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“He’s just so sad.”
“Do you think it’s about… you know?”
“It could be, but I don’t think so. He doesn’t hesitate to talk to me about Gun? If he’s having an off day or if something reminds him of that shitbag he’s much better at bringing it up than he used to be. Or at least talking about it when I ask what’s wrong.”
It wasn’t often that Prapai and Phayu went out without their partners anymore. Phayu had almost brought Rain along when Prapai invited him out to a new rooftop cafe, assuming that Sky would also be there until Prapai asked him to come alone.
He could see why though. If Prapai was concerned about Sky, then Rain’s anxiety would be through the roof, forcing them all to drive to Sky and pry whatever it was bugging him out even if it brought Sky to tears in the process. Even if it brought all of them to tears. Rain was too stubborn and caring for his own good.
“I’m sure he’ll talk to you when he’s ready,” Phayu told Prapai, because he really didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t know Sky the way Prapai and Rain did.
“Yeah,” Prapai sighed as he stirred his coffee mindlessly.
Phayu wasn’t expecting a phone call from Sky a few days later, asking if they could meet up at the exact same cafe. He got deja vu when Sky also asked him to come alone, practically reading his mind when he thought of bringing Rain too.
“Do you ever miss your mom?” was the first thing he said when they got their drinks. It made more sense for Phayu to be the one answering that question rather than Rain or Prapai, who still saw their parents at least once a week. Phayu knew that Sky’s mother wasn’t in the picture and that his father lived outside of the city, just like his own parents.
Phayu thought for a moment. Of course he missed her. They only saw each other a few times a year now. But Phayu wasn’t sure if that was what Sky was talking about, even though he didn’t really know exactly what else it could be.
“Of course.”
Sky nodded.
“I mean like, when you were a kid. Do you miss how she took care of you then?”
”I guess,” he hummed, pressing his palms together and placing his fingertips in front of his lips as he thought about how to go about this. He could tell from Sky’s twitching fingers and flitting eyes that he was nervous, and Phayu wanted to do everything he could to ease some of his worries, which meant not saying the wrong thing. “Stuff was a lot easier when we were kids and had our parents to rely on.”
Sky pursed his lips and Phayu mentally smacked himself. Before he could say anything to try and fix it, Phayu hurried to add on, “Do you miss your mom?”
His eyes, which were originally on Phayu as he spoke, drifted to the scrunched up napkin he’d been squeezing in his hand since they sat down, answering Phayu’s question for him. He could tell that there was more to it though, and so he waited for Sky to be ready to explain.
“I don’t really remember her all that much. I remember she stayed in her room a lot. My dad would give her dinner behind a closed door, leaving with a stack of dishes from her other meals. I was only allowed to see her if she was having a ‘good day’,” Sky said with a sniffle, not because he was crying, but because he was uncomfortable. “I didn’t even realize she left until I noticed that my dad wasn’t taking plates up to her room anymore,” he whispered.
Phayu reached across the table to squeeze Sky’s hand, still balled in a fist around the napkin. He ignored the way Sky flinched, knowing that it was an instinct rather than not wanting Phayu’s touch.
”I’m sorry.”
Sky found Phayu’s eyes again. “I know it’s different. You can book a flight right now and go see your mom. I only know that mine is in another country, and I don’t even know which one. It’s just… Rain and P’Pai wouldn’t even come close to understanding. Their mothers are so sweet; P’Pai’s mom, she’s basically adopted me already.”
”It’s not the same though,” Phayu added, ensuring that Sky knew that he thought his feelings were valid. Prapai’s mom wasn’t his mom, even though Phayu knew from experience that she was damn good at making you feel like she was the real thing. “I get it.”
”I know I should be talking to P’Pai about things like this.” He dropped the napkin onto the table so that he could pick it up with the hand that Phayu wasn’t currently holding and keep squeezing it. “I’ve tried before and he… I don’t know.”
