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Hyunjin barely wakes up when he feels Felix slide into bed behind him, curling into his back and settling down. He loves how Felix cuddles up to him every time he gets home from work, cooling down Hyunjin’s overheated skin and giving him a couple more refreshing hours of sleep before he has to get up.
Felix is still awake when Hyunjin’s alarm goes off. He quickly turns it off and turns around in Felix’s arms, barely making out his features in the darkness. Felix doesn’t return his smile, but Hyunjin has stopped expecting it. He knows how sad Felix is in the morning, when the sun rises, and he can’t rise with it.
“Did I wake you earlier?” Felix asks, worrying despite being the one in pain. He hasn’t been himself lately, and Hyunjin is at a loss of what to do. Everyone knows that Felix’s nickname of Sunshine isn’t just from his bright personality, but also his love of spending time in the sun. It is bound to take a toll on him when he can no longer feel the heat on his skin without the sizzling burn that comes along with it.
“Only for a few seconds.” Hyunjin says, barely remembering feeling him slip into bed. He sees the way Felix’s eyes flicker to the window, where a slither of light peeks out from the sides of the blackout curtain. It already looks to be a sunny day today, the kind where Felix would be outside from sunrise to sunset when he was human.
“You should feed.” Hyunjin says, reaching up to pull down the collar of his shirt. Felix only looks at the movement with a lack of interest. The frown on his face is becoming apparent as Hyunjin’s eyes adjust to the dark.
“I’m not hungry.” Felix croaks, closing his eyes and turning his face into the pillow. Hyunjin hurts for him, knowing how much he longs for his old life. Felix always says that the bloodlust is the worst part of what he is, but being burned by the sun seems to be a close second.
“You should feed anyway; you won’t see me again until sundown.” Hyunjin reminds him. He sees that Felix isn’t okay, and he doesn’t know how to help. He can’t make him magically tolerate the sun again.
“I’ll feel better at sundown.” Felix says. At least at sundown, no one is in the sun, and Felix won’t have to sit inside and long to be normal.
“And you’ll be starving,” Hyunjin points out. “Remember last time when you took too much? I know you hate it, but you need to feed.” He pulls the hem of his shirt down again, exposing his neck in hopes that it will be tempting enough. He seems to contemplate it for a long moment before giving in, scooting closer to reach Hyunjin’s neck.
He used to place gentle kisses on his skin first, prepare Hyunjin for where he’ll go in, but these days he goes straight for it, sinking his teeth into Hyunjin’s neck and sucking almost lifelessly. Hyunjin knows that he didn’t mean to stop being gentler, he just doesn’t have it in him to drag it out any more than necessary.
Felix doesn’t take nearly as much blood as he should, but it’s better than nothing, so Hyunjin doesn’t push it. He reaches for the tissue box on the nightstand, grabbing one to press against his neck until the bleeding stops.
When his eyes land on Felix again, his eyes are shining with tears, looking in the direction of the window. Hyunjin wishes that he could say this is a particularly hard morning for Felix, but this is how it’s been for weeks. Ever since the blood poisoning incident. Somehow, that experience made him face the reality that his life has changed forever, and forever is going to be a lot longer than it is for humans.
“This is worse than the blood.” Felix admits quietly, closing his eyes and the tears spill over. Hyunjin’s heart aches in his chest, wishing so desperately that he could do something to help. He feels useless as he wraps his arms around Felix and pulls him closer, feeling him tremble.
“You will be okay,” Hyunjin says softly. “We will find a way to live with this.” Felix cries harder at those words, sobbing softly against Hyunjin’s chest. Concern twists sickeningly in Hyunjin’s gut, he doesn’t know what lengths Felix could go to to end the pain.
“I don’t want to live with this.” Felix manages between sobs, pleading for Hyunjin to have a solution. Hyunjin has tried to help him get as close to the sun as he could, finding the darkest corner of the apartment and opening the curtain just enough to peek outside without getting burned, but it only had him bursting into tears.
“I don’t want you to either.” Hyunjin says honestly. He wishes that he could go back to that night and come with Felix to work, walk him home and keep him safe, stop that stranger from robbing him of his life and cursing him to keep living like this. But he can’t change the past.
