Work Text:
Raph's days around the lair after coming home
Home isn't the right word. Raph doesn't know this place.
Raph's days after returning
Raph's days after coming to Earth are simple. Wake up. Stare at his
Stare at the ceiling. Pretend he doesn't hear the heavy breathing from the corner Donnie says it's the faulty air conditioner
Stare at the ceiling until somebody drags him out of bed. Brush his teeth- pretend he can't see the misty figure behind him in the mirror. He steps back to see if he'll bump into it. He doesn't hit anything. It doesn't move.
Raph has brain damage.
He knows this. It was the first thing the Kraang had checked when he'd woken was reborn woke up? woken up.
Feels his legs shake as he walks down the hall. Thinks he might trip. Pretend he remembers what his favorite food is when Mikey asks him if that's what he wants for lunch. Raph has already missed breakfast. He doesn't even realize he's hungry until Leo wanders into the kitchen and offers Raph some of the pears he's going to cut up for himself.
He's not a fan of pears, he learns. He tells Leo he likes them anyway, because- he guesses- that he used to like them. Before he broke. He pretends he can't see the creeping hand over Leo's shoulder and can't smell the rot.
Raph has brain damage.
Feel light and unbalanced as he sits on the couch. Try and think through the fog. Fail, mostly. It's a bad day for him, it appears. Most days he can form coherent thoughts, function as almost normal- if you ignore the memory loss, pretend he's comfortable in the place he grew up in. Supposedly.
He’ll lose track of time, and one of his siblings will pick up that he’s having a bad day and gently lead him away from the couch to eat lunch. Raph will almost throw up, even though he shouldn’t feel nauseous, but he won't, and the bile will sit in his throat until he gathers the energy to get a glass of water to wash it down with.
He will walk himself back to the living room- not his bedroom, because his siblings don't like leaving him alone during the day- and sit back down on the couch, watching whatever was playing on TV. Draxum will join him, somedays, and sit next to him and wait until Raph says something- but today he doesn't, so he starts the conversation instead.
He asks Raph how he’s doing, and Raph says he's okay. Draxum chuckles and says there's no reason to lie. Raph doesn't say anything. Draxum says, gently, that it's okay and he doesn't need to say anything. Raph can't tell him that he didn't respond because his tongue sits, dumb, in his mouth, and Raph's brain can't connect the words he means to say to his mouth.
Raph has brain damage.
His headache is getting worse and his ears are ringing. Draxum lays a hand on Raph's shoulder gently, leans back against the couch, watches the TV. Raph's vision is kind of blurry. He can't tell what's playing. The aftertaste of lunch, some kind of soup, because Raph has had trouble keeping down solid food, turns sour in his mouth, and he frowns, slightly.
Draxum asks him a question Raph doesn't hear, and Raph has brain damage and fuck, Raph is kind of having trouble breathing, but everything is fine- the ringing gets louder and his head throbs like one huge bruise, but it's fine. He can feel all the blood rush to his head.
Why is he laying in bed?
Raph has brain damage. Somebody replies, “...Yeah, you do, Raph, you remember that?”, and he didn't realize somebody was hovering over him, and he also doesn't realize he said that out loud. They keep talking, and he distantly realizes he should be listening. “-mean you're broken. Do you remember wh-” Their voice cuts out, even though Raph can see their mouth moving. It sounds familiar. “-alked about that?”
He guesses his lack of a response prompts whoever this is- Raph swears he knows, he swears, he promises- and, oh, it's Donnie. Donnie. Raph loves Donnie, he's pretty sure. Donnie is his sister, and she helps him take painkillers- Raph isn't allowed near the pill cabinet anymore, after he overdosed- just a little- on accident because he kept forgetting he already took some- and knows the signs of his bad days faster than everyone else.
What was happening? Oh. His lack of response prompts Donnie to rub a gentle hand across Raph's forehead- oh, her hand is cold, that's really nice- and ask him, slower, if he can hear her. Raph nods, his tongue feeling dumb again, and Donnie continues.
“We talked about this last time, you remember, right? Just because you have brain damage doesn't mean you're broken, yeah?” It kind of takes a second for Raph to process what she's saying, but he nods again- he does remember that, a little. He's sure he'd remember better on a good day. Right now, his brain feels kind of foggy. He struggles for a second to sit up, and he's glad Donnie doesn't offer help. She doesn't treat him like glass anymore, not like she had when he'd woken up from his coma.
