Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Of course it started because of one of Leo’s mistakes. What else was new?

He probably should have been more cautious before following a witch, especially without the rest of the team to back him up.

It had only been a few months since the invasion. Somehow, despite messing up the most, his injuries affected him the least. Raph had trouble seeing in his right eye after ripping out the Kraang, Donnie’s sensory issues increased tenfold and he now had difficulty getting to sleep, and poor Mikey could barely hold a pencil some days because of the nerve damage.

All this to say, the chronic pain from his shell and knee weren’t a big deal.

That’s why it made sense that he was the one who started patrolling again first. He was the leader, and it only made sense to keep the streets safe while his brothers rightfully rested and recovered.

…They didn’t know about it, but what they didn’t know wouldn’t kill them.

His fast footsteps echoed through the alleyways as he chased after the witch. After robbing a small convenience store and incapacitating everyone inside, she’d fled back to the Hidden City. Why she committed the crime in good ol’ NY instead of the magic town with all the magic stuff was beyond him. Then again, maybe Yokai like Kit-Kats too.

“You belligerent kappa!” She cried as she dashed across the street. The clacking of her bright red heels made it hard to for her to sneak away.

“I’m sorry, who’s the one who put a whole 7-11 to sleep and stole a bunch of twinkies and beer?” He questioned sarcastically. “I’m not going to sugarcoat it, dude—that’s pretty messed up to do right after the world almost ended.”

Leo’s eyes ached from staring at his ceiling for two hours beforehand. His right knee—the one that Prime had broken to hell and back a bit ago, resulting in chronic issues that he’ll have to deal with for the rest of his life—ached and threatened to collapse.

The witch skidded to a stop as she found herself in a dead end. Her panic-filled eyes darted back and forth, trying to spot an exit.

“Aw, what’s wrong? Scared of my handsome face and fist of justice?” Eugh boy, that definitely wasn’t his best. Sleep deprivation always did put him off his game. He twirled his sword and pointed it at the woman in a showy fashion. “Well, this has been fun, but I’d rather head back home and go take a nap before my-”

Something smacked him directly in the face.

Powder clouded his vision, making his eyes sting. He hacked up his throat, trying to get it out of his mouth and nostrils. Everything hurt. He needed to do something, to focus for once you idiot-

And then it stopped. In an instant, the pain vanished like it had never been there in the first place. Not even the ache in his previous injuries remained. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of his chest, like he could finally breathe again.

By the time he looked up, the witch had disappeared as well. The bag the substance  had been in laid on the dirty concrete beside him, leftover dust spilled out. Yet, he didn’t feel disappointed at the revelation.

He didn’t feel…anything.

Not the persistent dread, not the crushing weight of his own failures and guilt. Not even the constant fatigue from having to wake up every morning.

Maybe he would have felt happy about the change, if he had the ability to.

With everything having been ripped from the corpse he called a body, he was left hollow. A machine, left more free than he had been while bogged down by the pain of his actions.

‘Oh,’ he thought lamely. ‘I must’ve been cursed or something.’

Despite the odd circumstance, he was honestly glad (logically speaking) he had been. He assumed it was intended to be negative—it’s dangerous to engage in combat if you can’t feel your own body, after all.

Despite that, he felt better than he had been doing for a long time, even if he couldn’t feel the concrete under his feet or the cool 4am breeze.

Even after failing the mission, he smiled as he opened the portal to his room. ‘Well, this changes everything.’

Chapter Text

Nightmares were a common occurrence for him. They had been when he was younger, sure, but he rarely slept without having one nowadays. He was so accustomed to them at this point that he cried silently instead of waking up everyone else by screaming.

Tonight was a bit different, but not in a bad way. His brain cooked up another dream about his brothers yelling at him during the invasion. It felt like a memory, but if his brothers had said what they were actually thinking. 

Normally, he’d be crying and wallowing in his own misery. Now, with his newfound clarity— ie being under the influence of the “curse” and not being a sensitive little baby—he figured out it was a dream and didn’t freak out.

This time, he took it like a champ. He felt hollow as they screamed and cried and choked him, holding onto every word like gospel. Even though he might not remember all of it, he tried his best to internalize it. 

When he stirred in the early morning, he made sure to turn on his phone and write what his dream-brothers had said. After all, he wanted to better himself for his real ones.

The bright glow from the screen burned his retinas as he wrote. When he eventually finished, he didn’t bother pulling his eyes away from the screen. It was the only source of light in the infinite darkness surrounding him.

He nearly dozed off again, but he was jolted awake by someone knocking on train cart wall. Somehow, he didn’t feel exhausted despite only getting a couple hours of sleep. 

“Leeeeeooooooo,” Mikey called out sweetly. “Breakfast is ready! I made your favorite, so I hope you’re hungry!” His little brother skipped off to the kitchen, humming along the way. From his bed, he could hear his brothers walking about as well.

Leo sat up slowly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He paused when he couldn’t feel his hand.

‘What…?’ In an instant, the memories flooded back in his head. ‘Right. The curse.’ 

As he started getting ready to see his family, he started cataloguing the effects of the curse. As a medic, he knew not being able to feel his own injuries was really bad. Did he care? No, not if it made him a better leader.

It seemed as though he didn’t just lose the ability to feel pain, but the ability to feel in general. Emotions, touch, even hunger and sleepiness was lost on him. 

…Meaning he could train in the dojo for a lot longer and not have to stop because his stupid body forces him to. Perfect.

Leo slipped off his pajamas and got on his gear, prepared for the day. He felt (ha, ‘felt’) somewhat out of it as he mindlessly staggered down the hallway. The turtle nearly tripped over his own feet a few times, unable to tell where they were without looking at them.

He made sure to keep his head down.

(He didn’t boast, or laugh, or make a nuisance of himself. He was quiet. That’s what his family wanted of him.)

While he wasn’t paying attention, he bumped into a large figure. He automatically flinched away from his brother in surprise.

“Leo? You okay, bud?” Raph asked worriedly, always the mother hen. “You don’t look so good.”

Hmm. Leo noted in his head that his eye bags were probably still there. Whatever, business as usual.

“Of course, Raph!” Leo exclaimed. “What, can’t you tell by my stunning good looks?”

“Did you get enough sleep last-“

“Oh hey Leo!” Mikey blessedly cut Raph off. He ran over, somehow both energetic and graceful (unlike hi- no, Leo, pay attention). “You want to try the first blueberry pancake? I even put some powdered sugar on top!”

“Uh, duh!” Leo flashed him a saccharine smile to really sell it. Even if he couldn’t tell if he needed to eat, it was still important to. He definitely wouldn’t want to pass out in front of his bros.

(It was pure luck that they haven’t walked in on him like that in the dojo yet.)

As Leo sat down, he locked eyes with Donnie. Donnie was on his phone and spared him a glance, but his twin was more focused on finishing this meal quickly and getting started on his training regimen. 

Mikey put the plate in front of him happily, though there seemed to be an air of weariness in his demeanor. His hands must be bugging him today, since Leo can see them shaking through the compression gloves.

“Hey Leo,” Raph started nervously as he pulled up a chair beside him. “Would you want to…join us for a movie marathon today? We can even start with your favorite Jupiter Jim movie.”

“Scoff,” Donnie grumped, annoyed. “Jupiter Jim Sails the Seven Galaxies? Oh please. Why would we watch that one when we all know that Pluto Vacation 4 is the best JJ film there is? Besides, Seven galaxies severely lacks Atomic Lass screen time.”

Raph kicked at him under the table. “As I was saying before a certain middle child decided to do middle-child-y things, you can have first pick! What’ya think?” 

His smile looked like plastic to Leo as he questioned his older brother’s motive. Isn’t he supposed to be training? Repenting for his mistakes? Have they all just forgotten about what happened during the invasion? 

“Nah, I’m going to pass big guy,” he replied smoothly. “Thanks for the offer, but I have some working out I need to catch up on. You know how it is.” Oddly, Raph’s grin seems to dim at that. 

“Hm. If you’re not in the mood for films, I suppose I would be amicable to you joining me in my lab later. If you want to, that is.”

Leo’s nonexistent eyebrows would have raised if he said so any other day. “Sorry, I’ve got a lot to do today.”

Donnie usually tried to be more subtle about acting like he wanted to hang out with Leo. He assumed it was because Don was keeping up appearances, or maybe he wanted to use him as a lab rat. Leo deserved it anyway, so he wouldn’t be opposed. 

Luckily, he didn’t even have to pretend not to care because of the blessing that was that magic powder.

Before anyone else could give him puppy dog eyes, he shoved some of the pancakes in his mouth. They tasted heavenly, but he knew he shouldn’t eat so much so that the others can have more. The red-eared slider was glad that his brother only gave him a small portion—less pressure that way.

One thing he learned quickly is that it’s hard to chew when you can’t even feel anything in your mouth. He probably ended up biting his tongue, but he could always deal with that later.

Soon, Splinter even joined them this morning instead of sleeping in. Everybody else continued chatting cheerfully without his input, if not a bit dejectedly.

(Why were they disappointed? What did he mess up this time?)

Leo should be grateful, but all he felt was vast emptiness. It was like he wasn’t there, just a passive observer. He supposed it wasn’t unlike how it normally was, with him leaving his family to heal without his bothersome presence. Still, he felt invisible. Nonexistent. Forgotten. 

(Like he should have been, left to rot in cold, desolate space.)

“Thank you for the meal, Miguelito,” he said, pointing finger guns at him. He waved farewell to everyone and quickly went off to the dojo, the faint taste of metal still lingering in his mouth.

Chapter Text

His fists pounded against the punching bag over and over again, turned grey and purple from overuse underneath white wraps.

Exercise was typically an escape from his thoughts. Even before the invasion, he’d run to the dojo to cloud his mind with pain. Don’t think about the argument with Raph. Just keep hitting. Keep going. Be stronger. Be better. Be more like him. Be less like you.

Since the pain couldn’t be registered by his brain, he chose to let his mind consume him. No one could say he isn’t learning from his mistakes. He’s listening to his team! Reliving what they’ve said over and over and over again counts. 

They play like a record in his head as he punches the bag.

“Leo, sacrifice yourself to buy us time.” Hit.

“Oh, why did I ever trust you? My other sons would have taken this more seriously.” Hit.

“Oh, is this one of those moments where I’m supposed to trust you?” Hit.

“Dang it, Leo. Everything's not about you. When are you gonna grow up and start acting like a hero?” Hit.

“What's it gonna take for you to be serious, Leo?” Hit.

“Leo, for once, listen to me.” Hit.

“This is not about you.” Hit.

“You're impulsive-“ Hit. 

“-you're arrogant-“ Hit. 

“-and you don't see that every decision you make could cost someone their life!” Hit. 

“All we got is this guy!” Hit.

“Worthless pest.” H-

He heard his knuckles crack before he felt it. Actually, wait, he couldn’t feel it. Never mind.

Leo looked down at his red, bloodied hands. Some of his scales had flaked off when they scraped against the red sack. Dark dried blood mixed with the still bright and oozing liquid coming from the new wounds. 

“…Shoot.”

He silently and casually strolled out of the dojo and headed towards the medbay, going slowly to avoid arousing suspicion. If he booked it, he would be found out in an instant. 

His thoughts repeated in his head like a mantra. ‘If I’m quiet, they won’t find out. If I’m quiet, they won’t yell at me. If I’m quiet, they won’t find out how much of a screwup I am.’

When he walked in, he was shocked to find none other than Casey Jones Jr cleaning up the medbay. CJ startled at the creak of the door, nearly dropping the bottle of pills in his hand. Leo hid his injury behind his back and smiled warmly at the kid. 

“Oh hey Sen- Leo!” CJ set the container in the cabinet and turned his body to face him.

“Heya Case,” Leo replied, cool as a cucumber. “What’re you up to? Causing chaos and mayhem everywhere you go, I hope.” 

Even if Leo has to always be on guard, he hopes Casey someday is able to be carefree. Growing up in an apocalyptic wasteland really takes the silliness out of growing up. He wanted to make sure CJ was able to enjoy his life in the—past? Better future? Good timeline? Whatever—to the best of his ability, since Casey didn’t get to have a normal childhood. 

(Unlike Leo, who turned out to be a selfish idiot and almost doomed the entire world because of his careless actions despite having it so much better.)

CJ rolled his eyes and chuckled. “I gave Michelangelo a checkup earlier, so now I’m just tidying up the medbay.”

‘Makes sense,’ Leo thought. ‘The kid always tries to keep himself busy and be useful.’

“You know you don’t have to do that, right?” Leo asked lightly. “I’m the medic around here, so you don’t need to worry your messy-haired head about it, okay?” 

Casey froze, all the color draining from his face. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. 

From months of dealing with his own, Leo knew what someone having a flashback or being triggered looked like. He took a mental note of it and swore to remind himself of his mistake next time he goes to the dojo. 

(“For what? Honor? Redemption? Sacrifice…?)

CJ looked down at his feet. “Sorry,” he whispered solemnly. “That’s…Sensei had said that to me a lot, so it reminded me of him.”

“That’s okay! I get it.” After all, way too many things made him think of Kraang Prime and the good ol’ PD. “Can’t forget a face this gorgeous.”

Casey giggled, but his face morphed into one of concern. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been overworking yourself training lately, and I know Sensei would always-“

“I’m not Master Leonardo, and I never will be.” Oops, that came out a bit harsher than he intended. “I know I’m awesome, but I’m probably not going to become the leader of a Resistance anytime soon.”

The human looked off to the side, embarrassed. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

“But hey, even if I’m not your badass dad from the apocalypse, we can always hang out? Or talk, whatever you prefer. Ooo, maybe we should go out and find something you haven’t tried! Ever had Mexican food?”

His eyes lit up. “Really?!” Yeesh, did he have to sound so surprised? “Uhm, I mean, that would be great! Maybe this weekend?”

“Sure! Feel free to invite April too; I know she won’t want to miss the chance to take a thousand photos.”

“All right, see you then!” CJ walked out excitedly, completely forgetting about his worry over him. Good. 

As soon as the door shut, he got to work fixing up his hand. It seemed luck was on his side since it was probably only a superficial laceration. Nothing fractured, nothing broken. Besides bandaging and keeping an eye on it, he didn’t need to worry.

While he wrapped his hand, it became obvious that it would be hard to judge the tightness without sensing it. 

Well, if something bad happened, at least it would be warranted. If he has to rely on magic to actually be helpful, then he deserves to suffer the side effects.

Maybe he could make it bruise. He hoped it would. 

He missed the sting on his palms. The pain was his penance, his crutch. His doom, yet his desire. It all felt so far away now. He wasn’t happy or sad, hot or cold. All he could be was the fool he’d always been.

The numbness seeped into his bones. It begged him to lay down and die. The urge to hide had vanished. Maybe he’d finally accepted his fate.

Had he ever felt warmth? The sunlight glistening on his forehead on a cool autumn day, a perfect afternoon spent with his family? Or had he made it all up in his head?

He was floating away untethered. If someone told him he was dead right now, he would believe them.

He put a finger up to his neck, feeling for a pulse. 

Nothing. 

Probably hit his head too hard on all of the space debris. He knew he couldn’t have survived that hit; being struck over and over, metal claws digging into his plastron.

He knew his body would wither. It would rot.

No one would care.

Why would they have ever wanted to save him? He wasn’t even worth saving. 

It was dark, still as death. 

…

Was he hyperventilating? He couldn’t tell.

No, he couldn’t be. He’s dead. Dead people can’t breathe.

It was like he was underwater, with ripples of something coming from the surface. 

“…e..o?”

No one else was there. They couldn’t be. He was trapped in this hell alone. His punishment.

“…an..yo…hear me?”

This wasn’t real.

“…okay? Should I…Mikey? I don’t…”

Right?

“Leo?”

Chapter Text

His head shot up at the sound of his name. The one he thought he would never hear again. The one he didn’t deserve.

(“You wretched little pest-“)

His older brother’s eyes softened as he let out a small sigh of relief. “You back with me, Lee?”

Not really, since it felt like his brain was both staticky and foggy at the same time. Leo nodded, still confused as to where he was but not wanting to show it. “All good, big guy. Don’t worry about me.”

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, as his eldest brother’s expression instantly darkened. “‘Don’t worry?’ You were just having a panic attack!”

Oh. Oh no. He’d messed up big time. How could he be so idiotic? He’s shown how weak he is to his brother, how annoying and fragile-

Raph crossed his arms over his chest and huffed indignantly. “Of course Raph’s gonna worry about you. I’m the big brother, the brother who is the biggest.”

The words would have left Leo breathless yesterday afternoon. Maybe he would have tried to ride on the high of praise for about five seconds, before realizing that he probably didn’t mean it.

(Pathetic.)

Without his stupid emotions, he could think about it logically. Raph has to care about all of his little brothers, at least to be socially acceptable. He’s probably just doing this for show. Makes sense.

(Still, a small voice in the back of his mind had hope that it was genuine. That his brother really loved him. He made sure to push it farther away, to not set up unrealistic expectations just for them to be broken. Just as they had time and time again.)

Suddenly, Raph poked him on the forehead. “Guess I’m not the only one with a chasm anymore, little brother.” He chuckled half-heartedly. “Come on, tell me what’s going on in that big head of yours.”

“The only one with a big head in this house is Donnie,” Leo deflected.

The smile fell off Raph’s face. “Lee-oooo.”

Shoot. Raph wasn’t going to let this go. He’d normally try and annoy Raph until he stormed off and forgot about his concern, but something about his elder brother’s tone made him doubt it’d work. 

At least Leo knew the best way to deal with a prying brother: throw them a bone to get them off the trail.

“Sorry, I’m just…” Leo ’hesitated’. “I think being cooped up in the lair has been making me go just a wee bit stir crazy.” Which was true, and that’s (one of the reasons) why he had started going out on patrol on his own. 

“Aw, Lee,” Raph replied ‘empathetically.’ When did Raph become so good at faking it? “Hmm. Tell you what—how’s about we go on patrol tonight? Raph can go gather the troops, and we can head out around sunset. What do you think?”

Not the best outcome, since his brothers could get hurt, but it would sound worse if he turned his brother down. “Sounds great! Lemme know whenever you’re ready, big guy.” 

“Oh wait, Leo-”

Before Raph could finish, he hopped up from the cold medbay floor and speedily took his leave.

Leo faced the ground, watching for each time his feet hit the floor. He listened for each tap, making sure he was walking properly. Avoiding tripping and making a fool of himself in front of his family was the only thing on his mind.

Raph seemed to suspect something, but at least everyone else was oblivious. They’d obviously be disappointed if they found out the extreme measures Leo had to resort to in order to be good enough. He was cheating. Nobody else had to do this. 

(Because he’s the weak link. They have the strength, the smarts, the arts. He’s just the face man, a made-up role for a useless member of an already capable team.)

While he was distracted (again), someone else came into view. His purple-masked twin glanced up at him and immediately walked over.

“Uhm, hello there Leon,” Donnie said in the least casual way possible. “How are you doing today? Any issues I can help with?”

Leo raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him. “Is this about those vitals chips that you installed a couple nights ago while we were asleep?”

Donnie looked away anxiously. “Of course…not. I would never embed subcutaneous-trackers-slash-health-monitors in my brothers while they were unconscious, he said sincerely. That would be…unethical?” He minutely pumped his fist. “Yes, nailed it.”

Leo leveled a look at him.

Donnie cracked in an instant. “Okay, okay, fine! I did. But fret not, brother! I checked with our dearest Raphie beforehand, and he gave me the okay—provided it be limited to only notifying me when at least one of our vitals were showing odd values.” He fidgeted with his purple satin jacket sleeve. “…And if gave him access to it.”

“And what might those vitals be? Just wondering, since it might be helpful for me to use in the medbay.” Again, that was still partly true. 

“Oh, just temperature, heart rate, and oxygen-blood content. For quote-unquote ‘privacy’s sake’, I’ve set it to only notify me when they’re at dangerous levels, as per Raphael’s request.” 

“That’s pretty cool!” Leo replied, trying to shove as much praise into his voice as possible. It was genuinely interesting, even if he couldn’t feel his own curiosity. “Although I would have preferred you told us beforehand, I’ll let it slide as long as you give me access to it.” 

Honestly, Leo wouldn’t have forgiven him so easily before the curse. He would have stewed in his rage and made his brother feel needlessly guilty about wanting to care for them all. Plus, since they saved him from the Prison Dimension so he could make up for what he’d done, it makes sense that they’d want to keep a close eye on him. 

Leo had already broken everyone else’s trust and nearly gotten them all killed. He didn’t deserve the privacy, even if it was more useful to him in the long run.

“Annoyed sigh. Fine,” Donnie huffed. “I suppose I should give Angelo the app as well, because he’d be furious if he discovered he was the only one without it.”

Just then, Leo remembered a key detail that he hadn’t thought to question earlier. “If it only notifies you when they’re at dangerous levels, why did you get a notification from my chip?”

His twin looked at him in confusion. “Your heart rate was unusually high and your oxygen was concerningly low. I rightly assumed it was a panic attack, and so I made sure our dear Raphala checked on you.”

Leo snorted, reading between the lines. “What, am I too touchy-feely for you?”

Donnie shuddered. “Bleugh, feelings.”

“Okay, nerd. You better run before I infect you with my evil emotions. OoOooO!”

He would’ve laughed at his own joke internally if he, y’know, be amused.

“Yeah, no; I am quite content without having to deal with them, thank you very much.” Donnie turned around in a flash and headed towards his lab. 

While he walked away to go to his own room, Leo sighed internally. He didn’t have to deal with so many ‘emotional-ish’ conversations most of the time. What changed?

‘Well me, duh,’ he jokingly thought. ‘But they haven’t figured it out yet. Maybe my performance needs some work.’

An idea struck him. He could take notes to avoid making mistakes—like the ones from today—in the future. No, not just notes. He’d already been doing that. Something bigger. A self-improvement plan, if you will. 

He slid open the curtain to his train compartment- room, pulled it back behind him, and hopped up onto his bed.

Leo grabbed his phone off of the night stand beside him, pulling up the notes app (Donnie’s version of it, of course). 

‘stuff to remeber/work oon’ (a normal-enough sounding title in case anyone—cough cough Donnie—stumbled upon it)

‘-you cn’t feel pain so be carefol not to brake ur arm or smth lol

-dont forget to smile n act chilll n cool n stuff

-do fcking better at being a leeder and brother, get ur shit togethr

-don’t hav a panic attack in front of ppll again

-stop expecting ur bros to care about u u dont deserve it

-dont get tooo hurt on solo patrol because Donnie and raph can track u now lol

-maybe find a way to get rid of tracker or convince them of the privecy issues

-be gratefol

-be better’

While he was typing, a notification popped up at the top of his screen.

‘Raph-a-doodle: ypu guys ready foe patrol?’

Well. Whether he’s ready for it or not, the show must go on.

Chapter Text

Leo heard the breeze rush past his nonexistent ears. The bright city lights glittered through hundreds of windows on the buildings ahead. Purple tipped with pink filled the sky as the last remnants of daylight drifted below the city.

“Omigosh, we get to head outside!!!” Mikey cheered. “Finally, we can touch grass.”

Leo looked over to see Mikey doing a little happy dance. Cute.

Donnie rolled his eyes fondly, tapping on his wrist-tech-thing. “If by grass you mean cold rooftops, then yes.”