When Hyunjin first found out what Felix is, he should have expected this to happen at some point. It was exciting and new at the time, learning what this means and adjusting to a new life, a reality where vampires exist. One where Felix is stronger and can’t be hurt by time, illness or injury. In a selfish way, it was comforting to know that Felix wouldn’t die before him.
But reality would set in eventually, and grief over the life he lost would hit. As painful and fragile as humans are, there is something precious about it too, something that should be protected at all costs.
Felix didn’t choose to give it up, it was taken from him. And with his humanity, he lost the ability to age and grow old, to have children and a family of his own, and to enjoy the little things, the things that seem small and insignificant until you lose them. Like feeling his own heart beating, or the relief of a deep breath, or a good hit of sugar, or a cool breeze on your hot skin.
There are so many aspects to human life that you never consider until you lose them. Even getting sick or injured has their purpose, making you appreciate good health. Aside from the vervain incident, Felix hasn’t had to deal with any of that for months. And he never will again.
Hyunjin can’t even imagine the weight of knowing that he will watch Hyunjin, and everyone else he loves and cares about, grow old and die without ageing a day himself.
Felix eventually starts calming down, mostly because he’s exhausted. He lets go of Hyunjin and lies down with his back to him. He looks tiny where he curls up into himself, not even bothering with getting under the blankets.
“I have to go to work.” Hyunjin says quietly, leaning down to place a kiss on Felix’s cheek and feeling the dampness still lingering there. He longs to stay in bed with him all day, he doesn’t want to leave him alone. His heart belongs here, at home, but they won’t have a home for long if he stops going to work.
“Stay safe.” Felix tells the wall, his voice breaking at the end. Hyunjin’s heart aches, he is desperate for a solution. But he can’t tell Felix that it will be okay when he can’t fix the problem.
Hyunjin rises and kneels beside the bed, catching a glimpse of Felix’s face before he turns into the pillow, hiding from the day ahead. He searches out Felix’s hand under the blanket, holding onto it in what he hopes is a reassuring way.
“Call me if you need anything, okay? Promise me that.” Hyunjin says, trusting that Felix will pick up the phone if it is too much to handle on his own. It has happened a few times. Felix will call him in a panic, convinced that his lungs have stopped working or that someone slipped vervain into his drink at work. But every time, he just needs to calm down.
“I’ll just sleep.” Felix mumbles. It is impossible for Hyunjin to tear himself away and leave the room, but he does it anyway. And it is no easier to leave the apartment after a shower and breakfast, but he does that too. Not before giving Felix another hug though.
-
Hyunjin is staring blankly at the painting in front of him when there’s a knock on the door. He jumps in surprise, realizing how long he’s sat there doing nothing. Putting away his dry paint brush, he goes to the door only to realize that his hands are covered in oil paint.
“Come in!” He yells. Normally he would open the door and wipe it off later, but that seems like too much work today. His heart is still with Felix, and his mind seems to linger there as well.
The door opens a moment later, and Chan comes inside. Hyunjin had already forgotten that he asked Chan to come over, but he is relieved to see him. Almost relieved enough to pull him into a hug, but it doesn’t look like Chan wants to ruin his clothes.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Chan asks with a deep crease between his brows. For a moment, his eyes flash a glowing yellow, and Hyunjin fights not to jump back. He isn’t scared of Chan; the lack of control just startled him.
“Not much, just… working.” Hyunjin sighs, moving back to the canvas he’s stared at for so long that it looks terrible. The colours bleed into each other, creating a muddy purple that makes him feel a little sick.
“You sounded worried on the phone.” Chan points out, reminding Hyunjin of the reason for Chan being here.
“Oh, right, that…” Hyunjin drags a hand through his hair, surely getting paint in it. Chan grabs a chair and places himself beside the painting, grabbing Hyunjin’s attention.
“Do you want to tell me why you’re being so weird?” Chan asks, raising his brows curiously. Hyunjin lets out another long sigh, struggling to collect his thoughts.
“Sorry, my mind is… everywhere.” Hyunjin twirls his hands around his head, as if to demonstrate what a mess it is inside.
