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Jinu didn’t want to go to Rumi again.
Not really. It was the next day, and Romance was clingy—he apologized for being so jealous when they met with Rumi, and spent the whole day with the boys. Of course, they had to fetch souls, but Romance made a date out of it; He praised captures and gave them “victory kisses,” which he swore was a real thing. Afterwards, he’d curled up next to Jinu and started reading some romance novel he’d stolen from topside. Baby was at his feet, controlling their social media page; Abby was on Jinu’s other side, sleeping on his shoulder; and Mystery was on Romance’s other side, eating a bar of white chocolate (demons didn’t need food, but Romance knew Mystery liked it and got it for him while they hunted). It was a rare moment of comfort for them all—despite the qualms of the demon realm, and Gwi-ma’s eternal tormenting, everything was a little quieter when it was just the five of them. A little safer. They could be themselves, whatever that meant.
But then she sent him a little purple note again (and this time, he knew it wasn’t a date), wanting to talk. Truthfully, Jinu wanted to as well. So he untangled himself from their little pile under a half-assed excuse and left.
The others thought her plan was absurd. Part of Jinu did as well, and the other part was hopeful.
That he could get the boys out. For good.
Jinu wanted his memories erased. He wanted the face of his mother and the voice of his sister to go away; He didn’t want to hear them scream anymore, he didn’t want to see their boney faces and tired eyes. Every single waking minute the guilt consumed him, burned him, echoed in his mind and flashed across his vision.
He knew how the boys got here. And maybe a part of them deserved it, like he does. But on top of all that they were all just kids. They made mistakes. They would suffer for eternity for it, forced to keep their love under wraps and let their memories consume themselves and then each other. Unless Jinu got them out. At least then, they could find meaning to the word freedom again. Find happiness.
They would be better off without him anyway.
__________
He promised to make the Saja Boys lose.
He wasn’t sure how he would convince the others—Baby seemed pretty set in the idea that Rumi was stupid and a liar, Romance agreed, Abby went along and…Mystery didn’t voice his thoughts, per usual, but his lack of arguing meant something. It meant they were going to satisfy Gwi-ma, because they felt like they had no other options.
They did. Rumi showed him they did. He didn’t hear Gwi-ma’s voice when he sang with her. He gave her her voice back. She gave him…something back. Something light. Something hopeful. He didn’t have a name for it, didn’t know the feeling, but it was there. He saw it in her eyes. Held it in her hand.
He let her use Derpy to get back to her home. It was almost time for the awards, and she needed all the rest she could get, being human. Or maybe she didn’t need much, being part demon.
Right as she left, the whispers returned at full blast. You left them, you left them, you left them, selfish, selfish, selfish. He felt the familiar burn and pull of Gwi-ma bringing him back to the underworld. His insides twisted and his skin tingled at the sensation, until he was smacking against stone once more, obviously right before the demon king. He looked down from his spot at the top of the steps.
The demons below were silent. Even Jelly.
Jinu sneers at them. “What’s with the long faces? Everything’s going to plan. Look at all these souls, huh?” He gestured upwards, watching as tons of souls soar towards the raging fire behind him.
Which was…a lot hotter than usual.
A demon whimpers from below, pointing shakily. “Turn around.”
Jinu did. And god, if he could burn the sight out of his mind.
Because not only was Gwi-ma huge, a hundred times bigger than before, but he had something. Something of his.
His boys.
Abby. Romance. Mystery. Baby. All of them were suspended in the air, painfully , their patterns lit up to the highest degree. Jinu knows that it burns. They writhe and groan, their shoulders hunched, hands twitching at their sides as they try to wrench free from Gwi-ma’s invisible grasp.
Gwi-ma laughs. It’s all a game to him. “That’s funny. Did you think that you could actually be free? From me?”
Jinu gasps, his heart pounding in his ears, the beat louder than Gwi-ma’s voice. And normally he’d keep his composure. He’s in front of every demon in the realm, he shouldn’t bare himself like this. Only four people got the privilege to see him like this—and there they were, looking straight at him with nothing but confusion and pain and desperation.
“Ji— Jinu—” Abby manages, his voice shaky. He meets Jinu’s eyes. “What…did…you d-do?”
Gwi-ma answers for him.
“He met up with the hunter again. He thinks you can be free.”
“What?!” Baby yells, only to be cut off from any more protest by a moan of pain.
Romance speaks up next, his voice weak, but shaking in hurt masked with fury. “You left us to meet up with her? You said you were— nh —-g-gettting some air!”
Jinu sputters for a response. “No! I mean, yes, but- no, I- I’m only trying to gain her trust—!”
“Good,”
Gwi-ma interrupts.
