Archive of Our Own

“You don’t have to do this.”

Mutsumi sat on Nyamu’s dorm room couch, her fingers itching to rub across one another in an attempt to alleviate her anxiety. Unfortunately, there was nothing that would truly chase her fears away right now, and she knew it. Mutsumi refused to glance up and meet gazes with Nyamu and Umiri even as both of her girlfriends turned to look at her, finding the twiddling of her fingers far more interesting. “I can just tell Minami-chan that you don't want to come anymore,” Mutsumi went on. “She might not like it, but I can tell her.”

Nyamu had paused where she was doing her makeup in front of her vanity mirror, and she shook her head before going back to applying her eyeshadow. “We’re not doing this because you’re making us, Muuko,” she replied. “We’re here because we want to be.”

Mutsumi opened her mouth to protest, but she fell still again when she realized she didn’t have the words. She didn’t know if she would say that anyone particularly wanted to be in a situation like this. Or perhaps she was simply biased because she didn’t want to have to be there. The idea had made her uncomfortable back when it was first proposed, and Mutsumi was every bit as uncomfortable with it now as she had been before. She just wanted to pretend it had never been brought up and then go back to the rest of her life, acting as if Minami had never tried to push for this at all. 

~~~~~

A few days prior, Mutsumi, Umiri, and Nyamu had been spending time together at the Wakaba mansion. It gave them the most space to enjoy one another’s company since it was nowhere near as tiny as Umiri’s apartment or Nyamu’s dorm and got them out of the public eye. Mutsumi had thought from the bottom of her heart that they were alone. Her father was out on another tour with his comedy routines, and her mother was supposed to be out at auditions all day. In theory, it was a perfect time for them to hang out. 

In practice, reality was far darker. Mutsumi had gone down into the kitchen with her girlfriends to get glasses of water when she heard the familiar footfall of Minami from deeper in the house. Mutsumi had gone stiff and silent, and she turned to find her mother rushing out of the home like she was on her way to an audition. She should have already been gone. Mutsumi had been counting on her not being around because of the way Minami loved to insert herself into any friendship that Mutsumi ever made. She had already grown a bit too uncomfortably close with Nyamu, and Mutsumi really didn’t want that to repeat again. 

But it was much too late for her to stop it. Minami looked up from her purse when she realized she was not alone, and her face broke out into a wide smile that made Mutsumi flinch. “Nyamu-chan! Umiri-chan!” Minami greeted. “Are you two here for Ave Mujica practice?”

“Ah… No. Not today,” Umiri replied, clearly uncomfortable with how overfamiliar Minami acted. She hadn’t known how to respond the first time Minami ever took her hands after showing off one of her movies, and Umiri didn’t know how to reply this time either. “It’s just the three of us.”

“Why are you here then?” Minami asked, light confusion rising in her eyes as she pulled one of her purse’s straps onto her shoulder entirely. “Mutsumi-chan doesn’t usually have anyone over.”

Mutsumi’s chest went tight. She hadn’t ever explained to her mother that she was in a relationship. She knew that Minami loved the public’s attention, and she had an awful habit of making everything her daughter did into something of a spectacle. She had never understood that Mutsumi was a private person, and if she did see it, then she was choosing to ignore it for some reason or another. Mutsumi had given up on trying to communicate her discomfort years ago, and she had hoped that she would be fine even if she didn’t talk about it… But she was wrong. The truth was always going to come out sooner or later that she had started a relationship with two of her bandmates without telling her mother. Of course Minami was going to find out. It seemed like she always found out about everything Mutsumi did. 

Before Mutsumi had the chance to explain it though, Nyamu took a step forward with a proud, boastful smile on her face. “We’re her girlfriends,” Nyamu explained. “And we were just here to spend some time with our sweet Muuko.” She hooked an arm around Mutsumi’s shoulders, pulling her in tight. Mutsumi felt her pale cheeks flare with heat, and all of a sudden, she feared she was less a person and more a volcano that had somehow burst through the ground of her home. 

Mutsumi would never be able to describe the blend of emotions that shot through Minami’s eyes when she heard those words. “Girlfriends?” she echoed, something bemused finally settling into place in her tiny smile. “I didn’t realize you were close enough with anyone to start dating them, Mutsumi-chan.”

“I…” Mutsumi opened her mouth to explain herself, but the words refused to come. She didn’t know how she was meant to fill her mother in on anything in her personal life. Minami never stayed around long enough for Mutsumi to properly explain herself, and even if she was around, there was always an undercurrent of something dark. Minami had never outright stated that she disliked Mutsumi, but her daughter got the impression anyway. Minami insisted that she loved her sweet daughter more than anything, but Mutsumi always squirmed beneath her gaze and wondered if her life would be simpler if she was left entirely on her own. 

“Of course she is,” Nyamu cut in, wrapping an arm around Umiri’s shoulders next to draw her into the conversation. Umiri was every bit as awkward at the touch as Mutsumi was. She was getting better about physical contact, but that didn’t mean she was ready to show it off in front of an audience. “Umiko and I love her very much, and there’s no one we would rather have in our lives.” Mutsumi’s cheeks only grew warmer at those words, and she felt she was going to explode by the time Nyamu pressed a kiss to her forehead. Any attempts at speech were far from her mind now, and all Mutsumi could do was flounder beneath the tides of Nyamu’s famous love. 

For a long time, Minami’s eyes simply gleamed with that dark jealousy Mutsumi had always pretended to not see as a child. “I see,” Minami finally settled on saying. She pressed her dissatisfaction as far down as it would go a moment later, forcing herself to smile honestly. “I know of you two from Ave Mujica, but it would be an honor to get to know you on a personal level, Nyamu-chan and Umiri-chan. I think it’s different to know you in terms of performance compared to knowing you as my daughter’s girlfriends.” Minami spoke that final word like it was acidic somehow, a citrus with too strong a flavor for her to bear. Mutsumi struggled to not worm around too much in Nyamu’s grasp, yearning to take flight and leave the kitchen behind even if it meant forgetting all about the drink she was going to get from the fridge. 

“You… What?” Umiri asked, finally managing to get enough of a grip on her posture to stand up straight. “What do you mean?”

Minami opened her mouth to continue, but she was cut off by the sharp buzzing of an alarm on her phone. She sighed and shook her head as she silenced it. “I need to get going to an audition, so I don’t have time to talk now, but maybe we can arrange to discuss this more another time,” she began. After only a moment’s thought, Minami’s face lit up with an idea. “How about you two come over for dinner in a few days? I’ll make sure our chefs cook up the best meal possible. We can get to know one another over dinner.”

Mutsumi’s chest went tight enough to nearly stop her heart from beating. How could Minami just ask for something like that? She didn’t even eat dinner with Mutsumi most of the time, unable to stand the idea of spending more than a few minutes in her daughter’s presence. Mutsumi had grown used to spending her meals alone as she got older, and this… This was unheard of. Mutsumi had only ever had multiple friends over for dinner once, and that was back when Ave Mujica came by prior to their disbanding. This would make it only the second time, and… And it was happening because Minami wanted to get to know her girlfriends. 

Mutsumi didn’t think she had ever heard a worse idea. She didn’t want to put Nyamu or Umiri in a position like that. They had more than enough to deal with, and Mutsumi knew how intense her mother could be at times. Mutsumi struggled to be around her mother sometimes despite desperately craving the company. She couldn’t even imagine how her girlfriends would feel. On top of that, it was set to happen over dinner. Umiri hated eating in front of people, and Nyamu was always restrictive about what she ate for the sake of maintaining appearances. How could either one of them be comfortable with the idea of sharing a meal with their girlfriend’s mother?

Mutsumi didn’t know how she was going to explain all of this to Minami, but she knew she had to at least try and turn the offer down. Surely Minami didn’t need to know why Mutsumi was declining. She could just say that they didn’t want to, and that would be the end of it. Sure, Minami would probably be passive aggressive around her for a while after she said it, but Mutsumi vastly preferred that to making either one of her girlfriends uncomfortable. Mortis would be there to support her through any struggles with her mother. She would be fine. So long as she was able to keep from dragging her partners into this, then–

“We’ll do it.”

Nyamu’s voice shocked all of them, and Mutsumi looked up to find her girlfriend looking in Minami’s eyes with a fire unlike anything else. She was determined in a way that Mutsumi had never seen her, like she was on the verge of burning down the building and everyone in it with her stubbornness alone. “Just give us the date, and we’ll be there,” Nyamu went on. 

Umiri was every bit as shocked as Mutsumi, and she shared a glance with the green-haired girl around Nyamu’s sideways embrace of them both. Umiri seemed uncomfortable already by the idea of having to share a table with Minami, someone who she was far from fine with eating around, and the dinner hadn’t even started. This was just why Mutsumi had wanted to turn it down. If she had just spoken a little bit faster, then–

Minami smiled brightly, and her eyes crinkled at the corners. “Perfect! I’ll have Mutsumi-chan text you the details once I’ve worked them out. I’ll let you know when my schedule is open.” Her phone buzzed again a moment later, and Minami checked it before tucking it back in her bag. “I’m sorry to leave you like this, but I really have to get going. I’ll see you at our dinner!” 

Minami cast one last wave over her shoulder before she walked out through the front door, and Mutsumi stared after her in stunned silence. It wasn’t until she was certain the limo carrying her mother had driven away that Mutsumi let herself move again. She looked up at Nyamu, anxiety making her heart beat impossibly faster. “Nyamu, why did you–”

Nyamu shook her head, and all that fire in her eyes was doused by something far darker that Mutsumi wanted to push but didn’t know how. “I just think this is an opportunity for us,” she announced. “We can get to know your mother and spend a bit more time with her. Who wouldn’t want to get to know their partner’s family?”

Mutsumi wanted to protest, but she couldn’t think of a reason. She wanted to say that her mother made her uncomfortable, that she didn’t know if Minami actually loved her the way she should have. Mutsumi knew nothing of other people and their relationships with their mothers though. For all she knew, she could have been reading too much into it and that her mother was fine. Maybe it was her problem for not knowing how to exist in Minami’s presence without wanting to bury herself in the darkness. It must have been a personal flaw that she couldn’t be around her mother and be happy at the same time. 

Umiri let out a sigh, pulling Nyamu’s arm off her shoulders. “If you want to do this, then fine,” she agreed, though it was clear by the jagged edges to her tone that she was hardly satisfied with the idea of having to be around Minami extensively. Umiri looked at Nyamu for a few moments, trying to study all the tiny details of her girlfriend’s expression. “But–”

“There are no buts about it!” Nyamu declared, her voice a little bit too loud and scathing for the atmosphere. “We’re going to have a nice dinner together, and we’re going to get to know Muuko’s mother. What’s not to love about that?”

Mutsumi didn’t answer, and Umiri didn’t either. They didn’t know where they would even start if they tried. 

~~~~~

Since then, Mutsumi had replayed the conversation over in her mind more times than she could ever hope to count. She still didn’t understand why Nyamu had agreed to this so easily. Nyamu had talked over both her and Umiri when they would have said no, but she didn’t seem to care. It was like she had something to prove, but Mutsumi didn’t know where to start when it came to figuring out what it was. 

Now, the three of them were getting ready for their dinner in Nyamu’s dorm because she had insisted on making sure they looked their best. Nyamu had helped Mutsumi to select a cute dress that would fit both her and Mortis well. She had also helped Umiri to refine her rough around the edges style into something a bit more formal for an event like this. Nyamu had already done a bit of makeup for Mutsumi, though Umiri had insisted on not bothering. Mutsumi wouldn’t have done it either, but Mortis liked the feeling of Nyamu applying makeup to her face, and at this point, they needed all the joy they could get out of the night. Mutsumi doubted they would be getting anything from it once they arrived at the Wakaba manor. 

“But do you really want to do this?” Mutsumi asked, clenching her fingers against the hem of her skirt. “You don't have to come if you don't want to. I can tell Minami-chan that something came up last minute. She won’t ask you about it at all. I promise.”

“We’ve already come this far,” Umiri hummed, her gaze distant as she looked out the window at the far end of Nyamu’s room. “We may as well see it through. There could be some good to come from all of this. It’s normal for romantic partners to meet one another’s families, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but…” Mutsumi tried to protest. She didn’t know if she wanted to expose her partners to Minami specifically. Minami always seemed to do anything in her power to not acknowledge her daughter, and Mutsumi didn’t know if she would be able to stand her mother trying to talk over her for the entire meal. She also doubted she would be able to convince Mortis to get through the entire dinner without making a scene. Mortis had given up on trying to hide herself, and while that hadn’t been a problem when Minami was constantly out of the house on various acting jobs, it would be a problem when they had to share a dinner table. 

“It’s all going to be fine,” Nyamu assured her as she slipped on her lip gloss for the night. Once it was applied, Nyamu popped her lips to make sure it was going to hold and spun around in her chair. “We’re going to enjoy some lovely rich people food, and we can have fun with each other too. And if it ends up being overwhelming, then we can just go and hang out somewhere else after the fact. It’ll be fine.”

“But what if I don't want to do it?” Mortis suddenly burst out, breaking through Mutsumi’s attempts to maintain a common mask even before they could arrive at their destination. “I don’t like being around Minami-chan. She always makes me feel…” Mortis tried to put a finger on the specific emotion, but she couldn’t come up with it, and she gave up with a huff, leaning back on Nyamu’s bed and laying on her hair. “You know what I mean.”

“It’s going to be alright,” Nyamu insisted. She crossed the room toward her bed, taking Mortis’ hand in her own and pulling her upright once more. “We’re going to show your mother how much we love you, and you’ll be able to enjoy a wonderful dinner date with your girlfriends. Afterward, we can even play some music together if you’d like. Or we can do anything else you want. Just say the word.”

Mortis whined as she let out a prolonged sigh. “Fine.” She hauled herself to her feet as Nyamu began to thread a few fingers through a tangle that had appeared in her hair when she laid down. “But if this goes wrong, then you can’t say that we didn’t warn you, got it?”

“Deal,” Nyamu agreed with a winning smile, though Mutsumi found herself struggling to believe in its confidence. There was something burning about the way Nyamu was carrying herself, like a fire trying to break free of the hearth to consume everything that surrounded it. Mutsumi found Nyamu warm in the face of her own comparatively cold emotions, but right now, it felt like the pyre wanted to consume her completely and leave her as nothing but ash. 

Mutsumi was the first to walk toward the door, forcing herself to breathe through each step as she slipped her shoes on. She was going to be fine. She just had to make it through one dinner with her mother. How hard could that be? She would have her girlfriends by her side, and neither Nyamu nor Umiri would abandon her. They were going to stay together, and everything would be fine. 