“Does this have anything to do with your man at home?” Chan asks softly, leaning forward on his chair. His eyes are so full of compassion, Hyunjin wonders if that’s why they flash yellow again.
“It has everything to do with him.” Hyunjin says. “I’ve never seen him so… It’s like the lights have gone out. He isn’t the sunshine we all know and love right now. And I guess I should have prepared for this to happen, because he loves being outside, nature, sunlight, warmth, life. That hasn’t changed, and without it…” He trails off, scared of voicing his true thoughts.
“He’s depressed.” Chan fills in for him. Hyunjin smears more paint in his hair and shrugs, as if he can prevent the pain of Chan’s words from getting to him.
“I don’t know what to do. I have tried to get him as close to the sun as I safely can, but he just cries. He can’t even see the sun through the window or peeking out of the curtains without breaking.” As if on cue, Hyunjin’s voice breaks. It just feels so hopeless. He knows that he is supposed to be the supportive boyfriend with all of the hope and answers, but truthfully, he can’t see a solution to this.
“I wondered if this would happen.” Chan says thoughtfully.
“Of course you did, you think of everything. Meanwhile I was entirely unprepared.” Hyunjin says, frustrated with himself for not foreseeing this. He was just so happy that Felix was okay, that he wasn’t dying or falling apart after the assault, he didn’t stop to think about the implications.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You had a lot going on. Finding out what he was opened a whole new world to you, and that is a lot to take in for anyone.” Chan says, reaching for Hyunjin’s hand. The touch should be comforting, but all Hyunjin can think is that Felix hasn’t held him that gently or lovingly in too long. And he doesn’t blame Felix for it, he just wishes that Felix was happy enough to be gentle or loving.
“But it’s so obvious!” Hyunjin exclaims, “He’s like a plant, and without sunlight, he’ll just…” He trails off again, closing his eyes against the mental images. Felix with pale grey skin, laying unmoving in bed, eyes not fixed on anything. He looks dead, yet it is becoming a normal sight.
“Whither.” Chan finishes, stroking his thumb over the back of Hyunjin’s hand.
“And if a plant goes without sunlight for too long, it just sort of…” Hyunjin can’t finish the sentence. The word is at the tip of his tongue, but while Felix is technically dead, he can’t make himself say the word now.
“Dies.” Chan once again says the word Hyunjin isn’t strong enough to utter.
“Are you going to finish all of my sentences?” Hyunjin asks, just to have something else to talk about. His chest feels like it will split open any minute.
“He is not going to die again, Hyunjin.” Chan says. The again reminds Hyunjin that Felix already died once, and Hyunjin wasn’t there. He had to go through it all alone, and Hyunjin would do anything to make sure he isn’t alone again.
“Really? Because I didn’t even want to leave him alone today. He almost didn’t feed this morning. I have to force him, or he’ll let himself starve.” Hyunjin says, unloading everything on his friend. It is a relief to finally talk to someone about it, but saying it out loud makes him realize how big the problem really is.
“A vampire refusing to eat is like…” Chan trails off, looking for the right words.
“A dog refusing treats?” Hyunjin asks, as if he can minimize it by making a gentler comparison.
“No, it’s worse. Much worse. Blood to vampires isn’t like food to humans. It’s more like fuel for a machine. There’s no reserve to take from, they can’t go thirsty for long before they run out of fuel.” Chan explains. Hyunjin doesn’t like the sound of that, and he isn’t sure whether he wants to know more.
“Felix has amazing self-control, especially for being so new, but it should be impossible to resist if he’s thirsty. His throat would feel like sandpaper and his veins would close in on themselves, it would be very painful. If he resists feeding when he feels like that-” Chan abruptly stops, as if he can tell that Hyunjin is too fragile to know the details.
“What happens if he starves? It won’t kill him, right?” Hyunjin asks anyway, because he needs to know. He needs to understand how important it is to make Felix eat again.
“He would desiccate, dry out, until there’s no blood left in his body. He would be so weak and hungry that he couldn’t move, but his mind would still be wide awake. I’ve heard of vampires who stay in that state for centuries before someone wakes them with a drop of blood.” Chan doesn’t spare any details. It sounds truly horrific.
