Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was rare that on one of their few trips to Brokeback Mountain the weather would be like this.

Cold. Cloudy. Windy.

Ennis didn’t like the cold so much but Jack had been so desperate to see him again that the man couldn’t say no. Plus, it was good timing considering he was transferring from one job to another. He had some time to spare.

It had barely been a day since making their way to Brokeback when Ennis noticed the weather getting worse. He stood next to Jack who was trying his damnedest to start a fire for the two.

”Ah, I don’t know, Jack.” He had his hands on his belt as he looked up at the sky with those narrow brown eyes—squinting.

”Don’t worry, I almost got it!” Jack continued to struggle with lighting a fire. The blond looked down at the other man and shook his head, kneeling down beside Jack.

He wondered how the brunette could get along without wearing a coat in weather like this. Jack was cold but he planned on getting a fire going. He didn’t want Ennis to think he was cold. He knew he’d take it as an opportunity to suggest leaving.

Ennis reached for a log completely disregarding Jack’s attempts, ”The woods too damp, you know that. We ain’t gettin’ no fire.” He stood back up in thought, “Maybe it’s best if we start packin’ up.” He made sure to face away from Jack, not wanting to see his face contort the way he knew it would at the suggestion.

After a long moment he could hear Jack stand up behind him, “But we just got everything settled.”

”A pretty bad storm is comin’. What if the tent don’t hold up? It ain’t gon’ be pretty.” He tried, but the shorter man refused to listen. Jack made his way in front of him, looking right into his eyes.

”I only get so much time with you, Ennis. Let’s just push through it, okay?” The blond shook his head,

”We need to pack up.” He went to turn around but Jack grabbed him by the arm.

”No—! You ain’t listening to me, En.”

”We can meet up some other time. August maybe?” He watched as Jack’s eyebrows furrow, mirroring the roaring thunder above them.

”No can do, friend.” He was being stubborn.

”Then I guess we won’t see each other until—“

”Until when? Two years, three years from now?!” Jack yelled, causing the blond’s own anger to rise. “Just stay with me! One day is all I’m askin’!” He pleaded. Ennis clenched his jaw, his nose scrunching a twitch in anger.

”We don’t get to choose, Jack. This is just how it’s gotta be!” He pulled his arm from Jack’s grasp. The blond then made his way towards his things—Jack following close behind.

”But see, that’s where I disagree, friend.” The brunette watched as Ennis picked up a few of his belongings, “We do get to choose. We get to choose a plenty, but you don’t want ta!” Ennis turned to face him, showing a threatening glare.

He knew what that face meant. Ennis Del Mar was demanding for him to shut his mouth. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t.

”You are a damned coward, Ennis. A fool, livin’ your life the way that you do!” Jack pointed at the taller man’s chest, glaring right back.

The blond breathed in one angry long breath, turning his head away from the other man. His blood boiled, “What and you’re not?!” He swatted his hands turning to face Jack once again, “You’re the damn fool and you know it! Holdin’ onto me like this could ever be!” He yelled in Jack’s face.

”But it could be! Just let it be. Please..”, Jack took his hand placing a palm on Ennis face. The brunette was warm and it was tempting for Ennis to just melt into him but he couldn’t, “Please, Ennis.” The taller man’s anger was only rising. At the thought. At the notion of what could be if he’d just let it. At the fear that consumed him. “I love you.” At the overwhelming passion that Jack exuded.

He allowed for a wave of anger to take over, “I ain’t a damn queer!” He swatted the man’s hand, pushing him away, but Jack only tried getting closer.

“Ennis—“, He reached for the blonde with both hands, to caress his face? For a hug maybe? Ennis wouldn’t know.

He wouldn’t know because he punched the man before he could do either. And once Jack fell to the ground he didn’t stop there. He got on top of him and punched the man again and again, the brunette trying to shield his head.

Ennis’s grunts echoed in Jack’s head as he got pummeled. Was this all they were ever gonna be? It all felt so hopeless, and Jack hated that feeling. He despised it.

He didn’t try and fight back and once Ennis noticed that fact he backed off—eyes still on Jack, breathing heavy and uncontrolled.

The brunette laid on his back, hands dropping to his sides. Blood gushed from his nose, his mouth. His eyes burned. Ennis couldn’t look at the pitiful sight anymore, “Fuckin’ Twist…”, he mumbled before pulling at his face, his hand dropping at his side. He then walked away to cool his head.

