Chapter Text
Present day
“I never told you about my first kiss, did I?”
The cold beer wets the coffee table when Eddie sets it there. He doesn’t know how he got to this point in conversation. Buck was talking about his first girlfriend, probably when he was 14, but he didn’t remember her name and that made Eddie laugh a bit too hard as Buck watched him fondly.
“With Shannon, right?”
“Well, technically yes but… not really”.
Buck awaits now, lifting up an eyebrow, inviting Eddie to tell him the story.
_____________
Eddie’s first kiss
The concrete floor is so hot, it stings if someone touches it for more than a second. Eddie is tranquil, laying on the fresh and wet grass, even when the sun peaking in the sky makes him maintain his eyes closed.
As any other July in El Paso, the summer is almost unbearable and the humidity manages to make him feel it inside his bones. Although the grass is comfortable, his face is sweaty, his short dark hair is damp, his light and short clothes even feel heavy with the heat, and it could be more annoying if he wasn’t accustomed already. Being a teenage boy living in the same place after so many years gave him that, a bit reluctantly now because this summer was being really, really hot.
Some unknown shape covers his gaze and he knows because the sun disappears, as he was under a cloud. Which doesn't make sense, because when he ran away to this park near his house with wet eyes, the sky was only a peak blue and bright firmament.
He opens his eyes, and of course, it isn’t a cloud. There’s a boy towering him, looking at him as he is examining a bug under a rock. His hair looks a light color, almost blonde, his skin is pale and the only spot that changes that tonality is a pink mark on top of his eye, kind of a scratch like he’s hurt. Eddie squints his eyes, the same the other kid is doing with him, both still and blinking, a strange first encounter with someone he doesn’t know.
“Hey, pal. What are you doing here?” The other boy finally speaks and Eddie listens to some accent he never heard before. It’s rare to run into someone he doesn’t know in his town, because he knows everyone in his neighbourhood, and that makes him suspicious.
“Shouldn’t I ask you that? This is where I live. Who are you?” He asks, bluntly.
“Hell, you’re not in the mood. Aren’t you? I’m Knight”.
Eddie snorts, and yes, he really isn’t in the mood to talk to some stranger. Maybe he looks his own age and his face looks nice but there’s a kind of frown he shows and the fact he doesn’t know him at all that keeps him from relenting. “What kind of dumb name is that?”
“Not my name”, Knight even-if-its-not-his-name sits beside him and Eddie sits too, to be at the same wavelength. “I’m here with my family for a few days. And my sister told me —’do not talk to strangers’”, the way he mocks his sister’s voice makes Eddie laugh a bit and the kid’s shoulder bumps into his without even noticing. “So, not my name. Because legally I’m not allowed to talk to anyone”.
“Why are you, then? Talking to me?”
“Because I’m too bored!”, he says it in a funny tone, almost singing. “And you’re the first kid I’ve seen today. Where is everybody?”
“At the public pool”.
“And why aren’t we there?”
Eddie shrugs, suddenly remembering why he was going through his summer afternoon laying dramatically on the ground. “You, Knight, I have no idea. Me? I’m grounded”. He rips out some strands of grass, frustrated.
“Oh”, Knight forms a pout with his lips and Eddie thinks it makes him look cute. Mhm, that's weird. “Why are you grounded?”.
“Mom wanted me to babysit my sisters but I wanted to go to the pool. I told her it wasn't fair, they can have fun all the time”. Eddie rolls his eyes, bothered. “She told me what she always tells me, that I have to step in and be the man of the house. But I didn't give up so… change of plans. They went to the pool without me”.
“That sucks. You look like you wouldn't even kill a fly”
Eddie's mouth twitches in a slight smile and Knight smiles with him. Maybe he kinda likes him. “Well thanks. I'm one of the good guys”.
Knight chuckles and his expression echoes until it reaches Eddie's chest. It feels like his heart clutches only a bit. It's an odd sensation, not one he has ever felt before. Not bad either, just strange.
“Well, you're lucky. I'm one of the bad guys”. Eddie watches him and Knight returns with an amused look on his face, mischief showing funnily in his eyes. “We’re leaving”.