His head pounds, and he can make out a figure behind Donnie, but he doesn't point it out because he's not sure if it's real or not. It's dark. Is his lamp off? It must be off.
“Do you know what just happened?” Donnie asks, reaching for something on Raph's nightstand, and Raph might've flinched if he had the energy. She presses something cold into his hand- glass of water. Fuck yes.
Raph shakes his head and takes a sip of water. His mouth was so dry, he's only noticing now.
“You had a seizure. Not a big one like last time, don't worry,” Donnie replies, making eye contact with Raph, though it isn't too assuring. Raph is pretty sure she's just trying to tell if Raph is present enough to listen. “Draxum was there. He made sure you were laying down before it really started.”
“Oh,” Raph mutters after a false start. Suddenly, he feels angry- why couldn't he recognize the signs of his own problem? Ugh. Stupid, stupid- He hates being like this. He guesses he should be used to it- it's all he can remember, but it doesn't make it any less miserable.
“It's okay. You're not hurt. Draxum isn't either, if you're worried about that, too,” Donnie replies, waiting for Raph to finish the glass of water before taking it in one hand and using her other to grab Raph's. “It's about time for dinner. Do you want the leftover soup in the fridge? Or Mikey's making mashed potatoes to go with dinner tonight. The main course is more of those chicken sandwiches we had a couple days ago, but if you feel sick you don't have to eat it.”
Raph stands up, leaning some of his weight on Donnie, and doesn't reply for a minute as they walk out of Raph's room. His legs are shaky, again, and they kind of hurt. “Mashed potatoes… are fine.” He says, glad to feel a little more control in his legs as they walk a little more. He realizes that Donnie had just said it's almost dinner- the whole day had felt like 30 minutes.
Donnie hums in agreement and squeezes Raph's hand a little bit before letting go as they walk into the kitchen. Raph sits down in the closest chair. He doesn't remember which is supposed to be his.
He's sitting in the kitchen. He can hear the mixer running. What's he doing here? How long has he been sitting here?
“Dinner's gonna be ready in, like, ten,” Mikey says over his shoulder, and Raph puts together that he must be in here for dinner. He hums, like he knows what's going on, and he can see Mikey and Donnie talking quietly. Raph can't hear over the sound of the mixer.
The last time he saw his family talking together quietly, away from him, they didn't know he was eavesdropping. Donnie was telling them that Raph's life expectancy will drop even more- even more?- if his recovery doesn't speed up.
Raph's a lot better than he was when he'd first woken up. He's been a stuttering, tripping mess. He could barely eat or drink without vomiting. Could barely even think. He's doing better now. But, if he doesn't get better, it's a sign that his current state of living will stay that way until, well, he kicks the bucket. He was already predicted to have a shorter life just due to the injury and his coma. Such long-term effects didn't help.
Raph doesn't like thinking about that. He shakes his head, hoping Donnie and Raph don't notice. They don't.
Raph zones out until his family
Raph zones out until Leo and Draxum are suddenly sitting at the table too, and Raph realizes he's sitting in Leo's seat, and he kind of feels bad but he's kind of scared he'll vomit if he stands up. Draxum's sitting to his right, Leo's across from him, and Donnie is slipping into the seat to Raph's left. Splinter isn't present. He doesn't eat with them. Maybe he used to. Raph doesn't know.
Mikey slides everyone a plate with a chicken sandwich looking remarkably similar to those Raph saw in high school cafeterias in the sitcoms April puts on when she comes over. Well, everyone but Raph. He slides Raph a bowl with mashed potatoes and gravy, along with a spoon. He puts the larger bowl of potatoes in the center of the table, a large spoon peaking out from it.
Mikey sits down next to Leo as everyone starts eating. Mikey looks a little tired. Raph wants to say something about it, but he can’t formulate a coherent sentence, so he eats, and tries to ignore the heavy, inhuman breathing down his neck from something he's pretty sure isn't real.
He does a good job at acting normal, he thinks as Mikey returns from- when did Mikey get up?- the kitchen, sliding Raph a nutrition drink. Raph hums, but it sounds broken. The breathing is still here. It's getting annoying. He tries to breath through his nose slowly. He needs to act normal. He's already had a seizure today- he doesn't need to bring attention to something he's pretty sure isn't real.
Raph has brain damage.
It's like he blinks and dinner is cleaned up. He feels full, like he had finished everything, but he doesn't remember that at all. The rest of his family is gone.
