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“This is the dumbest fraggin’ idea I’ve ever heard.” Ironhide crossed his arms and glared at both Optimus and Megatron. “Y’all can’t be serious.”
“We are entirely serious,” Optimus replied. “Alliance bondings were a traditional way of sealing alliances or treaties in vorns past, both on Cybertron and Earth.”
“Yeah, but those were between ruling families! Not random soldiers!”
“Soundwave offered to bond to Autobot officer of choice,” the deployer reminded them.
“And I refused to allow it,” Megatron replied. “Especially when we can so neatly solve an annoyance for both our armies.”
“Personally, I’m looking forward to seeing their faces when we tell them,” Jazz said, putting his feet up on the negotiating table. “I bet Vortex’ll do that thing with his rotors–”
“Enough, Jazz.” Optimus cut off his spymaster quickly. “They’re here.”
Vortex and First Aid, escorted by Prowl on one side and Shockwave on the other, stepped into the conference room and looked at their leaders with confusion. A klik later, Prowl and Shockwave moved to their seats at the negotiating table as Optimus and Megatron approached the pair.
“Congratulations,” Megatron began, “The two of you will be bonding to secure our treaty.”
“Megatron, you can’t say it like that!” Optimus sighed. “They have the option to decline, after all.”
“Uh.” Vortex’s rotors twitched and he turned to First Aid with confusion. “What the frag did we miss?”
First Aid shrugged.
“Honestly.” Starscream swept back into the conference room, from wherever he had been hiding while the rest of the leadership teams had been waiting for Prowl and Shockwave to escort their chosen mechs. “The two of you can’t explain your way out of a box. We’re securing the peace treaty with an arranged bonding. Our glorious leaders, in their infinite wisdom, have decided that the two of you are the sacrificial sheepacrons.”
“Oh!” First Aid’s visor dimmed for a moment. Then it brightened and she squared her shoulders. “Well, I don’t mind if Vortex doesn’t.”
“Yeah.” Vortex gave the impression of grinning as his rotors fanned out. “Might be fun.”
“Thank Primus,” Megatron said emphatically. “I have grown weary of watching the two of you make shiny optics at each other across the battlefield.”
“But I’m not gonna be the one telling Onslaught,” Vortex continued, giving Megatron a look that might have been intimidating if he hadn’t also been reaching for the Protectobot’s hand. “And Aid shouldn’t have to tell Hot Spot either.”
Optimus sighed and nodded.
“Well that was anticlimatic,” Jazz drolled.