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“Have sex with Harry.”
Ethan chokes on his tea, looking up to Faith standing opposite him on the other side of the counter.
“Sorry,” Ethan says, putting his cup down. “What was that?”
“Have sex with Harry,” Faith says casually, as if it was a normal thing to say.
Ethan blinks. “First, why would I do that? Second, you’re my wife saying this, by the way.”
“Your wife who notices your carnal desire for your best friend,” Faith says. “It’s driving me to the brink of insanity. You want him so bad, it’s embarrassing. I’m giving you all the permission in the world, I’m begging you.”
“Faith,” Ethan laughs. “Surely, you don’t think I’m being serious when I say stuff like that.”
“I believe that you believe that you’re joking.”
“Faith,” Ethan says, looking around the room, because there has to be cameras. “I do not have actual sexual feelings towards Harry.”
“You can keep saying that,” Faith says, stirring her tea. “But, I can’t take it anymore. So until it happens, you can guarantee I won’t shut up about it.” She takes her leave then, throwing Ethan a look before she disappears behind the wall, leaving Ethan alone to think about it.
Ethan stares into his tea cup. Have sex with Harry?
He doesn’t even want to entertain the thought. So, he tries to distract himself. He thinks about doing the dishes. Thinks about mowing the lawn. Thinks about moving to another country. Thinks about texting Harry, then throwing his phone across the counter. He places his head in his hands.
Because he does not want to have sex with Harry.
Except he has wondered, but only in theory. The same way you wonder about skydiving, hypothetically, in passing, never with the intent to actually do it. The jokes were the same, because Harry was attractive. Anyone with eyes could see that, but he’s not serious.
Right?
Right.
But, she still has him thinking. Because why would she say that out of the blue? Why does she think he's serious?
That's how Faith finds him when she comes back down, putting her tea cup in the sink.
"Thinking about him, are you?" Faith asks, causing Ethan to flinch.
"Jesus, Faith," Ethan says. "And, no. I'm not."
There's a beat of silence before Faith replies. "You're awful at lying, you know."
"Faith!" Ethan shouts, and Faith starts laughing, the kind of laugh she usually laughs when she's pleased with herself, disappearing upstairs again.
Ethan thinks it's ridiculous, but now that she's said it, he can't stop thinking about it.
Faith, sticking to her word, did keep bringing it up. The moment Ethan convinced himself that what she said was untrue and didn't matter, she popped up again to put the image back in his head.
But it wasn’t always verbally.
Any time Harry’s name was mentioned around them, she gave Ethan a smirk.
When they planned a game night with him, and Ethan was checking to make sure he was still coming, and Faith, from the opposite end of the couch, raises her eyebrows and mouths, ‘sext him’. Ethan responded with an eyeroll.
It was deranged, Ethan thought.
And yet, It bothered him so much that he had to ask someone else, starting with the other people in his life to see him nearly every day: The Sidemen.
After the most recent MoreSidemen shoot, everyone was gathering their things to leave, and Ethan was staring at Harry. Not to admire him, but waiting for him to leave so he could ask the other boys.
The moment the door closes, Ethan turns to the rest of the boys. "Guys," Ethan says, gathering their attention. "Do any of you think I'm in love with Harry?"
There's a beat of silence before JJ shouts, "Oh, thank God!"
"What?" Ethan questions as the other boys agree with JJ.
"Congratulations, Ethan," Simon says, patting Ethan's shoulder. "You're officially the last one to know."
"What?" Ethan repeats. "No, boys, no. I'm not confessing, I'm just asking because Faith told me to have sex with him."
There's a beat of silence, before JJ starts laughing.
"Wait," Tobi says, seemingly holding back a laugh as well. "Faith told you to have sex with Harry?"
"Practically begged me, actually," Ethan says, sitting down on the couch. "I've been trying to convince myself she's waffling, or wrong somehow, but if you guys apparently see it too..." Ethan trails off, looking down at the floor.
"Anyone with eyes can see you have feelings for him," Vik says. "I'm surprised it took Faith so long, and we've been waiting longer than her."
Sounds of agreement go through the room, as the boys start recounting moments where it was clear as day Ethan felt more than friendship.
