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The Depths of Your Love

Summary:

Arthur might move away. Merlin might miss him. Also, Merlin can’t swim. That’s all…

Notes:

written by Emery

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The pool was going to be pretty small. Arthur was used to the one at school that was just big enough for a short course. The one at Gwaine’s apartment complex was hardly deep enough to even dive. The night, however, was warm - perfect for a swim. It was still early enough for a few hours of sunlight, but the sun was descending, creating that late-summer night feeling that Arthur had always loved. The group walked together to the pool, making more noise than they probably should have. Gwaine and Percival were leading the way since Percy had come up with the idea of them all going swimming, and it was Gwaine’s pool. Gwen and Lance followed behind, holding onto each other as if the world would end if they weren't holding hands. Then there was Elyan and Will who were trying to get Arthur to talk about his trip to America... unsuccessfully.

It was weird seeing Will in the group, but since Arthur and Merlin had started dating two months ago, Will had been coming around more often. Merlin was oddly keeping to himself, trailing in the back. Arthur thought that he'd be thrilled to have his best friend come along since Merlin had been saying how much Will wanted to be included in the group lately.

Ignoring Elyan and Will, Arthur stopped walking to wait for Merlin. The other two kept walking, continuing on about how Arthur didn’t ever share anything good with them. Arthur had just come back from America a few days ago where he had tried out for a football - soccer? - team. They hadn't gotten back to Arthur yet about whether or not he would join the team, but Arthur felt pretty confident that he had done well. Next year, if he wanted, he could potentially have a full scholarship to Stanford as part of their team. But he had barely had a chance to talk to Merlin about it; he certainly didn't want to talk to Elyan and Will before he could even properly discuss his trip with his boyfriend. The truth was, Arthur didn’t want to go to America. Especially if Merlin was going to Cambridge, like he had planned. Arthur loved football, but he loved swimming more, and even more than both of those, he loved Merlin. He couldn’t imagine leaving Merlin behind. That was unthinkable.

They had known each other for three years before they finally started dating. How it had taken them that long was a mystery to both of them. Neither had been particularly candid about their feelings, but they hadn't really done a good job of hiding them either. They had been happy with being best friends - and not dating in the meantime, oddly enough - until one night one thing lead to an other and they figured it was time to just make it official. Merlin was more than just Arthur’s boyfriend, he was his best friend and his better half, as cliché as that was to say. The upcoming year would bring a lot of changes for both of them, but Arthur wasn’t interested in making any decision without Merlin.

"Hey, you," Arthur said, petting Merlin’s arm gently as the skinnier boy caught up. "You're unusually quiet."

Merlin nodded, but his head stayed down, watching his feet as he walked. He was wearing flip-flops, so his hairy, long toes were wiggling slightly as he walked. Arthur would never admit to finding them weirdly attractive, but Merlin’s toes totally were a bit of a turn on for him.

"Aren't you excited to swim?" Arthur had tried to get Merlin to swim with him for ages, but something had always come up. They never had the chance in the past three years, for some reason. Arthur’s passion, besides football, was swimming, so he had always wanted to share that with Merlin. Merlin would come to every swim meet, yet he wouldn't go to a pool otherwise. All summer, inexplicably, Merlin had never gone swimming with Arthur, once. He hadn’t gone swimming at all, to Arthur’s knowledge...

Merlin nodded again, but this time took Arthur’s hand. "Yeah, should be fun." He looked at Arthur with a whisper of a grin on his face. "I missed you, Red," he admitted, face shifting to a more genuine look of contentment.

Arthur smiled, both at the sentiment and the nickname Merlin had given him. It started when they first met. Arthur had thought - rightly so - that Merlin’s name was kinda silly, so he called Merlin Blue, because of his eyes. After a week of calling Merlin only Blue, Merlin got frustrated and tried to argue it saying that Arthur's eyes were blue too. The name couldn’t solely belong to Merlin, Arthur could be called Blue too if Merlin wanted. Arthur just laughed at how little sense that had made, and told Merlin he needed to be more creative with his argument if he wanted Arthur to stop. A week after that, Merlin came to one of Arthur’s footie games and started - uncreatively - calling Arthur Red because of Arthur's red jersey. The names stuck ever since.

"I missed you too, Blue. I want to tell you all about it!" Arthur swung Merlin’s hand as they walked, then pulled Merlin in to sling an arm around his shoulder. "You would have loved it."

