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When his therapist learned that David liked haiku, she suggested that writing them during stressful moments could potentially keep him calm. She said that to pause and organize his feelings in this terse, poetic way could possibly defuse a panic attack. David was surprised to learn that, more often than not, it worked.
At first, David tried to follow all the rules of haiku. But his therapist said to only worry about the five/seven/five rule. Because he’s using it as a tool, it’s not about making something beautiful or lyrical, but something ordered. She said trying to make it more than that would add more stress when he’s trying to calm himself. She said that the rhythm and organization make it elegant and he should be happy with that.
It didn’t take long for it to become a habit, and after a year or so, part of David’s brain just thought in haiku. He still uses them to keep calm when he needs to, but the process is so ingrained now they just float to the surface no matter what is happening.
The last dozen or so he writes are about the store. His good, good idea. Beautiful, terrifying. His very own store.
Today is the day he’s going to file for incorporation. He’s beyond excited and also a nervous wreck. Filing papers makes it all so real. He knows Ray’s a little eccentric so he feels prepared for that weirdness when he walks in the door. He isn’t at all prepared for Patrick. Patrick was something. Snippy, over confident. Cute but maybe mean.
David walks out of Ray’s with a blank form, a business card and a haiku. That guy, Patrick. He was— David didn’t know.
Pretty skin, big eyes.
Sunshine smile says words that bite
Got under my skin.
He can’t stop thinking about him. Was he making fun of him? Was he flirting? The way he smiled when he said the thing about the change up? You don’t smile like that by accident. That was damn sexy. It looked pretty flirtatious. But he was snippy. And maybe insulting? It was weird. When David gets back to the motel and writes down the haiku in his head, another one quickly follows.
Batting a thousand?
What the fuck is a change up?
Stop looking like that
Blue shirt and brown eyes
You have my attention now
The fuck is your deal?
David feels a little better after talking to Stevie. She makes it seem like he is overreacting. David is well aware, thank you very much, that overreaction is a thing. That he does. Fine. He and Stevie take a smoke break and then everything feels soft and unhurried, so David goes to his beautiful, terrifying, empty store.
After moving the chair around the store nine times, David sits and gets out his sketchbook. He doodles aimlessly and jots down a few haiku.
What am I doing?
This big empty space scares me
I think I need help.
Maybe I should call
Buttoned up buttoned down guy
I should call Patrick
So, of course, he does. Because the man is in his head now and there’s also a lot of other things floating around up there and why not call a snippy business person while he's, like, really high? That’s a fucking stellar idea don’t you think? Right. Okay I’m dead now. Hello David it’s Patrick? I mean, what the fuck?
But does he stop calling? Well, no, how could he possibly stop now? He wants to be understood, he wants his ideas understood. So. More calls are absolutely necessary. So many calls happen. David loses count. He works on the form but he writes everything in haiku and even though David thinks they’re quite clever (they are not) he now thinks that it’s not very professional. He gives up.
So. David has to go back over to Ray’s. When he walks in, well, Patrick is leaning over a table. David gets an eyeful of low quality denim and high quality ass. But Patrick did a thing. A good, kind thing, and now he’s established a comfortable space for himself in David’s mind. David doesn’t know what to think about that. He scribbles in his sketchbook as soon as he’s home.
Too many voicemails
He teased but his eyes were kind
He filled out my forms
He filled out the forms. David is touched. Somewhat unnerved. It’s highly unusual for David to feel heard. It makes him feel tender and bruised around his heart. Patrick listened to his stoned voicemails over and over until he understood David’s thoughts. He filled out the forms and then complimented his idea. It makes David feel a little swoony. Other things make him feel swoony too. Mainly, the open collar of Patrick’s shirt.
Marble column throat
Pristine collar bone taunting
Worship or defile?
***
Alexis is helping at the store today. She’s sampling everything and David wants to kill her. But he prefers to wish her dead for fucking with his products rather than because she needs to him to rescue her from two continents away.
I like that you’re here
I like knowing where you are
Here, with me, safe.
The store is coming together despite Alexis’s “help”. He’s proud she’s there to see what he’s doing. She doesn’t say so, but he knows she’s impressed. And he’d never say so, but he’s so pleased to have her close all the time.
