Chapter Text
Shadow could read Sonic's moods pretty effectively now that they’d been a few years into their relationship, and something about this week felt different.
It all started when Tails came down with something nasty. Nothing life-threatening, but the flu or something like it had him down for the count for several days, quarantined in his workshop under care from Knuckles and Amy. Sonic had dropped by once to check in through the door and drop off homemade cookies and soup. Ever since then, Shadow had noticed a shift.
Their home became spotless. This wasn’t Sonic’s usual stress-clean tidy or anxiety-clean rearranged, but spotless . Sonic scrubbed the counters to shininess, mopped the floors twice in the same afternoon, and cleaned every doorknob after nearly every use. The hero had set up a hand-sanitizer station by the front door and rotated towels out, making separate hand towels for both him and Shadow. The dishwasher ran daily, whether full or not.
And Sonic himself was different.
The first morning after Sonic found out Tails was sick, Shadow caught him scrubbing his ungloved hands until the fur between his knuckles was damp and frizzed. By the second day, Sonic was wearing a mask indoors if either of them had been out that day.
Even on a quick run to the store, Shadow noticed him keeping extra space from anyone nearby and sidestepping strangers with a precision that looked more tactical than casual. When someone got too close in the checkout line, Sonic practically clung to his partner as if someone had pulled a gun on them.
It was starting to weird Shadow out, especially when Sonic insisted on wiping down groceries after getting home.
When they visited Knuckles, Sonic brought his own sanitizing wipes and cleaned the armrests before sitting down. Knuckles didn’t even bat an eye at the behavior, which seemed to bother Shadow even more. Did Knuckles know something Shadow didn’t? That was a…difficult sentence to think about for a lot of reasons.
Visiting Amy, the blue hedgehog quietly misted down the chairs with disinfectant spray while she made tea. Amy even offered to help Sonic open windows or sit outside to make the space feel better for him. Shadow watched the whole time, perplexed at what he was witnessing. Maybe he missed something about how contagious Tails’s cold was? Maybe Sonic was having anxiety about something unrelated and taking it out by cleaning? Shadow couldn’t figure it out.
The moment they got home, Sonic changed clothes and tossed the old ones straight into the wash.
Shadow had never seen him like this, not even during the worst of Sonic's own illnesses. The last time Sonic had been sick was 8 months ago when he’d gone from a stuffy nose to pneumonia in a few days. It knocked him out for months, but even then, Sonic didn’t have the energy to clean like this or compulsively fight germs. Even after recovering from that, Sonic wasn’t like this.
Maybe it was residual from the years of chronic illness Sonic experienced. That was really difficult for him, and Shadow hadn’t been there, since it was while they were rivals. Shadow hadn’t truly seen what Sonic was like then, so maybe this was normal to his friends. It certainly was unusual for Shadow to witness.
It wasn't just caution- it was control . Like if Sonic could scrub the air clean, he could keep something dangerous from getting in.
The breaking point for Shadow came two days later, when Sonic pulled on a fitted black mask before heading out for a morning run.
"You know that's going to make breathing harder," Shadow commented from the doorway.
"Yeah," Sonic replied, tugging the mask snug over his muzzle, "but it keeps germs out. Worth it."
Shadow frowned. "From the air ? You're running through the open air and not even near civilization, Sunshine."
"You never know," Sonic said lightly, but his tone carried that clipped edge Shadow recognized: the one that meant there was something wrong.
It was the same edge that had surfaced before, when Sonic was hiding fear under speed, when his smile was stretched thin over something he didn't want to name. Shadow felt his chest tighten, thoughts racing: Was this about Tails? Was it about something worse? Was he watching the start of another spiral he wouldn't know how to stop?
By that evening, Shadow found himself watching Sonic's every movement. The way his hands lingered over a bottle of sanitizer and how he wiped down the remote control before handing it over. Shadow noticed how the other’s jaw tightened any time one of their friends coughed or sneezed over the comms on their group call.
This was something protective and definitely obsessive. Something Sonic wasn’t talking about yet.
Shadow, remembering what it took for them to talk last time, was already worried about how deep this was going to run.
The next morning, he intercepted Sonic in the kitchen before the blue blur could disappear into his usual cleaning spree. “Hey. Look at me. What’s going on? Or at least, just…tell me how I can help you feel better.” His voice was gentle but carried a low edge of concern.
Sonic hesitated, glancing away as he set a mug on the counter. If I tell him, he’s going to think I’m overreacting… but if I don’t, he’s going to keep looking at me like that. “I’m just… worried about Tails. Not just for him, though yeah, that’s most of it…but also for me. I haven’t been sick in a long time now, but the last time I did? It took me months to get better.”