But Ethan wasn't listening.
Things start to shift after that.
Because Ethan starts to see it everywhere.
He doesn't know if what he notices is true, or if he's just hyperaware because of Faith getting in his head. And she certainly doesn't help. Especially when she'll randomly text him things like:
Faith
so let's say harry
god forbid
got possessed by a lust demon and kissed you, what would you do?
Ethan
faith what the hell
i don't know
Faith
but now you're thinking about it ;)
you're welcome <3
Ethan
STOP
Another moment was at Ethan's birthday, when he was staring at Harry from across the yard, and Faith walked toward him, stopped at his side and followed his gaze. She chuckled, before saying, "Coward," and walking away, leaving Ethan with his mouth agape.
He notices anytime Harry touches him, how he seems to linger for longer than he needs to before he lets go. How his eyes drift to Harry after he makes a joke. How he and Harry seem to drift toward each other in group settings.
He's now aware of whenever he stares at Harry. Whenever Harry says something, how his eyes will linger on Harry even when he's done talking. How often his eyes trail to his lips.
When Harry takes his shirt off, for whatever reason, and Ethan thinks about putting his lips on his, pushing him against the wall and-
Okay. Yeah. Maybe he does want to have sex with Harry.
But, Faith...
Faith might've been the one to start all this, but he feels guilty. Because, technically, he's not supposed to feel like this over someone else.
They're at the table for dinner, and she makes another comment about it.
"Faith," Ethan interrupts. "How long have you been thinking about this?"
Faith sips her drink. "Since that one weekend trip to the beach. When you and Harry built that sandcastle and ignored me for three whole hours."
Ethan winces. "I didn't mean-,"
"I know, Ethan," Faith says. "I'm not mad."
There's a beat of silence.
"I'm married to you," Ethan says, voice tight. "I love you."
"I know," Faith says. "But this isn't about that. You love him too. In a different way, or maybe the same, it doesn't matter which. But, you need to do something. Kiss him, sleep with him, whatever. Get it out of your system, or find out if it's here to stay."
Faith takes a sip of her drink. "I'm not just giving you a hall pass, Ethan," she adds. "I'm giving you a mirror."
It’s silent as Ethan takes in her words, a new thought forms in this silence.
“He might not even feel the same way,” Ethan says, and Faith brings her drink cup up to her lips. “It won’t even go anywhere, he’s straight.”
Faith’s hand freezes. She makes direct eye contact with Ethan as she slowly sets her cup down. She stares at Ethan for a moment before speaking. “Are you dumb?”
“What?” Ethan asks, confused.
“Harry? Straight?” Faith says. “That is so laughable, I need you to be serious. Just because he hasn’t outright said it, doesn’t mean he’s not queer, and he definitely is.”
“I have had a feeling,” Ethan says softly.
“Please,” Faith says, picking her drink back up. “I knew the second I laid eyes on him.”
It takes a month, but Ethan finally finds himself at a hang-out at Harry’s house with just the two of them.
He’s sat on Harry’s couch, holding a beer he hasn’t taken a sip from in 20 minutes. Harry is rambling on about something in the background, probably about golf or another one of his latest obsessions, but Ethan’s not paying attention, Faith’s words pounding around in his head.
“You’re not listening, are you?” Harry says, breaking Ethan from his trance.
“Huh?” Ethan says. “Oh, no, I am. Sorry.”
The look on Harry’s face tells Ethan he doesn’t believe him, but he moves on anyway. “You’re quiet tonight,” Harry says, nudging Ethan’s knee with his.
“Yeah,” Ethan says. “Just, um, just thinking.”
“What about?” Harry asks. “Share your thoughts, c’mon.”
Ethan is silent while he thinks of the best way to say it. All the time had to think about it, he never came up with a way to tell Harry.
“So, Faith,” Ethan starts. “She approached me one day about something I thought to be ridiculous. A concept that was so far-fetched that I had no idea where she got it from. I was just going to ignore it, but she kept bringing it up. I asked the rest of the boys, and after they affirmed what she said, I started noticing things. Things that very much affirmed what she said, and now I don’t know what to do with it.”
