Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When Earth falls, they’re not even aware. In fact, it takes them several few days to know about it, and they only do so because they establish contact with Teal’c in Dakara. Before that fateful call, everything had been fun and happiness.

Daniel, Vala, and Cam had finally gotten permission from General Landry to visit Sam in Atlantis, with the excuse of Daniel’s pressing need to dive deep into the Ancients’ database, and Cam’s suggestion that he learned how to pilot a Jumper from John Sheppard. Vala, of course, just wanted to tag along.

That moment when they arrived from the Daedalus seems so far away now, that Sam needs to remind herself not that much time has passed. But time is a strange thing: it seems to have slowed down since Teal’c delivered his message, as if the uncertainty and the grief she’s feeling froze them all in place.

His words resound clearly in her head; she can hear his deep voice delivering the blow as calmly as ever.

“General Landry contacted us a few hours ago. He said the autodestruct was set in the mountain, and that Earth was lost. We have attempted to establish a connection with the gate, but have been unsuccessful. It seems the outpost in Antarctica was destroyed as well. The alpha, beta, and gamma sites are also irresponsive. Perhaps they buried their gates. I am sorry, Colonel Carter”.

The words keep replaying in her mind, leaving more questions than answers each time she hears them. She wonders if the Daedalus made it back and fell into the wrong hands. Or maybe they realized what was happening and turned back to the Pegasus Galaxy. Or to any of the sites. She wonders if they are safe and have buried their gates as Teal’c suggested, or if they fell just as easily as Earth. She wonders who made Earth fall.

She wonders if she’ll ever see Jack again.

The quite real possibility that he’s dead hasn’t completely entered her mind. A few times those treacherous thoughts have slithered in, but she just suppressed them quickly.

Jack must be alive.

She won’t accept any other possibility.

For the moment, the whole city is on red alert, with armed guards posted next to the gate at all times, waiting for the few teams who were off-world to return. The outposts they have on this galaxy have been contacted and reinforced with extra security—they don’t really know if they’ll have to make use of them, after all. Since Sam gave him the order, McKay has been working non-stop to reinforce the city’s shields. For all they know, they might be attacked next.

And yet, Sam has been vague at best about why they need to reinforce security. Of course, everyone knows something bad must have happened, but she hasn’t even told the senior staff members yet.

She knows she can’t delay it forever.

She wishes she could.

But leading this city is her duty, and she knows she must tell them as soon as possible. If anything, so that they stop looking at her trying to decipher her innermost thoughts. If anything, so that she can share the burden with someone.

It’s late when she calls them to the conference room. She observes the slight surprise in John’s eyes when Cam, Daniel, and Vala also enter the room. They’re supposed to be just guests. They shouldn’t have any say in how business is conducted in the city. She can almost hear John’s thoughts as clearly as Teal’c’s words.

But, of course, SG-1’s status as mere guests has changed under the new circumstances. She just needs the strength to tell them all about them.

“What’s going on, Sam?” McKay demands to know.

She’s aware he must be quite close to deducing what’s happened on his own. After all, he’s as smart as she is—smarter, he would say, and she’d disagree—. Still, it’s impossible to deny that he must have already put two and two together and is waiting for the confirmation.

She wonders if anyone else might be so close to the truth as the Canadian.

Their eyes are serious, and she realizes they are.

They have all deduced what it is that has happened. They are just waiting for her to deliver the news. The same blow she received from Teal’c, only that they have had some time to prepare for it; to anticipate just how much it might hurt.

She didn’t have that privilege.

For a second, before answering the anxious scientist, Sam observes the expressions of her crew. Her eyes stop on Teyla’s baby bump, and suddenly it feels harder to say the words. It’s not like Teyla’s people have been found either.

But perhaps her pregnancy is a symbol of hope, of the future, of the fact that life, despite everything, makes its way.

“Well?” McKay insists, and Sam realizes she’s been quiet for too long.

She clears her throat and squares her shoulders. She knows it’s better to get it over with, to rip the band aid off in one fast pull.

“Earth has fallen”.

It’s somehow easier to say than what she has been imagining.

Her words do have the effect she has been picturing in her mind. There’s a big fuss in which McKay and Daniel want more explanations, whereas Cam and John’s faces simply blanch. The aliens, Vala, Ronon, and Teyla, though foreign to Earth, also seem to be quite taken aback from the news.

After a couple of seconds of chaos, John takes the initiative.

Sam braces for impact.

“What do you mean ‘fallen’?”

“Teal’c contacted us from Dakara. General Landry gave him the message. The Jaffa have tried dialing back to Earth without success. They haven’t been able to contact any of the off-worlds sites either”.

“But that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re dead”, Daniel says, to which Rodney adds:

“Exactly, they, they might have just buried their gates in order to protect themselves”.

“That might be so”, Sam concedes. Sam wishes. “But until we get contacted by them, we have to assume the worst. The red alert stays until further notice. We might very well be Earth’s remaining citizens”.

“Aren’t we going to try and liberate Earth?” Cam breaks the few moments of silence.

“Not for the moment, no”.

“But Sam!” Daniel protests.

“The decision is made, Daniel”.

“You can’t just give up on Earth!” the comment hurts, especially because it comes from her oldest friend there. Maybe her oldest friend anywhere in the universe.

“I’m not giving up. We simply don’t have enough information to do any other thing but prepare for what might be an imminent attack”.

Her voice is calm but has an authoritative edge to it that she hopes can placate the archeologist.

She’s wrong, of course.

“But what about Jack?”

She has to take a deep breath this time, because the shot stings; because ever since she heard the news, that question has been dancing in her mind; because the answer she now gives him is unsatisfactory for everyone.

“Jack’s resourceful. If he can, he’ll make it back to us”.

“How can you just say that? How can you turn your back on Earth? On him?”

“Daniel…” Cam warns him, and she appreciates that at least he’s on her side.

“The decision is final”.

“He’s your husband!”

The exchange was already tense, but now the shock is tangible in everyone who didn’t know about her marital status—namely, everyone except Cam, Daniel, and Vala. She tries to stay calm—this is Daniel, he means no harm. This is just his way of showing he cares about his friends.

“He is resourceful”, she repeats, slowly, trying to emphasize that she will not accept any other possibility. “And I am in charge, so the decision is mine, and it’s final”.

Daniel is quiet now. Everyone is. Even Rodney.

The severity of the situation has clearly been conveyed. At least, she’s satisfied by that.

“So, we’re just going to sit and wait?”

“What are you going to tell the people?”

The questions, one by Rodney, the other by Daniel, come at the same time. She hesitates as to what to answer first. She settles for the latter.

“I’ll tell them the truth. Just like you, they are definitely suspecting something is very wrong. I want to ask you that you don’t say anything until I make the announcement. I will make it in the morning”.

It’s late, better let everyone sleep without nightmares at least one more night.

“As for what we’re going to do; for the moment, we’re going to reinforce our defenses, and our defense protocols. We’ll wait for the recalled off-world teams to return and cancel non-essential off-world missions. There’s a lot we don’t know about what happened—we don’t know if any of Earth’s ships have been compromised. Thankfully, Midway station was destroyed, so we don’t have to worry about that, but we can take no chances from anyone coming from the Milky Way”.

“So… we’re going to sit and wait”, Cameron summarizes and Sam closes her eyes in defeat.

“In a way”, she replies, and hopes the conversation will finally end.

When nobody says anything else, she breathes.

“Okay. Dismissed. Go to bed, get some rest. Let’s meet tomorrow morning before the city-wide announcement”.

Everybody starts getting up, the mood gloomy from the news. Before they all leave, Sam calls John and Cam.

“John, Cam, stay for a second, please”.

Daniel claps Cam’s shoulder affectionately before he leaves, and Teyla has a similar gesture for John. It’s good to see such supportive friendships. Sam knows they’re going to need them.

Both officers stay back, standing almost in attention. Protocol is lax in Atlantis, so Sam appreciates the moment of seriousness.

“John, Cam, you’re the senior officers here. I’m going to need your support and your advice”.

“Of course”.

“Count on it”.

She smiles for the first time in what seems ages.

“Thank you”.

Cam squeezes her forearm affectionately and, for a second, it’s just two friends trying to give each other support.

“It’s one thing to be the leader of this city, and another to be the leader of what’s left of humanity”, John says from his spot, wanting to show his support as well.

But the way he phrases it makes the reality of her responsibility crash in on her.

Her lips twitch in what she tries is another smile.

John seems to realize that his words were not exactly helpful, because he tries to amend them:

“What I meant is, we’re here for you, to help you with anything you might need in this… situation”.

Cam nods in agreement.

“Thank you”, she repeats, honestly grateful for their help. “I truly appreciate it. Now, go rest”.

“You too, Sam”.

“Rest”.

“I will”.

But she knows she won’t.

Chapter Text

Throughout her career, Sam has given countless talks in the form of conferences, mission debriefings, lectures, eulogies, and many more. She has addressed generals and world leaders, alien dignitaries, and even much more evolved races. And yet, she feels like a first-year cadet as she prepares to inform everybody of the horrible news.

She’s waiting for the last few people to come, and she’s mentally reviewing the exact words she will use.

Only, they change every time she does.

The meeting she had with SG-1 and the senior staff—and those two categories are conflating more and more as each second goes by—was not the most helpful meeting in the world. She supposes nobody was able to really sleep, and that’s why the suggestions they gave her seemed to be taken out of a self-help book.

It’s okay. She can’t really blame them.

She’s alone.

John’s words from last night resound in her mind: it’s one thing to be the leader of this city, and another to be the leader of what’s left of humanity.

In that newfound responsibility that she didn’t ask for, loneliness has made itself patent.

And it’s only day two.

She sighs and takes a deep breath—everybody who can be there is already there. No more delays.

She’s the leader, and has to act like one.

Moving towards the center of the room, she suddenly hears two distinct voices:

“Come on, Sammie, Carters aren’t quitters”, says her father, and, almost in unison, Jack’s voice follows:

“You got this, Carter”.

She’s definitely losing her mind.

And it’s only day two.

“Thank you all for coming”, she begins, ignoring the fact that attendance was mandatory. Well, she had to open with something. She clears her throat, that has never felt drier, and continues, “what I have to tell you all today is something that I wish I never had to say. There’s no point in delaying the news, so I’ll just say it: Earth has fallen”.

Audible gasps follow her words. Some people begin to cry silently. Before long, a soft murmur of people talking invades the room. Sam allows it for a bit—she wants to give people time to begin processing the news.

But the period of grace is soon over.

When she resumes speaking, everybody quiets down.

“I know this is hard. And I don’t expect you to be at your 100% right now, but we are under red alert. We simply don’t know if we’ll be the next target, so until I say otherwise, we’re going to reinforce our defenses and be ready for any impending attacks. I am aware that the situation is stressful and that we might need time to work through our pain and other emotions, but I need you all to try and give your best. Hopefully, we’ll have more information soon”.

Sam stops talking for a second, and looks at the faces of the members of the expedition. Some of the most brilliant scientific minds of the world are now looking at her in pure distress.

It’s heartbreaking.

And terrifying.

She needs to reassure them—they need her to offer some words of comfort. She hopes they don’t sound too disingenuous.

“You are strong and capable. You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t. I know I’m asking a lot of you, but I need you. The future of mankind depends on what we do here these coming weeks, months or even years. But one thing I want to make clear: we are in this together. When we work together, we’re stronger than anyone in this galaxy or the next”.

The speech is done. Sam hopes it hasn’t demoralized the expedition much. She knows morale is almost as important as any safety drill they might have.

She takes a deep breath, and realizes that nobody’s moving. The murmuring that had invaded the room earlier is nowhere to be found this time. Maybe she has demoralized them.

“Any questions?” she asks, because she can’t stand the silence.

There’s a bit of hesitation before a young lieutenant named Kerry raises her hand.

“Lieutenant?”

“Are we sure Earth has fallen? Can it not be… I don’t know… a glitch in the communications?”

Sam hates that she has to destroy every hope of the young woman.

“It was no glitch. General Landry informed the Jaffa in Dakara. Later, they tried to make contact with Earth and the off-world bases but were unsuccessful”.

“So, there’s still hope”, dr. Keller exclaims.

“There is, but…” Sam concedes and is interrupted by captain Vega.

“Ma’am, are we going to try and reclaim Earth?”

Sam has to take a deep breath before she answers, knowing there will be protests.

“Not for the time being”.

Indeed, people start whispering louder, and the captain tries to persuade her.

Of course, it won’t work. It didn’t last night when Daniel used the husband card, it won’t today. She hasn’t changed her mind.

“Ma’am, if I may protest, I believe the more we wait, the harder it’ll be to retake the planet”.

She’s not angry. In fact, she appreciates the fighting spirit of the officer—it’s better to be productive than to plunge into depression.

“I understand, captain Vega, but we don’t have any ships that could get us back to Earth; Midway station was destroyed earlier this year; and we simply will not waste any ZPMs on a suicidal mission. None of our gates have responded—we would have to gate somewhere near the planets of the sites. There are too many unknowns, and the risks are too high”.

“But ma’am…”

“I will not lead the remaining citizens of Earth to destruction, captain. My duty is to protect this city and the members of the expedition, and that is precisely what I intend to do. If we get some answers, some information, I’ll reconsider my position. For now, we hunker down. We prepare. Understood?”

“Yes, ma’am”.

“Any more questions?”

There’s silence, but Sam knows there are many more questions that are going to be left unsaid for the time being. She herself has a myriad of them, starting with: how is life going to be from now on?

“Okay. Dismissed. Wait for orders from your direct superiors”, she’s ready to be done, when she feels the need to add, “and if you need anything, you know where to find me”.

She hopes she can offer some comfort.

Perhaps she needs to offer it. To feel in control. Less alone.

She doesn’t really know.

Everybody disperses, even the Atlantis senior staff. Cam follows John, probably wanting to check the Jumpers (that she won’t allow to take for a test flight). Vala is entertained by Ronon and Teyla, who lead her out to the gym, Sam guesses. She’s seen McKay arguing vividly with Zelenka, so they must have gone to revise the city’s shields. The only one she hasn’t located is Daniel, and he almost gives her a heart attack when he places his hand on her shoulder from behind.

“Geez, Daniel, you scared the hell out of me!”

“Sorry!” he replies with his hands in a placating gesture, “I didn’t mean to”.

Sam shakes her head. She supposes she’s been on edge ever since receiving the news; as if the red alert that invades the city has been going off in her head as well.

“Walk with me to my office?” she suggests, which Daniel is quick to accept.

They walk in silence along the corridors of the city, so different from the grey concrete walls they were accustomed to. A fleeting, sobering thought enters her mind: those corridors must be rubble by now. She doesn’t let it linger for long.

Soon, they’re entering her office. It has always made her feel exposed, and today it feels as if the transparent walls surrounding them are acting as a magnifying glass. If only a ray of sun could make her combust into flames.

“Well?” she asks Daniel, to break the strange silence that has invaded them. It’s not like him at all. But the circumstances are anything but ordinary.

“It was good. You did well”, he replies.

“But you don’t agree with me”.

“The fact that I don’t doesn’t prevent me from appreciating your efforts today. I think, despite everything, you offered some comfort to the expedition”.

Sam gets up from the seat where she had plopped onto as soon as she entered the office. She begins pacing, not at all convinced by what he’s said.

“I mean it, Sam”, Daniel reads her like an open book. “You are a good leader; everybody knows that. It was patent today”.

She turns to look at him, and sees honesty in his eyes. She offers a small smile that he corresponds.

She sits down again.

“I’m not sure how to be a leader right now, if I’m honest”, she confesses.

“I guess you don’t need to change anything. You were doing a great job before—you just… keep doing what you were doing”.

“I don’t know if what I was doing before can apply to our current situation”.

“I mean, in essence you were keeping everyone safe. That’s what you need to do”.

“It’s easier said than done”.

“It is”, he concedes. “But we’re here for you. You know that”.

“I do”. She squeezes his hand, and it feels comforting to have some physical contact. It makes her feel less alone.

“And, for what is worth, I wouldn’t want to be led by anyone else in the universe during the apocalypse”.

Sam scoffs.

“I appreciate the sentiment”, she says, nonetheless.

Daniel nods, and gets up to leave.

“I’d better go see what Vala is up to. I wouldn’t want her to blow up the city”.

Sam gets up after him, and places her hand at the small of his back.

“You two, Daniel, you make a good couple. I think… I think that kind of support is going to be important in these circumstances”.

Daniel’s eyes are sad, and she knows he’s trying hard not to bring up Jack. After all, they already had the discussion—in front of everyone!—about going after him or not. It’s the main cause for disagreement between them. And it’s not something that can or will be resolved in a conversation.

“Jack’s resourceful”, Daniel finally says, repeating her same words from last night. It’s, in a way, a peace offering—a way of saying that, although he doesn’t agree with her decision, he cares about her and Jack, and he will be there to support her.

Sam nods her head in silence, unable to say anything else without allowing her emotions get the best of her.

When he leaves, she sits at her desk, and wishes once again that the office weren’t a giant fishbowl. If it weren’t, she’d probably break down crying—to release some of the tension; of the pain.

Since it is, and she wishes to project an image of control, she doesn’t cry. She simply buries herself deep in work—it is her usual way of coping.

Perhaps, if she works enough, she’ll figure out how to help Earth. Perhaps, if she works enough, she’ll notice something she might have missed from her call with Teal’c.

Perhaps, if she works enough, she’ll simply collapse from exhaustion.

That one seems quite possible, so that’s at least what she aspires to.

Chapter Text

The next three days the mood is a strange mixture between somber and alert. For three days, they expect an attack that doesn’t come.

“That doesn’t mean anything”, Sam is ready to remind everyone. “For all we know, they are traveling from the Milky Way”.

“We’ll keep on waiting, then”, John suggests as she nods.

“Did the Jaffa answer?” Cam asks then.

“No”, Sam allows the word to linger in the air for a second. “We haven’t been able to establish contact with them since Teal’c called us”.

She hasn’t really been wanting to think what that might mean. But McKay has no filter, so he asks:

“What does that mean? Have they also been wiped out?”

“Rodney!” John admonishes him.

“What? I just asked what everyone’s thinking!” he defends himself. And he is right.