“So what do we do? I doubt there are any therapists specializing in vampire mental health, and human medications won’t do anything for him.” Hyunjin desperately points out. But this doesn’t feel like something conventional therapy could fix. It is about life quality, the fundamentals of Felix’s life; his mindset can’t change that.
“We get him back into the sun.” Chan says. It sounds so easy when he says it that it takes a moment for Hyunjin’s mind to remember that it’s far from easy.
“He would burn.” Hyunjin says flatly.
“Not necessarily.” Chan says, “I’m not certain if it’s possible, but there might be a way to protect him from sunlight so he can tolerate it again.” It sounds too good to be true. Hyunjin struggles with not getting his hopes up.
“How on earth would we do such a thing?” Hyunjin doesn’t know why he sounds so frustrated. Maybe he’s just preparing for this to be false hope, and he is already mad at Chan for giving it to him.
“There is a lot you don’t know yet.” Chan smiles secretively. “If there is anything that can help, Minho will know. I’ll ask him to visit you tonight and bring anything he can think of.”
“Minho hyung knows?” Hyunjin asks, wondering how many of their friend group know what Felix is. Hyunjin thought it was a secret, that humans weren’t supposed to know.
“You’re the only human in our group. But before you ask, it’s not for me to tell you what they are. These things can feel very private.” Chan says, and Hyunjin’s head spins wondering what all of his friends are if none of them are human. Is anyone else a vampire? Could they be there for Felix? Help him and guide him through this? If so, why haven’t they?
“Are you ever going to tell me what you are?” Hyunjin asks. All he knows about Chan is that he isn’t a vampire, or human, and his eyes glow yellow sometimes. And he seems to have less control over it today than he normally does.
“Let’s just say I won’t join you tonight because there’s a full moon.” Chan says, just as his eyes start glowing again. It seems almost like it takes effort for them not to glow, and he has finally decided that he can relax around Hyunjin. It takes a moment to put the pieces together, that Chan is affected by the full moon, and he can’t come over for that reason, and on the full moon he has less control.
“You’re a werewolf?” Hyunjin asks incredulously. It’s almost too perfect. Of all the supernatural things out there, how did Chan get the thing that fits him the most?
“Which makes me dangerous today.” Chan says in confirmation. “I should really get back home, just to be sure I’m secure before nightfall. But I had to know what made you sound like someone had died.” Chan starts getting up and collecting his jacket. For a moment, Hyunjin was distracted by his revelation, but now his thoughts are right back to Felix.
“Oh, of course.” Hyunjin says, joining Chan by the door. “Get home safely, and tell Minho hyung we’ll be expecting him.”
-
Hyunjin goes home an hour earlier than normal. He just can’t stand imagining Felix curled up in bed, sad and alone, for another moment. He has no delusions about taking away Felix’s sadness when he enters the apartment, but at least he isn’t alone anymore.
Entering the bedroom, he finds Felix right where he left him. He’s lying on his side under the covers, looking tense and uncomfortable, open but unseeing eyes fixed on the black-out curtain. Hyunjin’s heart squeezes in his chest, torn at what to say. It would be cruel to get Felix’s hopes up only to disappoint him but seeing him so hopeless is heartbreaking.
“Hey.” Hyunjin says to get his attention, even though he knows that Felix’s vampire hearing heard him before he even entered the building. There is no reaction from the lump on the bed. Not even a slow blink or deep breath, vampires don’t have to do either.
Hyunjin lifts the corner of the comforter, sliding in to curl around Felix’s back, relieved when he feels the other relax slightly. It is strange not to feel Felix breathing, but he is learning to associate the perfect stillness with the man he loves.
“Please don’t forget the sun.” Hyunjin says quietly. It’s the closest thing to the truth he can say without breaking Felix’s heart. If he tells Felix about the hope that Minho could have a solution, and Minho turns up at their door with nothing, Felix might not survive.
Expecting Felix to react like he didn’t hear anything, Hyunjin is surprised when Felix turns around in his arms. There are traces of tears on his cheeks, crusted saltiness under his eyes, but there is something more in his eyes, a wonder, as if he knows that Hyunjin could say more.