“Now remember guys,” Raph said seriously. “We’ve gotta take it easy tonight. We’re still healing after all.”

(Because of Leo, but that was left unsaid.)

“Ughhhhh,” Leo whined. “Look at us, big man! We’ve already done the time, so let’s stop some crime!” Mikey beamed at him as he chuckled at the joke. It wasn’t even good, 0/10. Pity laugh for sure.

Raph sighed, but—thank Pizza Supreme—Donnie interrupted him before the eldest could start a lecture. “Actually, we may end up seeing some tonight. Although criminal activity has decreased since the K- you know what, crime rates seem to be approaching their previous average.”

“Come on, Donnie, speak to us in English,” Leo teased. 

Donatello’s eye twitched. “I am speaking English, you neanderthal-“ 

“Hey, what’s that over there?” Mikey pointed over to an alleyway. The others fell silent, suddenly picking up on the shouting from that direction.

“Alright Mad Dogs,” Leo commanded as lightheartedly as possible. He hoped his solemn demeanor wasn’t seeping through. “Let’s go!”

They quietly but quickly hopped across a few rooftops to see the commotion. In the alleyway below them, three foot soldiers were conversing—albeit far too loudly for whatever crime was being committed.

“Why are we stealing groceries when we could be out doing so much more?“ one of them asked, annoyed. “I mean, just a few months ago we were hunting down magical relics to free masters of destruction and chaos!”

“This sucks,” another groaned. “I mean, the dark witch coven or whatever is cool enough, but do we really have to get them food? Shouldn’t we be doing, I dunno, evil rituals or something?”

“C’mon,” the third replied with a trashy Brooklyn accent. “We give ‘em what they want and we get the magic mojo. Ain’t that good enough for you, wise guy?”

“Oh my fucking god, Jared. Stop with the mafia voice.”

“What??” ‘Jared’ replied, offended. “Ev’a heard’a mindin’ yah own business, Paula?”

They let out a high-pitched, angry growl. “It’s Patricia, you buffoon. I am not listening to you pretend you’re an Italian mob boss for another fucking hour, okay?”

Mikey was struggling to hold back his giggles beside Leo. Even Raph and Donnie looked amused at the odd scene.

“Yeesh, somebody take that guy out back before that accent causes a scene,” Leo called out, jumping down from the roof. The others dropped down next to him. “A crime scene, that is.

Patricia huffed. “Finally, someone who gets it.”

Jared jumped back. “Ey, watch where ya going, ya turtle freak!”

“Jared!” the other one cried out. “That’s turtle racist!”

“Oh,” Jared replied awkwardly, dropping the accent for a moment. “My bad. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Raph responded nicely. “Happens to the best of us.”

Mikey glared at them. “Uh, bro, that was species-ist! Or wait, would it be called mutant-ist? …Either way, totally uncalled for!”

“Yeah!” Leo chimed in, out of habit. “How dare you insult my dashing good looks!”

(Not that he was that pretty anymore. Scars from the incident were littered all over his body. For someone who once prided himself on his beauty, he had really fallen from grace.)

“Sigh. Not that I don’t find this exchange comical, but can we skip to the flashy fighting sequence?” Donnie inquired impatiently. “I’ve been waiting two months for this.”

“Agreed,” Leo said. “It’s time for you to pay-per your crimes!”

“Ugh, kill me now,” Patricia groaned, rubbing her forehead roughly. She grabbed paper squares from her pockets, prepared to fight, before pausing. “…Wait. Do any of us know how to do the origami thing?”

“I thought Jenny did.”

“I thought you did!”

“I knew I should’ve gone to those fucking weekend classes.” Patricia sighed. “At least we brought knives.” 

She pulled one out and immediately swiped at Mikey. He narrowly dodged, dancing around Raph as he swung at Jared. 

Donnie pulled out his techbo and knocked one of them off of their feet. “Raph-a-la, am I allowed to go semi-lethal? Pretty please?” 

Raph lightly smacked a foot goon into the wall and then glanced over at him irritatedly. “Nope.”

The purple-clad twin moaned as he hit another in the stomach. “You never let me shine!”

While they bantered, Leo was struggling to keep the one he was fighting, Jared, from stabbing him. Despite all of his training, the spell was throwing him off his game. Also, he really didn’t want to kill this guy, even if he did have a terrible faux accent. 

“Ey, are ya trying ta fight or are ya tryin’ ta tango?” Jared mocked, his knife barely missing Leo’s arm. “Cuz currently, you ain’t doing great at neither, kid!”

“Are you trying to act tough? Because you sound like an 80s movie mobster!” Leo quipped back—at the expense of one of his favorite eras of cinema, but he’d do anything for the bit—hoping to make one of his brothers laugh. 

(If he couldn’t do that, what was he even good for?)

None of the others noticed his joke.

Jared took a step back and gasped dramatically, once again forgetting to do the accent. “Don’t you dare insult my dad’s performance in Pizza Pie: Ride or Die!!’”

Leo swung his sword, preparing to make a portal underneath him. While Jared was distracted, Mikey rushed over. The youngest wrapped him in chains, and threw him onto the pile where the other foot recruits had been left. Leo could practically see the stars dancing over the unconscious thieves’ heads.

“Good job, Mikes!” Leo cheered, offering his hand up for a high-three. “Way to show the mobster wannabe. I definitely wouldn’t trust him to make my pizza, am I right?”

He would’ve been offended that his little brother intruded on his battle, but it was probably good that he did. Leo displayed that he wasn’t capable enough to handle a single human in 1-v-1 combat, so of course one of his brothers cleaned up his mess for him. 

(Stupid, weak Leo. Do better. Be better.)

“Thanks Lee!” Mikey exclaimed happily. He turned over to face him, the biggest grin stretching across his face and-

The color drained from his expression.

“Leo, what happened to your arm?!” Mikey shouted, drawing the attention of the others. 

He looked down at his arm and, for the second time today, saw a wound he didn’t even notice he’d received. Blood gushed from the gash that spanned nearly the entirety of his left forearm. 

Eugh boy. Guess he hadn’t dodged that hit after all.

Chapter Text

“Oops, haha,” Leo said awkwardly. “My bad. Guess I wasn’t as fast and fearless as usual, huh?” Mikey continued to gape at him.

“Leo?!” Raph ran over, his footsteps making the pebbles on the ground shake. “What happ-”

Raph paused when he saw the deep cut on Leo’s arm. His brow furrowed.

“Relax, big guy!” Leo said, trying to calm them down. “It’s not like we haven’t gotten worse boo-boos, right? I mean, remember that time we fought Meat Sweats and I got absolutely pounded by his hammer?”

“Even though that may be accurate,” Donnie chimed in as he came back from returning the groceries and tying up the foot soldiers for the cops to deal with. “We’re still not fully recovered from the invasion.” Leo flinched, but Donnie didn’t notice. “Come on, let’s head back to the lair and patch you up.”

“What?? Donnie, I can fix up myself. It’s just a scratch.”

“Just a-“ Donnie cut himself off, fuming. “What if you need stitches?!”

“Then I can handle it,” Leo blurted out without thinking. “I’m the medic after all.”

“Overruled,” Raph responded harshly.

(Did they doubt him? Did they seriously not believe he could do the one thing he was good at?)

“But-”

“Come on, open up a portal so we can head home,” Donnie demanded. 

Leo sighed, but followed orders anyway. He couldn’t disappoint them further.

He drew a circle with his sword, watching as a glowing blue portal filled the space in front of him. For just a moment, it stuttered like a glitching graphic on an old website. He couldn’t feel the fire of his ninpo burning in his chest. 

His brothers stepped forward, Leo following behind awkwardly. He felt out of place, like he wasn’t meant to be here. (Like he was bringing them down.)

“Over here,” his twin said needlessly, dragging him over to Leo’s medbay. Leo let himself be brought over like a doll, meant to be manipulated by another’s hands. A puppet. (Cold. No gravity.)

“Go sit on the cot, I’ll go grab the supplies.” Leo did as he was told. He let his mind drift towards the excuses he could give, crafting an alibi in mere seconds. “Now, be honest with me: does your arm need stitches?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “Guess they ori-got-mi good, huh?” His twin gave him a flat look, clearly not interested in his jokes. That’s fine, Leo was good at deflecting.

Donnie walked over to the bed, shivering at the texture of the sheets. “All right, I’m going to grab the suture and-”

“We need to clean it out with soap and water first,” Leo corrected. Even though Don hated being interrupted, he somehow managed to hide his frustration this time. He simply nodded and waited for Leo to get up and head to the sink.

Leo washed the wound in silence while Donnie made no move to dispel the tension in the air. As soon as he finished, they returned to where they were previously to continue treating it.

He tensed before Donnie poured the chlorhexidine before remembering he wouldn’t be able to feel the sting. As Donnie disinfected, Leo put all of his energy into pretending he was in pain. He couldn’t be too dramatic with it since he’d try to hide it normally, so he mainly sucked air through his teeth and stiffened at the proper moments.

“So…” Donnie started hesitantly. “Were you ever going to tell us that you got hurt? Or were you going to just ‘handle it’ yourself?” 

“Honestly, I didn’t even notice it at first.” Which, again, was true, just for different reasons. Still, that sounded very concerning without a bit of extra fluff. “I was hopped up on adrenaline and distracted by the fight. I wasn’t trying to hide it, I swear.”  

Although his twin struggled with reading others, he sometimes was able to read Leo like a book—pun intended.

Donnie stared at Leo for a good ten seconds, eyebrows furrowed with suspicion. Eventually, he seemed placated enough, even if not fully convinced. “Fine. If you were trying to hide it, you would have done a marginally better job.”

Leo grinned wider at his brother, trying to mimic his usual behavior. 

(He was always putting on a show, always hiding behind a facade. This one was just a bit more complicated than he’s used to.)

Donnie dramatically pointed at Leo. “That doesn’t mean you’re off the hook, however.”

“Aw, hermano. It was an accident! Can you really blame me? Your poor, innocent, injured brother?” He gave Don the best puppy eyes he could muster, but his twin simply rolled his own.

“The injury was an accident, but trying to treat it yourself was not.” 

Donnie turned around, grabbing sutures and a needle. Leo watched his careful movements, analyzing him for any sign of what he was really feeling. 

“I just want you to tell one of us when you’re hurt, okay?” Donnie’s eyes flickered with an emotion he couldn’t quite name. Guilt? Sadness? Disappointment? 

In an instant, it clicked in Leo’s head. ‘Of course, why didn’t I think of it sooner? They want to know when I mess up to keep track and lecture me on it. After all, they can’t measure my worth if they aren’t aware of the mistakes I’ve made.’

“You got it, hermano,” Leo answered smoothly. He looked at Donnie’s hands and watched as they clenched at his response. He must be disappointed in him, then.

The rest of their little ‘checkup’ went by in a blur. Leo gave the appropriate reactions—grunts of pain and freezing up, simply pretending as if he could feel the sharp metal digging harshly into his skin. They sat there in silence, the kind that made him overthink and turn over everything that had happened in his head.

“You’re good to go, ‘Nardo,” Donnie said neutrally. (Donnie wasn’t happy about it. Why would he be?)

“Thanks, Dee!” He stood up and left the room at a normal pace. Not too quickly to arouse confusion, but not too slowly as to give away his desire to leave ASAP. 

He left the medbay for the second time today. The halls seemed taller than usual, looming over him. A typically lively home left desolate, vacant, silent. His steps were nearly inaudible, but they echoed in his ears. 

He had to be quiet, or else he would find him.

Finally, after mere seconds and yet an eternity, he made it back to his room. He was probably supposed to try and go to bed now, right? 

Sleep had always been his enemy, frenemy at best. It was a constant struggle combatting his insomnia and the fast-flowing stream of thoughts in his head. When he failed, the tiredness would cling to his skull and weigh down his limbs. 

But he couldn’t feel its effects anymore. He would be fine no matter what, with this spell that was cast on him. He was free from exhaustion’s shackles, something he’d celebrate if he could. 

He didn’t bother putting on pajamas, instead laying down and facing his wall. It felt like he was floating above his body, just slightly misplaced, the world becoming a bit muffled and blurred. 

The old, colorful posters on the wall drifted away. His fairy lights brightly glowed, yet they too dimmed. He couldn’t see the blanket draped over him, couldn’t feel its softness caressing his skin. The noise from the streets above fell quiet as well.

His eyes closed in the end, after who knows how long. Time didn’t have any meaning here, anyway. It was just the same thing day in and day out, over and over again, until the monotony doused the flame in his heart permanently. 

Rocks and debris were probably floating just above him, narrowly missing his skull. He could almost feel how cold it was, invariably frigid—could almost see the red light that would inevitably loom over him.

If he couldn’t hide, at least he could find solace in his head. Even if his brain screamed at him crueler truths than Prime ever could.

Chapter Text

Leo was startled by the sound of his little brother calling him from the kitchen. He could smell the greasy bacon wafting through the lair.

He wasn’t sure if he slept at all last night. If he had, it was certainly dreamless, but at least he got to skip out on another nightmare with Prime. 

When he stumbled out of bed, a wave of dizziness washed over him. His stomach rumbled quietly. ‘When was the last time I ate…?’

He remembered skipping lunch yesterday because he was too busy training, and he hid in his room during dinner and pretended he had grabbed a snack earlier. So…breakfast, then.

Though he should have felt dread or concern at the revelation, he was actually proud of himself (or, y’know, would be if he could feel it). He wasn’t being a pig for once, not gorging himself on pizza and rich meals made by his precious little brother. Certainly not taking away what the others needed more than him anymore.

He picked up his phone and looked at the date. ‘Is it really only Tuesday? It’s only been a day?’ To him, it had felt like so much longer. 

Whatever, he’ll get used to this eventually. For his brothers.

He turned toward the mirror, checking to see how deep his eye bags were. Deep purple marks stained his stripes, telling the whole world just how many sleepless nights he’d suffered through.

Although Leo considered getting makeup to cover them up, he was concerned that it would rub off onto his mask. It would show how he was still hiding things from them, ruining any trust he had somehow managed to scrounge from his brothers. 

(Even though he knew deep down that they would never trust him. They never had. He was the joke, the stupid twin, the arrogant leader. The problem child.)

Turning away from his reflection, he forced a smile onto his face. He couldn’t bring down his siblings’ moods, shouldn’t dull their light. 

He would never be good enough, but at least he could strive to be less of a burden.

With that in mind, he faced the door and prepared to survive the day. 

Leo ran through the katas over and over again. Each pose had to be flawless, and he did it once more after every mistake he made. He couldn’t mess up. He couldn’t fail.

As he was going through the motions, he heard the door to the dojo creak open. He paused, looking over to see Raph poking his head in.

“Hey buddy; room for one more?” His older brother asked softly, almost cautiously. (Did he really think Leo was that much of a loose cannon? That he had to be afraid of him flying off the handle?)

“Sure, big guy,” he responded casually. It had been a while since he had trained with one of his brothers. “You gonna hit the weights or somethin’?” 

“Nah, I think I need to practice my- what are they called again? Oh right, katas. Haven’t done those in a while.” The red-clad turtle walked over and stood beside Leo. 

“Oh, do you need some space? I can get out of your way if you-“

“No-no-no!” Raph answered quickly. Too quickly. For whatever reason, he was definitely nervous. “Raph’ll just follow along with whatever you’re doing. Since you’ve been spending so much time in here, I’m sure you’re the expert on this kinda stuff.”

Didn’t he already know the reason why he was in here so often? Everyone else was already amazing at combat, it was Leo who needed to catch up.

…Ohhhhh, it was sarcasm. Duh. His brother’s normal tone was probably just from inexperience. Raph was the one who used sarcasm the least.

“Yeah, I guess you could say I’m kata-gorically the best,” Leo boasted. They both knew that was a lie, but it was a part of his brand. Raph huffed out a breath, something between a laugh and a sigh. 

They fell into comfortable silence. Leo glanced over a couple times to see Raph watching him intently, just as Leo had years ago. Back when they were younger, he would watch his older brother starry-eyed and eager as he trained. 

He had hoped to be as good as him someday, but that was an unrealistic goal.

Raph was the pillar that everyone in the family depended on. He took care of them no matter what. When one of them had a runny nose and a too-hot forehead, Raph settled down next to their bed and hung out with them for the whole day. If someone had a nightmare, they always went to him to chase their fears away.

Leo could never compare to him.

All Leo could do was annoy everyone around him. When one of his siblings was feeling down, he would tell bad jokes and come up with garbage puns that would only make them groan and roll their eyes. If someone was mad at him (rightfully so), all he could do was deflect and further their frustration. 

Raph was everything. Leo was nothing.

He hadn’t noticed how long it had been until Raph heaved out a sigh and flopped down on the mat.

“Man, we’ve been at this for ages,” Raph drawled. “Dang Leo, you must have pretty good stamina to do all that without even taking a break.”

Leo wished he could feel his heart warm at the compliment, the elation he would’ve felt at Raph genuinely enjoying his company for once. “Thanks, though you didn’t do bad yourself.”

“Hah.” Raph breathed slowly and carefully, like how he would while meditating. “C’mon, lay down with Raph. I’m sure you can spare a second to rest.”

“I’m fine,” Leo said calmly. 

“I know, I know,” Raph answered defensively. “But just because you can keep going doesn’t mean you have to. Besides, Raph can see you sweating your butt off from here.”

He would’ve argued more, but he didn’t want to start a fight. Leo didn’t want to undo all the work he had done to be better for his bros by putting everyone on edge again. Instead, he rolled his eyes and sat down criss-cross next to Raph.

“There we go,” Raph smiled. “Now we can have Raph and Leo floor bonding time.”

“Floor bonding time?” Leo asked as incredulously as he could muster. “What, are we trying to bond with the floor or something? Wow, didn’t know this mat was so lonely.”

Raph laughed whole-heartedly. “It definitely isn’t with you working out in here 24/7.” The eldest’s grin became more melancholy.

Leo wasn’t really sure how to respond, so he waited for Raph to say something for him. (He was always depending on his brother. When was he going to learn that it wasn’t about him? That Raph wouldn’t always be there to save him?)

“…You know you don’t have to, right?” Raph asked sadly. Before Leo could even attempt to dodge-deflect-distract—the better version of gaslight-gatekeep-girlboss—Raph barreled on. “You really don’t have to spend so much time training.”

And- what? Wasn’t Raph always the one campaigning for him to stop slacking off? To get his shit together? To actually try? He had learned, he had listened to him. Why was he upset? Was it…what did he do wrong?

“Yeah,” Leo said simply. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to react.

“Like,” Raph hesitated. “Raph knows you’re trying to prepare for whatever happens, but you’re allowed to do other things. You don’t have to be in the dojo all the time.”

Everything clicked in that moment. 

Yeah, he wasn’t supposed to just train all day. He needed to put that work to use and go on patrol more! Makes sense, since Leo was capable of handling some low-level goons on his own. Uh-doy, he needed to get off his ass and go do something productive.

“Hear ya loud and clear, bro.” He winked at Raph, smirking. “I’m about done for now anyway. What’dya say we go and get Donnie some more scrap metal or something? I know he’s been begging someone to go with him so he’d be allowed to go.”

“You don’t-” Raph cut himself off, the chasm between his brows increasing. “…If you want to, go ahead. Do whatever ya like, Lee.” His older brother attempted a smile that was obviously fake.

(That meant he was lying, despite his attempt to hide it. Obviously.)

“Yessir, worrywart sir,” Leo replied with a mock salute. Raph sputtered, though failed to come up with a retort before the second-oldest left the room.

(Leo made a mental note to add some ideas of what to help with around the lair to his list. He needed to be useful, if nothing else.)

(Maybe they wouldn’t abandon him if he was.)

Chapter Text

“Heya, Dontron,” Leo called out energetically. Donnie dropped his wrench in surprise (or fear?). “What’chu up to?”

“Nothing you would be interested in,” Donnie replied annoyedly, though seemed to reconsider his default response. “…Unless you’d like to hear about how reconstruction of the Donnie-pods is going?”

(His brother shoved him in the escape pod, in spite of his protests. Leo had to abandon him, leaving him alone with the Kraang. All his fault.)

“As long as you can dumb it down for me, mi hermano,” he shrugged. The old Leo would have refused, if only because he wanted to spare his own feelings. He wasn’t able to follow along with his incredibly intelligent brother, so Donnie’s ramblings always highlighted his own shortcomings. “Oh, but before you start: would you wanna go to the scrapyard?”

“Naturally, but we both know Raph won’t let me go without a buddy.” Donnie sighed wistfully, but then paused. “Wait, are you offering what I think you’re offering, are you?”

“Why do you think I asked?” Leo laughed. “I have nothing better to do, so I figured I might as well spend some time with my favorite twin!” And, as usual, this is the part where Dee denies them being twins because it scientifically-

“I’m your only twin, ‘Nardo,” Don huffed. He then immediately lit up as he realized the implications of what Leo said. “Yes-yes-yes!! Oh, I can finally obtain the supplies I so desperately need!” He flapped his hands excitedly. 

“Yep! Let me go grab my swords and we’ll be out in a jiffy.” His brother nodded, so he exited the lab and speed-walked towards his room.

On his way, he was reminded of an old memory. 

Back when Donnie had first set up his lab—which was pretty barebones at the time, since seven-year-old mutant turtles couldn’t exactly get supercomputers and such—he had started spending a majority of his time in there. Since he no longer had to worry about his brothers accidentally breaking his inventions or his dad getting concerned and possibly confiscating what he made, Donatello could now spend hours upon hours working on whatever he wanted.

Everyone felt his absence (besides Splinter), but no one more than Leo. Leo missed bugging his twin, learning new things with him, and just spending time together. To remedy this, he started going out of his way to visit the lab. Although it made Leo feel better, it certainly had the opposite effect on Donnie. 

Looking back, it’s reasonable why he became infuriated by Leo’s interruptions. After investing so much time into creating a quiet space of his own, it’s only fair that someone coming along and ruining that would be frustrated.

‘Hey, Dee-Dee! Guess what?’ Leo skipped in, hopping over to be next to his twin.

Donnie glared at him before going back to tinkering on his latest invention. ‘I’m busy, Leo. Can it wait until dinner?’

‘Awww, but that’s gonna take foreeeeever!’ He whined, putting his arm over the other’s shoulder. ‘Don’t you wanna hang out with your favorite twin?’ He gave Donnie the biggest, saddest puppy eyes ever.

‘Leave me alone, Leo,’ Donnie said curtly. ‘This project requires the utmost precision, so if you could let me focus-’

‘Ooo-ooo, what’s that?’ He asked excitedly, quickly sliding his arm off of Donnie to point at the object on the shelf beside him. 

However, because of his clumsiness, he bumped into Donnie’s nearly-finished creation, knocking it off of the table. Leo glanced down on the floor to see the metal device shattered into pieces, now more of a pile than an actual tool. 

Donnie sat there frozen in shock. His hand, which was still hovering over the desk, began tightly clenching the wrench. The purple-wearing soft shell began to tremble.

‘Omigosh Dee, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to, I swear to Pizza Supreme-’

‘Get. Out.’ The look Donnie gave him was murderous. Somehow, that didn’t stop Leo from making the situation worse.