“I can't go anywhere, remember? Mom grounded me”.
“Look, good guy. I don't see your mom here, do you?” Knight gets up and Eddie concludes he can't really sit still for a long time, considering how his feet move jittery as he stands in front of him. “Let’s get out of here. We can come back before your mom does”.
Eddie doubts. He doesn't want to risk it anymore. His arm still shows a couple of bruises from the last time his dad grabbed him by it, angry, not relenting against his pleads and his misted big eyes.
Nevertheless, Knight reaches to him with his hand, another way of inviting him wherever he wants to go. And Eddie thinks it may end up well. He can come back before his mom does.
And if he doesn't, he's getting used to the punishments. He somehow can choose to not listen to the screams that scold him, seemingly paying attention but not giving any mind to it. The dark bruises in his arms don't even hurt after a few days, especially if he doesn't touch them.
And Knight looks fine, he looks almost his same age, not dangerous at all. Maybe he says he's a bad guy but it wouldn't hurt to confirm his suspicions.
Eddie takes his hand and Knight smiles giddily. His own face flush red and it appears more because of that smile than because of the unbearable heat.
“Where are we going?” Eddie asks, letting go of the other’s hand and flattening his beige shorts tainted with green. Somehow, he feels nervous.
“Well, I’m not from here so…” Knight makes some tsk sound with his tongue, thinking. “Can we go to some other pool? It’s hot as hell”.
____________
Eddie inhales the scent of nature strongly. The small lake glistens in between the shadows that the grand amount of trees form. Knight has been talking nonstop the whole way as he chimes in the conversation with every chance he gets. He doesn’t tell him where he’s from, only that it’s super cold, so he doesn’t know how to deal with a summer like this. He tells him that Eddie was right, in fact, he is 14 years old just like him, only a few months older (but doesn’t want to tell him when his birthday is, doesn’t let him tell him either). That he’s here with his family, visiting some other family members (and guess what, doesn’t want to tell him anything about them) but they’re leaving tomorrow and he’s been bored as never before.
On the way to the lake, they encounter a white bird with a hurt wing jumping on the ground and Eddie watches Knight crunching down, examining him, asking him back with a wobbly voice if he thought the bird would survive. His chest clenches with the sight and he has to lie to him, knowing they couldn’t do anything about the animal but telling him he’s probably gonna be okay, managing to keep away the tears that swell in his blue eyes. So, they keep walking and Knight keeps talking and talking about other stuff as Eddie keeps laughing with his jokes and his stories.
“You talk a lot even if we have to be strangers, you know?” Eddie jokes but it appears it doesn’t land, or Knight doesn’t listen because he runs quickly to enter into the lake, already taking his shoes off, his feet splattering cold water everywhere, making Eddie shiver by the sudden change of temperature.
Knight doesn’t wait a second more to dive into the water, and when he comes up again, he does it with a relieved sigh.
“How does no one come here? This place is amazing”, he asks, and he shakes his head on top of the water to dry himself like a dog. Eddie chuckles by the image, takes some steps closer to sink his bare feet into the lake.
“The pool is new, has games, so pretty much everyone goes there now. It’s cooler. My mom also says it’s safer for little kids, with a bodyguard and all”. He shrugs as Knight manages to float on his back, even when the lake isn’t so deep. “I like it here, though. My grandma used to take me. It’s pretty nice”.
“That’s cute”, Eddie ducks his shoulders, a bit sheepish. He doesn’t understand how this new kid is making him tell a bit more information about him than he asked. But he likes him, and it’s not like he’s gonna see him ever again. “Why do you want to go to the pool, then? You have all of this for yourself. It’s amazing”.
“There’s a girl…”
“Oh, I get it. I had my girlfriend back home, but she kind of dumped me before coming here. Do you like her?”
“I guess so… I mean, she’s nice. She’s pretty. My friends keep telling me she is”. Eddie is not ready at all to answer that, something he keeps repeating inside his mind. Because he thinks he likes her. But how could he know? All the stories his more experienced friends tell him don’t reach him and a pit of fear grows in his stomach every time he thinks about talking to her again.