“I know that not having answers is not something you’re comfortable with, Rodney”, Sam tells him, “but we can’t just assume the Jaffa have been destroyed… just like we can’t assume they haven’t. We’ll keep trying to contact them”.

Silence reigns supreme, as it has for the past few days. Sam doesn’t remember these meetings ever being so tense, not even when she first arrived to replace dr. Weir. The only consolation is that neither the Wraith nor the Replicators have tried anything against them. At least, if things can be quiet in this galaxy, they can worry about what might come from the next.

“Anything else?”

“We began the Bantos training with the first batch of scientists today”, Teyla says. It is something that has become a necessity—civilians need some basic hand to hand and self-defense trainings. Not that they were all too keen to agree, but the present circumstances have made them at least less reluctant to do so.

“Good. What are your impressions so far?” Sam asks, happy to focus on something they can actually control.

“They need some practice”, the Athosian replies diplomatically, while Ronon adds:

“And a miracle”.

Sam can’t help the smile that comes to her face. They’ve been so scarce lately that she wonders if her face will be sore tomorrow.

“They don’t need to be the warriors that you are”, she tries, “just some basic instruction in case the time comes when they need to defend themselves”.

“We know”, Teyla replies, “I believe we’ll make good progress with them”.

“Good. Let me know if you want somebody else to help you. I’m sure major Lorne wouldn’t mind”.

“We’ll keep it in mind. I think for the moment we’re doing alright”.

“Perfect. Do give me the schedule and the list of the different groups, so I know who’s busy when”.

“I will”.

Sam nods, and the topic is over. Before she asks once again if anybody else has something to say, dr. Keller speaks.

“Colonel, if I may, I’m a bit concerned by the mental well-being of the members of the expedition”.

What mental well-being? Sam wants to ask, but, instead, she says: “It’s understandable that people are having issues coping with the news”. That’s the understatement of the century.

“Yes, I know”, the young doctor replies, “but I’ve been having multiple requests for sleeping pills, and I worry the supply can quickly dwindle”.

Sam appreciates that Jennifer is talking about the more practical aspects of limiting their supplies rather than the more nebulous concept of mental health. She wishes, not for the first time, that dr. Heightmeyer were alive. They didn’t have time to replace her, which means they have no psychologist in the city.

Which explains the high demand for sleeping pills.

“Unless it’s a medical emergency, nobody should have access to the pills. This applies to every other medication as well. Food and other supplies we can acquire, but medicine without Earth… it’ll be harder”.

“I will limit the supply”.

“Thanks. This actually brings me to another topic I wanted to discuss with you: I am still hesitant to restarting gate travel. However,” there’s a glint in Sheppard’s eyes—he knows where she’s going with this, “we haven’t really explored this planet. So, I am authorizing your team, John, to take a Jumper and do exactly that. We know it is mostly covered in water, so it’d be good to get to terra firma, see if there’s space to plant crops, and if there are valuable supplies we can get. Teyla, Ronon, you are the most familiar with this galaxy’s plant and animal life. Everything you find that is noteworthy I need you to report. Only bring things that can be properly quarantined, and be careful not to touch anything—”

“—yeah, yeah, we know the drill, Sam”, Rodney replies, but she shoots him daggers with her eyes.

“Cam, Vala, Daniel, you can join John’s team if you want. It might be a good idea to split into two groups to cover more ground”.

“Will do”, Cam replies, just as happy as anyone to finally be able to do something, and get out of the city, that has somehow become quite claustrophobic lately.

---------------------------------------------

“And I’m just saying that Zelenka claims his team has doubled our shields when they just increased by 1.8”.

“Rodney!” John interrupts the scientist’s fervent complaints.

The Jumper is crowded with the two teams, as Sam wanted to save most of their defensive (and offensive) resources. McKay’s constant ramblings just make John more claustrophobic. But he won’t admit that there’s part of him who would listen to Rodney ramble all day long.

“Sorry”, McKay apologizes, self-consciously.

After that, silence makes things tense between them all.

“Do you think the Colonel is right, caging us in the city?” Ronon asks, and his question has the effect of an atomic bomb.

“I do”, Rodney is quick to reply. “I think there are too many unknowns, and being in a defensive position is strategically beneficial”.

“Well, I’m boooored in the city”, Vala says next, “I’d rather be taking some risks, doing some gate travel, even if it is in this galaxy”.

Ronon harrumphs in agreement, but Teyla defends the command decision: “I believe Sam has her reasons not to want to restart gate travel again”.

“I just wish we could go to the Milky Way, get to see what’s happened with our own eyes”, Daniel laments, and John knows Mitchell is of the same opinion as the archeologist.

“What do you think, John?” Teyla asks him.

“I think we’ve just arrived”, he replies, as the mainland appears on their screen.

John lands the Jumper without issue, and both teams move out. Cam takes the lead to explain what was already discussed.

“We’ll split into our two teams: Sheppard’s will focus on looking for resources, such as medicinal plants, and we’ll focus on the lay of the land—on seeing what spots can be used to grow crops, etc.”

“Of course, if any of us finds what the other team is looking for, we’ll report it as well”, John adds.

“Any questions? No? Okay, let’s move”.

Both teams split, and for a couple of hours everything goes fine. Teyla finds several flowers she believes have medicinal properties, and packs them for the botanists to analyze. McKay seems happy that the planet is not populated, so they don’t have to worry about any unfriendly people.

John is just glad to be outside.

If he doesn’t think too hard, he can almost pretend that everything’s fine—that nothing life-altering has happened back home. That he has a home on Earth to get back to. But, if he’s truly honest with himself, he doesn’t really feel that loss as strongly as everybody else seems to be. He’s made a home in Atlantis and, if he never gets back to Earth, it won’t be the end of the world for him.

Of course, he can’t say that out loud.

But he can’t help but feel that way.

The team isn’t speaking as they keep on with their search. That is why, when colonel Mitchell calls for him on the radio, they all hear the distress, the panic, the urgency in his voice.

“Mitchell to Sheppard, we need to go back to the Jumper!” he doesn’t even wait for him to come in. “We need to go back! NOW!”

“Sheppard here. What’s wrong?”

“It’s Vala, she was bitten by a snake!”

“Snakes here were hi-highly venomous”, Rodney stammers.

“Come on, quickly!” John orders, but it’s been a couple of hours, and he doesn’t know if they can make it back to the Jumper—let alone to Atlantis—in time. “Fast!” he screams, trying to infuse the team with the same urgency that was present in Cam’s voice.

They run back as fast as they can or, at least, as fast as Rodney can, who’s the one dragging them behind. John would never blame the scientist’s lack of fitness, although he does wish he were in better shape.

When they get to the Jumper, Mitchell’s team is already there. Daniel is hovering over Vala’s prone body, as he fastens her securely to the Jumper. She’s pale and unconscious, and nobody can tell if it’s too late to save her.

“Quick, give here these”, Teyla says, opening up one of the containers for the botanists. “I think they might help with the venom”.

Daniel takes the plants from her and crushes them until they’re nothing but a pulp he can make his girlfriend swallow.

Meanwhile, John and Cam have already begun piloting the Jumper, hoping they can make it back in time.

The trip back to the city is completely tense and silent. The only words uttered are between Daniel and Teyla, who are trying desperately to stabilize Vala. Even Rodney has the decorum to remain quiet.

The only thing he says comes when Atlantis is already in front of them, and John has made sure the med-team of the city is aware of the dire situation they’re in.

“Maybe Sam was right not wanting us to get out of the city”, he says, and John would once again make the scientist shut up if he weren’t trying really hard to concentrate on landing the Jumper into the bay.

But then he shoots a glance towards Vala, who looks like a cadaver, and he can’t help but think that maybe Sam was indeed right.

Chapter Text

Vala was looking at her with a big smile on her lips—they had just arrived for their short vacation in the city. Daniel and Cam had already left her alone, wanting to waste no time in getting to their true reasons to be there: Ancient knowledge and Ancient technology, respectively.

Sam didn’t mind; she liked Vala. They had become quite close friends during her last two years at the SGC. It felt great to actually have her friends there, who were just happy to be there, with no expectations about responsibility or command.

“It is a beautiful view you have from here!” Vala exclaimed, her usual happiness shining through.

They were on the balcony of Sam’s own quarters, and it was true that the view was quite stunning: the ocean spread to the horizon, and the two—visible—moons were big and imposing.

“It is. One of the perks of being the boss is that I can choose the quarters with the best views”.

Vala patted the spot next to her on the railing, and Sam leaned there, looking at her friend in the face, just as happy as she was.

“I see you thriving here, Samantha”.

She giggled and considered the words for a second before answering.

“I think I am. The responsibility is sometimes overwhelming, but I am really enjoying working with this expedition”.

“I am truly glad, Samantha. You deserve it”.

“You know, Vala, the invitation is there for you to join us here. I’m sure Daniel wouldn’t mind moving to this galaxy, and I think you too would thrive here”.

“I’ll keep it in mind”.

------------------------------------------------

Leaning onto a different railing now, Sam can’t stop superimposing that moment of happiness to her present concern. Keller’s team has been working on stabilizing Vala for several minutes, and it doesn’t look good.

But Vala is a fighter, so Sam doesn’t lose hope.

Beside her, Daniel is glued to the glass, which is the only thing keeping him from jumping down to the operating room.

The rest of the members of the two teams are behind them both, just as concerned as they are. Teyla has just arrived from telling Jennifer’s team everything she knows about the plants she gave Vala when they boarded the Jumper. The city’s botanists have taken several samples to see if they can develop an antidote. Other than that, there’s nothing else none of them can do at the moment.

Nothing but wait and see.

Frustrating doesn’t even begin to cover how it feels.

But everyone there has been in this situation before. Both as the waiting teammate and as the person on the operating table. This is nothing new.

And yet.

There’s something Sam can’t really pinpoint, something in the air, permeating the room, that makes this feel somehow different.

Sam is berating herself for even thinking about sending the teams to explore the mainland, when they knew about the snakes ever since McKay selected this planet as their new home. She knows Cam is replaying every single action and decision he made up until Vala was bitten. She knows John is second-guessing his idea of splitting into two groups. Ronon is leaning to the back wall, but Sam has seen the expression of concern on his face—she knows he was quite fond of Vala.

Teyla has laid a hand on Daniel’s shoulder, wanting to comfort him. She’s probably going over the information she’s shared with the medical team, trying to think of the different herbs her people use to treat poison; trying to think of something that might have escaped her.

As for Daniel…

Sam can only imagine what must be going through his mind. She wonders if he’s remembering the pain, the grief he felt when Sha’re died. She wonders if his concern is so overwhelming that nothing else is important at the moment.

She knows he wishes it were him instead.

The tense silence that accompanies them contrasts starkly with the frantic orders uttered by dr. Keller below. Sam has the stray thought that she will lose her voice if she continues shouting like that.

And then Vala crashes.

“We’re losing her!” nurse Marie yells.

“Everybody, clear!” Jennifer orders with the defibrillator paddles in her hands.

She shocks Vala.

She’s still flat lining.

She shocks her again.

And again, nothing.

Seconds extend forever, sounds are muffled, and Sam can feel her own heart beat so fast she thinks it’s going to come out of her mouth.

The third time the doctor uses the paddles to revive her, there’s a second of silence; and then, the sound of Vala’s heart, beating again on its own, makes them all exhale a breath of relief.

“She’s back”, Keller states, almost inaudibly, and wipes sweat from her forehead.

She then looks up at them with a stricken expression, and Sam knows her next words will not be good news.

“We need to amputate her hand”, she says, and Daniel almost jumps through the glass.

“What? No!”

“Daniel…” Sam tries to reason with him.

“No! Isn’t there… there must be something else we can do!”

“Teyla’s herbs have helped to control the spread of the poison”, Jennifer explains from the operating room, “but her body is reacting to it, and she’s crashing trying to fight it. Our best bet is to cut”.

“No, no, no! There must be something we’ve overlooked, an Ancient device or something”.

“There isn’t anything, Daniel”, Sam says with grief in her voice.

“It’s either that, or losing her, dr. Jackson”, Keller adds.

Daniel’s eyes fill with unshed tears, but he nods. It’s better to lose a hand than to lose a life.

The doctor nods in understanding.

“Let’s prep her to amputate”, she instructs her team.

Daniel then turns around to face them all.

“Can you please leave?” he asks, his voice breaking in the process, “I need… I need to be alone for this”.

Everybody understands and starts to leave.

Sam moves towards her friend, and puts a hand on his shoulder, just like Teyla was doing before. However, this time Daniel brushes her off and moves away. He doesn’t want to be comforted, she knows.

She backs off.

“I’ll be… I’ll be in my office, if you need me”, she tells him, and then she addresses Jennifer below: “let me know when it’s over”.

What that might mean, Sam doesn’t know.

She tries to give Daniel as much support as she can muster with her eyes, and then she leaves him alone.

----------------------------------------

Just outside, in the corridor, Sam is ambushed by Cam and John, who want to talk to her about what happened. They haven’t really had a debriefing, since they all went straight to the operating room.

It’s the last thing she feels like doing at the moment.

But at least it’s doing something.

She leads them to her office without saying a single word.

Once inside, they all sit. Not a second goes by and both colonels start speaking at the same time.

“It was all my fault”.

“It was my idea”.

Sam knows their guilt well, for it is the same as her own. And yet, as the leader that she is, she knows she can’t let them simmer in that guilt. Just as she can’t either.

“Nobody could have predicted what happened. It’s nobody’s fault”.

“But Sam…”

“…if we had stayed together, maybe we could have…”

“Guys”, she cuts them, “I suggested that you split up to cover more ground. I sent you on that mission. Ultimately, the responsibility belongs to me”.

“Sam…”

“That’s not what we meant”.

“If you’re going to start a blaming game, that’s what you get”, she says, and stands up—she can’t just stay seated. She sniffles and clears her throat, and then asks them, “tell me, did you find something useful?”

“There were several places we could turn into crop fields”.

“And we got some interesting specimens of herbs, and McKay ran some readings on the soil and minerals; we’ll know more when the analyses come back”.

“Good, at least this wasn’t a complete waste”. Her words are harsh, but honest.

She looks at her colonels and sees their expressions. They break her heart. Not only are they worried about Vala, but it’s clear they’re worried about her too. She cannot cope with that.

She’s about to say something when she is paged by dr. Keller.

“Colonel Carter, Keller here”.

“Go ahead, Jennifer”, she says, and both Cam and John stand up with concern, eager to get the news.

“We’ve finished amputating. She’s not out of the woods yet, but she’s stabilizing. I believe Teyla’s plant worked in containing the venom”.

“That’s good news”. She shares a relieved look with the men in her office and continues, “I’m on my way to the infirmary."

“We’ll be expecting you. Keller out”.

“Good news, then”, John says.

“She’ll live?” Cam questions.

“It’s too early to say. But so far, the news aren’t bad. I’m going back to the infirmary”.

“We’ll come with you”.

“I knew you would”.

----------------------------------------------

They have moved Vala to one of the recovery beds, where they keep monitoring her progress. Doctor Keller has told him that it seems the herbs stopped the poison from spreading, so there’s a good chance that she’ll make it.

Daniel tries to find some small consolation in that.

She’s alive.

And it seems she’ll stay that way.

But he sees the stump where her hand used to be, and he feels a mixture of unrestrained anger and grief.

He wants to punch a wall.

He wants to get back to Earth and reclaim it by force.

He wants to curl up in a ball and cry.

He’s failed her. She counted on him, and he’s failed her. He should’ve taken care of the area Vala was reviewing—they switched just before she was bitten… It should have been him instead.

But then Sam appears and there’s a new target for his misdirected anger.

“Hey, how’s she doing?” she says, as she approaches Vala’s bed followed by Cam and John.

And anger simply blinds him.

He gets up and starts yelling at her.

“How do you think she’s doing?! She’s handless! Because of you. You did this to her!”

“Whoa, Daniel, calm down!” Cam tries to pacify him.

“It’s okay”, Sam says.

“No, it’s not!” Daniel’s not having any of it. “Nothing about this is okay! And it’s all your fault! And if we never get Earth back, it’ll be your fault as well!”

“Stop it, Daniel!” Cam seems angry too.

“Go away! Leave! All of you! Leave us alone!”

Sam accepts his anger without the fight he’s expecting.

“Let’s go”, she orders her colonels, and then tells a nurse, “let me know the minute she wakes up”.

“Yes, ma’am”.

Daniel sees them leave, but the urge to punch the wall doesn’t go with them.

Chapter Text

Vala wakes up nauseous. Hazy. Confused.

Where is she? What happened?

She feels as if her whole body should hurt, but doesn’t. They must have given her some of those numbing drugs the humans of the Tau’ri are so crazy about.

And yet the ghosts of pain travel up and down her body, reminding her of a moment, not that long ago, in which her whole body was on fire.

Why was her body on fire?

What happened?

She opens her eyes and sees Daniel next to her. She also notices the infirmary is not the SGC’s.

Atlantis.

That’s where she is.

And then she remembers.

The bite.

The pain.

The panic.

But mostly the pain.

The actual pain with an actual cause. The pain that is not a ghost but a memory, and even though it’s numbed at the moment, she expects it to resurface.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Daniel has realized she’s awake and he’s asking her with such a strangely gentle tone that it actually scares her.

It’s not that Daniel can’t be gentle with her—it’s that there’s something else in his voice, an edge she doesn’t truly recognize as the ire and frustration that they are, that sends a shiver down her spine.

She tries to speak, but no sound comes out of her mouth.

She must be more exhausted than she realized.

“I’ll get you some water”, he says when he sees her struggles.

Just as he leaves her for that moment, she wants to touch her throat, for it feels drier than ever, and that’s the moment she realizes.

Her hand.

It’s not there anymore.

It’s strange, because she could swear she still feels it.

Usually, under any other circumstance, Vala would try to find the upside to the situation. She would focus on the fact that she’s alive. She has gone through worse.

She thinks.

But somehow this unexpected blow has rendered her uncharacteristically pessimistic. She wants to cry. It’s not an urge she’s used to having.

Just then, Daniel arrives with a plastic cup of water.

“Here, let me help you”, he says, and her instincts of self-deprecation and deflection kick in.

“I may have lost a hand, but I can still drink by myself, Daniel”, she manages to say with a smile that she’s plastered on out of years and years of self-defensive tactics.