Shadow’s fists curled against the counter. Months where you could barely stand. Months where you looked like you were fading. He could almost feel his teeth grinding. Angry at the world, at the injustice that something so small and invisible could knock Sonic down for so long. Angry that the memory still had its claws in him. Angry that before that, there were years Sonic had spent like that.
They lingered in the kitchen, the kettle hissing softly. Sonic reached for two mugs and slid one toward Shadow without a word, pouring tea for both of them. He made his own with medicinal herbs and made Shadow a black tea with ginger, chocolate, and chili. Shadow hummed contentedly at the smell of spices coming from his mug.
Their fingers brushed, and Sonic offered a faint smile. It was thin, but it was real. Shadow took the mug, feeling the warmth seep into his gloves. You still think you have to handle this yourself.
“I’ll be fine,” Sonic said quietly, rinsing a spoon. “I just… need to keep on top of things.”
Shadow wanted to argue, but instead he stepped closer, wrapping an arm briefly around Sonic’s waist. Sonic leaned into it for a second before pulling back to dry his hands. The gesture was grounding, but it did little to settle the worry gnawing at him.
When Sonic excused himself to go sit on the beach to “bake the germs out,” Shadow stayed behind, watching the door close with a faint creak. The sound of the ocean crashing against warm sand filtered in faintly from outside. He picked up his phone from the kitchen counter, scrolling to Amy’s name.
She answered quickly, her tone warm but curious.
“Shadow? Is everything okay? You don’t usually call,” Amy asked.
“Not really,” he admitted with his voice low. “Sonic’s been different? Obsessive more than usual and wearing a mask outside in open air and sometimes in the house and scrubbing surfaces until they shine. It started when Tails got sick, if that helps you.”
“Wait, is Sonic sick?” Amy asked hurriedly, as if she were about to destroy anything in the way of caring for the blue hero.
“He’s not sick…not yet, at least. I can tell it’s on his mind and that must be why he’s on edge like you’re saying. Just the idea of being sick seems to drag up a lot for him.”
Amy hummed, the kind of sound she made when she was already thinking ten steps ahead. “It’s those years, Shadow. That’s not just a bad memory and it’s not about avoiding a bug. For Sonic, it’s about avoiding what comes after. Years ago, he fought for every ounce of energy and didn’t even know if he’d recover, and that’s not something you forget.”
“I know that, and we’ve talked about that. I just…he’s so much healthier now. I don’t want to see him collapse over something that might not do the same amount of damage.”
On the other side of the line, Amy hummed and considered the other’s point. She racked her brain for the most recent time Sonic was sick, explaining how “last time, around 8 months ago, when Sonic got sick, it took him 2 months to fully recover. While it wasn’t the same as years of illness, he’s still unsure if he’ll get better.”
Shadow growled on the other side of the line, as if it would make it better to be angry with the world for doing this to his partner and the being he loved the most in the world. “I remember, Amy. I was there that time. I didn’t know at the time it was connected to the years of illness before I knew Sonic, but I remember it being so hard for him to get up.”
“Exactly. It’s not the cold itself he fears, Shadow,” Amy said softly. “It’s what it means for him now. When someone has a minor anxiety, you can reassure them that they’ve done something before and can do it again, but this kind of major or chronic illness doesn’t guarantee that.”
Shadow was silent for a moment, jaw tight. So this is trauma, he realized, not simply paranoia.
Amy went on, “He handles the anxiety by controlling what he can: the air, the surfaces, the routines. When people close to him are sick, that urge spikes through the roof. It’s exhausting for him, but it’s how he feels safe.”
“He hasn’t told me that,” Shadow murmured.
“He probably won’t, not right away.”
Shadow exhaled slowly, trying to absorb it. I can’t scrub that fear out of him. I can’t just erase it or punch it or fight it and make it go away. Every time he’s felt a little off this week I see it in his face. I see him calculate it and ask himself how bad it might get or how long it might last or if it’ll be another uphill battle to get back to where he is now. He doesn’t deserve that. He never deserved that.
“So how do I help him?” the dark hedgehog asked with a renewed sense of determination.
“Be steady and patient with him, and don’t take it personally. That was a learning curve for me, but otherwise you’ll think you’re never doing enough. Remind him he’s safe, and that you’ll be here no matter what. His fears are rooted in real experiences, even if they seem irrational to us.” Amy’s voice was tender, laced with the weight of someone who’d seen Sonic through many storms.
“Anything else? Anything that helped back when it was really bad that I should know if he does get sick?”
“Try to keep him busy with the present. Help him put together a nest or do soft tasks or answer ridiculous fan mail to keep his mind from drowning itself in the trauma. You can always call me if you need backup or food or any kind of care, okay?”
