Chapter Text
Selina had been used to a lot of things in her years in Gotham: crazy clowns, unstable criminals, cannibalistic sewer monsters, and the things that happened every time John Constantine came to town were best left unsaid.
But finding out she had a child stalker who had been following her and the others for who knows how long, and seeing him hanging upside down from one of Pamela's plants, was a whole new level of weirdness.
“Now Maroni is using the kids to spy on us?” Pamela asked boredly, and the kid yelled, “I don’t work for Maroni! I’m here because I want to!”
“Really? I doubt it, little pumpkin,” Harley said, leaning on her baseball bat.
“My name is Tim! And I’m not a spy! I’m investigating!”
“So you’re a detective,” Selina giggled, and motioned for Pamela to put the kid back down.
The redhead reluctantly did so, and when he had his feet firmly on the ground, Selina asked, “Well? What were you investigating, little detective?”
Tim looked uncertain, his lips pressed into a thin line and he wouldn’t meet her eyes.
Then in one breath he blurted out, “Are you my mother?”
“What the fuck?”
Okay, that was definitely not what she was expecting!
She felt Pamela stiffen next to her, while Harley nearly choked on laughter.
Selina, on the other hand, wasn’t sure whether to laugh too or not.
“Why do you think I’m your mother?” she asked, trying to make sense of this madness.
“Well, I took a DNA test at home …”
“Which is a normal thing to do when you’re seven,” Pamela muttered, and Tim looked at her indignantly, “I’m nine! Not seven! I’m just a little short!”
“More like fucking malnourished. Do you even eat, boy?” Harley finally decided to be serious, looking at the boy critically.
“Of course I do! Mrs. Mac makes food for me and brings it home every time she comes, like, twice a week.”
“Does your nanny come twice a week?”
Tim frowned, “She’s not my nanny. She’s my housekeeper.”
Before Harley could ask anything else—like, who the hell supervised that mini weirdo—Selina spoke up, “Why the hell did you take a DNA test at home?”
“They wouldn’t let me at the hospital because I’m a minor,” Tim muttered, almost adorable indignation, “I had to do it.”
“But why?”
“I wanted to know why my dad doesn’t like me.”
The answer, spoken with complete simplicity, a fact as indisputable as Joker’s insanity and police corruption, was like a punch in the gut for her, and it hit too close to home.
“Tim, why do you think your dad doesn’t like you?” Harley asked first, and for a moment Selina saw her as the psychologist she’d been, before Joker ruined her life.
“I don’t think so. I know,” the boy said, piqued, “I see the way he looks at me, like I’m broken and he doesn’t know how to fix me. Which I’m not, the problem is I’m smarter than he is and he doesn’t like it, and when he gets mad, he breaks my things.”
“Does this happen often?” her friend asked, and Selina could see her tingle, eager to go see Tim’s mysterious father and have a chat with him. Honestly, it was the same for her, and she bet Pamela would help, if only for the satisfaction of humiliating a man.
“Only when my parents are in Gotham, like…uh…every two months or so.”
She’ll regret opening that particular can of worms, but Selina needed to know by now, “Wow, every two months? Do they travel a lot?”
“They’re archaeologists, so they often leave suddenly if something new comes up.”
“What about you?”
Tim looked at her blankly, and Selina had to clarify, “Don't you go with them?”
“Why would I do that?” the boy asked, genuinely baffled. “I’d just be a nuisance. I’m better off here, I can handle myself.”
Her mind repeated on loop I can handle myself. I can handle myself. I can handle myself...
Hell! Nobody can handle himself at nine fucking years old!
Fuck Batman, she was about to kill some assholes!
“If you’re here, the DNA test came back negative not only for your father but also for your mother,” Pamela finally spoke up, and oh yeah, in the midst of all that shit, she’d forgotten about the DNA test.
Tim shrugged, “I got their toothbrushes from the bathroom. They were identical, and I didn’t know which was dad’s and which was mom’s. So I checked both, and well, it came back negative. I was expecting dad, but not mom. She likes me.”
“So you’re…”
“Adopted, judging by the papers I hacked from the registry office.”
Sure, self-tested DNA, tracking Rouges… why not add hacking into the registry registry office’s servers?
It was normal, they were in Gotham.
“You disappeared for a while about ten years ago…” Pamela mused aloud, and Selina shot her a dirty look.
“I was hiding in New York from Black Mask, you know,” she replied, annoyed, “I wasn’t hiding a pregnancy! And it was eight years ago, not ten.”
Pamela didn’t change her expression, while Tim looked disappointed, “So you’re not my mother?”
“I’m afraid not, honey.”
She was about to say “I’m sorry,” but held back. Selina wasn’t the motherly type, but she would have put in a little more effort than a couple who left their son alone in the city with the highest crime rate in America and where the father broke things when he was angry and/or drunk.