Merlin forced a smile. "I don’t know if America is really the place for me."

Arthur knew what Merlin was getting at: he didn’t want to move. Arthur knew that, but the fact that it wasn't still up in the air did hurt a little. What if Arthur did go, what would become of them? Arthur shook his head, erasing his worries. It didn’t matter because Arthur wanted to stay with Merlin, no matter what. He could play football anywhere, it didn’t have to be America. And there was a swim team in Leeds he had been interested in. There were other options for Arthur, but Merlin really only had one. He had gotten a full scholarship for Cambridge, and his other options he'd barely be able to afford. Merlin was going to go to Cambridge, that was final. Arthur wouldn’t let Merlin give up on school for anything, especially not him. Though Leeds was nearly 3 hours away from Cambridge, it was much closer than America. Anyway, Arthur still hadn’t made a decision. He was only certain that Merlin would be a definite factor in his plan, whatever that was.

"I don’t think it's really the place for me either, but you would have liked their burritos. California has some pretty rad burritos."

Merlin chuckled. "'Rad'?"

"Yup. It's American slang, you wouldn't get it," Arthur piped, feigning an air of superiority.

This made Merlin laugh again, seemingly more relaxed. "I guess you are a pro now. My small little Irish brain can't comprehend the complexity of your words any longer."

They continued to the pool as Arthur recapped the highlights of his trip. They hadn't gotten any time to themselves since Arthur came back. He had seen Merlin briefly after he had first gotten home, but Arthur had been so knackered, he had fallen asleep before Merlin had even left his house. The rest of the group had basically taken to ignoring Merlin and Arthur when they got too "coupley", like they were now. That is, all except Will.

Will thought he was practically part of their relationship, something Arthur had always found more than annoying. Will was Merlin’s childhood friend, so he thought he could intrude in on Merlin’s personal life whenever he felt like it. Merlin was too passive to say anything about it, but Arthur had, on occasion, told Will to fuck off. He was a real life cock block.

Once they got to the pool, Will pushed his way between Arthur and Merlin. "Merr-lyn!" Will whined as he slipped out of his tee and grabbed Merlin roughly by the shoulder. "You gonna swim finally or you gonna pout on the side like you always do?"

Before Merlin could answer, Gwaine had pulled Percival into the pool with him, which aroused some cheers from the rest of the group and a scream from Gwen. Elyan started laughing and rushed over to pull Will in too. They ran off, pushing and pulling each other until both ended up in the pool laughing. Lance and Gwen held hands as they made their way to the shallow end to leisurely slip in.

"What is Will talking about?" Arthur asked, trying to be causal, but he had a feeling Merlin was sensitive about the topic. Merlin always picked at his nails when he was nervous. The first time they had sex - or tried to - Merlin had practically picked his nails to nubs.

Merlin shrugged as he sat down in one of the lawn chairs along the perimeter of the pool. "I dunno, he's weird."

"You going to come in then?" Arthur asked as he pulled off his thin white shirt, setting down his bag.

"In a minute. Let me finish this text to my mum." Merlin wasn’t even holding his phone, and didn't seem to be making an effort to get it out. Arthur decided to drop it and go for a swim. If Merlin didn’t want to swim, he didn’t want to swim. He did say he would come in later, so Arthur decided to believe him. Though he could always tell when Merlin was lying.

The pool was much smaller than Arthur was accustomed to - and oddly enough, outdoors - but he figured it would be deep enough to dive. He stood at the far end and waved quickly at Merlin before jumping in. The water was warm and cooling at the same time. It was the perfect temperature for the weather of the day - which was unusually hot for Winchester in late July.

Arthur, Gwaine, Percy, and Lance played a game of chicken with Arthur and Lance on top. It ended poorly for Lance, but his ego was hurt more than anything else. Gwen swam over to Lance right as he fell off Percival’s shoulders, cooing reassuring nonsense to him as they swam back to the shallow end, with Lance muttering empty threats to Arthur about next time. Arthur dismounted from Gwaine with a splash and swam over to the side of the pool where Merlin still sat, staring at his phone.

"What are you doing?"

"Texting," Merlin answered without bringing his head up.

Will doggie-paddled over and smirked as he looked from Merlin to Arthur. Arthur hated that stupid smirk of Will's, it was never a good thing. "Merls hates swimming. He's scared. When he was -"

"Will!" Merlin interrupted, quickly cutting off his friend. Arthur looked back at Merlin, who was now glaring at Will. Will just flipped Merlin off and swam away with an evil little chuckle.

