the looks of it.
That cemented their choice. Whether or not Crosshair was a willing part of this didn’t matter. Kids were involved, and whatever they were doing with them was obviously not good.
They planted trackers on the ships and traced them to a planet called Wayland. There were no records of the planet in any of the Imperial records they could find, making the matter even more serious. After managing to sneak in undetected using the codes stolen from the transport ships, the batch and Rex’s crew split up. Rex went down to the cells for reinforcements while they had focused on finding out just what the hell the Empire was doing there.
And maybe keep an eye out for any sign of Crosshair.
After some sneaking around, they found a vault and Omega came up with a plan to use the vents to sneak in. She managed to do so and had commed them that the kids were being held there. Hunter and the others made a plan to stage a distraction by causing a small scuffle in a nearby hallway. Afterwards they got that sign about Crosshair in the form of a call from Rex telling them that he had found an empty cell and from interrogating the guards, had found that it belonged to Crosshair.
That had complicated things further. It wasn’t just about extracting kids and other clones from whatever the Empire had in store for them. Now, it was about freeing their brother. Dragging two of the men they had captured from their distraction, they had begun demanding information from them about their brother’s whereabouts. It wasn’t long afterwards when they got their answer.
In the form of a scream. Raspy, only loud enough to just barely reach the other’s ears, but it was painfully loud to Hunter. His stomach had sunk to his feet as he whipped his head around to the source.
Tearing off after the sound, his brothers followed suit. Coming to one of the many simple doors, he punched the button to open the door, seeing his brother tied down to a table with what was obviously a torture droid. He’d instinctively raised his gun and shot the droid down, bolting over to his brother to check the damage, anxiety and adrenaline still coursing through him.
Crosshair didn’t seem to have many injuries at first glance, but the way he shivered on the table told a different story. Tech had checked him over, noting the numerous sores and track marks on the left side of his neck, along with what seemed to be electrical burns on both sides of his temple. It seemed they had arrived right as a session had begun.
Crosshair opened bleary eyes to stare at his brothers for a few moments before they widened in recognition.
“What…are you doing here?” He’d rasped as they propped him up to get a better look.
“Saving your ass.” Echo retorted. “What did they do?”
“Nothing that bad. It’s fine.” Crosshair grumbled out, wincing as Tech placed a bacta patch on his neck.
“Not that bad?” Hunter scoffed but was cut off by Wrecker before he could get further.
“Why didn’t yah call us Cross?” He asked, gently placing his hand on Crosshair’s shoulder, eyes filled with a mix of worry and hurt.
“It’s fine.” Crosshair bit out, shaking off his hand and shrugging away from them. “It doesn’t concern you.”
Hunter gave a frustrated sigh, why did his brother still have to be so difficult? He gave Crosshair a harsh stare, who returned it with his trademark scowl. Hunter, who didn’t want to deal with this right now, pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes.
“Still so fucking stubborn.” he muttered under his breath. He’d opened his eyes after a moment though, catching a small change in Crosshair’s heartbeat. It had sped up a little, and he looked up at him to see that he’d turned away. He avoided looking at him, moving his left hand down to clutch at his right. Which upon further inspection, was beginning to shake. Hard.
Hunter stepped closer, brow furrowing in worry as he grasped his brother’s hand. He looked up again, waiting a moment before Crosshair spoke.
“Can we just go already?” He whispered, voice slightly strained. When Hunter didn’t reply, he forced himself to meet his brother’s gaze.
There was fear. Real fear in his brother’s eyes as he stared at him, almost quivering where he sat.
“Please. I don’t want to be here.” He whispered, almost at a volume only Hunter could hear.
That had been enough for him. Hunter steeled himself and gave Crosshair a short nod, moving to take his arm and sling it over his shoulders. Crosshair gave a small groan as they rose, stumbling somewhat due to vertigo. After pausing for a moment, the batch moved on to meet Rex in the hanger as alarms began to blare.
They were halfway to the Marauder when Hunter caught sight of him. A man, obviously the guy in charge since he’d been standing causally amid the chaos in the hanger. Hemlock. He had noticed them too and had begun to stride towards them. Hunter felt Crosshair tense beside him, glancing over to see him grimace, and to see him shake slightly. Hunter moved to shield Crosshair, the rest of the batch doing the same.
“So, this is the rest of Clone Force 99.” Hemlock mused, stopping a short distance from them. A small smile graced his face. “I was starting to wonder if you would show at all.”
“You did this to him.” Hunter snarled, keeping his gun trained on Hemlock.
“I believed further incentive was needed to achieve results.” Hemlock shrugged. “And I was correct.”
Hunter tightened his grip ready to shoot when he’d heard something. A small creak from above, he didn’t look to avoid giving any warning to Hemlock. They waited for a moment, guns poised to shoot, when Hunter heard another creak and took that as his cue to shove them back. Confusion flickered across Hemlock’s face for a moment before a shuttle rammed into him, careening into the wall with a loud crash.
Stunned, they stood for a few moments before a small sound brought their attention to Omega running up to them. A wide smile was on her face as she ran up to hug Crosshair.
“That you?” Hunter asked, though he already knew the answer. Omega look up at him with a satisfied expression.
“She’s done this before?” Crosshair asked, voice slightly strained.
“Nope.”
-
And it all led to this. Hunter now laid in bed, trying to go back to sleep. This was the second night in a row that he was having trouble sleeping. He blamed it on the uneasy feeling in his gut. When they got back to Pabu from Tantiss, it had eased up to the point that Hunter thought it was gone.
He’d also been distracted with Rex and helping him track down the kids’ parents, but that had been over with quickly. For the first few days after extracting Crosshair, there was a bit of uneasy tension between them and Crosshair. What they did to each other hasn’t been easily forgotten, and the fact that the last time they had met was under similar circumstances didn’t help either.