“But you don’t think…?” Knight starts asking but it seems he forgets what he was talking about, pointing a finger to a point where the floor is higher, creating a little cliff beside the lake. “That’s cool, have you ever jumped from there?”
“Not really, my mom never let me”. And it also scares him a lot, but he’s not going to tell Knight that. He isn’t lying, of course, but he doesn’t want him to think he’s weak, he wants to seem a bit cool for him. A good first impression.
Knight is coming out of the lake now, dripping water at each step, as fast as he decided to dive in. Eddie wonders if he’s always like this, reckless, impulsive, not thinking before taking action, unable to keep still, always looking for another adventure. He wonders if that’s how he hurt his eye, noticing again the pink mark around the scratch he has there. He has to ask him about it later.
“Boy, you never have any fun, huh?” He talks again walking beside him, and tugs his hand so Eddie can follow him. He would do it anyways, even not with the fine grip of his hand, and as they reach the top of the low cliff, he feels the weight in his palm and wants to smile, again that subtle movement inside his chest. Knight looks pretty, he focuses on his soft blue eyes that remind him of the sky and his long eyelashes that move slowly. He loses that train of thought rapidly when Knight breaks the silence, only a bunch of birds singing in the background. “So, is this dangerous?”
“Never heard someone get hurt by it. But I-”
“That’ll do”.
Just like everything he did the entire day, Knight moves swiftly. He lets go of Eddie’s hand to turn around and jump from the cliff directly to the lake.
He dives in with a huge splash, the water even reaches where Eddie still stands, waiting for him to come back. He counts one second, two, and he purses his lips worried by the lack of movement. When he counts to three, it already feels like an eternity has passed. He sees some bubbles first, and then Knight emerges from the body of water with a deep inhale.
“Woo-hoo!”, he screams under him. “Hey! You have to do this!”. He keeps moving his arms to float and Eddie takes a peak to look how high he really is.
“Uhm, I don’t know”.
“C’mon, don’t tell me you’re scared!”
Eddie looks at him, a little annoyed for the defiant look Knight gives him back. He confesses, a bit embarrassed. “What if I am?”
Eddie expects to be laughed at, to him to continue the teasing, to feel a bit more embarrassed. Instead, Knight starts swimming with ease, all of his clothes fully wet. “That’s okay, good guy. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to”.
Eddie can’t believe he really thinks he’s not a nice kid, a good guy as himself said.
He assesses the distance while Knight keeps swimming, not paying that much attention to him. He looks around and they are still alone, as they were the full day. Nobody is going to scold him or tell him how dangerous this is, nobody is going to stop him.
He does want to know if it’s fun and yeah, other people told him about it. But now he can live through it, despite the fear.
“Knight! Move!” Eddie screams.
He closes his eyes strongly and jumps.
The rush of adrenaline grows inside of him in less than a second. Reminds him of that moment before the drop on a rollercoaster, like his stomach goes all the way up to his throat. It is fear, only a little, but it’s also fun.
The water rushes into him quickly, he doesn’t have more time to think about it. The cold lake hugs him in a joyous way, finally stopping feeling the blaring sun on top of the sky, the irritating heat making him sweat. The relief is too strong and he swims up quickly, happy, filling his lungs with oxygen again when he, too, emerges from the water with his hair plastered on his forehead.
When he opens his eyes again, Knight is looking at him, floating near him and smiling softly.
“So? Fun?” He asks and Eddie nods, a laugh without cause tries to escape his throat.
“So much fun! You were right”.
“I usually am. Oh, what you said earlier, I’m sorry”. His smile fades and Eddie doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about.
“What?”
“That I talk too much. I know I can be a handful”.
“Oh, no, no, no. I didn’t say it like that. Don’t be sorry”. Eddie wants to kick himself in the calf, he didn’t want to make him feel bad. On the contrary, he already misses his smile, even wants to make him laugh, he wants so badly to think of a joke and lift the mood, make him feel better. “I like hearing you talk. You’re fun”.
There it is. Knight smiles again, showing his teeth this time and Eddie feels another time that tug in his chest. His heart starts beating faster and the silence feels heavy on him now. He doesn’t understand how this stranger erupts that in him, he doesn’t even know his name, for God’s sake.