Daniel cringes at her words. The tactic hasn’t worked. She wanted to give some levity to the situation, despite the fact she wishes to cry herself. It’s clear that Daniel is not buying her attempt either.

He doesn’t give her the cup—he places it gently against her lips and she takes a few small sips. The water feels like a balm that cures her strained throat. Was it like that because she hasn’t spoken for hours? Or was it that the only thing she did was scream in the chaos of what happened? She doesn’t know.

“Better?”

“Yes, thanks”.

There’s silence between them and for once Vala doesn’t know how to fill it.

“I was hoping you wouldn’t notice right away…” Daniel confesses after what feels like an eternity.

“It’s hard to miss”.

It’s also hard to miss just how tense the silence that follows has become.

Is Daniel angry at her? Vala can’t help but wonder. She knows it was her fault that she was bitten in the first place.

“How much do you remember?” Daniel asks her eventually, but before she even begins to answer, doctor Keller arrives.

“Miss Mal Doran, you’re awake! You should have told me, doctor Jackson”.

“Yeah, well, sorry”.

His answer and his tone tell Vala that perhaps he isn’t angry at her specifically, but maybe at the situation.

Or at the doctor.

“It’s okay”, Jennifer answers with a compassionate smile, and Vala believes she’s trying to placate him. They must have had a disagreement. And of course it must have been about her. “I’m going to see how you’re doing”, the doctor adds and, before anything else, she taps her comms and calls for Samantha. “Colonel Carter, you’ll be interested to know Vala is awake. Yes. Yes. Okay, see you in a bit”.

Daniel turns red with anger.

“You needn’t have called her”.

“I have my orders, doctor Jackson”.

“Fine!” he says and gets up from his chair with such force it crashes loudly onto the floor. He then turns to her and his eyes soften a little. “I’ll return when she’s gone”, he says and Vala doesn’t understand. Why is he so angry? What happened between him and Samantha?

She doesn’t have time to ask him, as he starts leaving without uttering another word.

“Daniel, wait!” Vala calls for him, but he doesn’t even turn to see her one last time before he exits the infirmary.

“I’m sorry, Vala”, the doctor pats her forearm gently, “he’s having difficulty coping with everything”, she explains before leaving, and Vala wants to cry once more.

It’s her fault that he’s hurting like that. That he’s angry at his best friend.

She sighs and her breath trembles, dangerously close to full on crying.

Deep down she knows it’s not her fault. She is the one who has lost something in all of this. She is, in a way, a victim of the circumstances.

She hates to think of herself like that. Not even when she was host of Qetesh did she like thinking of herself as a victim.

But perhaps it’s what she is.

“Hey, Vala, how are you feeling?”

Samantha is suddenly there and Vala wonders for just how long she has been.

When the Colonel smiles at her, she tries to return it.

“Samantha”, she says, “I’m…” and then finding the right word is hard. “Alive”, she finally decides.

“Are you in pain?”

“Not really. I am nauseous, and I feel the ghosts of pain, but I believe your doctor has numbed me”.

“Sounds like something doctor Keller would do”, she says with a lopsided smile on her face.

Silence falls upon them, until Samantha decides to speak again.

“I’m sorry Vala. This was all my fault”.

“No, it wasn’t”.

“It was. It was my decision to send you to the mainland even though we knew from the initial reports that there were venomous snakes”.

“That was a tactical decision. We will need the mainland if we’re to survive here. If anything, it was my fault—I didn’t see the snake”.

“Vala…”

“I mean it, Samantha. I’m not blaming you”.

It’s as if a weight lifts off Samantha’s shoulders, Vala can tell. Of course she’s blaming herself, and her boyfriend isn’t really helping matters much.

“I’m sorry Daniel blames you”, she tells her, and Samantha blanches.

“He’s… he’s got his good reasons”.

“I don’t think they’re good”.

It’s clear Samantha appreciates the comment, but she doesn’t say anything about it. Or anything else, for that matter.

“It’s strange”, Vala confesses eventually. “I could swear I feel the hand even though it’s clearly not there”.

“That’s something normal, I think. We can talk to Jennifer about it”.

“Sounds like a good idea”.

“And I’m thinking we could get some engineers to make you a prosthetic hand”.

“Wouldn’t it be a waste of resources and time?”

“Never, Vala. For you, never”.

She’s touched that her friend cares so much about her. Her gratitude, however, doesn’t get expressed, for doctor Keller has come back with news for the Colonel.

“Colonel Carter, it’s the Jaffa, they have established contact”.

Vala sees the millisecond of struggle in Samantha’s head before duty wins over friendship. She doesn’t blame her: this is an important development. For weeks, they had all but considered the Jaffa doomed as well.

“I’m sorry, I have to…”

“Go, Samantha. I’ll be here when you finish”.

Samantha gets up from the stool she was sitting on, squeezes her hand—the only one she’s got left—and leaves.

“Do you want me to call dr. Jackson?” doctor Keller asks her.

“Can you… can you give me a few moments alone?”

“Of course. Whenever you are ready, just let me know”.

“Thank you, doctor”.

-----------------------------------------

The days go by and nobody tells Vala what the Jaffa wanted of Colonel Carter. Her visits have diminished and she has an inkling that it is not only due to her strained relationship to Daniel.

And yet, every time she asks, they tell her she shouldn’t worry—that all she should be focusing her energy on is on getting better, stronger, so she can leave the infirmary.

Not even Daniel tells her.

She assumes it isn’t good news.

John Sheppard’s team and Cameron have also been to see her, and they artfully deflect any line of interrogation she opens. They focus on making her laugh, on easing any concerns regarding her physical capabilities to stay on Cam’s team—to be valuable.

Teyla and Ronon tell her they’re already devising a training program to get her back into shape—and to teach her how to depend on just one hand. Their more grounded, realistic approach is welcomed by her; it seems the people from Earth are more reluctant to giving her less cuddling when discussing her new reality.

Well, except for Rodney. Vala is amused by his lack of social cues. John keeps elbowing the scientist pretty much every time he opens his mouth. He’s supposed to be making her feel better and he’s not helping, the Colonel keeps repeating.

But the truth is that he is.

Everyone is.

Even Daniel.

Out of everyone, he’s the one who’s hurting the most, she knows. And he’s trying hard not to let it show. He still won’t see Samantha, nor talk about her, which is something that concerns Vala. She’s trying to make him see this was an unfortunate accident. That it was nobody’s fault. But he doesn’t seem to believe her. He’s steadfast on the idea that Samantha is to blame for this.

As a result, they all hurt.

This whole situation has everyone strained, tense. Even if they all try to hide it from her, she sees it as clear as day.

She appreciates their efforts.

She only wishes they were more honest with her.

Chapter Text

When Rodney enters his room, it does not surprise John. Lately, he’s been doing that more and more frequently, usually with stupid excuses that neither of them buys. John suspects it’s the scientist’s way of coping with everything that’s happened, so John doesn’t mind indulging him; letting him in, spending the night talking—or, rather, listening to Rodney talk.

Usually, the conversation topics range from the professional (with several complaints about Zelenka and his team) to the more personal, but they typically stay at a surface level when it comes to that. It’s complaints about the rationing of food Sam has ordered, or comments about the rain that has not stopped falling for days—but nothing else.

They carefully, deftly, avoid anything less comfortable. They didn’t even make a comment about Vala when she was finally discharged from the infirmary the other day. It’s a tacit agreement between the two of them that they shouldn’t discuss such things.

That’s why, despite the fact that Rodney’s visit was not unexpected, his greeting words are.

“Have you spoken to Sam today?” McKay doesn’t bother saying hi—he simply throws himself onto a chair, waiting for his answer.

No, he hasn’t spoken to Sam today. She’s been more and more secluded as the days have gone by, ever since Vala; ever since the Jaffa called. Some days, it seems she doesn’t leave her office for a second, nor speak to anyone at all.

“No, why?”

Rodney was expecting a different answer. He becomes flustered; his hands start fidgeting—he knows he shouldn’t have said anything, for he knows John will not let the matter slide.

“Nothing”.

“Rodney”, he says as a warning, as if daring him to try and invent an excuse that he will not believe.

“I thought you might have seen her, that’s all”.

“I don’t believe that’s all for one second”.

“Well, I can’t make you believe me, so I won’t even try”.

“Rodney! Why are you asking? Tell me!”

McKay must hear that there’s a deeper concern in his voice than usual, for he closes his eyes and tells him the truth.

“I-I-I I just. Well, you see, this is something that’s probably too… how to put it? I don’t think… you see… I…” Rodney opens his eyes and sees John’s face, and can’t deflect anymore. “I think I saw her crying, okay?”

The words strike John, they slap him on the face with force. He has never seen Sam cry.

Rodney senses the effect his words have caused on him and does the only thing he knows: keep on talking.

“So I was asking because maybe she had told you something, or maybe, I don’t know, you had been the cause of her distress”.

“I would never make her cry”, John replies offended.

“I know, I know”, Rodney’s hands are up in a placating gesture, “I didn’t mean… Look, you’re her second in command. I thought that maybe, maybe you had more information on what’s going on”.

“I don’t”. He doesn’t. He knows just as much as Rodney or the rest of the senior staff do. “She must be stressed, that’s all”, he tries to appease McKay, but John knows he isn’t fooling anyone.

“She’s been stressed ever since the Earth fell. I was just wondering if something new might have come up”.

“If it has, I don’t know about it. Last thing I know is the message from the Jaffa”.

“Maybe they contacted her again?”

“I don’t know. When did you see her?”

“Just before coming here. She was in her office, as always. I, I, well, I wanted to propose a new plan for redirecting energy to the shields and I, I, I was about to enter, I was looking at my tablet, you see, and I lifted my head and I saw… her. Crying. I think”.

“You think?”

“She was behind her computer. But I’m almost certain she was”.

“Did you enter?”

“No! I wanted to… give her privacy, I guess”.

John sighs—he certainly hopes nothing else has come up, for all of their sakes. But if nothing else has come up, then that means Sam is beginning to falter; bad news for all of them as well.

“I’ll talk to her”.

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“What do you want me do, Rodney?”

“Nothing!”

“Then why did you tell me about it?”

“I… I… isn’t that what we do? Tell each other about things? I don’t know! I just… I thought you’d like to know, okay?”

John nods his head.

“I appreciate it, Rodney. It is something I’d like to know about. I will talk to her, however”.

“Talk to Mitchell first—he’s known her longer than you”.

“Fine”, he relents; perhaps Cameron has an insight to what’s wrong with their leader. Of course, the fact that it’s Cam and not Daniel they are thinking to consult is part of what might be wrong with Sam.

John stands up to leave, and Rodney gets up with urgency.

“Wait, I didn’t mean now!”

Sheppard understands the unsaid plea: “Stay with me”, Rodney wants to say. “Let’s stay and talk as we’ve been doing for days. It helps me sleep”, he means with his urgent words. John knows because he thinks so too.

He sits back down, and McKay visibly relaxes.

“I trained some of the scientists of your team on how to pilot a Jumper today”, he says, and they both know they’re back to their familiar dynamic.

“Oh, really? Who?”

“Perez, Wang and Meyer”.

“And how did they do?”

It feels comfortable and comforting to have this space together. It helps them cope.

------------------------------------------------

Cam is decorating an office space Sam has assigned to him with the few items he brought to Atlantis. Some members of the expedition have gifted him small trinkets that complement his own, and in a show of gratitude, he’s decided to proudly display them.

He doesn’t notice Sheppard entering the office until he speaks, making him jump, startled.

“Jeez, Sheppard, you could’ve knocked!”

“Sorry”.

Cam turns back to his trinkets as he asks him: “How can I help?”

“It’s a nice collection you have there”.

“Thanks! Some members of the expedition have contributed. I wanted to give my office a personal touch”.

They stay silent for a few seconds, until Cam repeats his question, and this time he does turn around to look at John in the eyes.

“Have you… talked to Sam today?”

A glint of concern flashes in Cam's eyes.

“No. Why?”

John closes the door, signaling this is bound to be a private conversation.

“Rodney saw her crying last night”.

Sam? Crying? Cam can hardly believe it. He’s seen her at the brink of death not even shedding a tear.

“Did he… talk to her?”

“No. That’s why I wanted to talk to you, see if you had an idea of what might be wrong with her”.

“Hmm… I guess Teal’c’s disappearance and Daniel’s reluctance to make peace must be eating her from the inside”.

“I guess you’re right. Still, do you want me to go talk to her or do you want to do it?”

“I’ll do it”.

“Thanks. Just let me know what she tells you”.

“Will do”.

-----------------------------------------------

Sam has forced herself to walk to her office today and confront the world, but it feels harder and harder as each second passes by. It doesn’t help that her office is a giant fishbowl, and she’s on full display for anybody to see.

Last night, she allowed herself a moment of reprieve and cried in the solitude of Atlantis’ control room at such an ungodly hour.

She wishes she could have more moments like that.

Ever since the Jaffa told her that Teal’c had disappeared, there are a myriad of emotions battling inside her. She’s mourning for him, she’s sad, but she’s also concerned and… dare she admit it? Hopeful.

Hope is a strange thing: she’s a realist; she doesn’t want to deny the fact that her home, her loved ones, are gone. And yet. A small voice inside of her is saying: what if? What if Teal’c gets to the Alpha site and finds Jack? What if they’re not all dead? What if they manage to come to her?

But hope is also a flimsy thing; it goes as easily as it comes, and when it does, it leaves a hole in her heart that can only be filled by sorrow.

She’s a scientist and works with facts. And the facts she knows so far are these: Earth fell. There’s been no contact from any of the sites. There’s been no contact from any of their ships that could manage to get to Atlantis. Jack’s, Cassie’s, Mark’s, Teal’c’s whereabouts are unknown. And whether they’re alive. On top of that, Daniel hates her. Vala is hurting. She hurt both of them.

So yes, sorrow is the only thing filling her heart, and crying is the only way to alleviate it somehow.

Not that she’s crying right now.

She’s struggling to keep professional. Hell, she struggled to even get out of bed that day.

But she needs to keep Atlantis safe, and they detected a couple of Wraith ships close by. She can’t allow them to destroy the city. This is humanity’s last hope. She can’t doom them all.

In this spiral of thoughts and feelings, Cam finds her when he enters her office.

It takes a Gargantuan effort to smile, but she does.

“Hey, Cam. Everything okay?”

The question, of course, is a simple ritual that tries to avoid the fact that nothing is okay at all. But she means to ask if, within how bad everything is, something else, something new, is not okay. If there’s a new crisis to worry about.

“Yeah”, he replies ritualistically. Meaning: no new crisis today. And then, he adds, “actually, I wanted to check on you”.

Sam tenses. Does he know?

“Check on me? Everything’s fine”, she deflects.

“I don’t think so”, Cam sits down in front of her, “Teal’c has disappeared, Earth is gone, Daniel’s not talking to you, Vala has lost a hand…”

Sam flinches at everything he lists, which in turn makes him look at her more gently.

“I just mean… I’m feeling quite… horrible myself. I can’t imagine how you must be”.

“I’m okay, Cam”.

“Sure, Sam, if you want to do that, I won’t ask anymore”.

Sam sighs. He’s read her like an open book.

“I’m sorry, Cam”, she rubs her eyes tiredly. “I just… there’s a lot going on”.

“I know. So, just know that I’m here for you. At least until Jack gets here”.

His last words elicit a smile from her.

“Thank you”.

“Don’t mention it. I’m just sorry I can’t bring you some macaroons”.

At that, Sam laughs. A weight has been lifted from her shoulders, she feels. So, even if everything is still the same, she isn’t.

Maybe that’s good enough for now.

Chapter Text

Ronon is surprised at first when doctor Jackson insists on joining Teyla and him in Bantos fighting. But, as the Athosian reminds him, it’s not unusual for civilians to want to improve their self-defense ever since everything went south and, in the particular case of dr. Jackson, there might be other reasons to want to let off steam by doing some physical activities.

She is right, of course, so Ronon doesn’t protest, and allows the archeologist to join them.

He cannot help but wish Vala joined them too. Ever since she was allowed to leave the infirmary, she hasn’t been seen, at least not by him. When she was bound to bed, Ronon and Teyla had promised her to train her, to help her with the new reality of handless hand-to-hand combat. She had seemed interested then—he doesn’t know if she still is.

And the truth is, he misses her.

But, as the Earth saying John taught him goes, beggars can’t be choosers, so Ronon tries to accommodate dr. Jackson into their schedule, so that when they’re not training the scientists as commanded by Colonel Carter, they train him.

Doctor Jackson is in better shape than what Ronon had expected, and perhaps it has to do with what Teyla suggested; with anger and frustration, but the truth is, the archeologist is relentless.

There might be hope for Atlantis yet, if only for the wrong reasons.

Ronon likes to think of himself as a warrior, so he tries not to give much thought to whatever is going on with doctor Jackson. However, he has heard colonel Mitchell complain about his attitude towards colonel Carter. And there’s a strange sense of loyalty he feels towards her, despite how rocky their relationship was when she first came to replace dr. Weir.

So, Ronon accepts training doctor Jackson, but it doesn’t mean he has to like it.

----------------------------------------

Vala can’t stop pacing the quarters she shares with Daniel. Not that share is exactly something they are doing at the moment—Daniel is hunkering down in the Ancient database archives, and there are nights he doesn’t even come to the quarters at all. And when he does, he’s distant. He tries to make her laugh and joke, but she can see he’s festering in anger. Sure, he’s gentle with her, and he is clearly trying not to show just how angry he is, but she sees it as clear as day.

And today, it is her who’s angry.

But not at him.

No… she’s just… angry.

Her hand hurts, which wouldn’t be a problem if she actually had one. The fact that it’s not there and yet she feels it throb and ache is making her lose her mind.

She is restlessly pacing her quarters in the hopes that she can make the pain go away. She wants to smash her head against the wall. She wants to scream at the top of her lungs. She wants to punch something, but not with the hand she has left—she wishes ghost hands could be used to punch a wall.

Since that’s not the case, she just paces and paces. She goes out to their balcony and feels just like jumping off to the water. It’s quite tempting. Perhaps that would end the pain.

She shakes her head and the idea away. She’s not a quitter. She’s not giving up so easily.

But what can she do?