The words we don’t say
All the feelings not expressed
Still and always true.
Patrick brings his business license to him. Alexis gloms onto Patrick like the blonde barnacle she is. She is annoying. Her shameless flirting is gross. Leave the man alone. But David can’t pay attention to that right now. He has a business license and feels a thousand things holding it in his hands. His idea is a real thing now. A brick and mortar dream. He, David, has a business license . David is so proud he could burst. He wishes he could celebrate the moment somehow, but with Patrick and Alexis there he can’t shout and dance like he wants. He wishes Alexis would leave Patrick alone. He slips out his sketchbook while Alexis is flirtatiously bossing Patrick around.
I have made this real
My Rose Apothecary
This one thing. Is mine.
He draws an ornate frame around this haiku. He adds hearts in each corner and swooping, scrolling lines, and a half circle at the top, like a sun, with radiating lines bursting forth. He carefully shades it all in, making it look three dimensional. He smiles at it when he’s finished. He closes his eyes and presses the open book to his chest. He can’t stop smiling.
When he opens his eyes, Patrick is looking right at him. Looking right into him. David holds his gaze and keeps smiling. He’s too fiercely proud, too goddamn happy, to be shy right now. Patrick smiles back, but it’s more than a smile, Patrick fucking beams at him like he knows what David’s feeling and that makes his heart do a sweet little flip.
When Patrick leaves, David notices that he pauses outside the door to put in his ear buds. He wonders if he listens to business-y podcasts or something. He watches as Patrick scrolls through his phone a bit. He taps on the screen, then looks out at the street as he puts his phone in his back pocket. Patrick is nodding his head in time with whatever he’s listening to, then he sort of bounces down the stairs. David’s eyebrows go up.
I’m curious now
What are you listening to?
What moves your body?
One day later Patrick comes back to the store and shakes the ground under David’s feet. He very pointedly lets David know that he’s not interested in Alexis. He informs him he’ll need more start-up money. Then tells him with stunning confidence that he’s gonna get the money. It’s a whirlwind of input that leaves David reeling. Reeling and agreeing to being business partners.
Then Patrick sets up the credit card machine like he invented the process, squeezes David’s arm and says he’d love to stick around but he has a meeting and that he’ll be in touch. Then he leaves. David stares, open mouthed, at his back as he walks out the door.
You’re my partner now
I’m gonna get the money
Made an impression
You’ll get it alright
Maybe more than the money
…..
David taps the pen against his chin. This is not a complete haiku. But he’s sort of afraid to come up with five more syllables. Something, something heart.
David spends a dreamy few days in a bubble of soft excitement. About the store, about the future, about Patrick. Then Sebastien Raine blows into town with his raggedy ass sweater and his raggedy ass charm and tries to take advantage of Moira.
Calculating snake
Bloodless, heartless, thoughtless man
You too, can be fooled
David grits his teeth and knocks on Sebastien’s motel room door. David comes up with a haiku while Seb is inside him. That’s how captivating he finds him now.
Everything was fine
Then sebastien fucking raine
Fuck you, fucking me.
But he got the memory card and he got to see Moira’s gratified expression and Seb’s horrified expression, so it’s a good fucking morning. A good morning that’s made better by going to the store and watching Patrick move around the room with his sleeves rolled up and cheap jeans that somehow turn into magic around his hips and thighs. David finds him very inspiring. He writes a haiku in the morning.
Midrange denim -snug
Thick thighs, forearms, and those eyes
I could stare all day
Then David writes another one right after walking in on Patrick building things , in just a t-shirt . A one-two punch from which he may never recover.
Under sexy siege
I’m feeling that undershirt
Want you under me
Then David writes another in the evening.
I like your softness
I like the way you tease like
You’d never hurt me
***
Bugs that drink your blood
Fucking Kelsey the horse-girl
Alexis has lice.
