Chapter Text
I hurried out the door, dropping a few papers from my full hands.
I mentally braced myself for the huge crowds of people in the hallway going their next period, I watched over the faces of students as I continued to walk pass them I heard the chatter in the hallway the second that door opened and it was clear that it was going to be a rough 30 seconds of trying to get to my next period. But that was when it was regular schedule, however for me, it wasn't. I saw them walking and almost rushing to their classes or attending places that I had no business going to they were going places I usually had time for but not today. I walked past a group of girls who had colorful accessories on them they wore lip gloss that shined in the light and made their lips sparkle, those girls all looked like the average sophomore in Georgia but their style has an edge of sharpness to it that couldn't let others take them for granted. As I walked by them I eavesdropped on their conversation, I knew I probably shouldn't have but I couldn't help myself for having excellent hearing (And they were also right next to me but forget about that), I hear one girl that had baggy distressed jeans talk to another girl who had a pink headband and long box braids "Girl, you should just ask Jordan out! I heard that he's single again after his last break up." She implied, the pink head band girl seemed momentarily confused as if she was just hearing this information for the first time ."What-?" another girl with red baggy cargo jeans and false eyelashes spoke next ."Girl we all know you have a crush on him! You should ask him out, give it a chance" The girl laughed lightly. "It's not like he's gone' slap you!" The girl with distressed jeans complained. "I don't know! Guys I'm scared.." The pink head band girl nervously exclaimed as all of her friends groaned "Oh my God" syncing their voices together with that same agitation, mumbling smart remarks under their breaths.
I almost laughed at them as I continue to walk by, those girls reminded me of how most girls would be when they had crushes on boys for the first time I knew that feeling like I knew the back of my own hand. It would always be surprising at first but once they realize what their feeling there's no going back or returning it, their brains had already decided who they'd be attracted to. Their voices became distant as I politely shoved through the slow walkers in the hallway ignoring their pointless remarks towards me. I began to think about the guy those girls were talking about they said his name is Jordan, I knew a lot of people who were named Jordan however I didn't know which Jordan they were talking about so I couldn't tell him.
Actually, it wouldn't make sense to do that anyway, I didn't want to steal that girl's shot of asking him out herself.
I am known for minding my business at school and in public. I don't know who anybody is so I shouldn't dare to think I should jump into their business, it's completely reasonable as for why I should not assume stuff and go tell someone about it or act on my own actions and not think about what I am doing.
Numerous of times I've heard about people who never minded their own and they ended up in situations my parents would never let me get into, those kids are the ones who grew up in spite.
The ones who never had an option or the slightest possible solution to their situation. Those stories on the news reminds me of that every once in a while especially living in Georgia.
The ones who hadn't been seen enough to be free.
I clutch the papers in my hands as those thoughts tangle up my head I started to feel a bit bad for everyone who cannot get help, who doesn't have proper care in the world. However, I stopped my flight of thoughts as I almost made it to the end of the hallway I see everyone walking or playing around with their friends and not a single teacher in sight through this carbon chaos, I stopped for a second near an water fountain just so I can get away from all the crowds of people they were making me feel a tad nervous I looked down at my shoes for a while just trying to clear my head before it gets too melancholy as I do so I hear two boys playing around with each I glanced their way to see them laugh together.
One boy with a designer beanie and blonde dreadlocks tried to get away from the other, this boy had black glasses and blue braces. "What do you mean you can't do this— Bitch I'll make you—Come over here!" The boy with glasses amused, his friend was shaking his head and laid his arms out preventing him from slapping him with a Sock? "No— bro please don't-"The boy with the beanie tried to talk in between his laughs but his friend abruptly interrupted him with a slap to the head with that same cyan sock. I let out a snicker to prevent myself from bursting out in laughs, I smirked and then it slowly formed into a genuine smile.
I had friends too, just didn't talked to them as much as I wanted to. I would mostly chat with them on text messages whenever I was bored or curious I mostly talked about how I felt during a bad day or if there's anything concerning happening with my parents that just needed my friends attention. I rarely talk to my friends now because of distance and work we have to do, I guess having different high school's meant new experiences with higher expectations. Its not that I'm complaining it's just that I have to deal with being away from them for hours and on top of that our parents won't let us see each other because of trust issues! I sigh and began my journey again, nothing is ever fair when you're a teenager.