But after those first days of awkwardness, the tension kind of dissipated a little. Omega was the first to reach out of course, inviting Crosshair to show him around Pabu. He begrudgingly accepted, and Omega made an effort afterward to talk to him every day. The rest of them had been a bit more hesitant, but they all got used to each other. Wrecker would hang out with him and Omega; Echo would spend some time with him as well whenever he came back to visit. Tech had spent most of his time with Crosshair patching him up but also engaged with him now and then. But they all kept their distance. They didn’t know if Crosshair wanted to stay after all.
Crosshair himself hadn’t changed much; he was still harsh at times but at least he spoke with them. But he was quieter than he used to be, and he still refused to even mention Tantiss. Not that Hunter blamed him. Whatever had happened to him had really hurt him. Hunter remembered the look in his eyes as he almost pleaded with him to leave.
Hunter shifted again. Maybe the feeling in his gut was guilt. He’d been distant with Crosshair as well, wanting to give him space. Rain had begun to fall a few hours ago, and now it was starting to intensify. Maybe that was what was actually keeping him awake, hearing the rumbles of thunder far before they actually arrived. His mind drifted back to Crosshair, again.
These past few days have been different. Crosshair had been a bit more talkative, which would have been a good sign if he wasn’t…so calm. Normally, he’d scoff or grumble at them, but now he just spoke casually. Almost without emotion. Just a few small sentences here and there, but it still gnawed at him. Omega had also mentioned how Crosshair had seemed sad recently; he didn’t put much effort into interacting with anyone anymore. He seemed to want to be left alone, but that didn’t make the feeling in his gut any less heavy.
Something shifted in a room nearby. Hunter sat up, alert and waiting. He discerned it to be from Crosshair’s room, hearing feet shuffling. Hunter eased back down, still listening. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard sounds from Crosshair’s room. He would hear him shift about in bed like he was tonight, and one time his heart had beat loud enough to wake him. He’d almost gone out to check on him but had decided against it.
More shuffling. A door opening, the small creak just barely audible above the rain pounding against the roof. He heard Crosshair shuffle down the hallway slowly, murmuring something. Hunter lifted his head, trying to hear. After a moment, he could make a few words:
“I’m sorry.”
“Goodbye”
The feeling in his gut sank a little deeper. Hunter sat up and swung his legs off the bed, taking care to be quiet as he slowly opened his door. Crosshair had already made it down the hallway and was approaching the front door. Was he going out for a walk? In this weather? Hunter sighed, but instead of going back to his room, he glanced at Crosshair’s open door. That feeling twisted in his gut again, (at this point he was beginning to think it had never left) urging him to do something. He approached the room, peering inside. It looked clean, almost untouched. The covers on the bed were ruffled and strewn about. There was a note on the nightstand, but oddly had been written on paper instead of a data pad
Curious, Hunter reached for it. It was small, folded only once. Opening it, the message on it was short too, written in Crosshair’s neat handwriting.
Don’t bother looking for me.
It’s better this way.
Looking at those words made Hunter’s stomach drop. He had a bad feeling about this. Dropping the note on the floor, he pushed back out into the hallway to see Crosshair with his hand on the door.
“Cross?” He said tentatively.
Crosshair jerked; his heart sped up a bit. He probably thought everyone else had been asleep. Neither of them moved, Hunter taking the moment to think. Was Crosshair leaving? If he was, why didn’t he take anything with him? He was still dressed in the grays they gave him, and he didn’t seem to be carrying anything- Hunter narrowed his eyes. Looking at him, he did seem to be carrying something. But he was hiding it from view.
“Crosshair.” Hunter tried again. “What are you doing?”
Crosshair didn’t turn to face him. “Nothing.”
“Doesn’t look that way.”
“Hunter.” He straightened at the sound of his name, and the small shake in Crosshair’s voice that accompanied it.
“Just…go back to bed. Please.”
And with that, he was out the door. It closed with a small click, a roll of thunder following it.
Hunter’s hands balled into fists to stop them from shaking. He could go back to bed. It was obvious that Crosshair didn’t want anything to do with him right now. He just wanted to be left alone. But the ever-present feeling Hunter’s gut intensified to the point of nausea.
Something told him that if he let Crosshair go, if he didn’t do something to stop him,
Then he’d never see his brother again.
~
Hunter pushed the door open, recoiling as the sudden change in environment overwhelmed him for a moment. The rain was pouring down in sheets now, making it hard to see. He could just barely make out Crosshair’s retreating figure, following him. He was about to call out, but Crosshair suddenly broke into a run. Hunter cursed, trying to catch up to him. The rain-slicked ground made it hard, making him slip a little, but Hunter was steadily closing the distance.
“What the hell are you doing?!” He called out, getting no reply as Crosshair continued to run to wherever the hell he was going. Trying to see past him, Hunter recognized where they were. The cliff, overlooking the cove by the beach. It had been the first place Omega had shown him. And he was running straight towards the stairs.
Hunter caught up just enough to grab his shoulder, wrenching him back around to face him.
“What the kriff are you doing?” He shouted, his words almost drowned out by a loud clap of thunder. Crosshair just glared at him through the rain, his short wet hair plastered to his skin.
“None of your fucking business!” He snarled, trying to break out of Hunter’s grip.
“You’re sprinting towards a cliff in the middle of a karking thunderstorm!” Hunter shouted back, blinking through the water streaming down his face. “Whatever you’re doing, it’s something stupid.”
Crosshair grimaced, twisting away from him. When Hunter reached out to grab his hand, he knocked whatever he’d seen Crosshair holding before. Watching it clatter to the ground, he finally managed to get a good look at it.
It was a gun, a small pistol with a silencer attached.
What the fuck would he need a gun for?