David is horrified. HORRIFIED. He puts on a shower cap and invites himself over to Stevie’s. Putting as much space as possible between his pristine mane and his sister’s filthy scalp. And Stevie allows it and helps in the store, which is suspiciously nice, but also proof that she misses him too. But then ugh. Then Patrick comes in and they hit it off and it’s exactly the type of social imbalance that he’s not comfortable with. But he sort of secretly loves that his best friend and his crush immediately hit it off.
Patrick met Stevie
It’s just MILK FOR YOUR BODY
This is fun for me
I could crash with you?
Who’s flustered, I’m not flustered
She likes this for me
David found him more inspiring the more they spent time together.
You’re so capable
Bet you’re good at everything
Oh god, everything.
The store opening is coming up fast. David’s nerves are crackling like exposed wires. He’d jitter right out of his skin if Patrick wasn’t there to ground him. He teased and gently flirted and David could feel himself getting used to having him around. And liking it.
He was getting the idea that Patrick might be, maybe, sort of, into him too. But drinking his juice? That’s just incorrect! David kind of loves that Patrick’s mouth is where David’s mouth had been though. He really wants the juice back so he can lick the mouth of the bottle. Out of Patrick’s sight of course because that’s weird, but his mouth, his mouth.
You can’t imagine
What my sloppy mouth can do
I want to show you
Open the door, softly . David doesn’t have a minute to focus on Patrick’s sweet command, his gentle, teasing voice. The store is open! There are so many people! We are doing it! The two of them work together beautifully. David is proud. His family is proud. Patrick is proud and so happy and meeting his eyes across their crowded store makes David feel powerfully connected to him. They did this! They built this together. David could burst. When David finally gets in bed that night, he gets out his sketchbook and writes down all the haiku that came to him over the course of the day.
I was so nervous
He made everything okay
How does he do that?
Soft opening launch
Oh the way you looked at me
Bound by eye contact
It worked! We did it!
Our Rose Apothecary
This is EVERYTHING
He lingered over the last one. He felt he could write an entire sonnet. Patrick hugged him. He had his arms around Patrick and their chests were pressed together. And Patrick had lingered. It felt like more than a congratulatory hug. David could have just turned his head and kissed him. God. So close. David’s brain is going to go spinning out and he’ll never get to sleep if he doesn’t write, so he writes.
Congratulations
You felt so good in my arms
Goddamn lights flickered
I want to kiss you
I really want to kiss you
Can I please kiss you?
David’s stomach flips just thinking of it, and oh he is so fucked, but he’s grinning like an idiot as he lay awake in the dark.
***
My family’s the worst
They are the absolute worst
Forgot my birthday
Patrick thinks he’s cute
How old are we? Don't you dare.
A pity dinner?
David likes spending time with Patrick outside the store. Patrick is always playful, but outside the shop he seems to relax even more. Which is why David is thrown off a bit when Patrick gets so unnerved by Stevie’s appearance at dinner. Which unnerves David. Then Stevie suggests that she’s crashing a date and holy fuck what is she even talking about? David would like that, of course. But David doesn’t want to want it as badly as he does. David is afraid. Patrick is so good. So pure and dear. How could he possibly be interested in him? Could he possibly be interested in him? But there’s a gift and Stevie leaves and Oh.
Sentimental gift
Symbol of the beginning
We are on a date
This is not nothing
In fact, it’s really something
Oh my god Patrick
***
Patrick likes him. Likes him, likes him. And oh god David likes him too. So much. They’re sitting in Patrick’s car and it’s dark and their evening was so sweet David barely knows what to do with himself. Patrick is earnest and David teases him. A bold claim.
David watches as Patrick’s eyes flick down to his lips and something in him lights up. This is really for real. David leans in. It’s the smallest movement.
This is not nothing
sweet softness, sweet sigh, sweet kiss
Feels like everything
Patrick says it’s his first kiss with a man and for a moment David is scared. But only for a moment, because Patrick says good and honest things then. David’s heart calms and he gently teases Patrick, but his heart is still expanding. And expands some more and David has to get out of the car or he’ll sit here and kiss Patrick and kiss Patrick, and kiss Patrick until there’s nothing left in the world but the two of them in the sweet dark of this car. They say goodnight and David is floating. This is something. This is going to be something.
It’s dark in the car
But so much light in your eyes
We’ll talk tomorrow.