Her feet move her inside, where she sees the prosthetic hand Atlantis’ engineers have made for her, and she picks it up. She has only tried it on once, and it didn’t feel too good. Perhaps she expected to have her old hand back just by putting that gadget on, which obviously didn’t happen. It was frustrating. And the prosthetics look too much like a Goa’uld hand device for her liking.

But maybe the fake hand can make the pain go away?

She fastens it around her stump and… nothing. The pain is still there. She takes it off in rage and throws it across the room until it crashes onto the wall with a loud thump. She doesn’t care if it breaks or not.

She can feel tears prickle in hey eyes. What was she even thinking would happen? It’s not as if she hasn’t tried it on before; it’s not as if it’s a miracle waiting to happen.

She wipes her eyes with ire.

She needs to get out of there.

But as she turns towards the main door, she hesitates. Ever since she was discharged from the infirmary, she has tried not to get out—she wanted to avoid everyone’s pity. It was bad enough to have to go through it while bound to the infirmary bed, so her instinct was to simply shut everyone out.

Except for Daniel. But he has shut out himself.

The door, thus, taunts her with everything it represents.

But her ghost hand haunts her even more—it simply hurts too much for her to ignore. It burns and stings just like it did when that snake bit her all those days ago. She has to go see dr. Keller.

Maybe she can help.

Vala takes a deep breath, and decides to step out, just as if she were jumping off a cliff.

The corridors are deserted, and for a second, she wonders what the time might be. Light is filtering through the windows, so she surmises it can’t be too late. Still, she’s grateful that she can slither through the corridors just like the snake that changed her life—or the other snake that did the same, a lifetime ago.

She moves quickly, but she doesn’t really know her way through Atlantis, so it takes her a while to get to the infirmary.

When she gets there, doctor Keller sees her sweaty and in pain, and she can’t conceal the concern from her eyes.

“Vala, is everything okay?”

“It hurts”, she says succinctly, hoping the doctor will understand everything from just those two words.

And, to her credit, Keller seems to do so.

“The hand?”

Vala nods desperately, anxious to get a solution from the doctor.

“Come with me”, Jennifer instructs her, and Vala follows her closely. They move towards a small room the doctor uses as her office, and she picks up a mirror.

What follows, Vala doesn’t understand at first, but her trust for the doctor outweighs her concerns. Jennifer explains something about phantom limb pain, psychosomatic pain and whatnot; and as she looks at the reflection of the hand she still has, the doctor starts massaging it. Then, a miracle happens: the pain recedes.

Vala chokes out a laugh, and tears start streaming down her face. She can’t believe the pain is over—at least for the moment.

“It worked!” she exclaims in disbelief.

Jennifer gives her a smile of compassion and places a hand on her shoulder.

“I’m going to give you this mirror, and every time something like this happens, you can do what we just did, and it should help. If for some reason it doesn’t, come to me and I’ll give you a sedative”.

“Okay, thank you, doctor”, Vala manages to answer.

“Sure thing. Let me take a look at your stump: I want to check everything’s okay”.

It’s not something Vala is too comfortable with, but she allows Keller to examine her.

“There’s no sign of infection. Everything looks good”.

“I’m glad”.

There’s nothing else she wants to discuss with the doctor, so Vala just runs away to the safety of her quarters.

Jennfier looks at her with a sad expression as she leaves.

-------------------------------------------

Cam cannot take it anymore. It’s been too long, and he can see just how much Sam is hurting—how much Daniel is hurting Sam.

Thus, Cam is on a mission.

He first goes looking for him at the gym, where he knows he’s been training with Teyla and Ronon.

He’s disappointed when he’s not there.

“Sorry, Colonel, he was here this morning. He left hours ago”, Teyla tells him, to his dissatisfaction.

“Oh. Do you know where he went from here?”

“He’s usually at the Ancient database”, she answers, and Cam can’t help but feel he should have known that. Of course Daniel is at the database—it’s where he wanted to be when they came to Atlantis in the first place.

He thanks Teyla and practically runs to the main database room.

On his way, anger fuels his pace. It seems there’s anger fueling many people in Atlantis lately.

And, sure enough, Daniel is there in the archives, talking to the Morgan hologram about things that nobody but Daniel cares about.

The archeologist doesn’t notice he’s there until Cam starts yelling at him.

“You need to stop, Daniel!” he says, hoping Daniel will understand, but he doesn’t.

“Jeez, Cam! You scared me! Why do you want me to stop? I’m trying to see if there’s something on the Ancient database that can help us reclaim Earth”.

“What? No, I’m not talking about that!”

“Then what is this about?” the scientist is as obtuse as ever, but somehow it feels even more infuriating for Cam, so he raises his voice again.

“I’m talking about Sam! You need to stop treating her like crap”.

Daniel tenses, crosses his arms. His expression turns sour.

“I’m treating her just as she deserves”.

“Oh, bullshit, Daniel! Look, I get you’re angry—the situation sucks but—”

“—she maimed Vala!!! She knew there were snakes on the mainland—”

“—we all did! We practically begged her to let us get out of the city!”

“She was in charge. She is responsible!”

“You’re not being rational about this!”

“Of course I’m not! I love Vala!”

It’s the first time Daniel has said the big L word, so both men suddenly freeze, their outbursts forgotten for a second.

When Daniel speaks again, he’s more subdued. Maybe Cam has reached him.

“We’re hurting”, he confesses, and then amends, “I’m hurting”.

“I know”, Cam replies, slowly approaching him. He wants to remind him that Sam is hurting too, that they all are, but he decides against it. After all, this is the first time he feels that they’re getting somewhere. “I know”, he repeats, then.

Daniel doesn’t reply—he doesn’t even flinch. For a moment, Cam thinks he might have gone back to square one with him, but when he replies, Cam knows they have actually made progress.

“Everything just hurts so much”, he says, with the saddest expression Cam has ever seen in him. “So much”, he repeats, and Cam can’t take it anymore.

He closes the gap between them, and hugs him tightly.

Daniel accepts the hug without a fight.

Perhaps all the anger that is trapped within the walls of Atlantis can be canalized and worked through. That’s Cam’s hope, at least.

Chapter Text

Rodney comes running to the gym, where Teyla, Ronon, and John are training. It’s a rainy morning, like most have been since Earth fell. Out of all of them, Teyla is the only one who thinks it might be poetic, as if nature was reflecting the way everyone inside the city is feeling.

But not today. Today Rodney is bringing news.

“Did you hear Sam’s announcement?” he says just as soon as he catches his breath.

Of course they didn’t, he knows. She just made it a couple of minutes ago, with the instruction that anyone present at the control room should inform their teammates. She plans on sending a city-wide announcement via their secure channel in a few hours, but she wanted to speed up the process. Rodney believes she just wants to anticipate any and all concerns before the official announcement is made.

“No, what did she say?” John asks, wiping sweat off his face.

“Gate travel is resumed”.

“Really?” if Ronon wasn’t interested before, he is now.

“Yes! Well, she said it...it would be limited and only a couple of teams would get to go, and, well, there should be surveys before clearance can be granted for the teams to do so, but I guess she realized we can’t be locked inside the city forever, which, if you ask me couldn’t have come soon enough—”

“—Rodney, stop”, John commands. “I assume our team will be on the list to go?”

“That’s why I came so quickly!”

“Rodney, did she say when we’ll be leaving?” Teyla asks.

“No. She just wants everybody to be informed. She’ll contact the team leaders soon”.

“Okay, I’ll go see her”, John replies, and adds, “get ready, we might have a mission sooner than we think”. With that, he leaves Teyla and Ronon, and Rodney follows him out.

“You don’t need to come with me, Rodney”.

“But I want to!”

Rodney is, at heart, a busybody. It’s something that used to annoy John, but he now finds endearing. Thus, he allows the Canadian to come with him as they make their way to Sam’s office.

When they arrive, they stop just outside. She’s having a meeting with Mitchell, so they don’t want to intrude. Well, John doesn’t. Rodney struggles with the impulse that drives him to enter, consequences be damned. But seeing John calmly lean towards the wall helps him calm his otherwise anxious nature.

From the wall, John observes Sam’s demeanor as she speaks to the other colonel. She has a seriousness about her that she hasn’t shaken off since that Day. She also looks tired. Her shoulders are sagged, and in the five seconds they’ve spent there, she’s yawned twice. From her expression, John can’t really tell if what she’s telling Mitchell is good news or bad. He’s okay with it—if the news is important, he’ll be soon informed.

Next to him, he senses Rodney thinking along the same lines as himself, although he knows he’s way less relaxed about not knowing right away. His curiosity is one of his most endearing qualities, John finds himself thinking.

Before he allows that notion to linger much in his mind, Sam and Mitchell stand up, and she helps him out.

Cameron greets them with a nod of his head and goes away. Sam turns towards them with a professional smile and says:

“John, you’re just the man I wanted to see”.

“Hey!” Rodney protests, “are you not happy to see me?”

“I’m always happy to see you, Rodney. Come”, to her credit, she doesn’t miss a beat and directs them inside her office. They sit in the lower chairs to the side, and she waits for them to settle before she speaks again. “I assume Rodney here has informed you of the news”.

“Of course I have!”

“He has”.

A glint of amusement crosses Sam’s eyes, and for a spare second her former self comes to the surface. But then it disappears, and she turns serious again.

“Well, I’m glad. It allows me to skip the introduction. We’ll only have three teams go on off-world missions. Yours is the flagship”.

She doesn’t finish the line of reasoning, but the conclusion is quite obvious for both of them. Thus, she jumps forward to her next point:

“After what happened to Vala, I want to make sure our preliminary tests are even more thorough than before. Tomorrow I will order our teams of engineers to upgrade the three MALPs we have left with several more environmental checks I want them to perform, and I want to commission more—if we have the resources. Until the MALPs are upgraded, gate travel won’t resume. I believe they’ll be ready for next week, but I prefer our teams to be thorough than to be fast”.

“And once it is resumed?” John asks her before Rodney gets the chance to start a tirade about the efficiency of the different science teams.

“The main mission is going to be gathering resources. We also need to find several planets, or at least a couple, to set up new alpha and beta sites on this galaxy that are known only to us”. Sam stands up, but signals for them to remain seated, while she paces a little, maybe to order her thoughts, maybe to avoid any mention to the other galaxy. Maybe that is why she changes the subject again. “I have asked Cam to lead Atlantis’ second team. Since he doesn’t still know the city’s every member’s capability, I’ve asked him to meet with you, John, to go over the potential candidates for his team”.

“Wait, doesn’t Mitchell already have a team?” Rodney intrudes with the obvious elephant in the room.

Sam tenses, and then sighs. She invited Rodney in, after all.

“Vala is on medical leave and, quite honestly, I don’t know if she’ll even want to go back on a team. And Daniel…”

The pause lingers for a second too long. She doesn’t tell them they’re still not on speaking terms. She doesn’t tell them that Cam has informed her of recent possible developments with her friend. She doesn’t tell them of her hopes of restoring their relationship.

Instead, she says:

“I asked Cam to approach Daniel with the proposal of joining his team, but neither of us are hopeful that he’ll want to. Even if he does, Cam’s still two members short. So…”

“I’ll talk to him”.

“Thank you”. From her standing position, Sam glances at the door of her office.

John understands, and stands up.

“Well, I’ll get to it”, he says and when Sam nods, he turns to leave.

Rodney is flustered, as he wasn’t expecting the meeting to end so abruptly. He’s about to follow John, when Sam stops him.

“Rodney, I want to review your latest report on shield integrity, can you stay for, say, half an hour?”

Usually, discussing science is something Rodney would love to do. And yet, that day, for some reason, he would actually prefer to follow John.

-------------------------------------------

Daniel hesitates at the door. He’s been meaning to either ring or go to his own quarters. Instead, he’s doing neither. He’s bouncing from one leg to the other, as if he were practicing for a hopscotch competition.

He should just go to his quarters.

He should, at the very least, do something.

And yet, he doesn’t. Lately, his inability to do things is consuming his soul. He feels a venomous darkness is pouring out of his lungs, making it hard to breathe and move.

Is it because of what happened to Vala? What happened to Earth? What might have happened to Jack? To Teal’c? To Cassie?

He’s not sure.

When he heard Earth had fallen, he felt constrained by Sam’s insistence that they stayed put. All he wanted to do was go look for Jack.

After what happened to Vala, that determination vanished. But he doesn’t know if it’s just the fallout from that event or a natural conclusion to everything catching up with him.

In his inability to move, then, he just bounces from one leg to the other. In place.

He’s not sure how long he’s like that but before he can decide between ringing or going, Sam’s quarters’ door slides open.

She’s quite shocked to see him—he’s obviously the last person she expected there.

“Daniel”, she manages to choke out. “What are you doing here?”

“I…” Words are harder to find than usual.

But it doesn’t matter: Sam is by now quite used to taking the lead.

“Please, come in”, she moves from the door and allows him to enter her quarters.

Daniel has only been there once before, when they first came to Atlantis, so he takes a second to observe a few details that tell him this has been Sam’s home for almost a year. There are knickknacks he recognizes from her lab back at the SGC, books he’s seen at her house, pictures of Mark and his family, of Jacob, of Cassie and… of SG-1; of Jack. Unsurprisingly, there are several more pictures of Jack around the room. And then, he sees several presents Jack gave her through the years: a fish hook, a Homer Simpson pin; her wedding ring.

Intellectually, Daniel suspected how much Sam must be hurting. Seeing all those things in clear display in her quarters, like an altar, has made him actually realize about it.

Which only makes his trip there matter more.

“Do you want something to drink? To eat?”

“I’m fine”.

“Okay”, Sam replies and basically waits for him to make a move.

Silence stretches for uncomfortable seconds.

How to mend something so broken?

Eventually, they both break the silence at the same time.

“I wanted to apologize”.

“I’m really sorry”.

The fact that they’ve spoken at once hasn’t impeded their messages to be heard by the other.

It’s the same one, in any case.

They both smile, because they have stepped over each other’s voice. Because they are both offering peace. Because they can both be a bit less miserable.

“I screwed up by sending you there”.

“It wasn’t your fault Vala got bitten”.

Suddenly, words start to feel easier to find.

“Hey, Sam, I think I’ll get something to drink, after all”.

“Coming right up”.

Chapter Text

“Do you really think he’s dead?” Daniel asks Sam a few hours into their reconciliation drinks turned to dinner.

They’re sitting outside, in her balcony, watching the stars and the ocean in all their immensity. Perhaps it’s that she’s had a few-drinks-too-many, but Sam can’t help but feel comfortable in her smallness against that natural backdrop.

Daniel’s question is not coming out of the blue—they’ve been carefully walking around the subject all dinner, and they both sensed that they’d get to it as soon as Sam opened a bottle of scotch Jack gave her as a parting gift—a celebration for her new command position.

She takes the shot of whiskey without hesitation, and the burning sensation at the back of her throat gives her enough momentum to answer.

“No. Yes. I don’t know, Daniel, it comes and goes. Right now? At this precise moment? I think he’s alive”, her words, her wishes, are punctuated by another shot, “ask me again in two hours and I’ll tell you he isn’t”.

“It’s Jack. He’s alive”.

She snickers.

“I’m glad you think so”. Sam hesitates between another shot and leaning back on the small armchair they dragged to the balcony where she’s sitting. She settles for the leaning. She hadn’t realized the armchair was so comfortable. “I know Jack”, she then says, as if that explained all the thoughts in her head, “and I know just how resourceful he is, how stubborn. But…” she sits up—she does need the whiskey now, “some day luck must run out”.

“Not for Jack. His luck ran out before he joined the Stargate program—ever since then he completely changed his luck. It’s infallible”.

Sam laughs heartily this time. “I don’t think it works like that, Daniel”.

“Oh, it does”, for a second, Sam doesn’t know if Daniel is still joking. He’s taken another shot himself, and there’s a glint in his eyes that she doesn’t know whether it’s the alcoholic haze or just pure sincerity. “He’s alive, I know it. I… feel it”.

“Well, coming from you it’s quite a comfort.”

Suddenly, sitting down doesn’t feel quite so appropriate. Sam stands up with another glass full of whiskey in her hand, and leans in the rail of the balcony.

Daniel follows her suit. She feels his warmth next to her. It’s nice after so many weeks of iciness between them.

“Besides, I’m sure Teal’c won’t rest until he finds him”, he adds, and it makes Sam choke up. She has been thinking the same exact thing for weeks.

“You are right”.

“Of course I am. I wouldn’t be your annoying friend if I wasn’t”.

Sam laughs a tear-loaded laugh. It somehow feels outlandish to be able to think of Daniel as a friend once again.

“You know I still want to go after Jack, don’t you?” he then says, turning around, his face serious.

Sam sighs. Of course she knows. It’s not as if she didn’t want to do it herself.

“If you find a feasible way, I’ll consider it, Daniel”.

He nods; there’s a second of shared hope in both of their eyes—Sam’s concession feels monumental for him; he’s been trying to come up with ways to escape the city ever since she denied any course of action.

“Using a ZPM is not a feasible way”, she adds as a warning.

“Sam! It’s really the only way—we gate to a planet in the Milky Way with a Jumper and from there—”

“—we need ZPMs to power the city. We simply cannot spare one in this. This is our only home at the moment; we need to preserve it”.

Daniel’s frustrated. At least he’s not angry.

“I’ll… I’ll talk to Rodney, see what we can come up with”.

“I just need a feasible plan and I’ll consider it”, she repeats, because she means it: she wishes she could just throw everything away and just go on a suicidal mission.

Daniel nods, and his head keeps bouncing up and down for a few moments, consequence of all the alcohol he ingested.

“Do you happen to have any more scotch?” he asks her, pointing at the empty bottle, his words slurred.

“I have some bourbon”.

“Suits me”.

They stumble inside her quarters, and Sam crouches in front of a cabinet that’s locked with a key. Her expression turns thoughtful for a second.

“What is it?” Daniel asks.

“I forgot where I put the key”.

They share an amused look and burst out laughing. Tears of laughter escape her eyes—the first tears that are not of sadness in a long time. She falls on her butt, and Daniel bends from the hilarity of the situation. Her ribs start aching but she just can’t stop laughing.

She’s not sure how much time they spend like that, but eventually they both calm a little. Some treacherous giggles still escape her lips, and even in her foggy brain the idea that she’ll have to force the cabinet open starts gaining traction.