"You okay, Blue?" Merlin nodded and went back to his phone. Arthur hoisted himself over the side and walked over to the lawn chair Merlin was curled up in. As Arthur sat down next to Merlin, he dripped pool water all over him. Merlin didn’t seem to notice. "What's up?"

"I'm not scared." Merlin was still looking at his phone, but Arthur could see now that he was just scrolling through his main pages on his home screen. "I just don't like swimming."

"Me neither," Arthur joked, but it didn't seem to sit well with Merlin. "I'm kidding, Merlin."

"I know, but Will wasn’t." Merlin unfolded himself and sat up next to Arthur, putting his phone by his side. He still didn’t look up.

Arthur really wanted to understand - he also really wanted to punch Will - but one thing Arthur knew well about Merlin was that he should never push Merlin to do anything he didn’t want to do. The boy may be skinny, but no one could make him do something if he was unwilling. Arthur sighed and pushed his own longing for Merlin to get in the water aside. "Forget Will; it's fine, you know, if you don't want to swim. And you don't owe me an explanation for it either."

"No, I want you to know... I just..  it's embarrassing."

Arthur waved his hand dismissively. "Merlin, I don’t care. I've seen you trip, fall into a pile of mud, and claim it tasted like chocolate. You can’t really surprise me."

Merlin laughed defensively. "It did taste like chocolate! It's not my fault you didn't trust me enough to try it. You love chocolate."

"Merlin, it was mud!" They both laughed out loud at that. The faint sounds of their friends in the pool became white noise as Arthur focused hard on Merlin. He was still picking at his nails, and Arthur could see a slight shiver running through him. "You cold?" Arthur asked instinctively, though he knew it was from nerves.

"I was 8. My mum said I was too old to not know how to swim, so she signed me up for lessons. I was with a bunch of 5 year-olds, though, so I guess 8 really was too old to start out. Anyway, I went out too deep, too soon, and almost drowned. I don’t know how close I was to actually drowning, but it was... I don’t know. It was dumb. I haven't been in a pool since..."

Arthur had, at some point in Merlin’s story, put his hand on Merlin’s knee. He squeezed it when Merlin finished. "That's not embarrassing at all. At least there were no sharks involved." Arthur could feel Merlin’s tremor and his heart ached for his boyfriend.

Merlin shook his head, dimples deepening indicating that he was suppressing a smirk. "You're a prat."

Arthur nodded. "Yeah, but you're stuck with me, so get over it."

Merlin turned his stunning gaze to Arthur and gave him the gift of Merlin’s wonderful smile, deep and warm. "I think I can deal with that."

"Seriously, Merlin. That is a perfectly reasonable explanation for not wanting to swim." Arthur reached for Merlin's hand. "I'm sorry that happened to you." Arthur brought his other hand to Merlin's face and rubbed his cheek with his thumb, searching Merlin’s face for any sign of distrust; there was none. He found it strangely refreshing that Merlin had shared this bit of information about himself with Arthur so easily. Though it must have been hard for Merlin, Arthur truly appreciated the trust they shared. "Do you want to go back to my place? We can dry off and have some adult kind of fun. Pools are overrated anyhow."

"No," Merlin protested. "You go swim, have fun. I knew what I was getting myself into when I agreed to come along. I'm happy just watching you swim." He smiled. "It's really hot." Merlin always got a stupid little blush when he tried to flirt or when he complimented Arthur. It was enough to drive Arthur wild.

"Okay, well let me know if you change your mind. I really like adult fun times."

Merlin pushed Arthur towards the pool. "We will get to that, trust me, but first you have a good time."

Arthur decided he would, at least to shut Merlin up, but if Merlin wasn’t even going to join him, Arthur didn’t want to be out too much longer. The whole point of the night was to see his boyfriend whom he hadn't seen in nearly two weeks. Giving in to Merlin’s request, Arthur cannonballed back into the pool. When he resurfaced he looked back at Merlin who was brushing a few drops of water from his face and fighting back a grin.

After about twenty more minutes of swimming, Gwaine decided everyone was bored, telling them that they should all get hot dogs with him. Leon and Morgana had also invited them all out to the club that night, so some were thinking of meeting up with them later. Arthur had spent enough time with his sister in America, so he didn’t really want to go to the club. Plus, he was really looking forward to a night alone with Merlin.