“Because if you really believed her, if you thought for a second that you could escape what you are, what you’ve done, you would have told her the truth.”
Jinu can feel it. The familiar burn behind his eyes that’s not tears but fire (maybe both), Gwi-ma in his head, about to show him his darkest memories. He turns slowly, prepared to see it all over again—his mother holding back his crying sister, her little voice calling out for him, her fingers clasping around nothing—but he doesn’t.
“Don’t forget about our deal, Jinu,” Gwi-ma says. Jinu whips back around, eyes going straight to the boys. “Because I can turn those voices up. ”
…
Yet Jinu hears nothing.
“Or…
… I can turn theirs up.”
And all at once, Gwi-ma pulls them closer, their bodies seizing—then they scream.
The sound grates in his ears. He's heard them scream before. When Romance got startled by something, because he always shrieked at the most minor things. When Mystery jolted up from a nightmare. When Baby went on that roller coaster on a rare night of silence, when Gwi-ma felt too weak to torture them. When Abby clumsily fell off that stone one time and Jinu barely caught him.
But not in pain. Never in pain.
And Jinu’s never been so goddamn helpless.
He watches Abby’s jaw clench as he groans, the demon’s shoulders shaking with tension. Gwi-ma speaks up, out loud , voicing all their insecurities to the silent demons below. All their shame.
“Nobody has ever wanted you for more than your body. You know it. Your little ‘fans’ know it. You are just a vessel for people to touch and admire as they please . ”
Then Romance gasps, his eyes going wide, and he whimpers, lip trembling. He looks so…vulnerable.
“You are only as good as the love you give somebody else. You mean nothing to him. To them . You’ve never meant anything to anyone—you’re too much for anyone to want.”
Tears cascade down Mystery’s face, his chest heaving with heavy sobs, Gwi-ma giving him enough slack to slide his hands into his hair and pull.
“You lost control. You swore to never be like them, but you let yourself snap. Their blood is on your hands— all of them. Remember how your mother looked at you? Monster .”
Baby stares straight ahead, shrunken in on himself, his eyes dimmed. That look of apathy is gone and replaced with something worse—something raw.
“You’re a failure. You’ve never done anything good for anyone. Everybody’s lives would be better without you in it to burden them.”
No. No, no, no.
Jinu spent years. Night upon night curled up next to them, running fingers through their hair, trying to reassure them that they were more than what Gwi-ma told them they were. Even with the king’s voice in their ears all the time, echoing in the silence, Jinu told them and they told each other and now Gwi-ma is here, breaking them into pieces right before Jinu’s eyes and he can’t do anything but yell at the raging fire to stop , and even then, Gwi-ma won’t stop until he feels like it.
Jinu drops to his knees. His voice breaks embarrassingly as he heaves for breath, tears falling rapidly from his eyes, but he doesn’t care.
“Please! Please, let them go—they didn’t do anything! I won’t, okay? I won’t do it! We’ll win the awards, you’ll get your souls, just- just please, let them go. Please.”
Gwi-ma only laughs, flames rising higher. “Look at you. Begging on your knees for your little toys. What, does pretending to love them make you feel better about yourself? I wouldn’t be surprised—nothing you do is for anyone but yourself .”
“You’re right,” Jinu chokes out. His tears are dripping onto the stone. “You’re right. This isn’t for them. None of this is.”
Gwi-ma chuckles darkly. “You lie, Jinu.”
The boys scream again. And again. Gwi-ma keeps toying with them like he’s testing Jinu’s limits, seeing how long it’ll take for him to break. How long he’ll beg, like a dog desperate for scraps.
(Forever.)
Until finally, “Hm. Pathetic.”
And then he lets them go. They each crumple to the ground, shaking, heaving, curled in on themselves. Hating themselves. Jinu doesn’t even know who to go to, so he goes to whoever’s closest—Mystery, who yelps and scrambles away from Jinu, seeing something on his hands that Jinu cannot.
“And Jinu?”
Jinu squints at the bright blaze, eyes blurry with tears from heat and fear.
“Don’t think you can escape what you are.”
Gwi-ma seizes them all, then, and sends them flying, the five of them landing in a heap at the bottom of the steps—no, the floor is soft. They’re on a rug. The weirdly shaped teal rug that Baby and Romance picked out together for their temporary apartment, bought with the money from their overnight fame. They’re back in their human clothes, but their forms stay the same, all of them writhing painfully as their skin continues to burn. Jinu stands quickly and hovers over them all, breathing way too quickly, eyes wide.
This is his fault. This is all his fault.
Selfish, selfish, selfish.
He got them hurt. He got his boys hurt. The ones he swore to protect with his life.