“Wait here”, she says, and crawls through her room until she reaches below her bed, to one of the many toolkits she has around the city. She drags it and herself back to the cabinet and takes a picklock from it.

She hasn’t picked a lock in a while, and never in such a state of intoxication, so it takes her a long time and several failed attempts to actually force the cabinet open.

“Success!” she exclaims, and Daniel claps.

The bourbon is acquired and served, and they’re both sitting on the floor, looking at the open balcony door, feeling the breeze gently caress their face.

After a few minutes in silence, Sam addresses the other elephant in the room; the cause of their falling out.

“How’s Vala doing?”

Daniel’s eyes turn away from hers, but even though he avoids looking at her, he doesn’t avoid answering.

“I truly” there’s a lot of emphasis on the adverb; perhaps it’s the alcohol speaking, “truly don’t know”, he finally replies and takes a big gulp of bourbon—they are not doing shots anymore. “What have you heard?” he asks her; she must have heard something—she’s the leader of Atlantis.

Sam is honest with him.

“That she went to visit dr. Keller the other night because she was in pain”.

Daniel is surprised that she is privy to that information.

“Isn’t the good doctor supposed to respect doctor-patient confidentiality?”

“Not when it comes to me, and a valued member of my expedition”.

“All members are valued members”.

“Correct”.

“So… you have access to all of our medical information?” How didn’t he think about this before?

“I am the CO of this expedition. I need to know how every member is doing”.

“Huh. I guess it didn’t occur to me that was the case”.

“It’s just like in the SGC—General Hammond and Landry had access to all pertinent medical information”.

“You’re right, o’course”. Daniel does not want to linger in the technicalities of how Sam knows what she knows, so he redirects the conversation. “Doctor Keller gave her this… mirror. And it helped. It really did; it was amazing to see her finally get some peace”.

“I’m glad it helped”, Sam comments, but senses there’s more her friend wants to share, so she waits.

“Other than the pain, she is… I don’t know. Angry, sad, a bit like I’ve been—like I am. I don’t know what to say to her to make her feel better”.

Sam leans on Daniel’s shoulder—she doesn’t know what to tell him to make him feel better. They’re all broken in this new world.

“I’m sure she just needs you to listen, to be there for her”.

“Yeah, but…” Daniel sighs; can he tell her the thought that’s been haunting him? Eating him from the inside?

Sam notices the hesitation. It’s as though in the drunkenness they can read each other’s thoughts with clairvoyance.

“But…?” she encourages him.

“The Vala that I fell in love with? She’s gone”.

“She’s not gone, Daniel. She’s still there, she’s only… hiding. You just need to find her”.

Daniel’s head tilts towards hers in a kind of companionable gesture that only comes from years and years of friendship.

“I’m not so sure. But I appreciate the sentiment”.

They stay in silence for a while, drinking the alcohol that’s warming their bodies. Minutes tick by in comfortable peace.

“I heard you are resuming gate travel”, Daniel finally speaks.

“News spreads fast”.

“It’s the talk of the city”.

“Did you… talk to Cam?”

“No. Why?”

“He’s gonna ask you to join his team”.

“Oh”, Daniel shifts and Sam moves from her leaning position, turning to look at him in the eyes. Trying to see how he is reacting to the news. She can’t know for certain if he’s happy or not. “I’m not sure I want to join him”.

“You don’t have to. But if you feel like it, you’ll have a spot on his team”.

He nods.

“It’s just, with what happened to Vala and all…”

“You don’t have to justify yourself.”

“Besides, I think I’d be more useful trying to find the way to get to Jack and Teal’c”.

“Again, no need to justify”.

Daniel gives her a small, grateful smile.

“It’s a good command decision, resuming gate travel. People are…hyped. Happy to be of use”.

Sam nods in appreciation of his words. Lately, she’s been questioning her every command decision, so she feels relieved to be getting some validation.

“I think that’s what we all want”, she replies. “To be of use”.

Chapter Text

Time, Sam thinks, is a strange thing. Sure, she knows its workings both theoretically and in practice. She’s an astrophysicist; she knows time. And yet… “strange” is the first word that comes to her mind when she considers everything that’s happened.

“Sam! Sam! Stay with me!”

-----------------------------------

It all goes completely south at the six months’ mark since the Earth fell, only nobody notices at the time.

Things are running relatively smoothly in the last human enclave in the universe―that they know of. The mainland is once again in their line of action and, even with the threat of snakes, scientists and military are sent to enclose and tame the wilderness to create greenhouses. Gate travel goes as planned for a couple of weeks, and so it gives Sam the conviction she needs to add another two teams to rotation. The teams find and bring back important discoveries: seeds of plants that are not only nutritional but also medicinal, some animals that were already domesticated by a friendly tribe, and, most important of all, crystals that Rodney feels can revolutionize how energy is conducted in the ZPMs.

For a moment, it seems they can actually make it work, that life can actually be good despite everything.

Those are the words Daniel tells Vala that night after they share a romantic dinner. It’s the first that they’ve had since the hand incident, and it really feels like a momentous, joyous occasion. More and more Vala has been working with Jennifer who is acting, not only as a physician, but as a psychologist of sorts. Dr. Heightmeyer has never been more sorely missed. But they make do with what they have and, little by little, Vala comes out of her shell.

That night, before everything goes wrong, Vala feels closer to her former self than ever since she lost her hand. She’s laughing, making jokes, flirting… and her ghost hand hasn’t haunted her in a while.

“Life can actually be good”, Daniel says, and she laughs.

And the alarms start blaring.

------------------------------------------------

Teyla’s water breaks several hours before that dreadful sound. It happens as she’s training with Ronon, and the slippery sensation does not compute in her mind at first. It’s only when he stops and points to the floor that she realizes it’s happening.

The next few minutes are a blur―time, Teyla would later think, is a strange thing.

Doctor Keller, who has just finished a physiotherapy session with Vala, sees her off to go on a date with Daniel, and brings Teyla to a private room. She informs Sam, who doesn’t answer right away, but the commander of Atlantis eventually replies she’ll be there as soon as she has the time.

Teyla trusts the doctor but can’t help but wish her people were there with her. Athosians have their own ways of welcoming children into the world and, even though the doctor is accommodating, Teyla feels it’s not the same. It’s as if something is missing. Well, someone, really.

“You’re still two centimeters dilated, so we’re in for a long night”, Jennifer informs her. “Try to relax, we have plenty of time”.

------------------------------------

Rodney likes to work with Doctor Jackson, although he’d never admit it out loud. It has been a full month of debating ways of making the impossible possible and, although Sam joins sometimes if she has the time, and they have a full team of scientists she’s spared for the task, it’s when the two of them are alone that Rodney feels they work best.

“And I asked Manny if he’d give me a ration of the fish caviar we’ve been producing, so I can use it for my date tonight”, Daniel is saying, and Rodney’s mind wanders off to a few hours before; to a conversation that’s been playing in loop in his head. “I think tonight’s going to finally be the night. Vala’s been getting better and better”.

Rodney doesn’t answer; his eyes are fixed on the touchscreen; his mind somewhere else.

“Hey, are you there?” Daniel has asked him a couple of times.

Rodney snaps out of his reverie and replies: “huh?”

“Forget it”, the archeologist drops the subject, clearly upset that the scientist has not been listening to him. Their friendship has been developing steadily over time, and it hurts when Rodney’s narcissism gets the best out of him.

But this time it’s different―Rodney’s been distracted, yes; but not because of some egotistical reason.

“Sorry”, he says with his hands in the air, hoping to sound sincere.

Daniel looks at him in the eyes and understands he means it. He nods and picks up his tablet and a couple of books, and bids goodbye to him.

“I’m gonna go get the caviar, or else I won’t have time to prepare everything”.

Rodney doesn’t really know what that’s all about, but he nods and leaves with him―he has to find John.

Neither notice the ships on the panel behind them.

------------------------------------

Ronon, John and Cam share a drink in the mess hall before the Satedan goes to train with Teyla. John doesn’t really feel like talking much―his head is in another place. In his quarters, specifically. With Rodney, a few moments ago. What are they even doing? What is he even doing? He should go talk to him. Instead, he’s avoiding him.

“Sam wants my team to join you guys on tomorrow’s mission”, Cam says after gulping the last beer from his month’s rations. At least he’s thankful they found some new cereals to ferment, but the few Budweiser’s they have left make him feel closer to home. Too bad he won’t have more until next month―they need to ration the last remains from Earth.

Ronon grunts in agreement and, when John doesn’t say anything, he feels the need to fill the void: “We’ll be happy to have backup”.

Cam nods, thankful for the rapport.

Usually, he enjoys the time off with these men, but there’s something weird going on with John that day.

Cam doesn’t feel close enough to Sheppard to ask him what’s wrong. Maybe when he has the time, he can check with Sam.

Maybe, with time, he’ll be able to ask John directly.

-----------------------------------------------------

“So, I just think these crystals we found on M-27127 can be used to create a new type of ZPM, and in that way, we can gate, as Daniel says, to a planet in the Milky Way. I’m meeting him in a couple of hours to discuss how we can proceed with tests, and…”

Rodney’s been prattling on for a while, but John doesn’t care. He could listen to him talk for hours; they have all the time in the world.

He wonders when he began enjoying those rants. It’s been something gradual, he figures. It started years ago, when they first came to Atlantis, but it’s gotten much more intense this half a year, ever since…

“So, what do you think?” Rodney turns around to look at him, waiting for his opinion.

“I think it’s a plan”, John summarizes, and Rodney seems pleased.

“It is, right? It’s good Sam is finally coming to her senses about this. Perhaps we’ll get some answers about what happened to Earth”.

“Do you really care?” the question is out of his mouth before he can stop it.

“What? Of course I care!” Rodney seems offended. John cringes at his own question. But then, he looks at him with recognition in his eyes. “You don’t?”

John shrugs. It’s been exactly six months since they got the news that changed their lives, and John can’t help but feel somewhat indifferent. His life hasn’t changed much, especially since gate travel was resumed.

The only difference is he feels much more connected to Rodney and that is… good, he decides.

Rodeny looks surprised, as if he had never paused to consider that someone might not be hellbent in getting back to the Milky Way, or at least some answers about what happened.

“I hadn’t realized”, he says, as if absolving John from his faults.

“I just… don’t mind staying here for the rest of my life”. With you, he adds internally, and yet, somehow, in all his obliviousness, Rodney seems to understand.

“Oh. I, I, I”, he stammers, “I guess I don’t mind staying here either, it’s just―”

John understands, too.

“I get it, your sister was there, I get wanting to know―”

“Yeah, but, but, I don’t want you to think I don’t… like being here with you, I do, it’s just, but you know, these nights we spend together, talking, they are good; better than anything I had back on Earth…”

The confession surprises them both, in a way. It is something John suspected but never dared entertain―it is something Rodney didn’t know how to verbalize.

“It’s the same for me”, John tells him.

They look at each other in the eyes, suddenly understanding much more in them than before.

“I’m glad I have you in my life”, John adds.

They have never spoken in such terms. It scares them both.

“I, uh, I need to go to the lab―I promised dr. Jackson we’d get to work on another report for Sam about the energy crystals…” Rodney is flustered and moves to leave.

“Yeah. I’ll go see Ronon”.

Running away seems the easiest thing to do. Later on, both of them will regret not having the time to openly talk about it.

-----------------------------------------

Sam’s day begins early, as always. If she doesn’t get up before dawn, she feels she doesn’t have enough time to do everything the city and her responsibilities demand from her.

That day should feel somehow special, considering it’s been half a year since life turned upside down. But she doesn’t really pay much attention to it―she has many things to do.

One of the first things on her agenda is a meeting with Vala, who sits in front of her with a smile on her face. It’s incredible to see her like that, after everything she’s gone through.

“I’ve reviewed your petition”, Sam tells her, handing her the form. “I still need Jennifer’s opinion, but I think you’ve come a long way these few months, so…”

“So, it’s a yes, then?”

“It’s a probably”.

Vala stands up, happily.

“Thank you, Samantha!”

“Don’t thank me. This has been all your hard work”.

“I shall tell Daniel tonight. I’m sure he’ll be happy”.

“I’m sure he will. I’m still thinking on only allowing you to go on certain scouting missions, but at least you’ll be able to do some gate travel”.

“It’s okay. It is something. Thank you, Samantha. Well, I have a therapy session with Doctor Keller”.

“Go”, Sam commands with a smile, and goes back to other orders of business.

Time goes by quickly as she concentrates on different tasks that require her attention. There are reports by the mainland scientists on the newest imports and how they are responding to the soil and conditions on the planet; there’s the gate-travel team roster; the reports that the different teams are making after each mission; and then, Rodney’s and Daniel’s team’s advances on recreating the new ZPM. She’s reading and writing, reviewing, analyzing, considering new information, and all in all, she’s in her Zen zone.

So much so, that, when Doctor Keller informs her that Teyla has gone into labor, she tells her she’ll be there as soon as she has the time. She’s too busy and too focused to be able to spare time for her just yet. She’ll be there soon, she promises herself.

She looks at her watch and realizes two hours have gone by since the doctor called her.

“Oh, gosh!”. She really needs to go see Teyla. She’s not even half-way through everything she has to do. When did time begin to just fly by?

Leaving her work behind, she starts walking towards the infirmary. She doesn’t stop at the control room, and in a few minutes, she’ll come to regret that decision.

Before she reaches the infirmary, time freezes. The moment stretches forever, despite everything happening in a second. The glass on top of her explodes, and it’s as if she could see it in slow motion, falling towards her alongside some more debris.

She doesn’t understand what’s going on; what the sound of the alarms blaring means; or where the smoke and the destruction around her came from. She doesn’t really realize about the glass shard that is impaling her side until breathing suddenly becomes quite hard.

She’s trying to think what she could have done to prevent this attack. She reviews her day, thinking of moments in which she should have checked with the control room to see their defense perimeter. How come nobody has alerted her about this threat? Who are these attackers? How come nobody saw them coming?

Sam’s lying on the floor, with the shard impaling her, as she thinks about those things. Ever since she realized she’s been hurt, the frozen time seems to move again, quickly getting her closer to unconsciousness.

Time, Sam thinks, is a strange thing.

Chapter Text

Jack was having a very bad day. The meetings had been never-ending, the coffee was cold, he had a huge headache, and, on top of that, he had to go to Colorado for a meeting with General Landry. By plane. It was incredible they wouldn’t spare a bit of transporter technology from one of their ships to expedite the process… Alas! He’d have to resign himself. If at least he had Carter in the same galaxy, he could bother her and make the waiting time go faster… He made the mental note of telling Carter and all the geeks in the Pegasus Galaxy to work on an intergalactic phone. Booty calls like that would be another level of scientific advancement.

He snickered, amused by his own ingenuity as he stepped into the jet. His head was still pounding, and he hoped he could catch some shut eye before getting to the SGC.

He couldn’t tell if he had slept at all, however, when the pilot startled him out of his tired stupor.

“Uh, sir? We’re receiving strange signals from the Springs and D.C.”

“Strange as in?”

“The president is requesting your presence back in D.C., while General Landry is saying that, should you receive any communication from the Pentagon, you should ignore it and get to the SGC as soon as possible. They both talk about matters of national security and the safety of the planet”. There was a pause before the inevitable question. “What should I do, sir?”

It was a good question. In terms of the chain of command, there was no doubt that the President’s orders should be followed. Nonetheless, there was something in Landry’s request, perhaps the fact that he expected the Pentagon to try and divert him from his destination, that somehow made Jack hesitate to return to D.C. But he was no fool: he knew there could’ve been a foothold situation at the SGC, and hence why he was asked back to the Pentagon. And yet, the opposite could also be true.

He decided to go with his guts.

And his guts told him to go to Colorado.

“We’ll continue on our way, major”.

“Yes, sir”.

“I hope I’m making the right call”, he mumbled under his breath. He truly didn’t know. In any case, he had decided to fight his way through the SGC if necessary, as he considered the gate was the most important asset Earth had.

The flight felt longer than ever―he tried thinking of different plans of action, but his headache had just gotten worse. Not for the first time, he wished his old team was there with him; it was strange to think that none of them were on the same planet as him at the moment.

He needed to focus.

“Major”, he called for the pilot.

“Yes, sir?”

“When we land, you talk to no one, you come with me, and you drive me to Cheyenne Mountain. Understood?”

“Uh, sir, I don’t know if we’ll be able to get through without talking to anyone”.

“You let me worry about that. I simply need you to escort me and drive me. I’ll do the talking. Got it?”

“Yes, sir”.

“Good”.

----------------------------------------------------

Jack was expecting a myriad of problems at the time of landing the plane, but nobody stopped them, which was either really good or really bad. Either Landry had done everything in his power to help him or… it was all a trap.

At that point in time, he couldn’t tell.

But what he could tell was that whatever was going on was something big and something bad. It wasn’t like Landry to defy orders like that, so either there was something important happening in D.C., or aliens had brainwashed him.

The major did as he was ordered and insisted on driving him to Cheyenne Mountain without too much opposition. The drive was as tense as the flight had been―Jack didn’t speak a word with the young officer, but he could see that the man was probably thinking in the same terms as he was.

Landry was waiting for him, and he made Jack follow him to his office. Alarms were blaring, people were running up and down, and there were signs of fighting all over the base.

At least he wasn’t being directed straight to the brig.

“What’s going on, Hank?” Jack didn’t even wait for him to close the door.

Once he did, he answered:

“It’s the Trust. They got to the President”.

“What?”

“Not only that―they got to presidents and high officials of other countries too. Russia, Iran, China, Saudi Arabia… and we just heard about France and Germany”.

“How?”

“I don’t know, Jack, they seem to have infiltrated the highest levels of government. I think it might have been a sleeper agent type of situation”.

“Okay―what do we do?”

What could they do?

“That’s the thing, Jack. There’s nothing we can do. They’ve been declaring war to each other, they are deploying nuclear bombs. We don’t have time. We need to evacuate. I have begun to evacuate”.

“What about our ships?”

“The Daedalus was on its way back from Pegasus. I don’t know what might have happened to it. I’ve been trying to contact the others but have been unsuccessful. Do you want to know what I think? Either our people are still up there, fighting the Trust agents, delaying the inevitable or… the Trust agents are waiting to get their people out before the bombs start falling and then… I think they’ll wipe us out”.