“Told you that his mom is your mom.” Sky nodded. “Yeah, I got that after my parents moved. He means well, he just doesn’t understand.”
“I know he does…” he trailed off, his eyes going from Phayu’s face to his chest. “Oh, I think you spilled some of your coffee.”
Before Phayu could even comprehend what Sky said, he took the napkin that he’d been crumpling and reached across the table to dab at Phayu’s shirt. The second the slightest bit of pressure was put to Phayu’s chest, he recoiled with a hiss, as if he was in pain.
Sky looked up at him incredulously, worried that he’d somehow hurt the man. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, Sky, I’m alright.” Phayu pulled the napkin out of Sky’s hand, trying his hardest not to draw too much attention to his chest.
Sky, who reminded Phayu way too much of himself, of course wasn’t as easily distracted by Rain. No matter how swift Phayu thought he was in covering the spot on his shirt, Sky was quicker.
“That’s not coffee, is it?” he questioned.
If it had been anyone else Phayu would have laughed it off. Even Rain or Prapai, Phayu would have tried to change the subject. They could both be distracted if you could get them talking about something they were interested in. Sky was the opposite, a latcher, Phayu would say. He grabbed on even tighter to things that were brushed off like they were nothing, and his mind would run with it if he didn’t get an explanation. Phayu had seen it a few times, and he wasn’t going to let it happen now. “No, it’s not coffee.” Sky didn’t seem like he wanted to question it, but Phayu wanted him to know. He had been vulnerable in inviting Phayu out and opening up about his mother, it was his turn to return the favor. “I have this little… issue, I guess you could call it, where I, uh… produce stuff. From my pecs.”
Sky was at a loss for words. His mouth opened, and then closed again. Phayu was very sure that they were taking a few steps backwards into the relationship he’d slowly built up with Sky, and while it was a bit disappointing, he prayed to whatever gods out there that it wouldn’t affect his friendship with Rain. Phayu could handle Sky looking at him a bit differently, but he’d never forgive himself if his issue caused a rift between his boyfriend and his boyfriend's best friend.
“So you lactate?” Sky asked after a minute. “That’s… interesting.” Despite the hesitation there, Phayu could tell that he wasn’t just trying to be nice. He was just trying to find the right words without offending Phayu.
“You can ask,” Phayu told him, the same thing he told Rain when he found out. “Anything you want, nothing’s off limits.”
“Anything?” Sky questioned, raising an eyebrow when Phayu nodded. “Does Rain know?”
“Of course. I told him a little bit after we got together.”
“How did it start?”
“Hormone imbalance. Breast tissue developed and then milk came in.”
Sky shot him a shocked look. “I thought you just worked out your chest a lot.”
Phayu smirked. “That’s what I want you to think.”
“Have you seen a doctor about it?”
“Sort of? They’re the ones that told me it was a hormone imbalance. I sort of left it at that when I found out there was nothing too wrong with me.”
Sky was never one to question someone’s sex life, but he was a little too curious and Phayu did say anything so, “Do you guys…?”
Luckily for Sky, Phayu just laughed it off. “Not particularly. Rain and I played around with it a few times, but he’s mostly uninterested. For me, it’s more of an inconvenience than anything. They’re tender, as you saw when you went to wipe at my shirt, and obviously,” he gestured to the slowly, but steadily, growing wet spot on his shirt, “leaks happen.”
“How do you get it out?” was what Sky thought would be his last question.
Phayu looked a bit sheepish, his hand coming up to brush the strands of hair that fell out of his bun out of his face. “Sometimes if Rain’s feeling up to it he’ll help… you know.” Sky understood. “If it gets really bad, almost like it is now, I have a pump.” Phayu’s voice got quiet towards the end, embarrassment taking over.
“Should we go then? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
Phayu went to shake his head, to tell Sky that it wasn’t that bad, but Sky was already standing. It was probably for the best, seeing as he really did need to take some of the pressure off. He walked Sky to his taxi, since the younger man wouldn’t allow Phayu to drive him home, and then left himself, eager to fix his little issue as soon as possible.