I continued to walk around people who were being way too slow for this hour of the day and that's when I started to think about my friends again and how we would sometimes walk slower than other people because we were talking to each other about stuff that we couldn't talk about on text messages, or even online. We had to talk about how our day will go in person what we're doing after school in person or even some activities we were thinking about doing in person! So much stuff we can talk about online but what's the authentication in that?
I'd rather feel the real experience than just play around with something that makes up for it.
The voices in this very unfocused hallway began to get louder by the second it became louder to the point I couldn't even hear myself think! I exhaled deeply and squeezed my plushie turtle that was attached to my purse, touching soft items that were squishy and squeezable always made me feel better even in the most calming but slight inconvenience situations I was so happy I found my plushie turtle that day I remember like it was everything.
I was walking to school after missing the bus, again, I didn't have anybody to drive or take me to school in the morning. Mom had already gotten to work and Dad was already busy with his own things so I was just all by myself. I never liked walking alone on grass without sidewalks it made me have a sense of unnerving paranoia that was lurking around me, it almost felt like a shadow touching my skin but nothing was there. And not to mention the animals and wild life I might've endured while walking, well the only animal I saw was a stray cat. Thankfully the cat didn't scratch or bite me but it looked pretty dark in the shadows of the early morning light so I couldn't tell if it was a black cat or a brown one but as soon as it began to walk its way towards me I at first felt a bit alarmed at the sudden movement but then it all stopped when that first meow came out of its little body.
I couldn't help myself but to give into this want of petting the cat so that's exactly what I did for a few seconds
Its fur was so soft and delicate like fables of wool and yarn if I could stay longer I would've however I knew school would begin soon so I sucked up that feeling of sadness and lifted my hand away from the mammal and just as I did it purred on my calves and meowed as if it were signaling me to stay. I thought about the most logical step of action to do at that moment, I'd either continue walking and not look back or I'd continue walking and take the stray cat with me?
The cat did make my paranoia go away within an instant of its touch and I didn't want to go back to that gross lumpy feeling in my throat again by walking alone.
I never wanted to feel that way.
Never again, not after last year. With a hard groan I made my decision and began to walk forward while the cat followed me I didn't mind that the cat followed me, in fact I was much more grateful it did! The more steps I took the more I came familiar with the earth beyond me, the sun was just beginning to rise over the trees and as it did I had a much better sense of my surroundings with the peering light between the trees helping my vision clearly meanwhile the cat stayed by my side meowing occasionally as it followed me their presence was much more comforting than the eerie chill of being alone.
Now that chill just felt like a simple breeze; I smiled to myself, the weight of my worries gone by a small mammal that is my favorite and will always be my favorite, how was that such a silly little thing. I couldn't help but chuckle and inhale deeply, I breathed in the fresh cold air of the early morning and reached down to pet the now deep gray cat(I recognized the color after the sun rose higher) and let it rub its head all over my hand. I giggled a bit and eventually tried to play with it, I'd grab a damp stick nearby and tried to get the small cat to catch it before I pulled away. It's attention was completely on the stick I found it adorable and played with the cat more and as I did I barely noticed the car that pulled up right beside me on the road.
"This is so funny--"I said, before I heard a car horn honk abruptly. The cat flinched in fear as it successfully stole the stick away from my grasp, meanwhile, I slowly turned my head around to smell the fresh scent of leaky car oil and an old man in his truck with his window down staring directly into my soul.
The man inhaled slowly before asking me a question.
"Do you need a ride?" The man said, his voice had a raspy edge to it with the hint of a classic southern accent. At first, I was more nervous than a sinner at church! I did not know who in the world that old man was or what his business was doing out here asking a teenage girl if I needed a ride to school! Of course I needed a ride to school I was out here in the fields next to trees and occasional houses and I need to get there faster, as much as I love playing with the cat and how the cat eased me made me feel welcomed into it's life, I couldn't stay with it forever.
With a deep inhale through my nose and a short exhale through my mouth I prepared myself for a ridicule response.
"Um-No! I do not need a ride somewhere I am just playing with my cat before I go back-"I tried to keep my voice steady and not so shaky. I couldn't let this old guy know I'm a nervous wreck. That would totally kill my fake exterior.
The old man huffed in responsive- he must've couldn't believe the words that were spuming out of my mouth.