“I don’t understand how this is happening”.

“There’s nothing to understand, Jack. The bad guys won. It’s a miracle you were on your way here or else they would have killed you. Reports coming from the Pentagon are not good”.

“How come the SGC has been spared? Sorry if I sound ungrateful, Hank, but how can I trust you?”

Landry chuckled sardonically.

“The SGC hasn’t been spared. We had twenty-three casualties. It took us two hours to subdue the Trust agents”.

“So I just missed all the action and now you’re telling me there’s nothing to be done”:

“There is something to be done―evacuate. Bombs have already been launched. We control this gate―the one in Antarctica’s been destroyed. I have been sending people to the Alpha site for a while already. I can’t guarantee that we’ll be able to gate again once it disengages”.

Jack wiped his eyes with the palm of his hand. He was still trying to process everything that was going on, and he couldn’t help but think that Carter would already have a solution in her mind.

Carter…

“Hank, tell Teal’c to contact Pegasus and tell them what’s going on”.

“On it. Jack, you need to get to the Alpha site and check everyone’s well. I’m coordinating the evacuation efforts, but I need to check we didn’t have a mole, that the site is safe”.

“How many people have you managed to evacuate?”

“About one hundred and forty people. We’re rounding up as many of our people as we can”.

“Families?”

Jack had to know. If this was truly the end of the world, he needed to know that their families were safe. Cassie. Mark and his family. His own sisters and brother.

“We just got ahold of your goddaughter, Cassandra. Colonel Carter’s brother and his family were evacuated a while ago. We haven’t located your family, Jack. I’m sorry”.

He nodded solemnly. At least Cassie and Mark were safe.

“We go to the Alpha site, we regroup, and we try to retake Earth”, Jack told Hank with severity. From the tone of his voice, it was clear it wasn’t a suggestion. They may not have the resources to fight back at the moment, but that didn’t mean they’d simply surrender.

“We’ll lose control of the gate once we evacuate”.

“We have allies”.

“Fine. I’ll contact Teal’c. You get ready and go to the site. I’ll follow suit”.

“Okay”.

----------------------------------------------

Earth was falling and Jack couldn’t do anything about it. Perhaps it was his headache, full-blown by the time he got into his tac-vest, but he just couldn’t think of a solution. Most of the nations of Earth had declared war amongst themselves, the nuclear weapons had already been deployed and were bound to reach their targets any minute now, their ships were probably on standby to destroy everything…

Evacuation at least gave them a chance to fight back.

Although losing control of the gate was not something he was happy about.

He looked at Hank just before stepping into the gate and told him:

“We need to make sure these guys can’t get to Pegasus”.

“I got it covered”. Landry told him as he watched the seconds of the self-destruct get to zero.

Jack understood.

-------------------------------------------------

Jack was expecting to find the Alpha site fairly packed with shaken people, a mix of officers and civilians.

What he found shook him to the core.

Everyone was dead.

Landry was right; there must have been a mole amongst the evacuated people. He felt a knot in his stomach, but he knew he had to keep his wits about him. The traitor might still be there.

Picking up his P-90 close to his chest, he started investigating the casualties and their wounds. They had been shot with human weapons, which only further confirmed his theory about the perpetrator.

“Ah, crap”.

In a corner, huddled together, were the dead bodies of Mark, his wife and children.

He wanted to scream―nobody had survived. There was going to be no regrouping, no taking Earth back. At least, not yet. He needed to get to Pegasus. Maybe with their help… or better yet: he needed to go to Dakara, get Teal’c and the Jaffa, and… and what? His head was about to explode; he couldn’t think straight.

Earth was in the midst of a global nuclear war―would there be any survivors? Perhaps those aboard the ships, if they managed to subdue the traitors. But even that seemed like a long shot.

“Crap, crap, crap”.

What was he going to do? It seemed quite possible that the rest of the sites had gone through the same fate.

He was all alone, and he had nowhere to go.

“Uncle Jack?”

He turned around.

“Cassie! Oh god!” he ran to hug his goddaughter, who was covered in blood. “Are you okay?” he asked her as he broke the hug to check on her.

“Yes. This isn’t my blood”.

“H-how?”

“I hid. Just like on Hanka. I was the last one to step through the gate, and the massacre had already begun. I… covered myself with blood and hid behind a couple of corpses”.

“Oh, god”.

“They had a ship waiting for them―it was of Goa’uld design”.

“Hmm, they must be Baal’s fleet, or part of the Lucian Alliance”.

“The gate was still active, so they couldn’t use it to get away. I waited and then you stepped out”.

“We should move. I don’t think this is safe”.

Cassie nodded, and her expression eerily reminded Jack of when they found her as a small girl who had lost everything and everyone.

“Where should we go?”

That was the big question. Landry had self-destructed the SGC, and seeing how things were going, the other sites were out of the question. Dakara, Jack thought.

“Let’s grab supplies and go to the Jaffa. They might be able to help”.

“Okay”.

They started grabbing everything they could find that could fit their backpacks.

After a few minutes of supply-gathering, they were ready to go. Jack stood in front of the DHD and paused.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t remember the address of Dakara”.

There wasn’t time to try and jolt his memory, however, because the Goa’uld ship was back, and began shooting at them.

Jack simply pressed the buttons in whatever order he could and just wished for the best.

“Quick, get in!”

Chapter Text

They didn’t stop at the planet they landed in. Jack decided it would be prudent to put several jumps between them and the Alpha site. Since his head was about to explode, and his memory wasn’t the best, he gave up on getting to Dakara, at least for the time being.

And so, after three or four planets they didn’t even look at, Cassie and Jack finally settled on one.

At first sight, it looked just like any other planet; a copy of British Columbia. But Jack knew that appearances can be deceiving, and they should be careful.

“You up for some recon?”

Cassie looked at him with determination and awkwardly waved the P-90 that was hanging over her shoulder.

“Of course”.

Jack smiled proudly and then helped her pick the weapon correctly.

“You don’t know how to use this, do you?”

“I’m a fast learner”.

Her eyes were still full of the same determination, which in turn increased Jack’s pride in her. He snorted and took out the handgun from his pocket and put it in her hand.

“For now, use this. It’s easy: you reload, you point, and shoot”.

“Got it”.

Cassie nodded and gave Jack the extra P-90 so he could sling it on his shoulder.

“Let’s go”.

They walked around for several hours and made sure there was nobody there. At least, not anywhere near the gate. But Jack decided to go far from it, just in case there were uninvited guests.

“Let’s find a nice place to set camp and spend the night”.

“Okay”.

Walking in silence, Jack glanced at Cassie. She looked shaken up―it was no wonder. Still, he asked:

“You okay, kiddo?”

Cassie shook her head, and he could see tears gathering in her eyes.

“It’s just…” she exhaled a sigh, and then she wiped a stray tear. “I am not unfamiliar to loss. First on Hanka, then with mom’s death. And yet… it doesn’t get any easier, does it?”

Jack swallowed hard. Cassie was so young and had already gone through so much pain. He felt powerless.

“It doesn’t. It never does. Every new loss is just as painful as the first”.

“I’m sorry, Jack, I know you lost people too”.

“Don’t worry about me, Cass”.

There was a second spent in silence before Cassie said:

“At least we know Sam is alive”.

Jack ruffled his hair with his hand and answered truthfully.

“I hope you’re right”.

“What do you mean you hope?”

“Cassie, we don’t know how far the infiltrations went. Who knows if there’s a Trust agent in Atlantis. Besides, Landry told me our ships were compromised. If they make it to Pegasus and nobody has warned them…”

“I’m sure Landry must have contacted them. And Sam will protect her crew”.

“Of that, I’m sure”.

“So, the plan is to get to her?”

“For the moment, the plan is to get through the night. I think we shouldn’t stay on the same planet for more than a day. Hopefully, I’ll remember the address to Dakara once I get some rest, and then we can go to the Jaffa for help”.

“And then… retake Earth? Go to Sam?”

“Earth has fallen, kid. The only thing we’d retake is a ball of radiation, fire and ashes. We’d go to Sam”.

“Understood”.

Branches snapped under their feet as they walked through the forest in silence, once again. Jack felt he needed to say something to Cassie, to make her feel slightly better. The only issue was he was crap at that sort of thing. It wasn’t a good excuse, but it kept him in silence until they found a good spot to set camp.

“Let’s unpack the sleeping bags. I’ll start a fire”.

“Got it. I’ll set the tents as well”.

They worked on their tasks in silence until a nice fire was burning and the tents and bags were set. Jack took out an MRE and split its contents between the two.

“I know we can get food by hunting or maybe even trading if we find friendly people, but I think we should ration the food regardless”, he explained.

“Okay, I agree”.

They started eating in silence, of course, until Jack’s guilty conscience made him talk.

“You’re a survivor, Cassie”, he said, clearing his throat between bites, “and so am I. We’ll get through this”.

Cassie didn’t answer him at first. She simply kept on eating. But then, she told him:

“I don’t know if… I want to get through this”.

“Cassie, I know everything seems bleak right now, but things will get better”.

“So you say, but… what if Sam’s dead and Atlantis has also fallen? What if we have nowhere to go in this universe?”

“Then we’ll find a nice little planet and settle down. We’ll find a way, Cassie”.

Cassie laughed bitterly and, if she looked like a little girl when he found her on the Alpha site, now she looked like a jaded adult.

“I don’t know how you can be so optimistic, Jack”.

“It’s my job to try and comfort you, kid.”

Cassie went on without even listening to him.

“I lost all my friends! I lost my…”

Jack raised a brow.

“Your…?”

A blush crept into her face and suddenly tears started rolling down her cheeks. She wiped them furiously, angry at herself for allowing the moment of weakness in front of Jack.

She shook her head.

Jack didn’t insist, not wanting to upset her even more.

Cassie decided to confide in him.

“I was going to introduce her to you this Thanksgiving, if Sam managed to get permission to spend it in this galaxy”.

“Oh…I… I didn’t know you had a…”

“Girlfriend. You can say it”.

“A girlfriend. I’m sorry, Cass”.

“She was with her parents. When they got me to the SGC. It was my fault, if I had gone with her, they would have saved us all. They couldn’t find her in time.”

“You don’t know that. For all you know, you could’ve died along with everybody else in the Alpha site”.

“Then why do I feel so guilty?”

“Well, there’s a term for that: survivor’s guilt. It’s… not pleasant”.

“You have it yourself”.

It wasn’t a question; she saw it in his expression.

Jack shrugged.

“Not for the first time”, he confessed, but didn’t elaborate. He didn’t want to relive experiences of war in the Middle East.

Cassie didn’t pry. But she did follow up with a question.

“Did you get over it? Before?”

“With time. And help”.

“Will you help me?”

“Any time, Cass, any time”.

“Thank you”, she replied with a small smile.

Jack corresponded, and before the silence lingered for too long, he got up and picked his P-90.

“I’ll take first watch. Well, actually, I’ll take watch the whole night, no worries. Just rest”.

“What? No! I’ll help as well”.

“Cassie, you don’t even know how to shoot a gun. No offence, but…”

“None taken. I’ll wake you up if I see or hear something strange. No need to shoot. Please, Jack, I need you to be rested if we’re to survive this”.

Her logic was undeniable.

“Okay. I’ll take first watch. You’ll take second, and I’ll take the last. Deal?”

“Deal”.

“Rest”.

------------------------------------

“Good morning, Cassie, wake up!”

“Ugh… w-who gave the green light to such an uncomfortable sleeping gear?”

“The Air Force. Come, I made some coffee. We should probably ration that too, but since this is our first morning of adventure, I think we can break protocol”.

“How are you so chipper?”

“Not my first mission off-world. You’ll get used to it”.

Cassie sighed and got out of her sleeping bag.

“I don’t think I will”.

“Here. Drink this, enjoy. I’m gonna start packing the gear”.

“Fine”.

Once ready, Jack looked at Cassie with determination. They could survive this. They would survive this.

“Let’s go, shall we?”

“Yes! What’s… what’s the plan?”

“Gate to a couple of planets, see if we can find the Jaffa. We’ll have to be careful, though. Who knows just how far the tentacles of the Trust reach”.

“Got it”.

“Let’s get going, then. I’ll even allow you to put the address yourself”.

“Quite an honor”.

“I know”.

Jack winked, and they began trekking towards the gate. He tried to think about this as another mission, as an adventure. If he paused to think about it with close attention, he might not make it. He hoped he could help Cassie make it too.

Chapter Text

The moment Teal’c disconnected his transmission with Colonel Carter in Atlantis, he made a decision: he had to find Jack O’Neill. Despite the fact that they hadn’t been able to establish contact with Earth, he needed to see for himself. There was no way he would not, at least, try.

“It is too risky, Teal’c”, Ka’lel told him just as he suggested it. “The unknowns are too great. After the Ori left us in disarray, we cannot spare the resources to find your friends”.

“It is in our best interest”, Teal’c argued, “we require to know if our biggest ally has been completely annihilated”.

“The counsel shall take a vote”.

And the vote was a resounding no.

Teal’c was not surprised. It also did not faze him. His decision had been made the minute he saw Colonel Carter’s expression when he spoke to her. The pain, the shock, the sadness―all enclosed in her eyes. He owed it to her.

Getting off Dakara was not hard. He decided not to use the gate system, considering none of the Tau’ri gates were responsive, and so, he stole, or rather, borrowed, a Tel’tak.

In the middle of the night, nobody stopped him. Perhaps they did not realize he was taking off. Perhaps they did and just did not bother chasing him. Perhaps they wanted him to go.

As things were, it would take him a couple of days, even at hyper-speed, to get to Earth. The Tau’ri planet was his first choice, before the off-world sites, so that he could see if any survivors remained there. His plan consisted of rescuing them ―if there were any―and doing the same on all the different sites.

However, what he really wanted to check was if Jack O’Neill was alive. Teal’c understood it might not be as simple as arriving on the planet and transporting him inside the Tel’tak. He understood he might not find any survivors at all.

If that was the case… his search of Jack O’Neill would increase in difficulty.

There were too many variables to concern oneself with, and he could not attain any answers yet.

He should probably attempt to meditate. It was easy. He had done it millions of times.

And yet…

His mind wandered dangerously to other thoughts. What if he failed in his mission? He would disappoint Colonel Carter―he would not ease her pain, which was his foremost intention. And he would fail Jack O’Neill, his first Tau’ri friend he ever had. If he was alive.

That was a big if.

However, he thought, it would not be the first time that O’Neill’s status was unknown, and he had always returned to them alive.

Until he saw his cadaver, Teal’c would assume he was simply, as the Tau’ri put it, “missing in action”.

Meditating was impossible.

He stood up and flicked off the candles. Perhaps he would have to go back to the control room and get to observe the blue of hyperspace. Maybe that was all the candlelight he needed to clear his mind.

-----------------------------------------

“You need to consider the wind and things like gravity. There. Aim a little higher. That’s it. Okay. Breathe. Ready? Shoot!”

The few birds that were around flew away at the sound of Cassie’s shot. They were hunting a deer. Well, not exactly a deer, if one took into account the color and the third eye. But, Jack thought, it was close enough. And, after the strange, insistent questions the merchant asked them when they came to trade for food, he had decided it was better not to depend on anyone for survival. Besides, that way he could teach Cassie to shoot, and other important skills she would probably need.

As the deer fell to the ground, Jack clasped Cassie’s shoulders happy and proud.

“Great job! Come, let’s pick it up. I’ll teach you how to skin it, and we’ll cook it in a fire”.

“Cool”.

They did exactly that, and Jack was fairly satisfied that Cassie seemed to be accepting his lessons with ease. Not only that: she was quite good at it. He wondered if back in Hanka she had done some of those things he was now teaching her. Maybe he was tapping into some buried memories of a past life.

In any case, it was undeniable that Cassie was a natural-born survivor. And that was good. Important. Essential.

“What do you think was the deal with that trader guy?”, Cassie asked as she bit into a chunk of deer meat.

“I don’t know, but he asked too many questions”.

“He seemed to know we were not from around here”.

“Yeah, but that’s not strange. I mean, we do look like outsiders. What bothered me was that he seemed eager to know what planet we came from. Just a little… too eager, y’know?”

“Yeah”.

“I don’t know, maybe I’m just paranoid”.

“No, Jack, he gave me the creeps too”.

“Well, I’m glad I’m not the only one losing their mind here”.

“We’re a team. If you go crazy, I go crazy”.

Cassie was smiling with a familiar twinkle in her eyes. Jack laughed at her words.

“I’m glad to have you as part of my team, kiddo”.

“Hey, this deer isn’t half bad”.

“I was thinking just the same thing!”

“See? A team!”

“The best team”.

------------------------------------

When Earth appeared on his viewscreen, Teal’c had to do a double-take. Instead of the usual blue planet, the ball that appeared in front of him was enveloped in a dark cloud. The oceans were red and could only be seen intermittently when the clouds dispersed.

He only knew it was Earth because he checked the coordinates on his screen. Even the moon seemed to have been blown into smithereens.

Genera Landry’s words resounded in his mind. Teal’c remembered the general telling him it was the end, but until the desolation was in front of him, he had held the hope that it wasn’t that bad. That maybe something could be salvaged.

Now it was clear that was an impossibility. Teal’c was not even sure he could safely transport down to check the damage. He decided for the time being he could at least try to find any life signs with the Tel’tak’s scanners.

The scan was still running, when a ship suddenly dropped out of hyper-speed in front of his Tel’tak. It was the Odyssey.

Maybe Jack O’Neill was aboard the vessel.

Teal’c reached for the communication channels on the pel’tac and tried hailing the Odyssey.

“Odyssey, this is Teal’c, please, respond”.

Nobody replied.

He tried again.

“This is Teal’c. I wish to speak to the commander of this vessel. Please, respond”.

Instead of getting the reply he hoped for, the ship turned and began deploying its weapons. Teal’c was quick to react, and the beam only reached his Tel’tak partially.

He jumped into hyper-speed and hoped he would not be followed. His Tel’tak was no match, after all, against the Tau’ri vessels. Especially after the Asgard modifications.

This was very bad news.

If an enemy of the Tau’ri had indeed managed to seize control of their ships, any survival from his friends and colleagues would be more improbable.