‘I’m really sorry, I-I can help you fix it if you-’

‘Get out!!’ His brother screamed, shaking because of the intensity of his fury. ‘You’ll only make it worse, since you always mess everything up! Ugh, this is why I made the lab!! All I wanted is to stop you from bothering me and wrecking my stuff, but noooo! You just HAD to ruin the thing I spent hours on!!!’

Leo’s eyes welled up with tears as he spun around and ran out of the room. He heard Donnie stomp and let out an angry shout behind him. But he knew he couldn’t do anything to help.

(All his fault.)

He blinked back to reality as he nearly crashed into the lab door. Now with his swords sheathed on his sides, he knocked on the large metal contraption. Donnie opened the door instantly, having stood behind it impatiently.

“Off we go, hermano!” Leo exclaimed, taking out one of his katanas and spinning a portal into existence. Leo went in and, without any hesitation, Donnie followed suit. 

(Did Dee finally trust his portals? After making fun of them for so long?)

When they entered Repo’s scrapyard, Leo immediately noticed something strange. Various blankets, pillows, and humans were scattered around the area. There were even some children running around and playing together.

Leo pulled his brother—who had already begun obliviously inspecting the materials surrounding them—to the side, hiding behind a pile of metal.

“What was that for, you hooligan?!” Donnie questioned angrily. Although he spoke more softly to avoid Repo discovering them, it was still loud enough that it could draw attention from the civilians nearby.

Leo slapped a hand over his twin’s mouth and put a finger to his lips. “Shhh! Did you not see?” He whisper-yelled. “The area’s crawling with humans! We need to be careful.”

“What?” Donnie peeked out behind the mountain for a moment, eyebrows skyrocketing when he took in the scene. “Ah. Yes, that is quite the issue.”

Leo’s face scrunched up in thought. “It makes no sense. Why are there so many people here?” 

“I could ask you the same thing, turtles,” Repo said gruffly behind them. Donnie jumped back, bumping into junk behind them. It rattled and creaked, but luckily none of it fell onto them. Leo swiveled his head to face the mantis mutant, completely unfazed.

“Hey, Repo!” Leo waved, smirking. “I thought this was supposed to be a junkyard, not a manti-sion. What’s with all the guests?” He gasped dramatically. “Are you having a party? Without inviting us?”

“Why would I invite you muties when all ya do is steal my stuff?” Repo sighed. “If ya really gotta know…Ugh, all this is just for the business. Those weird pink menaces wrecked a lotta homes, and I can’t do any repo work if there’s nothing left to repo. So, I’m letting some folks stay here until they get back on their feet.”

(He let the Kraang destroy their homes. His actions ruined lives.)

Leo was suspicious, but Donnie beat him to questioning Repo further. “But why? Are you just going to use them for business, repossess anything they can get as soon as they have the means?”

“Nah,” Repo Mantis shrugged. “Listen, I may be a good businessman, but I ain’t heartless.”

“You tried to kill a bunch of mutant teenagers,” Leo interjected.

“Wait, you guys are kids?” Repo looked genuinely shocked by that information.

“You’ve called us that before too,” Donnie added.

“Damn, I thought…Forget it.” He dragged a hand down his face. “Whatever. Since ya saved the world from whatever those things were, I guess I won’t kill ya for trying to steal from me again.”

“Wow, how generous, he said sarcastically,” Donnie replied in his usual monotone.

“Well, we’ll have to be on our way then,” Leo told them. Donnie looked over at him, shocked, but Leo only nudged him in response. “Buuuuut we’ll definitely come back to bug you later.”

“Scram, kids.” 

Leo slashed open a portal and hopped into it, Donnie right behind. They reappeared behind a different pile in the junkyard. 

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” Leo winked at Donnie, who smiled back slightly manically in return. 

Then, they got to steali- work.

Chapter Text

Donnie dug through the mounds of metal, picking out pieces and tossing them into a pile by Leo.

“Soooo,” Leo drawled, tapping his foot on the dirt. He kicked up a cloud of dust, watching as it slowly dispersed. “What do you need all this stuff for, again?”

“Well, besides upgrading security and fixing some of our appliances that got broken two months ago, I also want to…” He hesitated. “…rebuild a couple things.” 

“What kinda things?” Leo inquired. 

He knew his twin hadn’t worked on anything for himself in a while, too focused on fixing the lair. After the invasion (shudder), Donnie became hyper-focused on preparing for whatever might happen in the future. Powering through on coffee and spite (worry) alone, he stayed up for days on end upgrading the security system, his weapons, and his gear. It took the combined force of all three brothers to finally get him to stop and convince him he was safe.

Donnie’s shoulders hunched. “I, uh, wanted to try making him again. Shelldon, that is.”

Leo thought back to the last time he’d attempted to do so. Weeks spent locked up in his lab, unsuccessful attempting to resurrect his son. The grief had nearly eaten Donnie alive.

He barreled on. “I just don’t know where to start. His body I can recreate, but his soul…The code is the same, but he isn’t. I can’t for the life of me figure out why.”

Leo tapped his chin in thought. It seemed odd how everything could be identical and yet not produce the same result. After all, if it had worked but Shelldon had lost his memory then it would make more sense. 

Yet, the robot hadn’t had the same spark when Dee tried recreating him the first time. In his anguish, he had dismantled the robot remake.

“Well, what’s different compared to the first time you built him?” Leo inquired. 

Donnie tossed another hunk of metal into the pile with more force than necessary. “The materials are basically the same!! Really, the only thing I can think of is how much time it took to create him the first time, but I can’t fathom how that would possibly be related.” He huffed in frustration.

Leo hummed in acknowledgment. Normal tech should behave consistently, unlike the mystics that Mikey had been learning about recently. 

Though Donnie had been the one most crushed by Shelldon’s passing, everyone had experienced some form of grief over him. Raph had helped Dee make a little grave and left stuffed animals next to it. Leo himself had constructed an awesome car-racing track that reminded them of when he snuck out to go drone racing. Mikey had held the funeral service, concluding that, though Sheldon was a robot, he still had a soul. 

Wait.

“What if it’s not something to do with your tech?” Leo pondered. “What if it has to do with our ninpo?”

Donnie looked over at him in confusion, halting his gathering. “Huh? How would that affect the situation at hand?”

“Mikey said that he had a soul. Although that could’ve been in the metaphorical sense, what if it wasn’t? I overheard Mikey telling Barry once that he could see mystic energy-”

“Wait, what?!” Donnie interrupted, shocked. “Why didn’t he tell me?! This opens up so many possibilities, how could he not- …Apologies, you may continue.”

“Anyway, if he was being literal, that would mean that Shelldon had some mystic energy. Our ninpo had partially awakened during that time, so it was kinda unstable. Maybe some of your power rubbed off on him after spending so long creating him?”

Donnie’s eyes widened. “If that’s the case, I could easily infuse some of my ninpo into him, possibly restoring his previous state. After all, our mystic energy is derived from familial bonds, and Shelldon should be included in that.”

Leo snapped, widening his smile for effect. “Exactly!”

His brother hopped up, standing up straight. He bounced up and down, kicking his legs up. “Yes, yes, it all makes sense now!”

Leo watched Donnie do a little happy dance, wishing he could relish in the same feeling of joy as him. His hollow heart was still beating despite its silence.

(This was his burden to bear.)

Donnie turned to face him again. He hesitated for a moment, before nodding his head decisively. “You know, for how much I call you a dumb-dumb, you can actually be pretty smart sometimes.”

If this had happened before the curse—hell, before the invasion—he would have been ecstatic. For all his showboating and teasing, he had really treasured compliments. They were a rarity for him, especially after they started fighting crime. He joked and boasted, becoming his own hype man.

He didn’t even need to wonder why they never praised him. Besides not deserving it, they thought he already had a big enough ego. 

“Nah, I’m not all that,” Leo waved him off. “Besides, you’re already the brainiac in the family. We definitely don’t need another Donnie.”

For years, Leo had kept a list of compliments he had received to look back on during his darkest moments. When his mind refused to leave him alone, he would try to focus on the nice things his brothers had said to him. They gave him a bit of spirit to fight back.

When their approval started to dwindle, he gave up. It only became a reminder of how much more tolerable he used to be, how he had fallen so far from grace.

Donnie’s face scrunched up. “Even if you’re not as intelligent as me, you’re still smart in your own right. You talk us out of conflicts, are more strategic than Big Mama, and can even beat me in chess.”

The sentiment rang hollow. All Leo could do was manipulate, as Donnie just proved. Why would he want that from him? 

“Yeah, I guess I am pretty awesome,” Leo winked. “Well, since I’m clearly the smartest brother-”

“Oh, you know that’s not what I meant-”

“I say we should head back before Raph starts to worry his butt off. I know you texted him before we left, but I can smell his worry stink from here.”

Donnie blinked, evidently not expecting him to say something so rational and mundane. The old Leo would have rubbed it in his face, maybe tried to make him his servant or challenged him to a competition.

(The old Leo died after the invasion.)

“Yes, I suppose that makes sense,” Donnie conceded. “I believe I have acquired everything I needed.”

Leo swung open a portal. “After you, princess.”

“That’s not even the correct gender-specific term for monarch-” Leo cut him off by shoving him into the glowing blue gateway. He kicked the pile of metal in as well without thinking, but was pleasantly ‘surprised’ by the lack of pain from the action. 

Before he could step in as well, he noticed the portal start to glitch. Its form shifted along the edges, different from the perfect ovals he was used to.

(The ones he had trained for weeks to figure out how to create. He still owed Hueso for the lessons he taught.)

Suddenly, it fizzled out of existence. Leo jumped back, narrowly avoiding his foot getting cut off. He whipped his sword around again, attempting to make another.

..it failed. He fumbled around with it a couple more times, to no avail.

Finally, on his fourth swing, a portal opened up. He went through before it could change its mind and popped out in his room. 

He laid down on his bed hastily, needing a moment to think. From his pocket, he felt his phone buzz and scrambled to pull it out.

‘DonTron: Where are you? Why are you still at the scrapyard?’

‘Neon Leon: srry, droped my sword. went to my roomm instead lol’

‘DonTron: All right. Be more careful next time, dumb-dumb’

Leo sighed, dragging a hand over his face. (He couldn’t feel it. He should stop acting like that’s out of the ordinary.

Why had Donnie been nice to him? Complimented him, even? When he occasionally received kind words, it was never from Donnie. Yet, for this rare gesture to be done by Donnie of all people?

There had to be another reason. People didn’t just compliment him for the sake of it.

(Not Big Mama, not Splinter, not even Mikey. There was always an ulterior motive.)

He stared numbly at the ceiling, lost in thought. This time, he came to the obvious answer quickly.

Conditioning. They wanted him to do better, so they praised him for doing something they wanted. Guess they took a page out of Leo’s book, huh? 

But that’s all right; he didn’t mind. It was just…a different form of training. Like how you’d train a pet. He didn’t deserve to be treated like anything more after what he did.

(He had experience being such. Kraang had told him he was such a good toy.)

All Leo had to do is figure out what they wanted from him. Find out who they needed and become that, no matter the cost. He could easily fill the role, mold himself to it if necessary.

He was a good puppet but, at his core, an even better actor. 

Chapter Text

Dinner time arrived quicker than he would have liked. Despite arriving home with Donnie around two in the afternoon, the hours slipped by too fast for him to keep up with. 

He felt like he was in between being awake and asleep, his brain commanding his body like a video game controller that needed to be calibrated. Like everything was made of plastic, too perfect and pretty to be real. 

(Overly saturated compared to the cold, empty hell that was his home for so long. A place where living was a fate worse than death.)

He was floating between two realms, existing and not. Had he really made it home? 

(Which one was his home, again?)

Someone called for him across the hall, signaling his cue to get on stage. Well, he certainly needed to get his act together, huh?

He blinked. Suddenly he was at the kitchen table. Looking around, he saw his brothers, father, and Casey happily chatting around him.

He moved his fork towards his plate, which took more effort than usual. Swimming through molasses. Poking the utensil into his noodles, he lazily twirled them around on the metal. 

They tasted bland in his mouth. Though, to be fair, they looked like they were made of rubber anyway. It made sense that they wouldn’t taste like much.

From the corner of his eye, he noticed CJ glance over at him. He tried to smile reassuringly, but he wasn’t sure how well he did. At least the boy looked away quickly.

He heard his voice speak through several layers of static. His body moved without him present.

He blinked. He was in the dojo. The punching bag in front of him shifted, moving in rhythm with his fists. Someone said something to him, but they became a shadow in the background.

He blinked. His head cleared more, leaving him less foggy. Turning to his right, he saw Casey Jones Junior hitting the bag next to him. 

Casey met his eyes, grinning shyly when he saw Leo looking back at him. “Hey Leonardo. Are you back with me?”

(Shoot, had they noticed he had drifted?)

Leo laughed awkwardly. “Come on, you know I would never leave you deprived of my presence.” 

CJ’s smile faded, letting the worry show plainly on his face. “Yeah.”

Although Leo could have left it at that, he knew how wrong it would be to ignore him while feeling so glum. “Hey, what’s wrong? You might get a chasm bigger than Raph’s at this rate.”

The human giggled, the concern disappearing for just a short moment. His happiness didn’t last long. “You- future you got like that sometimes too. Not often, since he couldn’t afford to be out of it when lives were on the line, but still.”

“Sorry kid,” Leo replied apologetically, sitting down on the mat and patting the space next to him. CJ joined him. “Guess I’ve been a bit distracted today. Didn’t mean to zone out on you or anything.”

Truth be told, he had no clue what he’d said or done for the last…while.

Casey’s expression hardened. “That wasn’t zoning out, Leo. You were dissociating.”

Leo’s thoughts stopped in their tracks. If he was still as emotional and unstable as before, he would have anxiously attempted to deflect. CJ was too clever for that, so he went with a different strategy.

“I was?” He asked, sounding incredibly confused. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you guys worry.”

The kid’s eyebrows shot up, surprised by Leo’s ‘honesty.’ “It’s all right, Sensei- I mean Leonardo. It’s not your fault. Besides, I don’t think the others noticed it as much. I think they thought you were just tired.”

Hook, line and sinker. Catch him off guard, then subtle-y bring up the rest of the family to hair Casey into telling him how much they knew.

(Did Leo really just manipulate the traumatized boy that saved the world? Wow, this was a new low, even for him.)

Now for step three: redirect.

“Okay,” Leo sighed. “I guess it must have been hard to grow up watching your Sensei dissociate.”

Casey sputtered, caught off guard. “No-no, it’s fine!! It didn’t happen too often anyway. The worst was when Master…after…”

“After one of us passed away?” Leo finished for him, giving him a sympathetic look.

(Robotic. Fake. It was cruel to play with his emotions like this, as if Leo can actually feel something as he speaks.)

“Master Donatello’s death was…unexpected, to say the least. The Kraang knew how vital he was to the Resistance, so they decided to take him out personally. We’re pretty sure that, after capturing a couple higher ranked officers, they planned to attack his office directly.”

Casey paused, clenching his hands so tightly it looked like it hurt.

“One minute, Master Michelangelo and I were chatting with him on the intercom. The next—before someone could even sound the alarm—he was blown to bits.”

Leo’s breath hitched (which he only knew because he could hear it). “God, Case, that sucks. I’m so, so sorry. That couldn’t have been easy to deal with.”

“Yeah.” Casey looked down at his shoes. “Uncle Dee’s death really destroyed Sensei. Well, I guess it destroyed everyone. Not only did he lose his brother, his twin, they also lost the tech wiz who basically controlled the whole base.”

His wet, tear-filled eyes turned to look at Leo’s. “It certainly wasn’t as bad as losing a twin.”

(File it away for later. Don’t think about it. Even if you can’t feel your emotions, your body is still reacting. Stay strong for the kid.)

“Mhm.” 

They both fell silent, unsure of what to say. Leo watched his own chest rise up and down rapidly, breathing unstable because of the invisible grief.

“Hey Leo? Are you okay?” Leo flinched, his body on edge. (He was just a body now. People felt things, so he wasn’t one.)

“Yep,” he replied smoothly. Probably too smoothly for someone finding out about their future counterpart’s twin dying. “Just…a lot to take in.”

“I get that.” CJ stood up and offered a hand to him. He accepted it, though he was unsure where this was going. “Let’s head to bed. It’s past eleven pm.”

Damn, he was out of it for a while. “Sounds good, I’m beat.” 

They walked to their respective rooms, being careful to not wake anyone else up. Before Leo could enter his train cart, Casey paused.

“By the way, I’m here for you whenever you need,” CJ said. “You can count on me.” 

Leo smiled at him before pulling back the curtain. “Thanks, Case.”

(The kid was too kind for his own good, wasting his time on a lost cause.)

After he heard CJ’s footsteps drift far enough away, he plopped himself down on the floor. He put his arms around his knees and rested his head atop them. 

Leo listened to himself breathe, making sure they were controlled enough as to not set off Donnie’s monitor. Heaving slowly, to avoid letting anyone else know of his mental state.

He was finally alone. Before any of this happened, he used to hate being on his own. Being an extrovert, having to lay around bored while his bros were busy was a nightmare.

Now, his brothers’ constant, watchful eyes on him made his insides squirm. They judged him all day, every day, waiting for him to slip up. For a mistake that would be a good enough excuse to kick him out.

They didn’t want him here. Really, they couldn’t—shouldn’t—after everything he messed up. His ego, his hubris (book word), his self-absorption nearly cost them the world. 

They wouldn’t love him because of all that. So, he preferred solitary confinement over brutal hatred.

He was alone, finally. He could let his guard down, take off the mask.

He let his thoughts spiral, the harsh tides pull him under. 

(Whether or not he would ever resurface from the darkness was a question he didn’t want the answer to.)

Chapter Text

Somehow, Leo managed to get a full night’s rest. What was especially strange was it being dreamless, instead of being ravaged by nightmares for hours on end. 

His brain felt a little less muffled than usual. The lack of sleep was likely affecting his general performance, but it wasn’t to a severe enough degree for him to care.

(Not as if he could, anyway.)

The metal creaked under his feet as he got up and grabbed his phone. Six in the morning was pretty early for him. He doubted Mikey was even up, let alone started breakfast.

Well, might as well make himself useful.

Leo went to the kitchen, careful to not wake anyone up. When he arrived, he realized he had no idea what to make for his family. 

Looking through the cabinets, he decided on making waffles for breakfast. Simple, quick, and they already had a waffle maker. All he needed to do was follow Mikey’s recipe, conveniently found in Mikey’s detailed and well-organized cookbook.

He flipped to the page to figure out the ingredients, pulling them out from the cupboards. It looked pretty easy.

(Knowing him, though, he’ll probably mess up somehow.)

Leo poured the batter into the waffle iron gently, trying not to spill any. He set the timer and leaned back against the counter.

Now, he just had to wait.

As he began tapping on the counter, someone walked into the room.

Raph yawned, rubbing at his eyes. When he pulled away, he looked startled to see Leo up.

“Oh, hey Leo!” Raph chuckled tiredly. “What are you doing up?”

“Meh, woke up early and thought I’d make breakfast for everyone,” Leo stated. “You want first dibs?”

“Duh,” Raph smiled warmly. 

The machine beeped behind Leo, signalling the waffle was ready. He opened it up and put the steaming pastry on a plate. 

Just before Raph could grab the dish, quick footsteps rushed into the room.

“Raaaph!” Mikey shouted petulantly, Raph flinching back. “I told you I can handle breakfast myself!”

(Mikey was upset at him, but Raph was taking the blame.)

“This wasn’t me, little-” he corrected himself after immediately receiving a death glare from the youngest. “-big man. Leo was the one who made breaky today.”

Mikey’s head whipped toward him, expression cooling down. “Oh. Uh. Hey Lee! I see you made breakfast!” He smiled at him awkwardly.

(They think Leo is fragile, treat him like he’s made of glass. That he’s weak.)

(Are they wrong?)

“Yeah, I was up early and thought I’d spare you the trouble,” Leo replied, smiling kindly at his little brother while handing Raph his waffle.

“Weren’t you the one who broke the oven at the old lair? I think waking up to something on fire would be more trouble,” Mikey teased, reminding him of his past failure.

He scoffed. “I was like ten, leave me alone.”

Leo turned back to the iron, pouring more of the mix into it. Mikey went and sat down at the table next to Raph.

The two quickly forgot about Leo’s presence as they began talking. That left Leo to his own thoughts.

He knew he had intruded on the box turtle’s territory, but he didn’t expect him to be upset about it. That was an oversight on his part, of course.

Leo just needed to make sure he got permission before helping. He really didn’t want to make things worse. 

…Again.

Soon, the others started filing into the kitchen. Leo joined in the conversation a bit—mainly for show—but otherwise let them have their happy morning.

When everyone was finished and left to do their own things, Leo still hovered around the table. Without a job, a task, an assignment, he was left without purpose.

He didn’t know how to have fun anymore, especially not on his own.

Suddenly, a head peeked through the doorway. Mikey grinned at him, although a little nervously, and walked up to him.

“You wanna draw with me? I’m booored,” Mikey whined, giving him a begging look. As if Leo could ever say no to his little brother, even while he couldn’t be emotionally manipulated slash guilt-tripped.

“Sure, Miguel,” Leo patted his shoulder. “I can even be your muse, with my dashing good looks.”

Mikey giggled, skipping towards his room happily.

“Hmm, I think it looks like a bird,” Mikey responded.

“What?! It’s clearly Jupiter Jim doing a cool action pose!” Leo gasped, offended. He slapped his drawing down on the floor dramatically. “You just have no taste for true artistic beauty.”

Mike laughed. “Oh really? Says the one who can’t tell the difference between watercolor and acrylic paint.”

“Shut up,” Leo huffed. The banter came naturally to him despite the circumstances. He could always put a smile on his little brother’s face.

For the first time in a while, they were just hanging out. They both laid on the floor, markers in hand. Angelo being genuinely, completely content for the first time in a while made him- would’ve made him happy. Still, he smiled just for the sake of it.

“Aaaaaand…Done!” Mikey cheered. “You wanna see it, Leo?” 

“Obviously!”

Mikey held up the picture proudly. Leo was shocked (metaphorically speaking) to see it was a drawing…of him? 

For a second, he almost forgot to react. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and beamed at Mikey. “That’s amazing! I don’t know how your stuff is always so good, but you never cease to amaze.” He ruffled Mike’s nonexistent hair. “Thanks, bud.”

His brother’s smile dimmed, just for a moment. He looked disappointed.

(Leo failed. He messed up again. Mikey’s mad at him.)

(He’s a pest.)

Mikey smiled, forced around the edges. “No problemo, Lee! Glad you like it.”

Leo knew he should leave before he ruined things further. He pulled out his phone, seeing that he had only spent twenty minutes with Mikey. Time that his bro could be spending with someone better.

“Sorry Mikes, I think I gotta go train. I’ll see you at dinner though!” He grinned apologetically.

(Fake. Fake. Fake. Fake fake fake fakefakefake-)

“Awww, are you sure?” Angie frowned. “We’re not even going on patrol tonight. Can’t it wait?”

(Mikey was always able to put on a smile for everyone else, no matter how hurt he was. Who’s to say he couldn’t pretend to be sad too?)

“Nah, I’ll get outta your soon-to-grow-in hair. Catch you later, Ange-“

Mikey tugged on his arm, sitting up. “You don’t have to leave. Who said you have to leave?”