Mutsumi’s heart burned at the thought of sharing a table with her mother, but she forced the flames to grow still and silent. She would be fine. Of course she would be… But she didn’t understand why she couldn’t just believe it.

~~~~~

Nyamu moved to walk after Mutsumi after she left the dorm first, but before she had the chance, Umiri appeared in her way. Umiri had crossed the entire room in an instant with her long legs, determined to keep Nyamu from leaving just yet. The set of Umiri’s face was intense, and Nyamu found herself looking at her other girlfriend with a muted frown. “What is all of this really about?” Umiri pressed. “You agreed to have dinner with Minami-san awfully quickly.”

Nyamu pressed a smile on her face, ignoring the fact that she was masking like Nyamuchi around the people she felt safest with. “I just want to get to know my girlfriend’s family as well as I can. That’s not a crime, is it?”

Umiri’s eyes narrowed. “It’s not… But you have something else on your mind, don’t you?”

Nyamu had to fight to keep from flinching. Of course she had something else on her mind… But it wasn’t something she wanted to share with Umiri. It wasn’t something she was ever planning on telling Mutsumi or Mortis about either. The best thing Nyamu could do was dance around it for as long as possible, pretending that she hadn’t ever heard a thing and waiting until the world forgot about the secrets she had been told. 

It had been months since the day Minami told Nyamu that she thought of her daughters as monsters. Well, Minami only said daughter singular. She didn’t know about Mortis. She didn’t know that she was describing what it was like for her to put her child through such torment that there were daughters plural to begin with. Minami was miserable around her own flesh and blood, and she ran away from Mutsumi and Mortis with every spare moment she had. It did not matter that she had donated her body and her aura to create them; Minami wanted nothing to do with them. 

And she had expected Nyamu to agree with her. She thought that Nyamu’s insecurities would allow her to excuse such horrific things. Nyamu had been jealous of Mutsumi and especially Mortis at the time. That much was true. Still, she liked to think that she was above agreeing to something like neglect simply because she wanted to be the best performer she could be. Nyamu loved her family more than anything. She thought of her siblings and parents each day, and she truly let herself smile and laugh whenever she was around them or calling them every week. To Nyamu, family was love, and she couldn’t have asked for anything better. 

Once upon a time, Nyamu had been envious of Mutsumi and Sakiko for their wealth. Now, she had a few months of distance and the power of hindsight, and she knew that no matter how jealous she got of their riches, it would never make them happy. Sakiko’s grandfather had tried to cage her like a bird, and she ran away from home multiple times to escape the harm he brought. Mutsumi’s mother thought of her as a monster and would have done anything to avoid being around her. They may have been wealthy, but they certainly were not happy with families like that. Sakiko had managed to escape and was now living with Uika, but Mutsumi… Mutsumi and Mortis were both trapped with Minami. Even though Minami wasn’t home often, she was still a horrible presence, and she haunted her daughters and all the roles they played. Minami was still hurting them, and as far as Nyamu could tell, that pain was going to last forever. 

Perhaps it was selfish pride that had made Nyamu agree to the dinner. Maybe she didn’t care about Mutsumi’s fears, Mortis’ rage, or Umiri’s anxieties when she said that they would be there. Nyamu couldn’t stand the idea of Minami sitting back and feeling validated in the thought that her daughters were monsters. Nyamu could see right through what Minami was thinking and saying. Minami was shocked that Mutsumi had managed to find partners because she was surprised that anyone could stand to be around her daughter enough to love her. Minami was shocked that Nyamu had decided to reach out for that overwhelmingly bright light to make it her own. Minami was convinced that Nyamu was making a mistake, and she wanted to use this dinner as a chance to pick apart her psyche and prove that she was right when she said her daughters were unlovable. 

But Nyamu wasn’t going to let her win. Her idol was a miserable woman and an even worse mother, and while Nyamu couldn’t say that to her face, she could do something else. She could prove in any small way she could that she was happy. She could show Mutsumi and Mortis off with a smile on her lips and pride in her heart. She could make sure Minami knew that it had been a mistake to talk so horribly about her child in front of her future partner. Nyamu knew that trying to prove herself like this wasn’t going to fix anything. If Minami could be convinced to truly love her daughter, then she would have done so ages ago. Nyamu’s own love, however, would not be stopped, and she wanted Minami to touch it and feel her skin begin to melt from its force. 

Nyamu had thought a few times about mentioning to the others what Minami had told her. She wondered if she could get Umiri to give her advice about it in her unique Umiko way. She had also wondered if perhaps Mutsumi and Mortis had a right to know what their mother thought of them. In the end though, Nyamu had never found the heart to be honest with them. She didn’t want to have to look them in the eyes and say what she knew. It was simply too much. So she decided that if she wasn’t going to tell them, then she would take matters into her own hands, and right now, that meant proving everything she could to Minami over this dinner. Nyamu would play the meal and its matching conversation like a chess match, and she would do everything in her power to make sure Minami understood her intentions. 

Nyamu shook her head once she was able to get a grip on her composure again. “Not at all. I just want to go and enjoy some good food,” she answered. Umiri knew it was a lie; of course she did. Nyamu was always strict about what she ate for the sake of maintaining her perfect appearance as both Amoris and Nyamuchi. Umiri had similar habits of struggling with what she ate, and it had only been recently that they started to feel comfortable enough with each other to eat together. Even so, Nyamu was always careful about what she consumed while Umiri opted for drinks much more often than solids. Nyamu would be enjoying good food only as much as she would be enjoying the hospitality, and it was a debate as to if Nyamu would be enjoying Minami’s hospitality at all. 

Nyamu didn’t give Umiri the chance to push her. Instead, she swerved around her girlfriend toward the door, pulling it open and going out into the hallway where Mutsumi was waiting. Nyamu could tell by her posture that she was anxious, and she set one hand on her green-haired girlfriend’s shoulder. Mutsumi jolted at the touch. “It’s going to be alright,” Nyamu assured her. “You can trust me.”

A million thoughts stormed through Mutsumi’s head as her lips fell into a tightly-knit frown. She was upset, but she still found a way to look perfectly beautiful. Loving her was so easy even in her darkest moments, and Nyamu would forever despise Minami for not seeing it for herself. “Alright,” Mutsumi murmured thickly. “If you say so.”

~~~~~

Mortis remained on edge throughout the entire journey to the Wakaba manor. She had to fight to keep from rambling on the way there. The only thing that stopped her in the end was the knowledge that she wouldn’t know how to put her feelings to words even if she tried. Instead, Mortis settled for bouncing her leg against the ground of the train, wishing that she had Mutsumi’s guitar there just to hug it for some small degree of comfort. In the end, she also wound up clutching Umiri’s hand like it was the only anchor keeping her from drifting out to sea. 

Mortis didn’t know how to describe her feelings about Minami Mori. She could say the same about Takafumi Wakaba, as a matter of fact. Mortis had been around them both a lot in the past, but she hadn’t ever known how to interact with them. They wanted a perfectly social daughter sometimes, and Mortis was there to fill that role. When they sought a perfect doll to stand on the sidelines, then Mutsumi would step up to handle it instead. Mortis did everything she could to protect Mutsumi, and sometimes, it even led to her keeping her safe from them. 

Mortis didn’t know all that much about what other families were meant to be like. For a long time, her only experiences were with the Wakaba family, and she didn’t know if she would even call it her family so much as it was one she had wound up in because of her desire to protect Mutsumi. Minami didn’t feel like her mother at all; she just felt like someone who tolerated Mortis for the sake of maintaining appearances she did not believe in. 

Years ago, Mutsumi had started to think into the silence that her mother didn’t like her much. At the time, she had felt evil for it, believing that only a horrible daughter would ever imagine that her mother hated her. As the months drew on and then transformed into years though, Mutsumi became surer of herself. She saw it in every tiny detail about Minami’s demeanor. Minami always seemed to wince when Mutsumi spoke a little bit too loudly, like she was upset her daughter had even implied she wanted to step out of line. Minami never spent much time with Mutsumi at all, and she disappeared the instant it seemed like she may have been getting close enough to actually learn what Mutsumi was like. Mutsumi had wondered for a long time what she was doing wrong, and the thought still crossed her mind sometimes. 

As long as Mutsumi struggled to feel comfortable and safe around Minami, Mortis’ feelings on her were certain. If Mutsumi didn’t want to be around Minami, then Mortis hated her. Mortis was there to look after Mutsumi, and if Minami was making her unhappy, then Mortis wanted her gone. Maybe it was for the best that Minami hadn’t checked up on them at all when Mortis was having a month-long breakdown in her bedroom. Mortis probably would have started to shout at her for hurting Mutsumi anyway. 

Mortis had never truly exploded at Minami before even though she felt like she wanted to more than anything. Mutsumi had needed her to keep the peace, and that meant Mortis couldn’t ruin everything by screaming at Minami that she hated her. Mortis wouldn’t have known what to say anyway; she had always struggled with describing how she felt about Minami. She could try, and she most certainly had, but it was never enough. For once, Mortis felt like she needed her own words to describe her feelings, and there was nothing she could borrow that would feel sufficient. 

Mortis could say, however, that she didn’t want to go to this dinner. If it went as poorly as she was fearing, then she was going to make sure Nyamu held true to her promise to take them out for something sweeter after the fact. Mortis wasn’t going to let that fade away on the wind. Mortis was certain she was going to need a way to decompress once it was over, and she needed Nyamu to be there for her as she had sworn. Mortis didn’t know if she would be able to stand looking Minami in the eyes once the dinner actually started, and that was why Mutsumi was handling it. Mutsumi didn’t want to cause any problems with Minami. They had discussed it extensively before going to Nyamu’s dorm to get ready. As long as they had to live under the roof of the Wakaba house, they were going to have to get along with Minami. Mutsumi could pretend she was alright with the way she was being treated by being quiet, so she would handle as much of the dinner as possible. 

That didn’t mean Mortis was leaving it to her alone though. The instant she saw any signs of Minami pushing too far or in the wrong direction, Mortis would take over, and she would say anything and everything she had to in order to take care of Mutsumi. Everything was for her beloved Mutsumi, and Mortis was more than fine with picking a fight with Minami in order to prove it. 

When the train finally slid to a stop, Mutsumi took control of their shared body and stood up. She continued to hold tightly to Umiri’s hand, and Umiri squeezed it in return. “Are you going to be alright?” Umiri asked softly. She didn’t seem to entirely understand Mutsumi and Mortis’ discomfort around Minami, but she was still determined to do everything in her power to make the dinner as painless for them as possible. 

Mutsumi nodded, but Mortis felt the heat of tears starting to sting at their shared eyes. Mutsumi was a lot more anxious about this than she was trying to let on. “I will be,” Mutsumi murmured even though she clearly didn’t believe it. 

Within the domain of their mind, Mortis came up behind Mutsumi, wrapping her arms around her in a hug. Mutsumi sank backward into the embrace, closing her eyes along the way. “It’s going to be okay, Mutsumi-chan,” Mortis assured her. “I’ll be here to protect you. I won’t let her hurt you.”

Mutsumi raised her hands to touch Mortis' arms. “I know… Thank you.”