Jack on the other hand could barley make out the dark clouds above him, and if he wasn’t cold before he sure as hell was now.

He laid there on the ground dwelling on what had led him here. ‘I am the damned fool.’ He thought, a half-a-smile creeping onto his lips.

He was the fool because he knew that if he had the chance to do it all over again, he would still fall for Ennis Del Mar. He wouldn’t avoid him the way Jack assumed Ennis would avoid him if given a do-over. No, Jack Twist couldn’t give that man up. He wouldn’t ever give Ennis up.

He laughed to himself as he watched the world above him spin. ‘He fucked me up good.’ He thought, feeling the warm blood drip from his nose, down the side of his face. He would’ve wiped it away—the sensation a bit ticklish—but he couldn’t lift his arms at the moment. Too tired.

Then he watched as rain started to fall from the sky. But he was wrong wasn’t he? Rain didn’t fall from the sky like this. It was too slow, and when it hit his skin he could feel it melt into him.

It was snowing.

Jack felt his eyelids drooping over and he didn’t stop them. He couldn’t.

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Ennis followed the stream, trying to calm his head. “Jack fuckin’ Twist…”, he muttered as he continued to walk down the stream. Then he squatted down looking into the water.

He watched as the fish swam, probably freer than he’d ever be. He noticed his reflection, and oh how he grimaced at the sight. Then a snowflake fell onto the water, creating this small ripple, his reflection gone.

Just as Ennis had said. A storm was coming. A snow storm. He ignored the strong breeze that whipped past him, shaking it off as he stood up. 

What Jack wanted was what he himself yearned for too, of course, but it was something that the two could never have. Why couldn’t Jack understand that?

Ennis’s throat felt rather dry. ‘Coward.’ He pursed his lips with a strained grunt. He was a coward, wasn’t he? Afraid of being found out. Afraid of what could happen to them. But was all of this hiding worth it?

Seeing Jack plead to stay like that was an eyesore to the quieter man. It was damn near impossible to ignore Jack when he got like that. He should’ve just said no to this visit from the start.

Ennis shivered, hugging himself. The snow wasn’t stopping. It was actually getting heavier and the wind was only picking up, and only when it became too much to bear did Ennis start to head back to their tent.

As he walked back he figured Jack would be upset with him. He had every right to be mad at him, of course. Ennis knew Jack wouldn’t hold it against him for too long. Still, he had to make it up to him in some way.

Maybe he could try his best to make their next visit as soon as possible? Or maybe they actually could stay for another day? Ennis scoffed imagining how the other man’s face would light up at the suggestion.

Then, Ennis stopped right in his tracks. There on the ground not too far from the tent was Jack lying on the ground, right where he’d left him covered in a thin layer of snow. Ennis felt his heart sink.

He quickly ran over to his side, wiping the snow from the unconscious man’s face, “Jack? Jack, can you hear me?”, His eyes were narrowed, worry enveloping them as he caressed the brunette’s face. He stopped moving a moment at the realization that, Jack was ice cold.

Ennis felt the panic-induced adrenaline really start to kick in. He took his coat off in a frenzy and slipped it onto the smaller man. And not even a second later he was taking Jack into his arms, “It’s okay, I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” His deep voice echoed a similar type of comfort Jack would often do him.

He carried the brunette into the tent laying him down, covering him with a blanket. The blond then noticed the dried blood on his face. He took a piece of cloth and a bit of water and wiped it away. In return, Jack made this pained expression that sent a dagger to Ennis’s heart. Anything wet probably wasn’t the best idea at the moment.

Jack let out a small whine as he started to shake from the cold and Ennis loathed himself all the more. His body reacting to the cold was a good sign at least. ‘It means it isn’t too late.’ He instantly shook his head at the thought. Why was he thinking like that? Jack dying? He couldn’t even fathom it.

And to the loud sound of the harsh winds outside their tent picking up, brown lashes fluttered open—barely. “Hell, Jack… what were you tryin’ ta do, stayin’ in the snow like that? Tryin’ to prove a point? You stubborn ass..”, Ennis blamed. 