“Duty called, they wanted their ninja back,” he replied jokingly. “Besides, it’s not like anyone else is gonna be able to go patrol regularly.”

Oops, he didn’t mean to let that slip. Angelo glared at him. “What? We’re fully capable of fighting crime.”

“Really?” He asked coldly. “So, Raph can see clearly out of his eye again? Donnie can handle most textures and his shell’s not as sensitive? Your hands are perfectly fine?”

Mikey stood up and stomped his foot. “And what about you? You’re not traumatized too? The panic attacks and flashbacks have disappeared? You’re not hiding in the dojo all the time? You’re not abandoning us?”

The kid stopped to catch his breath, panting. 

Leo took a step back. He didn’t know what to say.

(He was right, he knew this would happen, he should be here, he should be de-)

“Sorry,” Mikey mumbled guiltily. “That was mean. We’re all dealing with it differently.” He paused. “I guess you are the most physically healed. But that doesn’t mean you have to fight crime without us. We’re here for you, okay?”

Leo’s hearing was a little muffled, but he still understood. They still didn’t trust his abilities, so he just had to prove himself.

…in secret. He could tell them later.

(He knew he wouldn’t.)

“Yeah, okay,” Leo relented. “I hear ya.”

“Is…is that where you’ve been going then? On patrol?” Mikey asked warily. Leo froze

“How…?” The question fell out of his mouth without a second thought. (Stupid, stupid.)

“I’ve woken up from nightmares a few times and gone to your room.” That was news to Leo. He thought the brothers only went to each other, leaving Leo to his own devices. After all, Raph had only gone to him once. “I got worried something had happened to you, but I saw you took your sword and phone with you.”

“Why didn’t you snitch?” 

Mikey laughed nervously. “Heh heh, I don’t know…?” Leo raised an eyebrow ridge. “Okay, okay! I snuck out to get some fresh air a few times. I just assumed you were doing the same thing. Plus, I waited to make sure you came back a couple nights.”

Leo was about to scold him for not telling them when he left the lair, but then he realized how hypocritical that would be. 

“And…” Mikey began. “Even though I know what you’re doing now, I doubt I’ll be able to stop you.” He laughed somberly. “Nothing can stop Neon Leon once he’s got his mind set on something. Or maybe Ra-”

“How about a deal, then?” Leo proposed. “I text you when I go out, you text me when you go out? Then neither of us have to tattle.”

It was a last ditch effort to make sure Mikey didn’t report him to the mother-hens. Surprisingly though, Mikey looked content at the offer.

“Deal!” Leo stuck out a hand to shake on it, but Mikey raised his pointed finger instead. “But! We also have to let each other know if we get hurt after sneaking out, okay?”

Leo contemplated this for a moment, expression unwavering. He could always just not tell him.

“Sure.” Mikey shook his hand.

As Leo was leaving, Mikey spoke up. “Just, uh…don’t overwork yourself, okay?”

His hesitation proved he wasn’t telling the truth. Mikey probably just didn’t want to deal with fixing Leo’s injuries.

“Of course.”

Chapter Text

Leo’s head was going to fall off. He thought so anyway, based on the sway of his vision and his inability to stand completely straight. His vision was blurry like a camera out of focus. He couldn’t focus. What was he thinking about?

How long had he been in here again? He should be in blinding pain by now. Yet, he couldn’t feel the bruising, the pulsing from inflamed fists. That means he’s perfectly fine, right?

He nearly fell while trying to get his bearings. His thoughts slipped away, leaving him emptier than before. The world spinned around him, becoming an incomprehensible mess.

The ground came rushing close, his eyes involuntarily closing as everything went dark.

Waking up from collapsing on the dojo floor hadn’t been fun. His limbs were weighed down by an invisible force, dragging him back down to the ground. Still, he had persevered through it.

Yet, the nagging thought in the back of his head remained. He needed to do something helpful, to keep proving his worth.

(To them or to himself?)

Cleaning. He could clean. He just had to make sure no one noticed him in this pitiful state, his limbs still sluggish and weak.

Right, he needed to get started. He grabbed a broom and began to sweep. The repetitive motion slowed his racing thoughts, granting him a small bit of mercy. 

Clouds of dust rose from where the stiff fibers brushed against the ground, an explosion of dirt. Kind of like hitting a big floating rock, with all of the debris and pebbles from the impact floating away from him.

Seeing a few of the new graffiti artworks around the lair reminded Leo of the time Mikey had put up tons of motivational posters.

The youngest had claimed that they were a nice addition, that they were inspiring and funny. Since his obsession with being his family’s therapist had begun around that time, he must have gotten some ‘Pinterest inspo’ from what he was researching.

Although Raph didn’t mind them, Donnie and Leo vehemently campaigned against having them anywhere besides Mikey’s room. The tech genius thought they were tacky and cramped his emotionless bad boy style.

Leo had chimed in that they were stupid. He didn’t need some silly cat to tell him to ‘hang in there!’

Eventually, after a lot of pressure from the middle children, Mikey agreed to take them down. He ended up giving them away, likely due to their teasing.

Even though he still felt a little bad for upsetting Angie, Leo knew he was right. Like, ‘you are loved’? Yeah, right.

Reality is weird. How do you know that you’re real? There’s no way for someone to prove it. 

He couldn’t feel the ground underneath his feet, the cold draft in the air. The warmth of a smile was nonsense to him at this point. He was numb. He’d always been numb.

‘I think therefore I am.’ That’s an interesting phrase. But can’t you think in the matrix? If you have thoughts while in a simulation, does that make you real and your reality fake? He could ask Donnie, he supposed.

Meh. No point in asking if he exists if he wasn’t real in the first place.

He didn’t want to eat. Granted, he didn’t have the ability to want anything at the moment, but it seemed like a waste of time. Instead of being productive and, say, going on patrol, he had to sit around on his butt and shovel nourishment into his gullet.

Sure, he could taste the food, but did it really matter? The flavor could be out of this world and yet he would receive no joy from it. It was useless. Why go through the trouble in the first place?

Oh right, for his family. If he didn’t want them to fret, he had to eat. If he didn’t want to die, he had to eat.

(At least he didn’t have to worry about the latter reason right now, since it’s not as if it was applicable to him.)

His brother’s laughter and chatter filled his head, completely unable to tune it out. He couldn’t feel overstimulated or bothered by it, but it still pointed out the lack of organs in his chest. It further proved how metallic and not-real he was.

If he wasn’t a person, and barely even a pet, then why did he bother?

Sometimes Leo could laugh at his thoughts. Like, ‘Wow, I sound like an edgy depressed tween who always wears black hoodies.’ He was probably a little bit better, since at least he wore blue ones.

But jeez, wasn’t it all so funny? He was the embodiment of an emo kid, probably unironically reposting memes with My Chemical Romance playing in the background that say something like, "My smile is fake, but it’s the only part of me that’s not broken.”

Sad font, crying emojis, eye bags, all of it. What’s next, is he going to start saying he’s not like other boys? He is a mutant after all, a freak of nature from birth. He was destined for the stereotypical depressed tween life. Hilarious, really. 

Maybe if he had the box-dyed hair black to match, he’d feel good about his looks. Or, if he’d had this phase earlier, he might have been humbled and mocked enough to grow out of it. He could’ve been happy now.

Hm, he should really try putting a razor to his wrist. It would really tie the whole look together. A nice splash of red to compliment the pale green of his dead, decaying scales. This corpse of a body could use some decoration.

Soooooo funny. He’s dying laughing.

(He’s not laughing. Why isn’t he laughing?)

He had decided to go out early for patrol. Since everyone seemed tired after a long day of…whatever they were up to, he assumed he wouldn’t be bothered by the others. Just a quick run of the rounds and then he’d head back.

It’d been pretty quick, all in all. Well, besides a mugger kicking his right leg out from under him. And then they’d stomped on it, for good measure. 

So his bad knee got dislocated, big whoop. Only a subluxation, so it would heal quickly enough with his mutant DNA. Probably. He didn’t bother checking, snapping it back in place no problem. 

Nothing to worry about. It was him who got hurt, not anyone else. Just as he’d planned before sealing his fate. Even if his little brother had saved him, he was well aware he wasn’t the priority in his family. Bottom of the food chain- eh, more like bottom of the hierarchy. In an emergency situation, you’d save the humans first before the dog. 

Maybe you wouldn’t save it at all.

Later that evening, Leo gave in and laid down on his bed. Fainting in the dojo earlier wasn’t exactly out of the ordinary, but it was harder to avoid when he couldn’t tell when he’d pushed too far out of his limits. 

Not that he cared, he just didn’t want to get caught by one of his brothers. He didn’t want to show them just how flabby and slow he was. 

Really, he wanted to get on his brothers’ level. Mikey was an agile and speedy wildcard, razzing his tazz to defeat his enemies. Donnie, despite his distaste for mystics, used them masterfully. He could summon complex machinery in an instant and use it in tandem with his metal creations. Raph could make constructs of himself—both big and small, full and partial—that could carry buildings.

And Leo? Leo spent months training in secret just to use portals, only to be left in the dust by their superior skills. Even his twin outdid him with zero training.

Time was slipping through his fingers. The day had flown by so fast. There were no clocks when he was floating around, being pummeled by Him over and over and over-

So, he was lazing around on his bed. Not being useful whatsoever, doing literally nothing. Except breathing, but did that really count? 

(He could always stop. Would that make it better?)

It was dark in his room. The absence of warmth made him feel cold, but in a not-cold sort of way. He couldn’t explain it, as it was mainly the lack of feeling that made it feel wrong. Pain would be welcomed at this point.

Prime would be back soon, so that wouldn’t be an issue. Or wait—if he was still there, why wasn’t he in any pain at the moment? His broken and partially-healed bones should still ache. The days-weeks-months spent trapped in hell were long, but Prime always made sure to stop by for ‘a chat’ often enough to be constantly in pain.

The cold wasn’t seeping into his veins, so he might not be there. His lights glowed above him, a warm yellow instead of blood-curdling red. So unlike what he was used to.

“Leo?” He heard a knock at the door. “You okay in there?”

Before Donnie came in, he rushed under the covers to look as if he was relaxing. Definitely not having a crisis. He hoped his heart rate hadn’t sped up and alerted him or something.

“Of course, mi hermano,” Leo replied cheerfully. “Just chillaxing in here.”

“Very funny,” Donnie huffed, annoyed. He opened the door and stepped in. “Were you ever going to tell me that your heater broke?”

What? His heater broke? He hadn’t noticed. 

“Yeah, but I was cozy. I didn’t want to get up and out of the perfect comfort zone. This is peak blanket time, Dee.”

“You know you could have just texted me,” he stated flatly. Donnie put his arms around himself. “Shiver. How did you manage to be at the optimal temperature in here? It’s freezing. You’re lucky I received a notification that it had malfunctioned, or else you could have gone into brumation.”

“I could use the beauty rest. Being asleep for months on end? Sign me up!”

(Maybe he’d never wake up.)

“Argh, you are insufferable,” Donnie sighed. “Come, you are going to sleep in my room tonight.”

“Twin turtle pile?” He ooo’d as if he was excited. “Let’s do this!”

He would have killed for this a few months ago. The glow from Don’s LED lights above them should’ve been comforting. His brother’s soft shell beneath his hands should’ve calmed his breaths and lulled him into a night full of dreams.

It was the same as if he was alone. He couldn’t feel Donnie’s shallow, sleepy puffs of air on his shoulder. The call of sleep evaded him. He still felt empty.

If a tree fell in a forest and no one was around to hear it, did it make a sound? 

If someone was hugging him and he wasn’t able to feel it, did it ever happen? Was it really meant for him? 

Did he deserve it in the first place?

Chapter Text

Leo made it to Thursday, surprisingly. He expected to have bled out or something by now. In the Prison Dimension, he was constantly teetering on the edge of death. The only moments of solace he received were spent dwelling on his mistakes, on what he could’ve done better.

Point is, with all of the bones that had barely healed properly and his arrogance, his chance of survival was probably pretty low. Yet, he beat the odds. Yippee. 

The more odd fact of the situation was that Donnie was laying down next to him. Actually asleep for once instead of pulling an all-nighter. His twin chose to have a sleepover with him of all peo- options?

Must’ve been a running-on-three-hours-of-sleep, spur of the moment decision. Nothing more.

Getting untangled from his twin and the blankets proved to be quite difficult. His arms were uncoordinated and uncooperative, exhausted from overuse. If he stayed here, maybe he’d never be able to get up again.

Donnie stirred slightly from the rustling. His head tilted up to face his blue-themed twin. “Mm…N’rdo..?”

“All good, Dee,” he whispered back. Leo turned around to leave. He took a few steps forward before noticing his right arm wasn’t following him. His brother had an ironclad grip on it, giving him a half-awake glare. “Hey, what’s up? Do you need me to grab something?”

“C’m here,” Donnie slurred, blinking a couple times to make himself more aware. “Your heater isn’t fixed yet.”

“It’s fine, I was just gonna…” he trailed off, unable to come up with an excuse on the fly. In truth, he was going to go out on patrol again. It was only four in the morning, so there may still be some crime going on. Plus, he needed some air.

“Yes, you were just going to get back in bed,” Donnie finished for him.

“Dude, I’m fine.” Since Leo had only just woken up, he was unsure how to convince his twin to let him leave. “Let go, you can sleep in.”

Dee gave him a hurt look. “Why don’t you want to cuddle with me? When we were younger, I needed to pry you off of me to get you to leave me alone. What changed?”

Exactly, so they were on the same page. He wanted Leo to leave, he was just confused why he was taking the initiative. Leo used to be a needy little brat, forcing his brothers to spend time with him when they clearly weren’t interested.

“Go away, Nardo.”

“Aww Lee, I’m in the middle of painting. Maybe later?”

“Bro, can you quiet down? Raph has a headache and can’t take anymore craziness.”

“Sorry Leo, I’ve got school work to do. Hey, don’t touch that-!”

“Not now, Blue. My show is on.”

“Nothing’s changed, Dee.” He smiled at him, shaking off his twin’s hand. “I’m just gonna go find something to do. Resident insomniac shenanigans, as per usual.”

Leo exited before he saw Donnie’s face, before he could respond. He didn’t want to know whatever he was feeling. Anger? Disappointment? Disinterest? 

If he closed his eyes and covered his ears, there wouldn’t be anything he’d need to file away for later. Blocking out the world meant he didn’t need to know what they thought of him. He had enough keeping him up at night, anyway.

He wished he could do that, but that would be weird. Imagine his brothers’ reactions: 

“Leo, why the hell are you curled up in the fetal position? Stop being a baby and get off the floor.” 

“Oh, guess he’s finally cracked. Good riddance.” 

“You’re being so selfish right now. Out of everyone, you’re the one having a meltdown? You’re the least traumatized, so you should be helping instead of making things worse. So dramatic.”

That’s what he’d tell himself, at least. He wasn’t fully sure what they would say, even though he used to be able to read them like a book. 

Something had changed, he supposed. Leo was able to contribute less to the team than before. He was useless when the Kraang attacked, incompetent when trying to save Raph, and completely incapacitated when a medic was needed after the invasion. 

Casey, the extremely traumatized teen from the future, had to clean up his mess. He was the one who snapped him out of his egotistical stupidity, he was the one who locked the Kraang in the PD, and he was the one who took care of everyone.

Leo, who came out of hell at an opportune time—less mangled and on the brink of death than normal in there—wasn’t able to do jack shit. His family had to nurse him back to health because of his damn choices.

And, turns out, he had made the wrong one. They had all scolded him for trapping himself in the Prison Dimension, and he couldn’t even fathom why. Didn’t he do the right thing? Wasn’t he being a hero for once?

Leo had finally stopped trying to get Raph to take back the title, trying to force him to be their leader again. He figured out his family wanted him to bear the burden of leadership instead of Raph because he deserved it. After so long, he understood.

But he was still missing something. The thing that made Raph avoid his gaze for weeks. The thing that made Mikey pretend his hands weren’t hurting for ages until Leo finally called him out on it, that made Donnie furrow his drawn-on eyebrows whenever he saw his twin. What made April so paranoid, made Splinter so…present in their lives now.

What was it, this crucial detail he couldn’t figure out? They were hiding it from him. Maybe. He wasn’t sure. Maybe he’s just projecting his own behavior onto them. Or, he was just an idiot.

No, he definitely was. He had been standing in front of his room for like five minutes at this point. 

Hm. Maybe he should actually go do something like he said he was going to. He could go patrol early of course, but what else?

Oh, Run of the Mill would be open in a few hours. He hasn’t gone in a couple weeks, and he hasn’t visited on his own since before the invasion. Hueso would probably have some stuff he could use help with.

Unless he decided he hates Leo, which would be fair. He could always leave if that were the case.

Yeah. He’ll go and visit Hueso. After beating up some baddies.

No one was out causing mischief, surprisingly. New York, the city that never sleeps, having a quiet and crime-free night? Odd. Eventually, he gave up checking.

Leo sat down on the ledge of a random building. He found himself watching life bustling around him, his gaze never wavering from the city streets below. He was just waiting to see the sunrise, that was all. That was his only goal. There was no other reason why he couldn’t tear himself away. Not at all. 

(It’s harder to lie to yourself when you can’t manipulate your own emotions.)

The ground looked so far away from his perch. Humans on their early morning walks were like ants to him. Little dogs trotted on the sidewalk were only little dots from this height.

If he fell, there’s no way he would survive. In an instant he’d be a green and red splatter on the ground, like an abstract painting. Guts and gore strewn about. Maybe people would step on them, completely unaware of his existence.

Leo wondered if anyone would care. 

Splinter wouldn’t notice, probably too busy watching TV. April would be more focused on her BFF, the better twin. Mikey might be a little sad, but he’d get over it pretty quickly. Raph would be happy to have the obnoxious bro out of the way.

And Donnie? Donnie…He would…He would think about it logically. Compare what he brought to the team and see the benefits of his absence. Yeah, that sounds like him.

(Don’t think about it. Don wouldn’t- shouldn’t care.)

No one would miss him.

(They shouldn’t care. They shouldn’t care.)

If he decided to just tip forward a bit and lost his balance…Would anyone blame him? 

Okay, duh. Taking the easy way out is a shame-worthy offense. Then again, since they all know how weak he is, he doubted it would be a surprise.

All it would take is a little push. A little push to send him free falling.

It would be so easy.

Leo’s phone vibrated in his pocket. Oh good, the timer he set is up. Hueso’s finally opened up shop for the day.

He got back up and opened a portal, ignoring its shivering edges.

Chapter Text

“Heya, Bone Man!” Leo shouted obnoxiously as he entered the restaurant.

“¡¿Qué?!” Señor Hueso exclaimed from the back room, a thud echoing through to the front. “Leonardo?”

“Did you miss your favorite turtle?”

“I certainly didn’t miss your loud entrances,” the skeleton dryly replied as he came out from the back. “What are you doing here so early, pepino? The restaurant doesn’t open until seven.”

“Wait, really? I thought you said you get here at six.”

Hueso sighed tiredly. “Dios mio, I said I come in to the restaurant to prepare at six. Why on earth did you wake up so early to visit?”

“Couldn’t get back to sleep, so I thought I’d come and help out,” Leo replied honestly. “Besides, couldn’t you use a helping hand? Preferably one with skin?” He laughed awkwardly at his own joke.

“Lo que sea. Fine, you can assist me by cleaning the dishes while I get everything set up.” Leo did an exaggerated arm pump in triumph.

(Hueso sounded angry. Maybe he hated him too.)

Leo followed Señor Hueso into the kitchen. Inside, he looked upon the stunning array of yokai ingredients, decor, and technology. Even though he had been in here a few times before, it never ceased to amaze him.

Except when under a spell, of course.

“Well, sobrino? Chop chop,” Hueso said, ushering him towards the sink.

“Aw, you don’t have time to talk to your favorite nephew?” Leo gave him an overly sad look.

“Hmph. You say you came here to work, and then you yap for an hour.” 

That shut him up quickly. Hueso was definitely right about that. Jeez, Leo’s so annoying. Bugging him early in the morning because he was bored and wanted purpose? Not cool.

They worked in silence, only the clanking of plates and pans breaking it. Leo was hyper aware of what he was doing, being incredibly careful to not destroy anything. Since he couldn’t feel anything that he was doing, it made it ten times more difficult.

He wished he could do better. Leo knew he could be better, if he tried hard enough. If he gave everything he had to his family, maybe they could use him for something greater. Make a better Leonardo. 

His whole identity felt like clay. He would let anyone mold him into what they wanted so he would finally be enough. The slider knew how to adapt, after all. He knew how to become whatever anyone—including a tyrannical alien—needed him to be.

A son, a brother, a ninja, a soldier, a leader, a pest, and a toy. What’s the difference? They’re all just roles he filled, parts he played. Who was he really?

Nothing. He longed for direction.

“Idiota. When I said you should get to work, I didn’t mean you weren’t allowed to speak,” Hueso told him, more gently than usual. 

“Oh, sorry,” Leo answered flatly, forgetting to add emotion. “Uh- Guess you must’ve missed my charming, amazing voice?” He winked at Hueso, hoping to annoy him.

“Yes, I did,” Hueso said quietly. He then added more loudly, “I missed my best-paying customer. Where have you been?”

“Meh, I haven’t been up to much. Resting, healing, training, helping future boy-”

“‘Future boy?’”

“Dang it, did I forget to tell you that CJ—the human from last time, black-haired kid with a hockey stick—was from the bad future? The one where the Kraang won?”

“I knew of your great battle, but I did not expect the future to play a role.” He paused. “I am grateful you did not have to spend long with the aliens.”

He froze, his body on autopilot. Memories flooded back, Leo unable to stop them from forcing their way to the front of his mind. He couldn’t even care about them to want to.

Pain had wracked his body, but it wasn’t what had scared him. He had watched as his sanity had dripped away, hope fading along with it. The Kraang knew this and used it to his advantage. What’s better than torturing someone physically? Torturing them psychologically as well, obviously.

He couldn’t breathe. For a moment, he stood there helplessly.

Eventually, after what felt like an eternity but was more like five seconds, he was able to make himself move again. He greedily but quietly took a couple quick breaths.

“Pepino?” Hueso hovered beside him, looking concerned (why? He’s fine, he didn’t feel a thing). “Are you all right?”

“All good, Bone Daddy.” Hueso cringed at the name, but didn’t look placated.

He had been fine back in the Prison Dimension too. Even in a desolate wasteland, Leo had received love. 

(A warped, twisted version. Slimy tentacles patting him on the head before slicing his chin. Games that Leo never won. Hugs that were suffocating, leaving him gasping for air. Sweet, poison-laced words. Love. The only one who loved him.)

(No one was coming for him, but He would always be there for him.)

“I…What…?” The skeleton trailed off in thought, before seemingly coming up with an idea. “Were you…with the ‘Kraang’ for longer than you said?”

Once again, his limbs locked up. He was able to smile, but it probably didn’t come out as reassuring as he’d hoped.

“Mijo…” Hueso looked to be at a loss for words. “How long?”

“It’s fine.”

“Leonardo.” Yikes, full name.

“It’s chill! Besides, it’s not like I had a watch. What’s a few weeks in the PD matter?” Even to himself, the excuse sounded weak. 

Leo had been so weak. He hadn’t been able to fight back after the first couple days, instead just running. Before Prime had managed to catch him for good, he had scavenged. Hunger and thirst couldn’t kill him there, but he could feel their effects. The pain had been unbearable.

