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Suho and Sieun were finally alone.
Baku, Gotak and Juntae had left not too long ago, after conversing with Suho. There wasn’t much for them to talk about. After all, to them he was only known as ‘Sieun’s friend—the one in a coma, the one he dreams about, the one whose name is whispered like a prayer in the air.’
Suho was a bit slow in speech, too. He had woken up from his coma, after a little more than two years, and wasn’t used to all the changes. His mind was still stuck in the dark boxing arena, with nothing but Sieun’s safety on his mind.
That’s not to say he wasn’t happy, though. He was happy for Sieun, happy that he was able to make friends.
However, he couldn’t help this persistent feeling that was slowly digging a hole in his chest. Did Sieun move on from him quickly? Of course, that is what he would want Sieun to do. The last thing he would want is for Sieun to waste away in the hospital by his side, but still. He was… jealous.
He wasn’t about to make this known.
Instead, he focused on Sieun, who sat across from him at the table. After his friends had left, Sieun offered to push Suho to a more secluded area, away from the public path in the grass. Suho was in no position to refuse, as much as he wanted to. He didn’t want to feel this way, feel helpless, like he wasn’t strong enough to push himself.
But that was the truth: he wasn’t strong enough. Not anymore.
Suho gave a faint nod, and Sieun grasped the handlebars of his wheelchair and brought the two over to a small, circular table under a magnolia tree.
They had now been sitting in silence for five minutes. Suho looked up at the flowers while Sieun stared at his clasped hands placed neatly in his lap. There was an awkward air surrounding them, one that had been built up over the past two years. There had been many things left unsaid between them, starting from the words they couldn't share when Suho had stood in the doorway of Sieun's apartment and Sieun had hid his broken arm behind himself. Where would they even start?
Sieun took the first step.
“How are you?” Sieun asked, eyes glued to his lap.
“Good.”
“I ran over as soon as I got the call. Juntae and Got—my friends—must’ve been worried so they chased after me. Sorry if we startled you.”
“You didn’t startle me. Well, I was a bit surprised, but I was too focused on—” you “—your hair, your face, you look different.”
Sieun let out a small laugh, “You too. Your hair is very long. Have you always wanted to grow a mullet?”
“Ha ha, very funny,” Suho smiled. Sieun was looking up at him now. “Your uniform, too. It’s different. Did you move?”
The small smile on Sieun’s face fell. “Yeah, I did. After your accident and after the incident, when I—” he took a deep breath “—I did something. Something bad. But I don’t regret it. I never will.” He frowned and stared straight into Suho’s eyes, Sieun’s own eyes burning with resolution. But his hands were shaking.
Suho placed his own hand over Sieun’s. “We can talk about it later. We have all the time in the world now.”
A smile found itself creeping back onto Sieun’s face. He nodded.
“I completely forgot,” Sieun’s eyes widened. “Your grandma, does she know?”
“Halmeoni stopped by already. She was the first person to be called after I woke up, and then she told the nurses to call you. She said you should’ve been called first. After all, you were ‘basically my caretaker with how much time you spent by my side.’ Her words, not mine.”
Sieun flushed, redness creeping up his neck. He needed to change the topic before his blush became too obvious.
“Is that my jacket?” Sieun pointed to the grey jacket Suho wore.
“Oh, this thing? Yeah, it was the first thing I could find in my room. I saw it lying at the foot of my bed, and I thought Halmeoni might’ve left it for me, but then I wore it and it was way too small for me. I hope you don’t mind, it looked a bit chilly out here.”
Of course Sieun didn’t mind. In fact, this was maybe his biggest wish come true. Suho awake and well, wrapped in Sieun’s jacket. It let Suho know that Sieun was there, that he was always by his side, even when he didn’t know it.
“It’s gonna get chillier,” Sieun said. “Let’s head back inside. Do you want me to roll you?”
“Do I have a choice?” Suho said it with a smile but he and Sieun both knew how much it hurt him.
Sieun didn’t probe further. He walked around to Suho’s wheelchair and began pushing him inside.
In the long run, it might have been less embarrassing if he had asked Suho for directions to his room. That way, he would look less like a sappy loser who knew the directions to the room like the back of his hand from all the visits he had made here. But there was no point in keeping up a prideful facade in front of Suho, who could read him like a book. Even when Suho raised his eyebrows when a nurse had greeted Sieun by name and with a knowing smile, Sieun had to wear a smile, even if he was wincing inside.
“How long will you have to stay here for?” Sieun asked as they entered Suho’s familiar hospital room.
“Not too long now, they just have to run a few more tests to see if there are any complications. Besides that, they’ll help me get started with rehab, and then it’s up to me to come weekly or something like that.”
Sieun nodded. He rolled Suho to the side of his bed and Suho grasped the arms of his chair and attempted to push himself up. This should have been an easy enough task, but his arms shook uncontrollably. He dropped himself back down. “Could you…” he started. “Could you help me?”
Sieun didn’t reply. Instead, he silently grasped Suho’s bicep with one arm and his forearm with another. He pulled Suho up slowly, gently placing him on the bed. Suho began lifting his legs but Sieun grabbed them before Suho could show any signs of trouble and pulled them onto the bed.