Mortis pressed a kiss to Mutsumi’s cheek. “There’s nothing I would rather do.”

~~~~~

To put it simply, Umiri was not looking forward to this. 

She couldn’t quite say for certain when she had started to struggle with her relationship to food, but she knew that it was almost impossible for her to escape now. Umiri thought of food as an inconvenience most days, something she had to interrupt her schedule to think about every few hours. She did her best to make it as simple an affair as possible even though others would say that she wasn’t getting enough variety in her diet. Umiri only ever seemed to eat in peace when she was back at home with her family, and even so, it was a strained sense of tranquility. Umiri ate for the sake of making them happy and not worrying them, but afterward, she always felt like she had enjoyed it a bit too much. 

Umiri felt like she was constantly stuck in cycles of indulgence. Either she was holding back and not letting herself enjoy anything at all or she was drowning herself in it, trying to enjoy everything in any tiny way she could. She had been told before that it wasn’t healthy and that there were better ways of handling situations like this, but Umiri couldn’t seem to find a way to break the routine. She didn’t want to do too much. She never wanted to burden others or ask for more than she was given. She had moved out of her family’s home to live on her own, and in order to keep herself afloat, she had to be careful with her budgeting. Sometimes, that meant that food became less of a priority than the random impulse purchase she used to fill some strange void in the center of her chest. That was fine. If she indulged too much in one way, then she was going to have to compensate for it by holding back in another way. 

Nyamu and Mutsumi didn’t ask much about her eating habits, and Umiri knew that was because they were trying to not be asked in return. Nyamu didn’t eat as much as she could have because she was firm about wanting to maintain a certain appearance. Mutsumi, on the other hand, got so anxious sometimes that she could barely even entertain the idea of food. Mortis got worked up in much the same way, and it was a battle to get either one of them to have more than a few nibbles of a meal when they got too caught up in their thoughts. 

Umiri really didn’t know why this entire affair had to be a dinner specifically. If Nyamu wanted to introduce her girlfriends to Minami that badly, then couldn’t it have just been a conversation? It didn’t need to have food involved when that would make them all infinitely more uncomfortable. A dinner would force them all to stick around until the meal was finished, and Umiri had no idea how extravagant Minami would want to go for something like this. It was difficult to get a read on Minami in general, and Umiri couldn’t imagine that getting any easier throughout the remainder of the night. 

On one hand, Umiri was looking forward to having the chance to eat whatever she wanted and how much of it when she didn’t have to pay for it. On the other hand, she feared that she would be indulging a little bit too much. She had only recently started to recognize that perhaps her relationship to food was unhealthy, and it had all been thanks to a subtle comment from Nyamu a few weeks ago followed by a much more blatant observation from Mortis. Umiri had more than enough on her mind when it came to food as it was, and Minami was only going to make it worse. Minami seemed like she was going to make just about everything worse that night. 

But Umiri was determined to give the best impression she could. Even after sharing a meal with Minami back before Ave Mujica’s breakup, Umiri really hadn’t felt like she understood Mutsumi’s mother that much. The only one who really seemed to click with Minami was Nyamu, and something about Nyamu’s opinions regarding Minami had changed along the way. Once upon a time, Nyamu had wanted to push for Minami using her contacts to help her to rise through the ranks of the world. Since then, Nyamu had grown passive aggressive in her presence, and Umiri had no idea how or why it had happened. 

Umiri wanted to push Nyamu into revealing the truth. She wanted to apply as much pressure as she had to in order to convince Nyamu to finally be honest, but she knew it wasn’t going to work in the slightest. Nyamu had already decided that she wasn’t going to say anything, and Umiri wouldn’t be able to talk her into it as long as Mutsumi was around. Whatever the reason for this change of demeanor was, it must have had something to do with Mutsumi. Umiri couldn’t say she knew much about social graces, but she at least had the decency to not talk about Minami too much around Mutsumi and Mortis. They had complicated enough feelings about her as it was, and Umiri wasn’t going to make that worse. Minami was probably going to make it worse all on her own. 

Umiri walked up to the gate of the Wakaba home, and it opened to give her and her girlfriends access to the path up to the front door. Mutsumi was fiddling with the hem of her skirt and refusing to look anyone in the eyes. She hadn’t slept enough recently, and it was written all over her face. The thought of this dinner had been poisoning her, and Umiri could only hope that it got easier after it was over… Either that would happen or Mutsumi would just end up feeling worse about it. Which one wound up being her reality was in the hands of fate. 

The door opened just a moment after Nyamu knocked. Much to Umiri’s surprise, Minami was waiting for them. A servant had opened the door, but Minami was right there in front of it with a smile on her face. “Come in!” Minami exclaimed. “I’m glad you’re here. I was beginning to worry that you weren’t going to be showing up.”

“We took a bit longer than expected to get ready,” Nyamu explained with a light laugh. There was something strained about it though, and Umiri found herself resisting the urge to pin Nyamu in place with a curious gaze. It wouldn’t have done anything to help her to convince Nyamu to be honest. If Nyamu was going to talk, she would have done it by now. “Thank you again for inviting us. We appreciate it greatly.” 

Nyamu was the first to sink into a bow of gratitude, and Umiri followed her lead. It was hard for Mutsumi to bow her head any lower than she already had, and unlike Nyamu and Umiri, she didn’t look up at her mother again once she was finished. Minami waved one dismissive hand through the air, though Umiri could tell she enjoyed the praise far more than she wanted to let on. “Of course. I’m happy to have you. I said I wanted to get to know my daughter’s girlfriends, and I meant it. Please, come in and sit down. The food is already finished and ready for you.”

Umiri’s stomach churned at the sight of the food stretched out across the table. She wanted to say that her metabolism would be strong enough to keep her from pushing herself too far, but it was hard for her to say for certain. She could feel already that this could be a moment of grave error for her if she went too far. Umiri had much less money to spend now that she was only in Ave Mujica, and even though the band paid well, she still worried about pushing her finances too hard. Her recent solution to that had been to double down on her poor habits with food by taking her energy from protein shakes and similar concoctions. The idea of actual food was tempting to her. 

But she knew that she could get carried away, and Umiri didn’t want to get swept up in the tide again. It was easy for her to lose control of herself when she let her feelings puppeteer her, and Umiri couldn’t allow that now or ever. The last thing she wanted was to get caught up and forget what was happening around her. Umiri’s feelings could be strong, and they loved to overwhelm her when she hit her lowest. Food was a symptom of a greater sickness, and she had no idea where she was meant to fit it in with everything else. 

Umiri snuck in a glance at Mutsumi out of the corner of her eye, and she felt her appetite start to melt away in an instant. If she felt like she was eating too much, then she could chase away her desires by just seeing her girlfriend’s anxiety. That probably wasn’t a healthy way of handling any of this either, but it was all Umiri could think of now. If it would restrain her fingers and her teeth, then maybe it was worth it. 

Minami sat down on one side of the table, and Umiri remembered that the dining room was long and clearly meant to host many guests. No one was ever around to fill all the space though, and the four bodies around the table were probably the most that had been there since Minami and Takafumi hosted their last dinner party a month ago. Most of the time, Mutsumi ate in her room because she was the only one in the house, and there was no point in eating at an empty table. It almost made Umiri glad that her tiny apartment didn’t have enough space for her to invite many others over; it would have been pathetic to have that space and not use it for anyone other than herself. 

“Eat as much as you would like!” Minami smiled, her grin sickeningly sweet. It made Umiri feel nauseous like she had just eaten an entire cake all on her own, and it was only a matter of time before something gave way and she lost her stomach’s contents entirely. “All of this is for you. I made sure it was the best it could be.”

Umiri nodded. “Thank you.” She reached out to pick up a small piece of meat, and when she took a bite, the delightful taste immediately assaulted her tongue. It was delicious, and Umiri could feel her body yearning and aching for more. At this rate, she wouldn’t be able to hold herself back at all. To keep herself held together, Umiri looked over at Mutsumi, finding the green-haired girl staring blankly into her lap. A glassy sheen had overcome her eyes to prove that she was far from the Wakaba mansion’s dining room, and Umiri nudged her with her foot beneath the table. 

Mutsumi snapped herself out of her thoughts in an instant, blinking rapidly in an effort to remind her mind that it inhabited her body at all. Mutsumi gave Umiri a tiny fraction of a nod in an effort to assure her that everything was fine, but it was hardly convincing. Umiri frowned into her next bite of that delectable yet treacherous meat. She hoped Mutsumi would be alright. She would have to talk to her more after all of this was over. 

Until then, they would both have to try and survive perhaps the most difficult dinner of their lives. 

~~~~~

For a long time, Mutsumi had thought she was the only one who struggled with food. 

She had been born into the public eye, a spectacle even before she  even took her first breath. Everyone had their opinions on Mutsumi and her life even if they had never seen her in person. She had seen what people said about her as a child. Some believed that she was all skin and bones and that she would be better if she ate a little bit more. Others thought that she had best not eat too much and risk gaining weight. Being skin and bones could be a positive in the entertainment industry. Everyone was always looking to be thinner than their competitors, and Mutsumi was seen as a competition from the moment she opened her eyes. 

Countless people had opinions on how much Mutsumi was meant to be eating, and seeing one too many articles about her had led to her giving up on ever creating a social media account. She had not been meant to be seen this much, and she knew it deep in her soul. Mutsumi was tired of others giving their unsolicited opinions on her, and that applied to her parents as well. Takafumi had made a few comments about her being thinner than her mother, and Minami had grown appropriately resentful and passive aggressive as a result. Minami was the one who said the most about Mutsumi’s appearance, and if Mutsumi could not escape her mother’s opinions, then she would flee from those of others as much as she could. 

Meeting Nyamu and Umiri had taught her that her struggles were not unique. Nyamu was determined to be the most beautiful she could have been, and that meant ensuring her figure was thin and idolized by her fans. She measured her every bite carefully, only indulging in sweet treats when she felt she had done something to deserve them. In a way, Nyamu’s attitude toward her body reminded Mutsumi of Minami, and she had no idea how she was meant to respond to it. 

Umiri had a similar yet different problem. She was strict with budgeting, and Umiri seemed to care much more about impulse purchases than anything she put in her body. According to Umiri, those other purchases were more permanent than food, and so, they were a priority. Umiri went through cycles of indulgence and then resistance, enjoying herself too much either with food or other items and then holding back completely. She knew to not let herself go too much in an attempt to kick this habit, but in practice, that meant she avoided eating for as long as she could get away with it. Umiri insisted that her metabolism ensured she didn’t gain any weight even when she ate too much, but Mutsumi suspected that was not the case. She figured that the truth was instead that Umiri did not eat enough to test the theory of what her body would or would not be able to handle.

It had not been until Mortis entered their lives that all three of them realized there was a problem with their relationship with food. Mortis loved food, and she insisted on taking special care of the body she shared with her beloved Mutsumi-chan even when Mutsumi’s anxiety kept her from eating. Mortis was every bit as vulnerable to bouts of paranoia that kept her from enjoying food, but she pushed through it more reliably to keep Mutsumi healthy. Mortis wanted to take care of her two other girlfriends too, and that meant pressuring Nyamu and Umiri into eating more. Surprisingly, Mortis was a powerful solution to the struggles Mutsumi, Nyamu, and Umiri had with food, and she took advantage of this special gift of hers however she could. If it would keep her girlfriends healthy, then she would push however she had to. 

But Mortis was not able to save them tonight. Minami’s critical gaze was enough to send Mutsumi and her girlfriends sliding back down the mountain of something that had once vaguely resembled recovery. Mutsumi hadn’t even realized that they were making progress until she saw the veiled discomfort in Umiri’s eyes. They were aware now that they all had problems, and now, they had to mask that for the sake of their dinner with Minami. There was no time for them to work through this on their own terms; there was only Minami and her eternally terrifying smile. 

Mutsumi wished she could have described why she did not like spending time with Minami. She felt the emotions deep in her chest, but she could not bring them to words no matter how hard she tried. Minami acted like she didn’t want to be around her daughter, but Mutsumi knew that couldn’t have been true. Mothers were supposed to love their daughters, and Mutsumi couldn’t understand why she wasn’t able to just stand up and accept Minami’s love for what it was. She didn’t understand why she found herself fantasizing about what life would have been like if Minami was more like Mizuho. None of it made any sense, and Mutsumi hated it. 

Discomfort fused with guilt as Mutsumi carefully put her first serving of food onto her plate. She chose smaller items at first, unsure as to if she would even be able to finish them. Mutsumi’s other problem, on top of the opinions others offered on her body without her consent, was that when she got anxious, she couldn’t keep any food down. All she had to do was let her thoughts stray in the general vicinity of her paranoia, and she wouldn’t be able to eat for at least the next four hours… And Minami was perhaps one of the greatest sources of anxiety in Mutsumi’s life. She wouldn’t feel better until this was over, and Mutsumi was certain that she would remain too tense to eat anything for the rest of the night even after she had left the dinner table. 

Minami’s smile was bright as she filled her own plate, though Mutsumi could see through her mask just enough to know that she was holding back. Minami had a figure to maintain as well, after all. An actress had to look her best before the camera, and she had said as much to her daughter for as long as Mutsumi could remember. Minami was still hiding things even in a dinner when she was supposed to be reaching out to Mutsumi’s girlfriends and getting to know them. The thought left Mutsumi’s heart to scream even louder, and she wondered what it would be like to sink into the floor and never come up again. 

Beyond that, there was simply something off about Minami, and it went deeper than simply her habits with food. Minami had something else on her mind, and if Mutsumi had to guess, it had everything to do with the fact that she refused to look her daughter in the eyes. Mutsumi could hear Mortis grumble something unhappily about Minami not wanting to face her child, but Mutsumi refused to listen fully. Minami didn’t know about Mortis, and Mutsumi wasn’t going to let her find out either, and that meant hiding it when she spoke with her alter in the silence. 

“How are you two doing tonight?” Minami asked with a smile. Mutsumi pretended to not notice that Minami had been directing the question about Nyamu and Umiri but not her. Mutsumi was sitting in between her girlfriends, but she may as well have not been there as far as Minami was concerned. Mutsumi’s shoulders slouched over slightly more, and she took a tiny bite of a zucchini so she didn’t have to meet Minami’s gaze. 

“How rude!” Mortis exclaimed in exasperation within their mind. “You’re her daughter, Mutsumi-chan! Why doesn’t she want to know how you’re doing?”

Mutsumi bit down into the zucchini again to occupy her mouth. She was getting better at talking to Mortis internally, but she still slipped up every once in a while. If her teeth were busy, then she wouldn’t be able to make the mistake. “I’m sure she just wants to see how they’re feeling. They don’t live here, so she doesn’t know what they’re doing as well.”

Mortis let out an irritated huff, and Mutsumi could practically hear her crossing her arms and looking off to the side. “She's not around you enough to know how you're doing either. She could at least ask,” she grumbled, and Mutsumi swallowed her zucchini so that she didn’t admit that she agreed. She reached for another so that she didn’t say she was almost glad Minami hadn’t bothered.

Minami was entirely unaware of the conversation and frustration between Mutsumi and Mortis, and she cast her guests a smile and a light tilt of her head. “I hope it wasn’t too much trouble for you to come here.”

“Not at all. In fact, we’re honored,” Nyamu answered, her tone almost… Aggressive. Mutsumi knew that Nyamu could be competitive, but there was something different about her tonight. Mutsumi had always admired Nyamu for her determination to get to the heart of something. Nyamu refused to back down in the face of any hardship, and she was happy to show it to anyone who was willing to watch. That remained true tonight, but there was a darker edge to every word she spoke, like she was trying to sharpen daggers to throw at Minami… But weren’t the two of them close? Mutsumi had been worried about how close they were when she first started to bond with Nyamu, in fact. Something had changed since Minami and Nyamu’s first meeting though, and Mutsumi didn’t know how to put any of it into words. 

“Thank you for the invitation,” Umiri agreed with a solemn nod. She was enjoying a few of the meat offerings on the table, trying to seem restrictive and slow with each bite she took. Mutsumi wanted to encourage her to eat as much as she wanted. She was hardly one to talk since she had such a strained relationship with food herself, but Mutsumi hated seeing her girlfriends restrain themselves the same way she did. They deserved better than that even when Mutsumi’s anxiety struggled to let her believe the same about herself. “How are you doing tonight?”

“I’m doing very well, thank you,” Minami smiled, her cheeks radiant and glowing because Umiri had asked about her. Minami had always loved attention, but she seemed to bask in it even more than usual when it was Mutsumi’s friends giving her consideration. It was one reason Mutsumi had gotten along so well with Sakiko; she enjoyed being around Mutsumi more than Minami in a world where a lot of people wanted to become Mutsumi’s friend to reach her mother instead. Sakiko was a refreshing breath of clean air, and Mutsumi prayed the same remained true of Nyamu and Umiri once the night was through. “I’m glad that I have been given the chance to spend some time with you again, Nyamu-chan. I was worried that we would never get the chance to talk again.” 

There was a dark gleam behind Minami’s eyes, and Mutsumi looked over to her right at Nyamu. Nyamu didn’t rise to the bait of whatever trap Minami seemed to be trying to lay out for her, and Mutsumi wondered when Nyamu and Minami’s friendship had grown so… Strained. “Of course I’m here,” Nyamu assured her before she took a sip of her water. “I’m not the type to give up, you know, and I wanted you to see it however you could.”

Minami hummed, and the shadows that had come to life on her face were gone just as quickly as they had appeared. Minami finally turned her attention to Mutsumi, and Mutsumi fought to keep her shoulders from going stiff enough to transform her into a statue. “You have very determined friends, Mutsumi-chan,” she said, deliberately omitting the prefix of ‘girl’ when speaking of Mutsumi’s friends. It was like Minami couldn’t believe that she was hearing her daughter had lovers at all, and the burden to persuade her fell onto Mutsumi’s shoulders. 