Sky couldn’t stop thinking; a dangerous game for someone like him to play. Thinking turned into fantasizing and fantasizing turned into yearning and yearning turned into guilt. It only took a few days for him to turn up at Prapai’s condo in tears, telling him that he needs Prapai to break up with him because he’s such a terrible person.
Prapai, who was much better at thinking rationally when Sky couldn’t, did not break up with him, and he was even able to get Sky calmed down enough to explain why he felt like he didn’t deserve to be with Prapai anymore.
Turns out that the only ones who knew of Phayu’s little issue with his chest were Sky and Rain, and Prapai’s biggest problem with the whole situation was that he was the last to find out.
“You do know I’m not the one you have to talk to about this though, right?” Prapai said softly into Sky’s hair as he rubbed his shoulder.
Sky, who had tucked himself into Prapai’s side, nodded, sniffling as he did so. “I don’t even know how to go about that though.” How do you ask your boyfriend's best friend, your best friend's boyfriend, to let you nurse from him?
“I can call Phayu and Rain to come here, or we can ask to go over there,” Prapai suggested.
“How are you so okay with this?”
Prapai pulled Sky up just enough so that he could look into his eyes. “My sweet Sky, I know you better than I know anyone in this world. You’ve been so sad these past weeks and I have no idea how to help. If this is what you need then I can’t give it to you, and I’d much rather you get it from someone that we both trust.”
Sky could see the sadness in Prapai’s eyes, and it hurt to know that he was the reason. As much as he wanted to feel better, he also wanted Prapai to feel better too, and Sky knew that they would only both feel better if they could figure this all out. “Can Phayu and Rain come here?”
“Of course, sweetheart.”
Prapai pressed a kiss to his forehead before standing to retrieve his phone. Sky wasn’t quite ready to confront everyone all in the same day, but he also knew that he’d most likely never be ready to admit everything that he just said to Prapai to not only Phayu, but Rain too. Getting it done and over with would be best.
They were there quick, far too fast for Sky to settle his nerves. He was about to head to the bathroom to splash his face with cold water when the doorbell rang, and Phayu and Rain were through the door just a moment later.
“Hi, P’Pai,” Rain greeted before bouncing over to Sky on the couch where he hadn’t moved since Prapai sat him down. “P’Phayu said that P’Pai said that you wanted to talk to us?”
Everything in Sky was screaming to deny. To tell them that it was nothing and that they could leave, but one look at Prapai had Sky saying, “Uh, yeah.”
“What’s up?”
Rain looked so happy to even be there, so innocent, that Sky couldn’t bring himself to just say it. Telling your boyfriend that you want to drink from another man’s breasts was one thing, telling your best friend that you want to drink from his boyfriend was another.
Prapai could tell that Sky was choking up, and like any good boyfriend would, he took the lead in the conversation. He dragged two chairs over in front of the couch, sitting Phayu in front of Rain and himself in front of Sky before beginning. “Sky told me about how Phayu produces milk .” Sky stole a glance at Phayu, only getting a glimpse of a completely unreadable face before promptly looking back down at his lap. “He would like to try nursing from you, if that’s alright with you two.”
Sky’s face was burning. He couldn’t bring himself to look up from where his hands were gripping his pants like his life depended on it. It felt like it did, like if he moved, both Phayu and Rain would crucify him, Phayu for giving his secret away, and Rain for wanting to suck on his boyfriend’s nipples.
“What– when did you tell Sky?” Rain asked. Sky was relieved to find that his easily worked up friend didn’t sound worked up at all. Just confused.
“When we went for coffee a few days ago,” Phayu answered. “I, uh… leaked. Sky noticed.”
“It’s fine with me.”
Sky whipped his head to his friend. His extremely jealous friend who still holds a grudge against one of Phayu’s married coworkers because she once picked a piece of dust out of Phayu’s hair.