It had been worse when he was caught. Learning to avoid Prime’s wrath had been difficult and often was fruitless. He gave up on trying to escape. What was the point? He couldn’t even escape through death, not without his swords.

(Sometimes he missed it. Life was simple and made sense. He knew his role, his purpose.)

“L…o…Pepino?” Hueso’s voice filtered into his head. He looked up to face him. “Oh, thank goodness. You were gone for a minute and wouldn’t respond.”

“Sorry, sorry.” He rubbed his temples out of habit, though it took him a second to notice the motion.

“Don’t apologize, it is not your fault.” Hueso took his hand and led him to his office. “Please, sit.”

Leo remembered when he would come here multiple times a week. He vented for so long that the restaurant would close and they would come and chat in here. Despite Hueso’s grumpy demeanor towards him, maybe he did care about him.

(That’s stupid. That’s so stupid. He’s being an idiot and projecting emotions onto them. Hueso treats him like the plague, it’s obvious he’s just doing this to get him to leave. Why the hell would he genuinely like Leo?)

“Leonardo?” That snapped him out of memory lane. He hurriedly sat down, hoping he wasn’t being a bother.

Señor Hueso dragged his boney (ha, boney) hand over his face, huffing tiredly. “I don’t suppose I can bribe you to ‘spill the beans,’ as they say, with food?”

“Sorry Hueso, not this time,” he said with a plastic grin. “Nothing to spill, anyway. Everything’s good.”

Hueso raised an eye ridge. “First you have a, how do you say, panic attack, and then you tell me you spent weeks with a demon? Have you even told your family about this, mijo?”

“Yeah, of course,” Leo lied smoothly. “I told them as soon as I found out it was only five minutes for them.”

Hueso looked him over, unable to distinguish if he was lying or not. Normally he could spot Leo’s lies from miles away, but he guessed his cool demeanor was throwing him off.

(The years spent perfecting the craft of fooling those around him went to waste around Hueso. That effort was useless if someone could tell, he supposed.)

“Fine, but it is clear to me you are not coping well. You seem…worse for wear than when I saw you last.”

“Just tired today is all,” Leo replied, playing up his nonexistent exhaustion. “Come on, I don’t need another worry-wart watching over me.”

“I doubt that,” he responded bluntly. “¡Anda! What are you hiding from me? Why won’t you blab about your problems for hours on end like usual? What has changed?”

The elder’s words reminded him of Donnie’s. “What changed?”

Everything and nothing. No, the answer was simpler than that. He had changed, for the better.

“Well, weren’t you tired of me bugging you all the time? You surely have better things to do.” Despite his realistic and truthful answer, Hueso looked upset at his answer.

“Pepino…” Why did everyone always use that tone with him? ‘Leo’ this, ‘Nardo’ that. Couldn’t they say his name without sounding sad? 

(Isn’t this what they wanted from him?)

“Sorry, that was unfair of me,” Leo said ‘guiltily.’ “You’re just trying to help, so I shouldn’t have been so snappy. Hah, get it?”

“It is all right,” Hueso answered kindly, laughing fondly. “How’s about you make it up to me by telling me what’s going on?”

Leo had three options: tell the truth (no), tell a partial truth (which Hueso usually figured out in a heartbeat), or make up a bullshit excuse (which he could normally tell was one). However, the last one seemed like it would work best since he could get away with a lot more at the moment.

Then, to pick a target. CJ would make the most sense since he brought the boy up earlier.

“I’m just- I’m worried about CJ.” Leo fidgeted with his hands to really sell it. “He’s a kid from an apocalypse, you know? Casey‘s dealt with so much, losing so many people. How am I supposed to help him if it’s hard to even fathom what that’s like?”

Hueso’s eye sockets widened at the sudden veer in conversation. Still, Leo wasn’t worried since he’d played his cards right. Bring the attention onto someone else while also making it a bit about him. Let Hueso connect the dots and think they’re talking about a deep-seeded concern.

“Well, how has he been coping so far?” Señor Hueso inquired.

“Mainly by bottling it up and trying to be useful.”

“Ah, so he must have followed in your future self’s footsteps,” Hueso chuckled sadly. “Do you think trying to have him open up would be helpful for him?”

“Maybe. I just don’t know him well enough to say for certain.” Leo thought about it for a moment. “It must be difficult to go from living with us in another timeline to ending up in the past where no one knows him.”

“You could always talk to your family about this as well,” Hueso suggested. “Surely they will have some insight as well.”

“The thing is,” Leo started hesitantly. “I think I might have been his dad in the future? I haven’t asked about it, but he always called me his ‘Sensei’ and it seems like I took care of him most of the time.”

“Ay-ay-ay,” Hueso sighed. “I see now why this is so complicated.” He rubbed his chin with his pointer phalanges.

“You’re telling me,” the turtle mutant huffed. “Should I, like, try to be his surrogate dad or something?”

“Pepino, you are a teenager. I sincerely doubt you are ready to be a parent at the moment.”

“Touché.”

“I think your relationship with Casey should be decided between the two of you. Maybe ask him what he needs, hm?”

Leo gave him a small smile. “Yeah, I guess I’ll try that before throwing in the turtle.”

Hueso sucked in a breath between his teeth. “That was certainly not your best. Replacing towel with turtle? Really?”

“Hey, you try coming up with amazing one-liners every time!” Leo huffed good-naturedly. “I think it’s about time I head back. Isn’t the restaurant opening soon?”

“Goodness no. It’s only, what, six thirty? You are welcome to stay for longer if you wish.”

“Eh, I think I should head back before anyone gets worried.” Leo sliced open a portal. “Cya later, Tio!”

Señor Hueso minutely grinned at Leo as he left. ‘He’s probably just happy I’m gone,’ Leo thought. ‘Well, note to self: don’t go to Run of the Mill unless I want an interrogation.’

Instead of going home, he stepped out onto a random rooftop. Might as well get some exercise in and avoid Donnie’s wrath.

Guess that’s one more person he’s disappointed. Another lie to add to the pile, he supposed. If there’s already so many, what’s the harm? Besides, he’ll tell his fam about the curse eventually.

(He won’t. This is something he’s taking to the grave.)

Chapter Text

Scoping out the streets, all Leo could see was the typical hustle and bustle of NYC. Nothing out of the ordinary or villainous occurred. 

He sat on the rooftop of an apartment building, swinging his legs off the ledge. It was only seven in the morning, and he had already run out of things to do.

Despite looking for trouble for once, he couldn’t find any. No way to delay his inevitable return home.

He really didn’t want to though. Besides wanting to put off Donnie’s lecture, he also didn’t care to face the watchful eyes of his family. Constantly staring, an emotion he couldn’t name painting their faces.

(Couldn’t, or didn’t want to?)

He heard the wind blow by him, likely cool considering he shivered in its presumably harsh gusts. 

For some reason, his thoughts always drifted back to what he was missing. Voices in the back of his head nagged him about sensations he lacked. Did he miss the chill of the morning air, the cold concrete beneath his palms?

Of course not. He couldn’t want anything in this state. There was no longing for care, for appreciation he hadn’t earned. He couldn’t be a whiny baby about everything, crying himself to sleep over missing his eldest brother’s hugs or his twin’s gifts.

They deserved someone better. Maybe Donnie could build a robo-brother- oh wait, Shelldon already existed. Yeah, he’d already done that. Now that he thought about it, did Don create Shelldon to replace him?

Suddenly, he heard voices drift closer from behind him. Leo could hear chatter from two familiar people as they walked up the stairs behind the roof door, presumably to rest up here as well.

“Come on, I’ve told you a million times: I didn’t mean to leave behind the chilly bin last year,” Hypno argued lightheartedly. “Can’t you let that go already?” 

“You left all the ice cream behind! It was so hot, and you know sweat isn’t good for my hair,” Warren Stone replied. 

Leo only remembered his name because of how much April had raved about the terrible covering of the invasion by the new station news anchor. 

Leo thought he’d be fuming the next time he saw the pair, but it seemed his prediction was pretty inaccurate. To be fair, you can’t usually account for mystic shenanigans.

“Aye, I still got you some fizzy-” The hippopotamus mutant cut himself off, noticing his enemy’s presence. “Oh, it’s the blue one!” 

“Yep,” Leo replied, standing up. “Hey Hypno! Aaaaaaand…William?”

“It’s Warren!” The worm cried indignantly. “How come you turtles never remember my name?!”

“To be fair, April does. Though, she’s not a turtle so she probably wouldn’t count. Anyway, what are you guys up to?” Leo asked nonchalantly.

“None of your business,” Warren grumped.

Hypno gave Warren a dirty look. “Aye, be nice, love. The kid saved the world! I reckon he deserves a thanks or two for that.”

Hm, so the media had captured a lot of footage after all. Or maybe just regular citizens; it was hard to know. Donnie had tried his best to get rid of it, but it was a little late by the time he could.

“No problem,” Leo said calmly. “Though, I wish you hadn’t helped start the apocalypse in the first place.”

The smile fell off Hypno’s face. Warren gave the ninja a shocked look.

“Wait, I was right?” Warren questioned quietly. “Holy…”

Horror filled the other villain’s face. “Agh, I knew we shouldn’t have taken the job! I thought it was a bit sketchy, but I couldn’t be bothered to ask those cultists what that thing was for.”

Leo knew instantly what they were talking about. “You guys didn’t know it was a mystic key to the Prison Dimension? Like, at all?”

“We needed the money! There’s no way I was going to let us get evicted,” Warren defended.

“Does it matter if there’s no apartment to get evicted from?” Leo countered coldly.

“But…that didn’t happen,” Hypno hesitated. “Thanks to you lot, we’re not being murdered by aliens.”

“I guess I can’t blame you too much,” Leo sighed. “It’s not as if it’s entirely your fault. Can’t exactly ignore the fact that I lost it.”

The magician’s face scrunched up—kind of like how Mikey’s does when he’s upset, hah. “Now, let’s not be hasty here. What are you on about?”

“Uh, hello?” Leo gestured outwardly. “Raph tried to grab the key and I portal-chopped his magic hand. I let it get away, which allowed the foot to get it-”

“Aren’t you fifteen or so?” Warren interrupted. “I doubt anyone’s going to blame a teenager for failing to stop a cult. You did your best, that’s all that matters. And trust me, I’ve told enough news stories to know how this goes.” He dramatically flipped his hair.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s just pretend that neither of us had any part in nearly ending the world,” Leo redirected, hoping to get the attention off himself. “I’m sure that everyone in the bad universe would love to hear that.”

“Hold on mate, what?” Hypno questioned, looking lost.

Leo would’ve felt a bit bad about dropping that bombshell. Right now, he thought they kind of deserved it.

Then again, he couldn’t be the judge of that.

“Sorry, probably shouldn’t have brought that up.” Leo looked away awkwardly. “I should probably go.”

“Oh wait!” Hypno cried. “I have something for you.”

Leo looked at him, raising an eyebrow in an attempt to look confused. 

“Here,” the mutant handed him a slip of paper. “I’m glad I kept it on me just in case I ran into one of you. It’s an invite to our wedding in a couple months.”

“I guess, since you’ve helped us out in the past, you can come.” Warren shrugged. “Not just because I want to see the old fan of mine.”

“Oh.” The slider wasn’t exactly sure how to respond. “I’ll, uh, go tell my fam then.”

“All right. Hope to see you there!” Hypno smiled warmly at him, despite trying to destroy him just a few months prior.

Leo opened a portal and decided to go back to the lair, for real this time. Waving goodbye to the former villains, he hopped through the blue gateway before it snapped closed.

Guess they were a little more finicky now than he expected. No problem, he could adapt. He was a very adaptable person, if he did say so himself. Just as he adapted to Donnie being in his room when he appeared.

“Leo!” Donnie’s head shot up from looking absentmindedly at his phone. “Where have you been?!”

“You already know that, right?” Leo asked, gesturing to his device. “I know you have trackers on all of us.”

“I, uh, didn’t- never mind, I’d rather not participate in the uncomfortable act of lying at this moment. Tell me, dear brother, why have you been wandering throughout the city all morning?”

“I mean, it’s New York. What a town.” That didn’t even get a snort from his twin, meaning he must be really upset. “Okay, okay. I was just doing a quick patrol.”

“At six in the morning? For three hours?”

“Oops, I must’ve lost track of time,” Leo admitted. “I can’t believe it’s already been that long.”

“God, I can’t believe I even covered for you.” Donnie sighed.

“Wait, you covered for me? Why?” Leo was (would be) shocked. He expected the other to have ratted him out by now.

“Raph has enough on his plate, if you hadn’t noticed. He doesn’t need even more fuel for his worry.” Donnie looked away nervously, but Leo couldn’t tell if it was because of some omission or because he was fidgeting anxiously with his hands.

(His presence made them all uncomfortable.)

“Now that’s something we can agree on,” Leo joked.

“Argh, I just-” Ooo, Donnie was mad mad. “I don’t get it! Why are you running away; why won’t you talk to me? Why are you acting like this?”

Oh. Oh no. What did he do wrong? Wasn’t he doing better? Why wasn’t Donnie happy? Shouldn’t he be pleased with what Leo’s been doing? He’s finally stepping up. Isn’t that what they all wanted?

Nothing is ever enough. Not for Donnie, not for Raph, not even for himself. What is he supposed to do? What does he have to say to fix everything? Why can’t he just be good?

“Good pet. You’ve been so obedient today. Finally, you’ve learned your place. You are nothing without me.”

He’s nothing without them. He's nothing without them. He’s nothing without Him. He’s nothing. He’s nothing. He’s nothingnothingnothingnothing-

“Breathe. Leo, you have to breathe.” Donnie’s voice filtered through the static non-existence.

He saw his own chest rise and fall rapidly through hazy eyes. The dark grey ground reminded him of the Prison Dimension, but he knew it couldn’t be. He couldn’t feel the pebbles scratch his skin, the dust covering his body.

Right, Mikey’s portal. Leo made it out through a golden gateway. He survived; they all did. 

(What more could he ask for?)

“Are you all right?” A voice questioned. He turned his head up and locked eyes with his twin. 

Shit. He saw that.

“Yep. All good.” Leo needed to come up with an excuse and fast. An explanation for his little…slip up. Moment of weakness. Whatever they wanted to call it.

“My apologies,” Donnie said robotically. “It was not my intention to trigger you. I suppose I was being too harsh.”

Leo knew he didn’t mean it. When they felt remorseful, their tone would show it. Sure, he normally would say it stiffly, but there would be something there. Something for Leo to look far too deeply into.

“It’s fine.” He replied honestly. It wasn’t even a surprise that he’d had a panic attack anymore, just an inconvenience. If anything, he just hoped he wasn’t bugging his brothers as per usual.

“Is…hm…I-” The purple clad twin cut himself off. “Is there anything I can do to assist? I’d rather not resume our previous conversation if it will be upsetting to that degree.”

“No, you’re good.” Leo waved him off. “Oh, by the way, we got invited to Hypno and the worm’s wedding.” He held out the slip of paper.

Donnie’s surprise bubbled up in his expression. It seemed Leo was getting quite good at throwing people off their guard.

“Ah, I see.” He grabbed the invitation from Leo’s hand. “I’ll ask the others about it later. Unless you have a plausible explanation for how this came into our possession that doesn’t include us lying to them.”

“Did they figure it out, though? That I snuck out?” Leo asked, relatively sure that they had. Donnie was notoriously bad at fibbing. 

“I wouldn’t call it sneaky, but no. I played a recording of your breathing in your room.”

“…Why do you have that again?”

“Irrelevant,” Donnie said quickly. “Now then, you should go eat breakfast. Mikey saved you a couple sandwiches.”

“Fiiiiiiine,” Leo grumbled. He went over to the door, but turned back to face Donnie. “Did you sleep in this morning?”

“Of course not, you dumb-dumb. I was worried about you.”

Leo’s heart probably skipped a beat while he was unable to process. 

(He’s lying he’s lying he’s lying. Stop getting your hopes up, idiot.)

He shook his head to dispel the momentary ice around his limbs. “Aww, you missed me.”

Donnie rolled his eyes, proving his hypothesis correct. (Obviously. He hates you. Everyone hates you.)

Leo walked through the curtain, mentally preparing himself for another encounter with his brothers.

(He was an extrovert who hated being alone. It was boring, draining to chill on his own. But hanging out with his bros was his Achilles heel; it took away time that could be spent helping them.)

(And, he knew that if he spent more time by himself, he would be ready for when they inevitably got sick of him. Or, at least, to the point where they’ll kick him out.)

Chapter Text

Leo walked into the kitchen warily, crossing his fingers mentally and hoping that he wasn’t about to get another lecture.

“That’s a great idea!” Mikey exclaimed. “Maybe I’ll find a place I can volunteer at too. Sounds like fun!”

“Well, Raph just hopes they’ll let mutants join in the cleanup efforts,” Raph rubbed the back of his head with his hand. “Maybe our saving-the-world street cred will finally come in handy?”

“Whatchu guys talking about?” Leo asked curiously. 

“Hey Leo!” Raph greeted him, smiling. “I’m surprised you slept in so late.”

Mikey’s eyes narrowed at him for just a moment before he continued talking. “We were just thinking about joining some volunteer groups. Raph was going to help out the clean-up crew, and I was going to see if I could join a soup kitchen or something.”

It was like a lightbulb appeared over Leo’s head. If he wanted to be productive, this was the best way to do it. He could help out the victims of his actions and have an excuse for it. Win-win!

“Aww, but we’ll miss your cooking,” Raph whined jokingly.

“Nah, don’t worry. I’ll still cook for the fam! It would just be nice to make stuff for people who need it too.”

“I guess I’ll have to find one too!” Leo decided, sounding happy. “A volunteer thing-y, that is.”

(Well, he should’ve been, right? No wait, he shouldn’t be. He didn’t deserve it. Wait, would it make everyone else feel better if he was? Whatever. Stop thinking about it.)

“What kinda thing are you thinking of doing?” Raph questioned.

Leo thought about it for a moment. “Is there any kind of invasion relief work I could help with?”

“I don’t know, big guy. Isn’t your knee still bothering you sometimes? I don’t think helping rebuild would be great for you right now.”

“I can handle it!” Leo objected. “Come on, we went out on patrol together. You know I’m capable of carrying around some rocks and junk.”

Raph crossed his arms. “Yeah, and you sliced open your arm. Really inspiring confidence in your abilities.”

“That’s not fair. Accidents happen!” Leo knew he sounded like a child. Even if he couldn’t feel the infuriation building up inside, he knew he shouldn’t lose this opportunity.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Raph huffed. “Besides, you’re already over-exerting your muscles in the dojo. There’s no way you’d be able to lift up rubble when you’re exhausted from training twelve hours a day.”

“Then I’ll cut back!” He argued.

“Leo, I don’t trust you to know your own limits.”

‘I don’t trust you.’ It rang through his head over and over. Raph doesn’t trust him. He already assumed that was the case, but it was a different thing entirely to have it be confirmed.

His older brother still saw him as the reckless buffoon he was before the invasion. No matter how hard he tried, his reputation would always overshadow him.

“Are you the leader? You think you know best just because you’re the oldest? Oh, look at me, I’m Raph and I’m always right.”

“Le-”

“Enough!” Mikey shouted, cutting off whatever Raph was going to say next. “I thought we were past this. Didn’t you guys say you were done with the fighting?!”

That’s right; they had promised the youngest they would cease with incessantly arguing. Mikey and Donnie had been suffering in silence under the endless tension in the air. Leo’s immaturity had made his little bro run out of his room crying on more than one occasion. If he had just listened to Raph, if he had just grown up and done better, then the two younger brothers would have been emotionally unscathed.

Raph looked apologetically at Angelo. “Sorry, Mikes. That’s our bad. We’ll lay off it, I swear.”

Not even asking for Leo’s input? That makes sense; it’s totally fair considering his track record. 

(He wasn’t there. Just a passive observer, unable to affect reality. A ghost. He never made it out.)

He supposed charity work wasn’t on the table anymore. Back to the drawing board, then.

“Sorry,” Leo murmured guiltily. 

Why was he like this? Even when he was the best version of himself, after he had thrown away his useless and dangerous emotions, he still failed. He had made things worse again. It seemed every promise he created was bound to be broken eventually. 

Frankly, it would be better if he wasn’t around to make them.

He walked out of the kitchen, not bothering to eat. Why would he when he didn’t deserve it? If he wanted to nourish himself, he had to earn it. Tough love. 

“Hey Leo, where are you going?” Mikey spoke up from behind him. “Don’t you want breakfast?”

He had forgotten that they were there, watching him. “Eh, I’m not too hungry. Maybe I’ll just grab a granola bar or something.”

“But you hate those,” Mikey said, confused. “I can make you a sandwich if you want!”

“Nah, you don’t have-”

“I insist!” He shouted, a little too loudly to be casual.

“…okay,” Leo relented. He didn’t want to start another fight. Raph was still sitting at the table, so Leo took the chair next to him.

The room fell into silence, tense and— for everyone except Leo—uncomfortable. He fidgeted with his fingers, the strange disconnect between seeing his hands move and not feeling it still present.

“Hey Lee?” Raph asked quietly. “Raph’s sorry for yelling. Now that I think about it, it’s probably not a good idea for us to go out and help. We’re all healing-”

“My hands are fine,” Michaelangelo growled, slamming a plate on the counter. “You don’t need to baby me.”

“Raph’s not!” The elder quickly raised his hands defensively. “My eye’s not the best right now, and my arm still kinda hurts from the- the thing. I don’t think any of us are in the best shape.”

Mikey’s eyes looked him over before softening. “Fine, I get it. I’ll stay back, but only so you don’t feel left out. Not because of my arms.”

Raph chuckled. “Thanks, little brother.”

The other shrugged. “It’s no biggie. Besides, imagine if Donnie caught wind of what we were planning. He’d probably hole himself up in his lab again to try and build a bot to help us out.”

“And then try to start a tech empire with those bots.”

“He’d finally be able to buy his own uranium!”

The two of them laughed, the weariness falling off of their shoulders.

…They forgot about Leo. He should’ve expected it, really. If he wants to be a part of a conversation, he actually needs to talk. Haha, look at him being sooooo overdramatic for no reason. He’s an asshole. Blaming his brothers for his own actions, as per usual.

Mikey handed him the sandwich, neat and pretty on the plate. It looked delicious, but all he could do was thank him and choke it down. 

His mouth tasted like blood again, meaning his brother’s effort spent making it delicious went to waste. What a pity.

Donnie wouldn’t look him in the eye. Even when lunch came around, his twin avoided him. It seemed he was pretty perturbed by Leo’s little freak out earlier.

Not that Leo blamed him. Honestly, it was embarrassing—he imagined it was, anyway. He would’ve felt bad about forcing Don to deal with icky feelings, but, y’know. 

He should apologize. Putting his brother in a super uncomfortable situation was a dick move. But, it seemed that him saying anything was also a dick move. Donnie normally just wanted him to shut up anyway.

Would his silence be penance enough?

“I’m worried about Leo.”

Mikey’s voice floated through the kitchen into the living room, despite the younger’s attempts at keeping quiet. 

Leo paused, putting his broom back in the closet and creeping closer towards his brothers. His plans of post-lunch word-for-cleaning-that-starts-with-p would have to be put on hold.

