Chapter Text
Shiz University Group Chats Presents:
The Paleontology Professor, Part 1 of 3
[In the same chaotic style and spirit of the Shiz University Group Chats AU but stand-alone? Because I have different plans for the plot except I wrote this in one fevered sitting. Anyway. Enjoy.]
Part 1: Shiz University's new visiting paleontology professor looks suspiciously like a certain Winkie Prince.
Pt. 1: The Paleontology Situation (Spiritual, Emotional, Horny)
[ Elphaba 💚 | Glinda 🌟 | Fiyero 🔥 | Boq W. | Avaric 💸 | Pfannee the Pfirst | Shenshen 👠 ]
Pfannee the Pfirst:
Update: the Natural History Dept has acquired a visiting lecturer
He said “coprolite” and I felt things
Shenshen 👠:
He pushed up his glasses and someone whispered “that man could excavate me.”
Wasn’t me.
But spiritually, it could have been.
Glinda 🌟:
No because WHY is he dressed like the brooding academic love interest in a very slow-burn enemies-to-lovers fic
Pfannee the Pfirst:
Or like he’s about to inherit a crumbling estate and seduce the local governess
Boq W.:
Wait.
Is he the one with the rolled-up sleeves and the arm veins??
Asking for academic reasons
Elphaba 💚:
Okay but
Objectively
WHY does he look exactly like
Avaric 💸:
wait
WAIT
Shenshen 👠:
No because if Fiyero wore glasses and had tenure
Glinda 🌟:
oh my Ozians
it’s Academic Fiyero
like… Villain Origin Fiyero
like “burned a university down once but published a paper about it” Fiyero
Pfannee the Pfirst:
he looks like he keeps fossils in his coat pocket and secrets in his past
Boq W.:
I’m gonna pass out.
He just said the phrase “seductive sedimentation” out loud
Fiyero 🔥:
ok FIRST OF ALL no.
second of all.
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
I don’t even LIKE fossils
I’m more of a dance-instead-of-research kind of guy
Glinda 🌟:
interesting that no one accused you and yet here you are
Fiyero 🔥:
I just think it’s wild how easily you’ve all been seduced by some dusty rock nerd with cheekbones
Elphaba 💚:
He also cited his own book in casual conversation and no one stopped him
I almost respect it
Avaric 💸:
he winked at me when he said “bone record”
Shenshen 👠:
anyway we’re all switching majors
Fiyero 🔥:
I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW I HAVE CHEEKBONES TOO