Hunter froze. His mind went blank for a moment, then it began to slowly sink in. Crosshair took this opportunity to shove him down, diving for the gun. In the short few seconds Hunter spent on the ground, the pieces came together.
The note. The room. What he murmured outside everyone’s doors. The distance, everything up to this point.
Don’t bother looking for me.
(Had Hunter even been looking?)
It’s better this way.
Hunter’s eyes snapped back to Crosshair as he rose with the gun in hand. Their eyes locked. A stroke of lightning flashed, and through the rain, Hunter could see something, something missing in his brother’s eyes. Like a light had been shut off, a chilling finality in his gaze. How long had he looked like that?
Why was he only seeing it now?
Crosshair turned his back to Hunter, moving toward the cliff. To the ocean. Where no one would hear him over the thunder. Where no one would think to look.
Hunter sprang up and tackled him to the ground, pressing his weight to keep him pinned. Crosshair writhed beneath on his stomach, shouting for him to get off. Hunter ignored him, reaching for the gun and prying it from his hands. Crosshair tried viciously to snatch it back; but Hunter held it out of reach.
Without thinking, he pulled the trigger; a single blue shot firing into the air just as thunder roared above them. Illuminated by the blast for a moment, Hunter saw the desperation on Crosshair’s face. He took his other hand off of him and ejected the magazine, not that it mattered since he knew it was empty.
There was only one bullet in that chamber, and he knew damn well what it was for.
He threw the gun away, focusing his attention on Crosshair again as he squirmed. Flipping him over, he blocked Crosshair’s fists as he swung. He grabbed both of his arms, slamming them down. Crosshair flinched hard but still struggled against him. He stopped after a few moments when it was clear that Hunter was not budging.
They sat there, both panting as the adrenaline from the fight ran through them. Crosshair refused to look at him, staring into the pouring rain. Hunter tightened his grip, finally getting him to meet his gaze.
Part of his hair had fallen from his bandana; the cloth having been loosened in his sleep. Water poured off the ends of his hair as he leaned over his brother. Fury filled his voice and his gaze as he spoke.
“What. In the actual fuck. Are you doing?” He spat
“None. Of your-“
“Don’t start with that bullshit. Tell me what the hell you were going to do with that gun.”
“It doesn’t concern you.” Crosshair growled.
“It does concern me, considering how you were sneaking out of the house with just a fucking note to explain where the hell you were going.”
“Why the fuck didn’t you listen?”
“Because it was stupid as hell. And when have we ever followed orders?”
“I was trying to fix-“
“Fix what Crosshair?” Hunter snarled, anger and desperation welled up inside him.
“What were you possibly hoping to fix?”
“Everything you weren’t willing to.” He sneered. Hunter felt the words sting but kept focused on Crosshair.
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“Like I had any choice. Like you would’ve listened.” Crosshair scoffed, breaking eye contact.
“Of course you had a choice! I would’ve listened, Omega would have listened, Tech would have. Anyone would!”
“That still wouldn’t have fixed anything.” Crosshair bit out, closing his eyes.
“And killing yourself would?” Hunter said, voice razor sharp. Crosshair didn’t reply. Hunter squeezed, Crosshair wincing slightly, as he tried to get him to look at him.
“Tell me Crosshair. Look me in the eyes and tell me.”
“What the fuck it would have fixed.”
“Everything.” Crosshair said quietly.
“Everything I’ve done.”
“No, it wouldn’t.”
“You’re wrong.” Crosshair breathed. Before Hunter could respond, he continued.
“Do you honestly believe that everything I’ve done can be fixed with a little talk? A simple apology? That I can be forgiven?” He gave a bitter chuckle.
“That’s what this was all about? Punishment? Look what happened on Kamino was- “
“I’m not just talking about Kamino!” Crosshair bit out, eyes snapping open to glare at Hunter.
“Don’t you get it? I’ve done shit with the Empire, things that I can’t forget. That I can’t forgive. Things that shouldn’t be. I’ve killed innocent people, Hunter. I’ve driven them out of their homes, murdered defenseless refugees, and I still stayed. I gunned down a disarmed enemy who was just fighting for their home. For freedom. Like you were. And I still stayed, even when there was no one to stay for.”
“At that point, I couldn’t even blame it on the chip.” He huffed. “Because I had already made my choice.” Hunter’s mind stalled, didn’t he say that he had his chip removed?
Crosshair must’ve seen the look on his face as he smiled bitterly. “I lied. To you and myself about that fucking piece of metal. And look where it got me.”
“I didn’t leave. I stayed, even when you came back for me, even when Cody tried to make me see sense. I only understood how stupid I was when one of my brothers died in front of me.”
Crosshair looked up at the sky, letting the rain mix with unshed tears. “You never should have come for me.” He murmured, self-loathing in his voice. “I should’ve died there. In Tantiss. On Kamino.”
“No.” Hunter bit out, finally saying something. “Don’t say shit like that. You didn’t deserve-“
“DON’T LIE TO ME!” Crosshair screamed, lurching forward until he was inches away from Hunter.
“Look at me. Look me in the fucking eye and say I didn’t deserve it. For everything I’ve done to them. For all the pain I caused.”
Crosshair fell silent, staring at Hunter. Getting no reply, he let his head fall back down. Regret and guilt washed over him, wishing he could cover his eyes to hide his pathetic tears. He settled for looking away again. Stars he couldn’t even look his brother in the eyes anymore.
“Crosshair.”
“Crosshair look at me.”
Hunter moved his hands to Crosshair’s face, cupping it and gently titling it forward to face him. Crosshair opened his eyes and was stunned to see Hunter’s eyes filled with tears, mixing with the rain as they trickled down.
“You didn’t deserve it.” His voice shook as he spoke. “What the Empire did to you, what Hemlock did, what we did. You didn’t deserve any of it.”
He rubbed his thumbs against his brother’s cheeks, wiping away at the rain and tears.
