Chapter Text
Robby felt Jack’s eyes on him as he walked around the apartment, picking up the last few items for his trip.
It was the Sunday after the MCI and one of the worst days in Robby’s life. While he was supposed to have Thursday to Sunday off next week, he had managed to move it around to the beginning of the week instead. He needed more time before he went back to work, the thought of heading back to PTMC made his heart rate spike.
To say that the shift had been rough would be an understatement. Every case had somehow hit harder than it usually did. The Bradleys, little Amber, every single one of the patients from PittFest. Leah. Langdon, Collins, Adamson. It was too much. And Robby felt like he was standing on a ledge. One slight push and he felt like he’d fall right off. He needed some time away.
“Got everything?” Jack asked as he swallowed down the last of the scrambled eggs Robby had made for him.
He asked Robby if he could come by for breakfast after his shift and before Robby had time to reply to the text, Jack stood outside his door, disheveled and tired from a long shift in the ED, demanding to be fed.
“Yep, think so,” Robby dropped the large backpack by the front door. “Offer still stands, you’re welcome to come with me.”
Jack pushed the plate away from himself and leaned back in the chair.
“Nah,” Jack shook his head. “I think some time on your own would do you good. When are you leaving?”
Robby glanced at his watch.
“As soon as rush hour is over,” He shrugged and sat down by the table, opposite Jack.
“Where are you going?”
“What is this, an interrogation?” Robby tilted his head. “What’s up?”
Jack let out a long sigh and put his forearms on the table, leaning forward slightly. He met Robby’s eyes and held his gaze.The look was so intense that Robby felt almost uncomfortable.
“I am going to talk right now and you’re going to listen,” Jack said quietly, intensely. “Do not interrupt me and let me make my point before you start your rebuttal.”
Robby felt his eyebrows creep up towards his hairline. This was about the roof and the break he’d had during the MCI, it had to be.
“Okay,” Robby gestured for Jack to continue.
“You scared me, brother. On the roof. You were in my spot. I said that mostly as a joke, yes, but it scared the fucking shit out of me seeing you standing there. And the things you said… I am worried, Robby. And I do think some time away on your own will do you good, but I want to ask you to keep me in the loop. Let me know where you’re going, check in with me, let me know when you’ll be back.”
Robby listened as Jack spoke and he felt a complex mix of emotions swirling around in his stomach. The way Jack looked at him, the way he spoke, he was genuinely concerned. Usually it was Robby who talked like that and Jack was the one who listened. Just like with the roof, he was in Jack’s spot.
Robby thought back to the first time they’d had a conversation like that. Decades ago, in a shitty apartment in a shitty part of the city, curtains drawn shut. Jack’s curls had been auburn and he had recently lost his leg. He sat opposite Robby, curled in on himself.
“I can’t do this anymore. I wish I had died.”
Jack’s voice had been so weak, so broken. Robby had felt like he was going to be sick. They had only known each other for a few years, but the thought of losing Jack had made him feel like his world was falling apart. Platonic soulmates, his sister called it.
“Don’t say that, brother. Don’t fucking say that. I need you. You go, I go, you hear me?”
You go, I go. It had coursed through their friendship ever since, but it had mostly been Robby saying it. A few years later, Robby whispered it repeatedly as he held Jack while he screamed and raged against the world after burying his wife.
Now it was Jack saying it back, but without actually saying it.
Robby leaned forward, mirroring Jack’s position.
“I hear you,” He said softly, sincerely. “I get it. And if it helps put your mind at ease, I’ll check in.”
“That’s all I ask,” Jack sounded only slightly more relieved, but the worry was still there.
Then the severity of the moment was broken by Jack yawning so widely Robby almost worried his jaw could dislocate. The juxtaposition between the heavy conversation and the comically large yawn made Robby laugh.
“Okay, let’s get you home before you pass out,” He reached across and grabbed the dirty plate as he stood up. “Want me to drop you off?”