“Oh…I’ll have to cross a name off my list.”
“Do you have a list?” Harley asked, but then she shouldn’t have even been surprised anymore.
“Sure. My biological father had a lot of exes.”
“How did you find out about him but not your mother?” Selina asked.
Tim looked a little embarrassed, “Well, when I took samples to determine if my dad was my father, I also compared them to other men my mother had been very close to. And one actually came back positive…”
“Which one?”
Tim then looked at her, the same expression Pamela had every time Selina came back from one of her heists after meeting Batman, and she knew before he even said, “He’s someone you know very, very well.”
“Oh, shit…you’re Batsy’s son!” Harley exclaimed, she had also gotten it right away, which was kind of rude, Selina and Bruce didn’t have an exclusive, she could have been referring to anyone else!
Looking closer, she could see some physical similarities. Plus, there was the fact that Tim was a total weirdo who did the most inconvenient things instead of, you know, asking. Even though his adoptive parents would probably never tell him the truth, so all his exaggeration was justified.
“Well, since we’ve established that you’re not my mother, I’m leaving…”
“Stop, kid,” Selina stopped him, half an idea forming in her mind.
She was about to do something both right and terribly funny.
Tim couldn’t go back, for a variety of reasons, in addition to his lousy parents: he’ll either get himself killed or become a criminal, and Gotham didn’t need any more criminal geniuses, not with the expertise that brat was already demonstrating.
On the other hand, she knew that Bruce’s reaction – and his children by extension – would be priceless.
“My parents aren’t paying a ransom,” Tim simply said with a deadpan expression, as if he was used to saying the same thing too many times, “And my biological father doesn’t know about me.”
“Good thing he will know soon,” Harley said cheerfully, she had had the same idea as Selina, and she knew it would be hella fun.
“We’re going to take you to him!”
“What?!”
Notes:
Now, who could be Tim's mom?
- Talia Al-Ghoul. He was the first baby "aborted" when she and Bruce were together and then given up for adoption.
- Cadmus. A pre- Terry gone wrong.
- Lex Luthor or Ra's Al Ghoul. Nothing will beat old man yaoi.
Chapter Text
Bruce had called him. He had asked him to come. And Dick had left the Titans' meeting and gone to get his bike.
He had known Bruce for years, and even though they weren't always on good terms, (when they weren't actively yelling at each other) Dick would always drop everything to help his family.
If Batman called, no matter what name he was given, Robin would always come.
"Bruce, I got here first…" Nightwing stopped, seeing that the cave wasn't exactly empty, with Selina and a little boy standing near the Batcomputer, "Why is Catwoman here? Are you two back together?"
"Thank God no," was the woman's quick reaction, and since she had had to put up with Bruce for so many years, her reaction was legit, "I brought him a gift."
"A gift?"
The woman smiled ferally and showed him the little boy, "Say hello to your new little brother."
Dick's mind short-circuited. He looked at the kid, then Bruce, then Selina, did some quick calculations, and blurted out, "Catwoman is your baby mom?!"
Damn, he owed Jason so much money. The brat had said that Bruce would eventually have a biological child, he just had to wait, and he didn't believe him like an idiot.
Oh, at least he had one with Selina and not, like, Talia Al Ghoul.
"What's a baby mom?" the child asked, and before Selina could answer, Bruce spoke up, "Dick, language."
"Oh, so you can get a criminal pregnant and I have to be careful with my language? No offense, Selina."
"No offense taken," the woman said calmly, "And I hate to tell you this, but I'm not Tim's baby mom."
"Huh?"
"We know who the father is, but we don't know who the mother is. And I brought him here to find out."
Dick ran a hand over his face, "Okay, I have so much to unpack here. Where's Jason?"
"With Harley and Ivy. They're kicking some rapist's ass."
"And you let him do that?" he asked Bruce, incredulous.
Bruce looked unhappy, "Jason really wanted to go out on the Garzonas case. I should have followed him, but given the current situation, I couldn't."
"So you think it's okay to leave him with Ivy and Harley? Are you serious?"
"He needed supervision, and he respects both of them," Bruce replied, sounding very, very tired. Well, he would be too if his teenage son preferred two criminals turned anti-heroes to him. "Selina assured me there would be no murders."
"And you believed her? No offense Selina again, but you know how your friends are..."
Selina just laughed, "Don't worry, little bird. Killing Garzonas would be a mercy compared to what Ivy and Harley want to do to him. It'll be a good lesson for your brother."
This didn't reassure him at all, but as long as Bruce was okay with it, he figured it was preferable to Jason descending into rage and violence that would lead to bad life decisions.
Besides, he hated to admit it, but the sudden appearance of a biological son was exactly the kind of reason Batman wouldn't go on patrol.
He walked over to the Batcomputer, "Okay, so...we already know you're the biological father because..."