Teal’c did not leave his eyes from the external sensors. The ship was following him. What was worse: it would soon catch up with him. And when that happened, he would be obliterated.

He made a decision: he input the furthest coordinates he could think of and placed the Tel’tak on autopilot.

There was only one chance for his plan to work.

He got inside the death glider that was in the cargo bay, and opened the gates, allowing all the cargo, including his ship, to fall out.

Teal’c’s hope was that, if he refrained from activating the glider’s engines, the Odyssey’s sensors would detect it as nothing more than space junk.

If his ruse was detected, he’d be dead.

He didn’t even dare breathe as the glider slid out of the Tel’tak, and out of the hyperspace bubble.

He waited for a few seconds and, when he realized he was still in one piece, he decided to start the glider engines.

For a moment, Teal’c was not sure of what to do or where to go. He supposed the different Tau’ri off-world sites might also be under surveillance from whoever had made the Earth fall. General Landry had not given him details about that: he only had time to relay the mission of contacting Atlantis to inform them of the inevitable demise of Earth. Nothing else. The screen had turned black before Teal’c could ask for details.

Whoever it was, it was clear they had known the allies of the Tau’ri might be coming to their aid. The sites were, thus, off-limits. At least for the time being.

Then, where would he go?

The glider was way too small and uncomfortable for long journeys. Perhaps, thus, the solution was to try and find a better ship on a trading planet.

And then he would find Jack O’Neill.

If that was at all possible.

Chapter Text

By the time Teal’c docked his glider on the harbor of a backwater planet the Jaffa knew as Blibo, he had had a long time to question whether it made sense to continue with his search. For all he knew, Jack O’Neill might be just as dead as his planet.

And yet, he thought, General Landry had said they were evacuating the planet, so there was still a chance he had escaped. And somehow avoided the ships that had targeted him when he arrived at Earth to check for survivors.

It was that sliver of hope that made him keep going.

He would get a ship, hopefully with cloaking technology, and then…?

Perhaps he should reconsider his earlier stance and take the chance of going to the Tau’ri off-world sites.

It would be a good tactic to try to find survivors there. Or, at the very least, clues of what happened to them. In his mind, the possibility of the sites going unscathed was unrealistic, especially after being attacked so quickly when he arrived in Earth.

All of those thoughts were swirling in his uneasy mind as he climbed out of the glider. Blibo was a busy planet, probably the busiest in that part of the galaxy. Largely untouched by the Goa’uld, it had managed to thrive on an economy based in trade of all sorts of contraband. Arms, ships, slaves… everything could be found there. That was the main reason why it had been allowed to survive in the first place, first by the System Lords, and now by the Lucian Alliance.

Teal’c was no fool; he knew he could not trust anyone on that planet. What was more: it was altogether possible that the people in charge of Earth’s destruction might have hired the services of people on that planet. He needed to tread lightly.

The first thing he did was wrap his head with a scarf that he found at the back of a stall. It was important to look inconspicuous and a Jaffa tattoo might not be exactly well received after their liberation from the Goa’ulds.

He walked with determination, as if he had frequented the planet on more than one occasion.

He didn’t go directly to the sellers that traded with ships. First, he wanted to see if the people there had any inkling about what had happened to the Tau’ri. Perhaps if he managed to know who had done it, he could devise a way to… what? Get revenge? It was not as if he could go back in time to avoid the destruction of the planet. In any case, information was power, so it could be useful to know.

Teal’c’s mind was a whirlwind of conflicting ideas, which was not a usual occurrence.

It was undoubtful that Earth’s destruction had affected him more than he at first realized.

The first few stalls he visited were manned by arms dealers. Teal’c decided it was a good idea to get some, just in case. While he got the deals done, he tried to hear what the word on the street was.

He got nothing.

Maybe the Tau’ri were not as relevant as he thought, and their destruction a mere footnote in the history of the universe.

Or maybe nobody wanted to ruffle the feathers of whoever it was that had done it.

It was no use to delay his mission any longer. He went to the hangar bay, where the ship dealers awaited to trade their goods.

The ships were displayed as if it were a museum. Teal’c walked beside them as an art dilettante, while the dealers shouted the ships’ specs at him. He saw several Goa’uld ships, and for a second wondered if he should put faith in the trustworthy Tel’tak once again. But maybe it would be better to get an inconspicuous ship, so as not to arise suspicions. They knew he had been using a Tel’tak already. Although maybe because of that they would not suspect if he repeated the ship. If they knew he was still alive.

What would the best course of action be?

Jack O’Neill’s voice resounded in his mind with the decision already made:

“Just pick whichever has more power, T. And call it the Enterprise”.

He was right. Not about the name.

There was a medium-sized ship, slightly smaller than a Tel’tak, but much bigger than a glider, that had the cloaking technology he wanted and a decent hyper-speed drive, that would take him to the Alpha site in about a day. It was a mix of different technologies and designs.

It was perfect.

The deal was easy enough to make: the glider plus a couple of the guns Teal’c had purchased earlier sufficed.

He was about to leave, when the trader said something that stopped him dead in his tracks.

“Y’know, you’re the second person in just two days that comes looking for a ship with good hyper-drive and cloaking tech”.

“Is that so?” Could it be?

“Yeah, just yesterday an old man and a young woman came through the gate looking for just about the same ship”.

A man and a young woman… it probably was not Jack O’Neill but…

“Could you describe them to me?”

“The man was in his fifties, he had a beard of some days, bags under his eyes, lots of guns. Grey hair… I don’t know, he clearly was an outsider to this star system. The girl had brown hair, slim, she was his daughter, probably. Around twenty years of age. I don’t know what else to tell you, man”.

“Did they say where they were headed?”

“Somewhere far, I reckon. They were adamant on getting the fastest ship”.

“But they did not specify”.

“No, man, they were distrusting. They didn’t want to say too much. If you ask me, I think they were running away from someone”.

“From whom?”

“I don’t know man, someone you’d want to get away from”.

He would not get any clear answers from this man.

“Thank you for your assistance”.

“Sure thing. Pleasure doing business with you”.

As Teal’c climbed onto his new ship, all he could think of was whether he was projecting his own desires onto what he had been told. There were millions and millions of men like that. Furthermore, who could that girl be? It took him several minutes but then his imagination filled in the blanks: Cassandra Fraiser. Was he losing his mind? Chances of Jack O’Neill and Cassandra Fraiser surviving and arriving in that planet were minimal. Almost impossible.

Almost.

It gave him hope.

And that was enough to propel him forward.

---------------------------------

After a day of travelling at hyper-speed with the cloaking technology on, Teal’c arrived in the Alpha site—or what remained of it. His scanner warned him that there were ships nearby, but thankfully, they did not detect him.

He decided to land near some trees so that he could be hidden from anyone in orbit.

The outlook of the site was almost as bleak as in Earth. Smoke was coming out of the few buildings that were there, completely burned down, and his breath caught in his throat when he neared the gate.

The bodies of hundreds of people lay dead just by the steps of the Chappa’ai. These were the people General Landry had attempted to help evacuating them from Earth.

He squatted to examine one of the victims, and he could see that the wounds were of Goa’uld design. That didn’t mean much: both the Lucian Alliance and the Trust used refurbished Goa’uld weapons. Not to mention the rest of the galaxy. As he had seen in Blibo, Goa’uld weapons were the latest craze in arms contraband.

But there was something that caught his attention: the pockets of this person were turned inside out.

He examined another body, and again its pockets were just like the first’s.

One by one, he saw that every single one had been searched, which meant… there were survivors. He hoped. He didn’t think scavengers must have come yet, not with those ships orbiting around the planet.

Teal’c’s heart was beating fast; searching through the bodies was taking a toll on him. Decomposition had begun already, and it was hard to discern who these people had been when they were alive. And yet, he needed to see if he could identify Jack O’Neill.

It took him four hours of thoroughly examining each body, and he concluded Jack O’Neill was not among them. He went through the different supply closets and confirmed that, indeed, someone had looted all resources—no guns, no food, nothing had been left untouched.

Teal’c sat down on a chair that had miraculously managed to survive and tried to think for a moment. Here were the facts he knew: Jack O’Neill’s body was not among the dead. Somebody had looted the resources of the Alpha site. A man and a young woman who could match Jack O’Neill and Cassandra Fraiser’s description had purchased a ship on Blibo.

That was it.

He could not conclude that O’Neill and Cassandra had been among the evacuees in the first place. He could not conclude that, in the event that they had, they had managed to survive and scavenged the site for resources. He could not conclude that they had landed on Blibo to acquire a ship.

None of those things were facts.

But perhaps that did not matter. It was true that he did not have the confirmation of O’Neill and Cassandra Fraiser being alive, but neither had he the confirmation of their deaths.

Thus, he had to choose what he would like to believe. And that was clear in his mind.

He would still continue with his search.

For the moment, he would go to the other off-world sites, to see if they had suffered the same fate as the Alpha.

Hopefully, he would be able to have some answers soon.

Chapter Text

It had been several days since they managed to get themselves a ship, and both Jack and Cassie were bored. With no clear course other than the vague getting to Dakara intentions, neither knew exactly where to head to. It had been Jack’s prerogative not to ask the ship contrabandist for directions―it was already quite risky to purchase the ship in the first place, not knowing if the dealers on the planet had ties with the Trust; or, rather, just how deep their ties went.

Thus, the decision had been to jump into hyperdrive to get away as far as possible from that planet, and then, hopefully, get directions to go to Dakara somewhere else.

After all, they had managed to get directions to that trading planet, and nobody had been waiting for them with guns pointing at them, which meant their informant had been trustworthy. If only they could find another one like that, so that they could finally go to the Jaffa!

Jack wanted to see Teal’c. Not only because they were friends, and quite honestly they could do with some allies right about then, but also because Jack had a plan.

A plan that needed as many soldiers as they could get.

“I’m just sayin’,” he explained to Cassie as they lazily lounged by the controls of the ship, “if we’re to go to Atlantis, we’ll need a better ship than this”.

“So, you want a Tel’tak? A Ha’tak?! I’m sure the Jaffa will be happy to lend us one if they have it”.

“No, kiddo. We need to get the Daedalus”.

“Isn’t the Daedalus…?”

“MIA. Landry said they were coming back from Atlantis, and he hadn’t been able to establish contact with them. In my mind, that means they either were infiltrated by Trust agents, and we should try to retake the ship or they were not infiltrated, and they might be out there, somewhere”.

“I don’t know, Jack, what if they were attacked and killed? And the ship is there, drifting in space…”

“More reason to try to find it”.

“But… What I’m trying to say is… Jack, for all we know the Daedalus might be back in Atlantis, and that is if we’re to assume they survived without being infiltrated. Or even being infiltrated they might have… arrived in Atlantis to destroy it.”

“Hmm… you’re right. Finding the Daedalus might be an impossible task. Maybe we should try to get the Odyssey then”.

“But the Odyssey has been compromised, right?”

“Yes, it has. It was orbiting Earth when we were evacuated. If they got the Daedalus, I’m guessing the Odyssey will stay in this galaxy”.

“No offense, Jack, but I think you’re counting on too many ifs”.

“I might be. That is why it’s important to get to the Jaffa, so that they can give us information about the status of the galaxy. I think a Ha’tak’s scanners could detect an Asgard ship with no issue. And if there aren’t any… I guess we could see if any other ship could get us to Atlantis”.

Cassie stayed quiet for a second, before she stood up and got herself something to eat. When she came back with something resembling an apple, she said to Jack:

“Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot, kid”.

“Why are you so adamant in getting one of Earth’s ships? I’m sure we could get to Atlantis on a Ha’tak, although it took longer”.

“Well, first of all, I’m not sure if we actually could get to the Pegasus galaxy on the snake-heads’ ship. I know it took Carter a while to figure out trans-galactic travel. And, most importantly, we’ve lost everything, Cass. Reclaiming one of our ships would be like reclaiming a part of ourselves. So, I’ll do everything I can to get us one of those ships”.

“I get that”.

“I knew you would”:

“So… wanna try this star system?”

“Nah, look: the planets all seem engulfed by lava”.

“Back to hyperspeed, then?”

“Back to hyperspeed”.

------------------------------------------

“What do you think about this planet?” Cassie asked Jack as they entered orbit.

“We’ll need to see how developed they are. Last planet we were on was so isolated they had never seen a spaceship before, let alone heard of Goa’uld or Jaffa…”

“At least they were friendly. And their bread tastes quite good”.

“I know. I wish everyone we met was as friendly…”

“Look, Jack, ships! And not just any ships”.

On the ground, dispersed as if they were personal vehicles, lay several Tel’taks.

“This could be bad news, Cass. So many Goa’uld ships… it could be one of our enemies. Lucian Alliance, Trust…”

“Or they could just happen to have the scraps of the fallen System Lords”.

“Let’s keep our senses, okay? Let’s land over there, and we’ll keep the cloak on”.

“We’ll lose our ship.”

“We won’t. I’ve parked my truck in bigger parking lots than this and always found it”.

“But it was never invisible!”

“Small details. Come on, let’s go”.

----------------------------------------

The people on the planet were no good, but Jack managed to persuade a couple to direct him to someone who had the coordinates for “practically the whole universe", according to one of the lowlifes he interrogated.

He and Cassie went to pay the guy a visit.

“Hey”.

“What do you want?” the man was in his thirties, and was practically covered in scars, the most notable of which crossed the place where his left eye used to be. It was clear he wasn’t there to make any friends.

“We were told you could give us some coordinates”.

“Oh, yeah? And who told you that?”

“We have our sources”.

The man smiled mischievously―he was enjoying their little game.

“It’ll cost ya”, he said with his arms extended as if to say he had no other option.

“We’re willing to pay. Name your price”, Jack replied.

“Some alone time with the little lady would be cool”, he said pointing at Cassie with his head.

Jack’s blood boiled with anger. He practically launched himself towards the guy and, in a swift movement, he had him pinned on the ground, with his knee on his neck.

“Do you think this is a game?!” Jack shouted into his ear. “Cos I have no time for games!”

“Re-relax. I’ll… g-give you...”

“What’s that? What did you say? Louder, for the lady to hear!”

“The coord-coordinates! I’ll g-give… please…”

The man was starting to lose consciousness, so Jack loosened his grip on him”.

“Do we have a deal?”

“Where…” the man coughed for air, “do you want to go?”

------------------------------------------

The silence aboard their ship as they finally made their way to Dakara was deafening. Neither Jack nor Cassie wanted to be the one to break it. Neither wanted to talk about what had happened.

But, Cassie thought, they needed to clear the air between them before they arrived.

“I didn’t need saving”, she said out loud, as if they had been having a conversation for a while.

Jack looked at her guiltily.

“I’m not a damsel in distress that need saving every time some gross man says something distasteful to me”.

“He was looking at you like…”

“…like I’m a woman he wants to fuck? Believe it or not, it’s not the first time I’ve received that look. I know you still think of me as that little girl on Hanka, but I’m not, Jack”.

“I’m sorry, Cass. I lost it. It’s just… I don’t know. You’re right―you’re not a little girl anymore. And you’re a damn good shot”.

Cassie smiled.

“I would’ve blown his dick away”.

“In a heartbeat”.

“Apology accepted”.

“I’m glad. I promise not to get all overprotective again”.

“And I promise that if I do need help, I’ll let you know”.

“Deal”.

--------------------------------------------

It seemed like a dream, but there they were: Dakara. Rebuilt after the whole Ori situation, the Free Jaffa Nation seemed stronger than ever. It was a relief for Jack to see that that was the case―more than once had his imagination pictured a Dakara engulfed in flames.

Seeing it so… whole relaxed him.

They informed the Jaffa of who they were and what their intentions were, and soon they were landing on the planet.

“Jack O’Neill―and guest. It’s good news to see you. We believed all of the Tau’ri had been annihilated”, Ka’lel, a Jaffa Jack had only met once before, greeted him.

“Thank you. It has been quite a long trip to get here. Is Teal’c around?”

“We regret to tell you Teal’c has been missing for a while”.

“What?”

“He what?”

Chapter Text

“What do you mean Teal’c’s missing?” Jack could not believe his ears. After all they had been through; all those weeks scavenging and fighting tooth and nail to get to Dakara, the most important person he hoped to find there was missing.

“As I said, we do not know where he is, if he is alive”. ´

“If he’s alive?”

“Our scanners detected debris from a destroyed Tel’tak―it was the same one Teal’c took from our docking bay. We were able to retrieve the ships’ logs and saw the cargo gates were opened a few minutes before it was destroyed. We hope that means he was able to escape”.

“I can’t believe this”.

“Jack, where do you think Teal’c would go looking for us?” Cassie asked, keeping a cold mind, which was just what Jack needed to focus himself. He had been so disappointed by the news that he had lost perspective of everything for a second.

“I imagine he would go to Earth or to the Alpha site”.

“Well, then, maybe we should go there, try finding him”.

“Wait. How long ago did he disappear?”

“Many moons ago. But if he managed to use the glider, it would take him that long to get to your planet”.

“We should go, shouldn’t we, Jack? Let’s assume he’s alive”, Cassie said, ready to go on yet one more mission.

Jack was more cautious, for a change. He didn’t want to rush straight into an ambush, after having survived for so long.

“Is there a way for us to maybe send a message? Or to scan for ships in Earth’s orbit?”

“I am afraid all our scans and long-range communicators are broken. We had a big storm yesterday; it disabled them. We are working to fix them, but in the meantime, we can only use our short-range comms”.

“Just our luck. I guess that means we can’t contact Atlantis either”.

“Not for the time being”.

Cassie’s eyes echoed Jack’s disappointment. They had both thought that Dakara would be the answer to many of their questions. Instead, it had been just one more stop in their seemingly never-ending quest to get to Sam.

“Okay. I need you to walk me through everything you know about what happened to Earth, what happened to the ships we had in orbit, and anything you might know about our different sites. Then, we’ll go see if we manage to get to Teal’c”, Jack added the last part looking at Cassie with reassurance. In his mind, the mission would be not only to try to recapture the ship, but also to find his friend.

If that was at all possible. Seeing the Jaffa so busy rebuilding their comm systems meant they would probably not spare any of them for their mission. It seemed the army he needed would be reduced only to Cassie and him.

Just their luck.

