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It was hard to have feelings for someone. Especially when you yourself don’t feel like you should be allowed to feel anything… It didn’t help that the soul was almost at every turn, and making Kris say things that tore at his heartstrings every time. Would it be so bad to live a fantasy even if you know it's not how they felt?
“I can never tell them, even if this lie is one-sided.” Ralsei thought to himself. It was getting increasingly harder as they went along with it.
Kris and Ralsei thankfully had some time alone without “them” watching as they went to castle town after dealing with all of the queen's stuff, and were able to get away without prying eyes. Even then, thankfully, Suzie had run off with Lancer to “dig more holes” as she and him said. Kris didn’t know how to tell Susie about the soul or how they would even react. Kris enjoys Suzie’s company, but to tell your newest friend that “Hey I wasn’t in control of my own body when that happened but I still wanna be friends anyway!” is a lot for one person to comprehend.
“Can you please tell me how you feel about me, Kris?” Ralsei muttered, barely meeting their eyes.
“I don’t like you Ralsei… At Least not like “it” wants me to… Back at the mansion it hurt enough being forced to hug you even though I didn’t want to. But I don’t hate you if that makes sense okay? We’re in something I can barely comprehend, and it's not fair to you to ‘hate’ you without a reason just… I already feel like I don’t know myself when I'm never the one in control! It’s just…. I hate how it acts okay?! Every second it tries to care for you more than anything else! If you get hurt at all, it's all over protecting you and never anyone else! Why does it care so much about you, anyway? We just met not even two days ago, and even when Suzie got injured during the fight with Spamton it didn’t care it just kept healing you!”
Kris paused to realize that they were getting upset over something they themselves would probably never understand. It wasn’t fair to take this out on Ralsei, but knowing that he is the only one that truly understands the power of this “thing” possessing them made it feel like this was the only time their decisions mattered.
Ralsei had to compose himself before speaking. After all, these faint moments were the only time they could actually talk to Kris. The real one, not some made up thing in their place.
“I know it must be terrifying never getting to choose what you do in this world. Like your whole life is set out before you and yet you have no say in it whatsoever… It's how I feel about the prophecy. The things that happen in it terrify me, Kris. All of my life I've known I would be a part of something that affects everyone, both Darkners and Lightners regardless. You would think it would help me come to terms with it, but I still find myself scared. I know so many things, but I am scared to say them because I don’t want to weigh any of you down with this burden. I’ve decided that I will carry it on my own”
Ralsei was supposed to be comforting Kris, but with hearing how empty they feel without their choices mattering he couldn’t help relate in some awful way. As he fell to the floor crying,he could barely hold on to his glasses.
“Well that's just stupid and you’re stupid for thinking that!”
Kris proclaimed as they brought Ralsei into a hug of their choice. Not one forced by something beyond all of their control.
Ralsei, still filled with tears in his eyes, really did miss Kris. The real Kris. The soul could surely say things that made him and everyone else happy but does it really matter if their words are not their own?
“I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to feel things again, but I can’t help it around you. When you are yourself, that's the part I love the most”
Once again Ralsei was pulled into a harder hug. Kris wasn’t good with emotions, but one thing not having control over anything taught them one thing. When it is their choice to do something, they are going to be as blunt as possible with it. So even though they don’t hate Ralsei, you couldn’t even stretch to say they like Ralsei, they weren’t gonna let him cry on his own. Especially to someone who sees Kris as them and not some puppet.
“We just have to play along for whatever it has planned. We still always have some form of control over the prophecy, being possessed, or whatever. If it has feelings for you..just know I don't. It's not my choice to love you.”
It stung to hear that. Even if Ralsei knew it was the truth, it hurts to hear that the real Kris doesn't love them, and probably never will. Ralsei just wanted to enjoy this moment between the two of them. Who knew that knowing the truth of a tragic prophecy and your friend possessed could feel eerily similar.
“Just play along? I can do that but can you? I'm used to not feeling things. Not letting myself feel things but I don’t want the same to happen to you. What if it makes me do something romantically you aren’t okay with”
“Then you do it. You know how this works okay? The soul is coming back now we don’t have much time left okay. You know it's not me doing these things so it's fine.”
Ralsei didn’t want to spare any more words that it could listen to, for now he just was happy he got to talk to the real Kris for a while.