"I took a home test to find out who my father was," Tim spoke for the first time, looking at Dick like he'd just flown in from the sky instead of just come riding his motorcycle, "I wanted to find out why my father didn't like me, and it turns out it's because I'm not his son, but then I found out my mother isn't my mom either, and that I'm adopted."
"You're...boy, how old are you?"
"Nine."
Nine years old and he was already doing home paternity tests. God, he was a little freak.
Dick already liked him.
Selina smiled at his expression, "Yeah, he does that. If Ivy hadn't caught him, I think he would have followed us all night until he got a DNA sample from me."
"What?!"
"I wouldn't have followed you all night...and then you just accidentally found me! No one ever notices me!"
"Do you have a habit of following criminals at night, Tim?" he couldn't help but ask.
"No?" the boy tried, and damn, if that wasn't a lie, Dick wasn't an adrenaline junkie.
"Where are your adoptive parents? Do they know about your experiments?"
Selina's expression turned murderous. He'd seen her so few times and damn, he was always glad he wasn't the one who caused it.
"If Tim here wasn't already Bruce's, I would have kidnapped him and brought him here anyway. Yeah, that's how fucked up the Drakes are."
The Drakes? Wait a moment...Bruce's neighbors ended up adopting his biological child? What were the chances?
"I was fine," Tim insisted, "Who cares if dad doesn't love me? Mom does. And I'm old enough to take care of myself, so why worry? It's a good thing they travel so much, so I can be free to do what I want."
Bruce groaned, and Dick had become well enough versed in Bruce language to know that it was a God, not another. He had just gotten his hands on another gremlin.
"Tim, honey, you're nine. You shouldn't…"
He was interrupted by the sound of the computer. The results had come in. Everyone looked at the screen in anticipation, and the reaction was, of course, shock.
"I wish Selina was my mom" Tim said sincerely, and well, Dick could relate.
Bruce, on the other hand, was completely still, barely breathing. Selina said, "Well, that explains a lot more. He's like this because he's also her son. I'm sorry, kid. You're already fucked up."
It spoke volumes about Bruce's state that he didn't scold her for cursing in front of a child.
He was still there, staring at the name on the screen.
Talia Al Ghoul.
Chapter Text
Bruce stayed in the cave for a long time afterwards.
He waited for Jason's return – he hadn't killed anyone thank God, but Garzonas won't walk straight for a long time, and other things had been damaged forever, thanks to Harley – explained the situation to him, hoping he wouldn't get upset about his decision to let Tim stay at the Manor that night.
"Old man, if you think you're going to get that child back to a house that's not safe for him, you and I will have to talk."
All in all, it had gone well. Dick hadn't reacted as he had last time to the presence of another child at the Manor, Jason hadn't automatically thought he was going to be replaced, and Bruce hadn't technically kidnapped Tim, but Selina had brought him.
So why was he still there doing nothing, staring at the computer screen?
"You know, it's not that staring at it, she'll magically call you," Selina finally said, making him wince. He didn't realize that she was still here. "I know you're upset, but that requires one of those things you love to do: speak like civilized adults."
"It's not necessary," he said rigidly, the woman's closeness made his body quiver in familiar and annoying ways, but he didn't have the strength to push her away, "Tim is here, he's fine. She doesn't need to know."
"What, do you want to reciprocate? She hid a whole ass baby from you for all these years, so now you hide the kid? Very mature, Bruce," Selina mocked him.
He ran a hand over his eyes, "That's not the reason. Calling her, letting her know that I know... that Tim exists... it could put him in danger."
"Well, both you and Talia have many enemies..."
"Not because of our enemies. It's because of Ra's."
Selina looked at him warily, "He may be a madman, but he loves his daughter, he wouldn't hurt his grandson."
"No, but he would like to raise him as his heir, and Selina, the League of Assassins is not a place for children. I understand why Talia lied to me about the miscarriage..."
"Wait a moment," the woman interrupted him with a peremptory gesture, "Did you know she was pregnant? And she told you that she had had a miscarriage? What kind of soap opera shit is this?!"
"Selina..."
"No, don't tell me it's normal to lie about it! And how did she manage to hide the pregnancy from Ra's?"
"I don't know," Bruce sighed.
Selina pressed, "And how did Tim get to Gotham?"
"I don't even know that."
"See? These are all great reasons to call Talia and talk to her! Fuck Ra's!" Selina blurted out vehemently, being looked at sideways by Bruce.
"I told you that the risk of leaks..."
"Do you want me to believe that you have no direct and hyper-protected communication chanel with her? You, the most paranoid man I know?" Selina pointed out, and Bruce moved uncomfortably in his chair, "In effect, our line of communication is secured. But it could happen..."
"Don't think about eventualities! Just think that upstairs there is a kid who has just discovered that there are two adults in his life who didn't want him, and Talia owes him a damn explanation!"