“How could I forget?” Felix’s voice is tortured, and Hyunjin realizes what his words must sound like. For Felix who has no hope of ever feeling the sun again, forgetting its warmth would be a mercy. Never forgetting would be to never move on.
“I just want you to hope that there is a way for you to enjoy it again, even if it looks different than before.” Hyunjin says, and he would have said the same thing this morning.
“How?” Felix asks, but there is no hope in his eyes, no belief that it could ever happen.
“I don’t know.” Hyunjin says truthfully. He has no clue what the solution could be, but the way Chan motioned it didn’t seem like a wild guess. It sounded more like he’s heard of vampires being protected from the sun, but didn’t know enough to say for certain. “I don’t know how it would happen, or what could help, but I know that we aren’t the most knowledgeable about the supernatural. If there is something, we need to ask someone with more knowledge.”
“Who?” Felix asks, just as emotionlessly as before. His short questions seem automatic, like he isn’t even thinking of them, they just slip out without any intention to know more. It is scary to see him so low, and as much as Hyunjin wants to blurt out Minho, he can’t risk the false hope.
“Chan hyung told me how much it hurts you not to feed properly.” Hyunjin changes the subject before he can say too much. Felix’s eyes lower with a tight set of his lips, like he already knows what Hyunjin will make him do.
“Is your throat on fire?” Hyunjin asks, even though he knows the answer. Felix hasn’t fed enough in weeks; it can’t be enough to satiate him. The guilt on Felix’s face confirms it. “Are your veins closing in on themselves, or do you have to neglect yourself more first?” He means it as a genuine question, but he realizes his mistake when tears flood Felix’s eyes.
“I don’t mean to, I just can’t-” Felix’s voice catches in his throat as he starts sobbing. Hyunjin pulls him closer, wrapping himself so tightly around Felix that he can feel every heaving breath and tremble between the sobs.
“I know, I know it’s hard. I can’t even imagine how you feel. But I need you to take care of yourself. You won’t feel any better if you’re starving.” Hyunjin’s voice is firm beneath the blanket of comfort. Because he knows how impossible it must feel do something like feed himself when he feels like he has lost everything, but Hyunjin can’t watch Felix wither away to nothing. Only in this case he wouldn’t starve to death, he would desiccate. And somehow that sounds worse.
“I’m sorry.” Felix words are barely tangible because he’s crying so hard, so Hyunjin doesn’t say anything else. He holds Felix closer and strokes his back, feeling his own eyes well up in empathy. He has never seen Felix so broken, and he doesn’t know how to fix it. All he can do is hope with his entire being that Minho knows more than them.
Hyunjin only moves when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. Felix has stopped crying, lying motionless in his arms, but not sleeping. Fishing his phone out, Hyunjin sees a text from Minho saying that he’s on his way. He slowly sits up, letting go of Felix who looks at him with big, pleading eyes, as if he’s terrified to be left alone.
“Minho hyung is coming over.” Hyunjin says in explanation. Felix’s eyes darken for a moment, the bruises under his eyes coming to life with veins of hunger. Hyunjin holds his wrist out to Felix’s mouth, almost touching. “Please feed, take what you need.” He almost begs, and struggles not to feel defeated when Felix presses his lips together. Cupping Felix’s cheek instead, he leans in for a kiss, letting Felix feel his warmth, the blood pumping under his skin. Felix has never lost control and attacked, but it would almost be a relief if he did, because at least he would be feeding.
“I can see how much you’re hurting, Lix. I can feel your pain, and I know that you don’t think it will ever be okay. It’s not the life you had in mind, but it might be enough someday, and you won’t find out if you’re not here to see it.” Hyunjin tries not to make any of this about himself. Love can only do so much; Felix has to find the will to live for himself, his own reasons to try.
“It won’t kill me.” Felix argues, still struggling with getting control of his hunger. If only it would kill him, Hyunjin thinks, but the fate Felix is heading for is much worse.