--------------------------------------

“Don’t you feel like we’re never ever going to get to Atlantis?” Cassie asked Jack as they both rested in some temporary quarters the Jaffa had been gracious enough to lend them.

They had decided that, if they were about to embark on quite possibly a life-endangering mission, they needed to be well-rested. The adrenaline surge they had felt when they finally landed in Dakara had long subsided, and it had been substituted by all the exhaustion they had been accumulating since they departed the Alpha site all those weeks ago.

“Do you want an honest answer to that?” Jack said without moving from his bed. “Or a hopeful one?”

“That’s enough of an answer for me. Tells me everything I need to know about how you feel”.

Jack turned to look at Cassie, but she was looking at the ceiling, not him. Still, he answered as if she were.

“Look. We need to take this one step at a time. We need to see if Teal’c’s around Earth, see if we can get the Odyssey”.

“Jack, do you think Teal’c is really alive?”

“You were more hopeful than that before…”

“I want to know your opinion. Your actual opinion”.

“I don’t know, Cass. The Jaffa didn’t think we were alive either, and here we are. Teal’c’s just a big of a survivor as we are. I think if anyone’s alive, it’s him”.

“What if he’s not there?”

“We continue with the rest of our mission―we go stealthily, try to infiltrate the Odyssey. Kill everyone who needs to be killed. Go to Atlantis”.

“You say it as if it were easy”.

“I know. Trying to keep it simple makes it more achievable in my head. I know it’s not going to be easy. But I’m hoping that with the intel the Jaffa gave us, we might be able to circumvent the sensors of the Odyssey long enough for us to transport into the ship”.

“And then, it’s just two weeks until we get to Atlantis, right?”

“Exactly”.

“Do you think we’ll find Sam there? And everyone else? Y’know, alive?”

“That, I do hope. I think Atlantis is defensible enough for them to withstand any attack from the Trust”. Jack’s eyes got misty for an instant before he continued. “Besides, Sam’s a great leader. I have the utmost faith in her abilities to defend her people. And her people are the best and brightest from Earth, so…”

“Right”.

Cassie yawned―she was getting sleepy.

“When did you know you loved her?” she suddenly asked, thinking some gossip about her godparents might keep her awake.

Jack jumped a little in his bed, not expecting that sort of question to come from her.

“Well… I guess I was hooked on her the first time I met her and she challenged me to a pulse. Then, there were some moments in which I realized that the attraction I felt was more than that”.

“Like when she decided to come with me on that elevator?”

“Yeah, that was one of those moments. I couldn’t imagine my life without her”.

“Glad I could help being a matchmaker”.

Jack snorted but said: “Glad you could. Now, rest. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow”.

-----------------------------------

Getting to Earth from Dakara was much faster than their trip the other way around―mainly because they had a ship and the coordinates; two things they were missing on their first trip.

They had their ship cloaked and hoped that with their cloaking device calibrated according to Jaffa stipulations, they would be able to go unnoticed by the Odyssey’s sensors.

If it was even there. The Jaffa had been reading the presence of Asgard technology in orbit of Earth for days, but since their own sensors were down when Jack and Cassie left, there was no way of knowing for sure.

In truth, Jack thought, everything they were doing depended on gambles.

But he was feeling lucky.

“Approaching Earth”, Cassie informed him as they exited hyperdrive.

They both suppressed a gasp when they saw Earth in flames, destruction reigning supreme.

“I’m so sorry, Jack”, Cassie’s words were a whisper, but the sorrow that enveloped them could be felt despite the sounds of the ship’s control-room.

“Any signs of ships nearby?” Jack deflected. He couldn’t take his eyes off the screen―off what was left of his home―but that didn’t mean he wanted to talk about it.

“None”.

“No Teal’c; no Odyssey?” he asked to doublecheck.

“At least not according to our sensors”.

Jack sighed, defeated.

“Another dead end”.

“We should head back to Dakara, shouldn’t we?”

Jack agreed that that was the best course of action. The least reckless. And yet, there was a pull inside of him that made him want to stay there a bit longer, observing the destroyed planet, finding, perhaps, beauty in the destruction.

“Let’s stay here for a while. Maybe we can check on the Moon―we were building a base there, y’know. Maybe it was spared”.

Would it matter if it was? Jack wasn’t certain, but he wanted to check.

The Moon looked majestic compared to its planet, and as they approached its dark side, they saw with something akin to relief that the base had indeed been spared. The construction materials were still there, intact, frozen in time. However, the base was completely empty.

“I guess Landry sent everyone to the Alpha site”, Jack reasoned, “without oxygen and the base half-built, this was not a good choice to stay at to survive”.

“Do you want to land? See if we can get some more weapons or materials? We still have those spacesuits that came with the ship…”

“You know what? Let’s do it”.

What was Jack trying to do by agreeing? Perhaps clinging to a past that was already gone? In any case, as they agreed, they climbed out of the ship and began examining the remains of the base, as if they were as good archeologists as Daniel.

It was eerie to find things exactly as they were left on the last day of Earth―there were tablets and notebooks spread on tables, coffee-cups and snacks on shelves. The places that didn’t have gravity yet had tools floating around, abandoned in the middle of the work.

Time went by without either Jack or Cassie noticing how fast and, suddenly, they heard the sound of Asgard weapons being fired.

“Crap!” Jack shouted in his spacesuit. “We have to go back to the ship!”

But the ship was no more. It had been destroyed by the Odyssey, that had had ample time to detect them.

When she saw the destruction, Cassie exclaimed: “What do we do now?”

And Jack didn’t know.

The Odyssey had begun destroying not only the base, but the moon itself. Soon, they would be obliterated.

“I… I don’t know”, Jack’s words stumbled out of his mouth without permission.

It was over.

They were going to die.

And, then, a white light enveloped them. Surely, that must be what one saw when they died. Except…

“Teal’c!!!”

“Let us get out of here, Jack O’Neill, Cassandra Fraiser”, he said, piloting his cloaked ship out of reach of the Odyssey.

Chapter Text

Jack wanted to ask Teal’c a thousand questions. He wanted to hug him, to tell him how glad he was that he was alive. He wanted to scream of joy and have a moment to delight in a friendship reunited, in having cheated death once again.

However, he didn’t do any of those things.

First, because he was still in his spacesuit, which difficulted moving at all; but, secondly, because Teal’c was busy expertly dodging the Odyssey which, although it couldn’t really detect his cloaked ship, had detected the energy outburst needed to transport them inside.

Thus, as the ship shook and violently moved, both Jack and Cassie started the arduous process of getting out of the spacesuits. It was already hard enough without the ship thrashing about, so, in their current predicament, it took them a while to free themselves.

Cassie, younger and more flexible, finished first and helped Jack.

By the time they both were free, Teal’c had almost lost the pursuing ship and was about o enter hyper-speed.

“I suggest that you hold onto something, O’Neill, Cassandra Frasier”, Teal’c’s deep voice was as calm as ever, despite the tense circumstances. Just as he finished talking, the ship entered hypers-speed while also barreling upside-down.

Jack held onto a bar that was hanging from the ship’s ceiling and managed to grab Cassie just in time for them to dangle about but not fall.

When the ship stabilized a little, and it seemed their way through the hyper-speed bubble would be more uneventful than Teal’c’s last encounter with the Odyssey, the Jaffa turned around to finally look at his friends. He had been right: they were alive. It was almost unbelievable.

It seemed they both were feeling the same way about their reunion. Their eyes were shining with disbelief. Just as he moved to see them, Cassie launched herself to hug him. Teal’c corresponded the hug by wrapping his arms around her body. From her shoulder, Teal’c saw O’Neill smiling, waiting for his turn to hug him as well.

And that’s exactly what happened: the second Cassie broke the hug, O’Neill approached him and did the same.

Their hug lasted much less, but it was enough to convey just how glad they both were to see the other alive.

Once it was over, it was finally time to talk.

“You were a godsend, T”, O’Neill was the first to break the silence.

“Yeah, Teal’c, we were toast. Thank God you came to help us”.

“I was not godsend. I was monitoring the Odyssey, when I saw it go to your moon―this was an anomaly, so I came to investigate”.

“Oh, you’ve been keeping tabs on the Odyssey?”

“I have. Take a seat”.

The ship didn’t have more than two, but Jack wasn’t picky: he grabbed what seemed like a supply box and sat on it, so that Cassie could sit on an actual chair―which, truth be told, didn’t seem much more comfortable.

Teal’c nodded with satisfaction and stayed in silence, as if waiting for someone to speak.

And Jack couldn’t stand the silence for more than two seconds.

“Well?”

That was the cue Teal’c needed to begin recounting the last few days.

“The first time I came to investigate Earth, the Odyssey was waiting for me. It chased me and destroyed my Tel’tak. I decided to use the glider to go to a planet where I could acquire this ship. There, I heard rumors about a pair which I thought could be you, so I decided to return to Earth; I believed that if you were alive, you would also attempt to return. If you were not, at least I could monitor the movements of the ship and ensure that it would not attack Dakara”.

“Well, it was a stroke of genius that you decided to do so”, Cassie said.

Jack agreed, but he was more interested in the second part of Teal’c’s story.

“What can you tell us about the Odyssey’s movements? For how long have you been monitoring them?”

“I have kept logs on everything the Odyssey has been doing for many days”.

“I need to see those logs”, Jack stood up as if a mechanism had activated inside of him.

“What is it that you are planning, O’Neill?” Teal’c arched an eyebrow.

“We are going to take the Odyssey”.

“I do not know if that would be possible”, Teal’c was sceptic―O’Neill’s recklessness might be his undoing this time.

“Oh, but I do. You’ve been surveying the ship undetected for days. We only need some minutes to use your transport rings and get inside”.

Teal’c thought for a second and said:

“You saw they did detect us once I used the transportation technology”.

“But that’s fine, T,” Jack interrupted him, “I don’t care that they detect the ship once we are inside. We won’t be needing it, anyway”.

“I believe there is cause for concern, however, because now they might have configured their sensors according to this ship’s energy readings”.

That gave Jack some pause. Perhaps they had lost their window of opportunity.

“What do we do, Jack?” Cassie asked.

“I believe we should perhaps return to Dakara and use another vessel”, Teal’c answered before Jack could make up his mind. “That way, we could also review our strategy and perhaps enlist some help from my fellow Jaffa”.

“It is something sensible”, Cassie chimed in, seeing that Jack had his hand under his chin, as if he were still thinking about everything.

“But do we know the Odyssey will be there when we come back?”

“It is my experience that the vessel has not ceased to monitor Earth, other than today, when they detected your activity”.

“Yes, but precisely because they detected us, they might change their strategy now―they haven’t been able to destroy this ship, so they know we’re alive. I would not waste any time”.

“It is rushed and risky”.

“My two middle names”.

“Jack, I think Teal’c might be right here. This is a very dangerous operation―we can’t just risk everything; we might not make it if we rush into this. If we manage to be successful, we’ll get to Atlantis. We’re so close! We should be cautious”.

“I concur with Cassandra Frasier”.

“You guys are ganging up on me”.

“We are”.

“Yep”.

Jack observed his friends and saw determination in their eyes. He knew he wouldn’t be able to convince them.

“Fine”, he said, raising his hands in surrender. “We go to Dakara, we regroup, get another ship and go on with the mission”.

Teal’c nodded, satisfied.

“Let’s go over the logs, T. I need to familiarize myself with their routines, and hope they’ll keep them when we go back to them”.

Another nod from the Jaffa, and soon Jack was reading everything Teal’c had seen and done for the past few weeks.

The routine of the Odyssey seemed simple enough: a couple of rounds around the planet, followed by three hours of staying put close to the moon. Then, a couple more rounds and more staying put.

Jack wondered what the deal with the Odyssey was, doing that sort of patrolling, when Earth had fallen many months ago―perhaps even more than a year ago; he wasn’t too sure about the passage of time. There must be something else, something that was escaping him.

It worried him.

Perhaps it was a good idea, after all, not to rush straight into the lion’s den. Perhaps having some more support could be essential for this mission.

As they traveled to Dakara, Jack could only hope that they were making the right choice. That soon they might be able to make it to Atlantis.

To Sam.

Yes, he could only hope.

Chapter Text

“And that is the final plan. Any questions?”

Jack asked the people gathered in the Jaffa’s meeting room. It wasn’t a big crowd: only Teal’c and Cassie, and another four Jaffa Teal’c had requested as backup. Still, it was better than just the three of them.

Everyone shook their head, making it clear that they had understood the assignment. It felt strange, Jack thought, after his last years in the Pentagon pushing papers and putting up with old generals in countless meetings, to be back to an official mission preparation. Planning a strategy, handing out roles, considering dangers and downfalls… that’s what he was trained to do. What he loved doing. What he missed.

If he ever managed to get to Sam in Atlantis, he would ask for an advisory position—he would not take the protagonism away from her, but perhaps she would appreciate the input. And if not, he’d take a fishing rod and back off to enjoy a well-deserved retirement.

Those fleeting thoughts were dancing in his mind amidst the silence of the room. He hadn’t realized everyone was waiting for him to add something or dismiss the meeting.

When he did realize, he held up his hands and said:

“Okay, everybody. Rest. We have an early start tomorrow, and a lot of things depend on us being well-rested. Dismissed.”

Everybody began moving to exit the meeting room, so Jack took Teal’c by the arm before he was able to do the same.

“Do you have a moment, T?”

“Of course, O’Neill”.

Cassie saw the interaction and understood Jack wanted to have a private conversation with his friend.

“I’ll be in the cantina, getting something to eat. If I’m not there by the time you finish, then that means I’ll be at our temporary quarters, Jack”, she told them.

“Perfect, I’ll see you later, Cass”.

“Have a plentiful nourishment, Cassandra Frasier”.

“Thank you, guys”.

They waited for her to leave before they resumed the conversation.

It was Teal’c who asked Jack a question before he could say anything:

“Are you having second thoughts about the mission, O’Neill?”

“No, I’m not. I think it is a solid plan, and with the backup you managed to get us, we have more chances of success”.

“Then what is it that is troubling you?”

“Nothing is troubling me”.

Teal’c raised a brow, clearly not believing him. In fact, Jack wasn’t sure why he was so defensive—this was Teal’c, after all, and just as he couldn’t fool himself, he couldn’t fool him.

“Well, nothing strictly related to this mission is troubling me”.

“Then, what is?”

“Did you speak to her?” Jack didn’t have to specify who he was referring to. “Was she okay? How was she? What did you talk about?” The questions came as a barrage that couldn’t be stopped. They had been in his head ever since Teal’c had saved them from certain death.

“I did speak to Samantha Carter when General Landry was evacuating the planet”.

“How was she? How did she take the news?”

“As you can imagine, the news came as a shock to her. We did not talk much, however. I informed her of what had happened, and that was all”.

Teal’c’s answer wasn’t as satisfactory as Jack had hoped. He had imagined Sam and Teal’c having a long conversation on everything they had lost; on the uncertainty of the future; on… on him, if he was honest with himself.

“Nothing else?”

Teal’c spent a second observing his friend in silence, reading everything that was encapsulated in that question, and everything his expression told him.

“We did not have time for personal topics during our call”, the Jaffa explained, knowing exactly what it was that Jack wanted to know.

He nodded in silence. He understood. The Earth had just fallen, for cryin’ out loud! Of course they wouldn’t have time to discuss petty little things. Besides, both Sam and Teal’c were professional, and they had many more things on their plate when the Apocalypse happened.

He was sure Sam would have been thinking on ways to protect her city, on ways to break the horrible news to her crew; on just about anything but him.

“It did not mean, however, that she did not care about your fate”.

Ever the observant man, Teal’c had expertly read what was bothering Jack.

“I know, I know”, Jack replied holding up his hands in surrender, as if letting Teal’c know that he was done with the conversation.

And yet, he asked one more thing before completely dropping the subject.

“Did she… did she look good?”

They hadn’t spoken in a while before Earth fell, so Jack was curious to know. In his question, he was also implying that he wanted to know about her mental state.

He knew Teal’c understood.

“Yes. She was calm and collected. She looked composed. I am certain she must have done a good job keeping everybody in Atlantis safe”.

“I’m sure she has”.

“She will be happy to see you, O’Neill”.

“She’ll be happy to see us all”.

Jack said smiling, as he patted Teal’c’s shoulder with companionship.

“Wanna grab some dinner?”

“I believe that is a good idea”.

--------------------------------

Cassie was finishing her dinner when Jack and Teal’c entered the cantina.

“Mind if we join ya?” Jack asked her, placing a plate of Jaffa food on the table where he sat.

“Be my guests”.

“Thanks, kid”, Jack replied digging into his food. Teal’c imitated him, but did not say anything.

Since Cassie was almost done, she took advantage of the occasion to lead the conversation.

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” she asked.

“’Course!” Jack mumbled with his mouth full.

Cassie nodded, moving the remaining food around in her plate with her fork.

“Are you apprehensive, Cassandra Frasier?”

Jack was looking at her with interest in his eyes. It was important for him, she knew, that she was all in with the plan. That she was ready. That she wasn’t scared.

But the truth was that she was, a little.

“It’s the most dangerous mission we’ve embarked on”, she replied, keeping her eyes on the food she was moving.

“It’s the last mission”, Jack replied with confidence. “We only need to get through it”.

“I know”.

“It is normal to feel nervous before an important battle. It something every warrior suffers in their life”.

Cassie nodded at Teal’c’s wisdom.

“We’ll get through it, Cassie. Together. Everything will go well, you’ll see. This time, we’re not running blind. We’re not recklessly risking everything”.

“Indeed. We are risking everything with a plan”, Teal’c added.

“T! That’s not…” Jack was exasperated, and the interaction made Cassie laugh.

When he saw the effect their words had on her, Jack relaxed a little, and laughed as well. Perhaps he was more apprehensive about the whole thing than he realized. Perhaps they all needed to laugh a little. Well, not Teal’c, but Jack knew his feelings were safely locked inside of him.

“We’re gonna make it”, Cassie finally said when they stopped laughing.

“That’s right”, Jack echoed her sentiment. “It all comes down to this. Everything we’ve been doing since we managed to escape from the destruction has been leading us to this moment. We’re going to succeed and get to Atlantis”.

“Indeed”, Teal’c replied.

“We’re gonna succeed”.

“We will”.