“Girlfriends!” Mortis burst out within their mind. She shook her head and flopped onto the stool in front of the television with a pout. “What doesn’t she understand about that? She should know that they’re our girlfriends! That’s the reason she decided to invite them to come over at all!”

But Mutsumi couldn’t say any of that out loud, so she swallowed around the knot in the back of her throat instead. “I…” Mutsumi forced herself to nod. “I care about them a lot.” She wanted to say so much more than that, to say that Umiri and Nyamu were there for her in a way that no one ever had been before. They were a safe place for her to land when she collapsed backward. They had been willing to love her despite her flaws, and they did everything they could to love Mortis too. Mutsumi felt a love far greater than anything she could ever put to words when she was with them. So long as they were together, they were happy, and Mutsumi wouldn’t have had it any other way. 

Umiri’s fingers darted in Mutsumi’s direction under the table, and Mutsumi looked down to find that their hands were starting to tangle together. Mutsumi felt her cheeks go warm, and she was certain the pink color stood out clearly against the paleness of her skin. Umiri offered her a small smile, and Mutsumi returned the favor. All of a sudden, she felt well enough to eat a little bit more. So long as they were together, they would be alright. Mutsumi would get through this dinner because her girlfriends wouldn’t leave her behind no matter what happened. 

“I wonder how you got lucky enough to find such devoted friends,” Minami smiled. “You met because you were all in Ave Mujica, but there’s quite the leap between being bandmates and being… Partners.” 

Mutsumi once again tried to form the words, but she couldn’t figure out what to say. She had found Umiri and Nyamu through Ave Mujica, yes, but that was not when they had started to truly see one another. It had taken a bit more time before Umiri and Nyamu found that they understood themselves and each other best when they were together as a quartet. Life was a push and pull, a rising and falling tide, and they wanted to weather its storm together. None of them were perfect, but if their edges were fated to forever be jagged and harsh, then they would hold each other’s daggers to the end. They would unite steel from four sources and use it to withstand any battle. It did not matter how flawed or different they were so long as they were standing together. There was no other place Mutsumi would have rather been, and it had her itching to reach out and take Nyamu’s hand beneath the table too. 

Describing any of that to Minami was impossible though. Minami did not know Mutsumi well enough to even know that she spent her spare time in the studio in the basement. She did not know her daughter well enough to figure out that she had given her enough pressure and expectations to shatter her resolve. Minami did not linger long enough to understand her daughter, and Mutsumi did not know if a single dinner was enough to make up for lost time. Selfishly, Mutsumi didn’t think she even wanted to try. She hadn’t wanted to be there at all, but if she was trapped there, then… Then she was going to try and push through it with as little damage dealt to her soul as possible. 

“We love each other,” Mutsumi finally said, and she could recognize by the strange distortion of her tone that the words had come in part from her and in part from Mortis. Internally, Mutsumi cast Mortis a frown to remind her to not say too much. If they cracked enough to reveal that Mortis was there, then Mutsumi would have to explain the state of their existence to Minami, and she couldn’t think of anything she wanted to do less. It was simply too much, and she didn’t want to entertain the thought more than was necessary. “That’s what matters.”

Mutsumi could tell by the disappointment in her mother’s eyes that Minami had been looking for something a bit juicier. At times, it felt like Minami was every bit as guilty as the gossip magazines for eroding Mutsumi’s faith in the world. Minami knew how the world of entertainment worked, and she was happy to tease any interesting tidbit out of her daughter that she could to prove it. Mutsumi couldn’t help the guilt that welled up hot and ugly in her chest at the thought. She shouldn’t have felt guilty at all. She should have just answered the question even if she couldn’t make the words work. She should have at least tried. Did daughters not owe their mothers at least a little bit of effort?

“I don’t like her,” Mortis declared with the same childish frown she always gave to those who she decided she despised. “She’s mean to Mutsumi-chan.” 

“She’s not mean,” Mutsumi said weakly even though she knew it was a poor response. It was not enough, and it never would be either. Minami loved her, and Mutsumi should have been happy with that. She shouldn’t have let her desires for something greater get in the way of their relationship. “She’s just… Disappointed.” The word sent a shiver down Mutsumi’s spine, and she wondered if she had ever managed to get through a conversation with her mother without some similarly brutal emotion staining the space between her and Minami. “She has a right to be. I’m not good at answering her.” I’m not a good daughter, Mutsumi chose to not say. She didn’t have to. She knew Mortis could read her thoughts anyway, and the fear would have come across even if she could not understand Mutsumi in wordless comprehension. 

“You’re not bad at all,” Mortis insisted, and Mutsumi understood the jump between good daughter and bad kid instantly. Mortis had always feared being a bad child more than anything else, and it was what she murmured into the darkness when her fears got the best of her. Mutsumi had held her through it all, trying to reassure her that she could never be bad. It never seemed to do much when matched up against Minami’s quiet upset against someone she didn’t even know existed though. Mortis would always fear, and Mutsumi would always wish she could take that fear away from her. “She’s mean. She should be nicer.” 

Before Mutsumi had the chance to protest that point, Minami spoke up again. “If Mutsumi-chan can’t give a clear answer, then I’ll ask you two… How did you fall in love with her?”

Mutsumi felt as if she had been electrocuted, and every nerve in her body stood to attention. Her skin had been torn away, revealing the vulnerability of her hollow bones beneath. How could Minami simply ask something like that? It was an intrusion unlike any other, and Mutsumi wondered if this was like to be stripped bare, if this was just another trial in the court of others’ opinions that she was set to be found guilty of before she could even speak. Mutsumi squirmed so much that she let go of Umiri’s hand, afraid of the answers her girlfriends were going to give already. It was an invasive question in more ways than Mutsumi could ever hope to count, and yet, she felt guilty for not being able to answer it. She felt guilty for forcing her girlfriends to interrogate why they cared about her in front of someone who… Someone who could never seem to define her feelings toward Mutsumi in a way that felt accurate or honest. 

Mutsumi was on the verge of asking Minami to drop the subject, but Nyamu never gave her the opportunity. “I fell in love with Muuko because of her passion both on and off the stage,” Nyamu began, the words holding the same amount of zeal as her live performances both in and out of Ave Mujica. “She plays the guitar like no one else, and her music is truly incredible. She makes me feel a way that nobody else in the world can. She can do anything that she puts her mind to, and I love seeing her do it. I love her smile. I love her laugh. I love the way she sits, the way she stands, the way she speaks… I love everything about her. I love seeing how bright she shines on the stage. There’s no one I would rather stand next to…” Nyamu offered a proud smile so perfect it seemed as if she had prepared it just for that moment. “And no one I would rather compete with.”

Mutsumi was stunned into silence by Nyamu’s words, and the heat in her cheeks burned hot enough to turn her face from peachy pink to tomato red. Nyamu had just… Said all of that. Mutsumi had known that Nyamu felt strongly toward her and Mortis after she confessed her love to Mortis just before Ave Mujica’s reunion show… But there was something different about the way she carried herself tonight. There was a new passion behind Nyamu’s speech tonight, like she was trying to prove herself not only to Mutsumi and Minami but to the entire world. Not even Mortis had anything to say about it, and shocking Mortis to the point of speechlessness was certainly a feat to behold. 

Minami was every bit as surprised, and for a long moment, no one spoke. Umiri was the one to shatter the silence in the end, her eyes falling into a flat, deadpan glare that Mutsumi knew was not serious in the slightest. “I won’t be able to match up to that,” she said simply, but Nyamu didn’t even look over at her, too busy staring holes through Minami to bother. Umiri waited for a few seconds more to see if Nyamu would respond to her before she gave up and shook her head. “But since you want to know… I fell in love with Mutsumi’s kindness. She cares so much for others, and I’m honored that she has come to care for me that deeply. It comes through in her music too. I love playing with her. I’m very glad to be here by her side.”

Umiri’s words only added to Mutsumi’s embarrassment. She had said many times before that she loved her girlfriends, and they had returned the favor too, but she didn’t think they had ever been quite this openly affectionate with her, much less with an audience. Umiri’s answer was honest, perfect in its simplicity. She was simply speaking her mind, and her mind told her that she loved Mutsumi. 

Nyamu’s answer, however, was almost haunting. Mortis had rehearsed many times with Nyamu when they were getting ready for Ave Mujica’s live performances. Mutsumi had become their audience thanks to sharing a body with Mortis, and as such, she had learned to tell the difference between Nyamu’s regular demeanor and the one she adopted when performing. It was that nagging knowledge that told Mutsumi something about this was wrong. Nyamu’s words had come to her a bit too perfectly, and her delivery had been precise and aimed too. 

Had… Had Nyamu rehearsed what she was going to say? Had she known that question was going to come up and then planned out how she was going to respond? That thought sent another shiver sprinting down Mutsumi’s spine, and if she was not struck statuesque by her girlfriends’ kindness, she was certain she would have followed through with the shudder fully. 

No… Surely Nyamu hadn’t practiced that. How could she have known to do such a thing? It made no sense. Mutsumi had to be reading too much into it. Everything was exactly as it appeared, and Nyamu was simply eloquent when asked about love. It was perfect for Amoris. That was all there was to it. 

Right?

~~~~~

Nyamu had absolutely practiced that. 

She had grown distant from Minami over the course of the last few months, but that didn’t change that she had once been very close with Mutsumi’s mother. Nyamu had a feeling that a question like that was going to come up sooner or later, and she had prepared her response in the perfect way so that it would be applicable to as many variations of the inquiry as possible. She had rehearsed it in front of her mirror, wishing that Mortis could have been there to test her skills and push her even further. 

But Mortis was not allowed to see it. No one was. Nyamu refused to let anyone realize that she had been planning to answer that question from the instant Minami offered to host the dinner party. Nyamu had known that Minami was going to ask her about why she cared for Mutsumi. Minami had spoken of her daughter with such wild distaste before, expecting Nyamu to agree, but she hadn’t imagined it would become a point of contention. Nyamu had decided long ago that Mutsumi and Mortis were no monsters. Their mother, on the other hand, was the monster who had pushed them over the line into years of pain and suffering. 

Nyamu was no fool. She had done her fair share of research into life with alters not long after she realized what Mortis was. What Nyamu had learned was that Mutsumi and Mortis existed the way they did because of stress and trauma. Not only that, but Minami had outright stated that she had a hand in it. She thought she was justified in neglecting her daughter because of her own fear, but Nyamu knew better. There was no excuse for something so horrific. There never would be. 

Minami didn’t realize that she had caused all of this. Perhaps Mutsumi and Mortis had been an expressive child, but they would have stabilized eventually if not for Minami deciding she hated them both on the day their body turned three. It had been a self-fulfilling prophecy; Minami detested her daughters for acting, and in neglecting them, she had forced them to perform even more. They had to mask and act in order to fight and survive, and it was all because of Minami. She had been the one to splinter them and the other roles that called their body home. 

And she had thought Nyamu would agree with her. That had been the day Nyamu lost all her faith in her idol, and the more she thought about it, the greater her rage grew. How could a mother decide that she hated her child so completely? Nyamu loved her family, and even if her siblings got on her nerves, that would never stop her from loving them. She couldn’t imagine hating her brothers, sisters, or parents. She doubly couldn’t imagine Minami bringing a life into the world and then deciding she hated Mutsumi before her toddler daughter had even dropped her afternoon naps. Nyamu was no mother, but she knew she would never descend to such cruelty.

So Nyamu planned her words as precisely as she could to shred Minami to pieces. Mutsumi, Mortis, and Umiri would not know the truth of what Nyamu was saying, but Minami would, and that was all that mattered. Nyamu had stood in front of her mirror in her dorm as she practiced, refining the script as perfectly as she could. With each time she repeated the performance, Nyamu felt her guilt grow greater. Maybe she should have just told her girlfriends what she knew. Maybe she should have just been honest. 

No… She couldn’t do that. It was too much. Nyamu couldn’t put that weight on their shoulders. They had enough to deal with as it was, and Nyamu wasn’t going to reveal to Mutsumi and Mortis that their mother had hated them for over a decade just before this important dinner. She couldn’t do such a cruel thing to them. Minami had been fine with hurting those who she was supposed to love, but Nyamu would not sink to her lows. She refused to even entertain the idea. 

Minami was every bit as shocked by Nyamu’s words as Mutsumi, Mortis, and Umiri. She recovered first though, and that same awful look in her eyes from that day returned. Nyamu remembered how Minami had tilted her head back and laughed bitterly about how Nyamu had to understand how miserable her daughter made her. Bile rose up in Nyamu’s throat at the thought, but luckily, none of her girlfriends recognized the look for what it was. “I’m a bit shocked to hear you say that,” Minami admitted, and Nyamu felt her heart begin to beat faster in her chest. “I was under the impression you had… Other opinions.”

Nyamu caught a glimpse of Mutsumi and Mortis’ blending pain in her periphery, and it was enough to spur the purple-haired girl to speak up quickly. “I have made my choice, and I want to be with Muuko,” she declared, her voice so loud that it did not leave any room for objection. “I am happy with her, and that’s not going to change.”

Even as she said that though, Nyamu could tell that Minami had other opinions. The look in Minami’s eyes told Nyamu that her former mentor was convinced that her thoughts were going to change one day. Sooner or later, Nyamu would recognize Mutsumi for the monster Minami believed her to be, and she would leave. She would realize that Minami had been right to not want to be around her, and she would decide that she did not want to be either. 

But Nyamu would not run. Minami had told her once that she did not belong in the entertainment industry if she backed down in the face of Mutsumi’s talent. Nyamu found those words harsh, but she didn’t care enough to refute them. She would not back down when she stared at the sun until her vision went white; she would simply make herself into a star so that they could shine on equal footing. She would glow beside Mutsumi during every Ave Mujica concert, and in private, Nyamu would see the universe in her eyes. She would create love where Minami was convinced there was none, and Nyamu would bathe in its radiant light for the rest of her days. 

Still, Nyamu’s resolve was not enough to entirely chase away the betrayal on Mutsumi and Mortis’ shared face. Minami’s words had dropped their guard enough to let Mortis begin to influence their shared body, and Nyamu could see the way the two girls were united in their grief and confusion. Minami had been vague about it, but her words still made it clear that Nyamu had spoken to Minami when they were not around, and it did not seem to be about anything good. 

Minami’s lips pressed together in a thin line, and Nyamu recognized it as the same imitation of a smile she had worn when she realized Nyamu was returning to Ave Mujica. “I see,” Minami said, the words murderous in their simplicity. “I’m glad to hear it.” Minami punctuated the sentence by taking a sip of her wine, and Nyamu knew effortlessly that Minami was not happy for her in the slightest. 

Luckily, Nyamu didn’t care at all about whether Minami was happy for her or not. She had already made up her mind, and she wanted to be with Mutsumi and Mortis. No amount of verbal abuse was going to change her course now. Nyamu was happy where she was, and if Minami had an issue with that, then it was her problem to solve on her own. Nyamu wasn’t going to let Minami of all people hold her back from being happy. 

To hell with Minami. Nyamu knew where she belonged, and Minami would never be able to take that away from her. 