But his smile is too fond and he looks beautiful floating there, with his hair dripping water in his face, passing through the curves of his cheeks. Eddie feels the sudden urge to touch him and that scares him to death, clutching his hands below the water.
He is not going to keep still with this feeling. He lifts his hand and splashes water straight into Knight’s face, who opens his mouth with an amused surprise and returns it with another splash of water. It transforms into a war of splashing cold water into each other, with chuckles that turns into laughs too fast and Eddie only laughs because Knight sounds bemused and silly and he’s happy to know he made him laugh again.
Eddie hears a few funny voices coming, combined with steps and running and he pauses, abruptly.
“Someone’s here. We have to go”.
Eddie knows his face falls as he runs with Knight on his side, not wanting to leave. The other kid follows him but doesn’t share the sentiment, he keeps laughing as they come back to where they met.
They both lay on the grass now, side to side, looking at the shades of pink and light blue that forms in the sky, shoulders touching with the proximity and Eddie feels strands of electricity every time Knight moves a bit, only by breathing, the warmth that comes from his body clashing with his wet clothes, the humidity again bothering them but a little bit less, because now there’s a nice summer breeze following them and the grass feels colder with the sun hiding out. They are in a near spot from where Eddie was a few hours before, and he thinks it’s crazy how bad his day started and how much it changed thanks to that one single blonde, cute boy. As the day falls below them, he feels a string of sadness knowing he’ll never see him again.
“When are you- when are you gonna see that girl again?” Knight whispers beside him and Eddie moves his head to look at him close, his gaze still fixed in the sky.
“I don’t know. Probably tomorrow. If I’m not grounded anymore”, he rolls his eyes again, remembering that all the fun he had this day was only a string of stolen moments, of times that don’t belong to him, of feelings of delight that he can’t manage to replay. A weight in his shoulders makes him stiffen, anxiety in advance for how little left time he has until returning home.
“Does she… like you too?”
Eddie shrugs. “My friends tell me she does, but I don’t really know how to be sure, you know?”
“Yeah, I get it. I thought that with my girlfriend- I mean, my ex girlfriend too”.
“And what did you do?”
Knight moves like him, catches his gaze and that energetic electricity hits him again, this time it feels like it runs through all his veins. He gulps with his mouth suddenly dry when Knight talks again, never leaving the look into his eyes. “I kissed her”.
Eddie croaks an uncomfortable laugh, totally aware that his cheeks are entirely red now, the look in Knight’s eyes feels magnetic, as he couldn’t look away even if he wanted to. The thought of him kissing someone enters the periphery of his mind and his stomach flutters.
“I obviously not gonna do that”, Eddie tries to reason it in his head, but he feels disconnected to his right mind, there’s a fog in his brain when he keeps talking. “I never kissed anyone, I don’t know how to”.
“I didn’t either, not before her”. Knight shrugs, a smug expression on his face. “It’s easy, you just get used to it”.
Eddie’s heart jackrabbits when he thinks of the alternative. He could stay quiet, not scare off Knight, not cutting short the little time they have.
Although, he’s been encouraging him to do new and scary things all day. It could be the last one.
“You… you know how to kiss then, right?” Eddie says in his softest voice and Knight nods with a confused look in his face. Eddie breathes strongly, trying not to think too much about what he’s about to say. “Well, you can teach me”.
Knight’s eyes open with shock. “Don’t be silly. We’re boys. We can’t kiss boys”.
“I know that, but it doesn’t count. It’s practice”. Eddie wraps his mind around the logic and it really makes sense to him. If it’s practice, it isn’t his first kiss. If it’s practice, it doesn’t count as doing something bad. If no one ever finds out about it, it never happened.
“Okay…” Knight still sounds cautious. “You really want to?”
“Yes. If you– if you want to too”.
Knight nods another time, only now he doesn’t look as smugly, some anxious feeling leaks from Eddie and the other one probably feels like that as well. “Okay, you have to close your eyes”.
“Why?”
“Because that’s how you have to kiss. Have you ever seen a movie before?”