The group gathered their towels, drying off as they tried to figure out rides and who was going with who. Arthur had driven both him and Merlin over to Gwaine’s, so they were free to leave whenever they wanted. And, no, they would not get hot dogs or go to a club, thank you very much. "I think Merlin and I are going to head home early tonight." That got them a wolf-whistle from both Percival and Gwaine. Since Percy had started dating Gwaine it was hard to tell them apart at times.

Will came over to Merlin and, not so quietly, asked, "I thought you were going to come to mine. Don't you want to play Magic?"

"That's tomorrow night," Merlin corrected solemnly. "I want to see Arthur."

Will actually growled. "Fine. I guess sex is pretty fun too." Then, as if nothing had happened, he punched Merlin’s arm and ran off to catch up with Elyan who had started off already with Lance and Gwen. Percival and Gwaine said goodbye, leaving Arthur alone with Merlin at last.

"Ready?" Arthur asked, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

Merlin studied his feet. "I erm... yeah. I'm sorry I didn't swim."

"Why are you sorry?"

"Because," Merlin began, "I know you've been wanting to swim with me for a long time now, and I've been avoiding it."

"Really!?" Arthur placed a hand dramatically over his chest. "You have!?"

"Shut it, prat!" Merlin sniffled a laugh. "I'm serious, I know it was important to you, and I'm sorry I messed it up."

Arthur just shrugged. "You didn't mess anything up. You didn’t want to swim, that's it, and I can't blame you for that." He started to walk towards the gate, but Merlin stayed put. When Arthur turned back around, he saw Merlin taking off his shirt. "What are you doing?" Arthur asked, a bit worried.

Merlin rubbed his arms quickly. God, Merlin would be cold in the Savanna. "I, erm... maybe I could just get my feet wet?"

It was mostly dark by now and Merlin clearly wouldn’t be going in to cool off, he was doing it for Arthur. This realization made Arthur's heart swell, and he couldn’t say no. "Sure," Arthur said slowly. "But only if you want to."

"I want to," was Merlin’s only response before he turned around and headed to the shallow end.

Arthur threw off his shirt and jogged over to the pool-edge. Merlin sat on the side, hugging his knees and watching the water ripple slightly. "You know you don't have to do this for me, right?" Arthur insisted.

Merlin just shook his head. "It's just as much for me as it is for you. I don’t want to be scared, Arthur." He still had his eyes fixed on the water.

"Alright, then." Arthur waded in slowly, keeping himself facing Merlin. "Whenever you're ready, I'm right here, okay?"

"Okay," Merlin agreed. He tentatively stuck out his toe and placed it in the water first. It was so childlike and innocent, Arthur thought maybe he was dreaming with how adorable it was, but it was so Merlin to be that way. Arthur moved closer to Merlin and met his eye. "I'm going to get in," Merlin added.

"Sure?" Arthur questioned. Merlin had only stuck his toe in, how could he be so certain he was ready to get in? But before Arthur could continue his thoughts, Merlin had pushed himself off the edge and gilded himself to Arthur in one single movement.

"I'm sure," Merlin chirped, clinging onto Arthur like an octopus, all arms and legs.

The proximity of Merlin was a bit surprising. Being so close, skin to skin, was usually something they only did in the privacy of closed doors. Though, they were alone now, and Merlin felt so good against Arthur. It was nice to have his boyfriend in his arms, so trusting and pliant. Arthur hadn’t expected Merlin to even get in past his knees, yet here Merin was flush against Arthur, and even his legs clung on for dear life. The longer they stayed like that, the more tense Merlin became. "If you want to get out -"

"Just give me a minute." Merlin shut his eyes tight and started to even out his breathing. His heart was thumping hard; Arthur could hear it loud in his own ear with how close Merlin was.

"Take your time." Arthur hummed Merlin's favorite song as he started to spin in the water. They were about chest deep, and Merlin’s weight was being carried mostly by the water.

Merlin’s eyes shot open. "Don't let go!"

"Wouldn't dream of it." Arthur started humming again, holding Merlin securely for reassurance.

"Are you singing 'Give Your Heart a Break'?" Merlin asked incredulously.

Arthur smiled as he stopped humming. "Demi Lovato speaks to my soul." They shared a smile, and Merlin started to hold on with significantly less force. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Merlin breathed. "Fine. It's just weird. I keep expecting to panic, but I'm actually relatively relaxed."

"Good," Arthur said as he took a step backwards towards the deep end.