Prapai laughed nervously. “Let’s not go into this without making sure everyone’s on the same page though.”
“Sky wants to nurse from P’Phayu. P’Phayu is always uncomfortable because I don’t really like the taste of his milk so he has to pump, which he hates and doesn’t do as often as he should.” Rain sent a very pointed look towards an unnaturally sheepish looking Phayu. “It’s perfect.”
“I’m alright with it too. As long as you and Sky are.” Phayu told Prapai.
Sky appreciated that Phayu was still making sure it was okay with him. He was already so overwhelmed, and from the looks of where things were heading, it was only going to get worse.
“This isn’t like… a sexual thing, is it?” Prapai asked. “Because if it is, I think we need to talk a lot more than just this.”
“No,” Sky replied quietly, but quickly. “At least for me it isn’t. I don’t know how to explain what it is, but I don’t think I’ll find something like that arousing.”
“Not for me either,” Phayu added on.
Prapai looked over each of them. Sky’s heartbeat was deafening, drowning out the silence of the room as he scanned each of their faces. He knew that Prapai was a huge sucker for consent, even before he learned about all the Gun stuff. It was important for him to know that everyone felt the same way about something, that no one felt pressured because it was something that someone else wanted.
He must not have found any hesitation, because although he asked once more if they were all really sure, after everyone confirmed that it was okay, he nodded. “Alright, let's do this then.”
Rain was the first to stand, seeming almost more excited than Sky felt on the inside. He ushered Phayu to stand and get him ready, while Sky focused back on his own boyfriend.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” he asked Prapai, because no one really checked in on him.
With the softest smile that always made Sky melt whenever he pulled it out, Prapai said, “Anything to make my Sky feel better.”
“I understand that, but you don’t mind that it’s going to be P’Phayu and not you?”
Prapai shook his head. “I trust you, and I trust Phayu and Rain as well. We’re family, no need to be jealous.”
Getting everyone situated was surprisingly the hardest part. In all of his fantasies of nursing from Phayu, Rain and Prapai weren’t there. Phayu sometimes wasn’t even there, instead a faceless man taking his place with the same build as Phayu. Sky hid his face behind his hands while Phayu and Rain switched places, unable to look at anyone now that it was really happening.
He did need to remove them when it was his turn to position himself for Phayu to feed him. Sky was surprised to find him already shirtless, his nipples swollen and milk already beading at the tips. Like this, Sky could tell that Phayu’s chest more closely resembled a pair of breasts rather than pecs like Prapai’s did. They were perkier, rounder towards the back instead of all over the way it would be if Phayu had muscle there rather than tissue and milk.
“Rain, can I have a pillow please?” Phayu broke the silence to ask, also breaking a bit of the tension as he did so. Rain retrieved one of the decorative pillows for him, tucking it underneath Phayu’s arm so that he could better hold Sky’s head without getting tired.
All that was left was for Sky to lay back in Phayu’s lap, which he did very slowly after a nod from Phayu. Sky would lay in Prapai’s arms like this all the time, finding comfort in being cradled by the person he loved the most. While it wasn’t the same as when Prapai did it, Phayu was still quite comfortable.
He didn’t quite know what to do with his hands, so he kept them awkwardly at the side while Phayu did some final adjustments. Looking down at Sky, he gave him a little smile, and then said, “Whenever you’re ready.”
Sky glanced over at Prapai, just to make sure that it was really okay, that he could really have this, and when Prapai nodded at him, he let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. With one last look up at Phayu, because it felt wrong to not at least try to show him how grateful he was, Sky parted his lips and leaned in to wrap them around his nipple.
The milk that was already dribbling out instantly coated Sky’s tongue, barely giving him a preview of what was to come. A gentle suck wasn’t quite enough to pull more out, but with Rain behind him telling him that he’d have to suck sort of hard if he wanted to actually get anything, Sky did just that. His mouth didn’t quite flood with Phayu’s milk like he half-expected, but he got more than a few drops. His eyes fluttered shut as the warmth of the milk spread over his tongue, the taste unlike anything he’d ever had before. Sky was already in love, and he’d barely just begun.