“You didn’t- you shouldn’t have been left alone like that. I don’t hate you for what you’ve done Crosshair.”
He leaned down to press their foreheads together, closing his eyes.
“I just want you to stay. I need you to stay. Please.”
Crosshair’s breath hitched, arms shakily wrapping underneath his older brother’s arms and clutching his shoulders. His breathing quickened, burying his face into his neck as tears dripped off his chin.
“s-sorry I’m-I’m hic-so-hic-s-sorry-“
“Shhh it’s ok, it’s ok.” Hunter soothed as he cradled him.
The rest of his words dissolved into unintelligible heaving sobs; hands gripping Hunter’s soaked shirt. Hunter just rubbed his brother’s back, holding him close as his sobs intensified. He held him still as he wailed, the sounds lost in the storm. Hunter silently cried with him as his brother broke apart in his arms.
~
The rain slowed down, becoming a soft shower. Thunder had once again become a distant rumble. Crosshair continued to sniff and hiccupped, recovering from his breakdown. Once he was calm enough, Hunter slowly leaned the two of them back up until they were sitting.
They still held each other, resting their foreheads against each other’s shoulders, neither one speaking. After a moment or two, Hunter gently leaned back to look at Crosshair. His face was a mess, red and puffy, with tears and mucus running down. But his eyes didn’t look like they did before. Weren’t dark and dull, but brighter. The light was back in his eyes, though faint, but it was there now.
“Let’s get you inside ok Cross’ika?” He murmured, lifting his head from where is sat against his chest to brush his palm against his little brother’s cheek, smiling softly as he leaned into the touch. “Before we catch something.”
Crosshair gave a tired nod, Hunter then slowly rising up and pulling Crosshair with him. They both stumbled a bit, having been down on the ground for what had been an half an hour. Hunter had Crosshair lean on him as they walked through the gentle rain back to the house.
Hunter led them round back- (“can’t track water through the place or Tech’ll have our asses.”)- and opened the door. He made way to the bathroom and eased the door open. Sitting Crosshair down on the tub, he handed him a towel to dry off as best he could. Grabbing one for himself, he began to rub his hair as he looked in the mirror.
Stars he was as much a wreck as Crosshair was. Face just as red, with hair sopping wet and no doubt tangled. He sighed, reaching for the brush as he pulled his damp bandana off. No way he was sleeping with it now but might as well try to get some of the knots out. Once he was satisfied, he looked over to Crosshair to see him dried as best he could, shivering as he stared blankly. Hunter opened the sink cabinet, pulling out two pairs of greys.
“Here.” he said, putting one down next to Crosshair and snapping him out of his daze. “Get yourself out of those things.”
Crosshair hesitantly obliged, Hunter turning back to peel himself out of his own clothes. Good thing it was Echo’s turn for laundry. His heart twisted a bit at the thought of his brothers. Right. He was going to have to tell them about this. But Crosshair was still so fragile, (and quite honestly so was he) so a little bit of rest could do them both some good before that conversation.
As Hunter pulled his new shirt over his head, he caught a whiff of something. He stiffened, slowly turning to Crosshair. He looked away guiltily, chest bare and gripping his lower arms. With the rain gone, Hunter could smell the blood welling up between Crosshair’s fingers.
“Did I hurt you?” he asked softly, kneeling down and reaching out to gently take his hands.
“No.” Crosshair said. “These have been here …since Tantiss.”
Hunter turned his arms over, pressing his lips together as he saw the damage. Each arm had two lines carved into it, on either side of the major artery. It started just below the wrist and stopped a little bit before the elbow. The ones on the left were longer and less straight. He must’ve reopened them during the scuffle. He sighed, rubbing his arms as he looked back up at him. Crosshair met his gaze, a new film of tears in his eyes.
“I stopped sometime after I got here. I…didn’t want Omega to find out.” He said as Hunter rose to grab the medkit.
“I’m s-“Crosshair began, Hunter returning to cut him off with a gentle kiss to the forehead.
“It’s alright.” He spoke softly, beginning to wrap bandages around his arms. “We don’t have to worry about this right now.”
“We are going to talk about it.” He said, finishing dressing his wounds and putting up the medkit. He caught Crosshair’s chin in his fingers to get him to lock eyes.
“But not right now. Let’s just get some rest, ok vod’ika?”
“Ok.” Crosshair whispered.
Hunter nodded, helping Crosshair finish getting dressed and the two of them left the bathroom. Crosshair walked beside him as they went down the hall, but when he turned to go to his room, Hunter stopped him.
“No yah don’t.” He said simply, grabbing him (by the hand) and pulling him into his room.
“If you think for one karking second that I’m letting you out of my sight...” He muttered, closing the door behind them. Turning around, he climbed into bed and signaled for Crosshair to join.
Without hesitation, he crawled under the covers and curled up and Hunter pulled him into another embrace. The two then laid there, listening to each other’s breathing and the light pattering of rain. Taking advantage of the quiet moment, Hunter’s mind whirled.
He looked back on every memory, every moment had with his brother since they got him back from Tantiss. In the total month and a half that they had him, he scoured his memory for any signs. Looking back now, he could see them so clearly. How Crosshair would be up at midnight tossing and turning before eventually going to the bathroom and coming back with an odd smell Hunter now recognized as blood.
How he got a guilty look on his face every time Omega told him how happy she was to spend time with him. How he avoided the question of if or when he was leaving anytime Wrecker asked him. How he refused to be scanned by AZI. How Echo told him before leaving to keep an eye on him. The time that Tech had pulled him aside and told how that he suspected Crosshair to be hiding something. How one time Hunter had caught him standing on the cliffs edge, looking at either the ocean or the rocks below with absolute emptiness in his eyes-
Hunter felt a hand tug at his sleeve, his breath hitching as he was startled out of his head. Crosshair must’ve heard his heart pick up. He closed his eyes as he pulled him closer, burying his nose in his short curls.