Shadow’s mind was racing again as he nodded. He realized that he was on the phone and needed to respond, so he hummed affirmatively and thanked Amy before hanging up. The call had helped Shadow mentally reset what he needed to do.
By the time Sonic came back from the beach, Shadow had a better grasp of the why behind all this, but that didn’t make the worry fade. He met Sonic at the door, taking in the faint salt smell on his fur and the distant glaze in his eyes from staring at the waves too long.
“Hey Sunshine, you look gorgeous,” Shadow softly complimented. He didn’t often say his thoughts out loud but something about Sonic returning from the beach just did it for him.
This earned a smile from the blue hero as he planted a kiss on Shadow’s cheek, “You’re not so bad yourself, babe.” Shadow’s face turned red.
As they both walked inside together, Sonic smiling proudly at how easy it was to fluster Shadow, who was now grumbling dramatically, Shadow stopped them in the hall.
“Hey,” Shadow said quietly. “Do you want to rest, take a shower, do something else, or should I give you space?”
Sonic blinked at him, surprised by the softness in his tone. “Shower sounds really nice. Might wash the sand off my brain. These quills are probably gross too”
Shadow allowed a faint smirk, stepping aside to let him through. I can’t take away what happened to you, but I can make sure you’re not carrying it alone now.
The bathroom filled with steam and the scent of eucalyptus in minutes, and Shadow could hear a content sigh from Sonic as he stepped into the warm water. “Hey Shads!” Sonic called out from the shower, prompting the other to turn his head.
“Are you okay?”
“Of course, silly, I wanted to see if you wanted to help me with my quills. Sometimes you like to…” he trailed off. Actually, it’s because I always love the feeling of your hands on my head and it’s one of the most intimate things we do. But Sonic wasn’t going to say that out loud.
Shadow opened and shut the door quickly and joined his partner in the shower, filling his hands with just the right amount of shampoo and soap to get Sonic’s quills clean. The second bare hands touched Sonic’s scalp, Sonic practically melted into a puddle and ran down the drain. Shadow hummed something that was a mix of contentment and laughter as he worked.
“I swear, Shads, you’re…oh Chaos, you’re amazing at this,” Sonic sighed again. Shadow leaned around and gave the other a kiss.
“Anytime, Sunshine.”
Sonic let the noise, the anxiety, and the pain in his muscles fade into the background as he let himself be held in Shadow’s safe, protective, loving hands. He didn’t even notice when the quills were done and Shadow had taken it upon himself to rub his back and work in Shadow’s own lavender scented soap.
Shadow himself was somewhere between happy and elated, even if he didn’t say more than “I’m glad you like it so much.” He was so busy letting his brain run laps in relief about how Sonic was able to come down from the obsessive panic, even if it was just for a few minutes while Shadow took care of him in the shower.
With all the gentleness in the world, Shadow turned his partner around to rinse out the quills under warm water. The smell of the lavender soap hung in the air again as Sonic inhaled deeply and sighed.
“Y’know… the steam feels amazing. My ears have been hurting all day and my joints have been achy and this makes me feel like maybe I was just a little sore after all…”
So Sonic was feeling off. His ears hurt and he had muscle aches and pains. No wonder he was so compulsive all day. He’s been scared. This is not just a worry about Tails.
Shadow decided it was best not to push the blue hedgehog to share more, so he continued to gently lather and rinse soap until Sonic felt clean and said so. He took a second to wash his own fur as long as he was mostly wet at this point, and then Shadow turned the water off.
Sonic let out a whimper at the cold until Shadow lovingly wrapped him in a big, red, fluffy towel and wrapped a smaller one around damp quills. The hero finally seemed to seep back into reality again at the cooler air, and Shadow grabbed his hand with a, “there you are, beautiful.”
As they walked out of the bathroom, Shadow noticed the slump in the other’s shoulders and the way he rubbed absently at his arms. The faint tightness returning around his eyes made Shadow’s chest twist, since these were more signs of fatigue and ache that Sonic seemed to be trying to downplay. He’s scared it’s starting, Shadow realized. Even if it’s nothing, even if it’s just the day catching up to him, he’s watching for the first domino to fall.
Sonic sat down slowly on the edge of the couch, toweling his quills, his breathing just a touch shallower than usual. “I just…feel a little off, this is fine, this is fine, this is fine,” he muttered, almost to himself. Shadow eased onto the cushion beside him, one still bare bare hand hovering just enough to let Sonic decide if he wanted contact. Sonic leaned in enough for Shadow to feel it and Shadow’s worry deepened.
I can feel the fear under your skin, Sunshine.