“No, but it will dry you out until you have no strength left and get locked inside your body, but you’ll never lose consciousness, so you’ll feel every second of it.” Hyunjin relays what Chan told him earlier in the day. He didn’t know what happened to starving vampires before then, and he doubts that Felix knew either. There is a flick of fear on his face before he covers it up. “Please don’t do that to yourself. You deserve so much better.” He adds, moving his wrist toward Felix’s lips again.
Felix’s small hands circle Hyunjin’s forearm and hand, holding him in place. The veins dance under his eyes, and Hyunjin can tell from the set of his jaw that his fangs are out. He gives a small nod, watching Felix fight against himself. He sees the moment Felix decides, closes his eyes and leans in.
Soft lips touch Hyunjin’s wrist first, their eyes meeting before Felix’s lips part and there’s a sharp sting at Hyunjin’s wrist. Felix sucks on his skin, swallows, his eyes closing with the relief. It must be bliss to finally feel blood slide down his parched throat, and he quickly gives up control, sucking and swallowing repeatedly. Hyunjin sighs with relief when he finally takes enough blood, staying on Hyunjin’s wrist for more than a few seconds.
Hyunjin can see the shadows under his eyes disappear, his skin regaining some of its colour as he feeds. It’s only then that he realizes how dead Felix looked before, his skin ashen and bruised, dry and lifeless. Watching him feed is like watching him come back to life, but Hyunjin knows that this is just the surface, the real battle is much more complicated.
It is the knock on the front door than has Felix pulling away. His lips are tinted blood red and he’s gasping for breath, like a human who chuggs an entire bottle of water without stopping to breathe.
“Must be Minho hyung.” Hyunjin mumbles, heading for the door. To his delight, he hears Felix trudging along behind him. However, he’s disappointed when he sees that Minho only brought a book with him. All the hope of some magical fix vanishes.
“I heard you needed my help.” Minho says, holding an old leather-bound book close to his chest like he’s scared it’ll run away.
“What help?” Felix asks quietly. Hyunjin suddenly regrets not telling Felix why Minho is coming over, how could he rob him of hope even if it might not work out?
“To get you back in the sun.” Minho answers before Hyunjin can figure out what to say. Hyunjin looks at Felix, seeing his complete lack of reaction.
“That’s not funny.” Felix’s voice is strained, rightfully hurt if he thinks Minho is trying to be funny.
“I wasn’t joking.” Minho says, frowning in concern. He must see how uncharacteristic Felix is behaving. Come to think of it, this is the first time Minho has seen him since things got bad. It must be a shock.
“Come in.” Hyunjin gestures him inside, figuring that this is a conversation they should have in private. Minho follows them into the kitchen, and they sit at the table. The leather-bound book is carefully placed in front of Minho before he starts flipping through it as if he’s looking for something.
“How is that book supposed to help?” Hyunjin asks, narrowing his eyes at the thick pages.
“Okay, what is going on?” Felix asks. “When did hyung get involved and what is he supposed to do? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I burn in the sun.” He must feel very lost. He doesn’t know that Hyunjin talked to Chan, and neither of them know why Minho can help or what the book is for.
“I asked Channie hyung for help,” Hyunjin says, laying a gentle hand on Felix’s lower back. “He told me that there might be a way to protect you from the sun.” There it is, the hope that will crush Felix if this doesn’t work.
“And I’m here because I’m the one with the magic.” Minho says, before making a sound of triumph and pointing at the open page. “Here it is, this is the spell.”
“I’m sorry, spell? Magic?” Felix asks incredulously. Hyunjin has to agree. Is Minho saying that he’s a witch?
“Did you think that magical creatures came into the world on their own?” Minho asks. “No, they were created by magic, curses mostly. Binding lycanthropes to the moon and vampires to the sun. But there’s a way to make you invulnerable to it, to block the magical property that binds you.”
“In Korean, please?” Hyunjin asks, understanding very little of what Minho just said.
Minho looks exasperated but explains. “I can spell an object, something you’ll wear every day, and the sun won’t burn anymore.”
It sounds too good to be true. Too easy. Can it really be that simple? They were so certain that there was nothing they could do to change Felix’s intolerance to sun. It’s just a part of being a vampire, as universal as drinking blood. And now Minho comes in with a book and says he can fix it in such a simple way.