~~~~~

When Umiri begrudgingly agreed to this dinner, she had assumed that the food would be the most uncomfortable part of the night. 

How could it not be? She was only just starting to unravel her complicated relationship with food and how much it could hurt her on the wrong day. Putting herself in front of someone who she feared would make passive aggressive comments about it would only make her feel worse. Umiri had thought she would have to balance her desire to indulge and her knowledge that she could not go too far in that yearning in the silence. She had assumed that would be the heaviest weight she had to carry throughout the meal. 

But now, Umiri saw that the food was only the second greatest problem for her to resolve. Her war of desire was nothing when compared to the quiet enmity soaring between Nyamu and Minami. It was clear by the strictness with which Nyamu had spoken that she had rehearsed her response to the question about what she loved about Mutsumi… But why? How had she known something like that was going to come up? Umiri simply couldn’t understand it. 

Now, Umiri wasn’t just anxious about Mutsumi not eating enough. She wasn’t just worried about trying to kick her yearning to the curb. Her stomach was churning with tension over everything Nyamu was and was not saying. Umiri was too worked up to eat, but she couldn’t tell if that was a genuine excuse or just the easiest way for her to not think about how delightful those little meat kebabs before her were. She restricted her fingers the best she could, pressing them between her legs after Mutsumi stopped holding her back by clutching at her hand. 

Umiri had always struggled with the cycle of indulgence as she called it. She would enjoy something too much and then regret it later. It felt inevitable, like she could never feel true joy and salvation for long. In the end, something would come crashing down, and tidal waves of guilt would wash through her city to sweep her away. Umiri didn’t need to worry about paying for the food tonight, but that was never her only concern when it came to indulgence. She did need to save money, and that was always part of it, but she was also afraid of what others would say. Umiri acted like she didn’t care about what others thought of her, but she knew that she would never be able to fully purge her fears of outside concerns from her mind. She would always be worried about what others thought of her. She would always wonder if she had done what it took to be considered trustworthy and worthy in the eyes of the people who surrounded her. 

Umiri didn’t like Minami much, and she hadn’t been sure of how to interact with her long before tonight began. Now, Umiri felt like she was walking a fragile line. Every little thing she did or did not do was going to be judged, and Minami was going to have her opinions on it. Even if she didn’t voice them, Umiri knew that Minami would have thoughts on the matter. She had to. Umiri simply couldn’t read Minami–though she supposed she couldn’t read anyone else around her either–but it felt especially pressing tonight. Nyamu seemed to know exactly what Minami was up to, and yet, she wasn’t breathing a word of it. 

Umiri would have given just about anything to get into Nyamu’s head. She knew she had a poor understanding of what others were truly thinking at any given moment, but it felt especially egregious now. Nyamu was smiling and boasting like there was no greater night in her life, but Umiri could see the savage undertones to it all. Nyamu was treating this as a competition of some kind, and she wanted to tear Minami apart beneath the weight of her pride… But Nyamu admired Minami, didn’t she? Nyamu had been eager to meet her back in the early days of Ave Mujica, and she had wanted to know anything and everything she could about the famous actress. What had changed? 

And more importantly, why hadn’t she trusted Umiri enough to talk about it? Umiri understood Nyamu not wanting to talk to Mutsumi about it since Mutsumi had always held complicated feelings for her mother, but she should have at least felt comfortable enough to tell Umiri about it. Nyamu thought tonight was important enough for her to justify rehearsing her way through explaining why she loved Mutsumi and Mortis. Did she not trust Umiri enough with that honest part of her? Even months into their relationship, did Nyamu struggle with feeling like she could open up to the people who admired her more than anyone else? 

But Umiri couldn’t ask Nyamu how she was feeling. Minami was constantly watching, and on top of that, Nyamu was on the other side of Mutsumi. Umiri wouldn’t be able to get away with saying anything subtle, and even if she tried, it would only attract more attention from the two girls Nyamu refused to answer tonight. Umiri had never been one for subtlety anyway, but there beneath Minami’s critical gaze, she wanted to hide and flinch away. She wanted to find some excuse to bury herself and wait until all of this was nothing but a bitter memory. 

When Umiri snuck in a glance at Nyamu, she found herself looking at Mutsumi. The green-haired girl was sitting in between Umiri and her target, and Mutsumi was clearly unfocused. Umiri recognized the glassy look in her eyes as proof that she was losing her grip on reality. Most people assumed that Mutsumi was fine so long as she was not speaking about her troubles, but Umiri knew better than to be sucked in by that false ideal. Mutsumi’s silence was a sign of terror, and Umiri realized that the only person who understood less about how to handle this situation than her was Mutsumi. 

Umiri’s fingers darted out from the spot where she had pressed them between her knees. She took Mutsumi’s hand gently between her fingers, and Mutsumi blinked a few times as she tried to pull her body and mind back onto the same path. “Are you alright?” Umiri murmured, praying that Minami had taken that chance to chew loudly enough to not recognize that she was speaking at all. 

Mutsumi took a few breaths more to try and recenter herself, but she couldn’t seem to find the words she was searching for. “I…” Her throat threatened to tighten on her, and Umiri could practically hear the voices echoing through her mind. Every time I speak, I always mess things up. Nyamu and Umiri’s faith in Mutsumi had never been enough to shake that deep fear, and it always found a way to creep in on her most vulnerable moment. She couldn’t even find the strength to reassure Umiri that she was fine or to confess that she was not, so instead, she anchored herself through her grasp on Umiri’s fingers. Mutsumi’s hand was shaking slightly, so Umiri squeezed it a little bit tighter, hoping she would be able to bring her girlfriend’s body to merciful stillness through love alone. Umiri began to rub circles across the back of Mutsumi’s hand with her thumb, and for a moment, it almost seemed like Mutsumi would be able to relax with the power of that tiny gesture.

Minami was entirely clueless about Mutsumi’s distress. Alternatively, she was cruelly aware of it and was simply choosing to not acknowledge it for some reason Umiri didn’t care to identify. It would only make her upset, and Umiri was balancing enough rage and grief there at that damn dinner table as it was. “How have rehearsals for Ave Mujica been going recently?” Minami questioned. “You have a live show coming up, don’t you?” 

“We do,” Nyamu smiled, taking control of the conversation effortlessly. Umiri knew that Nyamu had always been fond of steering a discussion in her preferred direction, but she was still willing to let others at least speak up a little bit most of the time. None of that was true tonight, and Nyamu didn’t care what others said or did in response to her domineering decisions. “And Muuko has been doing a great job in getting ready for it. We’ve been practicing together a lot. The audience loves the way she performs in between our songs. The intermissions are some people’s favorite parts, and all sorts of people rave about her on social media after every show.”

Umiri’s thumb went still from its place across Mutsumi’s knuckles, and she couldn’t hold back the stunned stare that spread across her face as she looked around Mutsumi at Nyamu. Mutsumi hadn’t been the one acting for their shows; it had always been Mortis. Granted, Minami didn’t know there was a difference between Mutsumi and Mortis, and Umiri doubted she ever would, but it still felt strange that Nyamu would say something so brazen without making the distinction. Mutsumi was a great performer, but Mortis had insisted on taking care of the acting part as much as she could. She loved feeling involved and included, and this was the best way for her to do that. 

Mutsumi had always had complicated feelings about acting. She didn’t like being compared to Minami, believing that she would only be able to find happiness if she carved her own path far from the one her mother had decided on. Mutsumi did not want to be a performer because she was expected to be; she wanted to choose her own path, and if that brought her to the stage, then it would be her decision ultimately. Mortis, on the other hand, acted and performed with each breath she took. She didn’t seem to realize how carefully constructed her character was, but she was a spectacle in herself. Mortis was a sight to behold, and Umiri couldn’t blame Nyamu for feeling paralyzed by her sheer radiance. These days, Mutsumi and Mortis made every Ave Mujica concert a waltz, dancing between acting and playing the guitar effortlessly. No show was complete without both of their presences, and they wouldn't have had it any other way.

Mutsumi’s facial expression had changed ever so slightly with Nyamu’s words, and Umiri recognized it as the trademark shift that indicated Mortis’ presence. Mutsumi was still largely in control, but Mortis had managed to step forward enough to gain full awareness of the world around her. The set of their shared body’s eyes had changed just enough for Umiri to notice, but the difference was too subtle for Minami to catch on. Umiri squeezed tighter at Mutsumi and Mortis’ hand. Regardless of whatever was going through their head, she hoped with everything she had that they were alright. 

~~~~~

“Mortis, stop that.”

Mutsumi’s voice was gentle and internal when she spoke, and Mortis turned to face her with a frown. “You can’t expect me to just not come up here when Nyamu-chan is talking about me,” Mortis pouted. She wanted to apply her regular childish charm, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. This situation felt too heavy for that for reasons she couldn’t put a finger on. Trying to seem normal when she was around Minami was always hard, but tonight, it was even harder than usual. 

Mutsumi sighed. “Minami-chan might notice that something is different about us. Umiri already has.” Mortis felt Umiri’s grip on their hand tighten, proof that Mutsumi was right. Umiri could tell that there was a subtle difference between the way they had been a few seconds prior to the way they were now. She and Nyamu had always been able to tell the difference between Mutsumi and Mortis easily.

“Minami-chan won’t be able to tell,” Mortis scoffed. She didn’t think Minami would notice at the very least. Minami had never been able to tell the difference between her and Mutsumi before, and Mortis knew that she wasn’t perfect when it came to imitating her beloved. “If she was going to figure out that there were two of us, then she would have years ago.” ‘Two of us’ was a bit deceptive, Mortis supposed, but it was the best phrasing she could think of for the moment. It was certainly less clunky than having to say that there were countless roles that called their body home and that all of them were watching from the audience, intrigued in what was going on but knowing to not interfere where Minami might see them. 

Back in the physical world, Mortis lifted her and Mutsumi’s head so she could look at Minami directly. Minami’s face had changed ever so slightly since Nyamu mentioned Mortis’ acting skills, like she was trying to fight her eye to stop it from twitching. Minami picked up her glass of wine and tilted it slightly, sending the liquid inside into a gentle spin. “I’ve heard that Mutsumi-chan is a very talented actress,” Minami commented, and Mortis almost thought she was… Jealous. But that would make no sense. Minami wasn’t supposed to be jealous of her daughter. Mothers were kind to their daughters. Mortis was certain she was simply misreading Minami’s particular brand of smile. She had to be… Right? “She certainly takes after her mother, doesn’t she?”

That question sent rage racing through Mortis’ body, but she never got the chance to let it out. Mutsumi clapped her hand over Mortis’ mouth in their inner world, and Mortis snarled into the other girl’s palm. Nothing could ever simply belong to Mutsumi or Mortis; it all had to be about their parents. Minami didn’t seem to care about them beyond their blood relation… But why did that make Mortis so angry? She couldn’t expect Minami to care about her too much. If they had been unrelated, Minami wouldn’t have given her a second glance. And yet, despite it all, Mortis wanted to explode with anger at the thought of Minami’s words. Everything about Minami just got under her skin, and it made her want to tear everything apart with all the recklessness she could muster. 

Umiri could see just how uncomfortable Mortis was. She had heard Mutsumi speak many times about how she hated being compared to her parents. Mutsumi struggled with her individuality, and she hated feeling like she was nothing but a ghost to follow in Minami and Takafumi’s shadows. Mortis hated feeling like an extension of other people too. It was one thing when she chose to imitate them for the sake of her performance, but it was another when she was forced into the comparison by others. Mortis was fighting to not squirm, and she was certain Umiri and Nyamu could tell that Mutsumi was losing her grip on their shared body. 

Umiri cleared her throat, squeezing tighter at Mortis’ hand to try and calm her. Mortis clung to her in return, clenching to the point of turning her knuckles white but never bothering to stop. “She is a great performer and musician,” Umiri said, her words coming out rough and hurried. “I am certain it would be even better to see her live though. Are you planning on coming to our next show?”

“No!” Mortis found herself shouting internally, barely managing to hold her tongue back from doing the same physically. She didn’t understand why this was such a problem to her. Why couldn’t she seem to like Minami’s presence? Minami had never been openly cruel to her. Mothers loved their daughters, and Mortis liked to think Minami would have loved her even if she didn’t know she existed… But if that was the case, then why did Mortis feel like the very idea was tearing her apart? Why did the implication of spending more time with Minami than necessary make her want to burn away into ash? 

Mutsumi was every bit as rattled, staring ahead with wide, blank eyes. It was the same look of horror she had worn when she was asked if she would be able to replicate her mistake and subsequent collapse from the tour. Mutsumi didn’t seem to understand why she was reacting this way though, and Mortis couldn’t say she comprehended her reaction either. It felt deeper than either one of them. Their feelings toward Minami manifested as an instinctive anxiety, something that had been forced into their bodies whether they liked it or not… But Minami was supposed to love them. That was what mothers did. How horrible were they for denying it? How awful could daughters get if they got upset by the idea of their mother coming to see them perform?

Minami’s face twisted in that strange way again, and Mortis recognized it as proof of a performance. She had come to know the signs as an actress herself, and now, it seemed as if Minami was masking some indescribable strain. “I’ll have to see if I can find the time in my schedule,” Minami replied. “I have a lot of films that will be shooting around the same time, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to make it.”

Mortis’ gut churned with rage. Why was Minami coming up with excuses to not come? More importantly, why was she so upset about this? Mortis had been horrified just seconds prior by the idea of Minami coming to see a show. Now, she found herself upset because Minami was saying that she likely wouldn’t be able to make it. Why couldn’t she figure out how she felt? Normal daughters would simply be disappointed by their mother not being able to come to an important event… So why was Mortis filled with some sickening combination of relief and rage? Why did she want Minami to be there even though every other part of her wanted Minami as far away as possible? What in the world was her problem?

Minami pinned Mortis in place with her next gaze, and Mortis found her entire body freezing. “You haven’t said much tonight, Mutsumi-chan,” Minami went on, moving the conversation along. Mortis felt like she was drowning in more ways than she could ever hope to count. She wanted to sit in her nauseating gratitude that Minami would not be coming to the concert. She wanted to tear herself apart for feeling happy over something so twisted in the first place. She wanted to shout at Minami that she was not Mutsumi and that her mother couldn’t even figure out that she was not the same as the girl she shared so much of her life with. Nothing had ever belonged to Mortis either. She had Mutsumi-chan, but what else was hers? The world had decided ages ago that she was not human, and Mortis couldn’t help but feel like Minami had been the first person to ever declare such a horrific thing. 

Mortis’ silent crisis did not reach Minami though, and the actress sighed as she shook her head. All she saw was silence, and Mortis was proving herself every bit as poor with her words as Mutsumi when the right pressure was applied. “It’s not polite to let others talk over you. Are you going to let your girlfriends do all of the talking tonight? I didn’t even know you had them, and now, you’re not saying anything about them. Why won’t you talk, Mutsumi-chan?”

Mortis didn’t know which part of Minami’s monologue hit her the hardest, but in an instant, she tore her hand away from Umiri’s warm and loving grasp. Mortis’ palms slammed against the table, and every dish and piece of silverware rattled accordingly. “Stop it already!” Mortis yelled, realizing a bit too late that there were tears in her eyes. The water distorted her vision just enough to be noticeable, but it wasn’t enough to keep Mortis from having to look Minami in the eyes. “You’re so mean! All you ever do is hurt us! I’m so sick of it! Stop asking questions! You’re not going to want to hear the answers anyway! You don’t want anything to do with us! Why can’t you just say that you hate us already?!”

Mortis’ heavy breathing rattled in her chest, shattering the silence both internally and externally. Mutsumi’s hands were pressed over her mouth, her eyes wide with horror. Umiri and Nyamu were both looking up at her, Umiri in more shock and Nyamu in more indescribable grief. Minami looked outright miserable, the facade she had been fighting to maintain all night evaporating in an instant. Minami was no longer hiding the way she truly felt, and when Mortis looked closely, she saw every horrific emotion Minami had fought to restrain. 

Hatred. Envy. Resentment. Misery. Spite. Each new realization was like a dagger to Mortis’ chest. She hadn’t been exaggerating when she thought Minami hated her. She had almost hoped with some dark optimism that perhaps her feelings of Minami were simply dramatized. Maybe Minami didn’t actually hate her. Maybe Mortis was simply reading too much into it, declaring in a moment of childish tantrum that someone hated her the way she would during a playground argument. 

But she wasn’t reading too much into anything. For the first time, Minami was hiding nothing, and Mortis could see just how much she hated her daughter… But that wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Mothers were supposed to love their daughters… But if that was true, then why did Minami’s definition of love feel so horrific? Why did Mortis feel like that love was going to suffocate her and then kill her? Why wasn’t she good enough to deserve the love she had spent her entire life performing to receive?

Mortis’ body moved on its own, pushing away from the table and knocking her chair to the ground with a noisy clatter. She turned on her heel and sprinted for the stairs, each footstep gaining in momentum and speed as her heartbeat grew faster. She had to get away. She couldn’t look at Minami’s face anymore. She couldn’t do this. She wasn’t cut out for any of it. This dinner had been a mistake. Mortis should have known better than to think that Minami was going to let this end well. She should have known better than to think that her mother loved her. 

Mortis only stopped running when she was safe in her bedroom. She slammed the door in her wake, melting onto her bed and grabbing every plush toy in arm’s reach. She pulled them all into her arms, sobbing into the polyester, minky, and fleece with reckless abandon. When she closed her eyes, she could see Mutsumi had tears in her eyes too. A bunch of plushies and toys–the other roles that lined their stage–had stepped up to rest around her. Mutsumi sank to her knees in silent sobs, and the dolls curled against her to offer whatever meager comfort they could. Mortis reached one hand out for Mutsumi, but she couldn’t seem to make herself move close enough to hold her. 

She couldn’t even make her mother love her. What good was she at anything if not even her own mother could care about her?