Merlin’s eyes widened. "Not too far..."

"Only as far as you're comfortable with, darling. Just tell me when to stop." Merlin swallowed as he watched the water behind Arthur. They were about neck deep when Merlin started holding on tightly again, making Arthur stop. "We can go back, if you want."

Merlin took a deep breath and closed his eyes again. "I can do this."

"Can you swim?" Arthur's grip tightened at the thought of Merlin drifting away from him. Of course Arthur was a strong enough swimmer that he wouldn’t have any trouble keeping Merlin safe, but Merlin’s fright alone would not be worth even trying to let go. Arthur would rather err on the side of caution; he was perfectly content holding Merlin where they could both stand.

"No, I can't. I want to let go though."

"You do?"

Merlin nodded quickly, as if he would change his mind if he didn't. So Arthur lifted his hands up, but Merlin’s grip only strengthened. "Not yet!" he squealed feebly.

Arthur tried not to chuckle, he really did. Merlin was so sweet and the way he held onto Arthur was so endearing. Arthur could get used to this Merlin who clung to him and yelled at him to never let go. "What do you want me to do?"

"Don't leave me," Merlin whispered into Arthur’s neck.

Arthur got a sinking feeling in his chest that told him maybe he had pushed Merlin too far, that maybe his joking had sent Merlin into the panic he had successfully avoided. "Babe, are you okay?"

Merlin pulled away and looked at Arthur with a fearful look. "Don't go to California."

Oh. Is that all? "Fuck, Merlin. Did you think I would really leave you? I wanted to try out, because they asked me, and it was a paid trip. It was a wonderful opportunity, but I... I couldn’t leave you."

"I feel selfish for asking," Merlin frowned.

"Don't. I couldn’t live in California without you. I don’t think I could live anywhere without you, Merlin."

That brought a wry smiled to Merlin face, which he quickly buried into Arthur’s neck again. "I love you."

Both froze. Arthur in shock and disbelief, and Merlin probably in horror that he had actually said those words out loud. "Merlin," Arthur demanded gently.

Merlin shook his head that was still in the crook of Arthur’s neck.

"Merlin," Arthur said, a bit more forcefully.

Merlin slowly pulled away and looked at Arthur with a worried expression.

"I love you." Arthur leaned in and kissed Merlin’s forehead, squeezing a grunt out of his boyfriend.

Merlin kissed Arthur's cheek, then his ear, then his lips. Something about wading in the pool, with Merlin still wrapped completely around Arthur, was so comforting and enduring. Like it could - and would - last, forever. "I'd never leave you either, Arthur. Just so you know..."

Arthur let out a laugh that was embarrassingly high pitched. "Good, Blue, I plan on keeping you around for a while too."

Then Merlin gingerly peeled his arms off Arthur. His legs were still wrapped around Arthur’s waist, but Merlin had let go! He layed back onto the water and controlled his breathing. Then Merlin slowly let go with his legs too. He was drifting into the shallow end, so Arthur pushed him gently away. Merlin relaxed on his back just staring up at the trees above. "I could get used to this," he said casually.

Arthur swam next to him, right alongside, "You're doing so well!" he said genuinely, managing to not sound condescending for once.

Merlin smiled and took hold of Arthur's hand. "Thank you," he said through controlled breathing. Then, Merlin's feet found the bottom of the pool and soon he was standing on his own, waist deep in the water. Arthur stood up too, far too proud of Merlin’s seemingly small accomplishment. Merlin moved in close again, wrapping his arms around Arthur’s neck. His wet skin against Arthur’s, and his hair dripping in the back, were like a trophy for Merlin overcoming his fear. "I knew you were right there though, I wouldn't have gone that far if you weren't."

Arthur smiled and shook his head in mock disapproval; he couldn’t not love Merlin, even if he wanted to, Arthur decided.

"I'll always be right next to you, Blue."

Merlin cupped Arthur’s chin, rubbing circles in Arthur’s hair where his long fingers touched the back of his neck. The darkness of the night had taken over, leaving the cool summer breeze that shook the trees gently. The pool lights played off Merlin's face, dancing with the waves. Everything was calm and orderly, and as Arthur felt the peace of the night overtake him, Merlin leaned in and kissed him chastely. "And I you, Red. Always."

Notes:

Arthur teaching Merlin anything is adorable. Somehow it’s more adorable when it’s swimming. I really hope you enjoyed the fluff.