I nervously smiled at him while trying to remain eye contact between his cerulean eyes and my mahogany ones, the old man seemed he was about 40 or 50 years old. I could tell by the deep-set wrinkles on his face and his white as snow hair he had a red and blue cap on and he looked like he'd kill deer's for days and cook them as breakfast for months. He was a south man indeed- I could sense it from the rusted out truck he drove to the plaid flannel he wore and to the country gospel he had full volume on from his car radio.
"You sure, kid? I have some space for one more passenger, that backpack is a give a way to where you're heading to" He offered, I wanted to tell the man to leave me the hell alone and to mind his business before I whoop his pedophile ass, however my time was running out every second I wasted talking to this man and from the looks of it I would be later than usual anyways. I looked back to previously see if the cat was still here with me and I thankfully it was I then looked back at the old man and made up my mind.
God, please save me.
I look out an annoyed groan under my breathe and rolled my eyes
"Ok fine! I do need a ride to school, now would you please-"Before I could finish my brief 'Leave-me-alone' statement a voice cut me off
"Oh Darrell, we should probably leave, wouldn't want to scare this little girl off. We've gotten our answer" A sweet female voice came contact with my ears and I tried to look far into the old man's truck to look for her but she was barely noticeable from my point of view, the old man turned his attention from mines to the ladies to probably bicker to her and as soon as he did one thought came into my mind;
Make a run for it
So that's exactly what I did
I immediately made a sharp turn, picked up the cat, and carried it in my arms while I ran like hell.
I remembered everything in that silly moment where my instincts finally kicked in and I ran like there was a crazy killer after me, I was almost devastated when I realized there was no point in running anymore when I had noticed that I was running in the wrong way to my school I was running into a dead end behind a neighborhood. But then, I had finally stopped and let them take me into their truck while I sadly had to let go of the beautiful dark gray cat that I adjourned deeply.
Well isn't this just swell!
I had finally gotten away from those people when I had to get dragged back by them and then I have to let go of this cat? I didn't want to.
But I knew I had to
The cat jumped out of my arms and ran off into the woods where it belonged, I almost felt sad for the cat but I closed the truck doors and let the old people drive me to school where I "belonged"
"Well you sure had fun didn't you? Running like a track star." The woman laughed, I nervously chuckled at the inconvenience her husband laughed too as he continued to drive off on the road. I had learned their names from previously when I was running, Darrell and Rosaline, they seemed like a lovely couple who made cookies every Sunday afternoon after coming home from church.
"Yeah I would've guessed you were one of those pro athletes from how fast you ran" Darrell amused, I shrugged slightly. I worked out 5 days a week I guess those days really paid off.
The rest of the ride consisted us just talking about regular things old folks and teenagers would; Life
And the old people actually seemed pretty nice, I guess I was too early to assume things but it didn't stop me from running and I believe it never did.
After 7 minutes I was finally at school and I was there just in time, I opened the squeaky car door and I thanked them for dropping me off .
"You're welcome!" Darrell said, I stepped out onto the pavement and was about to close the door until Rosaline decided to give me something. "Oh wait here! Have this" She handed me a stuffed turtle and I gently took it into my hands as I smiled and closed the door, I waved at them while I watched them drive off.
Those old people reminded me of how the world can easily be good sometimes the world could be despite all of the chaos that lives inside of it. And I couldn't love the world more when the little things show me that it's worth everything else that doesn't make me nearly as happy as the little things do.
I continued to walk through all of the people in the hallway, I knew why I wasn't going to class or anywhere else I was going to see the person who I knew I couldn't spend a single day without.
My pride swallowed me whole whenever I'd see him and I couldn't let go of such feeling, I don't think I ever can! I heard a teacher talking with some students and that's when I noticed that I was at the end of the hallway I made it to my destination.
I made it to him
I saw the lines of people walking through the main hallway; the one that lead from west to east to north. And then I saw him, he was walking while looking on his phone.
And that's when I became incredibly nervous.
I knew what my friends had told me over messages about what I should do, I remember their words so clearly: “Don't do it! It's too soon—” “Are you crazy, he might just freak out from that-” Those memories of them saying that, I didn't want to listen to them. I didn't care if it was too soon all I want to do is something I’ve been wanting ever since middle school. And if I couldn't do that then, god forbid anything else.
I continued to walk in a hurry not wasting any time on this right now.