“Agreed. Though his behavior hinted toward a decline in his mental wellbeing, it seems that he has been doing even worse as of late.”

Dammit. Has he fucked up bad enough lately that they won’t even talk to him about it? Getting lectured is bad, but them talking behind his back is worse. Especially Donnie, who is usually the most direct of them all.

They did that before the invasion. He had ignored Mikey and Donnie’s whispers before, and look where that got him.

“What do we do? He’s too stubborn to talk to any of us about it.”

Raph was right; he’s too stubborn. Just another flaw to add to the list. 

“I’m not sure. My main concern is the cause of this sudden shift in attitude. Is it arrogance? Does he believe that he’s too good to have mental health or physical struggles?”

Too good? Too good? Leo is the opposite of that. Arrogant, however? That would make sense. At least he can always trust Donnie to be honest when he’s being an idiot.

“I don’t think that’s it. I’ve been doing some research-” 

God, his brother is that worried about him? Everyone else deserves therapy more, ‘Dr. Feelings’ included. He’s making Mikey waste his time and worry about him. Leo’s really just the worst, isn’t he?

“-and I think it’s probably some sort of deep-rooted issue. Maybe depression? I mean, he’s definitely got some PTSD symptoms, but I think we’re all dealing with the same kinda thing. Still, hasn’t he always been like this? Pushing past his limits? Pretending he’s perfect?”

Oh.

…

Oh.

That’s what they think of him? He- that’s a lot for him to process. Yeah, he knew he was right, but it’s…something else to hear it confirmed.

Leo tasted vomit in his mouth.

Slowly, carefully, he went over to the bathroom, making sure the others had no idea he was even there.

Before he knew it, he was leaning over the toilet and spewing out his guts. There goes the sandwich Mike had taken the time to make for him. 

Nothing. The nothingness curdled inside him. His hands were shaking and he couldn’t feel it; his vision was blurring and he couldn’t comprehend it.

He was nothing. The Kraang had scooped out everything he had and threw it away. All he could be was a shadow, a void lacking substance. 

Why was he still here? Why? What was the point? They clearly didn’t want him to be. He was just a worthless little pest that ruined everything he touched.

They didn’t want him. They didn’t love him. Even the hopeful little voice in his head shut up for once and accepted what was truly in front of him.

Truth hurts, he supposed, even when he couldn’t feel the pain.

Chapter Text

After exiting the restroom, Leo heard his phone buzz from his pocket. 

‘APRIL O’NEILLL: You two ready to hang out tomorrow? >:D’

Leo had nearly forgotten his promise. He remembered Casey’s ecstatic smile when he agreed to spending time together. How had that slipped his mind?

He was too focused on his problems and was self-absorbed, that’s how. His future self was counting on him to take care of the kid, and he was failing miserably.

Maybe April and Casey actually wanted to hang out with him? 

Nope, nope. Shut up. He shouldn’t expect that. It’ll only hurt worse when his expectations are inevitably not met.

‘Neon Leon: yep, tmrw at 9am work?’

‘CJ: That works for me. 😃😁👍’

God, Casey used emojis like a sixty year old on Facebook. Still, it was pretty cute. Normally it warmed his heart to see the kid learn to use modern tech casually.

‘APRIL O’NEILLL: Sounds great! :)’

Okay, so the date was set. The day of reckoning—trying to figure out if they hated him as much as his brothers did—would arrive soon.

Still, he didn’t know what to do in the meantime. Leo had half a day to kill, after all. What could he do to try and win back his family’s love?

He could bake them so- nope, Mikey would hate that. Plus, he sucked at anything to do with the kitchen. Showing off his cool skateboarding tricks? No, that would show how cocky he was and be annoying. 

Before he could put his phone down, the screen lit up again.

‘Dr. Delicate Touch: hey, can you come to my room? I wanted to talk to you about something’

Well, that was ominous. It certainly wasn’t the most happy-sounding message, so he was probably in trouble for something. Maybe that’s why he had been glaring at Leo earlier?

He wasn’t exactly clear on what he had done wrong. Yeah, he had gone out on patrol earlier, but Angie didn’t know about that. Donnie had made sure that Leo wouldn’t get caught so Raph wouldn’t worry. 

Was it about him cooking in the kitchen the other day? Mikey was pretty upset about that. He also left really quickly while hanging out with him. Leo hadn’t wanted to anger his little brother, but he knew that his presence would only hurt him further.

(Everyone who cared about Leo got hurt. It was the price to pay for loving someone so unlovable. That’s probably why they stopped.)

Maybe he had done something to make someone else mad, and he was just going to do a little therapy session?

Orrrr…did he want to talk about the invasion?

He really didn’t want to. No matter how much Mike pressured him into talking about it, he refused to budge. It was pointless. 

Well, it was probably just about something unimportant. There was no point in catastrophizing before the conversation even happened.

‘Neon Leon: shure, be over in aa sec’

Grabbing his one of his swords, he opened up a portal to his little brother’s room.

…or, that’s what he was trying to do. He definitely hadn’t wanted to walk onto the freaking Statue of Liberty. 

The wind whistled while birds fluttered in the sky above. Clouds slowly drifted overhead, not a care in the world. Tourists walked around on the island below him, failing to notice the turtle stuck on the structure above. He could barely make out the sound of the crowd from here.

Fear of heights be damned; this seemed like a reasonable time to be upset. Yet, he couldn’t muster up any emotion at all.

The ground was far too far away. (Hah.)

“Oh, fate, you’re a cruel mistress,” he sighed. He had heard Donnie say that once, and it felt appropriate.

He swung his katana again and stepped through the gateway it created.

Fool him once, shame on you. Send himself to a random location twice, shame on him.

The bright blue sky was a little too, well, bright for him at the moment. He shielded his eyes with his hand, looking at the city far away in the distance.

An expansive forest was behind him, the wet treetops indicating a storm had passed by recently. There was a trail up to the precipice he was currently on, but he doubted he was close enough to home to have an easy walk back.

Leo sat down on the cliff edge, unsure of why his sword sent him here of all places. 

So, it seemed like his portals didn’t want to cooperate. That’s fine, this had happened before. Honestly, this was better than the time he accidentally went to a volcano. Or when his portal appeared just to the left of the roof he was aiming for. He barely managed to make a portal before hitting the ground, but at least it’s a cool story.

Once he even woke up in a kidnapper’s basement somewhere in Europe. He thought they had knocked him out or something when he first got there, tying him up against a chair with rope. Luckily, they had severely underestimated his super-mutant abilities. Still weird though. Definitely not traumatic whatsoever, especially since the whole ordeal had only lasted an hour or so. 

(He still remembered the gut-punch of fear he felt after waking up in a dark room with no idea where he was.)

He didn’t think they were important enough to mention to his brothers. Just some regular, totally normal portal mishaps!

Whatever, it’s not as if his portals were faulty anymore. Except today, apparently.

This hadn’t happened in months. He had thought the practice he’d done had fixed his mystic issues, that he had mastered his magic. Clearly, he was wrong.

Maybe the months of training with Señor Hueso were for nothing. After all of that effort, all of those fights caused by him skipping morning training, all he had done to make Raph distrust him. It was useless, huh?

Worthless. It was all worthless. No use fighting back. Just give up, give in.

(“Well, pet-”)

Dammit, he needed to snap out of it. If he had another panic attack, Donnie would be notified. Then he’d see Leo is on the mother-fucking Statue of Liberty and freak the hell out.

He had to get back to the lair. Easy-peasy lemon-squeezy. No pressure, no sirree.

Now came the difficult choice: should he try portaling again or just go home on foot? Though it was risky, the answer was obvious when one of his brothers was waiting on him.

He just needed to focus. That must be the reason he popped up somewhere random.

(He knew it wasn’t, but didn’t think about it further. Denial is a river in Egypt after all, and as long as he didn’t appear there he’d be fine.)

Leo closed his eyes and imagined Mikey’s room. Slowly, warily, he spun open another portal.

He stepped through, crossing his fingers. ‘Please, please be home.’

When he walked through, his eyes automatically closed as he found himself splashing into water.

Shit.

He opened his eyes and, using his weird turtle eye membrane thingies, looked out to see…nothing. Nada. It was too dark to distinguish much of anything. 

Where the heck was he?

Rubbing his forehead, he huffed out a breath. Bubbles flowed out from his jaw, making Leo do a double take.

He bent down towards the ground, noticing that he was hovering a bit over it. After closer inspection, he could tell it was sand. Seaweed poked out in some spots, flowing gently.

Was he underwater?

Well, fuck.

Chapter Text

So…he had portalled underwater somehow. Great, just great.

It was almost kind of peaceful, actually. The darkness was pretty. It was like a scene from a movie, how nice. He thought it would’ve been lucky to end up here if he could feel something about it. If only he could take a picture.

The water clogged his ears, letting him exist in a beautiful silence. He rarely experienced this kind of quiet at home, with New York always bustling overhead.

Wait, how was he breathing? Though some turtles could breathe underwater, he and his brothers knew through experimentation that they could only hold their breath for longer than a human. 

Yet, he wasn’t choking or gagging on the salt water already in his nostrils. Did he remember to stop gasping for air, or was he unable to tell that he was?

Oh shit. He started gagging, body rejecting the liquid flooding his lungs. That wasn’t good.

Fuck. He needed to get out of here, but he couldn’t really think straight. His brain was buzzing, barely able to keep a coherent thought.

He was floating, floating endlessly. Stuck in hell forever. Fighting for breath as metal claws choked him, bubbles floating from his open mouth.

His energy was fading away quickly. Maybe the water was colder than the Prison Dimension. Was he going to go into brumation?

All of the work he put into being better was going down the drain—pun intended. Fuck. What was the point of it all? He was still stupid, childish, arrogant Leo. Why did he bother when he would always be fucking Leonardo Hamato?

Dammit, this isn’t how he wanted to go out. Even if he wasn’t worthy of it, he had wished to go out with a bang. Maybe while saving the whole world, the portal closing behind him in an explosion of light. 

Not as a corpse in the ocean, decaying until he was eventually just a pile of bones buried in the sand.

If the others pieced together what happened- oh god if Mikey did, that would wreck them.

He didn’t want blood on his little bro’s hands.

‘Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck-‘

Okay, Leo needed a plan and fast. 

Futilely, he tried swishing his sword. He couldn’t move it enough to even start a portal. Wait, that might not have even worked since he’s underwater.

He started to flail around, attempting to swim up to the surface despite knowing he was too deep down. As expected, he failed.

He couldn’t even see the sun from down here. Was he going to drown in the middle of nowhere? 

‘What do I do what do I do oh my god oh my god.’

An idea hit him. He could teleport to his other sword, the one he left at home. 

Mustering all of the strength he had as his vision began to blur, Leo began to glow a familiar blue.

He closed his eyes, hoping for the best.

Leo hacked out the water, eyes shut tightly.

He leaned against his bedroom wall, unable to focus on anything else. No other sensations besides the taste of the beach on his tongue.

After a while, he finally ran out of water to cough up. He wiped his mouth with his arm and laid his head on his shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

Leo flinched at the voice, unaware someone was watching his pathetic display. 

“Oh, uh. When did you get here?” He asked disjointedly. 

Donnie’s eyebrows squished together. “I’ve been here the whole time, Nardo.”

Dang. He was praying his twin had only just shown up so that he could save face.

He tried to sit up more, but his body was weak and uncooperative. 

“You never answered my question,” Donnie squinted at him suspiciously. “Are you all right?”

“Yep, right as rain,” Leo joked.

His twin sucked in a frustrated breath. “So, dear brother, care to tell me why the fuck you were in the Atlantic Ocean?”

Leo froze like a deer in headlights. “Haha, uhm. Sorry, portal mishap.”

“Por- Portal mishap?!” Donnie shouted. “Does that happen often? Should we be concerned for your safety while you use your mystic powers?”

“Re-lax, amigo. I was just tired and wasn’t paying attention. No need to worry.”

Donnie's eyes widened. “What the fuck? Don’t tell me not to worry, bitch. You almost fucking died!”

Yeeshhhh. Don only cursed when he was really upset. None of the brothers wanted to face Raph’s wrath for foul language.

“Well, I didn’t,” Leon responded curtly. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Who was the one coughing up water a second ago?” Donatello raised an eyebrow.

“This usually doesn’t happen. It was just an off day.”

Donnie verbally scoffed. “As if I’m letting you near your swords after this.”

“I don’t need your permission to use my magic,” he snapped back. Leo reached back to grab his phone, but a hand stopped him.

“Hold on. What’s so important that you can’t wait until after we finish this conversation?”

“I was trying to portal to Mike’s room, but that obviously didn’t work out. I’m gonna text him that I’m sorry for being late.”

“Oh no you don’t,” Mikey walked in grumpily. “We’re talking about you right now.”

Leo waved his hand, gesturing to his little brother. “Speak of the doctor and he shall appear.”

“Why didn’t you come to my room? I was waiting there for like ten minutes.” 

Leo frowned. “Sorry, I was on my way. I really didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”

Mikey rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure. You tooootally weren’t just trying to avoid telling me you went out on patrol this morning.”

Recognition flashed in Leo’s eyes. Ah. Donnie had covered for him so Raph wouldn’t find out, but he must have told Mikey. 

“I forgot to text you. My bad,” Leo said apologetically.

“Bull. You’re not sorry at all,” Mikey cut in. “You promised you would let me know!”

“It slipped my mind, really.” He put up his hands defensively.

He really would’ve told him. It was an honest mistake. Though, he understood why they didn’t trust him. 

“Cough cough,” Donnie covered his mouth with his hand. “Miguel, I don’t know if you heard, but our idiot brother just had a near-death experience.”

“It wasn’t that bad!” Leo lied through his teeth. “Just a little whoopsie-daisy, no biggie.”

“Wait, what?” Mikey’s face fell. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t go to your room or respond to your text,” Leo rubbed the back of his head apologetically. “Got a little…caught up with stuff. Water under the bridge though, right?” He smiled mischievously as the youngest stared at him in horror. Ouch, probably not his best.

Donnie’s hands balled up into fists. “Don’t joke about this, Leo.”

“I-”

“Shut the fuck up. Do you know how terrified I felt? When I got the alert about your vitals, I assumed it was because of a panic attack. After I ran to your room and found it empty, I checked and saw you were in the mother-fucking Atlantic.”

“Oh, right. You can see that on your chips,” Leo said dumbly.

“Yes, I can. I could only watch as your oxygen levels got dangerously low. What was I supposed to do, fly out there and save you? I was going to try your sword, but you came back right before I could.”

Mikey watched him with wide eyes.

“All that is to say,” Donnie barreled on. “I do not believe you should be portaling right now. If you getting distracted could result in your demise, it’s better not to risk it.”

“Nope,” he popped the ‘p’. “I’m going to use them and you can’t stop me.” 

“I’ve been developing mystic energy sensors, so of course I can stop you!” 

“Nuh uh.”

“Yes, I can.”

“Nuh uh.”

“Yes, I-”

“What if!” Mikey shouted over their quarreling. “What if we talk to Barry? Maybe he can figure out what’s wrong.”

Everything felt off in an instant, like trying to look at the world upside down. He kind of felt like he was watching himself from outside his body despite being forced to keep living in it.

“Yeah, no. There’s no way I’m going to talk to that goat man about anything.”

Mikey pouted at that. “You should! He could really help, I’m sure of it. And don’t say he thr-”

“He threw me off a roof!” Leo objected.

“And he’s a changed yokai!”

“It’s either that or I confiscate your swords,” Donnie shrugged.

He sputtered, trying to find a way to turn this around. “You can’t do that! I know what I’m doing; I trained for months.“

“You? Train?” Donnie teased absentmindedly, but then paused. “Hold up, did you actually train? But didn’t you always blow off morning sessions?”

“Oh, uh.” Shit, he shouldn’t have let that slip. They really didn’t need to know how long it took for him to master his magic. It was really embarrassing. (The amount of times he nearly died while practicing wasn’t relevant.)

“Is that what Hueso was talking about that one time?” Mikey wondered. “I remember he brought up being impressed by how much you’ve improved.”

“Psh, you think Hueso of all people would say that?” Leo laughed. “I think you’re misremembering whatever happened, hermano.”

“Ah, if only I had been there to record everything.” Mikey and Leo glared at him. “I mean…if only I hadn’t…?”

“Whatever,” Mikey dismissed. “Point is, you almost died! You should be grateful we haven’t told Raph yet, mister.”

“Where is he, anyway?” Leo questioned, hoping to veer them off topic.

“Training. But don’t you try and distract us!” His little brother- no, Doctor Delicate Touch responded.

“Actually, maybe we should tell Raph,” Donnie suggested, much to Leo’s chagrin. “I’m sure he wants to be informed of one of his little brothers nearly perishing.”

Leo groaned. “But then Raph’s gonna be such a mother-hen about it! He’s got enough on his plate, leave him alone.”

“No, no, Donnie’s right. He has the right to know.”

“Tell Raph what?” The eldest pushed through the curtain with a confused look on his face.

Amazing. Spectacular timing.

“Pizza Supreme, is everyone in this house summoned by saying their name?” Leo whined, putting his face in his hands. “What’s next? If I say dad’s name three times, will he appear like a ghost?”

(Oh no, don’t think about Splinter dying. They all could’ve during the invasion.)

“Raph could hear your shouting from across the lair, even over my workout playlist. Couldn’t tell if it was good yelling or bad yelling, so I came in to check on you guys.”

So he had interrupted Raph chilling. Great, another thing to add onto the slip up pile.

“Welcome to the ‘Leo fu-” he cut himself off, glancing at Raph. “-messed up club,’ where we all harp on one mistake I made and make a big deal about it.”

Donnie rolled his eyes. “That’s not what this is. We’re trying to help you-”

“Clearly it isn’t working!” Leo snapped. “I made a mistake, okay? I’m sorry. I don’t know what else you want from me.”

“To not die!” Mikey screamed, shocking everybody around him. The air was sucked out of the room instantly. It made Leo feel a little less grounded, not in control of the situation.

The silence dragged on with no one daring to say a word. He had forgotten how to function, how to puppet the meat suit he called skin. Can’t be a puppet without a puppeteer, can’t be a toy without an owner.

Hah, like a pet. 

Mikey was about to say something, but looked at him and changed his mind. “Leo, your hands are bleeding.” He looked down to see his nails squeezing red crescents into his palms. They matched his face.

Both were probably a horrific sight to see, bloody and marred. He wondered if the scars Prime had scratched into his stripes had healed yet.

Leo shrugged lightly, remembering after a few seconds that he was supposed to respond. Though, he wasn’t sure what kind they needed. Did they want him to shut up and nod, cry and scream, or beg on his broken knees? He would do whatever it took to make them happy.

They continued to speak, but the words floated through his brain without comprehension.

“I don’t know what to do. Every time I have a serious conversation with him he ends up triggered. I know I’m not the best person to go to for emotional needs, but did I really do that bad?”

“No! It’s not you Dee, it’s Leo. As in, he’s definitely not doing well. Even I’m not sure what to do this time.”

“Raph doesn’t know how to help. I’ve tried to cheer him up, but he just brushes me off.”

“Should we be talking about this in front of him while he’s like this?”

“Shoot, we need to support him! Let me think, what’s this called again? I know I found the name for it when I looked it up…”

“Forget the name. Raph says we should just try to calm him down.”

“Agreed, that seems like the most efficient strategy. We can discuss this another time.”

“Maybe we could hold an intervention on…”

Their voices drifted away, fading into the background. Leo couldn’t hear anything over the ringing in his head. Did he have another concussion, or was he just out of it? Leo couldn’t think clearly enough to check. He was likely just losing his mind, that’s all.

He closed his eyes, waiting for Prime to inevitably find him. If he was asleep when it happened, at least he didn’t have to deal with as much dread.

Chapter Text

Leo was alone, laying on his side. His head was foggy. Where was he?

He stared at the gray wall in front of him, unable to distinguish if it was rock or metal. Frankly, he wasn’t even sure how long he had been looking at it. Time had passed by as slow as a dead man’s heartbeat. 

He tried to turn over to figure out his location, but his body refused. All he could manage was a singular twitch of his arm. It didn’t even feel like his own. Scratch that, he couldn’t even feel it. Odd, sure, but it didn’t alarm him for some reason.

From over his shoulder he could hear trashy techno music playing behind him. The rapid clicks of keys on top of that made it clear Donnie was with him.

Why was his twin with him? He had gone into hell alone- No, not alone. He had Prime to keep him company, as much as that’s worth.

If Dee was here, that meant he was safe. His brothers were much stronger than him, better in every way. Even if they hated him, they wouldn’t want the blame for his death.

He closed his eyes, aware that he wouldn’t die on their watch. 

(They wouldn’t care about his pleas to anyway.)

Alone. Leo was alone. Alone in the dark hovel He had put him in.

His brothers had left him here to rot. He used to feel upset about that, but he knew now. 

Prime would come back soon. Leo didn’t want to play another game. He didn’t want to feel metal claws scrape his neck while he gasped for air. He didn’t want to run into the void—not too far, pest—and hide from thundering footsteps. He didn’t want to cry as he was told stories that couldn’t hadtobemustbehesaystheyre true. 

Yet, he was apathetic to the torment. It should scare him. Why wasn’t it? 

Maybe he knew his place now. Maybe he’d finally learned his lesson.

The door clanked open, red light pouring into the room. 

“Leo?”

‘Don’t fight back. Do what you must. Be what he wants. If you succeed, you may make him happy. You could get your reward. The hug may be cold and uncomfortable, but it’s better than nothing.’

“Wake up.”

Leo’s eyes snapped open, breath coming in heavy pants. He looked over to see his twin. 

His twin. His twin, his twin, his twin. He wasn’t alone. Leo wasn’t alone anymore.

Donnie would protect him. Even if Leo didn’t understand why, he would. 

Donnie’s shoulder felt like nothing under his chin. He didn’t know when he was pulled into his brother’s arms, couldn’t feel their hold.

And yet, he knew he was safe. He knew he was okay.

Leo drifted away again. To sleep or to the corner in his head, he wasn’t sure.

Groggily, Leo rubbed at his eyes. He couldn’t remember when he had gone to bed through the just-woken-up confusion.

He sat up and stretched his arms without thinking about it. The disconnect of seeing his arms moving and not feeling it woke him up quickly. 

Unexpectedly, he heard a groan behind him. He looked over to see Donnie asleep next to him, head in his arms atop the covers. Their position looked uncomfortable to say the least, and they had even forgotten to take off their mask.

Leo grabbed his phone to check the time. Turning it on, his screen displayed a concerning eight thirty. Damn, he didn’t have that much time to get ready.

He opened up his messages on his old autopilot. Since he hadn’t used his phone much recently, he hadn’t had the chance to break the habit. Whatever, a couple minutes to get up to date wouldn’t hurt.

As he flicked through twitter, news about post-invasion recovery kept showing up on his feed. Normally it would send him into an anxious spiral, but it’s fine.

One woman did an interview about how her husband died in Metro Tower. Another was a mother whose children never came home that day. A family downtown lost their home and was living in a shelter.

On and on and on it went. Depressing story after depressing story. 

Then, he stumbled on a thread about the famous ‘heroes of New York.’ It was odd knowing quite a few people knew of their existence now. Mutants hadn’t had the best rep as of late—what with Meat Sweats and Hypno and the like robbing banks and causing trouble—so public opinion was divided.