~~~~~

Downstairs, Nyamu, Umiri, and Minami were all left staring at Mortis after she took off. Minami was the first to move, her eyes narrowing in her daughter’s wake. “What an outburst,” she murmured. “You’ll have to forgive Mutsumi-chan. She can get a bit–”

“Excuse me!” Nyamu declared, her voice scathingly loud to try and drown out whatever pathetic words Minami was trying to speak. She didn’t bother with casting another excuse over her shoulder as she sprinted after Mortis, the dinner long forgotten. Nothing could ever matter as much as Mortis, and right now, Mortis needed her. 

Umiri gave Minami a single nod before she ran after Nyamu. Minami remained at the table, watching as the two girls departed. She let out a small sigh and sat down in her seat once again. She shook her head dismissively. “Changing in the blink of an eye… As monstrous as ever,” Minami murmured. She took a sip of her wine, the taste bitter against the back of her throat. She would never be able to match up to her daughter. Even at a dinner she was hosting, she was outclassed. 

At least Nyamu understood her… She had to after seeing all of that. 

~~~~~

Mutsumi didn’t know what to do. 

Her heart was racing in her chest, and she yearned to bury it in whatever miserable darkness would stop her from feeling all of this. She couldn’t seem to calm it though. Mutsumi didn’t know if she would ever be able to again. The world may as well have ended when Mortis began to shout. The way Minami had looked at them only made it worse. They were all doomed to apocalypse, and Mutsumi would have given anything to go back in time and stop this from happening. 

But she could never put this hatred back in the bottle it had been trapped inside. The water had burst free, and now, it was staining Mutsumi’s fingers like blood. She knew that look in Minami’s eyes. Her mother hated her, didn’t she? How could Mutsumi have not seen it sooner? She knew what it was like to be hated and scorned. There would always be people who held poor opinions of her for some reason or another… But she had hoped that she would be able to fall back on her mother for safety. Minami wasn’t very present in Mutsumi’s life, but she was still a warm presence… Though looking back on it now, Mutsumi realized that Minami offered that warmth to others long before she ever gave it to her daughter. The night Ave Mujica had dinner at the Wakaba household, Minami had been kinder to Nyamu than to Mutsumi. She had taken an immediate shine to the rest of the band, and Mutsumi was simply a vehicle for Minami to establish those connections. She may as well have not been there for how little the attention and care her mother gave to her. Minami had been competing with her, fighting to steal her friends out of her grasp. 

Was that the reason all of this had happened tonight? Had Minami wanted to get to know Mutsumi’s girlfriends with the hope that she would be able to claim them as her own somehow? Would Minami care more about the potential proteges of Umiri and Nyamu than her blood connection to Mutsumi? The answer was yes. Mutsumi already knew that. She simply couldn’t bring herself to admit it. 

A knock came at the door, and Mutsumi went rigid in her bed. No, please, don’t be Minami-chan, Mutsumi pleaded silently, and she realized for perhaps the first time just how awful it was that she called her mother by the same nickname the media did. Was Mutsumi just another source of buzz to Minami? Or was she something worse? Mutsumi buried her face deeper into the plushies Mortis had grabbed. I can’t deal with Minami-chan right now. Please. I can’t do it. 

“Muuko?”

Nyamu’s voice was a sudden dunk into ice cold water, soothing the fever of Mutsumi’s terror. Mutsumi managed to raise her head just enough to see the light from the hallway creep in when Nyamu opened the door. Mortis hadn’t bothered to turn the lights on when she arrived inside, too tearful to bother. Now, the light felt like it was going to burn Mutsumi. She yearned to sit in the darkness forever, to drown beneath the apathetic waves that unwanted daughters deserved. 

Nyamu and Umiri slipped into the room quickly and quietly, and Umiri pressed the door shut behind her. All of a sudden, Mutsumi’s arms pulled the plushies in tighter to her chest, and she realized that Mortis was trying to wrestle with her for control. “I don’t understand,” Mortis began, her voice blurry and tearful. “Why did she look at me like that? Why doesn’t she care? Why doesn’t she love us?” Mortis paused for a moment and shook her head, pressing her eyes shut. “But… She’s supposed to love us. Mothers love daughters. That’s what they’re supposed to do.”

Mutsumi opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn’t seem to push the words out. “I thought… I thought that was just the way that she was,” she murmured, not bothering to elaborate on what she was referring to specifically. Minami had always been kinder to Mutsumi’s friends than to her, but surely there was a reason for it. Surely Mutsumi was simply reading too much into it… But she had been right all along. Minami had never wanted much to do with her, and it had been proven in that horrific look she gave Mortis when all masks were torn off. 

“She’s so mean to you, Mutsumi-chan,” Mortis went on, her voice blending with Mutsumi’s freely both because of their tears and their grief. “I hate how mean she is, but I… I don’t know why she’s like that! She’s supposed to love you! Even if she doesn’t love me, she should love you!”

“What am I doing wrong…?” Mutsumi managed to push up, burying her face entirely in her plushies. She wanted to be consumed by them completely. The realm of the inhuman, the world of her imagination, would never dream of being as cruel as her reality had proven itself to be now. All of her roles had always presented as toys. Maybe there was a reason for that. Maybe she was meant to join them as nothing but a doll to be puppeteered. “I don’t understand…”

Umiri and Nyamu had both been watching Mutsumi and Mortis speak silently, wanting to console them but not knowing where to start. Umiri was the first to move, turning to face Nyamu with a glare in her eyes. “Why did you do this?” Umiri demanded. “You were the one who insisted on us coming to this dinner. Something happened between you and Minami-san, didn’t it? You used to get along with her, but you’ve been trying to prove something to her all night. Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you tell us why you wanted to do this in the first place? Do you still not trust us after all this time?”

“That’s not it,” Nyamu forced out through gritted teeth. 

“Then what are you trying to prove?!” Umiri roared. 

“I’m trying to prove that Muuko isn’t a monster!” Nyamu yelled. The tension had been building in her face with each question Umiri asked, but it all broke free at once, and the room froze like something out of a photograph. Even Mutsumi and Mortis stopped crying, staring up at Nyamu with wide, watery eyes. Umiri looked outright horrified, grief threatening to tear her apart in the span of an instant. 

Nyamu only seemed to realize what she had said after the words left her lips. Shame bloomed across her face, and she looked down at the carpet as the skin on her forehead furrowed together. Mutsumi felt a tear slide down her cheek when she blinked. “You… You think I’m a monster?” she whispered, the words soft enough to be stolen away by an errant breeze. When she blinked again, betrayal overcame her golden irises. “Nyamu, how could you…?”

Umiri’s gaze was wild and uncontrollable when she tilted her head down toward the same floor Nyamu was staring at. “Explain,” she demanded. “Now.”

Nyamu faltered twice before she finally managed to force out a sigh. “It’s not what I think of you, Muuko… I love you. I meant it every single time I said that. It was… It was Minami-chan. One time, I saw her when I was getting ready for something at the agency, and we started talking. She said that she tried to set up a role for me, but I didn’t take it. After that, she… She said that I was afraid of you because of how good of a performer you are. She felt safe enough to tell me what she really thought of you, and…”

“She thinks her own daughter is a monster?” Umiri asked when Nyamu trailed off. Nyamu didn’t offer an immediate response, instead simply clenching her fingers into a tighter fist against her chest. That lack of a reply was the only answer Umiri needed, and it made all the color drain from her face in an instant. “What the hell?”

“She said you were a born actress,” Nyamu went on, still unable to find the strength to raise her head and meet Mutsumi and Mortis’ gaze. “From the time you were three, she decided that you were performing with everything you did. It didn’t matter how small it was. She thought it was a performance. According to her, you didn’t even know you were doing it. Being around you made her miserable because she thought you would surpass her. She couldn’t see you as a human. She called you a monster.”

Mutsumi’s heart felt like it should have stopped. How could she just go on with the rest of her life after hearing something so horrible? Her mother had decided she was a monster from the time she was three years old. Mutsumi hadn’t received Minami’s love since then because Minami had chosen to believe her daughter was a monster. Mutsumi had been doomed from the start. Minami had never given her a chance. 

Nyamu’s fists were shaking with rage, and her eyes were pressed shut like she couldn’t stand having to look at the floor of the house Minami owned for a moment longer. “She was telling me her justification for neglecting you. I know she never paid you much time or attention… But she thought she was right for it. She thought she was correct for not spending time with you because of how much you hurt her. She was so insecure by the existence of her toddler that she decided you couldn’t be human. She has been running from you for years, and… And she thought I would agree with her!” Nyamu’s right foot slammed into the ground when she took a step toward Mutsumi and Mortis. “I love my family more than anything in the world! They’re everything to me! And she thought that my insecurities would get me to agree that her child abuse was justified!”

Mutsumi flinched at the word ‘abuse.’ That felt… Heavy, didn’t it? Mutsumi had felt for a long time that her mother didn’t treat her the way she would have liked, and yet, she wouldn’t have called it abuse. Abuse was so much severe than what Mutsumi was struggling with. Surely her silent agony was simply what love meant. It had to be. Parents and children had times when they didn’t get along. They had times when they avoided each other and didn’t want to share space with one another… But Mutsumi would recoil in rage if she heard any of her friends’ parents call them monsters. She would not hesitate to declare that they were human and deserved all the love that came with it… So why was it so different when she was the one who had fallen victim to such horrible thoughts? Why couldn’t she find the strength to say the word abuse when it was about the way Minami had treated her?

“I know what caused you to become this way, you know,” Nyamu continued. She sat down on the edge of the bed just beside Mutsumi, yearning to reach out and touch her girlfriend but unable to stand the idea after everything she had just said. The distance between them was small but impassable for them both. “You, Mortis, and all of the other roles… That doesn’t just happen. It’s the result of trauma. It happens when a child is abused. Maybe you were a natural born actress… As much as a toddler can be. But it was Minami-chan treating all of you like you were less than the dirt beneath her shoe that turned your roles into people. She hurt you enough to cause this. What she was describing was your alters switching around in order to survive the stress of being raised in the public eye. She was the one who put you in that situation, and when you began to buckle beneath the pressure, she took it as justification for her hatred of you. She abused you, and she thought that I would agree with it. I didn’t say anything after she said it, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”

Mutsumi sat up slowly, barely managing to pry herself off her mattress. Her body felt boneless and limp, like a puppet with cut strings. That was the same way Nyamu had described her when she collapsed during that one performance months ago. Minami had thought of her as a monster for that too, hadn’t she? Every little thing Mutsumi did was just more fodder in Minami’s repertoire of resentment. Every little thing was proof of her monstrosity and evil.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Nyamu said softly, the hardness in her voice finally starting to give way to something softer. Her hands were resting in her lap, and she was rubbing circles across her knuckles the same way Umiri always did for her when she got stressed. Nyamu didn’t ask either of her girlfriends for that comfort. She had already decided she didn’t deserve it. “I… I didn’t know how to bring it up. I knew it was going to hurt you, and I didn’t want to do that. I thought I could prove to your mother that I had made the right choice by deciding to be with you. I could tell she was judging me when I said that I was your girlfriend. She thinks I should have started avoiding you the way she did. She told me that I wasn’t cut out for this industry if I let you bother me so much, and I just… I don’t know. I couldn’t tell you what she said. It was too much. But I couldn’t let her think you were a monster either. I had to do something, but this… This wasn’t the way to do it.”

Mutsumi shook her head, and she took Nyamu’s hand in her own, finally bridging that impossible gap between them. “I… I’m glad you told me,” she confessed. “I… I always thought she didn’t like me. It was just an instinct I got. I didn’t know how to describe it though, and I thought I was exaggerating. I thought… I thought that was just how she showed love. I thought I was reading too much into it. Sometimes, she wanted to be around me to show me off, but other times, she… She wanted nothing to do with me. I just…” Mutsumi sniffled, and her other hand rose to rub at her eye. “I can’t believe it took me until tonight to realize she never loved me.” She paused for a few heavy seconds. “Do… Do you think I did something to not deserve it?”

“You did nothing,” Umiri cut in, sitting down on Mutsumi’s other side. She claimed Mutsumi and Mortis’ free hand and began to rub those comforting, gentle circles across it. “She should have cared about you. That’s what parents are supposed to do for their children. It’s the bare minimum, and she…” Umiri shook her head. “Her not seeing anything in you is her problem. We’re here because we’re choosing to be. We know you. We care to know you. And we’ll be here for as long as you’ll have us.”

Mutsumi let out a noisy sniffle, but she realized a moment later that it had actually come from Mortis. “I always thought I was exaggerating,” she murmured. “I know I say I hate people sometimes, but I don’t always mean it. I said that I didn’t like her because she was mean to Mutsumi-chan, but… I thought it would just be something I was playing up again. I kept telling myself that she had to love us. All we ever wanted was to be the perfect daughter for them. Mutsumi-chan fit in like a perfect doll. I handled all the social situations. I… I didn’t understand why that didn’t seem to be enough. She’s a great actress, but she was never quite able to hide just how much she hated us. Tonight was just the first time we were willing to see it for what it was.” Mortis would have rubbed her eyes if she had a free hand, but she couldn’t bring herself to pull away from Umiri or Nyamu. “You… You still love us… Even though not even our mother can do that. I don’t know how you can do it.”