How could he have been so fucking blind?
All those moments that he just passed off as Crosshair being himself. He should have known that Crosshair hadn’t been himself in a long time. Not since the Order. And that train of thought led him to the chip and oh fuck he began to spiral again, reassessing everything that happened after that day.
Crosshair squeezed him again, snapping him out of it a second time. “Sorry Cross.” He whispered. Hunter closed his eyes and rested his chin on top of his brother’s head.
“I was just thinking. About everything.”
Crosshair nodded, knowing what he was talking about.
“When did you…?”
“After Bracca. Got it removed after that.”
Hunter’s breath gave an audible hitch. That long? Crosshair drew back, probably out of guilt.
“No, it’s not you.” Hunter reassured, bringing him back and cradling him close again.
“It’s just-for so long. You had your chip activated. And none of us knew.”
“Wasn’t that long. S’ides, not like I made it easy.” He mumbled against Hunter’s shirt.
“That doesn’t matter.” Hunter said firmly. “What matters is that we should have noticed something was off. We should have said something, and instead we just let it happen. We should have known that you would never do something like that willingly. No wonder you were so angry at us.”
Hunter’s grip tightened.
“We never should have left you there. On that platform. On Kamino. I never should have left you at all. And I did. You were suffering and we-I didn’t do shit.”
Hunter felt tears building up again, his voice wavering.
“And I…I almost did it again.”
“I almost let you go.” He choked out, tears slipping through and into his brother’s hair. “If I hadn’t been awake, if I hadn’t done something, anything, then-“ He cut himself off with a chocked sob, the sudden realization of what would have happened if he hadn’t intervened hitting him fully.
“I almost lost you again.”
Crosshair nuzzled closer, wrapping his legs up with Hunter and pressed as close as he could for comfort.
“You didn’t.” He whispered into his chest. “I’m still here.”
“I’m sorry Crosshair.” Hunter sobbed out. His hands threaded in his vod’s hair. He lowered his face to his shoulder, pressing his eyes against the fabric as he was coming undone.
“I’ll never leave you again. I promise.” Hunter hitched out between cries, allowing himself to finally fall to pieces. “I’msorryimsorryimsofuckingsorry-“
The sobs continued, both of their shirts growing damp yet again, but neither one cared.
~
Hunter yawned, finally being all cried out. He listened to the heartbeat of his brother as it slowed, dozing off to sleep. Hunter drew lazy circles at the base of his brother’s skull, drawing out a small, satisfied groan.
“Y’know,” he said, “I actually wanted to do this the moment we got you back from Tantiss.” He wrapped his arms around Crosshair’s shoulders. “Just wrestle you into bed and sleep for 12 hours straight. You looked like you needed it.”
Crosshair gave a small snort, opening his eyes halfway. “I kinda did. I would’ve liked that.” He mumbled.” Hunter sighed with a small smile. “Better late than never.” He said, Crosshair nodding sleepily, closing his eyes and pressing closer yet again. Hunter’s face fell into a frown.
He would still have to tell everyone, and was dreading the conversation, if only to tell them about what had happened. Crosshair needs to talk to them as well. Even though so much had already been shared, he knew he held some things in his head. He felt a sigh against his chest, hands sluggishly clawing at his back.
“Go to sleep Hunter.” Crosshair slurred.
Hunter let out a small chuckle, giving in and allowing himself to relax.
He was just happy to have his brother all to himself.
And he was never letting him go.
-
Tech awoke early as usual that morning, preparing the kitchen for breakfast and waiting for the others to wake up as well. Shortly afterward, Echo and Wrecker joined him, the latter still rubbing sleep from his eyes. Strangely, Hunter and Crosshair did not follow. Crosshair would wake up the latest out of all of them, so it was not unusual for him to arrive late, but Hunter was always quick to rise with them.
“Where is Hunter?” Tech inquired, earning a shrug from Wrecker.
“I dunno, thought he was with you.”
“Probably in the bathroom or checking on Omega.” Echo yawned, making a beeline for the caf.
Tech nodded, the excuses were plausible. Hunter had woken up first before, and he always was the first to check in on Omega. He turned his attention to his datapad, looking over the data of last night’s storm. It had been decently strong, but not near the level to indicate a possible tsunami. Speaking of which, he would have to check to make sure the tide had not receded too far.
As he got up, he noted that 10 minutes had passed, and Hunter had still not arrived. Wrecker and Echo noticed too, the three of them sharing a confused look.
“I’ll go check outside.” Echo volunteered, rising from the table. “Maybe he went for a short walk, check the tide like you wanted.”
It was possible, he had warned them the evening before of the storm rolling in and to be wary of another potential tsunami. Still, to be sure, Tech got up to check Omega’s room. Wrecker sat where he was, wordlessly agreeing to wait in the kitchen in case Hunter decided to show. Tech approached Omega’s room, seeing that the door was unopened. He peered inside, mentally checking off Omega’s peaceful slumber and no threats in the room. But Hunter was not found either.
Tech continued down to the bathroom, slipping slightly as he found the floor wet with small puddles. Tech followed the trail to the back door, then continued as it led to the bathroom. Tech tensed, slowly opening the door only to find it empty but upon flicking the light saw wet clothes on the floor. Odd. He left the bathroom, down the hall as he passed by Crosshair’s room. The door this time was ajar, but before Tech could investigate further, Echo called him back.
“Find anything?” He asked.
“Only water that someone had not properly mopped up, and no one in Omega’s room. The bathroom held no other evidence besides wet clothing.” Tech replied.
“More work for you.” Wrecker teased at Echo, who groaned.
“I take time off to stay with you for 4 weeks and this is the thanks I get?” He grumbled.