“I’m sorry.”
It was quiet. Quiet enough that Sieun would’ve missed it had he not been focused solely on Suho. Their eyes met. “You will never have to apologize to me.”
Suho’s apology was quiet but blaringly loud with everything it could mean. I’m sorry for being weak. I’m sorry for what you had to go through. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you. I’m sorry you have to take care of me.
Sieun covered Suho’s hand with his own, all the while looking at Suho.
Suho was looking at Sieun’s hand. Slowly and tentatively, he interlocked their fingers. Sieun gave him a slight squeeze.
Suho tugged Sieun’s arm gently. It was all the encouragement Sieun needed.
He climbed onto Suho’s bed as the latter shifted to one side to make room for him. They laid their heads down onto Suho’s one pillow. With their hands interlocked between them, Suho turned to look at Sieun first.
“I read your messages.”
Sieun was blushing again. This was becoming too intimate for him to bear.
Suho continued, “I’m glad that I was still able to comfort you when I wasn’t there.” Quickly, he changed the topic, not wanting to scare away the flustered Sieun. “Your friends, how did you all meet?”
Sieun looked up at him with his downward smile solely meant for Suho’s eyes. “It’s a long story. I don’t know if you’d really enjoy hearing it all.”
“I’d enjoy everything that you tell me, except—” Suho cut himself off.
Sieun looked at him quizically. “Except what?”
“Well, I don’t really know if I’d like to hear much about that Baku guy.” He had a pout on his face.
Sieun laughed, “Are you jealous? You’re totally jealous, oh this is hilarious!” Sieun’s laughter was Suho’s kryptonite.
“I think you’d like him. It might take some time, but I’m sure you’ll become fast friends. Maybe even closer than me and him.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say.”
“Speaking of, have you thought about school? You’ll have to return right?”
Suho nodded. “My Halmeoni’s only dream for me, at least right now, is to see me graduate. I was thinking of coming back as soon as I get started with rehab.” He paused. Sieun looked at him curiously. “I don’t really think I can go back. As in, back to that school.”
Sieun understood. “You could come to my school. It’s not much better in terms of actual education and materials, but you’ll have me there. And Gotak, Juntae and Baku too. Having a support system might be better for you.” Suho smiled in agreement. “I think that would be better for me too.”
The sun was beginning to set now, a wave of orange light covering both of them. Sieun’s hair looked soft and was glowing a radiant brown. Suho was mesmerized. He didn’t notice it before, but Sieun looked better.
“You look beautiful.” His eyes widened as the words left his mouth. “No, I meant good, you look good!” He face-palmed mentally and physically.
Sieun gave him a soft smile. “You too.” He reached out to touch the tips of Suho’s bangs. “You should keep your hair like this, it suits you.”
“If that’s what you like.”
A few minutes of silence went by before Suho broke it again.
“I couldn’t tell you how happy I was to see you,” he whispered into Sieun’s hair. His emotions were running fast, and he couldn’t rein them back any longer. With both of them lying in his hospital bed together, in such a foreign yet familiar manner, he knew he wouldn’t get a chance like this again. “I didn’t even realize I was whispering your name before I could even open my eyes. I thought you had left me, moved on. A part of me wished you would, that you’d forget about me and live your life. That I had done enough to ward off everyone who was hurting you.” He gently grasped Sieun’s face with one hand. “But then I saw you. Not outside, but here. In my room. I saw you everywhere. I saw your jacket at the foot of my bed. I saw your pen and a can of red bull on my nightstand.” His thumb was making circles on Sieun’s cheek. “You had been by my side. I didn’t know for how long, but long enough for it to matter. To show me that I mattered to you.”
Sieun’s eyes were glossing over at this, this confession. “This whole time I thought I would never see you again.” A single tear slipped down Suho’s face at the pain in Sieun's voice. “I missed you. Even with all the messages I sent you, it would never be enough to tell you how I really felt.” Sieun let out a broken sob, and Suho felt his heart shatter. “All I could do was sit by your side and pray you woke up.”
Suho wrapped his arm around Sieun, holding the boy tightly, pulling him in so close that their bodies were flush, and Sieun’s head could fit into the crook of his neck. Suho felt Sieun’s wet tears rolling down his back, and Suho couldn’t help his own tears rolling down his face.
This was the hug that they had wanted to give each other the moment they had locked eyes on that field. Suho had wanted to open his arms and Sieun had wanted to jump into them, to grasp Suho so tight, inhale him completely. But they were doing it now, away from prying eyes, with vulnerability they could only show the other.
“I’m here now,” Suho said. "I’m sorry I’m late, but I’m here now.”
He ran his hand through Sieun’s soft hair. “I’m never leaving your side again. You can tell me everything, everything you’ve been bottling up inside you, everything you couldn’t say through your messages.”
He gently kissed the top of Sieun’s head, who pulled back to look at him with his beautiful, beautiful eyes. Suho thought that not even all the stars of the universe would be a match against the light in Sieun's eyes. Through wet tears and a downward smile, Sieun nodded. “Mhm.”
With the last of the sun leaving the room, they closed their eyes, holding each other tight.
They would never let each other go.