“What that woman says or does has nothing to do with us,” Nyamu cut in with an authoritative shake of her head. “I don't care what she thinks you do or do not deserve. She’s not going to convince me that she was right for neglecting and abusing you.” Nyamu leaned over so her head was resting on Mutsumi and Mortis’ shoulder, her grip on their hand tightening. “I love you… And there’s nothing that woman can do to convince me to hate you.”

Mutsumi and Mortis’ strangled sobs blended together into an ugly noise that neither one of them felt could ever be loveable… But Umiri and Nyamu were both willing to love them anyway. They had chosen to be with them even when they had been declared a monster by the person who should have loved them most. Takafumi was nowhere to be found, neglecting his daughter that night the same way he always did. Minami’s presence was fleeting, and it would fade soon enough because there was no place she hated more than her daughter’s side. Takafumi and Minami had decided Mutsumi was not worthy of their time… 

But Umiri and Nyamu were still there. They would be there with her until the end just as they had promised so many times before. Minami had not been able to convince Nyamu to stop loving her. Umiri had put up with the discomfort of having to eat in front of someone she didn’t know or trust. They were there because they loved her, and even when times grew difficult, they would remain by her side. Minami may not have loved her, but Nyamu and Umiri did. 

“I love you,” Mortis choked out in between sobs that shook her entire body. Mutsumi knew that Mortis was talking to her as well as Nyamu and Umiri. After all, Mortis had always been there for her too. Mortis had vowed to always be by Mutsumi’s side, and she had held true to that promise. Even when Mutsumi’s body was alone in their house, Mortis would be there to support her. One could not exist without the other, and they were bound to their present by how much they loved each other. 

Nyamu was right when she said that the reason they existed was pain. It had been the cruelty of the public and the hatred of their parents that created this. Minami’s abuse had driven pieces of their mind apart… But Mutsumi and Mortis had chosen to reach for each other again. They had once struggled and fought with one another for control over their life, but now, they were choosing to be there together. They had been born of pain, but they had chosen to love. They had survived because of how much they loved each other. They were still there because of how much every other role that performed on their stage loved life too. Minami had not supported them, and so, they had created an internal support system. Mutsumi was loved by every other performer who called their body home. The pain that had forged them would continue to haunt them for the rest of their lives, but they could find peace in it. They could find love in each other, and they would love as deeply and recklessly as they had to in order to survive. 

Mutsumi finally found the strength to move again after collapsing to her knees within the realm of her mind. She walked toward Mortis, finding her protector crying into clenched fists a few steps away. Mortis looked up slowly, and Mutsumi crouched down beside her, opening up her arms for a hug. Mortis rushed into Mutsumi’s embrace, and Mutsumi felt every emotion Mortis had ever tried to seal away regarding Minami. Mortis tried to distance herself from Minami by saying that Minami was only Mutsumi’s mother and not hers, but this wound stung like Minami was her mother too. The pain was bleeding all over their hands, but Mortis would not have to stitch the wound together on her own. It was okay if she needed protection too, and tonight, she and Mutsumi would huddle beneath the same umbrella to shelter from Minami's dagger-like glares. No knives would pierce the fabric so long as they willed their strength to hold out beneath the onslaught. They had survived for fifteen years before, and they would survive for many more because they were together. 

Mutsumi lost track of how much time came and went while she was sitting there, holding Mortis in her mind and being held by Umiri and Nyamu in the physical world. She cried until she had no tears left to shed, but they were not forged out of grief and sadness anymore. Mutsumi cried because she knew she was loved. She would not have to weather the storm of Minami’s hatred on her own. That night had been a disaster, but it had proven that there were people who would be there for her no matter what. If Umiri and Nyamu had not been persuaded to leave even when Minami declared that her daughter was a monster, then they weren’t going anywhere, and Mutsumi couldn’t have been happier for it. 

“I’m sorry,” Nyamu murmured when she finally felt confident enough to break the silence. “I didn’t mean to drag all of you into this. I didn’t think she was going to go so far, and I… I didn’t want to hurt you. I just… I don’t know. I guess I wanted to prove that she was wrong, but I don’t think anyone can prove that she’s wrong anymore. She already made up her mind about how she feels about this, and we don’t stand much of a chance in persuading her.”

“Thank you for telling us the truth,” Mortis said with a weak smile as she rubbed at her eyes with the heels of her hands. “I feel like… I feel like I understand everything a little bit better now. I always thought that we were being dramatic when we said that we didn’t feel like Minami-chan didn’t like us… So in a strange way, I’m glad to know the truth now. I’m glad to know that it wasn’t just us. She… She actually just feels that way.”

Mutsumi nodded her agreement, and her chest went tight at the thought. She would probably be reeling from this revelation for quite some time to come. She didn’t want to think that Minami hated her, but she didn’t have much of a choice anymore. The truth had come to light, and Mutsumi was going to be left struggling beneath its weight for a long time to come. At least she knew Nyamu and Umiri were always going to love her and Mortis. 

In many ways, Mutsumi felt the same way Mortis did. It was difficult to describe, but she found herself feeling… Relieved now that the truth was out. Mutsumi had feared she was losing her mind before, seeing hatred where there was none and punishing Minami accordingly. Now though, she knew that she had been right to trust her instincts. Mutsumi should have listened to her heart years ago when it said that Minami did not care about her. Perhaps it would have spared her a bit of this pain now. 

No… It wouldn’t have been that simple. Children wanted to be loved and accepted by their parents more than anything. Mutsumi was hardly the exception to that rule. She had always wanted to pursue the love of her parents even when they were busy with their work. Mutsumi wanted to be accepted just as much as any other child, and she would have continued reaching out for that imagined love even when she began to see that Minami would not be giving it to her. Children wanted to be cared for, and Mutsumi had convinced herself that Minami’s brand of hatred was love in a desperate attempt to feel something like normalcy. She needed it to be love because she could not stand the idea of it being anything else. 

Even now, Mutsumi found herself wondering what she could have done differently. Was there a path that she could have followed in order to make Minami love her? As far as she could tell, the answer was no. If Minami truly had decided that she hated her daughter by the time she turned three, then Mutsumi stood no chance of establishing her own sense of self beyond that. Minami had made up her mind well over a decade ago, and Mutsumi was the one who was suffering the consequences. Daughters should never have had to ever think about fighting to earn the love of their mothers. Minami should have simply cared, and if she was unable to muster even a bit of adoration for her daughter, then perhaps she was not cut out to be a mother in the first place. 

The thought tasted bittersweet on Mutsumi’s tongue. She wanted to be accepted, but she was never going to find the validation she craved. Minami was never going to give it to her, and she saw the truth for what it was now. She was glad that she had been proven to not be crazy, but Mutsumi doubted she would ever be able to convince herself to stop reaching after her mother’s back. She was simply going to have to make a new family for herself without Minami. It wouldn’t be easy, but Mutsumi knew all of Ave Mujica would be there for her. Nyamu and Umiri would hold her hands, and Mortis would hold her heart. Together, they would make something greater than all of this, and Minami would never realize just how much she had lost until it was too late to ever get it back. 

“Well… There’s only one thing left for us to do now,” Umiri declared, continuing to rub soft circles across the back of Mutsumi’s hand. Mutsumi, Mortis, and Nyamu all looked up at her in muted curiosity. “We have to go down there and see her one more time so we can consider this dinner finished.”

“We don’t have to do that,” Mortis cut in hurriedly, her panic making her and Mutsumi’s heart rate spike. “W-We can just sneak out the window! I don’t think anyone will mind it if we don’t leave through the front door. I mean, no one ever bothered to check in on me when I was in here for a full month after Ave Mujica broke up. Nobody even noticed that my toys were everywhere and the curtains were shredded until Soyo-chan came. I don’t think anyone will care if we sneak out now. We can get away with it, and everything will be fine! They won’t even know! You won’t get in trouble! I promise!”

Mutsumi watched a storm of complex emotions play across both Nyamu and Umiri’s faces at Mortis’ words. They didn’t seem to know that Mortis had been left entirely on her own for the month she was lost in the darkness of her psychotic episode. Before Soyo came to check on her, Mortis had only herself and the other dormant roles in their mind for company because Mutsumi was asleep. Minami knew that Mortis was in the midst of a mental breakdown, but she had never bothered to so much as knock on the door and talk to her. Minami only heard of Mortis’ condition through the other servants at the house, too desperate to avoid her daughter to even think of supporting her when she was falling apart. 

In hindsight, that entire incident felt like proof of Minami’s hatred for her daughter. She had avoided Mortis and Mutsumi’s bedroom when Mortis was crying herself to sleep every night and using a ballet shoe as a phone. Minami couldn’t even muster a few moments to pretend to care for her daughter. She would call it love, but it was very clearly not the case. If she hadn’t been there when Mortis was spiraling, then how could she be there any other time? 

“That only makes me want to do this more,” Umiri admitted, a new determination sparking to life in her eyes. “I want to go down there and tell her that she won’t be able to convince us to leave you. I want her to know that we’re choosing to stay with you no matter what. I’m not going to let her hurt you again, and I’m going to prove it by going down there and showing her how much I care.”

Mutsumi bit down on her bottom lip and worked the skin between her teeth so she didn’t collapse into another cycle of tears. “We… We don’t have to do that,” Mutsumi murmured. “I-I don’t know if I want to see her right now… If she looks at us that way again, then I…” 

“We’ll be here for you,” Umiri promised, pulling Mutsumi in for a tight embrace. “I’m not going to let her hurt you again… And I want to prove myself the same way Nyamu did. I’m choosing to be here, and I want to choose to make her see how much she’s missing out on by deciding she hates you.” Umiri pressed a kiss to the crown of Mutsumi’s head, and Mutsumi felt heat bloom across her cheeks. She truly had the best girlfriends in the world. 

Mutsumi pulled away from Umiri slowly, and she glanced back and forth between her girlfriends. Tears were still threatening to consume her eyes even after she had cried out all the water she thought she had in her body. “Are… Are you sure about this?” Mutsumi whispered. “I don’t know what she’s going to say when we go downstairs, and I…” She sniffled, and her fragile walls came crashing back down like she had never managed to construct them in the first place. “Are you really alright with dating a monster? N-Not even my own mother can love me, and I… I just…” Mutsumi’s assumption that she had cried out all of her tears was quickly proven wrong when she began to sob again, her shoulders jolting from the force of her grief. 

Nyamu shook her head and hooked her arm around Mutsumi’s waist. “You’re not a monster at all. I knew that from the instant Minami-chan told me that. I don’t care what she has to say. I can see you for who you really are, and I’m choosing to be here. She won’t ever chase me off. There’s nothing you can do to convince me to leave you here.” One hand drifted up to Mutsumi’s cheek to brush away a few stray tears. “I love you, and I’ll say it however many times I have to.”

“She’s the real monster for deciding that she doesn’t care about her own daughter,” Umiri agreed with a firm nod. “Parents are supposed to care for their children, and if she can’t muster that… Then she was never meant to be a mother. She shouldn’t have that power over you. You deserve better than to hear what she has to say. You deserve better than to be hated.”

“You can consider yourself a member of the Yuutenji family going forward,” Nyamu smiled. “I can take you all to Fukuoka next time you want to introduce yourselves to someone’s family. My siblings can be rowdy, but I know they’d love to get to know you all. More importantly, it’ll go much better than tonight did.” Nyamu’s face softened, and she pressed her hand a bit closer to Mutsumi’s cheek. “You’ll be loved there. I promise.”

“And you’ll be loved after we get out of here too,” Umiri nodded. She glanced over Mutsumi at Nyamu. “You’re going to hold true to that promise to do something a bit more fun after we get out of here, right?”

“Of course,” Nyamu agreed, her eyes sliding down to Mutsumi. “You want orange juice?”

Mortis managed a soft smile through her tears. “Mango smoothie.”

“Done,” Nyamu confirmed with an authoritative nod. She pulled Umiri, Mutsumi, and Mortis in for one last hug, and Mutsumi melted into it. Her eyes were still lined with tears, but she knew she was going to be alright. Minami had decided to not love her, but Nyamu and Umiri had chosen the opposite. They did not have to love her, and yet, they did anyway. They had chosen to come to this miserable dinner to be with her and Mortis. Even after learning that Minami hated her daughter, they had chosen to stay. Minami had made her choice, but Umiri and Nyamu had made theirs too, and their decisions proved their loyalty to their love. 

Nyamu pushed herself to her feet first, clinging tightly to one of Mutsumi and Mortis’ hands. Umiri claimed the other, and they remained a unified force as they walked toward the door of the bedroom. Nyamu pushed the door open, and they walked down the steps as a trio. Mutsumi was dreading seeing her mother when she arrived downstairs, but she was glad Nyamu and Umiri were there for her. Perhaps this wouldn’t be as intimidating a battle to win as long as her girlfriends were by her side. Mutsumi belonged in between them even when Minami would argue otherwise. Mutsumi would be safe as long as she had Umiri and Nyamu to cling to. They would be her anchors as she weathered the storm of her mother’s brutality, and Mutsumi was glad she and Mortis would not be surviving it on their own. She squeezed tighter at both hands that were holding her own and mustered a small smile she knew would threaten Minami. Somehow, that thought brought greater relief to Mutsumi than anything else that night. 