I ended up right beside him while he was walking, he glanced up from his phone and I looked at his face as he looked at mine and then he opened his mouth to say something but before he could do anything I was the one who interrupted-
“Hi! So what ya doing on your phone right there?” I said, trying to remain calm despite the fact I had a stomach full of butterflies. This is already going onto a bad start, I thought to myself. “Oh hi!” He said, smiling at me. I tried my best to smile back at him to return the same courtesy without doing anything awkward, why is everything so difficult when I'm in his presence? I peered over slightly to look at his phone screen but he moved it away from my view as soon as I peeked my head over.
“Hey-! No you can't look at my phone” He looked at me and laughed slightly, I love it when he laughs. I nervously scratched the back of my neck and grinned at him and mischievously had a sudden thought; Take his phone
“Well maybe I can't but I sure will try though!” I tried to grab his phone away from his grasp laughing while doing so. I got closer to him to take his device, I just wanted to play around with him for a little bit just so I can ignore that warm feeling in my heart.
“No-!”he laughed. He pulled his phone up in the air and teased me. I played along with him and I tried to grab it away from his reach, I grabbed his wrist and he stepped back slightly and I pulled his arm down but he pushed it back up. My left hand was put on his shoulder to push him away which he did in fact do; But, it faltered.
He pushed me back a little bit and he raised his arm higher to the point he couldn't reach up anymore, he was laughing the entire time while he had his arm up I groaned and jumped repeatedly up and down but nothing worked! Even though it didn't, I couldn't shake the feeling that I liked it when we played around like this, it felt strangely affectionate for me.
“Hey! That's not playing fair!” I tried to jump up and get it again but he was too tall for my liking, I huffed feeling defeated. My hands threw up in frustration and I rolled my eyes at him and laughed, I didn't think this would happen but I was enjoying it so far well more like enjoying this time with him. He smiled more and he let out a final laugh at my struggle before our eyes met each other.
I loved looking at him whenever I could.
“Wow you gave up so easily, I guess that's what you get when you try to steal somebody's phone” He puts his phone away in his pocket and holds his arms out for a hug.
Oh, right
I had almost forgotten about that..
It had been days since we'd seen each other around school because of how different the schedule has been but it felt like forever since I've seen him. I was never used to this feeling before and I don't think I ever will be but missing someone like him isn't like anything else. I chuckled before I spread my arms out and eagerly hugged him tightly, my arms wrapping around him like tape not wanting to let go, I sniffed his jacket and it smelled like dryer sheets as always. It felt like the warmth in my heart was spreading all over my body now that we are so close together. This feeling almost felt euphoric.
I think I'm melting.
He let go of me and put his arms by his side, looking at me. I smiled at him despite the short-lived hug we had as I felt the butterflies in my stomach increase by the second. My hands were shaking a bit and I couldn't stop grinning at him. What is wrong with me he must think I look crazy like this?
“It's nice to see you again since we barely even see each other at all, I wish I could see you more though” He told me…I hear him going on about other stuff when I start to think about the time we spent together over the phone, the days, the weeks, the long months we had fun together in. I think about that and it comes to me as why the reason I like him is so important I didn't want to ruin our friendship but I couldn't help but feel a certain way towards it I like him a lot and I want to be more. And maybe I'll do whatever it takes just to do that…I get interrupted from my thoughts when I hear him call me.
"Are you listening to me?"
He asked, he looked at me and I looked at him, his brown eyes looked into mine I let out a heavy sigh while my heart beat faster.
“Oh yeah I..I am it's just..” I drifted off before finishing my sentence, I slowly started to grab his hands as they intertwine with mines and I tilted my head up and leaned in to kiss him.
.
.
.
Wait, why is nothing happening?
And then I realized that mistakenly my lips had touched his chin instead of his lips causing me to kiss that instead.
I quickly took my lips off his skin and I backed away slowly my hands let go of his and he looked shocked and surprised that I kissed his chin he backed away from me slowly, we just backed away from each other awkwardly until he began to walk away without saying a single word to me. I felt my heart beating in my chest for him as I raise my hand up to my face, I can't believe what I did! My heart continued to beat faster but then it slows down as I get the thought he might not like me anymore as he walked away from me like that. I frowned as my thoughts began to fill in with doubt and worry I hurriedly walked away from the scene that I was in.
I can't believe I just did that!
What was I thinking? Kissing his chin instead of his lips, gosh I'm such a trip!