Were they saviors or at fault? The government had claimed all the credit for stopping the attack, but most citizens were skeptical of that at best. 

…Apparently there was even a niche internet cult surrounding him and his brothers. Noted.

Leo knew he didn’t deserve any of the credit. He fucked up and started the whole thing to begin with. If anything, he just wished he could come out and say that.

Oops, he had been doomscrolling for too long. Twelve minutes had already gone by.

As he pushed off the blankets, he heard a grumble from Sleepy-Tello. “Mmmrgh…five more minutes…”

“You can sleep in Don-bon, it’s fine,” Leo whispered sweetly while slipping his phone into his pocket.

For a moment that seemed to pacify him, but then Donnie’s head shot up. He bumped into Leo’s chin and made a sound at the pain. 

“You are not going out on patrol again,” Donnie demanded. “There’s no way you can convince-“

“I’m not going on patrol,” Leo said simply. “April ‘n Casey and I have plans.”

Donnie blinked, dumbfounded. Leo seemed to be constantly catching them off guard nowadays. “You’re…oh.”

“Yeah.” 

His twin looked away awkwardly. The blue-clad turtle reached for his swords, but a hand grabbed his wrist. 

Leo gave him a confused look. “What? Oh right, I’ll make sure to text Raph and Angie so they don’t freak out either.”

“That’s- Actually, that would be nice too. Still, I was actually wondering if you could ask April to have Mayhem bring you over?” Donnie asked, eyebrows pinched. “It would…uhm…”

He was floundering for an excuse, so Leo decided to finish for him. “You want Mayhem to teleport me so that I don’t have to use my swords?”

Donnie fidgeted with his hoodie cuff. “Yes. I know you know how to use your powers well, but I would rather not risk it after yesterday.”

“Okay,” Leo shrugged. He couldn’t care in the first place, but he didn’t mind giving in when Donnie said he knows he’s competent. Can’t complain about unfounded trust after not earning it. 

Dee looked surprised at him letting it go so easily. “Great. Thank you, brother dearest.”

“Awww, are you calling me your favorite brother?” Leo teased.

“That’s-” Donnie, instead of arguing like usual, sighed tiredly. “It’s too early for this.”

“It’s almost nine!” Leo objected. 

“Tell April I say hi,” he mumbled into the pillow, turning away from his brother.

Leo grabbed out his phone and texted his sister.

‘Neon Leon: hey apes, can u get mayham to tp me over? don’s bein annoyinf’

‘APRIL O’NEILLL: Sure, lemme wake him up lol’

He hoped this wouldn’t have to be a regular thing. It’s not as if he wanted to be ferried around by a pet all the time…

Wait, maybe that’s how his brothers felt. Yeah, that makes more sense. Having your dog be the one to get you places is pretty weird.

Ohhhhhh, so that’s why they were pretending to be all upset about him almost dying. They just wanted an excuse to not use his portals. Plus, Mayhem got into trouble a few times. He could understand why his bros didn’t want a repeat of the mirror incident.

Leo just wished they would be more direct about their needs. It’s a pain to have to psychoanalyze everything they said 24/7. 

He heard a magical ting from behind him. Mayhem popped onto his twin and barked. Donnie groaned from underneath him and shoved the covers over his head.

“Hi Mayhem,” he whispered. The little yokai smiled at him and, in the blink of an eye, they were both magically brought to April’s apartment.

“Heya Leo!” April greeted warmly. “You’re up early.”

“Well, you know what they say: early turtle wins the race.” He winked at her. “Where’s Casey?”

“He’s getting ready. I told him to go put on whatever he wanted, but he’s probably overthinking it. Poor kid doesn’t know the first thing about modern fashion.”

“And you do? You’ve had the same sense of style for like seven years.”

She scoffed. “It’s tried and true. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

Leo rolled his eyes fondly. “Repeating a bunch of old sayings doesn’t make it any more believable.”

He sat down on her bed, listening to it squeak under his weight.

(Too much. He was still too much. Too heavy.)

His eyes scanned over the room, checking to see if April put up any new posters. Though Mikey went through interests like hot potatoes—did that make sense?—April usually stuck to the same shows.

“Commander, I believe I’m good to go!” CJ opened the door and looked shocked to see Leo already there. “Oh hey, Sen- Leo! I thought we were supposed to meet up at 9? Did I get the time wrong?”

“Nope! I just woke up early, that’s all,” Leo pat the younger’s back. “Now then, are you ready for a day of past appreciation?”

“Ew, that sounds like a lame spirit week dress code,” April commented.

“Okay, what would you call it then?” Leo snarked back.

“Hmmm,” April rubbed her chin dramatically. “Future Boy’s Fantastic Journey Through the Present?”

“What’s the plan, anyway?” CJ cut off their argument. “I’m just wondering what I should expect.”

April pulled out her phone. “Well, since Leo over there didn’t contribute any ideas-”

“You never asked!”

“-I took the liberty of making a plan. First, I say we go to this cool art museum.” She showed a picture of the place in question. “Then, we could go hang out at the park and chill. I know Leo suggested Mexican, but I’m a broke college student and he’s a mutant turtle who freeloads in the sewers. So, I thought ice cream would be better and cheaper.”

“Sounds good to me!” Leo cheered. “What’dya say, Case?”

“Uh, sure!” CJ responded enthusiastically, giving them an awkward thumbs up.

Maybe today would be a good day for once. Really, it didn’t matter if it was good for Leo. All he cared about was that the other two were happy.

Chapter Text

The group wandered around the white halls, marveling at the intricate designs. Leo was wearing an old hoodie he borrowed from April. Casey’s steps were quick and purposeful, like some guy in the military.

Not too far off from the truth, anyway.

Leading the way was April with her phone and digital map in hand. The place was crowded, but not overly so. That was something Leo was thankful for, since he wouldn’t want Casey getting overstimulated.

Finally, they reached the entryway to the ancient art section.

“Hey Apples, why are we going to all the medieval stuff? Shouldn’t we show CJ all the cool modern art beforehand?”

“I don’t mind either way,” Casey raised his hands defensively. “Whatever you guys prefer is fine with me.”

They passed an odd-looking statue of a distorted naked person. It wasn’t exactly Leo’s cup of tea, but he’d learned from Mikey to never diss someone else’s art. Unless it was someone who tried to ‘fix’ another person’s art without asking, of course. Angelo was very adamant about that not being okay.

“Well, I doubt most of this junk survived the apocalypse,” she shrugged. “I’d bet on some newer stuff being created, but these probably wouldn’t be priority.”

The other human looked over at her with wide eyes. “Wow, Comm- April. How did you guess all that?”

“I’m smart like that,” she replied, flipping her hair puffs. “Just like how I know that this isn’t medieval, Leo. Different time period.”

“Oh no, woe is me,” Leo rested one hand on his forehead and the other on his heart. “How will I ever survive without all of the boring shit you learned in public school? The horror, knowing that I never had to memorize maps of Asia in their entirety.”

April shuddered. “Geography quizzes were a nightmare. Once I fully memorized the countries in relation to each other, and then the teacher gave us the test with two different maps! One was more zoomed in than the other. It was terrible.”

“But isn’t geography essential?” CJ questioned. “You need to know escape routes or hiding spots so you can escape at a moment’s notice.”

The older siblings gave each other a look that asked ‘do we tell him?’

“Right,” Casey smiled awkwardly. “That’s not a thing here.”

“It’s still important!” April argued. “I make sure to have an escape route when I hang out with Dee in case he gets overstimulated.”

“Oh yeah! Uncle Dee was the only one who had a pass to leave whenever during war meetings. They could get pretty boring, Sensei said.”

“Woah, what’s that thing?” Leo pointed at an old canteen shaped like a fox. “Hey, it kinda looks like Mayhem!”

“Not every weird cat thing is Mayhem,” April grumbled. “How would you feel if I compared you to every turtle?”

“You already do! Remember the tortoise stuffed animal you got me when I was eight? You compared a basic thing like that to moi.”

“I was ten! Can you blame me?”

“Is that a turtle over there?” Casey pointed towards a teal-tinted human sculpture innocently.

April and Leo stared at him blankly.

“Casey Jones Junior, what the fuck do you think a turtle looks like-”

“Welcome, Casey, to the world of modern art.” Leo gestured widely to the paintings surrounding them.

CJ squinted at it, fidgeting with his clothes. They walked toward a large paint splatter with a golden frame.

“What do you think?” Leo asked the kid. “Is it all you hoped it would be?”

The boy opened his mouth and then closed it, debating on what to say. 

“…I see why Master Donatello started an argument over it with Master Michelangelo fight about it a few years ago.”

April burst out laughing, causing a few other patrons to glance at her. After a moment, she was able to tone down her manic fit to quiet giggles. She wiped a tear from her eye. “Man, they were still fighting about it in the future? During the apocalypse?!”

“Wait, what?” Leo interjected, out of the loop. “What are you talking about?”

“Donnie and Mikey had this big argument over if modern art is real art. It lasted for almost an hour. Trust me, I was there.” She rolled her eyes. “They got so heated that they’ve refused to talk about it since. Correction, Splints banned them from talking about it.”

“During their fight, Master Michelangelo threw a chair.”

April stopped dead in her tracks. Leo’s head spun around to face him. “…What.”

“It was only because Uncle Dee had made a ninpo gun.”

“What?!”

The group entered an area full of actual medieval artifacts. Suits of armor stood proudly in their places, some even riding metal horses. Shields sparkled in the light on the wall they were hung upon. 

A young boy pointed at an old sword. “Deedee, look!” They called out to their parent. “Look at the cool sword! I want one!”

“Maybe when you’re older, Timmy,” their guardian chuckled. 

April spun around, taking in the view. “Look at all this! There’s so much stuff here.”

“Wow,” CJ gaped. “All of this gear is so…”

“Awesome?” Leo suggested.

“Prehistoric,” he finished. “I mean, don’t you see this stuff? You definitely don’t want that much metal weighing you down when you go into battle! Besides, the Kraang could pierce through that anyway. What’s the point?”

Leo laughed and patted CJ on the back. “Well, when you’re fighting a bunch of other humans with swords, that works a bit better.”

The kid hummed in agreement. “Fair. Still, I’m surprised by how simple they are.”

“Damn, you’re dissing dead people who lived hundreds of years ago?” April teased. “That’s cold, Jones.”

“In my opinion, I think they’re cool.” Leo gestured to the swords display. “Look at those puppies! They’re amazing! I kinda wish I had one.”

Leo glanced at them mischievously from the corner of his eyes. He took slow, over-exaggerated steps towards the case.

April gave him a judgemental glare. “Leo. Don’t you remember that time Todd made you guys gardening tools? Do you really want to do that with these prized pieces of history?”

Leo paused, thinking it over. Huffing indignantly, he trudged back towards his friends. “Boo. You guys are no fun.”

“I can see the headline now,” April swung a hand over her head. “Mutant transforms museum artifact, riot forms in fury.”

“Do people really care that much?” Leo questioned.

“Some do. Like, say, the ones who spent millions of dollars to get this stuff.”

“Touché. That makes it sound more fun.”

“No, Leo. Bad Leo.” April laughed, obviously joking. (Or was she? Maybe subtle training, like what He did. Either way, he didn’t want to upset her.)

“Why is that sword so wobbly?” Casey asked to the left of them. “It looks like they were drunk while making it.”

Leo chuckled, putting an arm behind CJ’s neck. “That’s what we call a ‘human-opener.’ It’s meant to cut open someone’s guts as painfully as possible.”

Casey looked at him, face scrunched up. “…You’re messing with me.”

“Yeah, duh,” he flicked Casey’s forehead. “I pulled that shit out of my ass. I have no clue why it looks like a toddler made it.”

“Oh no.”

They walked into a room that was a bit more crowded than the previous ones. Though the paintings were beautiful, Casey looked freaked out.

“What’s wrong?” Leo asked him, concerned. (Or, with as much concern as he could fake.)

“Sorry, it’s not a big deal,” CJ turned his eyes away. “We can keep going.”

“Nuh-uh,” April said decisively. “I want to make sure you’re having a good time. What’s the issue?”

The kid’s shoulders hunched. “I left my headphones at home, and it's kind of…”

Her eyes flashed with recognition. “Overstimulating?” He nodded minutely. “Dang it, I should’ve thought of that. Hey Leo, do you think-” she cut herself off. “Right. No swords.”

Leo knew how useless he was without his swords. He wished he had learned how to make portals without conduits, but it seemed impossible. If he wasn’t such a slow learner, he would have figured it out by now. “Sorry.”

“All good. I’ll just call Mayhem.”

“Mayhem has a phone?” Leo implored. 

“Nah, I had Donnie make him a mini communicator to talk with him on. You can too, if you want. He’s the last person on the channel.”

“Huh.” He wasn’t expecting that.

She pressed a button on the device on her wrist. “Hey Mayhem, could you drop off CJ’s headphones. They’re…” April glanced at the fellow human.

“On the table, probably.” He shrugged.

“On the table,” she finished. Leo could faintly hear a bark on the other line. “Thanks, you’re the best. Love you!”

April turned off the microphone and looked at Casey. He gave her a grateful thumbs up.

“Let’s head out into the hallway while we wait,” Leo suggested. “I saw a bench over there.”

“Sounds good,” CJ agreed. 

Even after CJ’s headphones were delivered happily by Mayhem, Leo was still thinking about it. He wasn’t able to help, couldn’t assist in any way. 

It was like the invasion all over again. He tried his best to show off, get the key, save Raph, save the world, but everything he did was wrong. By showing off, he let the foot win. Because he went for the key, Raph was captured and brutally scarred. After saving the world, his brothers were furious with him. His actions caused Mikey to get hurt.

The only time his actions held weight was…there. All alone, except for one terrible roommate. One who watched his every move and judged him. Punishments were horrid, sure, but at least it was only him getting hit.

Maybe he should’ve stayed-

“Hey Leo, look at this portrait!” April called out. “Do you see this girl’s face? She’s staring into my soul, Lee!”

Leo hurried over to try and entertain his sister. If he couldn’t change the past, at least he could better the present for everyone else.

“Wait, wait, let’s guess what the names are before we read them,” Leo decided. 

“That sounds fun! I’m in,” April agreed. CJ nodded his head as well. “Let’s see who can get the most right. I bet Leo’s going to lose.”

“Nuh uh! Here’s the first one,” Leo pointed at a European painting of a bunch of people holding children. So, so many children. “I think it’s called ‘Babies Galore.’ No one should have that many kids, I swear.”

Casey hummed, thinking. “I’m betting it’s ‘The Struggles of Parenthood.’ Even one baby can be a handful, so maybe the artist is trying to represent that?”

“Well, since it’s a European painting, I think it’s something religious,” April explained. “Something something ‘Children of Christ.’”

Leo stepped closer to read the name. “Aww, no fair! How did you guess that, April?”

April looked at the nameplate. “Oh wow, I was really close! I guess all that time in public school spent on dumb shit came in handy.”

“My question is,” Casey started. “Why is there so many naked people paintings in here? I thought the ancient Aztec sculptures covered that already.”

The turtle patted CJ’s back. “Oh, Casey, Casey, Casey. You sweet summer child. Dead people are really horny.”

“Actually, it’s-” April attempted to correct him.

“Erm, actually, it’s blah blah blah nerd junk blah blah blah,” Leo taunted. “Save the school stuff for school.”

“We’re in a museum! Don’t you want to learn?”

“Not really, no.”

“I do,” Casey said cheerfully.

“See, Leo?” April asked triumphantly. “You’re outnumbered. Come on, CJ. I’ll go tell you about that ‘nerd junk’ over there. We’ll leave this Neanderthal to his ignorance.”

Casey skipped beside April as she walked away.

Oh no, did Leo mess up? He hadn’t meant to. Did he take the teasing too far? Did April hate him now? What should he do? Should he leave? Would that be rude? Was he not reading them right? What-

“You coming, Sensei?” Casey questioned, worried.

Leo’s head shot up. “Yeah! Just admiring the art you two so rudely ignored.”

April jokingly sighed and waved him over. He joined them quickly, swinging his elbow around Casey’s.

When they got to the photo room, April immediately went solo to see if there was any story she could find in them. Though she wasn’t a photographer herself, she appreciated them since they helped elevate news articles and coverage.

Leo wandered around until he found Casey. He stared intently at one of the old photographs, mesmerized. Leo stepped over, careful to make his presence known. 

“Cool picture?” Leo implored.

The boy flinched, startled. “No-no, it’s not that.” 

Leo raised an ‘eyebrow’ and waited for him to continue.

Casey looked back at the photo. “It’s just so…They managed to preserve so much. There’s so much art and culture captured here. And this isn’t even the only place! You can find museums for just about anything across the world.”

“But…?”

“But it doesn’t matter. Not like it did in the future, anyway. This is just a tourist attraction. Can you believe that?” He gestured wildly at the room. “All of this is inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. Most people don’t even care. In the apocalypse, people would have killed to have stuff like this! Even a CD from the nineties was amazing to them. To me. Yet it’s just a normal, unremarkable thing here.”

“It isn’t special like it was back home, was it?” Leo replied without thinking. The boy’s face morphed from relief to grief to something else.

Casey sighed. “I know I’m supposed to feel like this—the past—is my home now. That this is so much better and I can freely enjoy it without death looming over my shoulder. But it’s-…It’s not my home!” His eyes began to sparkle in the light with unshed tears.

“You miss your family, don’t you?” Casey’s head shot up. “And you don’t have to try and say it’s fine, don’t worry. I get it. We’re your family too, but we’re not the people you grew up with. I’m sorry that we can’t give them back to you.”

From next to him, Leo heard Casey sniff quietly. He put an arm around the kids shoulders and pulled him close. Close enough to be comforting but also loose enough that CJ could escape if he wanted to.

Tears fell down Casey’s cheeks as they watched the pictures. He tried to silence his sniffles, but clearly it didn’t work.

“Y’know, that guy looks like Snape,” Leo pointed out. The other gave him a questioning look. “Like, from Harry Potter? Wait, did future us not educate you on the wizarding world?”

Casey shrugged. “No, it didn’t come up much. Lou Jitsu did sometimes, but hearing about his ‘cool ninja moves’ wasn’t as interesting as seeing them.”

“Sounds like you need to have a Lou Jitsu movie marathon with the fam,” Leo suggested.

“All right,” he agreed. “By the way, would you want to head to the park now?”

“Sure!” Leo thought about something for a moment before he asked. “Also, would you want me to make a song playlist for you? I know your Sensei isn’t here to make you one now, but I can put in all the songs I bet he would’ve wanted you to listen to.”

“Really?” CJ’s voice wobbled. “You would do that for me?”

“Of course, Case.” He smiled at him warmly.

“Woah, that guy looks like Snape!” April exclaimed from behind them. “Wow, it- Hey, are you okay?”

“Better now, Commander.” CJ saluted her. “Are you ready to go get some frozen treats?”

“Sir, yes sir,” April answered, saluting him back.

“Dorks.” Leo fondly rolled his eyes.

Chapter Text

“What kind of ice cream are you gonna get?” Leo asked April. 

They walked down the dirt pathway in the park, taking in the view. Although it was usually quite boring for them, Casey being there made it ten times better. The kid looked at everything like it was made of rainbows and was in awe by the sight of dandelions.

“Chocolate, duh,” she scoffed. “I always get chocolate, so I don’t know why you have to ask.”

“What should I get?” Casey questioned hesitantly.

“Chocolate,” they answered in unison, chuckling at the synchronization. 

“It’s a good starter flavor,” Leo argued. “The best of the basics, in my correct opinion. Unless you’re into bland ol’ vanilla like Donnie.”

“Hey, vanilla is good in its own right. You’re just too adventurous.”

“Well I’m sorry that I like to try a new flavor every time. Forgive me for being an ice cream connoisseur.” Leo crossed his arms with a huff.

“Speaking of,” Casey said. “I think I’m going to get vanilla, but what about you Leo?”

Leo opened his mouth to speak, but closed it. He hadn’t thought about whether he was getting anything or not. For some reason, he assumed he wouldn’t. Though it would be suspicious to refuse, he really wasn’t hungry.

(He didn’t know if he was hungry. His thoughts kept chanting about how much he needed to eat, yet the lack of physical cues made it feel silly.)

“I’m not hungry. I’ll have something at home.” He shrugged nonchalantly.

April stopped walking and turned to face him. “Nope. You’re getting something, mister. I bet you didn’t even have breakfast this morning.”

Leo gave her an embarrassed smile. “How’d you know?”

“I know you,” she snarked lightheartedly. “Just like I know that you need some ice cream.”

“I don’t know…”

Casey looked at him with a heartbroken expression on his face. “Please, Sensei? Pleeeeease?”

Leo could say no. The puppy eyes had no effect on him. And yet, he found himself inclined to concede. He wasn’t sure why, but he supposed it’s just because it would make them happy.

“Fine. I’ll get chocolate,” Leo agreed, sighing.

“What, no Baja blast or Swiss surprise? You aren’t going to pick the most crazy thing on the menu?” He gave her a look that said ‘don’t push it.’ She backed off immediately. Instead, April turned to Casey. “And damn little dude, those eyes were killer. You’ve gotta teach me sometime, especially since Angie won’t.”

“Of course. Who do you think I got it from, anyway?” He winked. “I learned from the best.”

“Mikey taught you and not me?!” Leo gasped, affronted.

Leo and Casey sat on a bench while April went into the ice cream shop. Birds chirped noisily above their heads. The slider leaned back, relaxed as he could be, while the human had his back straight attentively. 

CJ’s gaze was distant as he zoned out staring at the grass. It swayed gently in the wind, picturesque. Leo had missed this. 

(If only he felt something now.)

“Hey, Leo?” Casey asked quietly. He fiddled with his hands awkwardly.

“What’s up?” Leo asked, tilting his body towards the other and sitting up.

The air whistled in their ears. Casey’s hair blew over his face, requiring him to push it out of his face every minute or so.

“Do you ever feel…out of place? Like you don’t belong?”

A snort escaped Leo. “Yep. Pretty often, actually.” Nope, nope, too personal. Too close to the truth. “I mean, I’m a mutant turtle for Pete-za’s sake! That’s not exactly ordinary.”

“Really?” CJ questioned, confusion evident on his face. “But yokai are around too. It’s not that weird, right?”

“Well, yeah, but New Yorkers don’t really know about that, Case.” He laughed. “Oh man, imagine if they were though. Maybe we could’ve grown up in a normal apartment instead of the sewers.”

“Huh. I guess things were pretty different before the apocalypse. In the future, we didn’t have time to care about what anyone was. What mattered most was making it to tomorrow.”

“Can’t be too picky when you’re running out of options,” Leo shrugged. 

“It’s not that,” Casey argued. “Or, that wasn’t the whole reason. Most people accepted one another for survival, but eventually it became the norm. Especially after the EPF collapsed. Really, you and your family were an inspiration for everyone.”

Leo’s eyes grew wide automatically. “But we were just- weren’t there other people who led the Resistance? I assumed that we must have controlled a large section, not the whole army.”

Casey scoffed. “Of course you guys led the Resistance! You and your brothers were in the highest ranks. My Sensei was the leader of the whole operation. I wasn’t lying when I said you were the greatest ninja the world has ever seen.”