“Did you find him?” Tech asked. Echo shook his head. Worry began to knot in Tech’s stomach. Something was wrong. No sign of Hunter or Crosshair, nor any idea of an explanation why.
“Find anything else?” He asked.
Echo’s face grew serious, his tone low. “Found this.” He said, pulling out a small pistol. “The magazine to it was a few yards away. Both empty.”
Tech fell silent; the information settling heavy in his mind. This did not imply anything good. If the clothes were any indication, Hunter and Crosshair had gone outside last night, and the fact that neither Crosshair nor Hunter were to be found inside might mean that they had left again and never returned.
“Have you checked everywhere?” Wrecker asked, pushing his chair back as he stood.
“No. Not yet.” Tech said simply, turning around and striding towards Crosshair’s room. Stepping inside, the room portrayed no signs of a struggle. It was neat and tidy, save for the covers strewn about on the bed. As he glanced down, Tech noticed a small slip of paper. He bent to pick it up, unfolding it to reveal words written in what was unmistakably Crosshair’s handwriting.
Don’t bother looking for me.
It’s better this way.
The words made Tech’s heart slow almost to a stop. Echo saw the look on his face and pulled the note out of his hands to read it with Wrecker. Shock crossed their faces before being replaced by fear. Tech shoved past them out of the room, the three nearly sprinting down the hallway. The situation was growing very dire now, they had to find answers.
As they moved past Hunter’s room, Tech stopped to check the room. He began to wrench it open but stopped cold. He breathed a sigh of relief.
“I have found them.” He spoke.
Wrecker and Echo worriedly looked over his shoulder, both heaving their own relieved sighs. Hunter and Crosshair were asleep on the bed, safe and sound. They were wrapped around each other, Crosshair positioned lower with his face buried in Hunter’s stomach. Hunter was bent over him, arms cradling him close with his cheek resting on his head. The peaceful look shared between the two was almost hidden beneath his tangled hair.
It was a sort of heartwarming sight, to be honest. Tech could hear the smile in Wrecker’s voice as he cooed at the two. It reminded Tech of their cadet days, the rare occasions where Crosshair would be tangled up with one of them in their bunk after a particularly difficult training session.
But why were they here? Why the puddles on the floor and the wet clothing, and the gun? Tech fully intended to get answers for these questions the moment those two woke up.
But…perhaps it could wait just a few more minutes. Until he caught a holopic at least.
~
Hunter stirred, slowly coming back to awareness but keeping his eyes closed. He’d been woken by the sound of people walking outside of the door. He reflexively squeezed Crosshair, relaxing as he recognized the three heartbeats in his room.
All of them were beating fast but had begun to slow after opening the door. Hunter had probably sent them into a bit of a panic by not showing or giving them a heads up. He’d have to apologize for that, he thought as he groggily opened his eyes a bit. He could make out the fuzzy forms of Wrecker Tech and Echo, the former having left and returned with something.
A small flash had Hunter screwing his eyes shut again. He let out a small groan as he stretched, he’d ask Echo to send him the pic later.
But he slowly rose up, careful not to disturb Crosshair. He rubbed his eyes and opened them to look at his brothers’ faces, all wearing a questioned expression, with Tech’s being particularly stern.
And now, he thought, came the hard part
~
Hunter shuffled up until his back rested against the wall, moving Crosshair into his lap and managing to not disturb him much. He was still asleep, snoring softly on his thigh. The others came into the room, Tech and Wrecker came to sit beside him as Echo stood nearby.
“Explain.” Tech said bluntly.
“About what?” Hunter tried sarcastically.
“Several things actually.” Tech retorted. “You could start with the fact you and Crosshair decided to go outside in the middle of the night during a storm, neglecting to tell any of us about it.”
“Sorry about that.” Hunter said. Tech continued. “Or about the note in his room.”
“Or the empty gun we found.” Hunter flinched slightly at the mention.
Echo sighed. “Was Crosshair planning on leaving?” He asked. Hunter stiffened a bit.
“Something like that.” He answered hesitantly.
“And you went out to convince him not to?”
Hunter shifted slightly. “Kind of.”
Echo pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “You two got into a fight.”
“More or less.”
“You started it?”
“I…didn’t mean to.”
Echo rubbed his hand over his face. It was too early in the morning to deal with this. Wrecker piped up.
“Yeah but, when you guys fight, it doesn’t really…end up like this.” He gestured to them both. “Normally you and Cross go sulking off in separate rooms.”
“Yes, it is quite clear that something else must have happened for you two to end up like this.” Tech leaned over, checking over Crosshair. He noted his puffy eyes and flushed skin. He looked up and peered at Hunter to see he had a similar complexion.
“The fight- “Hunter started, “can’t even call it that- was…different.”
“Was it triggered by Crosshair leaving?” Tech asked.
Hunter shook his head. “No, he was…going to do something else.” His face had grown serious, looking down at Crosshair.
Tech narrowed his eyes; Hunter was trying to avoid the question. He looked back down at Crosshair. It was nice to see him so peaceful. Despite Hunter’s difficulty right now, if Crosshair had planned on leaving that night, he was grateful that he’d prevented him from doing so. He had missed his brother.
“Well, whatever he had done to warrant this, it would be better for us to know. Even if it makes you…uncomfortable.”
“I know.” Hunter said, giving a shaky exhale. Tech felt a small sense of foreboding but tried to alleviate it by gently running a hand over Crosshair’s shoulder.
Hunter took a deep breath, screwing his eyes shut as he spoke slowly:
“He was going to kill himself.”
The words hung in the air, punctuated by the heavy silence that followed.
Echo was the first to break it. “What?” He whispered, eyes widened in shock. Wrecker had sat up straight, sharing the same expression. Tech’s head had snapped up, his body numb with the news.