“Yes, right. I love watching movies”.
Eddie trusts him, even more, he asked for it. He closes his eyes, just as he did before jumping off the cliff. It’s probably less scarier than doing that, but it feels alike. The same kind of rush he felt, his stomach almost feeling like it’s upside down as he waits, the joyous anticipation so similar as when he was falling right into the lake.
He feels Knight’s breathing in front of his cheek, so much closer than other times in the day. Then, his lips pressing into his, tenderly, only a timid touch, lasts less than a second before Knight pulls away. There goes another stolen moment that probably belongs to someone else who deserves it more than him.
Eddie opens his eyes. His breath catching up with the air he needs, also just like when he emerged from the lake. Knight smiles at him again and Eddie sits down, the breeze moving his already dry hair. Knight sits down too, and they are just as they were at first, only so much has happened, only so much closer.
Knight tugs at him with his shoulder. “So?”
“That’s it?”
Knight frowns, maybe a bit offended by the response. “What do you mean that’s it?”
“It was barely a kiss, c’mon. No wonder why your girlfriend dumped you”.
Knight laughs strongly because of that and Eddie follows, the tension leaving his shoulders as he hears him laughing again. “So, you think I’m bad”, he acts outraged but the banter doesn’t abandon his tone.
“Well…”, Eddie tells him with a high-pitched voice and Knight tugs at his shoulder again, still laughing.
“Okay then, second time’s the charm”, Knight tries to appear nonchalant, his lips twitching upward, when he touches Eddie’s jaw slightly, but he can see his hand trembling in his face.
He closes his eyes, surer this time. Knight kisses him strongly, and Eddie grips his thin arm to keep him close. It’s still a timid kiss, innocent, but Eddie senses all of it now inside of him: that rush so much stronger than the last time he was on a rollercoaster, or on top of the cliff, or anywhere else in his entire life. Those turning on his stomach that reminds him of feeling nervous, but in the best way. That electricity that wraps around his chest, his heart feeling warmer with each second. It’s like turning on a light bulb there, a soft glow that grows golden, like the sun that’s still hiding in the firmament, and maybe Knight feels it too because it feels like they’re shining. He sighs and pulls away, and Knight waits one more second to open his eyes, his eyelashes fluttering, his face covered in red.
“Better?” Knight asks, sheepishly and Eddie feels like he could kiss him again if he had another chance. But that’s out of the question, that wouldn’t be practice anymore.
“Much better”. He smiles fondly, wanting to say more even though his brain short-circuits.
Some car engine sounds in the road to his house, close to them and his hair stands on end. He knows that noise.
“Shoot, mom’s here”. He gets up too quickly, ready to run to his house out of the sudden. “It was nice not meeting you, stranger. Thanks for helping me!”
He runs away, his face is still flushed but he knows it’s a residual from the kisses.
“Bye!” Knight screams behind him and Eddie can see a white, tiny bird flying next to him, sitting in the grass in the same spot he was. It’s the last time he sees that stranger but the sighting of the bird gives him a sense of hope.
“Have a safe trip home tomorrow!”, he says from so far away that he thinks Knight didn’t hear him.
Eddie smiles when he reaches the back door of his house, closing it with a loud noise, but he beat his family for a few minutes. He forgets that the atmosphere at home it’s probably as bad as it was when he left that day.
But nothing could ruin this day, not really.
He changes to dry clothes in the bathroom, looking at the mirror, trying to hide away the smile that doesn’t leave his face. He touches his lips, the last time he will let himself remember without guilt, without worry, without panic, without tears.
At least for a day, he wants to feel happy about it.
___________________
Present day
“You’re kidding”, Buck looks too stunned, his mouth agape, his face flushed with a light pink.
“You’re not judging me for this Buck”, Eddie chuckles, knowing that’s not the truth but also feeling strange because of the look on Buck’s face.
“That kid was totally lying to you, you know?” Buck shakes his shoulders with a stiff laugh and takes another sip of his beer, his fingers look even whiter by how hard he grips the bottle. “He never kissed anyone before you”.
“How the hell would you know?”
“Because it was me, good guy. I’m Knight”.