He gained enough confidence to suck again, and then again, and soon he’d found a decent rhythm. It was slow, probably much slower than was comfortable for Phayu, but Sky was savoring every last drop. He wanted the moment to last forever, or at least longer than he thought it would if he drank at a normal pace.
Sky did nearly pull off when Phayu winced though, only a light pressure at the back of his head keeping him latched on.
“You’re okay,” Phayu whispered to him. “Less teeth though, sweetheart.”
Sky realized then that he was almost biting Phayu each time he sucked. He made sure to stop closing his jaw with each suck, using his tongue to draw the milk out and his lips to stay latched around Phayu’s areola.
They continued like that until Phayu’s left breast ran dry for the first time in months. Sky whined unhappily until he was reminded that there was another full, leaky tit waiting for him, all he had to do was turn around.
“Are you sure you want more?” Phayu asked, and what a silly question that was because of course Sky wanted more. He nodded eagerly to show just how much.
There was one thing that he wanted a little bit more though, and that was Prapai. He reached a hand out to show that, words feeling like a little too much at the moment. Prapai seemed to understand though, he always understood what Sky needed, even before Sky did.
He sat down on Phayu’s left just as Sky got into position, able to look up right at both Prapai and Phayu. He felt so safe like this, so protected. Nothing bad could happen as long as he was in the arms of Phayu and Prapai.
Right before Sky latched on and finished up his meal, he realized there was still something missing. He blindly reached behind him, cooing happily when Rain’s hand found his before tugging Rain in the direction of Prapai. He didn’t have to explain to them what he wanted, Prapai opened his arms and Rain sat down in his lap, coming into Sky’s field of view just a moment later.
He smiled contentedly before reaching up with one hand to cup Phayu’s breast to guide his nipple to his mouth. Once he was latched on and drawing Phayu’s milk into his mouth, Sky relaxed fully, letting out a deep sigh and allowing his eyes to flutter shut once more.
They only opened when he felt a finger trace down his cheek. He’d recognize that finger anywhere, the same soft, yet strong finger that traces patterns onto his face every night before they go to sleep.
“Such a pretty baby,” Prapai whispered. “Thank you for letting us all have this.”
Sky wasn’t sure if all four of them were going to like it once they got started, but the look Rain gave Phayu right before giving him the softest kiss Sky had ever seen from them, and the way they all gazed down at Sky right after they parted, everything was falling right into place.
They watched Sky sleep for a while without speaking, long enough for the streak of milk from the corner of his lip down his cheek to dry. Phayu was the first to break the silence.
“He asked me about my mom. If I missed her,” he told them. He wasn’t sure if he was going to bring it up out of respect for Sky’s privacy, but the four of them were all involved in this now. They had a right to know. “I think he misses something he never got a chance to have.”
Rain piped up from where he was laying in the crook of Prapai’s neck, nearly falling asleep himself. “Sky’s mom left when he was four. Wouldn’t he have had this?”
“Maybe, but that doesn’t mean anything if he doesn’t remember his mother’s love. He felt it when he was a baby, and then it was suddenly gone,” Phayu explained.
“He’s got you now, mama,” Prapai teased, though there was a hint of seriousness underneath the joke.
“Mama Phayu actually suits you well,” Rain said around a yawn, and then he too was lost to sleep.
Phayu hummed, glancing at the boys before landing on Phayu. “I’ll only be the mama if you’re willing to be the daddy. I can’t raise two boys alone.”
“As long as you can promise me we aren’t getting pregnant again for a while. Going from none to two is a big step,” Prapai joked, fully without any hint of seriousness this time. Phayu would have laughed if he weren’t so worried about waking them up.
“I think two is perfect.”