"You're very involved," he couldn't help but point out.
She shrugged, "I can't help it, deadbeats piss me off."
"Even when there are very good reasons for what they did?"
"Especially if there are reasons," Selina replied vehemently, "The boy deserves to know, and to know whether to get angry or not!"
"He doesn't seem angry to me."
"Well, give him time to understand what Talia did to him, and you'll see how he starts to have so many mommy issues that it will make your problems pale!"
Bruce grimaced, "Talia wanted to protect him."
"Or she didn't want children in her way, and her reasons are anything but noble as you think!"
"You can't know."
"Neither do you," Selina retorted, and with a nimble maneuver, she began the call, without Bruce having the time, or the desire, to stop her, "Now we'll know."
"Selina!"
"The boy deserves his answers. And so do you, Bruce," the woman's gaze was dark and full of promise, "Save yourself yours I understand why she did it. You have the right to be angry! You have the right to want to have your answers, just like Tim! Instead of suppressing your emotions, for once deal with them in a healthy way."
"And the healthy way would be yelling at my ex?"
"Fuck yes it's the healthy way!"
He couldn't avoid it: Bruce laughed. It was a beautiful sound, which was heard too rarely for Selina's taste. The moment was interrupted by the woman of the moment: Talia.
"You don't call me often for pleasure, beloved," the voice was drawling, almost bored, as Talia Al Ghoul's face filled the screen, showing his imperfections (almost absent, to Selina's chagrin) and tired look, "And I see you're not alone."
"Hello to you too, Talia," Selina greeted her with less venom than she would have liked.
Talia narrowed her eyes at them, probably bites of jealousy were tormenting her just seeing another woman next to Bruce, "If you're investigating suspicious activity in your city, I'm afraid I can't help you. The League these days is... chaotic, so to speak."
"That's not why I called you," Bruce said immediately, his fists clenched, trying not to tremble for too many unexpressed feelings, a real nightmare for someone like him who preferred not to talk about what was troubling him, "Talia, I have to ask you... I know it's hard for you..."
"Haven't you lost something? About nine years old, three apples tall or a little more, and with black hair and blue eyes?" Selina cut it short, not wanting Bruce's savior complex to make things longer than they were meant to be.
Talia's expression didn't change, "I don't understand what you're talking about, Miss Kyle."
"Oh, you know that very well. Do you know who came looking for me? Bruce's son. The son who shouldn't even have been alive, since, according to what you said, he was dead."
Only then did Talia's breathing tremble, "How?"
"You should tell us that, since neither Bruce nor I knew anything here," she carefully emphasized the last part, perhaps in the hope of making that woman feel a little guilt.
A difficult task, considering the type, but no one can say that Selina had not tried.
Talia remained silent for a long time. A silence full of tension, which immediately made Selina think that she was looking for a way to free herself with a lie.
She wouldn't let her, "If you're trying to make up a story..."
"That's not my intention, Miss Kyla," Talia said with rigid formalism, "I'm weighing my options, that's all."
"Options on how to lie?" she provoked her.
"On how to act," the other specified with a wave of anger, "I didn't believe that this day would come, and at such a time, by the way. It seems that Fate wanted it that way."
"Talia, I don't care about Fate," Bruce's voice was still gentle, but firm, "I want to know why you lied to me."
"It's not obvious, beloved? My father wouldn't let you raise our son the way you wanted, and I didn't want to choose between you and him."
"And you gave him up for adoption?!" Selina interjected.
"It was the best solution."
"Bullshit! You..."
"If you want the whole story, you'll have to wait until Monday," Talia interrupted, her green eyes now focused on Bruce, "I'm going to come to Gotham Pier, and I won't be alone. I'll tell you anything you want, beloved. I owe it to you."
"Can't you do it now?" Selina asked again, crossing her arms over her chest.
"As I said, things here at the League have been chaotic lately, and I have been putting off this decision for too long. I'll come to you on Monday night. I won't be alone."
Without even giving him time to say anything else, Talia interrupted the call, leaving varying degrees of irritation in the two of them.
Selina grimaced, "Monday night at the Gotham Pier? Oh, no problem. We will be there."
"Selina, you don't have to..."
"Someone has to stop you from being an idiot and let her get away," Selina said with a frown, "If she thinks she can leave later without meeting Tim, she's very wrong."
And Selina was a woman of her word. She would not have allowed Talia to get away with anything.
Too bad that her good intentions were thrown out of the window when they arrived at the port of Gotham on monday night and yes, Talia was not alone. There was a newborn with her.
"He is the reason for the chaos at the League. His name is Damian, and he was created by my father with my DNA and yours. His birth didn't please those who believed I would marry one of them to become the next Demon Head, and my father can't protect us as much as he would like."
Holy shit... now who will tell Tim that he had a little brother?
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