He didn’t know how to feel about that. Him? The leader? No way. It must have been because his future self was so much better than the Leo of now. CJ had said it himself when they were buried in rubble together.

“I’m ba-aaack!” His sister sang joyfully. She handed both of them their dishes, little plastic spoons sticking out from the mounds of sugar. Casey went to take a bite. “Wait a sec! I need to pull out my phone. This one’s going into the history books.”

He gave her a goofy embarrassed smile. April whipped out her device and started recording widescreen. 

“Come on, Case! Give it a go!” Leo grinned at him. 

Casey scooped up a bit on his spoon and hesitantly raised it up to his mouth. After taking a bite, his face was frozen for only a second before it lit up.

“Wow!” CJ exclaimed. “This is even better than that expired Twinkie I had once!”

“I would hope so,” April nudged him, turning off the camera. “That sounds rank. Even if you chose the second best, I’m glad you like it.”

“You’re ranking vanilla as second best?” Leo protested.

“No, just the second best starter.” She shrugged. “If you’re going to hate on his pick, how about you rate yours?”

“Oh, uh. Sure,” Leo agreed. He had forgotten about doing the whole bit—usually he’d announce his rating like a game show host and give every scoop a scathing review. 

He took a bite. It tasted…fine. Leo couldn’t care either way. It was just something he ate to make his family happy.

“Well?” Casey asked excitedly.

“It’s okay. Not bad, but not anything noteworthy. Good chocolate.” 

April looked surprised. “What, no number rating? Where’s Leo Ramsey and what did you do with him?”

“Relax,” he placated. “I’m just tired today. Sorry I can’t make it more interesting.”

“It’s okay,” Casey told him immediately. “I can fill in for you.”

“Ooo, yes!” April cheered.

“And so I said, ‘no way Jose!’ There was no way I was doing a five page paper right after the world almost ended,” April shouted. “It turns out that the teacher’s name was actually Jose.”

“Awk-ward,” Leo commented. “That guy was a jerk, though.”

Casey rolled his eyes. “After an invasion happened and a third of the city was destroyed, they were still having you do busywork? That’s stupid.”

“Exactly! You guys get it,” she exclaimed. April sighed and leaned back. “If only my professors had actually cared that we all nearly died. Besides Mrs G, she was cool about it. Lessened the workload, people gave extensions without asking questions, gave us some time off. I even heard her comforting some kids during lunch a couple times. She rocks.”

“Sounds like it,” Leo concluded. 

“What about you, Leo? Any new tea to spill?” April gave him a silly grin, but CJ seemed like he clearly didn’t understand the modern metaphor.

“No, not really. It’s been pretty quiet around the lair.” That was only partially true. Leo was the one disrupting their peace constantly. Even if he tried to be silent and keep his head low, he still managed to upset somebody somehow. “How’s school going for you, Case?”

“Oh, don’t even get me started,” the teenager sighed. “Online classes are way better than public schools, sure, but they have their own problems. There’s this kid who tried to ‘cyber bully’ and failed miserably. The teachers get on my case sometimes about not turning on my camera, but I have a few excuses handy.”

“Good one,” Leo chimed in. CJ gave him a questioning look. “Getting on your Case. Dang, I should have come up with that one. Although, it is only relevant on a Case by Case basis.”

CJ laughed at the pun while April groaned. Despite trying to hide it, he saw her smile peeking out from underneath the hand covering her face.

The bright blue sky dissolved into dusk too quickly for Leo’s liking. Though the birds had been quite loud that afternoon, their voices had faded away the closer they got to evening. 

They had spent hours chatting in the cool air. At one point, the three had even adventured off to show Casey some of the wildlife he never had the chance to see growing up. Somehow, the most interesting creature to him out of all the ones they pointed out was squirrels. Their agility and speed impressed CJ, and he pondered why they hadn’t survived the apocalypse.

Now, however, Leo was well prepared to head back to the lair. He needed to be at dinner tonight to scope out how upset his brothers are at him.

“Are you sure you have to head home?” April asked sadly. “You could always stay over with me and Casey!”

“Sorry, I’ve got some stuff I need to take care of back home,” Leo lied. He had spent far too long goofing off, even if it had made the others happy. Still, helping Casey was important. “Maybe we can do this again sometime?”

“Yes!!” Casey pumped his fist adorably. His face flushed with embarrassment soon after.

Although he wasn’t much younger than the rest, Casey was becoming as pampered as Mikey. He wasn’t usually the kind to abuse this power, but he sometimes liked to pull some pranks with Mikey and April. 

“All right,” April replied happily. “Mayhem will be over to bring you home in-”

The yokai popped up at that moment, barking.

“-Now, I guess.”

“Bye guys!” Leo waved them off as he was whisked away.

Leo was in the dojo, as per usual. Training was important after all, and he needed to catch up on it. He’d spent too much time fooling around lately. It was necessary for his self-improvement.

(It was penance. Paying for his mistakes.)

Looking back on the eventful day he had, Leo was surprised by how…nice it was. Granted, he experienced a grand total of zero emotions during it, but he didn’t spend as much time dwelling on his own failures and shortcomings.

He would have to remedy that ASAP. If he kept this up, he would revert to his old self. His betterment journey would be rendered null (damn, so many book words).

Leo didn’t deserve rest. He didn’t deserve their kindness or their pity. Frankly, he didn’t even deserve Mikey’s generous act of heroism after everything that he did.

…Even if it was a few months too late. For him, anyway. According to the others, it had only been minutes for them. A few measly minutes. Though he didn’t have a watch in the Prison Dimension, he knew it had been months. His communicator had been destroyed, sure, but his internal clock hadn’t.

He was lucky that it was Casey who had treated them all. If it had been Donnie, his brother would have noticed all of the healed broken bones that weren’t there prior. CJ had mentioned once, while they were alone, that he hadn’t known his Sensei had damaged so many bones as a kid. He played along convincingly with the misconception.

Leo would rather not bog down the others with the knowledge of it. Mikey would be a bit upset by it, at the very least.

(They wouldn’t…lock him in there again, right? It would be pretty easy, sure. If anybody actually wanted to save him, time would pass so quickly here that it would be too late if they tried. His brothers hated him, yes, but it seemed like too much effort. Besides, that would risk the Kraang getting loose.)

Leo trained in the dojo for only a short while before he was called for dinner. Though he wasn’t excited to face his brothers, he knew he had to eventually. Even if he’d rather shrivel up in a hole and die.

Chapter Text

Dinner was unusually quiet. Leo and Mikey, who typically attempted to dissolve the tension lingering in the air, dared to say much of anything.

However, one thing stood out to Leo.

“Where’s Pops?” He questioned hesitantly. The other three turned to look at him, surprised.

“We talkech about ith uh other nigh’, remembah? He’s goin’ to Japan,” Raph replied with his mouth full of food.

“Ew.” Donnie scooched his seat farther away from the eldest.

“Wait, hold up. Japan???” Leo’s eyes widened. “Why?!”

“Papa is on a trip to reconnect with his family. He left while you were with April and Casey, but we’ve been discussing it for the past few weeks at dinner. Haven’t you been paying attention?” Donnie’s eyebrows scrunched up in concern.

“Must’ve zoned out during all your nerd rambling,” Leo deflected. “What about the whole mutant thing?”

Donnie rolled his eyes. “Scoff. His family is a clan of ninjas that have been protecting the world from a cursed version of their ancestor—that turned into a monster, mind you—for generations using their hereditarily passed-down magical powers. It’s not too hard to believe there’s other things out there, too.”

“Huh,” he acquiesced. Leo couldn’t really believe it. Just as Splinter was stepping up in their family, he goes back to the one he abandoned? He shouldn’t be bitter about it. He couldn’t be bitter about it. Why would he be bitter about it?

The table fell silent once more. Leo picked at his food awkwardly. He stared down the slice of pizza like it owed him money.

Mikey sighed and opened his mouth to speak. Donnie glared at him, and the younger’s mouth shut quickly.

Raph kept glancing at Leo, not at all subtle despite his attempts to be. Actually, the others were doing it too. Leo took a bite of his food to try and dispel the attention on him.

He wasn’t sure what it was, but he knew something was wrong.

Leo couldn’t sleep. His usual insomnia had come back to strike, and it came back with a vengeance. With a brain that never shut up, it was a wonder he slept at all.

He had tossed and turned for hours at this point. Nothing was working; that playlist Mikey made for him, sleepy-time tea, and scrolling on social media for a while were all useless. Thus, he had decided to give up. Throw in the towel early before he wasted any more time.

Since he didn’t want to wake anyone up by training, he chose to spend the time researching. He looked into new fighting styles, doomscrolled through post-invasion articles, and found a few new things to try with Casey when he got the chance. If he couldn’t sleep, he at least wanted to be useful.

Time drifted by slowly. The hours felt like years and the seconds like centuries. It blurred together incomprehensibly, just as it had in the PD.

Was it wrong that he missed it, even just a little bit? He knew who was there, what he was meant to be. What he was always destined to be. The love there was fake and cruel, but it was consistent. It was where he belonged, after all. He couldn’t ask for anything more.

Yet, for whatever reason, his littlest brother decided to save him. The youngest, who was as bright and kind as the sun, sacrificed some of his light for Leo. He couldn’t figure out why.

Either way, he needed to make the most of his borrowed time. Just until they eventually got sick of him. It was only a matter of time.

Leo had wanted to prove himself so badly as a kid. When he was younger, he started causing trouble for attention. Since he wasn’t smart or talented enough to be praised by Raph or even Splinter, he would kick up a fuss to get their eyes on him. Any publicity is good publicity.

Then he began using his reputation for good. He would take responsibility when Mikey and Donnie messed up sometimes. They never commented on it, but he was happy to take the heat off of them when they made innocent slip-ups.

Honestly, he wasn’t sure why he did it. Did he think he deserved it, even before he had committed the atrocities he worked to make up for today? Had he predicted his own shortcomings and attempted to fix them in advance?

No, he was too idiotic for that. It wouldn’t explain how he was during the invasion or when the Shredder attacked. If only he wasn’t so stupid.

Leo set down his phone and stared at the ceiling. The darkness seemed like it went on infinitely, just like his foolishness.

His brothers were catching onto him. They noticed his slip-ups and pointed out his mistakes. Clearly, they were concerned about his performance and abilities.

What would happen if they found out about the curse?

They might rip it away from him. Since it had negatively impacted him in some ways so far—mainly due to…taking time to get used to it—they may take it away from him. Sure, he wasn’t using it as an emotional crutch and more as a tool, but they wouldn’t care.

(His family never cared about what he had to say.)

Either way, he knew he could never tell them. Ever. There was no way it would go well. Maybe it would be the catalyst for him getting kicked out. He couldn’t risk that; there’s no way in hell he would.

Leo needed to do better, that’s all. Once he got used to the spell, they wouldn’t notice a thing—they wouldn’t care enough to.

It would be fine. Everything would be…fine.

Yet that didn’t stop his thoughts from continuing to spiral.

Pest pest pest. It echoed in his ears like a whisper. He was a worthless fucking waste of space. Why the hell did they keep him around? As punishment? Did they know it was torture to still be here?

Leo missed Him. Some part of him, anyway. Feelings like ‘wanting’ and ‘needing’ seemed like a fantasy at the moment. He wasn’t sure if he had ever felt those things. It felt like something his brothers would make up to help him feel better.

Like being the Face Man. That was a role they created for him because he was too talentless and useless to be anything else. ‘Wow, congrats Leo, you can be the manipulator. You get to constantly be putting on a performance. It’s really awesome how you can lie to anybody, even yourself!’

Fuck him. Everything sucked. Nothing mattered. He was nothing. He was nothing. Was he ever anything? Was he even real? What was his purpose? Why was he still here? Why? Why? Why?

The world was far away. His gaze was stuck unblinkingly on the wall, yet he couldn’t really see them. Leo was on the cusp of non-existence, if only he could make that last step. Maybe he would be lost forever. That was perfectly fine with him.

(Nothingness seemed like it would be so much easier. He wouldn’t have to pretend for anyone or scrutinize every word said to him. Coping with all his ‘trauma’ or whatever was exhausting. His family didn’t need him.)

He thought about the ledge he had sat on for a while after leaving Hueso’s. It would have been so easy, so simple. His brothers might have even thought it was an accident. Or they wouldn’t have even noticed. The perfect time to leave them was while they had a smidge of care for him, so that maybe they would think of him fondly.

But now he was frozen in place, watching the hours slip by as his corpse rotted under the covers. Leo didn’t have the motivation to get up. He wasn’t sure if he ever had.

Soon, however, he started to hear the others moving around. The nostalgic clanking of pans and murmurs of chatter wandered through the air.

Leo robotically pushed the blanket away, slowly moving through the messy room. Eventually, he would need to clean it up, but his own living space wasn’t important compared to his brothers’ wellbeing. His only concern was what they would think if they saw it. Their supposed leader, the one who always complained when anything in the medbay was out of place, couldn’t even keep his own room tidy? Disgraceful. He rubbed his face to futilely shake away his eyebags and grabbed his gear.

Stepping out the door, he could smell bacon sizzling on the stove already. While he walked through the subway station, the chatter from the kitchen grew clearer.

In comparison, the rest of the lair seemed empty and cold. Was cold the right word? He couldn’t remember what that felt like. The halls were like him, in a way.

(Really, he couldn’t remember what being ‘Leo’ was like anymore. He was just going off of what he thought the caricature of him would do. Why was he doing all of this in the first place? Leo was sure that he was a fuckup and a failure, so he didn’t know why he still tried to be something else. All he had to go off of was his past self’s wishes, even if they didn’t hold any weight to him.)

Before he reached the doorway, he could hear Mikey’s laughter, Raph’s teasing scolding, along with Donnie’s monotone voice from the vibrant crowd as it echoed through the lair. The food’s scent was strong, making his (weak useless undeserving) stomach gurgle.

They seemed so…happy, without Leo. When he was around, their content smiles turned downwards with disappointment and disgust.

Still, he stepped forward into the kitchen. At the table, Mikey and—surprisingly—Draxum were sitting at the table. The goat man had Leo’s younger brother’s hand in his grip, rubbing a weird mystic ointment on it. Right, he had forgotten that Draxum visited on Saturdays to help Mikes with his nerve damage and unstable ninpo.

Raph stood in front of the stove cooking breakfast while Donnie leaned on the counter beside him. His twin was scrolling on his phone disinterestedly while the eldest quietly hummed a tune Leo didn’t recognize under his breath.

A warm glow bathed the room from the ceiling light. The scene looked picturesque, like it was from a movie. Leo hadn’t seen them all so happy and normal in so long.

“Morning, Leo!” Mikey waved with his free hand and grinned at him. “Raphie’s making breakfast!”

Draxum looked up at Leo, which made his body lock up involuntarily. He shook it off and smiled back at Mikey. “Sweet! Or, shall I say, salty?”

As Mike giggled and rolled his eyes fondly, Draxum’s gaze grew harsh. His eyes squinted in judgement before he sighed.

“Why is the blue one cursed?” The yokai put a hand on his nose bridge in annoyance.

Mikey’s eyes widened and cheerfulness instantly dissipated. Donnie’s head shot up from being buried in his phone. Beside him, the plate fell from Raph’s hand and crashed into pieces loudly.

Leo froze.

(Oh no, oh no, oh no no no no nononono-)

And then everything went to hell.

Chapter Text

Something was wrong with Leo. Raph knew he wasn’t the most observant, sure, but he could tell when something was up.

…Usually.

Okay, so maybe he hadn’t noticed during the long months Leo was the leader. He could make as many excuses to himself as he wanted, but he still felt bad about it. Though his little brother loves to show off and goof around, he typically doesn’t try to anger his brothers. Annoy them, definitely, but genuinely upset? That wasn’t normal.

Out of all of them, it wasn’t a surprise that it was the one Mikey who eventually determined the cause.

“I don’t get why he’s acting like this,” Raph had said. “It’s a complete 360. What happened?”

Donnie rolled his eyes. “Scoff. It’s 180, Raphala.”

“Hmmm,” Mike put a hand to his chin. Suddenly, he snapped. “I’ve got it! Maybe he was trying to get you to take it back, Raph.”

“Take what back?” He asked.

“The title, silly!” Mikey joked, but it fell flat. “He said he didn’t ask for this a few times, right? What if he was trying to show you that he wasn’t capable? If you got fed up enough, wouldn’t you eventually decide to be leader again?”

Raph grunted in agreement. “But then…why was he trying to do everything himself?”

Angie squinted his eyes, thinking deeply. “What if…What if he didn’t want us to get hurt? Or he wanted to prove to us he was good enough at some point?”

Donnie sighed. “Knowing Nardo, he likely has quite a few reasons—many of which conflict—that explain his behavior. Unlike moi, he doesn’t settle for just one motivation. He needs a whole web of excuses to justify his actions.”

That conversation had happened after Leo had been released from bed rest post…incident. They were hoping he would talk to one of them, but their brother was as stubborn and sneaky as ever.

Everyone else had been acting off after what happened too, but at least they talked about it. Leo, on the other hand, was determined to hide his feelings as best as he could. He wanted to pretend he was perfectly fine, even while being super self-destructive. Raph had been fooled for so long during the months prior.

Yet, there was a new tiredness to his performance. Occasionally, bits of…what was the word Donnie used? Melon-something. Oh right! Bits of melan-alcohol-y seeped into his expression. Sadness and longing seen for only a moment before being covered by a fake smile.

That was, at least, until recently. When Raph had talked to Leon in the dojo, he could tell something was different. Leo usually infused some genuine feeling into his act to make it believable, but there was none of that now.

Even though he knew something was up, he wasn’t sure what to do. Every time he tried to help, he made it worse. How was Raph supposed to make his brother feel better when Leo refused to talk to them?

“Why is the blue one cursed?”

The plate slid out of Raph’s hands, shattering into a million tiny pieces on the kitchen floor. He felt his body go rigid in shock. Around him, he heard gasps of surprise from everyone else, affirming he had heard correctly.

What did Barry mean? Leo was cursed and he didn’t tell them?!

“Whaaaaat?” Leo sung nonchalantly, causing Raph’s head to whip in his direction. His smile was flawlessly held in place, but it was obvious it wasn’t real. “You must be seeing things, Draxxy. Does the resident grandpa need to get some reading glasses?”

Draxum only deadpanned in response, oblivious to the terror of the rest of the family. “I assure you, my vision is perfectly intact. In fact, I believe Michelangelo should be able to confirm my suspicions.” The goat man gestured a hand towards the slider. “Michelangelo, do you see the faint green glow surrounding Leonardo?”

Mikey shot up from his seat, pointing at Leo. “I knew it! I knew I wasn’t imagining things!” The triumph on his face quickly melted into frustration. “Dang it, I should’ve said something earlier!”

Across the room, Leo was sweating buckets. “I’m fine. It’s fine! Don’t worry about it.”

“Draxum,” Donnie quietly said, anger barely hidden by his monotone inflection. “What kind of curse?”

“Nothing major,” Draxum answered as he shrugged his shoulders lightly. “This one is typically utilized as a yokai version of pepper spray—a self defense tool for stunning or distracting an attacker. Harmless, really. Most people have a witch remove it for a small fee.”

Raph took a gulp of air, stress stink already flaring up. “But what does it do?”

Draxum sighed. “There are a few variations of this spell, but they all take away a major sense. In this case, the curse took away Leonardo’s ability to feel.”

The room fell into a shocked silence while Leo fidgeted with his fingers tensely by the door.

“What…what kind of ‘feeling’?” Mikey squeaked. “Can he feel touch, or is it just his feelings? Or-or, did it-”

“I’m afraid he cannot feel either.” Draxum folded his hands on his lap, finally noticing the tension coating the room. “Right, blue one?”

All eyes turned towards the second oldest. Leo froze like a deer in the headlights. He raised his hands defensively. “Guys, relax! It’s no biggie; I’m handling it no problem.”

“Handling-?!” Raph sputtered aghast. He turned to look at the rest of his brothers. Donnie looked at a loss for words, his chest moving up and down slightly faster than usual. Mikey’s hands were balled up as tightly as he could manage, but there was a sharp gleam in his eye Raph only saw when he was trying to analyze his brothers.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Don asked quietly, so unlike his standard over-dramatic attitude.

Leo rolled his eyes (but he didn’t feel anything Raph knew he wasn’t feeling a thing-). “Pshh. I’m doing great! You guys don’t need to worry. Once I get used to it, I promise it won’t affect my performance.”

Raph gasped in horror. Why the hell would his little brother want to get used to a curse?!

“That’s not something you have to be concerned about,” Draxum reassured. “It can easily be removed, if you give me a moment to-”

The slider stepped back automatically. “No.”

Draxum sighed. “I do not follow your line of logic on this issue. If it’s me you have an issue with, your family is here and can make sure no harm falls upon you.”

“I’m fine,” Leo choked out. His breathing began to slightly quicken. “This is fine. Why are you guys making such a big deal about it?”

“Leo-” Raph moved closer to his brother.

Leo’s stare snapped up to look him in the eyes, his expression being one of a deer in the headlights. Frozen. (Was he afraid of Raph?)

Everyone stared at Leo. His expression was one of a wild animal about to flee from a predator. Raph had never seen him look like that before.

And then Leo ran.

Before Raph processed what was happening, he found himself chasing after Leo. His heavy footsteps thundered behind Leo’s uncoordinated and soft ones. The blue turtle, exhausted from overworking himself in the dojo, was quickly caught in the eldest’s grasp. Raph held on tightly to his arm to stop him from getting away.

Carefully, Raph lifted his thrashing little brother. In his attempt to escape, Leo whacked Raph near his eye.

“Ow!” Raph cried out, pain emanating from the sore spot on his face. Instantly, all the fight drained out of Leo. The snapping turtle could feel him sag in his grip.

Raph walked back into the kitchen. The family collectively let out a minuscule sigh of relief.

Draxum got up and stepped towards the pair. “This will only take a moment. I’m unsure if there will be any side effects, since most people lift the curse in a matter of hours.”

Leo’s gaze, despite being locked on Barry, was distant and unseeing. It made Raph’s insides curdle with fear, even if he had seen glimpses of this in his brother’s eyes over the past week.

He watched as the baron’s fingertips sparked. Bright, violet-pink threads of mystic energy flowed from his raised hands, gliding through the air toward Leo.

They twirled around the vacant slider, enveloping him in their glow. Raph had to close his eyes to avoid being blinded by their luminosity.

He felt a thread snap around his brother’s ninpo, the magic cage holding it captive fading away.

Draxum lowered his arms.

Raph’s trembling, too warm younger brother was deathly quiet in his arms. Both of their faces grew pale. Everyone stared in silence, waiting for the other shoe to drop with bated breath.

Raph’s heart was beating out of his chest as a bead of sweat dripped down his forehead. He couldn’t tell where Leo’s shaking ended and his own began.

He couldn’t stand the sight of Leonardo looking so…dead. He couldn’t be dead. He wasn’t dead, he wasn’t. Raph repeated it in his head over and over, but it still wasn’t enough to convince him.

Leo’s brow twitched.

The eldest let out the breath he’d forgotten he’d been holding. He was alive. He was okay. Everything was going to be alright. Leo would be alright.

Suddenly, Leo’s eyes snapped open. Before anyone had time to process, he let out an agonized, blood-curdling scream.