Minami was standing just beside the dinner table when the quartet arrived at the bottom of the stairs. She was speaking with one of the servants, trying to figure out what to do with all of the food lining the table. Mutsumi was glad that Minami hadn’t tried to go after her to cheer her up, and yet, she found herself oddly disheartened by the idea that Minami didn’t even bother to think of it. Mutsumi didn’t want Minami to come to an Ave Mujica concert, but it stung to know that her mother didn’t want to try either. Even after learning of how much her mother hated her, Mutsumi found herself chasing after that love she knew she would never receive. There was only so much she could do to shake the instincts of parents and children, though Mutsumi hoped that it was a habit she would be able to convince herself to kick one day. 

“There you are,” Minami commented with a smile as she saw the girls arrive. There was something strained to her grin, and Mutsumi recognized that she had practiced it to make sure that she didn’t let her hatred from earlier in the night slip again. Minami recognized that her act had fallen out of her control, and she was doing her best to keep such a thing from repeating. “I was beginning to wonder if you were getting up to something up there.”

“We have something to tell you,” Nyamu declared, and Mutsumi felt her heart begin to race. She squeezed tighter at Nyamu’s hand, and Nyamu returned the gesture gently as she took in a grounding breath. “We love your daughter more than anything else, and we wanted you to know that we will be staying with her no matter what happens.”

Umiri nodded. “We both love Mutsumi dearly, and we intend to stay in her life from now on. We appreciated tonight’s meal, but I’m afraid we have other matters to attend to, so we won’t be able to stay for any longer. Thank you.” Even as Umiri thanked Minami for her hospitality, her voice was rough, and anyone who knew her well would be able to tell that her flat tone was not simply a matter of her struggling to express herself. It was evidence of her distaste for Minami, and Umiri didn’t care enough to bother to hide it. Minami did not deserve any pretenses from Umiri, Nyamu, or anyone else. If Minami wanted greater kindness, then she should have at least tried to pretend to care for her child. 

Mutsumi could feel her tears threatening to return, and she realized a bit too late that her face was red and puffy from how much she had cried upstairs. Minami did not comment on it, and Mutsumi was glad for it. She did not want to see Minami act in the vein of a motherhood she had never expressed before, especially when they all knew it would ring painfully hollow. Minami was the reason for her tears, and she had no right to try and dry them now. 

Mutsumi fought to keep herself from crying again, not wanting to show Minami a weakness like that. Even so, it was hard to keep her tears back. Every kind word that Umiri and Nyamu had shared with her that night warmed her chest and gave her heart another reason to beat. Minami may have thought of Mutsumi and Mortis as monsters, but Umiri and Nyamu saw them as humans. They found love in their eyes, and Mutsumi was glad she was the one they had chosen to give that care away to freely. There was no one she would rather spend her life with. There was no family she would rather construct in the empty space that Minami’s hatred had left behind. 

Nyamu offered Minami a smile that burned with passion and love, and if Minami took another step toward her, Nyamu would make sure the pyre consumed her. “I appreciate your feedback, but I will be continuing down this path,” Nyamu confirmed, each word dripping with veiled aggression. “I love your daughter… And I hope that I have more opportunities to prove it for the rest of my life.”

Minami stared at Nyamu for a long moment, seeming to forget entirely about her daughter. The only people in the world were Minami and her former protege, and all that mattered was the hatred Nyamu was directing at her. It was only when Minami’s gaze dropped to the spot where Nyamu and Mutsumi were clinging to each other that she remembered her flesh and blood was there. Minami had treated Nyamu with more kindness and familiarity than she afforded to her daughter, but all of that care was long gone now. Nyamu had chosen to stand against Minami, and Minami had no reason to show her that affection ever again. After all, Nyamu had done the unthinkable and expressed her determination to do the one thing Minami could never even act her way into doing: loving Mutsumi unconditionally. 

When Minami finally acknowledged her daughter’s presence again, an ugly, dark emotion bubbled up in her eyes. Minami was able to press it back down where it had come from again a moment later, but Mutsumi would never forget the split second where her mother stared at her in such dark hatred. That look would haunt her for the rest of her life, and Mutsumi knew it bitterly well. “I… I am happy you have found a place where you belong,” Minami eventually forced herself to say. “If you ever find yourself in need of another opportunity, then–”

“I won’t,” Nyamu cut in, and Mutsumi stared at her in wide-eyed shock. Once upon a time, Nyamu had wanted nothing more than to use Mutsumi’s connections to claw her way up through the hierarchy of the world. She had been more than fine with weaponizing Minami’s ties in the industry however she could. Anything was worth it in the name of making upward progress and pushing toward something greater. 

But the line had finally been drawn. Nyamu may have wanted to become greater and stronger, but she would not bend the knee to a woman she found to be a monster. Nyamu would not hurt Mutsumi, and if that meant she sacrificed her bond with Minami, then so be it. Nyamu had decided that she valued Mutsumi above her career and the potential power she could find at Minami’s side. The realization could have sent Mutsumi into another fit of tears, but she bit her lip to make sure nothing spilled over. That weakness was not something Minami was allowed to see.

“They really love us,” Mortis murmured, unable to hold back her tears internally. She rubbed at her eyes and let out a wet laugh that echoed through their mind. “They really, really love us.”

Mutsumi pulled Mortis in tighter. “There’s no one better who could love us.” Mortis nodded, and she threw her arms around Mutsumi in a perfect embrace that warmed their body as well as their heart.

Umiri was the first to move toward the door when she realized Nyamu would not be backing down from her stare down with Minami willingly. “We should get going,” Umiri declared. “We have plans tonight. We wouldn’t want to throw our schedule off.” 

As an actress, Minami knew the importance of scheduling, and it was the reason this had become a dinner instead of an immediate conversation when she realized her daughter had found two partners. Minami nodded stiffly, but Mutsumi could see her quiet upset. Minami was unhappy that Umiri had scheduled out another part of the night for something other than the dinner. Minami didn’t need to know that the only point of scheduling was about taking Mutsumi away from her. Nothing mattered more to Umiri than making sure Mutsumi was safe, and she would not find security in Minami’s presence. 

“I understand,” Minami nodded, using her expert acting skills to hide any dissatisfaction that threatened to swallow her expression. She had already made a few too many mistakes that night, and the least she could do was ensure she didn’t slip up again. “I look forward to seeing you again. I wonder if we could host another dinner like this.”

“Maybe,” Umiri hummed, but her dismissive tone clearly said that she had no plans of returning to the Wakaba home as long as Minami was there. “Come on, Nyamu. It wouldn’t do to keep our client waiting.” Mutsumi allowed herself a tiny crack of a smile. She knew Umiri thought of her as the ‘client’ in this situation. The job was to avoid Minami, and it was one Umiri took very seriously and personally. 

“Goodbye, Minami-chan!” Nyamu chorused, her voice almost mocking as she cast a wave in Minami’s direction. When she turned toward the door, she ducked her head to press a kiss to Mutsumi’s cheek. Mutsumi felt her face go bright red, and she was glad that she would be leaving before Minami had the chance to register just how embarrassed she was. Mutsumi got flustered when Nyamu and Umiri were affectionate with her in front of Sakiko, and Sakiko had at least learned how to tolerate their relationship even through her mild frustrations with Nyamu’s antics. Minami, on the other hand… 

Nyamu didn’t have any shame in her mind or in her heart as she walked toward the door, giving a light tug to Mutsumi’s hand to remind her to keep moving. Nyamu paused just in front of the door, her free hand reaching out to turn the knob before she turned to face Minami. “I’m going to be spending the rest of my days staring at the sun, and if you can’t do the same…” Nyamu’s expression shifted ever so slightly in a way that went beyond words. “Maybe you’re not cut out for this industry.”

Mutsumi’s eyes went wide, but she never got the chance to muster a response. Minami couldn’t even say anything before Nyamu pushed the door open and walked outside. Mutsumi let Umiri and Nyamu pull her out of the Wakaba mansion, and she only felt herself snap back into her body when she stumbled out into the night air. It was cool outside, a balm against the heat that had settled so stiflingly across her skin. Mutsumi felt like she was breathing for the first time since she had arrived there for the dinner, and she let herself smile at the realization that she had survived. She had feared she would never be able to push through it, and yet, she had. 

She had done it. They all had. 

Mortis took control the instant Mutsumi let her guard down outside. She pulled Umiri and Nyamu’s hands up to her cheeks so she could feel their skin on her face. “I can’t believe we got through that!” Mortis exclaimed, giving up on masking entirely. She sniffled as soon as the touch was in her grasp, and another wave of tears rushed out of her eyes. “I’m a mess! Look at what tonight did to me! Minami-chan is so mean, isn’t she?”

“She is,” Umiri confirmed. “But you don’t have to deal with her anymore. We can go back to my apartment and spend the rest of the night together. You don’t have to come back until you feel comfortable doing that.”

“We’re not going back to your place, Umiko,” Nyamu cut in with a slight disgusted pinch to her features. It was no secret that Nyamu was not too fond of Umiri’s apartment. In Nyamu’s words, the apartment was cramped, dirty, and unpleasant. She only found it worthwhile because it was a place Umiri found cozy, but if the girls were going to hang out at one of their homes, Nyamu would insist it be somewhere else instead. “We’ll head back to my dorm. There’s a great convenience store close by, and we can get you your mango smoothie.”

Mortis’ face visibly brightened at Nyamu’s words. “I can’t wait!” she cheered. It was just the mood booster she needed after realizing just how little Minami cared for her, and while it wouldn’t entirely fill the hole left behind by Minami’s hatred, it certainly wouldn’t hurt. “Thanks, Nyamu-chan!”

“Only the best for my favorite girls,” Nyamu smiled, squeezing at Mortis’ hand once again. She gave the shorter girl a kiss to the forehead, and Mortis elevated herself onto the tips of her toes to chase the touch. Nyamu used her free hand to ruffle Mortis’ hair, and Mortis laughed through the catches in her lungs brought by her earlier tearfulness, finding true joy for the first time all night. 

Nyamu led Mutsumi, Mortis, and Umiri through the gate leading up to the Wakaba mansion and out onto the street. Once they were fully free of the confines of the Wakaba manor’s extended grounds, Umiri gave a solemn squeeze to Mutsumi and Mortis’ hand. “One day… I’m going to help you get out of there,” Umiri whispered, the words just barely loud enough to be heard above the cool night breeze. Mutsumi, Mortis, and Nyamu all looked at her in muted shock. “I don’t care how long it takes or how much we have to fight. I’m going to make sure you have another place to call home. I’m not going to sit back and let her hurt you for the rest of your life. If there’s ever something I can do to help you escape, then just say the word. You can come to my apartment any time. If you need anything, then I’ll be there. I promise.”

Mutsumi couldn’t hold back her surprise as she stared up at Umiri. Most people believed that Umiri was distant and apathetic, never getting close enough to express herself to those around her. Mutsumi, Mortis, and Nyamu saw another side to her though. Umiri cared a lot for the people in her life, and she expressed it in her own way. She wanted to prove herself reliable and trustworthy however she could, and in instances like this, it manifested as a promise to be there no matter what. Umiri wanted to be a rock for others to cling to during a hurricane, something stable in the face of a wild world. Umiri cared in ways she could not put to words, but she did not have to express it verbally. She was understood even in the silence, and she always would be so long as her girlfriends were there. 

Umiri was a woman of action, wanting to take matters into her own hands so she could fix it all however she could. She was desperate to do something meaningful for others and prove her loyalty in the process. Unfortunately, in a situation like this, Umiri could not act in a way that would save anyone. Umiri would not be able to rescue Mutsumi and Mortis from their horrible home until they were able to come up with a backup plan… But she could offer everything she had to fill the hole of grief left behind by Minami’s hatred. Umiri could promise a family, and she wanted that vow to be worthwhile more than anything. 

Mutsumi had never thought about leaving her family behind. She had thought it impossible, that she would always be shackled to the ties of her bloodline. She would always be the daughter of Minami Mori and Takafumi Wakaba… But Nyamu and Umiri saw her as something more. They saw her as a person in her own right. They saw her as a human rather than a doll. They saw her as someone who struggled but still deserved safety. They wanted to be her salvation. They wanted to give her a chance in a world that had never given her the opportunity to yearn for it at all. They wanted to love, and Mutsumi and Mortis wanted to love too. 

Mutsumi smiled, and she held as tightly to Nyamu and Umiri’s hands as she could without cutting off circulation. “I know you will… But until then, I’m going to be alright. As long as I have you two here…” She felt Mortis perk up within the world of her mind. “As long as I have all of you here… I’m going to be alright.”

Mortis easily slipped into control of their body, and she let out a breath that shook from the weight of her previous tears. “Thank you for loving us.”

Umiri shook her head. “It’s easy.” 

Nyamu’s smile, burning and scathing, became the soft dance of warm, loving fire within a hearth. “There’s nothing I would rather do.”