Except… Oh, no, Raph was forgetting his name. Fuck. Raph is an awful brother. The blue one. He's leaning against the counter, chewing his fingernails, pretending he isn't looking at Raph.
Leaning… Raph kind of likes that word. It's easy, rolls off the tongue. It's one of those words that just sounds like what it means. Like knock, and loose. Leaning and loose. Raph kind of like L's. L… Leo. It's Leo. That's his name. Raph is an awful, awful brother for forgetting that. Awful.
It takes a false start for his mouth to work properly. He needs to ask Leo for water, and what time it was. Who knows how long Raph has been sitting here. Raph sure doesn't. “Leo,” Raph says, unsure, and suddenly he forgets what he was going to say.
Leo perks up immediately, looking over at Raph. “Yeah, Raph? Do you need something?”
Raph stares for a second, and Leo's expression kind of softens and hardens at the same time. His eyes get a gentle look to them and his jaw relaxes, like he's ready to reply to whatever Raph says, but his brow furrows and he looks worried.
“Uhm…” Raph sputters, getting up from the table with shaky legs. “I don't… I don't know. Fuck.”
Leo walks closer, not too close but enough that Raph can hold onto him if he needs to. “It's about 9:30 right now, and we finished dinner just 10 minutes ago.” He says, and Raph suddenly remembers what he needed to ask.
“Can I have some water?” He mutters, grabbing the counter instead of Leo.
“Yeah, ‘f course,” Leo replies, turning to the cupboard and grabbing a glass and filling it with water from the Brita in the fridge. “Are you feeling okay?” He asks, as he presses the glass into Raph's hand.
“I don't… feel awful,” Raph says slowly. “I don't feel any better than I did… uhm…” Was it the same day? He's pretty sure it was. “This morning.”
“That's okay,” Leo says, though the sad smile on his face says otherwise. Raph wishes that he could forget things like this, knowing his family the people around him are upset, instead of forgetting important things. “Are you tired? You look like it.” Leo chuckles dryly as Raph downs the water like he hasn't drank in hours. But he's sure he has. He doesn't remember it. But they make sure he eats enough every day and drinks enough.
Raph nods, words suddenly lost in his throat as he puts the glass in the sink.
He turns back around and reaches for where he'd swears he'd just put the glass. He frowns as he looks to his feet- had he knocked it over? No. There wasn't glass on the floor. Maybe Raph got lost again and he had and Leo had just already cleaned it up.
“Glass is in the sink,” Leo says, tapping Raph's shoulder. Raph can hear something whispering something unintelligible in his ear. He tries to ignore it.
“Oh,” Raph mutters, looking in the sink. The glass is there. Stupid. “Uhm, can… I sleep in your room tonight?” He asks quietly.
“Yeah. Anytime.” Leo smiles, standing straight, away from the counter.
“My room keeps breathing.” Raph says as he follows Leo out of the kitchen, like it's normal, because it is.
“Oh, yeah?” Leo replies. Raph can hear the dry disbelief in his voice that he tries to make sound genuine. “Did you talk to Donnie about that?”
“Yes. She says it's my… my air conditioner,” Raph says, but he shakes his head. “But it's breathing.” He decides he's too tired and his brain feels too much like sludge to decipher if he's describing one of his auditory hallucinations or not.
“Well, if it's bothering you, we can find a way to fix it,” Leo opens the door to his room and lets Raph in before him. “But for now if it's bothering you, you can sleep in here. Or Mikey's, or Donnie's. Whatever you want.”
Raph doesn't reply as Leo sits down next to him on Leo's bed. When did Raph sit down? He doesn't know. Leo's bed is big. Mostly because Leo's big. Bigger than Raph, at least, because Raph's bed isn't this big. But maybe it is and he's remembering it wrong. Leo is tall.
Leo pulls off wrappings and knee and elbow pads and his mask, but keeps on his long socks for some reason. Raph can't find the energy to ask.
Raph doesn't remember laying down, or the lights turning off, but now he's awake, in the dark, lying on Leo's bed while Leo is turned away, snoring quietly. If Raph focuses enough he can feel the way his forearm brushes Leo's shell. Raph doesn't remember Leo being a snorer. It's not obnoxious snoring though. It's soft enough that it doesn't aggravate the pounding in Raph's head but loud enough and coming from Leo, only Leo, that he knows he isn't imagining it.
Leo's room is quiet, other than that. Raph pulls the blanket up tighter and closes his eyes. He hopes tomorrow he functions better, almost like a normal person, and falls asleep easier than he has in a few days.