“‘m cold.” His voice was small and the pit in Ennis’s stomach only grew. The blond laid down next to him wrapping his arms around him, “I’ve got you.” He held Jack close rubbing circles into his back, hoping the friction would help warm him up. The cold radiating off of the smaller man’s body was alarming.

The blond felt as though his throat had been closing up. He didn’t know if it was because of the guilt or the cold, ”I’m sorry.” He managed, his voice cracking. He just couldn’t help himself anymore and his emotion spilled out from his heart, as he broke into a sob. He clung onto Jack for dear life, “‘m real fuckin’ sorry, Jack.”

The brunette continued to shake in his arms, not saying a word. “W-what am I supposed t-ta do? Should I t-take you to a hospital? It’s a fuckin’ blizzard out the-there… and you needn’t get any c-colder..”, Ennis spoke, his deep voice not matching up with how vulnerable he sounded at the moment.

”It’s o-okay, E-En. I’ll be f-fine.” Jack struggled to speak without his jaw shaking from the merciless cold. Ennis only held him tighter.

”I’m so sorry.”

”I’m s-sorry, too.” And Ennis can’t help the way his blood boils inside.

”Don’t apologize.” His voice had gone suddenly stern. Jack tried getting even closer to Ennis, desperate for his body heat.

Ennis himself wasn’t cold before, but now? He was freezing. It must’ve been the adrenaline that kept him from feeling it.

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The storm outside their tent seemed to die down, as did Ennis’s rage within. His self-loathing calmed as he tried his best to focus on Jack’s state. “You alright, darlin’?” Ennis asked in a soft low voice.

His body shielded Jack from the entrance of the tent. No wind would be getting to him thanks to Ennis. Baby blues met chocolate eyes, “‘m fine, En.” His voice was quiet, but wasn’t as shaky as before. Ennis felt a wave of relief pass through him.

He looked down at the man below him, caressing his face carefully, basking in Jack’s beauty. He’d been awfully gentle with him hadn’t he?

Ennis didn’t do this much so Jack made sure to shut his mouth when he did. No teasing or nothing. Just taking in the moment. Ennis felt the brunette lean his face against his hand with a quiet sigh. 

The blond smiled a sad smile, those narrow eyes full of sorrow. Jack peered up at the other man, the sight of his expression pitiful. “Don’t look so down. The storm’s almost done with.” Jack’s eyebrows furrowed, “‘n ya won’t have ta deal with me no more. Not fer a long while.”

Ennis’s eyebrows knitted together at those words, “‘s not like I want ta get rid of ya, Jack. Ya know how it is.” He ran his fingers through short brown hair.

”I know.” His voice was quiet. Sad. He hated seeing Jack like this. In recent visits the usually loud and joyful man was oddly quiet. More brooding.

This wasn’t the life Jack had hoped for with Ennis, and Ennis knew that. From the very start the blond man knew how it had to be but Jack just kept on hoping.

”I’m awfully sorry, Jack.” Blue eyes wandered for a moment and the smaller man went to speak finally,

”I know.” Was all he said. Ennis breathed out a long sigh as he took his hand from the other man.

”We could… uh…”, he cleared his throat, “we could stay another day if you’d like.” Ennis suggested, his guilt taking control. “With the storm’s passin’ and all…”, he tried, awkwardly gesturing. His eyes darted from Jack to around the tent and then back to Jack who couldn’t help but smile a small smile at the man next to him.

”I would like that.” His smile was quick to fade. It felt as though Ennis could never do him right. Not really.

”C’mere.” Ennis moved from his side onto his back, arms open. A rare gesture for him to do. Jack figured he must’ve felt pretty bad for him to be this sweet on him.

Jack didn’t tease nor did he say much of anything. He only let out a small, ‘mmh’ into the hug as he wrapped his arms around the bigger man, laying his head down onto his chest. Then Ennis slowly wrapped his arms around Jack, holding him like some fragile thing.

The brunette listened to the sound of Ennis’s heart beat as he closed his eyes dreaming of what could be. Their own lot—farm. Just the two of them, everyday like this. Ennis unafraid to hold him, to kiss him, to love him. Ennis unafraid to accept his love.

’I love you.’ He’d say, and he wouldn’t get no, ‘I ain’t a queer’, no. Ennis would say, ‘I love you too, darlin’’, and life would be good.

Life would be good.