Harry points his eyes across the room, then back to Ethan. “Well?” Harry questions. “What is it?”
Ethan swallows, his throat feeling tight. “She told me to have sex with you.”
The slight smile on Harry’s face falters slightly. “What?”
“Yeah, she’s apparently noticed it for a while. She damn near begged me to do it.” Ethan is silent again, and then he talks. “But, I do want it. I know I joke, but apparently I wasn’t just joking, because I’ve realized how much I do, and it’s eating me up. I understand if you’re uncomfortable, and I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I just needed it out there.”
Harry is silent, and Ethan doesn’t dare himself to look at him.
“Since we’re being honest,” Harry says, causing Ethan to finally look up. “I can’t say I haven’t thought about it.”
“Really?” Ethan says, trying not to sound hopeful.
“Yeah,” Harry says softly. “But, you have Faith. You’re married. But she’s been encouraging it, apparently.”
“Yeah, a lot,” Ethan chuckles. “She told me to kiss you before I left.”
“So…” Harry says. “Are you going to?”
Ethan looks at Harry. “Am I going to what?”
Harry gives Ethan a look. “You know. Kiss me.”
Ethan’s brain freezes. Harry’s just…looking at him. As if this is the most normal conversation they’ve ever had. Ethan didn’t even notice when Harry moved closer to him.
Ethan’s first instinct is to laugh it off, make a joke, change the subject. But instead, he leans in.
The kiss is slow at first, almost hesitant. Harry’s lips are warm and soft, and Ethan feels something click into place, as if this was something he’s been waiting his entire life for. The only other time he remembers feeling like this, was his and Faith’s wedding. Harry’s hand finds his jaw. Everything becomes a blur of so many things that were unspoken finally being said.
When they pull back, they’re both slightly panting. They quietly laugh before talking.
“Is this a bedroom thing?” Harry asks, his voice low, his eyes drifting back to Ethan’s lips.
“Yeah,” Ethan says. “I’d say so.” And Harry’s lips are back on his.
First they stay on the couch. Then they’re off the couch. Then they’re shirtless in the hallway, fumbling as they try to walk while kissing.
By the time they reach Harry’s room, and Ethan has Harry pushed back on the bed, sweaty and overwhelmed, he couldn’t remember what it felt like to not want this.
When they’re done, Ethan flops back down on the bed. Harry curls up next to him.
“You okay?” Harry asks softly.
“Yeah,” Ethan says, his throat feeling tight again. “It’s just…I think this is more than sex. I think I’m in love with you.”
“That’s good,” Harry says, leaning up to kiss Ethan. “I’ve been in love with you for what feels like forever.”
Ethan swallows. “So, what does this mean?”
Harry smiles. “Whatever you want it to.”
When he gets home the next morning, Faith is waiting for him at the kitchen counter. She looks at him expectantly.
“So…?” Faith says.
Ethan takes a breath before answering. “It happened.”
Faith cheers. She jumps up from her chair, running over to Ethan and throwing her arms around him. When she pulls back, she sees the look on his face, and her smile falters. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m in love with him,” Ethan says. “It’s not just a one time thing, Faith.”
Faith smiles, then nods.”You think I didn’t know that already? I mean, I had a feeling. The way you talk about him, the way your face changes when his name comes up. You’re so in love with him, it’s beautiful to see.”
Ethan blinks. “You’re…really okay with this?”
Faith nods. “I’m happy if you’re happy. I’m not throwing away a good marriage because your heart is bigger than you thought it was. I married you because I love you. And loving you means I see you, all of you. And I love it all.”
Ethan’s eyes sting. “You’re kind of incredible.”
“Try extremely,” Faith says, pulling Ethan in for another hug. There’s a beat of silence. “You know,” Faith says. “Harry’s hot.”
“Faith.”
“What?” Faith says. “I’m just saying. Like if this turned into a throuple situation, I wouldn’t be mad.”
Ethan groaned, but he couldn’t help laughing.
He leans into her shoulder. He doesn’t know what everything is going to turn into, or what it’s supposed to look like, but he feels more known now than he ever has. And that is enough.