“Since you offered,” Jack said and gave Robby one of his signature wry smiles.
Jack had assured Robby that he wouldn’t fall asleep on the short drive, but he was out like a light the moment he was in the passenger seat. Their conversation kept playing on repeat in Robby’s mind as he drove the familiar route. It wasn’t far and he soon pulled up to the curb.
“Hey,” Robby gently touched Jack’s arm. He jerked awake and looked around, momentarily confused. “This is your stop.”
“Ah, shit,” Jack rubbed his eye. “Thanks for the ride.”
“Anytime,” Robby reached into the back seat and grabbed Jack’s bag for him. “I’ll text you when I get to the park, keep you updated.”
“See you Wednesday, brother,” Jack clapped him on the shoulder and took his bag. “Right?”
“You will see me Wednesday,” Robby met Jack’s eyes. “I promise.”
“I’ll hold you to that.”
Jack gave Robby a final long look before he opened the door and got out of the car. He slammed the door behind him and gave Robby a wave. As Robby pulled away, he could see Jack in the rearview mirror as he stayed standing on the curb and looked after him.
Robby made good time and made it to the park before lunch. The parking lot was more or less empty, not surprising on a regular Monday.
As he stepped out of the car, Robby inhaled deeply, filling his lungs with the fresh air. As he exhaled, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and snapped a picture of the entrance to the park. He sent it to Jack and wrote out a quick message to go with it.
Made it in one piece. Going to take the intermediate route, a two day hike. Won’t check my phone while hiking, so I’ll check in when I make camp tonight.
He sent the message, quickly checked if there was anything else that needed his attention and then he shut off his phone, shoving it into his backpack. He didn’t want to risk falling for the temptation to check his phone while out walking. This trip was supposed to be for him to find balance again and he wouldn’t be able to do that if he kept looking at his phone.
Robby hoisted the backpack onto his back and made sure the car was locked before he headed into the park. The weather was lovely and the trail looked to be in excellent condition. He exhaled slowly as he started walking, trying to will the tension to leave his body.
As he hiked, he allowed his thoughts to spiral. He allowed them to run rampant, he indulged every thought he’d tried to suppress the past few days. Jake, PittFest, PTMC, Collins, Adamson, his interns, residents and students, his sister, his grandmother, the parents he barely remembered. Jack. It swept through his brain like a tornado. At some point, tears started running down his cheeks and he stubbornly wiped them away. But he didn’t stop walking, the sound of his shoes against the gravel, the sweat running down his back, the heat of the sun against his neck, it helped in grounding him and stopped him from completely losing it.
Unlike the complete mayhem inside Robby’s mind, the trail was nice and peaceful. The most exciting thing that happened before he made camp for the night was that he was almost knocked down by an overly friendly German shepherd that had gotten off her leash.
By the time the sun was beginning to set, he was exhausted, both mentally and physically. He went on autopilot as he erected his tent and got a small campfire going. As he waited for his dinner to heat up, he pulled out his phone and turned it on.
Dozens of notifications immediately started going off. Texts, emails, news. He grimaced and suppressed the rising anxiety. He’d just text Jack and then he’d turn the fucking thing off again.
He took a picture of the campfire and like he’d done that morning, he sent it along with a short message.
Checking in. Having dinner.
Almost immediately, he got a reply.
u should only sleep in the dirt if u get paid 4 it, enjoy ur backpain
Robby snorted and couldn’t stop himself from replying.
Stop texting like a teenager, you’re almost fifty
make me
“Never change,” Robby mumbled as he checked on his dinner.
While he had intended to only text Jack and then turn his phone off again, he couldn’t stop himself from checking the other notifications. His heart jumped into his throat as he saw a missed call and several missed texts from Janey.
Can you call me? It’s about Jake.
Another text had come in a few minutes later.
That sounded ominous, he’s fine, recovering okay. I just wanted to talk about how things are going to look going forward.
Robby sucked in a breath and squeezed his eyes shut.