“What? Like a bracelet?” Felix asks sceptically, clearly struggling to believe it too. It must be even harder for him, a battle between wanting to hope and being scared of disappointment.
“Like a daylight bracelet. Or ring, or necklace. As long as you wear it, you’ll be fine.” Minho says, sounding so sure of himself. Still, Hyunjin can’t help but think that it won’t work. He imagines Felix being filled with hope only to burn when he steps into the light.
“Have you done this before?” Hyunjin asks, trying to be the voice of reason even though he himself is already filled with hope. And fear, because he’s certain that Felix won’t be any better off if Minho is wrong.
“Yes.” Minho simply says.
“Did it work?” Hyunjin asks, wondering who Minho helped before.
“Yes.” Minho repeats.
“How certain are you that I won’t set on fire?” Felix asks, glancing nervously at the black-out curtains on the other side of the room. There’s such a deep longing on his face that Hyunjin knows it’s too late to give him a more realistic hope. Felix already hopes that this will work, that he’ll be in the sun by the end of the day.
“Do you really think I would risk it?” Minho asks, almost looking offended. “I know what I’m doing, I’ve practiced magic my entire life.”
“Your entire life?” Hyunjin questions. How did he never know that Minho had magic? He didn’t know that the supernatural existed until a few months ago, but he still feels like he should have noticed that something was different about him. But maybe he did notice, he just never questioned it because all the weird things about Minho were just Minho.
“I accidentally set a lot of fires as a baby, but I can control it now.” Minho says, starting to look impatient.
“As long as you don’t set me on fire.” Felix mumbles, voicing Hyunjin’s thoughts.
“Just give me one of your ring.” Minho says, holding out a hand for Felix to put it in his palm. He always wears many rings anyway, doesn’t even take them off to shower. Hyunjin smiles when he sees that Felix chooses one that Hyunjin bought for him.
Minho places the ring on the table. Then he looks up at Felix, a question in his eyes. “Now, if I give you this, I trust that you will only use it for good.” There is a deeper meaning behind his words, one Hyunjin catches onto right away.
“How would I use it for bad?” Felix asks, clueless.
“Keeping vampires off the streets during the day is a protection for humans. It’s harder to find someone to feed on in the middle of the night. And I know you felt you had no choice, but you have hurt people.” Minho speaks slowly, giving Felix time to understand the double meaning of what he’s saying. That the ring is not permission to go on a murder spree.
“He never took anyone’s life.” Hyunjin interjects. He hates the thought of what Minho is implying, but part of it is true. Felix had to feed on someone before Hyunjin knew, when he had no other source of blood.
“I didn’t-” Felix’s voice breaks, eyes filling with tears, and Hyunjin almost wants to yell at Minho for making him cry. “I would never do that again, now that I have other options.” Felix says through the lump in his throat, a tear slipping down his cheek as he speaks. Hyunjin can’t resist wiping it away, feeling the wetness on his fingertips.
“Besides, that was at night. A daylight ring wouldn’t change that.” Hyunjin points out. “And I didn’t know then, he didn’t feed on me. But he does now. And if he can’t, we have ways of getting donated blood for him.” Coming to his boyfriend’s defence feels as natural as breathing. He doesn’t know what he would do if Felix still fed on strangers, it wouldn’t be something he could support, but he won’t have to figure it out because it’s all in the past.
“Daylight being accessible means that humans are more accessible. I just have to make sure that I’m not an accomplice in anything.” Minho tries to be as gentle as possible, but it’s a difficult subject. Felix’s eyes close, pushing tears over the edge, rolling down his cheeks.
“I remember them every day. I wish I had starved, desiccated rather than feed on them.” Felix says with a haunted look. Hyunjin knows that he will never forgive himself. And he will never again feed on someone without their consent.
“Good.” Minho nods, satisfied. “Now let’s do this.”
There are no herbs or potions, no glowing lights or other signs of magic. He just reads a few words from his book, in a language that doesn’t even sound vaguely familiar. Then he picks up the ring and holds it out for Felix who hesitantly takes it.
“That’s it?” Felix asks, eyeing it suspiciously while sliding it back on his finger.