“I woke up to him going out in the hall.” Hunter said, launching into the explanation to get it over with. He opened his eyes, staring at the wall.
“He’d been muttering something about saying goodbye and that he was sorry. I got up and checked his room because I just had this feeling, and I found the note. I caught him just before he went out the door. I asked him what he was doing and he just told me to go back to bed. He was holding something; I couldn’t see what it was.”
“I followed him outside, could barely see him in the storm. I chased after him, caught up right as he was making his way to the cliff, the one we go to all the time. I grabbed him and we struggled a bit. Asked him what the hell he was doing, and he said it was none of my business. I knocked out what was in his hand and saw it when it hit the ground.”
Hunter went on, but Tech’s mind felt like it had short-circuited. Crosshair had planned to do what? His brain processed the information Hunter gave him, trying to make sense of it all. Why had he chosen tonight? Most likely because of the weather as no one would have heard him leave. The note had been an attempt to keep them from following or trying to look for him.
As he came to his next realization, horror welled up inside him.
“The cove.” He interjected, Hunter falling silent and the attention of the room was focused on him. Echo and Wrecker, whose faces were filled with shock and hurt turned to look at him.
“It gave easy access to the ocean. With the distance and the thunder, no one would have heard the shot. And the rough waves and high tide-
“Would’ve washed away what was left behind.” Echo finished, the intentions of Crosshair’s actions hit him as well. He looked back down at his brother’s sleeping form, now aware of the fact that he could have been looking down at an empty space.
Wrecker’s eyes had filled with tears, looking at Hunter as if to ask that it couldn’t have been possible. That they had almost lost their brother again. Permanently. Hunter only gave him a small nod, making him sniff loudly and move up onto the bed to get closer to them.
Tech looked at Hunter, staring at him until their eyes met. He was holding back tears.
“Why?” Tech asked, not feeling nearly as steady as his voice sounded.
“I asked him that.” Hunter replied. “Once I wrestled him down, I asked him why he’d do something like that. He said that it was compensation.” His voice cracked as he said it. “For everything he did. To us, to innocent people. Everything he did while with the Empire.”
“He said he didn’t have a choice. That we-I wouldn’t have listened. That nothing could be done. That this was the only way.”
Hunter inhaled sharply, clutching Crosshair close. “He sounded so certain, like he’d accepted it. And I…I made him think that.”
“How could you have possibly contributed to this?” Tech asked, refusing to let the blame rest solely on his brother’s shoulders.
“Because I didn’t say anything.” He spat out, bitter anger dripping from his words. “I felt something was off, I knew something was wrong and I didn’t say anything. If I hadn’t stopped him when I did-“His voice hitched, turning his head away as a tear slipped down his cheek. Tech reached a hand to grab his shoulder, squeezing it.
“He told me he had his chip removed after Bracca.” Hunter said. Tech’s grip went slack at the news, Wrecker giving a small gasp.
“The whole time. The whole fucking time up to that point his chip had been active.”
Hunter looked up to meet Tech’s gaze, guilt in his eyes.
“And I didn’t know. He was hurting, and I didn’t know.”
“None of us did.” Echo finally said, kneeling next to them.
“We should have.” Hunter said. “We should have known something was wrong when Crosshair left us in that prison cell. I should have- “
“Hunter you are not the sole cause of this.” Tech interrupted, now bringing both hands onto Hunter’s shoulders to grab his attention. “By following that logic, we also are to blame.”
“We’re his brothers too.” Wrecker said, sidling closer to wrap Hunter in a hug. “We should’ve been there for him.”
“We have all made a mistake with this. With him.” Tech said, wrapping arms around Hunter’s neck as his breath hitched again. “But we have time to right it. Thanks to you.”
“We can be there for him.” Tech reassured as they all huddled close on the bed around the two. “We can listen, as we should have before.” Hunter nodded against his shoulder.
They all sat there, still reeling from the news, but ready to talk to their brother. To help him.
~
Crosshair slowly woke to consciousness, groggily mumbling. When he finally blinked open his eyes he was met with the sight of his brothers before him. They were all curled up on the bed, Hunter having shifted to set him up against his chest. The other four had sat in a circle around them.
Crosshair swallowed, mostly to wet his dry throat but also out of anxiety. “Hunters told you already?” He asked.
“He has informed us of your…attempt.” Tech said.
Crosshair groaned slightly, leaning back up to rub the back of his neck. What was he supposed to say? That he was sorry? For not saying anything and almost leaving them again?
It was a start.
“I’m sorry.” He said quietly. “For…what I did.”
“It was stupid I know.” He tried again; his hand falling back into his lap. “I shouldn’t have done that. It…wouldn’t have solved anything.”
“Crosshair,” Tech began, holding eye contact with him. “We are not angry at you for your recent actions. Although I do agree that they were not the best course of action you could have taken, we are not upset I assure you.”
“We just want to know why.” Echo said. “Why didn’t you tell us anything?”
Crosshair looked away guiltily, hands rising to clench at his shoulders. “I don’t know, I just…thought you didn’t need to know.”
“About?” Hunter asked him tentatively.”
“About…this. Everything.” Crosshair sighed. “I didn’t want to bother you about it.”
“It won’t bother us Cross.” Wrecker said, reaching over to give his brother a small reassuring shake. “We don’t mind.”
When Crosshair didn’t reply, Tech spoke up.
“Your pain is not a burden, Crosshair.” He reassured, gently taking his hands. Crosshair looked up at him, shame evident on his face.
“I am sorry for letting you think that. I promise you, we will listen. No judgement form our part.”
“We’re here for you vod.” Echo added, scooting closer.
Crosshair looked around at his brother’s faces, attentive and ready to listen. To be there for him. He closed his eyes, drawing his hands back as he gathered the strength he so desperately needed for this.