“That’s it.” Minho says, stepping over to the windows. “Did you expect flashing lights or a chill to run through the air?”
“Kind of.” Hyunjin admits. Magic looks a lot more exciting in movies.
“Those are signs of ghosts, not magic.” Minho says, and before either of them can react, he has pulled back the curtains, flooding the room with sunlight. Felix squeals, curling up in his chair with his arms in front of his face like he can protect himself from the burn.
But nothing happens. Hyunjin watches in awe as the light reflects off of Felix’s pale skin and absolutely nothing happens.
Slowly, Felix lowers his arms, looking down at them in disbelief. It is like he’s seeing the sunlight for the first time, looking at how it moves on his skin in wonder while twisting his arms around as if he’s testing that every spot can tolerate it.
“It worked.” Hyunjin breathes.
“Of course it did.” Minho says, but there’s a softness in his eyes as he watches Felix. He looks a little proud even, that he turned Felix’s life upside down so easily, and he has every right to be. Neither of them will ever be able to thank Minho enough.
“I don’t know how to thank you.” Felix says, finally looking up from his arms. His face lights up when he sees the bright street outside, and there are tears balancing in his lashes.
“I’m your friend, you don’t have to repay me. Just live your life.” Minho says shyly, never one for compliments or affection. Felix is out of his chair in a split second, crossing the room faster than Hyunjin’s eyes can follow, and wrapping Minho in a tight hug. Minho’s eyes widen, his arms flailing before hesitantly landing on Felix’s back. He looks about as comfortable as a wet cat, but he accepts the hug.
“Thank you.” Felix’s voice holds a lot of weight, and too many emotions to distinguish them. He pulls back from the hug and looks out of the window, standing so close that his nose touches the glass. There’s relief in his body language, all of the weight gone from his shoulders.
“What else can you do?” Felix asks timidly, and Hyunjin hears his real question. Can you fix anything else?
“There is a spell to take away immortality, but it would revert you to the state you were in right before becoming a vampire.” Minho says with an apologetic smile. Hyunjin watches Felix’s face light up only to fall in disappointment and thinks that Minho could’ve worded himself differently.
“Which was dead.” Felix says, unknowingly sending a stab of pain through Hyunjin’s chest. He will never forgive himself for not being there when Felix died. “I had to at least ask, or I would’ve never stopped wondering.”
“I know it’s not a lot, but some vampires regain their taste for human food.” Minho says, possibly hoping to offer some comfort.
“Really?” Felix smiles excitedly. It isn’t much, but it’s something. Another thing Felix thought he had lost forever.
“You can learn to eat again, but it won’t be taste good at first. You can try to put blood on the food while you get used to the flavours.” Minho talks about it so casually, but it is probably as normal to him as anything human, since he’s grown up knowing about these things.
“That’s still great news. With sunlight and food back in my life, I can come to terms with the rest. Thank you, hyung.” Felix says, pulling him into another quick hug. Then he looks at Hyunjin, “Can we order pizza?”
“We can order anything you want.” Hyunjin smiles, relieved to see Felix so engaged. He hasn’t spoken this much in weeks. Hyunjin knows that Felix isn’t fixed, it will take time to heal what was broken, but he can start to heal now.
Felix still has to face an eternal life without many human joys, but he has the sun now. He can go back to working during the day, interacting with customers like he loves. And he can go on walks, sit outside to watch the sunset, lay in the park for hours, wake up to sunlight on his face.
It is a huge step toward accepting his existence. It is possible for him to accept what he is now.
And so they find themselves on the porch, eating pizza and watching the sunset. Felix cringes around every bite of food, but he forces it down without complaints. All of his attention seems to be on the sun, the beautiful colours that come along with the last rays of the day.
Hyunjin had almost forgotten how beautiful he looked in the sun. The way the warm light catches in his eyelashes and accentuates his freckles, gives his skin warmth and life, and turns his eyes to gold. He can get used to the sight. He can get used to seeing Felix smile again, to see the life in his eyes, and hear his laugh.
The truth is that he never got used to not seeing it, and seeing Felix happy and hopeful again feels like coming home.