“It all went wrong, I guess, on Barton IV. The Empire sent me there to protect some valuable resources. There weren’t many clones there, just a small batch. Mayday, the leader, welcomed me in. Introduced me to the others and told me how things worked. We were attacked by some raiders who stole the resources, and his batch didn’t make it. That left just us to steal back what we could. We tried but got caught in an avalanche. Mayday was hurt, bad. I could’ve left him, he told me too, but I didn’t.”
Crosshair began to shake at the memory, a mix of anger and the feeling of bitter cold seeping into his skin. “I dragged him all the way back to base, begged them to help him. And they didn’t. They let him die-I watched him die. And they didn’t care.”
“I guess you were right, Hunter. They just don’t give a shit about us.”
Echo rubbed his flesh hand over his back, silently comforting him. “I shot the commanding officer.” He chuckled slightly, remembering how satisfying it had been to see his body hit the ground. “Glad I did something worthwhile.”
“I passed out after that. Drifted in and out for a little while. When I finally came to, I was in Tantiss.”
He took a shaky inhale before continuing.
“Hemlock was standing over me. He said I had some useful information and that he was there to get it out of me. That was all he said, besides how I was an “interesting subject.”
“The first few weeks after that…I’m never going to forget. It was just pain. They injected some kind of drug in me. It felt like my blood was on fire. They poked and prodded at me, picking me apart like a droid.”
“A month in, Hemlock put me in the Clone-X program. It was a procedure that broke you, turned you into his own perfect little soldier. You weren’t left with any tattoos, no marks, no identity of any kind. Just orders to follow. You couldn’t do anything to stop it, you were powerless.”
“Like the chip.” Wrecker said, earning a small nod from him.
“Hemlock said it was because he wasn’t getting any results. That he wanted to see if the program would stick. It didn’t, but he tried. Oh, he tried.”
Crosshair rocked back and forth slightly, painful memories of the electricity coursing through his brain, the splitting headaches. His breathing picked up, becoming panicked as all he could hear was the mantra pounding in his head.
Good soldiers follow orders. Good soldiers follow orders. Good soldiers follow orders. Good soldiers follow orders. Good-
Hunter hugged him close, the others reaching out to settle their hands on his back. The sound of his brother’s heartbeat brought him back a little, causing him to try and match his deep breathing. After a little bit, Crosshair’s breathing returned to normal. He remained where he was on Hunter’s chest though.
“He wanted to find you.” He whispered. “He wanted Omega.” He heard Hunter inhale sharply.
“He was going to use me to find you. To hurt you. I fought against it. I started having nightmares. Of what would happen if the programming got through. How I would hunt you down, how I would kill you.”
His breathing hitched, curling in on himself in an effort to hide from the visions of his brothers’ dead bodies.
“That’s why you didn’t call us.” Hunter said. “To protect us.” Crosshair nodded.
“I didn’t want to hurt you.” He said weakly. “I didn’t want to forget you.”
“I started doing things, anything to keep me awake. I stopped eating, but it didn’t work for long. I figured pain was the only other option so…”
He sat up, rolling up his sleeves to show them the bandages around his arms. Tech stared at them, slowly brushing his hands against the slightly stained cloth.
“I was ready to stay there.” He whispered again, swallowing around the small lump in his throat. “If it meant you would be safe. I was willing to have die in there, for you.” His brother’s hands tightened where they were in response.
“But then, you showed up. You came for me. I…didn’t know what to do afterwards. I didn’t think I’d be free, much less with you. I was a little angry to be honest, a part of me wanted to be left there. To be left behind again.”
Crosshair’s hands balled, bringing his knees up to his chest. “That part of me grew. I felt like I didn’t belong. Like I didn’t deserve to be here. I messed up, ruined everything by leaving, I shouldn’t have been forgiven so easily.”
“The nightmares started to come back, I was afraid that part of the program had stuck, that I was dangerous. I drew back, didn’t want to get attached again or hurt any of you. I started hurting myself again, but I couldn’t risk Omega finding out.”
“I didn’t want to tell you because, I thought I shouldn’t. You tried so hard to find somewhere safe, to find a home and a life outside of the Empire. And I was ruining it. I wanted to fix it, but I didn’t know what else i could do.”
“I didn’t know what to do.” He said, voice wet with tears. He pressed his face into Hunter, curling into him as he cried. “I’m sorry.”
Hunter held him, the rest of the batch joining in as well to hug him as he sobbed softly. When he finished, they drew back somewhat to give him room to breathe. As they did, Tech gently took his brother’s face in his hands.
“I want to make it known Crosshair,” he said gently, “that your pain is not justifiable. You did not deserve the torture you experienced, and I am sorry that you went through it alone.”
“We messed up too Cross.” Wrecker said, leaning down to rest his head on top of Crosshair’s.
“We should’ve done more to make sure you were ok.” Echo said, pressing a kiss to his scarred temple.
“We never should have left you behind Cross’ika.” Hunter whispered. “And we never will again.”
“Nu draar.” Echo emphasized, running his hand up and down his vod’s spine.
All of the reassurance and pure love Crosshair could feel from his brothers had him weeping again. He whined into his ori’vod’s shirt, trying to press as close as he could. They loved him. Despite everything, they still loved him.
Those thoughts continued to swirl in his head as he was surrounded by his brother’s comfort and care.
-
Omega yawned, slowly trudging down the hall with Lula in hand. Her brothers were quiet this morning and she soon found out why.
She peeked into Hunter’s room, a little surprised to see them all piled up on the bed. She hesitated a moment, they all looked so peaceful. But, she shrugged, we’re sleeping in today.
She closed the door and scurried up to the bed, trying to wriggle in. She felt a hand take hold of her arm and gently pull her into the center. She happily curled into Crosshair after a moment, sighing contentedly.
She had all her brothers together again. And she couldn’t be happier.